Monday, November 26, 2012

When You Have Your Own Blog You Can Just Type In Whatever You Want Up Here!

Hi!  How was your Thanksgiving?  Did you eat turkey?  Tofurkey?  Foturkey?  Pho turkey?  A turducken?  A whahorcopiturducken?  (That's a whale stuffed with a horse stuffed with a cow stuffed with a pig stuffed with a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken.)  A cat?  (Great turkey alternative if you're on a diet.)  Whatever it was, I hope it was totally ahhh-some, and so forth, and may the poor people of the world salivate covetously as the leftovers grow moldy in your refrigerator.

Amen.




As for me, after my docafish (a dog stuffed with a cat stuffed with a goldfish) I gave thanks for my new abode.  You know, I was apprehensive at first, but I'll be darned if living on the observation deck of the Empire State Building isn't all I hoped it would be and more.  Not only do the extreme wind gusts obviate the need for vacuuming, but tourists are also appreciative of my spirited song and dance numbers and fill my upturned top hat with loose change after nearly every performance.  The point is that I'm flush--so flush I may get myself a new bicycle cycle:

I've been pretty "out of it" so I had no idea Nashbar was selling a 650b mountain bike until I was perusing my off-brand tablet for bargains while using the bathroom this morning.  Yes, 650b is the new 29er which was the old 650b which was the new 26" which was the new 700c and so forth, and you know it's only a matter of weeks before this wheel size shows up in Walmart now that Nashbar's on board:

The new 650b mountain bikes are the next big thing and the Bee's Knees 2x10 650b mountain bike is a perfect example of why. The Bee's Knees has the benefits of a 29er without the draw backs. Its bigger size wheels(about 27.5") means you can roll over stuff that would stop most 26" MTB's, but it is smaller and more nimble than a full-size 29er bike. It's a sweetly spec'd bike at a value you won't find anywhere else.

Presumably this also means that 650b tires, tubes (if you're one of those LOSERS who still uses inner tubes) and forks are all widely available now, which is precisely why I won't be embracing this wheel size.  I prefer the sense of smug self-satisfaction that comes with riding a truly obscure "standard," and so I'm converting my entire stable to 640q.  In case you don't subscribe to the Rivendell Reader, 640q was the standard wheel size for 18th century Austrian hay carts, and it has all the benefits of 29er wheels and 650b wheels with none of the drawbacks.  (This is just another way of saying it's round.)  Sure, I need to hand-stitch my own tires, but it's a small price to pay for something that doesn't overlap with my elf shoes:

I shouldn't have to waste time explaining why the discriminating cyclist rides in elf shoes, though I will point out they have all the benefits of genie shoes with none of the drawbacks:


I mean seriously, who still rides in genie shoes?  Probably rides a 29er with inner tubes too.  Also, as a bike blogger I would be remiss if I didn't include a wheel size-themed poll, so here it is:



Eat that, legitimate cycling press.

Meanwhile, in other product news, did you know that there's finally a home test for dried semen?


(Cyber Monday special!  Buy six dried semen tests and get a free weed test!  Because if you can't keep track of where you ejaculated then you're probably stoned.)

Sorry, wrong blog.  I get confused "curating" so many.  I meant to post that one on I Can't Believe It's Not Semen.  (I'm announcing a book deal for that one imminently.  The packaging is going to be fantastic, right down to all the pages being stuck together.)  Oh, I almost forgot the semen poll:


Is it semen?

Anyway, please allow me to start again.

Meanwhile, in other product news, a reader informs me that if you live in a place with no bicycle infrastructure you can now buy yourself your very own bike lane on eBay:


Here's how it works:



Why just be visible to motorists when you can also confuse the fuck out of them?  The biggest problem I see here is that the areas without bicycle infrastructure tend to be rural--the very same places where people in overalls keep thinking they're seeing alien spaceships.  Therefore, should you attempt to use one of these, the best-case scenario is that it leads to a sudden uptick in reported UFO sightings, and the worst-case scenario is that someone throws you into his pickup truck and you wind up in a "I'm a-gonna probe you before you probe me" situation.  (Yes, I'm an expert on rural American speech patterns, because to me the vast expanse between the coasts is just one gigantic stereotype.)

