Wednesday, March 6, 2013

It's Wednesday And Come To This Thing Tonight!

Further to yesterday's post, a commenter commented the following commentary in the comments section:

Anonymous said...

Snob,

I miss when you would blog about just riding your damn bike around Brooklyn and Manhattan, taking pictures of all the goofy sights and encounters you'd find along the way...

Can we do more of that, plz?

thxu :-*

March 5, 2013 at 3:34 PM


I can sympathize, because there's lots of stuff I miss too.  For example, I miss the days before CBGB got replaced by a clothing store for douchebags.  Then again, if CBGB were still open today I wouldn't go near the place anyway because I'm an old fuddy-duddy.  Come to think of it, that's also why I don't live in Brooklyn anymore, which is why Anonymous isn't seeing as many pictures of it.  Plus, when you're an aging blogger (or aging anything, really) it's very important to disavow things in which you once enthusiastically took part: tattoos, fixies, bike couriering, living in Brooklyn, taking pictures of it, etc.

Yes, it sucks that things change, but I'm happier now, and that's all that counts.

Still, that doesn't mean I don't still go to Brooklyn, and tonight I have to do just that.  Moreover, I have to go to the most offensive part--Williamsburg, epicenter of the New Douchery--because I'm the master of ceremonies for this thing that's happening at 8pm tonight at the Knitting Factory, which I thought was still in Manhattan because I'm an old fuddy-duddy:


I hope to see at least some of you there, and by way of enticement I managed to dig up some Knog Blinders, which I'll find a way to distribute during the proceedings:


And you're going to need them because there's a shitstorm a-comin' our way:


I can't wait to trek home to the real world in it tonight.

By the way, I was also intrigued by this headline on the same site:


I don't know who compiled this list, but if it was/were me number one would be the Williamsburg Bridge during rush hour.  If you've ever been stuck in the midst of a full-on Cat 6 run you know it's remarkably similar to the embassy-storming scene at the beginning of "Argo."

Anyway, please come tonight, and you can RSVP here.  Also, here's a video about another one of the builders:


Handcrafted presented by Jack Daniel's... by TheLMagazine

I don't mean to sound ignorant, but what are "Polish drops?"


There's a Polish joke in there somewhere, but since I'll be somewhat close to Greenpoint tonight I'm not going to make it because I don't feel like getting beaten up.

Speaking of taking pictures, I was IN MY CAR THAT I OWN (click here to see what David Byrne thinks of that) not too long ago when I spotted this vanity plate:


Which is amusing if you're the giggly sort, but not quite as amusing as this article (forwarded to me by the proprietor of World's Greatest Coffee Co-Op In The World Just Coffee):

Which features extensive quotes on the subject of celibacy from a man named "Father Wang:"

Father Stephen Wang, dean of studies at Allen Hall Seminary, says it is a sacrifice that many priests manage. "It's possible when people have an inner maturity and the faith and support structures are in place." For him it is no different to the challenge of a husband trying to be faithful to his wife.

Forget celibacy--I don't even have the "inner maturity" not to giggle about the name "Father Wang."

Oh, and no masturbating either:

There is no celibacy get-out in the form of masturbation, says Wang. "For every Christian, masturbation, sex before marriage and sex outside marriage are wrong and something you shouldn't be doing.

Just when I thought I knew every euphemism for "foffing off" I discover another one.  Next time someone excuses himself from the table for a "celibacy get-out" I'll know what he's talking about.

Meanwhile, in more Fredly news, a reader informs me that the new measure of bicycle quality is the "peel a banana at speed" test:



While many machines are billed as 'neutral', the Madone defines the term with intuitive manners that practically require just a thought to go where you want. Neither overly twitchy nor somnabulantly boring, the pitch-perfect geometry – 73-degree head tube angle, 976mm wheelbase, and 72mm bottom bracket drop on our 52cm sample – carves a wicked arc through sinuous high-speed descents, confidently switches lines mid-corner, and still nails the proverbial 'peel a banana at speed' test.

Given the Madone's pedigree this stability is hardly surprising, since Lance Armstrong's Discovery Channel team demanded rock-steady handling for those on-the-bike blood transfusions.  Particularly impressive is the fact that the bike requires "just a thought to go where you want," because I know I'm tired of shouting at my bike in order to make it change direction--to say nothing of its "somnabulantly boring" (he's missing an "m" in there by the way) character, though that could be a function of the handlebar-mounted loudspeaker that plays Garrison Keillor recordings as I ride.

