Monday, February 18, 2013

George Washington Slept Here: Leaving No Stone Uncool

This past Friday I received an exciting email regarding a potentially lucrative business partnership, and today I was thrilled to receive a reply to my reply:



If they're asking me to post a link I assume they're greenlighting my North Korean naked white water rafting adventure, which means soon I'll be able to buy a big house in Westchester (I will call it "the house that spam built") along with all the cool people:


People who write articles about gentrification generally have short memories with regard to New York neighborhoods, but this reporter appears to have no memory whatsoever:

A yoga studio opened on Main Street that offers lunch-hour vinyasa classes. Nearby is a bicycle store that sells Dutch-style bikes, and a farm-to-table restaurant that sources its edible nasturtiums from its backyard garden...

You no longer have to take the L train to experience this slice of cosmopolitan bohemia. Instead, you’ll find it along the Metro-North Railroad, roughly 25 miles north of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, in the suburb of Hastings-on-Hudson, N.Y.

In recent years Williamsburg, Brooklyn received an infusion of artsy people.  These artsy people were inevitably followed by rich people, and together they successfully turned the neighborhood into a designer iteration of a quaint town full of quasi-rustic retail and dining establishments.  Now, this guy has written an article about how actual quaint towns are becoming like Williamsburg, which is like saying Paris is becoming like the Vegas strip because it has an Eiffel Tower in it.  Furthermore, he's pointing out that creative types are moving from the city to these Hudson River towns, which is something that has only been happening for centuries:

Here, beside the gray-suited salarymen and four-door minivans, it is no longer unusual to see a heritage-clad novelist type with ironic mutton chops sipping shade-grown coffee at the patisserie, or hear 30-somethings in statement sneakers discuss their latest film project as they wait for the 9:06 to Grand Central.

Aren't we all clad in our heritage?  I also had to G__gle "statement sneakers" because I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.  This is what I found:


I don't know if this is actually what he meant, but if so it's more non-news because there's nothing more quintessentially suburban than moronic sneakers.  The more you drive, the stupider your footwear gets.

Still, to be fair, the writer does manage to corral a formidably cringeworth array of NĂ¼-Suburbanites for insight as to why they moved, though I suspect he fabricated some if not all of them.  For example, consider Patrick McNeil, who couldn't possibly exist:

Mr. McNeil is one half of the lauded street-art duo Faile, known for its explosive swirls of graffiti art, wheat-paste sloganeering and punk rock. He wears his hair in a top bun and bears tattoos with his sons’ names, Denim and Bowie, on his forearms. His wife, Nicole Miziolek, is an acupuncturist.

Lauded by whom, exactly?  This was even more puzzling:

 “When we checked towns out,” Ms. Miziolek recalled, “I saw some moms out in Hastings with their kids with tattoos. A little glimmer of Williamsburg!”

Wait, does she mean the kids had tattoos?  Either way, it's entirely possible that the families she's mistaking for fellow hipsters are actually what some people refer to as "white trash."  See, the trendy people of Brooklyn have been copying that look for years, so they're understandably confused when confronted with the real thing.  Anyway, Mr. McNeil and Ms. Miziolek and Denim and Bowie have now moved to a great big house, and presumably the stork will bring a Corduroy and a Mott The Hoople to fill those extra bedrooms:

But he was won over once he saw a rambling three-story, five-bedroom Victorian with a wraparound porch for $860,000. There was even space for a basement rec room. And it was only a 40-minute drive to his Brooklyn studio.

To be clear, as a complete bullshit artist myself, I don't begrudge anybody parlaying his explosive swirls of wheat paste into a nice house in Westchester.  However, the article is also taking the offensive extra step of putting this lifestyle forth as a more affordable alternative to life in Brooklyn.  To be sure, Brooklyn has gotten ridiculously expensive, but there's no way that buying an $860,000 house, paying Westchester property taxes, owning a car, and using it to commute back and forth to a studio in Brooklyn is a money-saving endeavor.  At that point, you're just wealthy.  And if you're wealthy, I'm very happy for you--provided you also have the decency to tell the reporter who's writing the stupid article about hipster suburbs to leave you the fuck alone.

By the way, did you know there's a service that relocates people from New York City to the suburbs?  Well, there is:

Alison Bernstein, the founder of the Suburban Jungle Realty Group in Manhattan, which specializes in relocating New Yorkers to the suburbs, said that more than 85 percent of her business is coming from Brooklyn, with a notable spike in just the last year. Most focus on what she calls “the Brooklyn triangle”: the somewhat artsier suburbs between Montclair or Glen Ridge in New Jersey, Larchmont in Westchester and the Hudson River towns.