This is not to say we don't have our own problems here in New York City, and indeed the authorities are looking to question a salmon in connection with the death of a skateboarder:


"The skateboarder was moving along side the truck. A man on a bicycle riding north on University place caused the skateboarder to swerve into the truck with his board and himself going underneath the vehicle. The truck driver was not doing anything wrong and probably could not have seen the Boarder who was moving along the right side of the truck."

And here is video of the salmon, who evidently just rides away from the scene of the deadly collision he may well have caused:


This person could very well be the absolute worst cyclist in all of New York City--but, you know, at least he was wearing his helment.  And if nothing else, it could be time to introduce a "zero tolerance" policy towards bike salmoning--just like Alberto Contador wants to introduce a "zero tolerance" policy towards doping:


"For cycling, it should be zero tolerance, I express myself less certain but it is clear that there is no place for cheaters," the Spaniard explained.

Presumably the zero tolerance policy does not apply if the substances in question are contained in meat, a delicious loophole known as the "steak exemption."

Lastly, speaking of stereotypes (as I was earlier), it's both easy and fulfilling to stereotype Freds, and here's an email I recently received:


dear BSNYC
i thought this might interest you



Indeed it does, though I believe in that part of the world they're called Frédérics.

154 comments:

Anonymous said...

First

Anonymous said...

No mention of Rob Ford?

Anonymous said...

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I'm trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I'm not
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Anonymous said...

You're so interesting! I don't think I've truly read something like that before. So wonderful to find somebody with some unique thoughts on this issue. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This website is one thing that's needed
on the web, someone with a bit of originality!
my site - amber leaf

Anonymous said...

I savour, cause I found exactly what I used to be looking for.
You have ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man.
Have a great day. Bye
My webpage > old amber leaf green

babble on said...

Happy Monday!

Chad said...

Front of the CAT6 pack!

Jimboner said...

Opa!

JB said...

Behind Babble, where else?

babble on said...

Ok, I'll bite.

NoFordsNoFordsNoFordsNoFordsNoFordsforMayor!

You know how some Mondays start off Nasty and just get worse? NOT THIS ONE!!!

Happy happy joy joy this is a great day!!

JB said...

Spam on the podium?
...
...

Anonymous said...

the toilet is for poo'in, not for read'n.

Anonymous said...

Direction

Lebon Coin said...

Sodo de mon trou de Frédéric!

babble on said...

Dearest, sweet Snobbikins,

If you remove your mad spammer, I would podium. It's like Lance's TDF titles, except you can actually hand the award to a known dope.

RB1 said...

650lb , more likely

Robs Fords said...

Fuck all y`all.

RB1 said...

You know what, Stuart ?

babble on said...

What's the point of a test, anyway? Everyone knows you should just say yes to semen

Rollie said...

Say there laddy, didn't you know you can make ass-loads of money just by being on the internet and stuff? I was bored as usual and just happened to find this site whilst sitting around in my jam-jams. here it is WTF

Anonymous said...

Surprised the "make your own bike lane" isn't on Kickstarter seeking $85K to start their own company.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"my off-brand tablet"

-Subtle gold Wildcat, Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, so many of us want to meet you

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Nice, you don't need the fire escape mounted smoke emitting weather station FEMSEWS anymore. Certainly seems very easy to tell which way the wind is blowing outside your new digs now.

Rollie said...

PS don't eat anything that has the word "turd" in the name. Good policy.

Anonymous said...

What happened to America? "Draw backs?" Might as well say "back ground" or "some thing" you illiterate Nashbar mother fuckers.

Anonymous said...

Today, you can define me as "nonplussed."

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yeah Imma politely say no thanks and stick with the ole tried and true 26ers on my mtb.

I'm kind of retro-grouchy that way.

citigroup_plutonomy said...

I wants more 650b because it's newer and therefore better than all that has come before it. I'm going to get mine from Ritte van Stoneygarden because plutonomy demands I find an artisanal sticker company.

The only question remaining, will my SRM power meter work on it?

Don't wait! Don't get left behind! Buy a 650b!