Anyway, while this bike may nail the proverbial "peel a banana at speed" test, I wonder how it does at the "celibacy get-out at speed" test.  They should turn it over to Mario Cipollini next, though when he's done Trek had better turn it over to the CDC for disinfecting.

Lastly, from another reader comes this moving video of late Venezuelan President Hugo "JRA" Chávez riding a bicycle:




Looks like it failed the "peel a banana at speed" test.

129 comments:

Serial Retrogrouch said...

scranus

Serial Retrogrouch said...

nipples and elbows

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...and balls.

Anonymous said...

It's too early for this shit.

Anonymous said...

yes!!! Podium

177 peacen

Anonymous said...

enough is hulled

mikeweb said...

Early birdie!

Snob, I RSVP-ed for the thingy tonight, but may or may not attend, weather permitting. I won't take the bus.

mikeweb said...

And also, Snob, very tasteful laptop wallpaper.

Anonymous said...

gonna go peel my banana now.....

wishiwasmerckx said...

Rounding out the top ten.

McFly said...

I was really hoping for some Yacht MILF and it was an actual RSVP. Weird.

Now I have a displaced celibacy get-out.

theEel said...

weed!

Big Charlie said...

That bike review was really interestzzzzzz...

I've never known how to pronounce the Blinder model of lights made by Knog. I assume it's the same way Australians say "blender", its presumed namesake.

rejori 225

Euro Spondee said...

Babble must be napping

wishiwasmerckx said...

Fiegele? Somebody at DMV was asleep at the switch when they approved that one.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Fiegele? Somebody at DMV was asleep at the switch when they approved that one.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

The seating position on a recumbent lends itself well to the "celibacy get-out at speed" test. Just ask recumbabe.

babble on said...

Yawwwwwn... what time is it?

Celibacy?? Did I hear someone mention the dirty word celibacy?

ubercurmudgeon said...

Speaking of celibacy get-outs, who else is waiting with baited breath to hear whether Copenhagen's "Wednesday Saddle Wanker" has struck again:

http://cphpost.dk/national/woman-stalked-serial-bicycle-seat-wanker

babble on said...

BAAAAABE BOOOOOBS!!

Hooray!

Fuck Celibacy.


erm, and ufuranus 2315

Buffalo Bill said...

Machovez! That trek bmx obviously has a maximum rider weight of 28kg.

igningz 2561

babble on said...

What about the "peeling your shorts back to take a pee at speed" test? Hmm? Does it pass that one?

I saw a handy little diagram the other day illustrating how guys can just peel and pee. The author claims you won't soil your clothes with his method, but there are no guarantees for the rest of the peloton, who may or may not be riding behind you.

Celibacy is for aliens.

babble on said...

And if Hugo had spent more time on a bike in his lifetime he would probably still be a thorn in the side of American foreign affairs today.

babble on said...

Celibacy schmelibacy.

babble on said...

Even foetuses masturbate.

babble on said...

not that I have an opinion on the subject or anything... :)

Serial Retrogrouch said...

shouldn't we just make priests of all our eunuchs?

then let the priests roam the countryside for celibacy get-outs.

just a suggestion for Pope Babble I

babble on said...

Eunichs? Are there any of those left in the world? That is so sad.

The priests in my Vatican City will counsel all couples to do it every day. They will encourage teens to masturbate instead of copulate, they will hand out condoms at the eucharist, and they will be active proponents of sex therapy.

We'll set the world to rights before you know it.

babble on said...

still can't spell...

Anonymous said...

I don't get the licence plate?

Anonymous said...

Perambulator(y) boring.

Just kidding.

Anonymous said...

Polish drops are the endgame of a successful boob-facial.

le Correcteur said...

Well, I'm in the top fifty and I read it.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Get-in get-out.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Fiegele is Yiddish for fag. Oy, you goyim.

FIEG ELE? said...

@ubercurmudgeon:

B-A-T-E-D breath

You are clearly NOT an ubercurmudgeon.

Anonymous said...

Hey, you forgot the kitchen sink...that's the only thing missing from today's post.

A priest walks into a bar and meets another priest, "hey, watcha'doin?"
"Foffing Off!"
"Get out!"

FIEG ELE? said...

As in M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-E-D

mikeweb said...

About the only thing that would've made today's post funnier is if the priest's name was Peter Wang.

Anonymous said...

Go ahead Babble tell us how you REALLY feel about celibacy.

19ssmtee

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

GEE!!!


HAW!!!


(shouting at my bike to get it to change direction)

Anonymous said...

That bike almost peeled Hugo's banana

grog said...

Nice podio conspiracy.
I got yer Father Wang right here.
Oh Babe. Oh Babe. Oh Babe.
Have fun at the big show snobbers.

