Monday, November 12, 2012

This Just In: A Short-Ish Absence

So the time has finally come.  I've threatened, and I've demurred.  I've insisted, and then I've backed down. I've thwarted, and I've been thwarted, and I've waffled and I've eaten waffles, and I've committed and reneged only to commit again, but at long last it's now official.

I'm moving to Portland.


Yeah, right.  I'd chew my own arms off in a month if I had to live in Portland.  I am actually moving though.

"So what the hell does that have to do with me?," you're probably wondering.  Well, my move affects you inasmuch as my myriad movular responsibilities will prohibit me from updating this blog until Monday, November 19th, at which point I will resume something like regular updates.  And before you start in about how it only takes one day to move, please bear in mind that 1) I'm not one of those stupid minimalists; and 2) I'm doing this entirely by cargo bike, so between now and next Monday I have to make roughly 150 round trips between my current home and my new one.  (Click here to see my cargo bike outfitted for a big move.)

"So where are you moving?," you probably aren't asking because you don't give a crap about my extra-blogular comings and goings, and rightly so.  Well, to answer you anyway, we're staying in New York City but we're leaving Brooklyn, which has treated me very well for many years but which has also become an increasingly expensive place to live, especially if you don't want to share a bedroom with your seventeen children.  Sure, I'm obviously ridiculously wealthy, but in Brooklyn all I can afford is a fabulously remodeled townhouse next-door to Martin Amis, whereas in my new part of town I can build a full-scale replica of Seattle's Space Needle from scratch, which is exactly what I did.  Who wants to live on street level listening to all that drunken spondee at all hours when instead you can tower 600 feet above the serfs in God's Rectal Thermometer?  Plus, my new locale will place me considerably closer to both paved and unpaved recreational bicycle cycling routes, and when it comes down to it isn't that what life is all about?

Best of all, you're all invited over for Thanksgiving dinner, and you can find directions here.

In any case, I'll refrain from burdening you with any further details regarding my change of venue at this time, though I will add that I will not be decorating my new home with Spinergy light fixtures, as seen via Twitter:


Here's the backstory:

People usually have a love-it-or-hate-it relationship with Spinergy Rev-X wheels, but when I saw a damaged specimen at a flea market, I figured I just had to buy it and think of something to do with it. Pages of design sketches later, the Xtralight ceiling lamp was conceived.

It's very misleading to refer to a Spinergy Rev-X as a "damaged specimen," since that implies there's such a thing as an intact one.  Heavy, ugly, and failure-prone, the Rev-X was essentially pre-damaged from the moment it left the factory, and why you'd actually want to sleep under one is beyond me.  Even more amazingly, this guy's wife sleeps under it too:

I wonder if he put those stupid stiffeners between the "spokes" to prevent it from shaking too much during coitus--though it's hard to imagine the bedroom's "Retro-Fred Chic" decor inspiring much lovemaking.  How do you even set the mood like that?  Turn on the red blinky light on the crabon seatpost you use as a bedside lamp?

Worst of all, he left off the "epic" Spinergy pie plate:


Now it's liable to fall off the ceiling and sever his knee, like that urban myth about Michele Bartoli.

Speaking of danger, as cyclocross continues to explode in popularity like a Spinergy explodes in..well, like a Spinergy just explodes, it would appear that a Cat 4 cyclocross start is rapidly becoming the most dangerous place it's possible to find yourself on a bicycle, as evidenced by this video that was forwarded to me by a reader:



(Freds rushing where the agile fear to tread.)

Getting the holeshot is nice and all, but it's what you do with it that counts, and if you're not confident that you can hold out for the win then you owe it to yourself and your fellow riders to squander it spectacularly.

Meanwhile, as amateurs keep crashing, pros keep apologizing, and now Bradley Wiggins is sorry that he gave a photographer "the finger" after he got hit by a car:



“I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and messages over the last 48 hours, and of course all the staff at the Royal Preston Hospital who looked after me so well,” Wiggins is quoted as saying on Team Sky’s website. “I would also like to apologize for the gesture that I made when I arrived home yesterday afternoon. I was tired, in a lot of pain, and just wanted to get inside, but I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I’m sorry for that."

