Friday, January 11, 2013

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

I used to live in a place called Brooklyn, and I still enjoy keeping abreast of the local affairs there because it makes me feel really happy that I moved.  For example, some people in Bay Ridge are apparently very upset about the opening of a "hipster bar" in their neighborhood:


I can certainly understand their concern, though upon closer inspection it turns out that these humble, simple-minded folk are mostly just confused victims of "hipster hysteria:"

“This idea of bringing a young crowd from Williamsburg and Park Slope, it’s unacceptable,” said Elizabeth Pabian, whose backyard borders the Fifth Avenue space between 92nd and 93rd streets where skinny-jean-and-flannel-clad customers will soon sip craft beers from the Midwest. “My whole life will change.”

Firstly, no self-respecting hipster would travel all the way from Williamsburg to Bay Ridge to drink beer.  That's like owning a custom bicycle but traveling all the way across town to borrow your friend's Magna.  Secondly, even if they did, they wouldn't "sip craft beers from the Midwest."  They'd be Midwesterners sipping craft beers, since that's where most people in the trendy parts of Brooklyn come from now.  By the way, here's a photo of the Pabian family:


Fear garden: The Pabian family is petitioning to stop the planned and so-called “hipster beer garden,” The Lockyard, from coming to Bay Ridge — worried that patrons from Northern Brooklyn will bring a tidal wave of noise and property damage.

The Pabians should get their own house in order first, because their son is obviously a closeted hipster.  They needn't worry about any "property damage" though.  Hipsters are typically too frail to break anything, which is why they're the only cyclists in the world still able to ride Spinergys:


(It's like riding on eggshells.)

Of course, the owner of the bar is equally to blame, since everyone knows you never tell anybody you're opening a "hipster bar."  You're supposed to lull the community into a false sense of security by telling them you're opening a sports bar where Thursday will be "homophobia night."  That way, by the time you open and the neighbors see the "bike pile" out front, it will be too late for them to do anything.  Now that's a cunning scheme--almost as cunning as a newspaper taking a boring story about some people in a boring neighborhood who are understandably worried about noise in their neighborhood and trolling for clicks by gratuitously inserting the word "hipster" into every paragraph.

Honestly, I'd expect better from a paper owned by Rupert Murdoch.

Meanwhile, in bike racing news, the Tour of the Battenkill is replacing its pro race with a Gran Fondo:

Unsurprisingly, no sensible company wants to waste its money on pro cyclists anymore:

In November Drake said that things were tough for American races. “The situation right now is impossible. I have had sponsors tell me flat out that we are not going to do any sponsorship in cycling, at least for the foreseeable future. Continental teams in the US have had similar discussions with their own sponsors too; its very hard.”

Which is why Freds are the new pros:

“We needed to make room for the Gran Fondo event which is in pretty high demand,” he told VeloNation today. “There are also fewer and fewer good reasons to be involved in professional cycling these days so it had to go, unfortunately. Many of our sponsors are much more interested interest in Gran Fondo style events and we hope to expand on this format going forward while keeping the traditional age group and category races that are very popular as well.”

Sure, Freds dope just as much as the pros do, but at least they pay for stuff themselves.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll emit a shrill giggle, and if you're wrong you'll see flatulence.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride flatulent.


--Wildcat Rock Machine




1) Which band filmed a video in Portland featuring scores of naked white people and a hairy vagina ball?

--The Flaming Lips
--Grizzly Bear
--The Grizzly Lips
--Slayer






(Like "Frenzy," only smellier.)

2) A Portland man allegedly attempted to strangle his girlfriend with his:

--Dreadlocks
--Penis
--Wallet chain
--Noxiously smug aura of self-satisfaction







(Since filming "Premium Rush," Gordon-Levitt has continued to ride fixed-gear and singlespeed bicycles.)

3) Joseph Gordon-Levitt garnered a top 20 finish in the singlespeed race at the Cyclocross National Championships in Madison, Wisconsin.

--True
--False






(A scene from the movie "I Am Not A Hipster" where you can see a butt.)