Mikael Colville-Andersen said...

I'm the saddle wanker!

Coming soon: Copenhagen Cycle Shit

Anonymous said...

Dear Lance, your voicemail is full. If you don't call back by 4:00 P.M. EST today i'm going to be really hurt. I know your call history shows that i'm calling. Lance?

Allen @ Funny Baby Videos said...

That Hugo Chavez video is great. Classic.

Dr. Wong said...

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

Comment deleted said...

Hugo Chavez cum Artie Johnson.

Unclip Hugo! Unclip!

Anonymous said...

Still trying to figure out how to evolve from unwanted celibacy to licentiousness.

babble on said...

Well, you can always shake hands with mr happy, but if you're looking for a partner in crime, try Plenty of Fish.

babble on said...

Mikael... heh heh.

Allen... that is one seriously talented baby.

anon... you know I'm always happy to babble on about anything.

Celibacy is for dead people.

1919 rspectx

Anonymous said...

Tried plenty of fish, Babs (POF). It did work for a time.

Very Sleepy Hugo said...

not only did the united states give me cancer, they also give me terrible capitalist / imperialist bicycle

Frilly Chick said...

Thanks wiwm! Now what's goyim?

And forget you Father Wang. Nobody knows my own sweet spot better than me & you know what?

NODR AMA!
LUV2 FOFF

wishiwasmerckx said...

Frills, "goyim" means those who are not members of our tribe - the gentiles.

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and don't write back asking what "the gentiles" means!

Frilly Chick said...

*crickets*

Anonymous said...

Gentiles, not genitals.

And maybe ubercurmudgeon does have "baited" breath. A good flossing often takes care of the problem. Otherwise, see a peridontist.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

So ya wanna be the Pope eh?


Faesbut 2283

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike Snob; Hammacher and Schlemmer has, for $200.00, a bicycle rear view camera. The picture in the cataloge shows it attached to a "Fred" bike. Hving it mounted next to your GPS would be awesome!

Jimboner said...

Father Wang, dressed as a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel jammed in the fly of his coulots....

Anonymous said...

Any of you bike nerds have any experience with velo orange threadless BB's?
http://store.velo-orange.com/index.php/grand-cru-threadless-bottom-brackets.html

I am thinking about a used road bike, that has a stripped bb shell, and has been repaired with the above. Do those things creak leak a mofo, or do they work?

This is the bike: lugged steel, 8 speed chorus, artisinal blah blah.
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/bik/3660147754.html

I would fix the bar tape, bar and seat angle, obviously. Fatter black tires, prolly 28c conti gatorskins. Either a brown B17 or brown selle italia turbo. Not sure whether to go dandy randoneur, or Sean Kelly cobblestone slayer style. Deda brown tape, and Tom Anderson wood fenders. http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/485858_539355449415365_1990043544_n.jpg

Anonymous said...

Scuze me while I go peel my banana at speed

Anonymous said...

"Celibacy is for aliens."
Tell that to the one that probed me.

Anonymous said...

Two celibate priests walk into a bar and both slip on the same banana peel. One helps the other up and dusts him off. The other priest says, "hey, what do you think I am, a TRANSISTOR RADIO!!!!"

Anonymous said...

Two celibate priests walk into a bar and both slip on the same banana peel. One helps the other up and dusts him off. The other priest says, "hey, what do you think I am, a TRANSISTOR RADIO!!!!"

Anonymous said...

Two celibate priests walk into a bar and tell the same joke at exactly the same time...

television_viewer said...

Test ride the Fuso. If the BB on that Fuso creaks, then it has huge problems.

Selle Italia Turbo from the same generation would be appropriate for the Fuso. A Brooks was considered retro-weird then.

Check for rust around the top-tube cable routing!!!!!

ken e. said...

counting something, not popes.

McFly said...

Those sealed cartridge bearings do not last as long as you think they would. And are non-servicable.

It's what they call marketing-genius.

Fritz said...

Knog Blinders...Bah

My bike glows in the dark

Frilly Chick said...

Awesome bike Fritz!

Fritz said...

Thanks Frilly
It is a lot of fun
at night riding the streets of Durham NC, Iv'e gotten thumbs up from the Police ,other bikers and would you believe it even car drivers during my night rides...

Anonymous said...

Yo Fritz do planes not try to land on you?

Fritz said...

actually they think I am a UFO so they keep their distance

babble on said...

What's the bit on the back?

Fritz said...

I tig welded some aluminum together into a loop so I could wrap the light strip around it and give it better
illumination

I bought the light strips here

Frilly Chick said...

