This Just In: I'm In A Video! (And I Have A Book Too!)

Remember how awhile back I had to go somewhere to make a video with a bakfiets?  No?  Well, it's not important, apart from the fact that here it is:



This is where you Stalin clap:



Thank you.

As much as I wish I could just flit about the country making wacky videos all the time, the fact is I can only do it when it's a special occasion, and the occasion for this one is that I have another book coming out in May of this year:

If you told me ten years ago that I'd have published three books before the age of 40, I'd have replied, "Only three?  How many of them were New York Times bestsellers?"  When you told me that none of them were, I'd reply, "Wait, none?  So what color is my Porsche?"  Then when you told me I don't even have a Porsche, I'd ask in a quavery voice, "OK, so the beach house.  It's in the real Hamptons, right?  Tell me it's not in Hampton Bays or some cesspool on the North Fork, right?"  Then you'd tell me I don't have a beach house either, and I'd drop to my knees and emit heaving sobs over my profound failure.

Other than that though I'm tremendously happy.

Anyway, the book will be available from all the reputable booksellers and probably some disreputable ones too, and in the meantime you're welcome to pre-order it.  I'll furnish you with direct links in the not-too-distant future, but pending that if you let your fingers do the walking (that's what we used to say when there were phone books) I'm sure you can find it.

As for the book's content, I don't want to spoil it, but the short version is that it's about how riding bikes with your family is beautiful and about how when you do it in another country where it's normal you realize that the United States is a sick society with little regard for human life--but in an entertaining way:

At least for the time being, this will be the last full-length Bike Snob-themed book, and while I wouldn't use the word "trilogy" I do think this one will neatly tie the three books I've written together, and that they'll all look great sitting next to each other atop your toilet tank.

Lastly, I can't imagine anybody would want me visiting their city, so you'll be relieved to know that this time around the plan is to visit Cleveland and a small handful of other places.

Cleveland.

Moving on, all the pro bike racers are congratulating each other on finishing Milan-San Remo because they took a bus instead of riding over a mountain:

At Pavia (40km), the sextet had 10:35 in hand, and they averaged a brisk 46.4kph for the first hour of racing. By that point, however, the rumours of snow on the Turchino had been confirmed and the race organisers were compelled to come up with an ad hoc solution to ensure the safety of the riders.

It was decided that the race would be neutralised for 46km between Ovada and Arenzano: rather than climb the Turchino, the peloton would stop at the 117km point and clamber back aboard their team buses, re-starting over an hour later.

This gave the riders time to enjoy a quick sandwich:

As well as a much-needed "massage:"

There's nothing better during a cold ride than a cup of cocoa and some warm blood.

(I generally like to give a blood bag a quick 20 seconds in the microwave before I transfuse it.  Then, when you put it in, it feels like you're peeing yourself, but in a good way.)

Look, I know it was miserable and all, but couldn't they have come up with something a bit more sporting than a bus ride?  Why couldn't they have just switched to fat bikes at the base of the climb?  Even those stupid "quads" would have been more in keeping with the spirit of a bike race:

(Bicycle racing for the beef jerkey set.)

Worst of all, everybody's fawning over Taylor Phinney again:

MILAN (VN) — Taylor Phinney (BMC Racing) is sending shock waves through the peloton as it rolls through the classics. After a brave ride in Tirreno-Adriatico, he again went solo yesterday to earn a seventh-place result in Milano-Sanremo, the best finish for an American at the one-day race since 2002.

He's never going to get into a good dental school at this rate.

By the way, so who was that top-ten American back in 2002?  If you answered "Fred Rodriguez," you win a zebra print skinsuit:

Following in Fred Rodriguez's footsteps is almost as creepy as getting checked into Room 237 at the Overlook Hotel.

In other news, a cyclist in Brooklyn has been fined $1,200 for a single traffic stop:

Last August, cyclist David Segal received four tickets—three for running red lights and one for disorderly conduct—during the same traffic stop. Segal, the former spokesman for City Councilmember Ydanis Rodriguez, was biking down Nostrand Avenue in Bed-Stuy when he was stopped on August 10th. While the disorderly conduct was dismissed outright, Segal appeared in court Friday and was found guilty in the three red light violations—which means he owes $1,250 for a single cycling stop. But Segal plans to push to get the laws changed to make the penalties for bicycles less than that for cars: "One guy was driving 30 miles over the speed limit, and he paid an $80 fine," Segal told us. "And they literally gave me a fine that is six times more than I paid for the entire bicycle. How does this make any sense?"

It doesn't make any sense at all, but it's worth noting that if he had been riding an absurdly-priced Venge Schmenge then the fine would have been more proportionate, at under 10% of the total cost of his bike:

I'm sure Specialized will somehow use this disturbing fact to their advantage.

Lastly, this past weekend in New York City saw the [who cares]th running of the "Monster Track" alleycat:

This raises an important question, which is:

Which is dorkier, the start of an alleycat, or a triathlon transition?


I'd say it's a pretty close call.