Wednesday, December 19, 2012

It's the penultimate Wednesday of 2012. Make it count.

All, right, that's it.  I've officially had it up to here [indicates top of head where helment goes] with the helment nanzis.  Why?  Because yesterday someone Tweeted this article in my direction:


Yes, apparently people are outraged that Tony Hawk took his helmentless daughter for a ride on a skateboard:

INSTAGRAM users have severely criticised skateboarding star Tony Hawk for taking his four-year-old daughter into a concrete bowl without a helmet.

Of course, Instagram users aren't the most savvy people in the world, which is why they subscribe to a service that can license their photos without compensating them.  Anyway, here's what he did:


First of all, you're supposed to fling kids around.  They love it!  Secondly, he's Tony Hawk.  Tony Hawk is like the Tony Hawk of skateboards, and I think he's perfectly capable of piddling around in his own backyard without bashing his daughter's head in--or, as he put it:

"For those that say I endanger my child: it's more likely that you will fall while walking on the sidewalk than I will while skating with my daughter."

Arrrgh-men.  (That's Pirate for "amen.")  But for the love of Lob, put some shoes on that kid, you maniac!!!  Also, you've got to be downright suicidal to hang out with Robert Smith without wearing a helment:


Actually, I'm not sure if that's Robert Smith or an undead Liz Taylor:


You have to admit the two are virtually indistinguishable.

Speaking of helments and danger, I was watching TV last night and saw the following commercial:



Now that's something to get outraged about.  I mean, look at this crap!


You know, maybe if people with shitty credit rode bikes instead of driving cars we wouldn't be a nation of indebted obese people suckling the corporate teat--which is exactly why these all these companies work so hard to shame you out of riding bikes in the first place.  I'm not sure why riding a bike is more humiliating than being an indentured servant to a bank, a car company, and an oil company all at the same time, but that's exactly the mindfuck these companies have managed to pull off, and it's only a matter of time before you start seeing commercials like this:

Bad credit?  No job?  Spent all your money on the lastest smartphone?  How badly do you really want that car?  Well Auto-fellatio.com will give you a car with no money down, no interest, and no monthly payments, and you can just pay us back with oral sex!  Just check out these testimonials:


"I'll do anything to stay behind the wheel of a car.  Good thing there's no APR on dignity."




"This scarf is easing the pain in my neck muscles but it cannot hide the shame.  Still beats riding a bike!"




"My jaw is tired as shit but I am loving this new car!"

Of course, if you think road rage is bad now, just wait until most drivers have had to fellate their way into their car:


("Out of my way!  You know how many dicks I had to suck for this Beemer?")

With the way things are going, I figure blowjobs will replace the US dollar in about five years. at which point I guess we'll finally be able to pay off our debt to China.

Speaking of delusion, professional cyclists continue to come up with innovative ways to excuse their past doping, and the latest angle is that doping is actually harder than not doping:


“The drugs made me feel sluggish at first, but eventually I got used to them. I assumed they helped me physically, but I didn’t expect the mental toll. If you’re not sleeping and feel paranoid and guilty all the time, it affects your performance massively. It was only once I stopped that I realized the gains were minimal.”

In other words, he was actually at a disadvantage to the clean riders and therefore deserves sympathy instead of scorn--which might be worth something if there were actually any clean riders.  

Meanwhile, in cyclocross, where nobody dopes, it looks like they're barely going to be able to pull off this World Championships in Louisville, KY:


In fact, not only is the sponsor a total deadbeat, but they've hardly sold any tickets:

"We've sold 2,500 tickets, but we'd like to double that at least. We are also hoping to get a few more sponsors, and we are hoping that the industry will help by purchasing VIP areas that are still available."

Evidently people don't like cyclocross as much as they've been pretending to--either that, or they're all defecting, in which case I blame that SRAM video.  As for where they're defecting do, my best bet is they're getting into competitive karaoke and buying karaoke bikes:



Washington, D.C. is the new epicenter of bicycling - and home of District Karaoke, D.C.'s first-and-only team-based, competitive karaoke league.