Nice to hear you got out of turning tricks in Times Square and moved onto panhandling on the top of some building. Put the 17 kids to work and get an act going like the accordion players in the Paris Metro.

McFly said...

The Huh's have it.

Dear Lord did Spam podio?

Dafuq happened to the field?

Marcel Da Chump said...

650 b(itches).

Anonymous said...

More boobies and recumbents please.

ken e. said...

cue snoring monday sound... and the welcome back kotter theme!

Anonymous said...

Well today's blog started with a whale so I assume the robs fords issue to be addressed.

JB said...

Hey, that French Fred chariot is only like 1,000 pennies. Not bad, even with shipping.

Buffalo Bill said...

I think the horse would fit inside the cow, especially if it was a pony.

Buffalo Bill said...

Of course both the horse and the cow would fit inside the Robs Fords, actually I think they already did.

Too bad about that mayor thing, he really was fun for a while.

P. Bateman said...

Amber Leaf you better stay the fuck away from Snooberdeedoo. He's mine bitch and I WILL bury you in a crabon aero coffin designed by the Skunk Works division of the Cannondeath Coffin Company.

McFly said...

I read a review that said the CAT'S ASS 650B is far superior to the BEE'S KNEE'S 650B.

crosspalms said...

Nash bar. It's spondeelicious.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely lovelovelovelove my 650b bike!!! I used to suck on hills with my 700c bike. Made the switch, never looked back!!!! Wow!! Can't say enough about my kickass 650b!! I used to be stuck with no tire choices, but now I could ride any of a half-dozen tires!!!! I love how when I get a flat around the valve stem, and limp to the next town, no matter what the country I'm in, and totally FAIL to find a new tube!!! I just call G. Pete, and he ships me out some tubes right away!!

650b 4LIF

CommieCanuck said...

**tears of joy**

Rob Fords just got booted out of office for a conflict of interest, uh, conflict.
The dumbass sat in and voted on a council discussion about his own conflict of interest, raising money for his high school football team, where he apparently spends most of his time, and Toronto taxpayer money.
(coincidence, but two members of the Mayor's staff just happen to be his assistant coaches).

Sadly, three teens died attempting this photo op.

The average IQ of Southern Ontario got lifted three points. I could tie my own shoes this morning.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Kind of ironic/sad/funny that the At Home Drug Test Kit Marijuana had 66 glowing reviews and the Check Mate Semen Stain Test Kit had zero reviews or likes. Some kind of strange juxtaposition going on there.

CommieCanuck said...

"Too bad about that mayor thing, he really was fun for a while."

Oh, don't worry, its Toronto, they'll drum up some new asshole in a few weeks. Even money is on Olivia Chow, who is the anti-Fords, but sadly, not any brighter.

Anonymous said...

Head tube is too steep, chainstays too long, bb is too high on that nashbar bike. Otherwise, looks like a good bike.

Comment deleted said...

Am finding very interest reading this blog. How knows what is entertaining?

Eat at Amber's.

Anonymous said...

it cracks me up when you take a "break" from writing this blog. Although i thoroughly enjoy it, it can't take you more than an hour to put together. You need a break from that? Anyway, welcome back from your "break", slacker.

WTF said...

So much saying to start, really enjoy blog, thank you.

Anonymous said...

Whahorcopiturducken is ridiculous. Everyone knows you can't fit a cow inside a horse.

Cipo's Lawyer Saul Goodman said...

Filing a lawsuit for non support.

Tom said...

Did you hear!? Robs Fords Tackles Self Again:

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/1293190--mayor-rob-ford-guilty-kicked-from-office-but-can-run-again


Anonymous said...

I sized-up Recumbabe at about 650b.

She up-sized me immediately.

Judge Dredd said...

Amber is sentenced to 50 lashes by Cipo's tongue.

grog said...

Hiked High Line.
Fancy dinner.
No leftovers.
Fully winner.
650b (babe)

Anonymous said...

G A N G N A M S T Y L E

J-Bird said...

Robs Fords booted from office .... woo-hoo-hoo!!

All freds hail the Canadian justice system!

mikeweb said...