I know the country's broke and that we're still cleaning up after Sandy, but is there any way we can get federal funding for a service that relocates these people out of the New York City metropolitan area entirely?  Because there shouldn't be any place in New York City or its suburbs for people who talk like Ari Wallach, whom the article identifies as a "futurism consultant:"

“There is more looking down, less eye contact,” said Mr. Wallach, 38. “The difference is between the first three days of Burning Man, when everyone is ‘Hey, what’s up?’ to the final three days of Burning Man, when the tent flaps are down. Brooklyn is turning out to be the last three days of Burning Man.”

I have no idea what any of the days that comprise Burning Man are like, but I can tell you from experience that Brooklyn has in fact turned into a cross between Portland and the last 20 minutes of any given Judd Apatow film.  But at least he moved to a town after really getting to know it:

He conducted a Google Maps street-view search of Westchester, and settled on Hastings for his family when he saw Subarus parked on the streets, not Lexus SUVs.

Which are the days of Burning Man where everybody judges everybody else by their possessions?

Perhaps most disturbing though is that these people who are fortunate enough to move to nice homes in beautiful suburban towns are nevertheless full of angst over their decisions:

To finally pull up stakes in Brooklyn, however, one has to make peace with the idea that a certain New York adventure is over, said Cass Ghiorse, 32, a dancer who recently had her first child and moved, with her husband, Joe McCarthy, from Williamsburg to Irvington. She now teaches yoga at Hastings Yoga, a new studio.

“You’re not a failure if you decide to leave Brooklyn,” Ms. Ghiorse said. “People move to New York with a plan, a dream, and sometimes it doesn’t work out that you can live that lifestyle. It takes a lot of money.”

It wasn't too long ago that moving your family from Brooklyn to a leafy Westchester suburb was an unmitigated sign of success.  I miss those days.  Now, it means you're embracing a Wittgensteinian avant-garde slow-village movement--at least according to Burning Man guy:

“Hastings-on-Hudson is a village, in a Wittgensteinian sort of way,” Mr. Wallach said. He added, “We are constantly hearing about the slow-food movement, the slow-learning movement and the slow-everything-else. So why not just go avant-garde into a slow-village movement?”

I think Mr. Wallach needs to do something truly avant-garde, like going and fucking himself.

But not everybody in Westchester is like a character from "The Ice Storm."  Some of them are just confused:

“I have that balance already,” said Mr. Arment, 30. “From my window, I can see the George Washington Bridge, but there’s a deer in my front yard.”

Actually, having deer in your yard isn't a good thing.  It's basically just a giant rat with hooves.

Sill, if you're worried that this latest wave of suburban migration will cost Brooklyn its hard-won tweeness and that the borough will once again be overtaken by the uncool masses, then fear not, for there are still plenty of people insuring that the gentrification of Brooklyn will continue apace and that the minorities and poor people will be kept at bay:


They got in. “The house was trashed from top to bottom,” she said. “I fell in love with it.” There was space for a music studio for Mr. Kushner, a musician known as Dyalekt, and a backyard for his dog, Vinyl.

I'm fairly certain that to be "known as" something people have to have actually heard of you.  Nevertheless, after reading the New York Times I'm confident that the forces of urban cool will beat the rest of Brooklyn all the way out to Hempstead where they belong.

But while the latest generation of affluent suburbanites have yet to learn to keep the details of their luxurious lives to themselves, they have nothing on pro cyclists, who really need to learn how to keep their mouths shut.  Consider Thor Hushovd, who has put his gigantic lutefisk of a foot in his mouth by becoming the latest rider to vilify Lance Armstrong:




The BMC rider said he was “amazed by the scope” of Armstrong's doping, and emphasised that he himself has a “clear conscience.”

“I am very pissed at Armstrong and others who have played us for fools,” he told nrk.no.  “I have cried going over the mountains because it hurt so much,” he said.

I take this to mean that after watching the Oprah interview Thor Hushovd ran to the mountains for a good cry.  But here's where the foot goes in:

When asked if he had ever doped, the Norwegian replied, “The only thing I can say is that I know that I'm sitting here with a clear conscience. Meanwhile, people who have doped said the same thing before, but in my head, and here I have it safe and fine,” pointing to his heart.

In other words, yes, he totally doped.  But he's apparently fine with it--as, it should be said, was Lance Armstrong, who told Oprah he didn't feel like he cheated.  So basically, the the reason Hushovd feels morally superior to Lance Armstrong is because he's less successful.

Whatever gets you out of bed and over the mountains, I guess.

As for me, I'm going to celebrate Presidents Day by riding my new Beer Runner mountain bike:



Bike is a special edition designed for Mountain Bike Race promotions, so they are very rare!
This one is in good condition with very minimal rust that can be easily removed.

It has "SHIMANO" shift levers and gearing which is supposed to be top-of-the-line.
It is also quite light to be a mountain bike!


Maybe I'll head up to Williamsburg North to shop for some statement sneakers.

115 comments:

theEel said...

weed!!!!

David said...