District Karaoke is dedicated to building community through karaoke - singing is a fantastic way to introduce people to each other and have fun.

Which sounded like a waste of money, but which is actually a good investment compared to the "Bag Buddy:"


(Click here to watch, I can't get the stupid video embedding to work.)

I have a number of reservations regarding the Bag Buddy, though I am convinced that this guy needs to invent a Shirt Buddy if he's going to carry his bike like that:


I'm also disinclined to take cycling advice from people who ride on the sidewalk:


And who salmon wantonly:


Anyway, have you ever been in a situation where you needed to hang a plastic bag on your handlebars?  Sure you have, which is why you know it sucks.  It's also why you don't want a sketchy bag-hanging counterbalance system reminiscent of those sandbags they use in theaters:

I mean look at this:


Next come the outrageous claims, such as: "There are three important benefits to the Bag Buddy, number one being safety," after which we see our safety-minded inventor riding on the sidewalk with four shopping bags hanging from his handlebars:


"The second important benefit is maneuverability," he says.  "You can take hard turns and short stops with no problem."  Then he makes a short stop and his Key Food bags start swinging like low-hanging "pants yabbies:"


Not annoying at all.  So what's the third benefit?

"The third benefit is decreased risk of wheel pinches."

I don't even know what that is.

I do know what the Bag Buddy is though, and that's a bad idea.  If he really likes carrying stuff on his handlebars, why not get a pair of bar ends?  Has he really never watched Chinese food delivery cyclists?  Nobody hands plastic bags from their handlebars like those guys.

A plastic bag handlebar-hanging enthusiast who doesn't copy the Chinese food delivery guys is like a fakenger who doesn't wear a messenger bag.

166 comments:

Spokey said...

wahoo! podia!

I knew that Martell's Creation Grand ExtraAll would do the trick. Thanks sis.


rocky said...

PODIUM. SCRANUS. boosh

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

ken e. said...

"i'm driving here!"

babble on said...

counting

3G said...

I just soiled myself

Anonymous said...

NO FUCKS GIVEN!

FUCK RAPHA!

streepo said...

scranus

Anonymous said...

hell yeah, top 10. Amd I´m backed again. I´m too good.

Anonymous said...

yes

cycle

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Lob-Damn funny today sir.

BAGB UDDY

Kenny said...

CUT TONY SOME SLACK.

SOME DAY HE MIGHT HELP MAKE BILLS TO BECOME LAWS!

Anonymous said...

Shshasha

babble on said...

I LOVE you, Snobbums. Thank you for cheering me up. Before you know it, the exhaulted BJ will be the world's new greenback, and our standard global currency, which means my Revolutionary Head seminars are bound to be a hit.

Then all we have to do is worry about blow job lock jaw. Never heard of it? My girl Shirl will tell you all about it.

babble on said...

Never had low hanging pants yabbies to compare it to, but I have hung enough bags from my handlebars over the past couple of decades to know that there is nothing you can do to make that a safe undertaking.

Low hanging pants yabbies have GOT to be a good thing by comparison, though I'm well pleased not to have any.

LOVE LOVE LOVE you.
Look out, lifestyles of the rich and famous...

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Funny you should mention the job thing, because just this morning....

Me: Lady, is that your horn that keeps going off in my ear and scaring the crap out of me?

Lady: Yes it is buddy

Me: Why are you doing that?

Lady: You cut me off, you're gonna get killed.

Me: Where did I cut you off? i have been riding straight in this bike lane for about a mile.

Lady: If you had a license plate on that thing, I'd call the cops right now.

Me: TELL YOU WHAT, ITS YOUR LUCKY FUCKING DAY, WHY DON'T YOU PULL OVER, I'LL CALL THE COPS AND WE CAN BOTH WAIT FOR THEM????!!!!