4) The film "I am Not A Hipster" has been described as:

--"A stunningly assured debut feature.  Think 'Five Easy Pieces' with indie-rock instead of piano."
--"'The Graduate' for millennials."
--"A stunningly assured debut feature.  Think 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' with hipsters instead of aliens."
--"The most unfortunate film since Ang Lee and Spike Lee collaborated on the universally panned 'Mo' Better Brokeback.'"







5) The New York City Department of Transportation will transform 12,000 obsolete parking meters into:

--Bike racks
--Bike share docking stations
--Electric car charging stations
--Canoe mooring stations in anticipation of rising sea levels caused by climate change






(Sometimes a little reading material can help get things moving.)

6) The New York Times recently reported that three out of five New Yorkers admit to relieving themselves inside a phone booth at least once during the past four weeks.

--True
--False






("Is my scranus supposed to hurt like this?")

7) New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg says bike share is:

--The "wave of the future"
--"Pie in the sky"
--"Smugness incarnate"
--"Now delayed until at least 2016"




***Special Oprah-Themed Bonus Question***

(One of these Oprahs is actually Phil Liggett.  Can you guess which?)

In a scandal that just keeps getting weirder, it's been revealed that Lance Armstrong was planning to fake his Oprah interview, and had actually arranged to sit down with Phil Liggett in a fatsuit.

--True
--False


101 comments:

agentdetroit said...

first, bitches!

Anonymous said...

me

cycle

g. said...

podio!

g. said...

all that f5-ing finally paid off!

Anonymous said...

Chicken fuckr.

Comment deleted said...

Whew! Thought it was going to be a snobless Friday!

Anonymous said...

Dave's not here, man.

theEel said...

weed.

vantage said...

WOOT ! TOP WHATEVER

Buffalo Bill said...

Um, woot?

leroy said...

I'm ready for the Battenkill.

I pulled my signature fail to unclip and fall over move at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge while on my way home last night.

The rider behind me asked if I was okay. (That was nice.)

Then told me I was an inspiration to him. (I figured he must have noticed the smooth way I had traversed the bridge without scaring the tourists in the bike lane.)

Then he asked me how old I was.

Ouch.

All morning long my dog has been following me around telling me how inspiring it is that someone my age can tie his shoes, find his keys, pour Hawaiian Punch on his cornflakes etc.

I’d kick him, but he has the ASPCA on speed dial. I’d chase him, but I’m a little sore.

Ride safe all! Failing that, my dog advises to ride inspirationally.

Anonymous said...

KNEE-HEE-HEE-HEEL BEFORE ZOD.

dirtbag said...

dirtbaggin' for a top ten...

Anonymous said...

Woulda had podium if I hadn't written it that way. (ZOD)

dirtbag said...

or lucky 13...

babble on said...

Happy Friday!!

Charles said...

Closing out the top 20!

Anonymous said...

3rd Oprah row down, 3rd Oprah to the right would get that ass serviced up right and tight until skittles be layin' erwhere.....

babble on said...

heh heh hipster hysteria

Anonymous said...

top twenny!

Anonymous said...

Whoa!! Top XX ?

The Blazing Labia said...

or, hypsteria.

vantage said...

Some people I work with got to me this morning, and not in a good way. Sorry. Won't happen again.

babble on said...

labia hypsteria

David Burn said...

ACED 'EM ALL! do i win a prize?

dirtbag said...

after the hipsters drink all that craft beer, they'll need some mad tarck bike skillz. like the "fixie fart" (standing up and farting while pedaling)and the "fixie vomit" (projectile vomiting over the front wheel so you don't get splashed).

Anonymous said...

Flatulence-propeled recumbent sscx tricycle.

grog said...

outdone by snobbers again! hairy ball of laughs.
Tell me Recumbabe is not a hipster.
FUNK WHIZ

Anonymous said...

Is Mrs. Pabian a manniquin or what?

Anonymous said...

I always always pre in my pants just a little bit on that damn Spoke-n-Scene......

Comment deleted said...