PODIUM

boys on the hoods said...

Podium. Early post.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for not taking the cheap shot at Burning Man! The only reason that this guy saw closed tent flaps the last three days is because he seems like a dick and who wants to invite dick into their tent?

babble on said...

Yikes! Early Monday...

Hello Peeps!

McFly said...

I don't feel tardy.

JB said...

There was like a huge crowd sceen at the food machines.

Frilly Chick said...

Wake up! It's a beautiful day, at least it is here.

Anonymous said...

DEER RATS

mander said...

Tenth place again! I'm on a roll!

babble on said...

Erm... .I would ride in those moronic sneakers. They're pink with shiny things!!

But then my moronism has never been in doubt.

That's what you call a statement of fact.

JB said...

Speaking of moronic sneakers, 25 years ago in the midwestern suburbs, I wore statement sneakers consisting of teal Vision Street Wear suede hi-tops.

Non-ironic mutton chops said...

Denim and Bowie?
I couldn't bear to read more than one paragraph of that article yesterday...

Lumpen fredetariat said...

Babble, I am sure you would look just dandy in those shoes. The difference being that I doubt you would look at them as a defining feature for your constructed identity that makes you worthy fodder for the newspapers and their attempts to categorise the socially insecure.


"5509 oestside" - must be some new even hipper district you all don't know about yet

ge said...

ironic mutton chops? Seriously? When the expectation is for you to try to be ironic, by definition, nothing you can do is ironic, with the exception of not trying to be ironic. "Oh look at the sad little hilpster. He's not doing anything ironic. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?"

Ooh, I'm feeling dizzy.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Ironic statement scranus.

331 artyei

McFly said...

Did anyone else notice the pigeon was wearing a hat? There is nothing...and I mean nothing funny about the humanization of air-rats.

Anonymous said...

Wittgensteinian? WTF..."well, if you've read any Wittgenstein you'd understand"...yeah? If you've gotten your ass kicked sometime and you wouldn't be so twee and pretentious...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No comment.

babble on said...

I thought the pigeon was the hat.

You see? Moronism.

babble on said...

You've gardened before, Oh Snobberly one. Too true about those blasted deer.

But on the plus side, they can be very tasty.

chester_cheeter said...

The New Journalism is joining brand names together pretending it's a story.

Artists move and just buy a house... Hmm... Something tells me the Bank of Mom and Dad are supporting that. Idle rich. Must be nice.

Buffalo Bill said...

Mmmm lutefisk, yummy.

Still messing with the non-evil geocoding system. How dare they use me to type addresses in for them?

Fritz said...

"Welche Thiere gleichen einander am meisten?"

Witticism

bk jimmy said...

I think you meant that that guy should slow-fuck himself.

Anonymous said...

Left an hour early trying to podium, can't even make the top twenty. Epic fail. And since I live too far south to be even fly-over country, didn't understand a !@#$ thing about Hipsturbia. But if I see a dude with ironic lamb chops and a tattooed kid, I'm putting locks on the double wide!
rtankic 788 eye test

DB said...

Those yoga sessions must be really expensive in order to afford an 800,000$ house. Do the banks offer 60 year mortgages in NY?

Jimboner said...

Thanks for making me vomit all over my keyboard like day 4 of Burning Meh.





1337 llinkord RULES!
yer band DROOLS!

DB said...

Thinking of starting an Anti-Wilderness Connection experience.
For 2500$, rural guys come to NYC for 3 days. There will be goals to be accomplished such as:
Find a hotel room under 200$
Find a gin and tonic for three dollars
Find a cab driver actually born in the USA
Negotiate the subway
and all will be videoed.

P. Bateman said...

honest to god i wish thousands of asteroids would blast into the hipster havens around the globe.

30 somethings drinking coffee. yep. i think that seems to be all any of these people are capable of.

the republic is crumbling. i'm packing my bags.

Fred Zeppelin said...

What Is
And What Never
Should Be

Eli Wallach said...

Hey Ari Wallach! Fuck you and the duckrabbit you rode in on!

Anonymous said...

That article was a gold mine just waiting for Mr. Snob.
Top XXX [mid-pack fodder].

Anonymous said...

I feel like you all cheated for moving up the Hudson.

Mpeersc 611

Anonymous said...

LOVE YOU SO MUCH TODAY LANCE!!!!

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!

As a Brooklyn native, living now in a rural place for 20 years...I too am prepared to sneer and snarl at the poor clothing choiced 'financial planners' who dress up their dogs and are in the NY Times real estate section; but those guys only made bad stylistic choices which in 25 years they'll laugh at.

200k for a rundown house in a questionable part of Brooklyn doesn't strike me as yet another tosser. In MY Brooklyn, that street would have been one where I got killed...so more power to these wankers for "saving" a house there.

