Thursday, January 17, 2013

Decisions: Stuck Between A Wall And A Hard Place

Are you one of those people who insists you're not going to watch Lance Armstrong bury his head in Oprah Winfrey's ample bosom and cry tonight?  If so, I'm sure you have your reasons.  Maybe you're like totally over this whole thing, as you've Tweeted repeatedly.  Maybe you can't bear to watch your erstwhile hero dismantle his own myth.  Or maybe you're one of the roughly two million Americans who experience uncontrollable seizures whenever Oprah says the word "homogenized," and even though this show has nothing to do about dairy products you don't want to take the risk.

Well, whatever your reason, I'm here to help you find something else to watch during that 9pm time slot.  Clearly competing networks are pulling out all the stops to compete with this confessional juggernaut, because there's a lot of great stuff on tonight.  Here are my top recommendations, which I found by consulting TV Guide, which incredibly continues to exist in the year 2013.

(We used to have to watch TVs like this, you little bastards don't know what hardship is.)

Actually, it turns out finding something to watch tonight is pretty much a no-brainer, because "Drumline" is on ABC Family tonight, and it's widely regarded as the "Citizen Kane" of family-friendly marching band movies:



Here's how TV Guide describes it:

Who knew marching bands could be so sexy? This handsomely mounted production, set in the flamboyant, highly competitive world of show-style university marching bands (think of it as BRING IT ON's even funkier brother), may be a standard coming-of-age drama at heart. But the fantastically edited scenes of battling bands in action are guaranteed to set your heart racing. Devon Miles (Nick Cannon), an extraordinarily talented young drummer from New York City's Harlem, has a way with the sticks that's won him a scholarship to Atlanta A&T, a large Southern university with a predominantly black student body and a first-rate marching band. First-rate, but not first-place; t...

Notice the description just sort of trails off into ellipsis, which I assume represents the drool that will trickle out of your mouth as you fall asleep halfway through.  Still, you'd have to be fucking idiot not to watch "Drumline" tonight instead of the Oprah interview--or would you?  Because if you like animals and Maine, you're not going to want to miss "North Woods Law" on Animal Planet:


(Maine totally stole those outfits from Canada.)

Enhanced episodes of a series following Maine game wardens as they patrol the Pine Tree State during hunting season.

Tonight's episode is a NEW one called "Maine Freeze," in which "a nighttime snowmobile accident requires immediate attention; and a warden is on the lookout for coyote poachers."

Was a coyote actually joyriding in a snowmobile, and if so how wasted was he?  You'll have to tune in to find out.

And while this whole Armstrong thing is certainly a soap opera, true aficionados of the genre prefer the classics, and tonight there's a NEW episode of "General Hospital" on the Soap channel:


(If there's a balding one who's pretty good at cooking eggs, I'm that one.)

What will happen when Britt presses Patrick a little too hard about the status of their relationship?  Todd comes up with a new plan to secure his future.  Lucy runs into a familiar face.  Will they be friend or foe?

After roughly 400 years on the air the producers of "General Hospital" are clearly asleep at the wheel, because if they weren't they'd have gotten Mario Cipollini to join the cast years ago.


(Nine months after a sexy new stranger visits Port Charles, hundreds of women mysteriously give birth to extremely unctuous children.)

I'd offer some additional recommendations, but I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach about paying for cable.  Still, I'll be watching the Oprah interview, but only because I have it on good authority that Armstrong and Oprah spend part two in a pup tent talking to Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston on a Ouija board.

Of course, the other option is to just turn off the TV altogether.  Read a book!  Spend time with family!  Or, if you're from Portland, remind people that you don't even own a TV!  Speaking of Portland, while it may have taken on the role of America's Candyland in the popular imagination, the truth is that life can get pretty real out there.  In fact, a reader tells me a Portland woman recently fell between two buildings and firefighters had to extract her with soapy water:



PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) -- Portland firefighters cut a hole through concrete and used an air bag and a soapy lubricant to free an Oregon woman who fell part of the way down a 20-foot wall and got herself stuck between two buildings Wednesday morning.