Lady: Well, I have a job to get to! (emphasis on the "I" like one of us - the unemployable bicycle rider- doesn't)

Me: YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE, LADY. IN THE MEANTIME, TAKE THAT HORN AND SHOVE IT RIGHT PAST YOUR SCRANUS AND INTO YOUR ASS!

Two lights later, I told a cop directing traffic she was harassing me with her horn. i knew he wouldn't do anything but he did hold her up for three light cycles while he "figured out what the hell was going on here"

Next time I will answer the Job comment with (the obvious): "Oh, in a hurry to suck some more cock to pay off that range rover?"

leroy said...

Penultimate Wednesday of 2012?

Piffle.

According to the Mayans, this is the ultimate Wednesday.

My dog and his buddies have decided to spend today hanging out in Times Square, wearing fake antler headbands, and telling folks they're Santa's reindeer.

For $5.00, they'll let you take their picture in front of the Toys-R-Us.

For $10, they'll share the bourbon they brought along to keep warm.

Just hope they brought enough for the Naked Cowboy. That guy must get chilly.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Babble, there is something you can do to make it a safe undertaking....

Use your basket. (and save your scranus)

Anonymous said...

Since I have money in the bank does that mean that I'll be the one felated?

McFly said...

From hence forth you shall address me as Billy Ray Virus.

LESSROBERTSMITHORIMAFUCKINKILLYA!

babble on said...

Daddo -

IIIIII know, right? That's why I invested in a basket and panniers. I don't even like riding with a backpack if I can help it...

But I do like the new currency. LOVE it.

babble on said...

Erm... but some of us are without scranus...

just sayin

Cristobol de Santa Cruz said...

Nicolas,
1. So you are the reason all the fucking plastic bags end up in the Great Pacific Plastic Patch Gyre. Get a clue! Plastic bags are being banned, you are waisting your time. Buy a saxophone to go with your hat and join a hip hop jazz fusion group.
2. Who knew you could buy a home ball cleaner? I always went to the local golf club and just freshened up there! How more convenient life is in 2012.

Anonymous said...

Excellent bikeblogreading today: you and Yehuda.
Thx to both of ya!

babble on said...

Leroy - you're right. It is the ultimate Wednesday. I guess if the world is about to end, we can all stop flossing now.

Bourbon for breakfast, anyone?

Marcel Da Chump said...

Singing in the scranus.

82medici said...

Well, it looks like "Exergy Development Group, a wind-energy company based in Idaho", was just a bunch of hot air, but there is still hope. Papa John, Humana, and a local auto dealer have stepped up to the plate: http://www.courier-journal.com/article/20121217/NEWS01/312170051/Three-business-leaders-fund-cyclo-cross-championship

Now, y'all buy a ticket and come on down for a good time!

Comment deleted said...

Yes, because I have always thought that the only problem with karaoke is that it isn't everywhere, all the time.

The Magnificent Omri said...

FINGERBANG ALL THE FAKENGERS!

crosspalms said...

Bag Buddy guy left out the fourth big benefit of his gizmo: thinning of the herd.

Ho Monymous said...

For a second there, I thought you wrote that the cyclocrossers were defecating.

I got to get new glasses.

Aerononymous said...

There's no business like blow-business.

Mind the stepchildren.

Yes that's a bandage on my scranus. I scraped it badly on a post pantless Santa-Con ride.

How bad do you want that Hyundai?

Anonymous said...

Yeah being on a skateboard with tony hawk is a lot safer than being in a car with my mother.

cycle

ge said...

Those auto-fellatio.com photos were taken from Instagram, weren't they? I'm so cancelling my account. Oh wait, I don't have a stupid account.

And way too much improper uses of scranus today. If you don't know how to use it, just use the gender-neutral taint. Unless of course you're questioning the sexuality of the said woman, then carry on.

And, fuck it all, McFly, I woulda never put my $20 in the pool if I thought you'd hold out this long. WTF?

Anonymous said...