Gentrification...not always so terrible; yes displacement of people living in the neighborhood for years, not great either; but reclaiming real estate into middle class / working class area = ok.

The bigger problem though - she's a "financial planner"? WTF? Another victim / enabler of the great Wall Street and banking fictions that "planners" do anything but help themselves to your hard earned wages. Why is this a valid job for a yout' or even an adult? What happened to "silence = death" / to "Act Up" / to "We are the 99%"? Why is the yout' of today only involved in the symbolism of freedom and change, but in fact working for Wall St?

Quote all the Wittgenstein you want, "i knew him back when he was...." whatever the quote was, and he was full of shit then too. Wittgenstein...indeed, suburbanites; get off me lawn! And find a better source for moral and philosophical underpinnings, better than Wall St and Wittgenstein. That's the crime; not the tattoos, not the irony, not the dogs dressed in t-shirts (though that's pretty heinous), not the ironic old timey beards, not the slavish devotion to the quest for authenticity; but the acceptance of weakness and mediocrity and thievery that is built into Wall Street and immense student loans / mortgage fraud etc.

Kogree 8010 - I confess, I'm a ranting maniac

Fritz said...

Duck Season

No Rabbit Season

Duck Season

No Rabbit Season

Neither It is HIPSTER SEASON

Ftang Ftang

Anonymous said...

Plate...
Shrimp....
Plate of shrimp.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@rural 14

Wow! That's a pretty intelligent sounding screed. Don't see that too often on this comment board. Well done sir.

Anonymous said...

"I think Mr. Wallach needs to do something truly avant-garde, like going and fucking himself."

I lol'd.

Well done snob.

DB said...

Mott the Hoople would be proud, sir.
Excellent post.

Rhinebeck home of Wilderstein said...

"Actually, having deer in your yard isn't a good thing. It's basically just a giant rat with hooves."

And also covered in ticks. Which you know, unless you've been living in downtown hipsterville all your life, means Lyme Disease.

DB@1246: "Find a cab driver actually born in the USA" Epic Fail.

Frilly@1117: It's 10 degrees here and the wind blowing trees into a horizontal position. If Babble were to ride here today she would be blown off her bike to in front of a lost Russian driver.

TM said...

I was for a time a member of the Slow Child movement. The bus was cozy, and the crayons tasty. I think remember that Wittgen-whatever guy in my class... total paste eater.

babble on said...

Rhinebeck, it's alright. I have waaaaaay too much density to be blown away that easily!

Matt said...

Damn, I'm way late on comments. It's these accursed Russian car videos, I can't stop myself. In a couple you do see Russian cyclists on the roads...those are some brave souls. I don't suppose they have handlebar cameras to catch the outrages going on around them.

Anonymous said...

Another funny part of that article is that Hastings has always been populated by pretentious a-holes trying to pretend that they still lived in the City. It used to be the "Greenwich Village of the Hudson". Now it's f-ing Brooklyn on the Hudson.

bikesgonewild said...

...holy shit...is it monday already...

...& every dollar i spend today is a tribute to a dead president...

...(for all you morons in canada, it's "presidents day" down here in the great white norths scranular sweat stain...& i'm not implying that ANYBODY is a moron up there, i'm just sayin'...)...

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...perhaps that statement should read - "...& i'm not implying that anybody IS a moron up there, i'm just sayin'...)...

...different inflection, different emphasis...

...i like to be specific were i or were i not to insult anyone but in this case it really wasn't my intent to insult anyone 'cuz obviously i was just sayin' & so, now i'm glad i made that litte matter perfectly clear, ya ???...

...got that ???...

bikesgonewild said...

...i always felt excluded from those new age-y, organic-y bakeries until it was pointed out to me that "gluten" & "glutton" are two entirely different words...

Anonymous said...

I don't know...

Your demographic used to be youngish bike riders who enjoyed and could relate to your raking the decks of bike culture (pro, hipster, Freds, manufacturers). You seem to be morphing into an at-large commentator of pop culture, which now apparently includes a healthy percentage of ironic morons. Problem is, the ironic morons don't know who you are, don't care about you, and would be unresponsive even if you walked up and shouted in each of their faces. You're shifting your base to quicksand and tilting at ironic windmills, methinks.

Good luck with that.

Of course, with the implosion of pro cycling maybe you don't have such an easy target anymore, although you must be given kudos for calling out The God of Blunder here today.

Scranus.

Brooklyn, Australia said...

rural 14 - in "your Brooklyn" do other people use the term "wanker" or is it just you?

McFly said...

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/50847641/ns/world_news-europe/#.USJrnKXrzk0


More bad news.

bikesgonewild said...

...wow - sorry but different mood...

...i just read with great sadness about the two english cyclist's, a loving couple, who were killed in a traffic accident in thailand whilst on an 'around the world' cycling trip...

...then i read this comment by the man's father - "....they were leading the life they wanted to. It was the happiest, the most fruitful of lives..."...