The woman spent about four hours in a space 8 to 10 inches wide before rescuers managed to free her as television cameras filmed much of the effort.

(Insert your own New York City apartment joke here.)


Police still don't know how she wound up in her predicament in the first place, but they're operating on the theory that she wanted some actual wall experience to bring more realism to her miming performances.  Despite the successful rescue, the Portland cycling community is outraged that bicycles were not utilized in any way by the first responders.  For this reason, there will be a Stuck-Between-Two-Walls Theme Ride this coming Sunday during which one lucky rider will be wedged between the same two walls and then extracted with a modified bakfiets "pump-and-pull" bike.  Participants are encouraged to bring their own Dr. Bronner's.

By the way, Portlanders had better watch out, because a reader informs me that Detroit is right on Portland's wheel in the creative smugness race:



The work explores the nuances of mobility. The artist One DR contributed a skateboard painted with flying saucers in outer space. Vito Valdez’s oil painting depicts a buffalo crossing a railroad track as a small dinosaur looms in the background. Mavis Farr uses crushed vintage metal mini cars for her necklaces. “It’s about the auto industry’s absentee parent relationship with Detroit, and also about the mining, manufacture, sales and eventual discarding and decay of metals and gemstones,” Ms. Farr wrote in her artist statement.

The centerpiece of the show will be a giant empty room, in which the organizers will exhibit The Car That David Byrne Does Not Own.

Speaking of the future of mobility, I have now seen it, thanks to this video that was sent to me by still another reader:




I've long been searching for a bicycle that will awaken the pretty young girl in me, and I think I may finally have found it:


In turn, I may also have found mutual joy:



Here is mutual joy:


And here is the mutual joy of passing two losers on "normal" bikes:


It seems they have it backwards and the people on the normal human-powered bikes should be fit and wearing Lycra, while the people on the electric bikes should be out of shape and wearing street clothes, but what do I know?

Either way, beating losers up hills creates mutual joy and strengthens relationships:


I'll take two:



Or else I'll just get a Volagi with an electrical assist, spotted by a reader in San Francisco:


You need that extra power to escape the wrath of Mike Sinyard.

Lastly, still yet another reader tells me that if you're bike got stolen in Ireland recently it may have been this guy:

I may have stolen your bike
  
Posted on January 13, 2013

Description

Ok, so I was really drunk Friday (11/1/13) and woke up yesterday morning to find a bike outside my house. I don't know how it got there. Maybe I stole it, maybe I bought it, maybe I won it in a dance off. I just don't know. I don't usually do things like that and would love to return it to its owner. But there's where things get hard. I have no idea where I got this bike from. I remember being in Industry nightclub in Temple Bar, Dublin and I woke up this morning in my house in Phibsboro. Total blackout. So maybe I took from somewhere in between those two places but to be honest I could have been in Armagh last night for all I know. Anyway, it's a blue men's bike. That's all I can say as the owner will have to be able to describe it to me to get it back. Email me at iamverysorry@hushmail.com if you think it's yours. This is not a joke, I really want to give this bike back. I'm not a scumbag. Oh, and I lost my wallet. If anyone's found one let me know. I know, I'd really want to sort my life out.

Honestly, who hasn't gotten drunk and ridden home on a stolen bike?

141 comments:

Anonymous said...

Doper!

Kenny said...

AND THAT'S HOW A BILL BECOMES A LAW!

Perry said...

Podum?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Who's this Lance guy everyones talking about?

Perry said...

Bravo me! Now, maybe I should read the post...

Astroluc said...

Tlop Tlen... undoped

JB said...

How much did Lance pay/threaten that Notre Dame dude to ruin his own life to take the heat of the King of Freds?

Anonymous said...

TOOP TEEN

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

can't type.... haven't had any breakfast rum...

what I meant to say was:
There are times when I thoroughly enjoy being stuck between a wall and a hard place. Depending on the nature of the hard place,of course, and how well I'm being stuck.

Just sayin...

Oh! and 3880 eatiya

JB said...

"off" the King of Freds. Off.

"And on the thurs-day, the king of the Freds will rise from doping death on the wings of a faith-based backer of lines."

--Nostradamus

Paul Bowen said...

