Friday, March 1, 2013

BSNYC Friday Ham Radio Enthusiast Hour!




Hey!  Remember how I said I'll be master-of-ceremonying this bikey thing in Williamsburg next week? Well I will and it's going to be so awesome, you should totally come!  It's going to be exactly like an episode of "Girls," only more bikey, and I won't get naked as much as the "Girls" girl does.  In the meantime, here's a video about one of the builders:


Handcrafted presented by Jack Daniel's... by TheLMagazine
you'll see hard-hitting news.

One lucky person will win that bike, and if you slip me a large-denomination bill (Euro or Canadian, no US$ please) I'll see if I can arrange it so that it's you.  Just to warn you though, I am going to get so girl drink drunk at this thing--obviously not on straight Jack Daniel's because eeew, but I'm definitely going to have at least five "Sex On My Faces."  Or is it "Sexes On My Face?"  I want to be grammatically correct before throwing them all up the following morning.

In other news, there is considerable hand-wringing in the cycling press about how to make the sport interesting to Americans again now that Lancey Pants is gone:


Americans are keyed to tune into series, little vignettes that each have the structure of a stage play: start, middle, and finish. And we decided somehow that the very best way to showcase our sport was to show them every minute, regardless of whether anything is happening or not. It was different when we had rock star Lance Armstrong with the celebrity few other sports had, who was articulate, brash, charismatic, and doing uber-confident “superman” feats. He was our spectacle and we enjoyed extraordinary attention during those fertile years. He even dated a real rock star with a no. 1 song. There were no boundaries to his media and mass appeal.


So, with Armstrong towing us along, we gathered some fans from the fringe. But he was the center of attention and there was a compelling reason for them to endure the hours of non-activity just to track this can’t-look-away athlete in progress. The crash on Luz Ardiden. The Beloki-field incident near Gap. It was Jesse Owens times a thousand — Lance defeated the dusty Euros at their own game. He embodied the new America: strong, broad-shouldered, aggressive, and confident. Compelling. Americans love a great story.


So what's the answer?  Possibly less live race coverage and more pre-packaged post-race programming:

Packaged: Not live, where the story is told by the outcome, extrapolating the best of the best material that matters from the inside-out, expanding our dramatic revelations beyond just the road, and exploiting our real-world racing dramas that are rarely seen. All this carefully bound and presented into a freshly baked genre for us: reality sports drama TV. Cycling is made for just this treatment!

Right, whatever.  Let's face it: the sport is finished in this country, and the sooner everybody acknowledges there's no way to jump-start the American public into giving a crap about professional cycling again the better.  Sure, we're a nation of idiots, but we're not so stupid that some creative editing is going to trick football and baseball fans into staying in their well-worn sofa ass grooves to watch bike racing too. As the op-ed points out, the "U.S. carries more cycling hours than any country in the world," so finally dropping all this coverage will free up precious airtime for more culturally relevant sporting fare such as rodeo riding and Babe Winkelman blasting the fuck out of animals, and the handful of American Freds who do actually want to watch this stuff can just see it on the Internet or at the Rapha cafĂ©.

Or else they can read about it on some stupid bike blog, as the case may be.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then HOLY FUCKING SHIT!, and if you're wrong you'll see the last chance we have to make cycling interesting to Americans.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may Lob bless you and anoint you in sticky green roe.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





1) Number four on the list of 30 reasons to take up cycling is that it helps you make number two.

--True
--False
'




2) Behold!  It's the:

--Helmet of Justice
--Helment of Righteousness
--Hairnet of Smugness
--Hardhat of Despair





3) This iPhone case is made using:

--Carbon fiber
--Crabon fiber
--Cabron fiber
--"Cuting edge crab-on fire canstruction"






4) "Cat 3 Comics" is like "Yehuda Moon" for Freds.

--True
--False






5) "Yehuda Moon" is like cartoon porn for retrogrouches.

--True
--False





(Fixie conversions: the pegging your pants of the aughts.)

6) Fixed-gear conversions are out; __________ conversions are in.

--Cyclocross
--650b
--Folding
--Prosthesis






(Having perfected the bicycle with the above, designers are now looking towards other configurations.)

7) Bicycles are out; ______________________ are in.

--Unicycles
--Quadcycles
--Chain-driven Segways
--Recumbent stunt tricycles



***Special Automotive Industry Marketing-Themed Bonus Question***


("Don't look at me, I don't even own one.")

In an effort to capture what they see as the "hipster" market, auto makers are now equipping cars with:

--Folding bikes
--Fixies
--In-dash turntables
--Old-timey shaving kits

97 comments:

Neil said...

Podium???

mikeweb said...

That's just criminal

Jasper said...

Early doors!

babble on said...

Happy Friday!!