Beautiful Babble - yes make mine neat. Bourbon for breakfast is the very best idea ever.

cycle

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

to be clear...

I was saying (one should) use your basket, therefore saving (one's) scranus

I was not implying hermaphroidism of any kind.

And "taint' won't get your comment saved.

So, Scranus.

Anonymous said...

("Out of my way! You know how many dicks I had to suck for this Beemer?")

Finally, truth in advertising.

Your last post in the history of the world will probably be remembered as the best.

babble on said...

Gotcha, Esteemed Daddo, and really -no offense taken.

babble on said...

Um, and SCRANUS stimulation is a good thing, right?

Kindov like Cocksuckers, which are clearly good for the economy now, too.

How many hummers for a Hummer?

82medici said...

Mr. Snob-
Regarding the title to today's blog, if you are in a Mayan frame of mind today is the ULTIMATE Wednesday of 2012 (and forever).

babble on said...

Heh heh... helment nanzis. Is that like being a nancy boy?

Anonymous said...

All you haters GENTLY suck my...





balls™

82medici said...

Leroy, Babble, et al:
I now realize that my Mayan comment above was late to the game. Too much bourbon for breakfast today. Come to the 'cross worlds and get it (bourbon) closer to the source, and maybe pizza too? Thanks Papa.

Buffalo Bill said...

It's a nice offer and all but I don't want a car that bad.

Thanks anyway.

Anonymous said...

Wait, you mean I can pay for stuff with dicksucking now? FUCK YES

yankees suck said...

@anon 2:04

it's already how you pay for crack. why not cars? people who use either one behave pretty much the same anyway.

J said...

That commercial is all wrong; why show a helmet, why even try to protect a brain that can't maintain good credit?!

Anyway, snob, what's the latest on your folder, get one yet, I want to ogle it already!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, this commenting section is not the free-for-all I imagined it would be while reading the post. I fully expected a virtual McFly-Babblefest of epically fellated goodness.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, SCRANUS!

Nardwuar said...

Doot doota loot do...

Anonymous said...

"My jaw is tired as shit but I am loving this new car!"

Gold, Jerry! Gold!!!!

grbiker88 said...

I love it when my bag buddy gives me wheel pinches.

Sigmund Fried said...

"No APR on dignity."

YOU THE AWESOME!

Helment Hitler said...

Helment Inspection! 2200 Today. Reich Chancellory. 4th floor.

agentdetroit said...

blowjobs are money? i'm rich!

CommieCanuck said...

"Tony Hawk is like the Tony Hawk of skateboards" winna. Tony Hawk is the Tony Hawk of everything.

So not forcing your kid to wear a helmet is bad parenting. But, voting for the retards who repeal assault rifle bans is ok. Does Tony send his kid to school without an Old Navy Kids kevlar vest?

In northern climates, more people die and get injured from slipping on ice -so where are the winter helmet laws? You let your kid walk outside below freezing? Call child protective services.

My children have seen the recumbabe. She looks funny and cold, and she could get chain grease on her.

Dooth said...

Tony Hawk also took Robert Smith for ride on his board. At Smith's request--thinking it might Cure him of a nasty road rash--Hawk held Smith by his scranus.

mikeweb said...

I'm not sure why riding a bike is more humiliating than being an indentured servant to a bank, a car company, and an oil company all at the same time, but that's exactly the mindfuck these companies have managed to pull off.

I'm always surprised when I see a commercial for some other product (smartphones, lottery tickets, etc.) and the commercial is set in or on some form of mass transit: bus stops, trains, stagecoach, etc.

Also, commercials for cars specifically have a few axioms that are very misleading. Traffic jams do not exist. Stop lights are always green. Potholes, what potholes? (Unless the ad is for a truck or SUV, then the entire road isn't there) and of course, the driver always gets to park right in front of their destination regardless of how 'urban' the setting is.

Anonymous said...

Unsolicited advice...

Snob, you should have kept going with the blow jobs as payment concept. Very funny but with lots of funny left untapped there.