Top 11!

Perry said...

Dear Snob - I think I love you.

By the way, there cannot be two Perrys commenting on this blog. One of us is going to have to die, and it is not going to be me.

Paul Bowen said...

Curses!

Anonymous said...

Lance is the gift that just keeps giving! Here's to another 100 years of Lance!!!

(Rum? That's not the BC breakfast I know and love.)

Perry said...

Babble - can you tone it down a bit? Some of us have to work - and the door on my office doesn't lock.

mikeweb said...

the pretty young girl in me?

I would think it's better to be in the pretty young girl, but that's just my opinion.

Fritz said...

I knew there was a connection between all those bikes outside my house and
keg of Fullsteam lager I drank

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01698/bicycle-house_1698745i.jpg

plum said...

"You need that extra power to escape the wrath of Mike Sinyard."

GEM

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

modified bakfiets "pump-and-pull" bike

Anonymous said...

Yes! Top XX

jenkins said...

you totally missed the funniest part of the girl between the walls which is that her name is Anita Mann

For serious.

balls™ said...

I like that cock & balls logo from the dumb bikes (db), but didn't David Bowie already use that?

jenkins said...

the funniest part of the girl between the walls story...
her name is Anita Mann

for serious

Buffalo Bill said...

Oprah will be giving folding electric bikes to her entire audience tonight. Don't you wish you were there?

sdstit 927? That's what she said.

Anonymous said...

The Irish guy is doing the right thing. I just kept what I seem to have walked off with while drunk, and now I'm looking at paying for four years of college.

Paul Bowen said...

Forgot to say - I saw an elliptigo or similar in the wild recently. Weekend of 5-6 Jan, Elmers End Road -> Anerley Road. Chatted to the rider/pumper/whatever. He was very pleased with it, bless him.

3G said...

Great stuff.

babble on said...

Fuck yer funny, Snobbers.

Erm... didn't you mean to say that "Nine months after a sexy new stranger visits Port Charles, hundreds of women mysteriously give birth to extremely unctuous, EQUINE children."...?

Anonymous said...

If the Terminator rode a bicycle it would not be folding and it would for damn sure not be electric....

Anonymous said...

"I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach about paying for cable."

So fire the cable company. Hulu and Netflix and Redbox and about a 100 other on-line alternatives exist...

cristobol de santa cruz said...

Oh no, some corporation is going to divide by zero!? It is truly the end of the world. Please excuse me as I go puke in the toilet. the Divide by zero commercial really made me sick.

Paul Bowen said...

I think the pretty girl may have learnt to ride a bike for the db film - she doesn't look at all confident. That said, she does give a nice demonstration of how to take a helment from useless to lethal in one dangly chinstrap.

Marcel Da Chump said...

The Lance Interview: Soap Oprah.

Devon said...

Drumline - I love that movie!

We have seen imitators!
We've also seen duplicators!
But now...
it's time for the originators!
Ladies and gentlemen...
I would like to introduce to you...
the Atlanta A&T marching band!

DRUM LINE

Anonymous said...

I'm not going to watch the telly tonight. For one thing, tonight there is fuck-off early tomorrow here, and for another I don't have a telly.

I'm going to the pub.

hey nonny mouse 3102 tsolfile

crosspalms said...

Hats off to Irish guy for getting home alive.

babble on said...

Marcel - +1

I think that droid may be the bot captcha is looking for.

Logon is not such a bad alternative. At least you only have to do it once a day...

babble on said...

Maybe he traded his wallet for the bike...

Anonymous said...

Ms Babble On @ 12:46 PM: BEST [ironic & relevant] comment ever!

Can't watch Lance tonight; all cried out.

Anonymous said...

Its not an apology, its a business strategy.

Barely acceptable alcoholic said...

@ Crosspalms 1:22 PM

I´d say hats off to the bike for bringing him home alive.

I for one am very grateful and amazed by my bike: it always knows the way home.

If you never ride back home completely wasted, it´s because you don´t trust your bike. Shame, shame on you.

Yarpo said...

Breakfast: first the rum, then the coffee. Sip, don't chug. The rum, I mean.