As sponsors continue to withdraw from the sport I look forward to the day that European professional road racing will finally go the way of six-day races in Madison Square Garden, but in the meantime the least these riders could do is stop apologizing all the time.  The doping apologies are disingenuous enough, but the idea that Wiggins--who spews "cunts" and "birds" like some sort of gynecological aviary--had a momentary lapse that he now regrets is just absurd.  Moreover, his response was completely warranted.  Really, he shouldn't apologize at all, but if he really feels the need to express regret over something he should apologize for some of his past haircuts:


("Helment hair" would be an improvement.)

Yes, as cyclists become increasingly disenchanted with the professionals the Freds of Tomorrow will cease to emulate them, and instead will dress like tennis players and golfers--or at least that's what Giro seems to think, judging by their "New Road" line of clothing:


Here's what Bradley Wiggins would look like if he were a cycling shoe:


See?


Part of me wants to like the Giro New Road clothes for their understated functionality, and part of me wonders if this sort of attempt to sidestep Fredliness is in fact more Fredly than Fred-ness itself.  Either way, everybody knows that cycling clothing disguised as regular clothing was perfected years ago by Primal Wear with their Ritz Tuxedo jersey:

Why look like you're on your way to the driving range when you could look like you're riding to your gig as a saxophonist in a 1970s bar mitzvah band?

Lastly, Transportation Alternatives have released this video to teach New Yorkers how to behave at intersections:



Which includes an admonition against texting and walking:


However, the truth is that it's actually good technique to walk around with your phone directly in your face, since if I'd been doing that I'd never have smashed my nose into that gate last week.

If you're not going to walk around in a helment, holding your smartphone in front of your face is the next best thing.

See you again on Monday, November 19th,


--Wildcat Rock Machine


327 comments:

1 – 200 of 327   Newer›   Newest»
Frilly said...

PODIO?!?

Frilly said...

Quick! Where's my socks? Gotta represent!

xxoo
Frilly

Anonymous said...

pretty lame post

just kidding

Anonymous said...

Choadium

Paul Bowen said...

Top V!

RB1 said...

if you had two cargo bikes you could move twice as fast and post something on friday

McFly said...

Tuxedo Jersey. My Christmas wish has been answered.

James said...

Welcome to Flushing(?), but this will not be good for your muse to be so far from the Fixie Hatchery.

JB said...

Wut? No.

Chuggerington said...

Everyone in that film looks weird.

gynecological aviary said...

This bird has flown!

PACK O'FODDER said...

Top Ten, Way To Go, FRILLYYYYYYYY!

Anonymous said...

11ish?

cycle

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Movings a pain in the ass.

Everybody else uses this comment section for flagrant self-promotion so I may as well too.

This weekend I went mountain bicycle cycling it was fun.

So when you're board to tears waiting on wildcat to return come check out my fantastically awesome blog thing.

Have a nice move snob.

FRED NESS

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

Top 17, Ladies...

Rollie said...

It's funny cuz when you hear "spin orgy" it SOUNDS like it might be something good.

leroy said...

Thanksgiving in Queens?

Why sure.

They still have a revolving restaurant at the top of the New York State pavillion from the 1964 World's Fair, right?

But even if they don't, the Lemon Ice King of Corona is nearby and can't be beat.

Happy trails ....

Frilly said...

Lemon ice...the best after ride treat ever, especially on a really hot day.

Nice call Leroy.

JB said...

Congrats Frilly!

And who signed-off on this vacation? Put a trailer behind the flotilla and double your moving time. See you on Thursday. We start at 9.

Marcel Da Chump said...

No kidding!

leroy said...

Dim sum in Flushing.

Indian cuisine in Jackson Heights.

And lots and lots of buses with Daniella Levi ads.

Cue The Jeffersons theme song....

P. Bateman said...

how do they do it?! i'm in awe.

i'm most impressed by how perfectly timed the guy face planting off of what looks to be a pretty epic mound, and the film makers statement "what a specimen"

leroy said...

Frilly -- The Lemon Ice King of Corona is in my humble opinion the best Lemon Ice in NYC. Even a little better than the Court Street Bakery's lemon ice in Cobble Hill (and that's saying something).

Both have windows you can walk up to while you rest your bike nearby. On a hot day, it's heaven.

Of course, BSNYC could be moving to upper Manhattan near the only other mountain bike trails in NYC.

Jaques Strappe said...

Hey Snob,

Up here in de Trois Riveres Quebec ypur cargo bike, the Surly Big Dummy, is known as 'Le Gran Portagier ala Douche''

McFly said...