Drugs made me slower racer guy. Again, lots of potential funny left with that too.

Bag buddies? Pathetic Kickstarter humor. Not worth your time anymore. You're past that level of low hanging funny...and so are we.

Pop up Karaoke? No funny here at all. This is a real game changer and something not easily mocked or dismissed. Fuck, if Elvis were a business plan this is what he would look like. Don't walk - RUN to invest in this. I am deadly serious.

mikeweb said...

My bag buddy likes to just hang around. Unless he gets excited, then he thinks he's above it all.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 2:54, don't walk - Run for the exit. Thanks for visiting. Do not let the door hit you in the arse on the way out.

Anonymous said...

Nice choice of shots from the Bag Buddy video. I especially like the wrong way riding shot wit run down house with the BMW in the front corner. Beautiful work my friend!

Jed said...

Cc Cipo:
Sucking dick is the new eating pussy. Bicycling will soon soon be smug AND prudish.

tobeistobex said...

I was the first in my class
...at law
I was the first of my class in law.


"Well, it should be a very good blow job."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcaVSTsYyOI

Jed said...

And dont you even try to put low octane in the 'tank'. She'll choke like honey boo boo's mom swallowing a broken drumstick.

The Dali Iguana said...

When in the midst of a moral quandry I ask me own self, "What would lob do?"

Jed said...

Hey Snob, pay attention. This commenter took time out from sucking dicks to give you some comedic guidance.

Jed said...

He didnt hear you. Too busy working on a 'down payment'.

The King of Park Slope said...

Well, only a cocksucker would drive a beemer.

CommieCanuck said...

Is this also bad parenting?

Rollie Fingers said...

Bag Buddy is a great example of a clever fix to a problem that you could've solved earlier (by not hanging shit off your bars). Next up, I shall tackle Tony Hawk's problem. Since the only negative effect of skating like that with his daughter is all the unwanted input from judgmental assholes, and since he didn't take the opportunity further upstream to NOT JOIN INSTAGRAM, I now introduce: Social Media Buddy. It's a software widget for your computer or mobile device. Any time you try to post anything to Instagram, Twitter, etc., it intercepts it and stops it, but shows it back to you on "your feed" (actually fake), with tons of "likes" on it.

grog said...

Thanks for the Babe.
She sure gets around.

Scr-aaarrrgh-nus (pirate private)

Anonymous said...

Shoot, I'm broke. If only there were some way I could get poorer by paying interest on something. :(

Scranus Aurelius said...


Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it.

Scranus

Anonymous said...

Gotta admit I miss the Babs/McFly love-fest.

Friendo said...

FELL ATIO
SUCK DICK
BLOW JOBS
DOPE PUSS

Keep calm and douche on said...

Anon 4:14 - Really? Apparently Mrs McFly doesn't share your sentiment.

Telegram Sam said...

Anybody else catch they left the fucking watermark on one of the stock clips they used? That commercial could not get more ghetto if they filmed it upside down.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike Snob, bag buddy seems to solve a problem for those riders who refuse to put a rack on the back of their bike or wear a backpack. The inventor flunked "Problem solving 101." The person who buys it, flunked it twice.

McFly said...

My sponsor has advised me to take it "One Comment at a Time" in regards to the theme of today's BLOWJOBS FOR KIA'S blogular.

Some girls would be in a Ferrari Italia 458.

Some girls would be in an '89 Celebrity with a missing hubcap.

It's supposed to rain biblically Thur and Fri so I am going up on the roof to clean the leaves out of my gutters. I cannot seem to stay out of the gutter no matter how hard I try.

JB said...

McFly, re: the car metaphor, they both will get you where you need to go, although one may need a little push.

bikesgonewild said...

...okay, so who gets to be the ratio/balance arbitrator in these barter situations...

...& if i'm not willing to give blowjobs, can i 'go down' on designated women who will then in turn pay up in this new 'currency of the realm' ???...