I thought the two db riders were going to push those bikes off the hill and gaze in joy at them cartwheeling and throwing dust and dirt everywhere. That, and I also waited for him to sloooooowly shove his hand down her shorts and start hancialf 103-ing her butt.

Gonna miss Oprance or Lanceprah tonight cuz' I'm teaching a class on, of all things, snowshoeing. Will be sure to recommend EPO for better performance and strong-ass zip-ties to attach the snowshoes to each wheel on your bike. Works best on the snowy streets of Milan, especially at the Galleria. Yes, I'm getting paid...Joy...Harmony...

babble on said...

Anon@ 1:25 - thank you.

Hey. Honestly. If you never ride home completely wasted it's cause you haven't had enough to drink...

McFly said...


Jules: You know the shows on TV?

Vincent: I don't watch TV.

Jules: Yeah, but, you are aware that there's an invention called television, and on this invention they show shows, right?



babble on said...

bwahahahahaaa!

Bea Bike would love to be kitted up with snowshoes...

ok, I won't chug the breakfast rum, but can I gulp it?

crosspalms said...

Don't have cable, so I'll have to find out what Lance said by tuning in here tomorrow. Maybe he'll show up in the quiz.
woosess 2525

woosess indeed. even robots know it's woosies

Anonymous said...

the lady stuck in portland cement wall went out on roof to smoke

ROOF WEED



yaregu7722

JB said...

crosspalms: Oprah has that covered: you can watch online.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

"Police still don't know how she wound up in her predicament in the first place, but they're operating on the theory that she wanted some actual wall experience to bring more realism to her miming performances. Despite the successful rescue, the Portland cycling community is outraged that bicycles were not utilized in any way by the first responders. For this reason, there will be a Stuck-Between-Two-Walls Theme Ride this coming Sunday during which one lucky rider will be wedged between the same two walls and then extracted with a modified bakfiets "pump-and-pull" bike. Participants are encouraged to bring their own Dr. Bronner's."

And this year's Bloglitzer goes to Eben "Wild Cat Rock Machine Rip Torn's Mug Shot Scranusnipple Douchebag" Weiss

AASSATKR 23

Anonymous said...

ROOF WEED is the temporary Comment of the Day. I think it will stick.

DB said...

Back in the old days our PEDs consisted of a Coke and Snickers before the ride, a red beer at the bar at the halfway point and a nap when it was over.

grog said...

I won't be seein oprah.
I will be fofonov.
I'm not a scumbag.
SNOB BOTT

Anonymous said...

After watching that electric bike infotaining infomercial my life's goal is to be green screened into exotic beautiful locations across Europe.

7791ooHeated

Anonymous said...

HOly shit that girl on the foldy piece of shite went full retard in Milan! THought for sure you would've screen grabberd that frame.
Also, it's quite common for drunks to take home other peoples' bikes in European, bike friendly cities...or so I hear.

Yarpo said...

Sure, Babble, gulping the breakfast rumit is okay...hopefully while straddling Bea Bike while wearing the thigh-high boots and gazing at an equine photo of His Cipo-ness, but I trust your judgement in making those kinds of important breakfast decisions.

d'eau ateswed. Didn't he get 57th in the Tour de Faso way back when?

Yarpo said...

"rum is." I mean't, "rum is."
Whew!

indnprs 17857

Anonymous said...

xtreme pogo stick!

Anonymous said...

@Babble 12:46 & Perry 12:49 you forgot the part about a soapy lubricant.

McFly's back (or he has a robot imposter)

onmatre7312 (which is French for "Your Mother was a doper way back when")

balls™ said...

Did she ask if she could gulp it?

Anonymous said...

"It's a trick question ...

Lemmy is G*D!"

crosspalms said...

d'eau is how they dub Homer Simpson in French.

Anonymous said...

I love the chin-up cock pit height on the DBzero.

Jafar said...

I love the way Cipo smiles just like Iago in Aladdin.

Anonymous said...

JB @ January 17, 2013 at 12:41 PM

'King of Freds' Really?

Have you ever accomplished anything of substance?

Survived Cancer?

Had a positive effect on people suffering terrible disease? Give them Hope. Enrich their lives?

