Friday, May 10, 2013

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

***This Just In***

One of the awesome sponsors of this blog, Walz Cycling Caps, has engineered a Gigantic Freaking Cap:


And a Gigantic Freaking Vest:



And they're putting it on the Gigantic Freaking Joor Muffler Man statue in downtown Esconditio, CA, where the Tour of California will start this Sunday, May 12th:


So go party with it!

***And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Etc.***

 Last night I was in Philadelphia:


(He bought it off Ben Franklin.)

But I'll talk about that on Monday.  In the meantime, my former intern Spencer (a great kid but possibly the worst intern in the history of interns) forwarded me this yesterday, which you might have seen on my Twitter:


Here’s a firsthand example of the kind of vigilante “justice” Hasidic Jews have long enforced on cyclists in Williamsburg and other areas in which they live. Rafael Huerta was riding his bike home when a Jewish man accused him of slamming into the man’s car, though it’s unclear in the video whether contact was actually made. It looks to me like Huerta was riding safely and near the shoulder of the road, and for what it’s worth, he can be heard saying he “tapped” the car but that no dent was made.

None of this is "unclear" to anybody who's ever ridden a bike, especially in Brooklyn.  The guy in the penguin costume was obviously squeezing the cyclist between his shitty van and the parked cars, and the cyclist tapped on the car because, you know, he has a self-preservation instinct.  Anyway, here's the actual video:



My religion allows me to wish horrible things on people.  This is because my religion is based on happiness, and wishing horrible things on people just feels good.  Moreover, despite what your mommy may have told you when you were little, simply wishing for things doesn't make them happen.  At all.  You have to actually do something--and my religion does forbid actually doing horrible things to people.  Horrible things like, you know, threatening someone because you almost killed them with your minivan and then they touched it.

Therefore, if, say, you wish a pack of dogs chews somebody's face off, one of two things will happen:

1) It won't happen but you'll get to enjoy thinking about it;

or

2) It will happen and you can enjoy it because you had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Really, it's no different from a pornographic fantasy.  Sure, you can fantasize about having a wild orgy with the cast of "Taxi" all you want, but it's not going to happen--and if somehow it does happen, that's just a bonus, and you can enjoy it while the rest of us throw up.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not wishing a pack of dogs chews this Shomrimjob's face off (or that he gets "double-teamed" by Judd Hirsch and Marilu Henner for that matter).  However, I am wishing that Martin Amis finally grows so tired of Brooklyn that he decides to move to Park Avenue where he belongs, and that this guy gets run over by the moving van.

By the way, it's worth noting that this guy is a hateful mobster thug, yet he curses like a five year-old.  "Baloney macaroni?"  Really?  What's he going to scream when Martin Amis's moving van is bearing down on him?  "Uh-oh, Spaghetti-o?"

What a dick.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's just fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see bike to work day.

Thanks very much for sleeping, ride safe, and act benevolently while secretly reveling in fantasies of fantastic violence.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





(Americans love the Tour of Italy!)

1) The Giro d'Italia is:

--A race
--Going on right now, apparently
--Drugs on wheels
--All of the above





(Martin Amis, aka "Dr. Spondee")

2) Martin Amis now finds Brooklyn:

--"Terribly transactional"
--"Dreadfully didactical"
--"A wellspring of bad spondee"
--"An abject shithole"





3) Taylor Phinney may just be a teeny tiny bit overrated as a rider.  Just a little.

--True
--False




(Computer-generated rendering of Don Rickles riding a recumbent.)

4) Don Rickles rides a recumbent.

--True
--False






5) A lawyer suing New York City's bike share program calls it:

--"Heedless and irresponsible"
--"A disaster waiting to happen"
--"The epitome of governmental bullying"
--"An abject shithole"





(This?  In New York?  Over my dead body!)

6) When will New York City's bike share program launch?

--May 27th, 2013
--May 27th, 2015
--Pending litigation
--Never





(This ensemble is known as "Cleveland black tie.")

7) No shirt, a fedora, and a bouquet?  Must be:

--Cleveland
--Cleveland
--Portland
--Cleveland



***Special "U-Summarize-It-4-Me!" Bonus Video***


I couldn't finish watching it so tell me what happens and I'll give you a million points.

(I'm assuming the tour failed because he ran out of California songs on his iPod.)