...will there be 'blowjob ombudsmen' (& ombudswomen) to keep this fair & on the up n' up ???...

...is this gonna work for all kinds a other stuff ???...

..."...that new tv you ordered is now in stock..."...
..."...great !!!...i'll be right over to pick it up & i'll have my cocksucker in the car..."...

...& will the term 'cocksucker' lose it's new exalted status that babble on has worked so hard to help it achieve ???...

...so many things to come to terms with before we rush head long into this...it could suck badly before it gets better...

Anonymous said...

I loved toay's post:
getting black chicks,
getting your balls scrubbed and played with
and
blowjobs

babble on said...

You mean workING so hard to exalt. It would have much greater status - it would become the almighty cocksucker!!

I just love the sound of that.

Sounds like happy slurping....

All the colored girls said...

doo, de doo, de doo, doot de doot doo, de doo, de doo, doot de doot dooooooo

bikesgonewild said...

...sometimes there is nothing so great as a 'work in progress'...

...an artist is an artist is an artist...

...all hail the almighty cocksuckers of this land...

Rollie Fingers said...

My favorite part of the infuriating car loan video:

http://i48.tinypic.com/s6rajs.jpg

crosspalms said...

anon 2:54
Thanks for overrating us so highly. There is NO level of funny too low for us.

bikesgonewild said...

...speaking of television & uhhh, cocksuckers, i hadda find out who the uber-hot, dark-red haired vixen in the 'dewars scotch' tv add is...

...thank you google (finally - good for something 'important')...

...40 year old (no apologies, baby...you're SO much hotter than some cutsey vacuous 20 year old )englishwoman claire antonia forlani, using a scots accent, is the perfect, ahhh, mouthpiece for a drink one thinks of as sliding over ones tongue all warm, smooth & smoky...

...the kinda girl you'd be delighted to go down on 'cuz you just KNOW........................

McFly said...

Fellation payment girl #2 is very pretty. I would like to take her out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.

Wildcat you are what we call in the recovery business "an enabler".

Dooth said...

Eventually, Wall St will securitize blowjob barters and they'll be traded on The New York Cock Exchange.

Vegas said...

SK8 OR DIE

bikesgonewild said...

...thank you, dooth...

...as you can see, i had my concerns as to how this 'cocksucking as barter' system would come to fruition...

...but i guess the groundwork was laid out long ago...by 'professional' women...& enthusiasts...

Vegas said...

McFly I'm partial to payment girl #1, and her outstretched hand should not be cradling keys but rather scranus.

bgw, so correct. I have seen her in movies before, though, I believe with De Niro in Ronin. Lovely. A google image search may be in order, though. Just to be sure.

bikesgonewild said...

...vegas...yep...also sean connery's daughter in "the rock"...

...i'll never look at the 'palace of fine arts' in sf's marina district (where they met at the end of the movie) in quite the same light...

McFly said...

I "drew some flak" yesterday.

The boy studied his ass off for a test and completely did not do AN ENTIRE SECTION of the test and made a low C instead of a high A.

We made him a Cone of Shame from construction paper and did the FB photo thing (he thought it was funny).

I have never recieved so many hate comments in my life.

Vegas said...

Oops my bad, diff hot British 40-something in Ronin. Yes, The Rock that's it.

Vegas said...

Hahaha, well McFly everyone knows those new inflatable-neck-donuts are far more humane than the cones.

McFly said...

http://vimeo.com/11695455

YO Wildcat Rock Machine at roughly 50-55 seconds into this video there is some crucial submerged tree crossing porn.

This tree is much lower than the one one that clutched your head but you get the idea.

bikesgonewild said...

...vegas...

...i gave up drinking whiskey in my 20's & i'm almost dumb enough to buy a bottle of dewars just because of smoky hot claire forlani...

...now THAT is effective advertising...

...you'll note one of the adds briefly features a number of younger women & in my book, they so do not even compare...

...obsessive you say ???...ya...but i know what i like...

The Poles said...