At the gym yesterday I saw several people wearing Livestrong yellow bracelets. I'm sure many are cancer sufferers and cancer survivors.

I'm pretty sure that if I were to go to a dictionary and look up 'Major Douche' Bag Loser' I would find your picture illustrating the term.

Anonymous said...

"hipsters on welfare"

No, not a lolz-instagram collection. It's a pretty serious and biting essay. Will piss some people off.

The author is talking about the difference between having a degree versus being "of value" to an employer or the economy. That much is pretty simple and obvious. But along the way, lots of sidelong comments that'll set off a lot of folks.

Enjoy.

http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/11/hipsters_on_food_stamps.html


Dr. Masters said...

"Nine months after a sexy new stranger visits Port Charles, hundreds of women mysteriously give birth to extremely unctuous children."

Women can get pregnant through cullingous, who knew?

Anonymous said...

anon @2:49 - King of Freds is a complement, no?

Rin Tin Tin said...

I'd tune into this theater of the absurd if Leroy's dog was going to be on too. No dog, no watch.

Anonymous said...

I'll say it. I hate electric assist bikes. Then someone says, "But blah blah, something something...for people with mobility issues." I've never seen anyone with mobility issues use one. Sure, lots of people with lazy issues, but never with mobility issues.

Anonymous said...

I think Major Douche Bag is also a complement?

ge said...

I used to consider not having to watch Oprah to be one of the perks of having a day job. So, I've got until what, 8pm to pass out and hopefully wake up to a new-to-me bicycling bicycle?

Oh, and Babs, I'll leave it up to your expertise to judge if they'd be equine, but they'd definitely be unctuous.

crosspalms said...

JB
Dammit! Now I have to find another excuse. Maybe it's my night to wash the cats...

The Cyclists Wife said...

I love this quote, "....they're operating on the theory that she wanted some actual wall experience to bring more realism to her miming performances" and I'm afraid it may be based in reality. I also think that video is all kinds of awesome. My favorite part is when the robot is riding the folding bike on the track. The folding bike appears to be totally suited for a velodrome I think. Thanks for the laughs.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ridley Scott said...

Foldee Commercial: The pretty girl is wearing a smile that suggests her boyfriend just got done eating her canary. They peedel around Milan while someone sings in english (huh?). And Milan has received American culture as evidenced by the McDonald's they peedel by. Her helmet strap is buckled uber loose so when she crashes her helmet is sure to fly off before her head hits the concrete bridge abutment. If I were directing this opus I would change the ending starting where they hold hands, instead of hand holding each would put a hand on the others cheek, then together they let the bikes drop, then they turn and embrace, then he picks her up and twirls her around and around (just like Cipo does with his partners). Cut to closing shot of the two of them in a giant Italian wine barrel that has been converted into a hot tub, their bare shoulders are showing above the rim (implying their stark buck naked as a jay bird) as the sun sets in the distance.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

anon @2:49 - King of Freds is a complement, no?

January 17, 2013 at 2:56 PM




in the US, a Fred is more often somebody with higher quality and more expensive cycling equipment than his or her talent and commitment would warrant. For example, a stereotypical Fred by this definition would be an individual with little cycling experience who watches the highlights of a few Tour de France stages, then goes to a bike store and purchases a Trek carbon fiber Madone in Team Discovery colors, along with Team Discovery shorts and jersey. Thus outfitted with equipment virtually identical to that which Lance Armstrong used, far more expensive than that used by many high-standard racing cyclists, and more costly than many automobiles, the "Fred" then uses his bicycle merely to ride on a cycling path at 15 mph (24 km/h), something which even the most casual untrained cyclist can manage on an inexpensive hybrid bicycle. Some use "Fred" in a somewhat similar matter, but more synonymous with a roadie poseur.

Along with 'major douche' bag' I'll add the term totally clueless.

Jimboner said...

New Fashion New Power, one old testicle.

Vegas said...

A.W.E.S.O.M.-O sez "Not cool. Totally lame."

Ah, Babble beat me to it. Yeah, Snob gets rid of the robots in the comments but then puts one in his post. I see how it is!