I don't begrudge you your ad revenue, Snobby, but I am tired of seeing a fine man's reputation slandered every day in your sidebar ads.

I am quite sure Jens Voigt does *not* have a pussy!

(Not that there is anything wrong with having one. Some of my favorite people do).

Ace said...

easy quiz this week.
thanks, Snob.

George Ka said...

WRM knows his Hitchcock. I'm impressed,

crosspalms said...

Mmm, cabbage.

leroy said...

Well now this is strange.

I'd always heard that the most unfortunate directorial collaboration was Spike Lee's remake of Ang Lee's "Ice Storm," which became the pilot for "Ice Loves Coco."

Comment deleted said...

Anon @ 2:37,

You can find out more by actually reading the blog, instead of pretending to and posting an inane comment with embedded spam.

Where are my flensing tools? And salt?

Comment deleted said...

(ooh -- Vito's quick today)

Mehjor Taylor said...

Seriously, do reporters and newspapers have to pay people to say such stupid things? Or do some people just have a pathological desire for 15 minutes of fame?

Amarika weeps.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Pink Canoe Mooring Stations

Anonymous said...

Bloomberg IS a crusty old scranus, wrapped in an expensive suit.

babble on said...

YESYESYES!!!
Oh...My...God...
ahhhh
well now THAT was a religious experience!

Frilly said...

"craft beers from the Midwest"

Well isn't that the truth? You can't shoot a snotrocket in StL w/o hitting a microbrewery. No complaints, makes for awesome bike pub crawls.

Speaking of and maybe its just my Midwestern eye, but the whole fam looks to have hipster leanings.

Flyover BC said...

Looks to me like Pabian the Younger is an midwestern farm boy, who's traded his camo jacket for down. He's probably got muscle on his legs from bucking bales of hay, so he'll never be able to wear skinny jeans. So, he'll never will fit-in with the hipsters.

I'm sure he'd like to drink craft beers. But being a midwestern farm boy, he probably drinks whatever is cold, palatable, and doesn't cost six bucks a pint.

sherpa said...

I for one am looking forward to the new Battenkill, since I'm too fat and old to ride the race anymore.

Since it is sponsored by a creamery, shouldn't it be a Gran Fondue?

Mon due, that was a bad joke.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Sherpa,

That joke was a Groan Fondue.

Omigod that was hilarious!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Fnarf said...

Why is that Spinergy hipster dude wearing a shirt that says "I [heart] Parts"?

Marcel Da Chump said...

...and Paul Sherwen is Stedman Graham.

Marcel Da Chump said...

...and Paul Sherwen is Stedman Graham.

Christian Loutoutin said...

Top 50, clicking my heels (wish I was clicking Babble On’s heels)

In the previous BS post Babble On said “that face on the heartless bastards video has lovely breasts.”

On her blog Spokenscene.blogspot a couple of posts ago she put up a picture of herself in front of a bike rack with the caption “I always wanted a nice rack”.

In her 10/25/12 Iona Beach self portraits, you’ll see that she doesn’t exactly look like Olive Oyl. Nice rack indeed!

mikeweb said...

I have to give major props to the writer of that Brooklyn Paper piece for his not so thinly veiled sarcasm:

“I bet 20-somethings would be an even more of a late night crowd, so that perpetuates my fears about the sound,” said Tigio, who is not yet 30 years old herself. “I can hear when a buzzing alarm goes off next door. I can only imagine what this is going to be like.”

This person is so obviously cut out for living in a major city. Maybe she should move closer to the airport.

Herschel Raney said...

I see the shoe spammer has not be contracted out. I am lowering my price to an Easton EC 90 front wheel only. And for a new tire pump thrown in, I will also take out the person who was inspired by leroy for his biking age (unless leroy is 80?).

63 F, time for a ride!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

is that the cast of the "New All In The Family"?

bikesgonewild said...

...holy fuck !!!...saw babble on's latest photo on her site, accidentaly stabbed myself in the eye with my new monte blanc pen & at this point i have no idea what i was about to say...

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Comment deleted said...

Girl is smokin' hot.