Funny story. A week ago today I was gingerly riding home from work since my chain ring had worn out to the point where the chain would skate and often fall off when I applied enough pedal force to get up to speed from a stop or ascend even the slightest of 'bumps'. I have since flipped it and it should be OK for another year or 2.

I stopped at the light right before the ramp up to the Manhattan bridge on the Manhattan side. Looking down, I noticed the top of a Pineapple sitting in the bike lane. Being a conscientious person, I picked it up while still sitting on my stopped bicycle (I'm limber like that). I tossed it into the shrubbery (or so I thought) on the concrete divider between the bike lanes and the auto lanes so that it wouldn't present a safety hazard if someone unknowingly rolled over it. Apparently, it must have rolled off the divider into the bike lane behind me.

Another rider behind me said something about "garbage" and I didn't hear most of his comment. I assumed that he saw me pick up the Pineapple top and try to discard it and commented on how much garbage winds up in the bike lanes.

So the light changes and I proceed and of course as I try to pedal hard up the short ramp to the bike lane on the bridge, my chain falls off again. As the guy behind goes around me I can clearly hear him say "There's Karma for 'ya". At this point it occurred to me that he thought that I discarded the top of the Pineapple in the lane or maybe even that I threw it at him(?) I find it amazing that he probably thought that I discarded a Pineapple top of all things, in the bike lane.

Anyway, I guess the point of my story is fuck you.

Anonymous said...

i believe that frederic is actually the MCP from Tron!

babble on said...

Anon@ 1:24 - Thank you for your wise and well thought-out input. consider this a kind invitation for you to produce a comparable blog in an hour or less. We welcome a link to that lovely endeavor in sixty minutes.

And counting.

Anonymous said...

and all these years I never thought to capitalize pineapple - seems like a good idea tho.

JB said...

Thanks you for todays blog. It is relevant to mine interests.

Love, Chinese crap for less

Anonymous said...

There's no windage and elevation on the Xfire. It's fecking useless for drivers. They might as well aim with their hood ornaments.

Anonymous said...

Is that a disembodied handrail?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Well I'll say it if no one else will. Bitchin elf shoes dude. Rock on Wildcat Rockmachine.

3G said...

Hoof arted?

Anonymous said...

Apparently I am the only one bothered by the blatant usage of the French Craigslist.

It only took them 10 years, a miracle considering the 35 hr workweek

Anonymous said...

I don't understand the video. Is this just the moment of and the afterwards? As far as I can see the cyclist wasn't even moving. Explain!

the commentariat said...

Mikeweb, this one time, at Band Camp...

Anonymous said...

So the bike salmon that for some reason stopped at the light in the wrong direction...

What size were his wheels?


balls™

Anonymous said...

Wanna know what's delicious?

Pandster! Panda stuffed with lobster.

All hail Lob, the Great Panda stuffer!

McFly said...

WHO CAN'T THROW A PINEAPPLE INTO THE WEEDS?!?!?

MIKE WEB SQUAREPANTS!!!

Anonymous said...

anon at 2:49 PM
The boarder moved to his left and into the path of the truck in the second frame. The video was edited really for the purpose of identifying the asshole salmoner, not to see some kid get killed.

Skiptooth Lotus Louse said...

My sock is threadbare too... Darn it!

Gives new meaning to the phrase, 'Hole shot'.

mikeweb said...

Snob, you forgot to mention the lethal salmoner is wearing a helment AND a 'hi-viz' vest.

This is obviously so that drivers who are also going the wrong way up USW don't run over him from behind as dusk comes early this time of year.

Safety first!

C. said...

So it's Manhattan after all?? Say what you want about "living in Queens = giving up on life," but when you mentioned access to bike paths AND trails, it's the first place people thought of.

And not only do we not have crowds of tourists, we don't have ANY tourists (unless they're lost). So suck on that, hater. Enjoy paying $20/day to ride a crowded elevator to your new home.

Brooklynites have lost all sense of what's a reasonable cost of living.

leroy said...

Mike --

I have two stories with the same point you made....