RCT,
I, too, have been getting more and more and more into the off-roading discipline of cycling. Yesterday was "Single-Track Sunday". It's a good sport for cool, windy days. My bud just offered me a hella deal on his Sette Razzo but alas it's Christmas and it's not about me.

JB said...

RCT, thanks for the chainline porn.

Tommy 'Future NYPD Officer' Douche' said...

Why can't we have the high speed internets like they have in Europe?

My porno video display is so jumpy jerky that I've had to wear a protective neck brace in order to prevent further spinal column injury. I mean really, how much abuse is one person supposed to endure for the homeland?

Tim Joe said...

Do your parents know you keep using that picture of them on their boat?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@McFly Yeah it's a pain gathering everything up and getting it to the trail but once I'm riding I'm wondering why the hell I don't do it more often.

Been thinking myself about upgrading to dual-sus. 15 years on the same hardtail is probably enough. I think I'm ready at this point to sacrifice some light weight for comfort.

Yo G Dawg said...

Anyone else notice in the TA video that the *Rest at Reds* segment has a bike salmoner when they all go on green?

Anonymous said...

GO CARL!!!!

erikbeng said...

GO KARL!!!!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thanks JB, I know it looks like it but I didn't line up that rear hub to catch the logo honest. Completely random shot and I noticed it later.

crosspalms said...

Get yourself a nice bike garage with an elevator in that space needle. Hope the move goes well.

Hey, way to go Frilly!

Anonymous said...

I hope your beautiful Jew nose is feeling better.

Why don't you go where fashion sits
puttin' on the Ritz

King Neptune said...

Houseboat on the Gowanus Canal with a ramp to off road bike on and off of. NICE!

McFly said...

I don't know how to say this so I just will. I love those shoes.

Jed said...

A full investigation is needed. I suspect you knew of this move before that bitch "sandy" showed up. Why werent we informed of this earlier? Parading around on a cargo bike? Smoke and helment mirrors. The truth needs to be told. This stinks like a urine soaked spondee in a u-haul rental.

Jed said...

A full investigation is needed. I suspect you knew of this move before that bitch "sandy" showed up. Why werent we informed of this earlier? Parading around on a cargo bike? Smoke and helment mirrors. The truth needs to be told. This stinks like a urine soaked spondee in a u-haul rental.

Anonymous said...

That cyclocross vid is so hilarious it's gotta be a con of some sort.

Anonymous said...

Seeing your pictures of wiggins left me wondering - didn't he play Hugh Grant's roommate in Notting Hill?

Anonymous said...

u know the fastest cunt in european cyclocross - it´s sannie cant, of course!

Mike in Dallas said...

WCRM, lift with your knees kid...

I am a hungry engine said...

I was excited to hear about you moving to Boulder, where smugness is king. The google maps link did not work, so I need more directions how to get to your house. Maybe I will just wander the streets on Thanksgiving screaming I am here Mr. Weiss. Making fun of Mr. Wiggins is just wrong, he seems to have been put in stasis in 1969.

Thanks for a jolly good holiday.

Zach v said...

Queens is the best (Queens rez here) but I'm curious where exactly you think we have bike paths. Unless you're moving to, like, Springfield Boulevard or some other godforsaken locale.

babble on said...

YAAAAAY!! Frilly came out to play! And on the podium, too... well done, Frilly, my girl!

Wait a minute... Frilly?? Where's the socks? Where's the super-cute knickers and the best little booty bump on the interwebs? Where's the avatar???!

Brace yourself, gentlemen. I think we may have an imposter in our midst.

Frilly said...

Anon 1:24--You are so right! Thank you! Totally Spike!

Martian Anus said...

I'm serving an eighteen spondee toikey this THX'giving!


Veggie Dude Cipo said...

Cranberry pineapple pomegranate mint/with a hint of garlic edible panties ...

babble on said...

um...snob?

Where's the notice? I know moving is not the same as retiring, but it really helps if I have a bit of time to prepare for Snob-and-the-peanut-gallery-free days. Specially if it amounts to more than just a weekend following five regular posts. That's challenging enough.

just sayin...

Frilly said...

Nah, Babs, its me f'real. Just trying to keep it classy. Y'know like a reverse good girls gone wild?

Just in case that Mayan calendar stuff is true.

I'm kidding. At least about the Mayan thing. Everybody breathe.

JB said...

Frilly, we're going to need some new rumpics (tm) to verify authenticity. But do keep it classy.

Anonymous said...