HERE HERE I AM CALLING A VOTE!

Payment Girl #1 or Payment Girl #2?

Which is it? There will be many low-hanging chads.

Wart and Piece said...

It was the best of scranus, it was the worst of scranus.

-Tonyhawkstoy

Anonymous said...

The BJ's for barter notion has been around for a while.
Look at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel for Chrissakes.
Eve is using her mouth to persuade Adam to do something - but she aint a talkin'.
She's a suckin'.

McFly said...

#2. I am a sucker for Hot Nerd Glasses.

Anonymous said...

#1 all the way. She looks like more fun. She's a dirty girl. OHHH YES SHE'S A DIRTY GIRL, HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH

"You're my dirty girl. Are you my dirty girl?"

"mmm-hmm"

"SAY IT"

"I'm your dirty girl"

OHHHHHHHHHHHH

bikesgonewild said...

...to be fair, i think robert smith/dead liz taylor should have been included in that poll/pole...

...& i'd vote for the dewars chick, even if she's not included in your dumb poll...

...see ???...i am obsessed...

Vc douche said...

Brilliant, great idea, here is 500, 000 in seed money to get you through the first few months and get a prototype. Don't forget to make an app for that

P. Bateman said...

well, now that sucking cock can get you some nice things beyond just the normal dinner and a movie, i guess i'll be doing a bit of extra shopping at Tiffany's before christmas.


ooooh, i wonder what i would get for blowing santa? probably a something REALLY nice. or possibly just a lip infection followed by a burning sensation when i pee on.

Jolly Saint Snobolas, since tomorrow is the last day before the end of the world, you better make tomorrow's post just fukking epic!!

Rollie Fingers said...

Dewar's chick does rule.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I took part in a certain transaction this morning before work and if this is going to be the new monetary system I'm all about it.

I've developed a fondness for Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey. No chaser required.

The Mechanic said...

"We think you blew a seal...."

Ms. Penguin: "No I have just been eating ice cream."

CommieCanuck said...

Eu.too far.

CommieCanuck said...

Ha.

Anonymous said...

To all those jokers referencing the end of the world prophecy, I resent you for several reasons:

1. It reminds me that the world indeed is endings, albeit painfully slowly, ala a slow simmer amongst predatory lenders, crappy products, and cantankerous gun loving buzzards.

2. I am unable to find any humor in Thinking that some are so dumb as to believe that nonsense.

McFly said...

Yo RCT love love LOVE the Ergons. They shaved 1:28 off my video store trip.

I am getting a set for my weedeater.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That great McFly! Yeah the ergons are the whip. I wouldn't steer you wrong my friend. Video store eh?

leroy said...

I knew it!!

My dog owes me 10 bucks!

He bet me McFly's decency pledge wouldn't last 24 hours.

McFly said...

Yeah we can just click on Dish and get them but I like to support local businesses and I get to ride some sweet trails to get there.

Cipo, accept no substitute said...

"Out of my way! You know how many dicks I had to suck for this Beemer?" Or one swallow of the master's monster sized monster.

ge said...

As much as Mc Fly's obsession with lude, filthy comments annoyed the fuck out of so many of us, this is creeping me out. Really, really creeping me out. Really. Scranus.

McFly said...

Your welcome.

Tyler's Chimera said...

Tyler's been a real bitch lately. Oceans of recreational droogs. I want to be drug free! What a major a$$hole.

His perfect glutes ...

gluteal implants!

Bitch!

Henny 'Borscht Belt' Douche'man said...

Henny: Had me first blow job today.

Straight man: How did you like it?

Henny: I was great! (pause)

Henny: How long does it take for the taste to go away?

(cue rimshot)

Anonymous said...

What happened to a blog about bicycles?

babble on said...

I like number one. And Dewars. And Ms Bateman's shopping habits.

babble on said...

This is about bicycles. It's about how we're going to pay for our bicycles.

Anonymous said...

Babbles getting a gold-plated Pinarello.

Anonymous said...