How did you wire them?

Fritz said...

I used dst connectors and 3s 11.1 2000mah lipos with a toggle switch and radio shack handy box....you can find everything to make it at the link
I provided for the lights..if you need any help let me know

dustbunny of brand cheerleading and misinformation said...

Almost 5 years ago you said you wouldn't be doing this forever. Um six years in the Blogospher IS forever. When are you dumping this sinking ship and starting up Shed Snob?

JB said...

Could you imagine Frilly's rump bump highlighted with a strips of LEDs? Coming in for a landing!

Fritz said...

whoops..I meant JST connectors

Yarpo said...

Today is Day of the Dude, for all you Big Lebowski fans.

White Russians await!

Yummmmmmm. White. Russiannnnnnns.

Father Wang...sounds like a porn star name...

babble on said...

And in other Fredly news...

Volvo has unveiled it's new, state of the art alert-and-brake cyclist detection system.

Anonymous said...

Richard Sachs has been building bikes for five decades, has a waiting list years long, and he still doesn't think he's got framebuilding down.

The framebuilder in the video would make Sachs puke.

Spokey said...

Babs

I remember a couple years ago someone brought up some device for females on the go. It was on the bike touring list but I'm too lazy to go back and find it (besides you wouldn't respect me if I did). Given it was on a bike touring list perhaps it is not valid for a speed test though.







Euro spondee said...

And...Babble woke from her deep sleep to pontificate.

I want to see the peel and pee diagram. I haven't tried that yet. Banana, yes; rainjacket peel off, easy; taking a piss, I stop first.

I also didn't get the fiegele joke being a Euro-goy and all that. Thanks for the translation, guys.

Anonymous said...

"Yes, it sucks that things change, but I'm happier now, and that's all that counts."

Keep saying that to yourself and someday you may actually believe it. In the meantime I suggest booze.



Frilly Chick said...

Fritz said.."if you need any help let me know"

Yeah, could you just come do it for me. Ha ha! And while you're at it, I'd like one of those beautiful chairs too.

You seem to be quite skillful with your hands. Very nice.

Fritz said...

Thanks Its all in the "hands"

Anonymous said...

tv viewer: appreciate the feedback. The seller sent me more photos. I'm 99% the bb was stripped in early 90's and has been living in a closet for 20 years. How long have those threadless bb's even been available?

I will look for rust, but am not too worried.

I was leaning toward the Turbo. But then I think it's gonna be weird to have it more racy, but with fenders... fenders are mandatory on a commuter in the great northwet.

I don't really give a crap about period authenticity. I mean, I do, to a degree, like it would be fucktarded with crabon rims, and in fact I am going to rob the carbon post and ti flite for a bike they are more appropriate on. I guess I am not married to an era, but rather a style of part.

I have always wanted a brooks. GOD, why do I obsess over this crap, that NOONE else cares about. The mod

Anonymous said...

Who would want to have sex with their partner on a daily basis when they have access to the internet?

crosspalms said...

No one else cares about it? Ha! You're in the place where EVERYBODY cares about it. Get the Brooks. And as long as you're not making a reproduction, light it like Fritz's, that's one cool bike.....

babble on said...

euro-
google shewee for the girl tool, though I don't see how you could use it on a bike. I saved the peel and pee diagram on my laptop because it seemed like useful information to share... it's pretty much what you would expect from the title, but I will try to dig it up.

The man figures that peeled lycra pressing on your bits would hamper the flow, but he hasn't tried it yet, so how can he possibly know?

Anonymous said...

Vögelchen,

I like these bikebuilders waxing on about how J.D. inspires them and shit


MAGgoT

Anonymous said...

... wasn't suggesting you limit yourself to just Brooklyn and Manhattan; any of the outer or inner boroughs would suffice (hell, I'm from Queens)

but it's a nice, real-life facet to yr blog - hope to see more of it ;-)

- the Anonymous from yesterday

Anonymous said...

suggesting, insisting, same difference...

Yacht MILF.

Anonymous said...

If Snob wrote about riding in his new home Boro of the Bronx, he'd rant and rave about the idiot gypsy cab drivers, not much else. The bike culture in the Bronx consists of food delivery guys and a couple of recreational cyclists.

Vegas said...

Ok, so I missed the past two days (I actually had to work at work, whodathunkit) and I thought I could just jump in to Weednesday, but the post starts with "Further to yesterday's post..." so oh ok I gotta read Twosday's post too. Except that one begins "Firstly, yesterday..." Aye caramba, if Moonday sez "Refer to Fryday's Prequel" I'm gonna cry/laugh my arse off. See y'all in a few hunnerd more comments.