104 comments:

Roille Figners said...

Here.

ChamoisJuice said...

WOOT!

McFly said...

Podio?

ChamoisJuice said...

Yesterday, I went to the park and:

Saw a genuine Hassid! Yarmulke and tzatsikis and everything! I wanted to take his picture and ask where he was from.

Met some hipsters from Wisconsin who were riding from Portland to Vancouver. We got to talking about NYC, and they said that they had stayed with friends in Bedstuy. I started talking about gentrification and how Biggie Smalls childhood apt just sold for $2 million. They said "That's good."

My dog was on a mission to steal and destroy hippies' frisbees.

mikeweb said...

Ooh, another test of discipline from the blonde Dutch bike girl...

Comment deleted said...

Religious mobsters -- the best kind. Clearly, without religion there is no morality.

BamaPhred said...

Top Ten! Scranus

McFly said...

My aunts stepson, who grew up in TN, converted to full Haisidic and changed his name and everything. Moved to NY, was living in a commune or whatever you call it, got kicked out and came back to TN and refuses to work or provide for his wife and 4 kids.

She got a job at a local school and got a taste of the normal life. And then decided to get a taste of some normal schlong. He about lost his mind but I think they are working it out.

I thought it was funny cause he is a real asshole.

Anonymous said...

Scranus

balls™ said...

I'll see your scranus, and raise you a micro-lip.

The cpatcha is longer than my usual comments.

babble on said...

Goooooood morning!!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Taxxxi.

Buffalo Bill said...

tgif?

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

420

babble on said...

Your religion is based on happiness? That's great! THAT must be why Jewish people are all so happy!
Beautiful. I want some of that. Where do I sign up?

And what time does the orgy start?

Yarpo said...

Bravo a Roille-eh Figners-ah, Vincitore de la Tappa de Meh de oggi!!!

An Ass-Monkey-Free Podium! Whew!

Oh yeah, better take the quiz...

billytic to you too!

JB said...

For some reason, I assumed Hasids were more serene and gentle (like Jesus, the Amish, or Spicoli) than the rest of us sinners. Based on the asswipe in the minivan and McFly's story, they are all dicks.

A slice of raw bacon slung onto that dude's windshield would have been nice.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't finish the bonus video either. I lost interest when I heard The Eagles.

ChamoisJuice said...

HASIDIM BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE 'EM

JEWC ANOE

Fred Nifacent said...

Kevin Bacon runs out, their eyes lock, heads twitch and his scranus explodes, like an inverted Scanners. The worst thing was the titty-twister steve perry gave him. (or was that my wish for him?)

Anonymous said...

I really liked the intimidation tactics employed by the "Beardo",just keep pulling your pants up, and masturbate your fingers!Never seen anyone do that before.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, next time I ride through Williamsburg, I'm bringing a taylor ham sandwich with cheese and a glass of milk - should fend them off.

Anonymous said...

Me and the big guy would have been rolling around on the ground for sure!!

Drumster Souls said...

y'all gotta check out the comments on the actual site: http://animalnewyork.com/2013/watch-a-group-of-hasids-terrorize-a-williamsburg-cyclist/

There are tons of people defending the driver and saying the cyclist was instigating. Wha?!?

Captcha: "Drumster souls"

Anonymous said...

Rickles Recumbent. Gold!

BIKE VLLE said...

Go, Curtis!

Anonymous said...

fixed gear california, gratuitous stop sign running @ 1:11 .. got bored after that and closed it

A Bunch of Jerks said...

I hate the tit-for-tat drivers.
You slow me down, I slow you down.
Just pass safely and continue your search for a life.

Yarpo said...

Yeah, that Fixed Gear California video had me...zzzzzzzzzzzz...snore...zzzzzz

Anonymous said...

It is rather incongruous to dress like the inhabitant of a 19th century shtetl while driving a shiny new minivan. But who am I to complain?

Anonymous said...

You don't block my car, but I can block many cars. I am a dickhead.

Anonymous said...

People who feel oppressed and marginalized may seek out others to oppress and marginalize in turn.

mikeweb said...

I believe the correct term is 'Ricklumbent'.

In the Hasidic to English epithet lexicon 'baloney macaroni' translates to 'mother fucking'.

You're welcome.

mikeweb said...