14h01

babble on said...

oh thank goodness... I was worried someone hijacked you...
sigh. what a relief!!

Oh dear. Oh no...

That means I'm doomed. Keeping it classy like that is waaaaaaaaaaaaay beyond me, and there's not enough time between now and the winter solstice to do a complete overhaul on my soul, either...

Guess it'll be me, along with the dopers and cheaters out there, filling all of the occupancies in hell.

Comment deleted said...

Best cyclocross commentary evar.

babble on said...

Heeeeeey, JB - that's a great idea.

babble on said...

CD - yeah, it was the best laugh.... oh Karl, you're so hot...

go Karl!

82medici said...

and for more 'cross fun, y'all come on down to Louisville for the Worlds in January. Same course, fewer dorky wrecks.

babble on said...

You see? Classy? Not a chance.

I can't help myself.

Comment deleted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Yeah Frilly, where is that elusive RumpBump? Why must you take such a fine toy and put it on the shelf to collect dust like so many Martin Anus novels? It should be caressed, loved, gently nibbled and then flipped up, smacked, rubbed down and finished of with a nice coat of baby oil. Johnson's, none of that equate shit.

Anonymous said...

you use Johnson's baby oil as chain lube?

Frilly said...

JB--lunch soon?

82medici--Thinking about it.

Anon 2:13--Wow. Ummm, thank you for your thoughtfulness. Although, yer scarin' me (& my rump) a little.

Anonymous said...

All I wanna say is: where do I sign up to become a NYC bike ambassador?

Dooth said...

Douglaston, Queens? How uncooly cool.

Anonymous said...

Just read the "Recumbent Conspiracy Theorist's" most recent post. Pretty interesting; some very pretty pictures [free tip on temp fix for egg-beater-style pedals]. Does not have the "oo la la" factor of babble on's blog, but then, who does?

Anonymous said...

snobby - really sorry that you have to move - although I'm sure in your new place you'll have plenty of space for your chickens.

McFly said...

I hope you don't get lost and wander for 40 years surviving on scraps of manna.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:06pm,

Yeah, see who you have to compete with for Brooklyn real estate?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Staten Island!!!!

bwhahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!


babble on said...

Ok, it's official. I'm a complete sap. That chicken story is kindov touching...

Sorry 'bout yer luck, Snob.

babble on said...

RCT - I loved it. Thanks for sharing your ride with us.

OBA said...

Welcome to Queens, The Borough Time Forgot.

grog said...

Happy Movement Snobbers!

Anonymous said...

Emo Philips won the TDF?

Vegas said...

CAT 4s, The Best of the Best! Unless of course you count 3s, 2s, & 1s. *facepalm*

McFly said...

RCT,
great pics. Is that Tilford?

Fnarf said...

On Halloween I cycled to work in a REAL tuxedo, the full boat -- opera pumps, cummerbund, hand-tied bow tie. Alas it was pouring rain so my splendor was hidden under raingear, so no pics. I was fabulous, though, bet on it.

Frilly said...

RCT--beautiful pics. A mountain bike is on my list to Santa. Hence, avoiding the "naughty" side of the ledger.

Thanks for the motivation.

bikesgonewild said...

...hey, gang - like jack torrance once said with a shining smile on his face - "...i'm back..."...

looking forward to a new week of delightful & inciteful bsnyc/rtms/wcrm posts & damn, i'm sure it'll be like slipping into an old comfortable pair a' sidi's...

...what ???...really ???...wow, you're not kidding, huh ???...i guess i should a' read the post first, huh ???...boy, is my face red...

...a whole week of 'commentus interuptus' & as usual, my timing is impecable...

Stoner Gamb'lin Power Drink'in Cipo said...

Have I ever mentioned the time that I was gifted a complimentary bj by a she dolphin in heat?

It was Las Vegas, although it might have been Sea World somewhere?

What!?

J. Dahmer II said...

I can't decide ...

Vietnamese or Chinese for THX'giving dinner?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Holy shit it's bgw! Welcome back old man!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thanks frills Yes mtb is a blast you must try it!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@McFly No if that was Tilford he would've just smelted and forged me a whole new pedal.

Anonymous said...

This makes his visit to Upperest Manhattan a few months ago (where he shot the corner of Seaman & Cumming) (heh, heh "shot") altogether more sinister.

the Hellion of Hiller highlands said...