Vegas said...

"Monday is Wednesday Minus Two" BaaaaHAHAHA!

bikesgonewild said...

...if you guys keep talking about peeing off the bike whilst still riding (face it - you're coasting at that point), i'll be forced to bring up the greg lemond tour de france 'diarrhea on the bike' story...

...the 'funny' (both 'ha-ha' & 'peculiar') connection is that the first time i tried the 'peeing whilst still on the bike' thingy was as a young man riding w/ bob lemond, a very young greg & a few friends from the reno/cynar wheelmen up on the sierraville training loop, in a galaxy long ago & far away...

...now, about that tour de france.........

babble on said...

ewwwwww

erpokse 24

bikesgonewild said...

...oh, sorry...

...it's a pretty shitty story, so i won't tell it...

...i was just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

don't listen to that pansy who says you need to get back to documenting your rides. YOU NEED TO GET BACK TO MAKING FUN OF GOOFY BIKE SETUPS. You have a gift, that is going unfulfilled.

Kludgie > all bsnyc posts

ge said...

Snob needs to be true to himself (scranus) and write about what inspires him (scranus). And if that doesn't interest you, there's other stuff on the internet (scranus). And like whazzizface up there mentioned, it's been like 6 (scranus) years. Most bloggers would have gotten bored and given up by now (no scranus).

Frankly, I would have stopped reading a while back (scranusless) except I find the recent addition of captchas stimulates my scranus, er, brain - they're like Lumosity, except free. Taint.

849 esweei said...

Polish drops, then polish chain stays, then polish seat tube... etc.

Euro Spondee said...

bgw - Slaying the Badger has what must be the definitive TMI ewww account of that story, and right at the beginning of the book too.

Now that stuff you can't stop coming out, but I still think saddle pressure on the perineum would impede my pee flow rather, and it would probably end up all over my socks.

Flyover Bike Commuter said...

I stopped to take a leak along the trail this evening, and spotted a couple of porcupines browsing in the tree tops.

I'd have never seen them if I were pissing into the wind.

Anonymous said...

Didn't go to your event as I live in super snobby SF. Instead went to Banff Film Festival and thought you might--might--be entertained by this short video

bikesgonewild said...

...@ euro spondee...

...dammit, man...i hope you realize the seriousness of what you just did...

...you piqued my interest enough in the lemond book "scranusing the badger" that i went on-line to order it & wouldn't ya know, there was my ol' pal geoff drake's book about the "7-eleven's" conquering the continent, so, of course, i hadda order both of 'em...

...now fortunately, i have a certain amount of self control & i was able to stop @ two books or you'd be responsible for a financial meltdown 'cuz there were definitely 'others'...

...just sayin'...

steve said...

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McFly said...

Could you provide some more hard-hitting journalism from Canadian Sex Kitten/College Reporter Laura Herberger. I like to think she is having a little trouble making ends meet.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

More folding bike porn please.

GE, we bring better things to light said...

JB @ 357: "Could you imagine Frilly's rump bump highlighted with a strips of LEDs? Coming in for a landing!" Done in the shape of the Target Company's Logo.

Nonplussed Squirrel said...

Bring back the nonplussed squirrel.

Frilly Chick said...

Anon 4:05--that was adorable!

Euro spondee said...

bgw - I haven't read the other book, but the Badger book is a great read, and it sounds like it will bring back some memories for you. Worth the outlay I say.

I assume Snob will be nursing a hangover and won't be in early this morning

JB said...

Frilly, But he walked up the hill?

babble on said...

It was super-cute, and yeah, it's odd that he should walk up the hill... Mayyyyyyybe it's cause the dog would be able to catch him on the way up...?

Dooth said...

What was Peter Frampton doing in the Hugo Chavez video!?

Frilly Chick said...

My take is maybe he didn't want to tire the puppy out. I mean it is a little dog.

babble on said...

a little dog that FLIES!!

McFly said...

No way man he is one of them there FreeRide/Downhill guys and as long as its pancake flat or downhill he is fine. But if there is even 1 degree of incline it's like you tied a boat anchor to them.

But generally they are pretty cool. They got the weed.

Pistil Pete said...

You gotta admit,that's a pretty rad bridge.I kinda don't see the point though,it's just a bunch of bushes on both sides.Couldn't you just enjoy the greenery on your side of the canyon and save everyone a bunch of trouble?

Just sayin'

mariocoppaweenie said...

DFL

I just want to ride behind babble on

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