That picture of Amis with his leather-bound dildo case always cracks me up.

rural 14 said...

Rural 1st!

Religious fanatics of all stripes are equally insane (and mostly rotten drivers too, because god is with them). That said, recently when I got clipped by a Hasidic van and rolled out of it, some very nice Hasidic men asked me if I was alright. And then if I was Jewish. Harking back to my childhood experiences with the Lubavitcher's Mitzvah Tank I thanked them and told them if they wanted to have a theological battle they picked the right maniac. They backed away.

All kinds of jerks around, Hasidic and Rural.

Happy Friday!

has ttlard (true dat. Time Trial lard I do have)

Anonymous said...

Grey skies, buses, bums, pigeons!
Must be Cleveland.

mikeweb said...

Snob,

I don't ask for much, but I think I speak for most of the commenters here (babble included, I'm sure), when I say you really need to find a larger and higher res version of that blonde red shorts woman on the Dutch bike.

Anonymous said...

video summary:

a medley of annoying songs about california, interspersed with some scenery of california, with some occassional whining by a nasally voiced douchebag who likes donuts. You're welcome.

dnk said...

Snob, I thought Spencer was the best intern in the history of interns. If I recall correctly, he wrote a pretty good review of a pair of cycling pants. And he even wore them to school. The pants. Which means I guess he was the best intern ever.

On the video: very disheartening. My daily commute takes me down Division --> Harrison --> past Flushing: the worst part of my day, riding that stretch....

Anonymous said...

Lol at the Rickles picture.

Tushie lemurs, what ho!

Anonymous said...

How many fat hasidisms(?) can you fit in a minivan? Apparently a fuck load.

Anonymous said...

Hasids are losing "their" neighborhood and they ain't fucking happy about it...

Anonymous said...

If I had to wear funny hats and black polyester 24-7 I would be pretty pissed off also.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Charles Ramsey said...
"Just eatin my McDonalds"

Anonymous said...

http://memphis.craigslist.org/cas/3789497641.html

babble on said...


Here. Take a peek at The Bike House

Oh, and cheers, Mikeweb. Yes, please!

Anonymous said...

I think Seattle still is, and forever will be, the winner of the phrase "abject shithole"

Anonymous said...

"doughnuts per capital" wtf is that supposed to mean?

Anonymous said...

What pleases a Dutch girl? (inane video, PG-13) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an1m7t6p548

MaxBenign said...

Snob, I bought your new book, but practically before I started even reading it I found a typo! It's on page 23: "Of course, there's a middle ground between abstinence and addition when it comes to cycling..."

Can you send someone round to fix it? I already spilled sour cream on the book so I can't exchange it.

mikeweb said...

Max,

Don't worry, each copy of Snob's book comes complete with its own unique set of typos. This is done to make them collectible, like that stamp with the upside down aeroplane on it.

And letter omissions that change a word into another word are very prized by collectors. Congratulations.

MaxUtility said...

Is that poor guy riding your old Budnitz? Good lord that thing is creaky. Maybe that incessant squeeky hinge sound is what drove the drivers over the edge.

Roille Figners said...

I watched the video without sound, so it's just some fat guys standing around gesturing. But here is how a Badass(tm) views the situation. Pulling over to the right is properly recognized as a submissive gesture; that's what cops make you do, and that's where you go to let someone faster pass you. Therefore if someone pulls over in front of you, take advantage of the fact that you're on a bike and can stop on a dime. Then pull around and pass them on the dominant position on their left like the slow-driving little bitch they are, and get on with your life. If they interfere with you again, repeat the above until you lose your temper, at which point, KILL THEM. Don't argue. Are you going to bark all day little doggy, or are you going to bite?

Yarpo: tutti alla grunzi di rigamaro, e? Scapriciatiello, prisencolinaincenancuisol.

Anonymous said...

snob -

ain;t the "'sids" "yo peeps"?

wle

BikeSnobNYC said...

wle,

I didn't understand a single word of your comment, with the exception of "the."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Roille Figners said...

Snobz - let me help:

ain - French expletive meaning "ouch"

sids - sudden infant death syndrome

yo - expletive meaning "hey"

peeps - those little sugary marshmallow birdie things they sell at Easter time

Putting it all together then, "Ouch, the sudden infant death syndrome hey marshmallow birdies."