...now i have tears running down my cheeks as i type this...

...as leroy likes to say - "enjoy your ride but be careful out there..."...

Anonymous said...

Please more bike talk and less Brooklyn white people bullshit!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:28pm,

What's the difference?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

lol.

grog said...

My cat makes a statement on my sneakers.
MORE BENT
BABE PLES

Anonymous said...

I'm also addicted to those Russian car videos. Cars sort of look the same, scenery is at least rust belt recognizable, but the driving is insane. Something right out of a Stephen King Dark Tower series novel. BikeSnobbing the Wasteland, or something. WCRM lead us home, modern day Moses.
1705 tewsula eyetest

Anonymous said...

As Black People like to say, "Mmm Mmmm, White People!"

Anonymous said...

BIKE SNOB
BIKE TALK
HIPS TERS
FRED SUIT
CHKN SUIT



Anonymous said...

Hipsturbia?

Trying-too-hardournalism.

Fuck-you-york-times.

This is fun. GRRRR

Anonymous said...

Further to my comment at 4:29, how insipid can the Old Lady's Gray Threadbare Cotton Underpants become before they're declared irrelevant and in need of a washing?

hfuncmv 950 said...

@ recent anons. I come to this blog to be entertained. When Snob skewers Freds and the likes of Pozzato, I am entertained. When he skewers the NYT style section twats, I am entertained.
I don't see any problem.

Corduroy Miziolek-McNeil said...

Mott the Hoople! Awesome.

Hey isn't "gentrification" just a fancy name for faggoting-up? As in, "I would invest in a cafe if I were you, cuz all the douchebags are coming to faggot-up your Main St." Or "Now that Williamsburg is all faggoted-up, I might as well" bla bla I'm so bored I can't ev

rural 14 said...

@Brooklyn, Australia

In "my Brooklyn", yes, other people use the term 'wanker'. We've all been cross-pollinated. Though as Mrs Rural 14 says, 'why denigrate a wonderful hobby?'

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 3:28pm...

...enjoy him while you can & you'll always proudly be able to say you knew him before he became "...the artiste formerly known as bsnyc/rtms/wcrm..."...

...ya, that ny times 'cultural affairs attache' " guy ???...guy who wrote speeches for the president for a while ???..yep, i knew the bum when hacked out comical cycling columns "back in the day"...

...good writer...always knew he was headed for more than talkin' about bikes & slappin' hipster bitches where they needed to be slapped...

rural 14 said...

@ recumbent conspiracy theorist

Eh, thank you.
Frankly / recumbently?, I do find Mr Snob & the commentariat here amongst the finest thinking social critics anywhere, including all the 1 handed economists I work with, Lob help them. So just trying to add my 2 cents.

Anonymous said...

Deer are terrible rat-like creatures, just like the hypesters of Westchester.

Dooth said...

Ironically, I'm growing

lambchops by shaving,

mornings, every other day,

Roille Figners said...

Rural 14 - holy shit, will you marry me? So, what's left for people to even DO in this country? What we're witnessing with hipsterdom etc. is basically what people do when there's no chance of actually taking part in the production of useful things. There is no one around making money by actually making things, except on the "artisanal" (i.e. small-scale) level. Because there's no job for you, if you want to take part in it at the large scale, because any investor interested in doing it at the large scale and offering those jobs now takes their money straight to China/Malaysia/etc. to do it. So at this point you can't make money in manufacturing, probably your dad didn't, and at this point maybe even his dad didn't. What do people do then? They produce art, software, idea-based stuff. They offer services, such as teaching (including of yoga), food and beverage service (including coffee and Burga Kang). The big ugly-ass factories have shut down, so they either get razed or converted into douche housing and/or douche retail. The whole area is "faggoted-up" as someone said earlier.

And by the way all this just proves your point, since the ones responsible for all this are the big-ass corporations (read: Wall St. and the 1%) who have been "offshoring" production for the last 40 years.

rwaiee feenyay

bikesgonewild said...

...people move out here from "...back east..." & go - "...ohhh, isn't that cute...you have little deer right here by your house...that's just wonderful !!!..."...

...ya, ya, real cute...try growing a garden without fencing about 8ft tall...i dare ya...

...(wow - captcha = okpages 8599)...

Cross palms said...

This wheat-paste sloganeering is harder than it looks. I'm beat. Is it artisanal cocktail hour yet?

Fritz said...

Roille Figners

You as they say "nailed it"

Its fucked and getting worse by the minute

Fritz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rural 14 said...

@ Roille Figners
Why thank you. I’m completely delighted to take on another spouse, gender unimportant; we have an immense amount of work around here in rural 14 ville, and as much spousal labor as we can get is greatly appreciated. Or, as the great punchline goes, “paint my house”. Like I said, the best commentariat on the hinternet is found here; so thank you again; and bring all your construction equipment with you.