Anonymous said...

TOOP TEEN

McFly said...

Boom. Top 5.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

byrnie day

Jasper said...

First time I have been on top of Babble... and it feels good.

Gazesti indeed.

Anonymous said...

Happy weekend to you, Snobish.
And all of you too.
2410 umnedti

Bama Phred said...

Bonked on the sprint, no podium

Anonymous said...

Ass Monkey's... dang it too slow...

McFly said...

--Excerpt from Babe Winkleman's new Auto-biography--

"What's the difference in shooting mountain specialists and shooting Roulers? Easy...you just don't lead 'em as much."

Is that Babble in the Yehua Moon porn?

misster pissta said...

Where's the HAM RADIO part OM? 73's

theEel said...

weed1st!

Jimboner said...

Scrotium!

Bama Phred said...

Local kid makes BikeSnob! And cobbles together a leg! Who would have thought? Next stop T whatever terminator.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

if i ever lose a leg, that's the contraption i want to use. now he just has to figure out a way to use the chain, add an electric assist, and you have a new sport to replace the already dead cycling cycle biking sport.

Fred Zeppelin said...

Cycling and playing football simultaneously? That would be like reading BSNYC and masturbating...oops gotta go...

Frilly Chick said...

Am I like one of three people who ever watched Cyclism Sunday?

Bring it back! Bring it back!

Hardhat of Despair *smirk*

"Yeah, I'll do a shot, but it has to be a girly shot." As spoken by moi.

No wonder Captain John Smith stayed.

babble on said...

mmm cartoon porn...

If only mine hung and swung like that as I rocked her holeyness from up on top...

Marcel Da Chump said...

Flush in the saddle.

mikeweb said...

So, since Ratzinger is Ratzinger again, that makes it official: Her Holeyness Pope Babble has assumed the position!

db said...

Poke-ahontas?

Anonymous said...

I would be happy to see the end of live tour coverage if it means never seeing another stupid for those Proform trainers. Change the coverage over to comic strip form for all i care.

Usmito 1642

crosspalms said...

CQ, CQ...

Radball? I think I'll wait for bicycle water polo.

Anonymous said...

Not quite sure to damn this alongside the BestMade foffery and Shed porn, but I kind of likeit.

mikeweb said...

Yes, not sure what the cycling on TV existential opining means, but if it translates into no Phil or at least less Phil, I'm all for it.

Anonymous said...

Not quite sure to damn this alongside the BestMade foffery and Shed porn, but I kind of like it.

wishiwasmerckx said...

So, TV coverage of pro cycling has veered off course and into the carpark?

wishiwasmerckx said...

"Cabron" is a Spanish-language term of endearment, akin to "Hey, fucker" in English

fhfr436 said...

In that Opel video, at about 0:57, the guy with the flat-brimmed hat (Francois?) riding caught my eye: his bike only has a handlebar on one side of the stem! It appears that he has no left arm. That'd be quite a surprise for a bike thief.

babble on said...

As a selfless show of solidarity, dear, sweet snobber-doodle-doo, I promise to get girl drink drunk with you over on this coast.

Then I'll probably go and work on some home-made porn.

Anonymous said...

DEAR LANCE...I WAS LOOKING AT YOUR ROOKIE CARD FROM SPORTS ILLUSTRATED FOR KIDS 1994......REMINDED ME OF OUR YOUNG LOVE AND HOW ITS GROWN STRONGER OVER THE YEARS

babble on said...

Happiness is a warm Bum

Bang bang shoot shoot...

McFly said...

Where da funk is ZOD these days? Must I kneel in vain?

erikbeng said...

...yet Americans will tolerate Golf coverage?

The Assman said...

Dear Babble,
Dat Ass.
Love, The Assman

p.s. Seriously

babble on said...

It's never in vain, McFly, as long as you're kneeling before the pink canoe.

babble on said...

Dear ass man...

I know, right? Asses are soooooooooooo much fun.

Anonymous said...

What are you doing sponsoring "bladderless hydration?" Lob on low!

Billy said...

Cat 3 Cycles is nothing like Yehuda Moon. Yehuda Moon is actually funny.

PS - thanks for the Disney porn.

leroy said...

Today's lead photo is a good reminder to ride safe all!

I can't make the Williamsburg soiree. I'll be returning from a trip that day. It's a school night. I have to do my hand washables. It might rain. My dog borrowed my ID.

Public drinking may be great for frame building, but I find brooding and drinking alone better for character building introspection.

At least until one wakes up on one's sofa in one's underwear with a headache and the television blaring a late night infomercial.

But my dog may go. I told him it would be a great place to meet girls.

Anonymous said...

Hipster invent oreo separator

Anonymous said...