NOW do you see?

If not,

rafflat advisable

babble on said...

Well, to be fair, he got Snob right.
It's probably a foreign language...

Dooth said...

I snuck in a noontime nap and had a cast of Taxi and a group of Hasidim orgy nightmare!

You shoulda seen Danny DeVito going to work on thst bearded Williamsburg bully.

ChamoisJuice said...

I would like to see a giant hipster cycling cap and a mustache on Lucy the Elephant.



wishiwasmerckx© said...

Are not the hasidim your peoples?

RANTWICK said...

Did anyone notice the wrong answer youtube description says the dudes bike was a "Biachi Axis"?

I never want to be anywhere near a "Biachi Axis", let me tell you.

BikeSnobNYC said...

wishiwasmerckx© ,

Contrary to popular belief I am not actually a Hasidic Jew.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

i thought maybe you was passin'

wle

anonymoose said...

Ya know,in my younger days,I woulda gone off on that Hasi,just because of the goldielocks and the do-rag. I have grown up. Too bad that guy hasn't.Juvenile behavior at best,at the worst,racist.

wishiwasmerckx© said...

Snob,

Simply translating this cryptic message into english.
ain;t the "'sids" "yo peeps"?

grammar, spelling and puntuation is important.

leroy said...

I was detained briefly this summer by a Hasidic civilian patrol demanding my papers because I was marking the route for the TA Century ride.

I must admit, I look very threatening in my shorts while holding spray paint.

My dog suggested I tell them they couldn't touch me because I was menstruating.

I'm not sure that would have worked.

This morning, I rode part of the TA route through Williamsburg.

I'm not going to let past encounters with Starsky and Hutchkowitz keep me from the Acme Fish Company's Friday factory smoked salmon sale.

Ride joyfully all! That's the best revenge.

(And just so we're clear, even groups that dress alike don't all think alike. Some Hasidim even ride.)

Gaylord Phinney said...

Taylor Phinney is evidence of gays in the peloton.

lion gencingi (non-robot) said...

Angry bike cop in Toronto assaults tree hugger (who didn't have a permit)!

Buffalo Bill said...

I've seen bike to work day, and I can assure you that bike to work day should never be described as auspicious.

Anonymous said...

I wish my scranus crabs would attack those rabbi "yabbies"

BamaPhred said...

The road rage video launched so many negative stereotype images at once that I just gave up tryingto comment and hereby anoint Polo Shirt Guy "Biggest Pants Yabbies". It took some to insert himself into that situation, extricate the cyclist, and move on without the scene escalating.

Thank, and "Fiege ckloach" whatever that is.

BamaPhredAgain said...

That should be trying to comment, and, That, and "Fiege ckloach" whatever that is.

Not that it matters. Cursed by the autocorrect.

Dooth said...

Cornell Barnard?
Who's the news anchor?
Princeton Smith!
And the bike theft victim is being treated for an overdose of irony.

Test Tickle said...

One more reason to be uninspired by Israel..

...and organized religion in general.

TOOL SHED

Anonymous said...

Red shorts blonde woman seems to be riding a Paris (or other city) share bike rather than a proper dutch bike.

Twist of Cain ... OH. said...

Wow. I really would of had to use my inner buddha to not start swinging at that mafia wannabe control freak idiot. Some people's children...

Anonymous said...

Of course the fucking hasid is an asshole, but, geez, this is what passes for NYC cyclists nowadays?

Steetsblogging dweebs that never leave home without their with helmet cams on and get into bickering matches with shithead drivers?


Whaddaya think Nelson Vails woulda done? Either punch the clown's lights out, or just ignore the schmuck and go about your business!

Yeesh!

Yarpo said...

Roille, those videos are awesome, fun to sing along to, and the second one is out of this world!

Mille Grazie!

paulb said...

"Years of insanity have made this guy crazy."--Woody Allen. (I mean the Hasid moron. Only... who could be less scary? That is, when not driving.)

Anonymous said...

I just rubbed 3 foot Krypo chain and switchblade with ham. It's like Brooklyn cryptonite. If Matisyahu stepped to me, I'd have split his f-ing yarmulke, and dared the Shimrim-Job fat ass to chase me.

Much respect to the cyclist for keeping his cool. I would not have let this go, and would have put my krypo chain through his window the first time he tried to hit me with his car.