And smart, too. The Man is lucky, indeed.

Anonymous said...

How is Babble's pink canoe doing?

Anonymous said...

More posts on here about babble-on than the snob, WildCat you should start posting sexy pics.

Comment deleted said...

Yeah, c'mon RTMS, show a little leg.

bikesgonewild said...

...i'll always give bsnyc/rtms/wcrm his absolute due as master of the bike snobbular forum but one on one, babble on's pink canoe has it all over bsnyc's big dummy...

...at least, i hear that's what his wife calls it...

...just sayin'...

babble on said...

He DOES post sexy pictures- how many other bloggers give you hairy clusterfuck vag balls? Hmmmm?

siGMuNd FRieD said...

My many years of clinical research have led me to the conclusion that marijuana is not a drug but is in fact a vegetable. A Schedule One Vegetable.

babble on said...

And yeah, when it comes to blogging, Wildcat's the man.

bikesgonewild said...

...somehow, a photo of you exposing nothing more than attitude comes up sexier than exposed nipples & hairy vag balls...

...in my book, anyway...

bikesgonewild said...

...infinitely so...

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The King of Park Slope said...

Hipster beirgarten in Brooklyn indeed ... tsk tsk.

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy...sorry to hear of your crash n' burn but i'm sure you carried it off with great aplomb...

..to quote pee wee - "...i meant to do that !!!"...

...to a quick recovery...

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike Snob, do people actually pay to see movies about hipsters? A movie like that has to be good for a lot of nap time.

babble on said...

YES!! Weed is a vegetable... of course it is! It's even the right colour.

Just like chocolate. Cocoa is a bean. Beans are vegetables and thus chocolate is a vegetable. Everyone should have five to ten a day.

Comment deleted said...

I've learned what the shoe/beats spam is all about. Read on if you want to be even angrier.

It has nothing to do with getting you, the blog commenter, to visit their shitty site.

It's solely there to pump their shitty site up the Google ladder.

Fuckers.

Anonymous said...

I'd framesaver that

Anonymous said...

So, which one of the Oprahs was actually Phil Liggett? Don't leave me hanging.

Anonymous said...

I heard babs is a man, man

Austin Danger Powers said...

"that's a man baby"

leroy said...

BGW -- thanks, when I got up, I used the Pee Wee Herman line. Only thing I could think of.

Oh well, at least I remembered to fall on the side where the drive train wasn't and to tuck and roll instead of sticking the arm out. I don't mean to brag, but my dog says that you can tell I fall over a lot.

I'm fine and will take advantage of the good weather tomorrow for a ride up 9W.

Steven McTowelie said...

IS IT 420 YET?

Did I miss it again?

Perrico Delgado said...

Fucking die anon. spammer. WRM, classic!

bikesgonewild said...

...@ comment deleted...so is there any way this can be 'officially' addressed & dealt with...

...it's insidious at this point & obviously some kinda continuous auto-post...

...seems like someone ought to be held accountable & whilst it may be only as you say, a means to boost their 'ratings', how do we know it's not ultimately subterfuge for some type of computer virus even...

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

@Leroy; 11:48

That's good. Last time I fell I forgot to tuck. Didn't break anything, but had a bad enough sprain I went to emergency just to make sure, and couldn't rotate my forearm or make a fist for almost a month. That was @ 10 years ago I think.

Actually, I remember another time I went down more recently, but that happened when I held my front brake too deep into a corner where there was wet cardboard on the street. I was on the pavement before I knew I was going down.

Glad to hear you're OK and stuff.

babble on said...

Ouch... I missed your first comment completely, Leroy, but then I miss a lot of stuff. It's good to know you didn't suffer any major damage.

We might be related. I fall a lot, too.

Epsom salt baths are a bruise's best friend. Well, that and whiskey...

Enjoy your ride today!

Comment deleted said...

bgw, there are technological solutions, but it would be up to Blogger to implement them (one is to prohibit plain URLs - only ones with a special Google-blinding tag would be allowed). Naturally, this would be a pain for everybody involved. Spammers are why we can't have nice things.