Yes, good question, “what’s left to do”. To get very personal here, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out for the last X years...in fact I DID have a manufacturing company in the US, and my father likewise had a manufacturing company in the US, and yeah, we saw the immense and stupid flight out of the US and to momentarily cheaper places to “do business”. But they’re not really cheaper in the long run. Like them economists say, there’s a lot of externalities not accounted for, externalities meaning downstream costs, eg environmental controls, true cost of labor and social welfare etc. There was a sad and decent article in the NYT a few years ago about how New York City was sourcing manhole covers from forges in India where mostly naked men in loinclothes were squatting over crucibles with molten iron pouring in...NOT the type of business we want to be supporting. The cost to the injured metal worker / the cost to the environment in India, etc is one that we’ll all pay for, a la Bhopal etc.

We’re all owned by the multinationals. And there’s some serious cognitive dissonance, even amongst us pure biking pure (and puerile) people - a $1500.00 frame from Waterford, or the almost same $800.00 frame via Surly or Soma etc...even those relatively great Taiwanese factories have far less downstream controls than Waterford, or any independent US builder. But $1500 or $800? And Surly / Soma has cooler cred / bigger beards / better blogging, therefore they win in the “authenticity” sweepstakes, right?

And as a farmer, as a gardener, just like the guys who are framebuilders etc, why shouldn’t I get a decent wage for my work? Why do I have to compete with subsidized produce from California, from Mexico, etc, even when it’s “organic”. Why isn’t there great healthcare here? even in states that are ahead of the curve, all the healthcare goes through giant insurance companies raking 45% of the costs off the top to support their corporate infrastructure.

Let’s all give praise to Ronald Reagan who ripped the shit out of the US education system, who was an amazing union buster, who created an entire population of ignorant adults by eviscerating that education system, and moving us from a nation of tax generators to a nation indebted to the extremely rich who will only keep us in bondage.

To rise up, the only thing we can do is educate our brothers and sisters, to educate our fellow riders; to somehow not despair. But it’s hard to do in this continuous time of bread and circuses.

But manufacturing can come back; real jobs can come back; I actually take a little hope from the artisinal kim chi makers, from Alice Waters, from Richard Sachs, from Peter Weigle. That kind of stuff is not just for the super wealthy, but for people who save for it and have only 1 bike (or maybe 2?). I think if enough people sorta boycott the shit that comes from Walmart, maybe it will be enough to steer Walmart, just like Whole foods has been steered...definetly compromising all around, and horrible, but less horrible than it is when Walmart runs amok buying off Mexico etc. So if the kids need to have beards and aspire to messenger culture, as much as I hated being a messenger (now there was a low class crap job in the 70s which was horrible)...then it’s a way station on the path to redemption. What I fear though, is that the way station will get sidetracked by tattoos and lo-fi though. A conundrum? And yeah, rise up.

Anonymous said...

The Revolution will not be televised.
It'll be blogged!

LOG OFF, NOW!!!

Anonymous said...

we're so fucked.

Anonymous said...

If it isn't blogged about, it didn't happen

bikesgonewild said...

...didn't even care to or need to read the article after this wonderful tagline...

"...authorities say two brothers accidentally blew up their house after celebrating a $75,000 winning lottery ticket by purchasing marijuana and meth..."...

...mother nature takes care of her own...

Anonymous said...

You're right motherfucker, i do not exist.

- Patrick McNeil (usually known as ishmtbth 503)

Anonymous said...

Are there "Slow Children on this Block" signs all over Westchester? Well there should be.

babble on said...

PURE used to manufacture in the US, too, till the factory started substituting a poly/soy foam for the latex which we guaranteed our customers.

babble on said...

Rural 14 - you're right, that boycotting products from the multinationals is the best possible revolt against the tyranny which is destroying the fabric of humanity, though I have to wonder some days if perhaps it's too late for us.

But maybe that's just Monday talking.

Dooth said...

All this "twee" shit is a result of child psychologist telling parents not to hit children. Now, we have a generation of adults who've never felt the painful punishment of acting like morons. Of course, child psychologists will capitalize on the new trend of twee adults and promote stricter measures, i.e "spare the rod, spoil the child" and we'll be reading N.Y Times articles about trendy child beatdown techniques.

Blog Drafter said...

Remember "This NAFTA's a SHAFTA"?

The Clinton era Democrats/Environmentalists wanted (1.) To give the Chinese/Mexicans jobs so they wouldn't break down the doors, and (2.) get those smokestacks out of America. I don't think anyone realized the unintended results (no one ever does). The Chinese (the Mexicans much less) responded by letting American Treasury bonds, which they bought by the billions, finance a completely new economy, a completely retrained workforce, modern infrastructure and even brand new cities. Hooray, good for them, actually. Walmart moved in and proved Americans were more interested in $29.00 CD players made in China than American jobs.