UberFred said...

I bet that bearded dude in the mini-van would not have tried that bullshit on Burt Reynolds. Sir Burt would have squirted some lighter fluid on him and told him to say goodnight.

Velosopher said...

Fixed gear California, except that he's got a freewheel.

le Correcteur said...

Is it only me, but was that cyclist a whiny wimp? Not that the Hasid wasn't an asshole, which on any reasonable scale trumps whiny wimp, but still.

I'd have run my front wheel into the Hasid's two-legged-fork the third time he stopped me from riding away; or at very least been really, really tempted to do so, and would have at least feinted it.

And to all commenters who associate bad behavior with religion, Jewishness, or whatever, don't you think that there's assholes among every group?

A community of Quakers breeds them too, that's my guess; or even the most mellow of Tibetan Buddhists can get heated with Chinese government thugs.

ganains supra

Paul Bowen said...

Launching the bike share scheme on a bank holiday? Can't decide whether that's a good idea or not.

Anonymous said...

Cake shop NYC? in a record shop? How odd.

http://www.avalancherecords.co.uk/2013/05/10/cake-shop-nyc-in-edinburgh/

hey nonny mouse

leroy said...

"I've got nothing to say,
But it's O.K.
Good morning, good morning,
Good morning...."

Only posted to note my capcha:

"ategra which"

Isn't that a Shimano with cheese on rye (and the source of the expression, the more bread you have, the less ategra you eat)?

Dooth said...

I can't tell an ironic Williamsburg beard from a sincere one.

Yarpo said...

Snobbissimo,

The town is Escondido, not Esconditio.
It's in California, not Eye-tah-lee-yuh.

Another over-sized SoCal suburb built on desert scrub, where over-sized suburbs don't belong. Was once a small town, but weren't they all?

Who CARES if Taylor Phinney is over-rated, the kid is hilarious and entertaining.

Meh.

oxciesa...the newest chain lube?

Anonymous said...

Perfidious Albion, Josh Estey's trip was likely cut short due to Perfidious Albion. And he wept because there were no more fixed gear videos to make (his brother in Idaho now commutes on the Surly Steamroller).

Anonymous said...

Mikeweb, The "blonde dutch girl" is in Paris...
But, yeah, she could be dutch.

hellbelly said...

My days of throwing bottles, smashing rear view mirrors and keying the cars of assholes who side swiped me are mostly in my rear view mirror. However, had I been the cyclist in that video it would have taken nearly every last fiber of restraint in my being to have kept from dismounting and swinging my bike as hard as I could to clock that piece of shit in the face with my rear wheel or better yet my crankset as it came around. In any event, I do not see that I would not have resorted to (ultra) violence in this instance. Being Jewish (or any other farkate religion) has nothing to do with it. There only two kinds of people on this rock; assholes and everyone else with our Hassidic video star falling firmly into the former category. Fuck him and the mini van he drove in on.

Anonymous said...

Her 'dutch' bike is a Velib...

Anonymous said...

“He [Cummings], like me, follows his own personal policy of no caffeine pills and no painkillers. Purest of the pure!”[

ce said...

Agent Spondee: "You hear that Mr. Anderson?... That is the sound of spondee... It is the sound of your death... Goodbye, Mr. Anderson..."

babble on said...

Ooooh, Snobissimo. Good one! I like that. :)

'nother noteworthy captcha:
dopeatr was

as in dopeatr was dining on beaver

ce said...

C'mon Snobbo, when are you serving the Kool-Aid? I'm getting thirsty down here already.

Anonymous said...

98

Anonymous said...

99

Anonymous said...

le 100

mathilda murray said...

Great Quiz ! Great Prize!
Recently I found that they have quite a good Prize here. . . a trip to Berlin! How great!

http://pinterest.com/smartofficial/win-a-trip-to-dmy-festival-berlin/

That is reeeally worth participating!
Mathilda

Flyover bike commuter said...

Having finally watched the confrontation video the source of the problem is clear.

There are way too many people in NYC and all it's boroughs, and too many minivans.

Synonymous said...

I live in Williamsburg and have never had a problem with the Hasidic population while cycling through town. Oh, wait, you're talking about New York. I live in Iowa. Never mind. Just don't get me started on the Lutherans.

Conduct Quiz Competition said...

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