Oh and what's the dilio with the mentally-challenged, Tory-Amos-alike-soundtracked, green-screen-riding, french-model-boyfriend("Bone-jour!")having, chick never ever folding or unfolding her folding bike? Eh???

sioalia 510

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon, I will add one more defining feature, if I may. While you are out putting in the miles it takes to ride at pace, climb, etc., Fred is leisurely peddling from his house to Starbucks, about 2 1/2 miles away, where he will join other Freds for a Caramel Mocha Latte before the strenuous ride home.

Pierre said...

Louis XIV was the Kig of Freds, says a mad with a code id the doze.

On your left asshole said...

Won't be watching the Orca interview. It's easier to talk to somebody in China on my ham radio than find her cable channel.

JB said...

Anon @ 2:49 pm: That's right, the King of the Freds. It wasn't his choice, but he is. If not him, then who?

For all you know, I'm the Dalai fucking Lama.

This just in: there are cancer sufferers in all families.

-Lieutenant Colonel Douche Bag Loser (I was promoted, asswipe)

Pedant said...

If all the Freds worshipped Lance, he'd be their king regardless whether or not he was a Fred himself. Just sayin'.

Frilly said...

The "I might have stolen your bike" ad made me smile. I mean, c'mon, who hasn't had a night like that?

Equine? I would think leonine to be more appropriate. Meow!

mikeweb said...

So the 'O' interview will be a 2 day stage event?

I'm not sure who will end up in the green jersey, but I'm pretty sure Oprah will add the queen of the 'mountains' to her palmares.

MILK SHAK

Anonymous said...

The following is a list of all professional cyclists since the year 1890 who won or contended for major event titles without the aid of dope;
























































babble on said...

Frilly, my darling, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one...
in the end it's all about what makes you purrrrr.

Anonymous said...

Do you think Floyd Landis, Tyler Hamilton and Travis Tygart will engage in a circle jerk while watching the "Admission" this evening? Is is still consider cheating if you win?

Winky said...

Strictly speaking the empty room contains the car that David Byrne DOES own. (The car(s) he doesn't own are out driving around menacing cyclists.)

Frilly said...

Oh it makes me purr alright, and wanna throw my tail up in the air.

Anyhoo, FWIW, I'm not planning on watching--going to spinning. Don't judge, it's cold here. However, it's sorta like a car wreck...you don't want to look but you can't help yourself.

bikesgonewild said...

...lance - "you want answers ???"...

...oprah - "...i think i'm entitled..."...

...lance - "...you want answers ?!?!?!..."...

...oprah - "...i want the truth !!!..."...

...lance - "...you can't handle the truth !!!"...

...lance - "...bitch - we live in a world that has races up mountains & those mountains need to be climbed by men with serious legs...who else is gonna climb 'em ???...you, oprah ???...i have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom........."...

...oprah - "...did you dope & order your teammates to also ???"...

...lance - "i did the job i had to do"...

...oprah - "...did you dope & order your taemmates to also ?!?!?!"...

...lance - "you're god damn right i did !!!"...

...just sayin'...

Marcel Da Chump said...

babble on, loved your latest blog post!

Frilly said...

Ha ha ha ha, bgw! Funny stuff!

P. Bateman said...

ugh, that ebike video is just the worst. other bikers make me embarrassed to ride my bike. nice matching jersey and gloves queer.

Frilly said...

When I see the Lance/Oprah picture and think about what might be said tonight, for some reason, I start singing Major Tom to myself.

Weird, huh?

bikesgonewild said...

...my post was adapted from a screenplay i'm writing called - "a few good cyclists"...

...tom cruise is gonna play lance but we're gonna have to put wood blocks on his pedals so he looks taller...

...& i'm thinkin' tommy lee jones for thom weisel & bill cosby in drag for oprah...

...formulative stages...any suggestions are appreciated...

...just sayin'...

Fritz said...

that is perfect BGW

Anonymous said...

ounort 307

Anonymous said...

100. So, there.

Anonymous said...

I helped out a drunk college girl once.

She was stuck between a stall and a hard place.

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

The Humpty Dance is a trance.....do the hump.

babble on said...