Mix a generation of well dressed, sharp, sophisticated suits and ties (male AND female) with nothing to do except produce stuff on paper and a nation full of desperate, greedy real estate "investors" and you have the beginning of the end game of American relevance. Sure, we still produce stuff, as Rollie F. said, but the stuff we produce tends to be optional to others (think "entertainment") while the stuff they produce tends to be necessary for us (think "food"). Not a good situation, and one to only be muddled through, no matter the rhetoric by the Obama crowd. There is no governmental solution to this, except to employ increasing numbers of people in government jobs. But who pays for those jobs? No private sector viability in the long term equals no public sector jobs, either. The only question is if we'll let Washington totally run us into bankruptcy in the attempt.

So, do we really need all this iShit that we buy? Really? Not Minimalism, but sanity, perhaps, brother?

Also, who is this "Twee" character I keep reading about here?

Focus said...

"The more you drive, the stupider your footwear gets"

As someone who owns multiple pairs of crabon soled shoes that are impossible to walk in, (not to mention look re-terded the moment you take more than 3 steps from a bicycle)but also purpose specific driving shoes.

Sorry for being that guy. All my bicycling frames are still made from industrial age technology though. (ie metal) Which upon further analysis makes more more, not less, of a dork.

leroy said...

Had to get rid of my statement sneakers.

They were talking trash behind my back.

My dog told me.

Now he's wearing them and I don't hear a peep.

leroy said...

My dog claims he knows Vinyl.

He says Vinyl told Mr. Dyalekt that the only other professionals known by misspelled nouns are birthday clowns.

No wonder Mr. Kushner makes Vinyl sleep outside.

Dooth said...

Yo! Gag those sneakers!

Anonymous said...

There's nothing ironic about foffing off.

anonymoose said...

@babble on; I would love to see you pedaling in those sneakers, as long as that's all you're wearing.

babble on said...

Technically they're not high enough to qualify as safety shoes, but they'll do.

You KNOW I'm all for nudity, but not so much mine in the middle of February. Unless, of course, we're talking Hawaii....??

babble on said...

Rollie F: What do people do? Why, they BLOG, of course.

yours truly,
a disappointed manufacturer

Alex X helment fascist said...

It's spelled Ha$ting$-On-Hud$on for a reason. Too expensive 12 years ago.

Alex X helment fascist said...

And no love for Poo-kip-C?

Thor Hushovd is believed by Jens. That's all I need to know.

Anonymous said...

@rural14,

Most of your rant is not only correct, but very cogent. Let me educate you on one point. California produce in the context you have provided is not Subsidized. Subsidies are almost exclusive to Agronomic crops (wheat, corn, soy, cotton), ie: high acreage / low value. Why should you have to compete with us? Because you probably garden in a shitty zone. We are simply growers working expensive low acreage / high value crops, without subsidies. I support locally grown, but if that was the only option, most of this country would not have the opportunity to consume vegetables grown in the soil because of the inhospitable climate during the winter. I guess growing organic produce in CA and having 3 bikes (Mtn, road, and CX) makes me an Artisinal ass hole. In any case, now you're more educated, you may commence with rising up.

babble on said...

Best thing we can do moving forward is to make use of vertical spaces and grow organic hydroponics at intervals throughout every urban and suburban space. Soil is too precious now, and most of it needs rehabilitation, anyway, after so many years of abuse at the hands of the big agri-chemical industrial complex which purports to feed us.

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rural 14 said...

@anon 12:33
My 1/2 assed bike blog blather is perhaps unclear, and apologies getting yr handlebar wrap in a twist.

Sadly, I was educated already, but thank you; though any more education is always welcome and looked at. (and educated through experience, not schooling)

Yes, subsidized...subsidized water, transportation, stolen labor = subsidies. Sure there are lots of operations, esp in NoCal, no? that don't fall under the SoCal water & labor shadow, but for the most part - yes, subsidized. Especially "conventionally grown", ie chem grown, which admittedly I didn't mention, but is the bulk of what the US is eating. Since i seem to be referencing the NYT, surprising even myself, there was a reasonable article recently about farming in California / water / labor / agribiz...worth reading.

The myth of poor climate, is a myth; a lot of the US can grow far more. Up until the end of WW2, most of the produce came from east of the Mississippi; and it wasn't until the conversion of armament corporations / divisions into "fertilizer" companies, that the conditions in California and Florida were exploitable. CF Elliott Coleman - guy grows all year round in Maine; many places in the northeast are picking up this fairly old technology and reusing (also Ms Babble - hydroponics - a solution in search of a problem; far more simple methods yield easier and greater production). It's all possible; and not just on a solo personal scale, there could be easy access to produce year round in most eastern and northern cities

I'm not against subsidies; but they should be applied evenly, eg helping bootstrap modern farms in decentralized locations, instead of fighting against them at the behest of agribiz. And the same thing goes for restarting factories / economies / production in the US. Look at the real economics of it, rather than the monopolistic / duopoloistic concerns of corporations who have lobbied their way to a protected class. There is so much money within the US / so much assets and possibilities, yet the access, the formerly possible path of rising up the social and economic ladder, has been trampled by the Wall St / lobbyist culture, that turning the monster is harder and harder.