With a groupset made from unicorn kidneys.

babble on said...

mmm SKOR cupcakes... mmm :)

Anonymous said...

#2, never met a Ginger that was not a stone-cold fuck machine.

Anonymous said...

Heys Babs what's your head %?
(If you "do it" 10 times how many out of those times do you orally prep it?)

Henny 'Borscht Belt' Douche'man said...

Take my spondee ...

PLEASE!

rimsahot

Yarpo said...

All this scranosity and no one hs yet scremed, "VULVANUS!!!!"

Gosh, I feel better now. Oh yeah, and Anon 2:54: we will NEVER be past that level of low-hanging funny, especially with Kickstarter!

Lantern Rouge!

Yarpo said...

"Has." I mean't, "has."

Is there some rum in the cupboard?

Yarpo said...

Holy Shit! "SCREAMED!!!"

WHERE'S THE GAWDDAMN RUM?!!!!!

leroy said...

Oh for crying out loud.

I've got a living room full of dogs wearing fake antlers and singing karaoke.

I'll never be able to get up and ride in the morning.

babble on said...

Oh hey...!

This gives a whole new meaning to Blowing Your Money.

bikesgonewild said...

..."...i saw mommy blowing santa claus...
...underneath the mistletoe last night...
...she bleated like a sheep...
...as he plunged that member deep...
...i knew for sure, that she's get fucked...
..by that old red-suited creep...

...then i saw mommy tickle santa claus...
...underneath his scranus, red & bright...
..ohhh, such a laugh it would have been,
...if his elf all dressed in green...
...had fingered mommy blowing santa late last night !!!..."
...

...not quite sure if these are the traditional lyrics but i THINK that's what we used to sing around the tree...


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Gents bicycles said...

These questions include attempts to gather information about how fast the driver was going, whether he or she was drinking at the time of the accident, and whether the bicyclist was observing the rules of the road as well.

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The Ghost of Liz Taylor said...

You ain't had a blowjob until you've had the "Cleopatra", the finale includes your eyes rolling back in your head and all 10 toes curling below your feets simultaneously.

(Because I just pulled a string of diamonds out of your asshole)

bikesgonewild said...

..."...(Because I just pulled a string of diamonds out of your asshole)..."...

...dear 'ghost of liz taylor'...i'm down for the 'cleopatra' but how did you hear where i store my diamonds ???...

The Ghost of Liz Taylor said...

Andy Warhol gave me what the kids refer to as the "411"....

Anonymous said...

So, where's the rant?

JB said...

The Dewars babe looked very familiar (unfortunately not that familiar). Apparently I watched season 3 of CSI:NY.

JB said...

Oh, and payment girl #1.

Anonymous said...

THE END IS NEAR!(I am gonna smack it)

Anonymous said...

Fuck!

babble on said...

Every day.

erikbeng said...

Hmmm...I don't know. Does the Bag Buddy come in Leather and Brass?

Anonymous said...

There was a reddit post about Tony Hawk skating with his daughter and one of the top comments was "Tony Hawk is like the Tony Hawk of skateboarding". Is Snob a redditor? Stealing material from commentors?

Nate said...

Do you realize penultimate means second to last? Other than that, great post! You're spot on about Town Hawk and the culture of fear in this damn place and the irony of poor, fat people trying to get into cars and being ashamed of riding bikes. After all's said in done, they get the shaft.

Nate said...

You do know that penultimate means second to last, right? Other than that, spot on about Tony Hawk and the culture of fear, and the irony of impoverished, obese people trying to get cars and feeling ashamed about "having" to bike. It's so backwards, and when all's said in done this strange perception of reality in the Canada's spitoon really just gives the shaft to all those poor blokes trying to live the dream and be a slave to car companies, oil companies and banks.

HAND JAWB said...

"Nobody hands plastic bags from their handlebars like those guys."

Hands or hangs?
WTF do I know?

Ana Swifts said...

Counting every day...
Ball Gowns

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