Last week, I was laboring leisurely up the Manhattan side of the Brooklyn Bridge when a hipster on a hybrid decided he needed the KOM points. He pulled around me and into the pedestrian lane, but couldn't bring himself to pull ahead. He even moved further into the pedestrian lane to narrowly avoid a runner racing downhill.

I kept calling to him to come over to our lane. Finally, at the top of the bridge, he moved over in front of me, hit his brakes to make me swerve and explained he didn't want to move over because I was following too closely.

My point that I shared with him was that commuting is different than racing. In commuting, you win by not hitting people. But I like your point better.

The other story is about the speedy commuter who needed to get through the light at Clinton and Pierrepont on his way to the Bridge this morning. He had the light, but had to yell "look out cocksucker" at a pedestrian he thought might be about to step in the lane. Of course, that's the intersection in front of St Ann's school and there was a school crossing guard there because the pre-schoolers were all heading to class.

Again, I think your point sums it up nicely, but good thing I didn't shout it from my bike while I waited for the light and the pre-schoolers.

Noah 'double douche'' Webster said...

Cipotosis (sip'oh'toe'sis) n. - a state of being where the merest inhalation of ones exhaled garlic/basil/oregano scented breath causes super models/podium princesses/hot euro-trash sluts to immediately rid themselves of their clothing while begging the exhaler to participate in a complimentary 'around the world' meaningless sexual bang-a-thon.

Anonymous said...

Ibis titanium stem--long as a cat's leg
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/13048073.html

Anonymous said...

Bees Knees? Obviously a rip-off of Dave Yates' Donkisnob.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Hehe, 3rd place on the podium in the poll, and still rolled in 80th - ish here. Booyah!!

AYHSMB

g-roc said...

Snob, you need to increase your self-importance quotient (SIQ). Start sending your links to a separate tab so you can keep your page open.

Oh, and a special shout out to Team Spam who not only made the podium but rounded out the top five. Nice job. Too bad there's probably traces of clenbuterol in Spam. Zero tolerance you cheating bastardos.

Anonymous said...

Like the Frederic start ramp, looks a little bumpy though.

Vegas said...

Baked turkey and smoked tri-tip but neither were stuffed into anything else, or each other. 80 degrees made for amazing mountainbikecycling. It's gonna be a toe-chilling 66 this weekend, though. Is that why our bus system sucks, because it never rains and forces us onto them?

Zod Help Us said...

Kneel, biotches.

bikesgonewild said...

...so, how's it goin', ehhh ???...

...fat ol' robba the ford gets dismissed from office (that's a positive) due to improprieties regarding fund raising for his high school football team & in other football news, the argos win the grey cup wherein the locals cheered a greatly diminished gordie lightfoot but booed an 'on top of his game' but out of place j-biebs at the halftime show...

...no pineapples were thrown but if it ya didn't know it already, ex-'guess who' crooner burton cummings' version of "oh canada" made it obvious he's lost in his own little world...

...prime minister stephen harper, who was either wearing a helment or those were his coifed tresses was in attendence with family...canukistans answer to the 'stepford wives'...jeezus - can you say 'bland' ???...

...ohhh & babble-on was responsible for knockimg at least 6 guys head over heels, off their bikes just 'cuz she pedalled around kits foodshopping...

...well, there ya have it...that's a canadian news weekend update & everything important that happened in 'the great white north' recently...

...beauty, ehhh ???...

Anonymous said...

I used to have a "special friend" that would work those last 2 or 3 drops out "toothpaste tube" style so girlfriend was none the wiser.

I will not say what she did with them......

Comment deleted said...

BGW, has the Canadian suicide rate skyrocketed due to the no-show of a certain major-league sport-tussling organization?

At the very least, has the preference for doggy-style dropped off a little this Fall?

Just askin'.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

" and the worst-case scenario is that someone throws you into his pickup truck and you wind up in a 'I'm a-gonna probe you before you probe me' situation."

That's a valid concern.

CommieCanuck said...

What, you ate your thanksgiving dinner? I thought the point of thanksgiving dinner was to take a photo, apply a sepia filter, and upload to Instagram.

...and Toronto won the Meh Cup, two good things in two days.

McFly said...