Marcel - thank you kindly!

BGW - You nailed it. Can't wait for the motion picture. Specially Tom Cruise on EPO. I expect he's had plenty of time to practice his big bully character, so he may be nominated for an oscar after this.

bikesgonewild said...

...i've also been watching 'amish mafia' on the discovery channel to get a handle on the amish / mennonite thing so i can play floyd landis in the production...

.."...didst thou notice how i rode were that ihad absconded with it, brother lance ???"...

...it's a little rough but i'll polish it up...

babble on said...

Your audience might like it a bit rough.

babble on said...

Oh, now that's a fun idea...

Where's the kinkiest place you've ever done it?

I'll start.

In a night-club. On the dance floor... he took me from behind. It wasn't even fetish night... 'cept maybe for us.

Anonymous said...

So, anybody have any good recipies for poached coyote?

ge said...

Okay, in keeping with tonight's theme, it's confession time. I don't really need an excuse not to watch a cyclist I've never liked discuss the worst part of cycle racing with someone who knows nothing about cycling. I just wanna get drunk and pass out by 8pm.

the commentariat said...

Babble, a crowded dance floor, or were you the featured entertainment?

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Babble rouser, video please, or it never happened

babble on said...

I guess that depends on your definition of featured entertainment.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I'd framesaver that

Cipo said...

Holy crapola. I thought this blog had jumped the shark, or Snob had taken yet another OTB while negotiating extremely gnarly trails, dude.
I was wrong, and I apologize. I like boobs.

p.s.: that Captcha shite almost feels like a drug test. Once a month is OK, once daily is just asking too much.

Dude said...

And according to some historians Maine totally stole northern Maine from Canada.

Anonymous said...

Oprah: "Is it tru the entirety of the US Postal team 'gangbanged' Emma O'Reilly thus prompting her to accuse you of using performance enhancing drugs?"

Yeah. I pre-gamed pretty hard for this interview.

Anonymous said...

It's official: he doped. Just to update everyone who doesn't care. (As opposed to everyone who made a big show of not caring and then TOTALLY WATCHED THAT SHIT.)

Anonymous said...

Can you believe it?

Lance Armstrong cheated!

Rollie Fingers said...

I watched it. My favorite part of the interview was when they talked about how Lance disparaged the masseuse Emma O'Reilly and, in Oprah's words, even went so far as to use "the whore word." Way to put it in code there Oprah! "I didn't realize my landlord was a racist, but then one day he said the nigger word."

So if "the N word" is a horrible word that starts with N, "the whore word" must be a horrible word that starts with "whore." What could it be? horefuckingcunttoadbestiality?

Roille Figners said...

Oops, spelled it wrong.

Roille Figners said...

BTW That's pronounced ro-EE fin-YAY

Roille Figners said...

Babs - that's totally been a fantasy of mine, never realized though, because it would require going dancing. I did get busy at a rock club once though. In this tiny little dressing closet off the sound booth. With a mirror. And the sound woman going "You guys okay back there?"

If you read it on the internet, it must be true said...

Lumpen Fredetariat: You just imagined it, so yeah, as far as you know, it happened.

babble on said...

When he says no his body language said yes.






africansingle said...

Oprah Swimfree and the Yellow Slime.

David who lives near where he thinks WRM now lives said...

Ok here's my ill-advised bit of late-night seriousness:

Toward the end of the interview (part the first), when asked about when USADA approached him last year, L.A. energetically says that that's the day he would like to go back and change. He would, he says, have asked them for three days to square things with various parties in private, and then, presumably (I'm not sure he actually said it), come clean to USADA and our great republic.

He didn't express that wish as regards other people or bodies that went against him, be it Emma O'Reilly or the Justice Dept. Why the difference? Because he knows USADA are the ones that nailed him. So he retroactively wants to have bargained with them, rather than blown them off. (Yes, BSNYC commenters, I said "blown", so lay on, MacDuff. "Lay", giggity.)

It's a cliché, but this is a person who is only sorry he got caught.

Same David as previous said...