Otherwise, maybe Vito needs to go back a day every once in a while to clean out this crap. Otherwise, it's just going to get worse.

Pfredrick Douche'tte said...

Brooks The Pickwick

The last douche' bag you'll ever have to buy ...

Douche' bag

bikesgonewild said...

...so, what we really need is a blogular 'death star' to ace these kinda cretins when they try & move into our on-line neighborhoods...

..."ZAP, POW, ZOTZ !!!...take that bitches...bwahahaha...now yer fucked !!!"...

...ya, i like that...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Spam sucks. Vito needs to get busy and delete that crap.

60 degrees here in Ohio. I went for a 3 hour tour

Flammer said...

I would welcome a hypster bar opening in my small town. They're so soft and white and easy to make cry. It would create a sense of street theater when local yokels stare threateningly at them. As the town's policeman is a cyclist, their bikes are safe from interference, as are the hypsters.

But a movie labelled as 'warm, funny and poignant'? My bowels loosen at the thought of it. Would hypsters even bother? How fucking tedious. I couldn't even get through the preview.

One wonders why the Flaming Lips swing from moments of stunning depth to deliberate stupidity. 'Sashmimi vs the Pink Labiabots' was one of the great albums of the first decade of the third millenium despite this. So a growler cunt ball doesn't shock that much.

Anonymous said...

You might have fun with this invention>>
http://z-torque.com/Home.aspx
& why it doesn't work>>
http://physicsbuzz.physicscentral.com/2013/01/bad-physics-bad-investment.html

Plutarco.

Anonymous said...

Snob. You are being cyberattacked because you are the 'cool' dude. Did you inadvertently insult some ruskie mafia guy or gal? Be careful. It may be seventy degrees and blue sky sunny in your 'smug cocoon' but the real world is a cold and unforgiving bitch dude.

As The Marmalade put it ...

"The world is a bad place, a bad place, a terrible place to live Oh but I don't want to die ..."

leroy said...

Dear Anon 2:38 pm

My dog asked me to suggest that when it comes to world views, Marmalade's impression cannot hold a candle to Lady Marmalad's.

Gitchy gitchy ya ya da da.
Gitchy gitchy ya ya here.

But what does he know. When I first met him, he shared Marmaduke's world view.

Itchy itchy oh crap oh crap
Itchy itchy god damn fleas.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Dear Everybody,

Due to insane amounts of "spam" I'm turning on this word verification comment thingy. It seems better than requiring some sort of login. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Love,

--Wildcat Rock Machine

McFly said...

esilymb6173

1ST LOG INNER!

Suck it.

McFly said...

You can never take that away from me.

leroy said...

Podium word log inner thingy.

My dog told me I'd have to be very brave or very foolish to draft McFly.

JB said...

Is the shot of the Pabian family from The Onion?

babble on said...

Logging in to say WOOOOOOOOT!

Now THAT's the way to start the week... a little sex, a little yoga, a little meditation, a shower and a bike ride, all before eight AM...

MMMMMHMMMMM I love my life.

Welcome back, McFly.

Anonymous said...

IS it 420 yet

Because it sure feels like 420

I'm not a robgot ...

But I is a Bongbot

Anonymous said...

Babble do you realize how all that sounds when you say it in that context?

babble on said...

OH! No, I hadn't...
oh dear... well to clarify, the sex bit was with my man, not with McFly. I managed the yoga, meditation, shower and ride all on my own.

For the record.


Perry said...

Dammit, Snob. I understand that the weather in the NYC region is quite unseasonably warm, but quit riding your mountain cycling bike and give us our Monday post already. Some of in the flyover states, where it is unseasonably cold incidentally, need a little bicycling-related entertainment to make up for the fact that no actual bicycling is occurring.

Brent Muffburger said...

Oh, that recumbabe is a BEAUTIFUL..woman oooohhh…oooohhhh… Wow. If you’re a hipster in New York, start getting the recumbent out and throw it around the back yard with pops!...uuuuuugghhhh….yea, yea….ooooohhhh…

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