I am with RCT. I like my 26est. Mainly because in order to upgrade I would need new bike.
Is that semen test universal for panties?
IT'S A JOKE SHE DOESN'T WEAR ANY!!!

RayG said...

I see that time trial bike is even being advertised on the Frédéric domain (.fr)

bikesgonewild said...

...@ comment deleted...ohhh, there's plenty of hockey all over the place, including here in nor-cal, amigo & i'm one a' the guys got tickets to watch it...

...it just ain't the overpriced, "...i'm making a shit-ton of loonies & doubloons but i'm gonna whine for more..." kinda hockey...

...[by the way - that's both owners n' players at fault - we, the fans who pay cold, hard earned cash to support their habit don't get a say in what counts]...

...but ya, your point is taken...'cuz most 'junior' hockey isn't televised, it's my understanding there've been more arrests in canadian arenas where folks used to doing it doggy style at home in front of the tv during 'hockey night in canada' are throwing caution to the wind & doing it 'in situ' 'cuz that's how they're used to watching the game...

...not good at the rink, ehhh ???...please, hockey fans - think of the kids...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Snob hit on the subject when he was wowing us with his elf shoes. I'm 5'8" and ride small frames. On my road cycling bike my toes will hit once in a while. But its not a big deal in context of road biking where the wheel stays mostly straight. I'm not dealing with overlap when I'm slowly working tight technical single track on my mtb. Perhaps a frame design small enough for me and a tall fork could gain enough clearance but I doubt it. What I do know is 650 and 29 er wheels are heavier and that weight is on the outside rotating where it does the least good. Also the find a tube issue as was already mentioned. I think if you are a tall person around 6' the big wheels can make some sense but for rider of my stature the old 26" standard is fine.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Unless you're riding one of those high wheeler's then big is better.

Will I AM ShakeDouche' said...

"A douche' in the bag, is worth two in the bush."

Anonymous said...

Scrotanus is the seam of life
semen be the seed
Open up and share the wealth
All you haters suck my balls

Anonymous said...

This is the only time you will ever hear the words "Rob Ford is appealing."

vantage said...

RCT,
Is that the math you do as a mountain bicycle cycle owner to make yourself feel better about not spending a wad of money on something new for yourself ?
Go test ride a HT 29er on the same trail you usually ride, right after finishing the first loop on yer current mountain cycle bicycle.
You might be a bit surprised at the difference. You might even learn some new math.

McFly said...

Vantage,
I totally played out the scenario you just described and was floored by the betterness. I IMMEDIATLEY pulled out my lil Men In Black pen and red-lighted my ass back to 26 land.

What were we talking about?

ken e. said...

reality, math and reality.

McFly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ken e. said...

just sayin' test rode a new-fangled big wheel this past summer and it was just better. except buying a new big inner-tube did take a couple of bike store visits.

ken e. said...

what's on the cheezburger mcfly?

McFly said...

This, could not get the other to link. It's semen Monday, right? This is funny.

http://memebase.cheezburger.com/ragecomics

Dooth said...

The point of most NYC bike stories is painfully similar to mikeweb's, it pains me to say. Ouch!!! It just hits too close to home.

AdamDZ said...

When I come upon a salmon I force the dumb motherfucker to go out into the traffic. If he resists and hugs the curb I stop in front of him and cut him off. Then he/she either has to go around me into the traffic or get on the sidewalk. They're just like fish indeed: tiny brains, empty, shallow, dumb eyes, lips moving without making any sounds...

AdamDZ said...

Speaking of Rob Fords, they were apparently fired, all four of them simultaneously:

http://dc.streetsblog.org/2012/11/26/rob-fords-greatest-hits/

Anonymous said...

Hey Bike Snob. Robs Ford (the toronto mayor) is being forced to leave office.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Salmons are the stupidest fish on Lob's good earth.

McFly said...

Yo AdamDZ you are like the fierce grizzly bear perched on the rock in the middle of the raging river just waiting for them salmon to come at you, bro.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike Snob, A Fred played chicken with me on the 8 foot wide green belt with a dotted line. I think he was trying to impress his wilma, but apparently he's not aware that to do so is Salmoning. Oh. the online Bicycling Magazine has a great story on commuting.