And touchy about 3 bikes? Only 3? I can't see to the back of my bike room for the tangle. Why so touchy, anon?

Also I commenced with rising up a long time ago, and it seems to be working more slowly than I thought. But thank you again.

bikesgonewild said...

...what an amazing dichotomy...

...whilst we rail against the whole global corporate mindset & we also mock the artensial aspect of what life has become within local pockets of hipster america, what's most obvious is that there are no easy answers or solutions at this point...

...the die was cast long ago, at a time when no one but the intellectuals recognized the ultimate ramifications & we as a society would rather bow to our desires than pay attention to common sense...

...& global corporate has made a science of just how to appeal to our base instincts in order that we might continue to feed their machine as life becomes more & more compromised...

...on a simplistic level, hipster consumerism is also bullshit because, like the corporate genome, most of it is nothing more than trying to reap the most for the least effort, again, regardless of who or what is compromised...

...rural 14 can talk the talk because in his business, he's learned to walk the walk & he makes a lotta sense, that particular commodity sorrowly lacking in a corporate mindset...

...anyway, the 'artesian' concept isn't wrong despite being overplayed by 'hipster society'...it's nothing more than small scale service industry & if there's enough of it to support a large enouge percentage of any localized area, it can help the resurgence of good busines...

...but the bottom line is, this is kinda like the environment...it's sink or swim time...

Drunk Redneck said...

Danica Patrick is on The Pole!

I need to stop at the 7/11 and get some single.


Also, 5951headbg

JB said...

Wednesday can't come soon enough.

Anonymous said...

Twee - Merriman-Webster def affectedly or excessively dainty, delicate, cute, or quaint
Never heard of it
Used to have another word for this, but the twee PC crowd has villified its' use.

Anonymous said...

Move the Hipsters to the rough parts of Detroit and tell them they can embrace Leningrad Chic

Jasper said...

Babble - you should have been in the Bay Area last weekend. It was definitely warm enough to get naked outdoors - rolling through the panhandle mid afternoon, there were a number of bikini-clad sunbathers to be seen.
Oh, and I am digging the social commentaries too - smart and to the point.
But let's not stop focussing on the important stuff like getting naked

Anonymous said...

Nothing but "uptight W.A.S.P. cunts from" the “the Brooklyn triangle”: the somewhat artsier suburbs between Montclair or Glen Ridge in New Jersey, Larchmont in Westchester and the Hudson River towns.

babble on said...

mmm - sunshine and bikinis... two of my favourite things!

And it's true, Rural 14 is walking the walk. All of the rest of us would be well advised to support him by buying organic whenever possible.

Anonymous said...

"The more you drive, the stupider your footwear gets."

Also, the more you ride crabon fribe bikes that require clippy shoes. . . . I mean, come on, really? bike shoes that you can't walk around in? If that ain't a statement. I dunno what is.

Panties!

rural 14 said...

Don't support me by buying organic. Just support me in the style to which I have become accustomed?

(startled by the decline of ethics and behavior; hopeful that it can be reversed a little [it already has, we just don't see it {and I don't mean by facebook}]; concerned that when I vote w my ever thinning wallet, my co-community members don't etc.

Some of the best advice I got when (before) recently speaking at a public meeting, was not to get so emotional about it; that I could do better by not caring about the outcome. Can you support me in that style? Eh, I think that's almost nihilism. Thank all y'all for all the thoughtful comments back, I dunno how or why I stepped onto me soapbox, I'll step off now. And go for a ride?

Anonymous said...

"He wears his hair in a top bun and bears tattoos with his sons’ names, Denim and Bowie, on his forearms. His wife, Nicole Miziolek, is an acupuncturist."

Oh, I get it. He's a bum. His wife has the real job (if you call poking people with needles a job). We have those here in Kentucky, too. But we don't call them hipsters. We call them crackheads. Or bums, on a good day.

Anonymous said...

"Wittgensteinian"? Really? I've actually read Wittgenstein, unlike 99% of people who use that word just 'cuz they like the sound, and Wittgenstein, who was from Austria and England, had little to say on the virtue of living in Williamsburg or Vienna.

Anonymous said...

I zoomed on the bike. It really does say "Beer Runner" on it. No alcoholic
s bike collection is complete without one!

Anonymous said...

been a while since my last philosophy class, does "Wittgensteinian" now just mean "complete bullshit"?

Dan

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