Man, I forgot how much fun a Big Wheel was. Until the wheel wore through, at least.

Might have to get me one of those trick trikes.

wle said...

coaster brake
single speed
massive 16" wheel
uh
ok

now how much would you pay?
$30

but wait there;s more
patented rear wheel steering
$25

wle

The Assman said...

http://newyork.craigslist.org/stn/cas/3652168226.html


Unusual.

Anonymous said...

That wayward apostrophe between questions 1 and 2 made get up to clean my screen. It's OK, I don't hold a grudge.

bikesgonewild said...

...yer lucky chivas brothers aren't sponsoring yer little whoop-dee-doo, bsnyc/rtms/wcrm...

..."...Thousands of litres of whisky have been flushed down the drain by accident at a bottling plant in Dumbarton...

...It is understood the mix-up happened at Chivas Brothers during the night shift on Tuesday while equipment was being cleaned..."
...

...just sayin'...

babble on said...

I saw that on the BBC yesterday - it's a crying shame, that.

Frilly Chick said...

Anon 2:44, if you ever have the chance to do the Urban Assault Ride, do it!

One of the checkpoints is the adult size Big Wheels. A little tricky if you're wearing yer cleats but so much fun. I almost wet myself I was laughing so hard.

grog said...

Lancey Pants is gone.
The sport is finished.
Must I trash my biek?

bikesgonewild said...

...some poor ol' sod, lyin' in a gutter on the side of the road down the way prob'ly had the most fantastic dreams...

..."...i tells ya, it was better 'n livin' in a land of gold, me boyos...it was as if the rivers were runnin' with that pure golden whiskey, right there for ya ta reach out & fill yer cup..."...

Euro Spondee said...

@The Assman said...

Well I clicked the link, and she certainly is unusual, but not in the way you would like, I imagine.

babble on said...

Well, you never know. He likes asses and she likes it in the ass.

What could possibly go wrong?

Euro Spondee said...

I was guessing he might be happier with a different distribution of silicon...

The Assman said...

She will do, she is Assian.

Plus, I am a big fan of double-handful reach around. It gets me where I need to go.

But I think it's extra.

Unusual Pussy said...

Don`t you know what is the doggy pose? What does dog mean in English? I know, it means --a dog --yes a dog so, like a doggie fucking my pussy and ass. My pussy and ass unusual please come and usual.

Euro Spondee said...

Glad you could straighten us out on that Assman. Have fun out there

The Assman said...

Anytime. Babble has what I need.

Frilly has more of what I need.

Both and my head(s) would explode.

babble on said...

I dunno... if you need the full silicone reach around handful, you're barking up the wrong tree with me.

just sayin

Frilly Chick said...

My melons are real. And heaven help me, they're probably more than a handful. I dunno. Guess some gets wasted if the saying holds true.

The Assman said...

Hmmmmmmmmm.

B, I will settle for a nice nipple-kneading.

F, I will hold onto one and you can hold the other one.

Deal?

Frilly Chick said...

Nope! Na-da! Non! Nein! Nyet!

Yarpo said...

Lucky for us all that Anon 12:00pm didn't order the Ass Monkeys to attack. Fighting them off is no fun.

Buns O'Babble....nice photo and yet another reason she should be Popestress Babble I.

Ride it like you own it!

My pen! said...

Like the Chicken Lady herself, the legacy of KITH comes home to roost...

The Assman said...

Okay Okay fine fine you can hold them both, geez. Greedy goat, you are.

Grump said...

The only was to jump-start cycling viewing in America to to start an "anything goes" cycling league. If all the rider were doped to the same level, the best riders would still win. The only difference would be that they'd be flying down the road at 35 mph, all day, and climbing at 20 mph.
The first commissioner of this league could be Armstrong. He could check to see if everyone was doing it right.

McFly said...

I just watched the 100th Anniversary TDF Video promo on Velo or Steephill(cant member) and they had Anquetil, Merckx(wishiwas) The Badger and Indurain but no Spicy Texan.

Good thing those guys did not imbibe.

Oh wait I just read the Anquetil book and he said only an idiot would race 3 weeks without help.

Euro spondee said...

Sheesh guys, way to spoil the thread with this bikeen talk. Can we get back to the asses and the handfuls please? The weekend is nigh..


"alfugga" - yes I will.
Must be the NJ robot-checker's shift.

Anonymous said...

Man, you try to read comments pertaining to cycling, and the next moment you're foffing off to frilly and babble. Not that it's a bad thing.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

-. .. -.-. . .--. --- ... -

-... .- -... -... .-.. . .... .- ... .- ... .-- . . - -... ..- --

... .-.- .-. .- -. ..- ...

--... ...--

Psycho Killer said...