Jed said...

Everyone...!! Please. Simmer. Down. 29, 26, 650. All is laid to waste by a fat tire bike. Cheating? Yes, you WILL need to order a semen stain kit after a brief test ride on a fat bike. Grab yourself a thick Pugsley or a Spicy Mukluk. Anyone who is fortunate to own one will testify right here on this fine blog. BTW, the testing kit is not for your semen, ya big dummy. It's for the semen spewed forth by all the haters as you float by on your dick magnet. If you don't know, now you know, bitches.

Anonymous said...

I thought Babble was the dick magnet.

Jed said...

I don't think Babble is real. This Babble claims to enjoy sex. The only women who enjoy sex are paid professionals and... Yeah, I guess that's it.

Anonymous said...

Why is the Gestapo investigating the skateboarder's death?

Why is the Gestapo in NYC anyway?

vantage said...

anon at 10:41 PM, RTFA

McFly, is that MIB pen with the red light thingy just a vague way of saying yer lovey dovey wife gave you the stinkeye when you axed for another toy ?

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Nate said...

Robs Fords was kicked out of office today and yet this is your first post back from Holiday?

gsc said...

Those laser light personal bike path things remind me of deck landing lights... just guiding the drunk drivers in to make a landing on my ass...

gsc said...

Those laser light personal bike path things remind me of deck landing lights... just guiding the drunk drivers in to make a landing on my ass...

g-roc said...

Shit, I didn't travel all the way from the west coast of Canuckistan (thx BGW) via the internets to NYC to listen to a bunch of crap about Canadian football, Hockey and Robba the Ford. I shoulda just saved the trip and reached for the remote. And incidentally, this is still the only place I've heard the Rob Fords got der Stiefel. Oh, and RCT, stop using Google to pretend you even have a clue aboot Canada anymore. They're toonies. Nobody's called them doubloons since, like 1996. Seriously, this is only a minor improvement over McBabs porn.

Whew, what a waste of time that was, all for the benefit of the 3 people who will read this before Tuesday's post.
.

Anonymous said...

The poll results are showing everything a perrsin needs to know about this ostensibly bike-themed blog, its readers and it's curator..erm...cur-bator.

babble on said...

g-roc -oh just admit it. You like porn.

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...babbles...your girl shirley gnome is definitely porn-ny...

...she got bookmarked & is getting a listen to...

...the songs are salty but the guitar playing is sweet...

...just sayin'...

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Vantage,
Yes. Yes she did. Unfortunately the lil Red MIB Memory Wipe Pen has lost it's power on her because I used it about 3,189 times for premature ejaculation earlier in the courtship.

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recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I always wanted to walk the beaches of south Florida with a metal detector and act like I was looking for Spanish doubloons.

Anonymous said...

Yah, Rob Ford(S) is court ordered to leave the post of mayor!

I bet he's raping young boys in that football crap he set up. Yuck! Get the fuck out of Canada F.O.D.

bikesgonewild said...

...recumbent conspiracy theorist...

...arghhh ya sayin' you'll be doin' it wearin' an eyepatch & a pirate's hat, me bucko ???...

...shiver me timbers, laddie boy, yer name does imply it, now don't it ???...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Aye! good idea bgw I can hide me telescopic lens under that eyepatch to help me peep the lassies.

Lassie said...

Timmy fell in the well....

bikesgonewild said...

..."...c'mere, ya little darlin'...i'll show ya my real wooden leg...now feel that damn thing, lassie...hard, ehhh ???..."...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Why is pirating addictive?

A. They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Thar be pirates about!

McFly said...

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting Pirate.

InterupAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!! AVAST YE MATIES!!! BATTON DOWN THE HATCHES YA SCURVY DAWGS!!!

Capt' Ahab said...

Aye, aye! It was that accursed white whale that razed me; made a poor pegging lubber of me for ever and a day!... I'll chase him round Good Hope, and round the Horn, and round the Norway Maelstrom, and round perdition's flames before I give him up. And this is what ye have shipped for, men! to chase that white whale on both sides of land, and over all sides of earth, till he spouts black blood and rolls fin out.

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