Along the same lines, he says, explicitly, he regrets his comeback because he feels that if not for that, things wouldn't have gotten to this point, i.e. he would still be able to deny, bully, and sue his way through the allegations. By his own words, that's the world he wants to be living in.

David again, but now I'll stop said...

Does the IOC think people even still have their bronze medals after 12 years? That's kind of like keeping a ticket stub, right?

Anonymous said...

"The craziest place we've ever done it?"

"In the butt, Bob."

Anonymous said...

My wife dropped a can of green beans one time and bent over to pick it up and I slipped her that meat before she knew what happened.

Q: Did you not worry about the kids walking in?

A: The kids? No. But the manager of Wal-Mart said we can never come back in the store.

McFly said...

An embalming room in a mortuary.

I'M SO HOT FOR HER, I'M SO HOT FOR HER, I'M SO HOT FOR HER BUT SHE'S SO COOOLLLLLDDDDD!

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!

Armstrong is a fine athletic sociopath who wants to compete in triathlons? A smokescreen; he's getting out in front of the inevitable lawsuits headed his way from former sponsors etc.

Who cares? the idea of sportsmen as 'heros' is pathetic...certainly we should spend the same focus and monies on teachers as this whole Lance Livestrong crapola...the outcome would be far better.

Recast the conversation; go away Lance, and yeah, forget about competing in triathalons. Take yr money and put it to use somewhere else...teach for America, or rural farm reclamation; just go away.

I'm far faster than Lance, and I think most of the commentariat here are too...fast in that we got to the pleasure of cycling or doing something fun / first! doesn't seem like Lance ever got there.

Maybe, just maybe, the cancer foundation piece was a good piece; but also perhaps it was a cynical hedge against his inevitable unmasking. So again, slow Lance, go take yr monies, and go away; do something good with it if you can; and don't say a f*cking thing. Loser. Slow poke. Etc.

Aerononymous said...

.-'"'-.
/ `. ,' \
| ,' `. |
| ___ |
\ ( . ) /
'-.:.-'
.:.
::: [lf]
:::
::.
'::
'
Here's to your stolen bike Paddy.

Anonymous said...

.-'"'-.
/ `. ,' \
| ,' `. |
| ___ |
\ ( . ) /
'-.:.-'
.:.
::: [lf]
:::
::.
'::
'

The real joke here is the drunk who needs to get his life together.

JB said...

rural 14: If Lance wanted to help himself re: future lawsuits, wouldn't he have just kept his mouth shut and sat on the beach and scoped chics with McConaughey? I'm not pretending to know his motives, but it doesn't appear to be to avoid lawsuits.

Jackie Chiles said...

Hey retards he does not want to go to jail. Good grief.

Anonymous said...

Lance: C-Unit

Cipo said...

Who's got 2 thumbs and is up for a 3-some with Betsy Andreau and Emma O-Really?

>This Guy<

rural 14 said...

@JB
No JB (my fellow 'tard, thanks Jackie!) I think that the momentum years in the making was finally too much for him to stave off with the sneering stare of self-righteousness, and so this was a pre-emptive move.

Talking on Oprah is almost like court no? Massive PR = courtroom revelations moot. He's controlling the beast, inasmuch as there is room for control, not his antagonists, who are just as lamely self-righteous. In the same way that NFL / baseball etc officials and owners / olympians etc turned a blind eye when it was convenient to do so. Not excusing anyone; it's a crappy system.

But Mr Armstrong, like any sociopath, is doing his best to warp reality in his direction. Massive fail all around though. Maybe this'll clean it up, just like beisbol and futbol have been cleaned up...a dry period, and then in 10 years, business as usual.

Or maybe in these 10 years...some focus on the 'real heroes' - kids who can't afford community college, crappy 'no child left behind' game changers, 'urban farmers' ripe as that is for commentary by WCRM, etc. Fashionable sunglasses or better cities and towns? Which is a better use of our time and attention?

Like I said earlier...Lance was beat before he started.

Jackie Chiles said...

Do you even know what a salve does?

Fred Nifacent said...

so does Cipo pull his hands out and sniff his fingers?

Anonymous said...

Douche bag folding bikes! anyway lot of green screen going on in that crappy promo