Qu'est-ce que c'est, RCT?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Recumbent Conspiracy Theorist --

My dog asked me to tell you "dot's what she said."

He also asked me to extend his apologies for not telling you himself because he had to dash.

As usual, I have no idea what he's talking about.

Alex X helment fascist said...

Aisner has gone insaner.

1404 comtsol

The Assman said...

Been licking poonaynay on the couch guys.

Sometimes the Assman has to make concessions.

I did flip it up. And smack it.

Then rubbed it down.

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH NNNNOOOOOO

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Assman--

What a coincidence . My dog was on the couch licking himself just like you were.

I guess I should have been clearer when I told him to get off.

wishiwasmerckx said...

RCT, I see that you've written about Snob's new Temple, Adat Anadash.

Anonymous said...

How I know that competitive competition bike bicycling championship races don't even want to be on mainstream television: they were going to have the cx world cup on the same day as the NFL superbowl. This is how you keep it authentic, hip and underground. Not popular and widely known.

llngsho said...

Unusual Pussy @ 423 is obviously Martin Amis writing under a pen name.

Anonymous said...

Bring back the nonplussed squirrel.

Aggressive Goose said...

Don't fuck with an aggressive goose.

babble on said...

Grump- THAT's what I've been saying! Where's the dope league? It's the obvious answer to pro cycling's woes, and it's the only place I'd be welcome...

Leroy? Heh heh. You tickle my funny bone. xo

Fergie said...

OK, I was all ready to laugh at that stunt trike thing, but then got to the last line of the kickstarter page: "Finally, Joe Hadzicki, (my dad), has over 20 years of entrepreneurial experience running his company, Revolution Enterprises (http://www.revkites.com/), and knows all about production, quality control, shipping, etc... "
For those who don't know Revolution Kites are AMAZING! They are one of the best and most unique stunt kites available, I really can't say enough good stuff about them. There is also a segment of stunt kiting that has been using something similar to the trike paired with a kite that has a lot of pull (think kite surfing on land) since the late 1980's.
This idea might not be as silly as it first appears...
-NYCHighwheeler

McFly said...

Hey Leroy has your dog hit up Mrs. Unusual yet?

You may want to reinstall the parental controls.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

8686Stunt trike might be fun if you're into that kind of thing, but those teeny rear wheels could be trouble on typical freeze/thaw zone pavements. Also looks a tad cramped for my 36" inseam.


tsilfi 32 backwards is 23 iflist.

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...recumbent conspiracy theorist...

...i agree with half of what you're sayin'...

...but dash it all to hell, man...don't expect me to even understand everything you say...

Bama Phred said...

It's official, we are the helment state. TGFM.
Craigslist
Feb 28 - FULL SIZE 1992 ALABAMA NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP AUTOGRAPHED TEAM HELMENT - $500 (INVERNESS,AL.) collectibles - by owner pic

greg biché said...

Dufala bro.s Toilet Tricycle!!! PHILLY REPRESENT!

DaveXxX said...

cartoon bike porn is the new stereoscope

Glen T said...

Looks like someone wants a hipster ^H^H^H bike tax. Because when you are paying your taxes to build roads but actually ride a bike on them then you aren't subsidising heavier transport, no siree.

http://seattlebikeblog.com/2013/03/02/state-lawmaker-says-bicycling-is-not-good-for-the-environment-should-be-taxed/

Also says insane stuff about heavy breathing people producing more CO2 than a internal combustion engine. Which implies that air contains more carbon than oil. I hadn't realised that global warming had got that bad.

The Assman said...

I'm taxin' that ass.....

Also, backin' it in is now mandatory.....

The Assman has jokes said...

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, "I wish I had bigger tits".

The boyfriend says "Well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months".

"How will that help to make my tits bigger?" asks the girlfriend.

"Well it worked for your ass" says the boyfriend.

Shecky Chartreuse said...

Two Canadians are sitting at the bar.

One say to the other, "I'm bored. Wanna play 20 questions?"

"Sure" says the other, and after thinking for a few seconds, decides his word will be 'Moosecock'. "What am I thinking of?" he says.

"Let's see," says the first guy, "can I eat it?"

The second guy chuckles a bit and says "sure, I guess you could eat it."

The first guy says "Is it Moosecock?"

Dooth said...

Would porn radio be called salami radio?

Frilly Chick said...

Did anybody else read this on VN?

http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/02/news/radioshack-not-panicking-yet-over-schleck-setback_274305

The story is a bore, however the comments are worth the read. Poor Andy! I want to feel sorry for him, but ever since the "Fire in the belly" / chaingate incident, it's hard not to laugh.

Fudgehole Ball said...

Cycle Ball, the existing term for the sport AND a direct translation works well, not "Cycle Soccer" - Reuters have some really shitty editors.