Welcome Back BGW! You're sort of the Commentariat Emissary of Marin; you were badly missed. I'm in Oakland and even I missed you. I mean, just sayin'....

annonymoose said...

Snobby, that's gotta be the dumbest idea I ever heard of. A Space-Needle house? Pashaw! A bike rack house, now that's the ticket!

Blog Drafter said...

... & welcome back...

leroy said...

This afternoon, my dog turned to me and said "..."

Of course, that can only mean one thing.

Welcome back BGW!

bikesgonewild said...

...thanks, guys...i hadda self-censor myself 'cuz i was cheating on those friday 'fun' quizzzes...

...('fun' for who, dammit...the pressure to perform was eating me up)...

...three weeks in a row, i found myself looking over shoulders in wi-fi-ed coffee houses, bike shops & at cx races, pretty much anywhere somebody might have bsnyc on a device...

...i needed answers & i needed 'em fast 'cuz i didn't study & i wasn't properly prepared, but ultimately, well, mom taught me cheaters never prosper, ya ???...

...so after a lotta soul searching & introspective concern i hadda pull back from the edge, straighten up & fly right...

...i think i'm grounded but i gotta keep an eye on myself...

...just sayin'...

Blog Drafter said...

One of the cool things about the original Gawker site was their execution days (Fridays I think). I think Snob should do that so commentators would have to visit the Gulag for a while, then everyone would welcome them back, etc...

Of course, that would require extra work and I don't think Snob would be too keen on the idea. Plus, he's going to have a sore back soon.

g-roc said...

Seriously? This is bullshit. I'm finding another blog to read. I'm not reading about whatever crap you observe from your 600 foot perch, even if you do have a telescope. Sure, you may think you'll be able to fill in content with internet fodder, but YOU CAN'T GET INTERNET 600 FEET ABOVE THE GROUND. I checked. This blog is gonna be so lame. Fat Jesus on a bike, I'm outta here.

McFly said...

Hey Wildcat Migration Machine I wager you have not given one thought to your fire escape chain smoking barometer hoodie man and his prognostications of precipitation. How will you plan your day without the guidance of that Jim Cantone Clone? Of course being 650 feet in the air you will know the weather before most humans anyway. Smart.

McFly said...

BGW,
MOREITALICSORIMAFUCKINKILLYA

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike Snob, "Freds" won't go away. They love the thought that they are noticed in their wierd clothes and they believe they are doing something heroic; that they are secretely worshiped by their family, the public, the Gods. They simply cannot understand that it is not about speed and distance, but time on the bike. They don't want to understand that an afternoon ride in the park with their wife or kids is more important than meeting their neurotic needs. Oh, all the best in your new digs.

bikesgonewild said...

...you fucking perv, mcfly...italicize this...

...what up, bud ???
...

McFly said...

Mountain bikes, lewd comments, cyclocross, lewdER comments, really trying to clean up my act but Babble is such an enabler. Skinabler.

McFly said...

Did you miss the nipple? Or the staged masterbation extreme close up? Wait that may have not been staged.

bikesgonewild said...

...well now, babble on & i have been evolving an almost intellectual relationship, as they say on tv, "...on another network..."...

McFly said...

http://vimeo.com/48158576


She is pretty entertaining if you can get past the legs. I cannot. This is worth a look, we have a week.

Jed said...

An afternoon ride with the wife or kids? I'd rather be tortured by a syrian rebel with a rusty axe to grind. There has never been an enjoyable ride with the wife and kids in the history of manki nd

bikesgonewild said...

...i must admit, i was concerned about bsnyc/rtms/wcrm when i did a first quick perusal of that headline...

...i thought to myself - "...ohhh, snob's out w/ a medical condition but what's a 'short itch abscess'...that must be painful..."...

...just like lance, it never pays to go TOO fast...

babble on said...

Yep. I am a sex enabler, and I'm not even a tiny bit sorry.

McFly said...

Damn. Your. Oily. Hyde.

JB said...

McFly: that Cipo Vimeo is mesmerizing. Who, in their right mind, would climb that? Only someone on dope.

JB said...

CipoMan: Superhero of Bicycle Cycling

McFly said...

I almost fell ff the couch 4 times watching it. I paused it, donned my Lazer O2, then hit play again.

Frilly said...

BGW!!!!! My sweetie, my cheri! Oh have I missed you!

xxoooxxoo!
Frilly

bikesgonewild said...

...see that, mcfly ???...i have an evolving intellectual relationship w/ a number of cyclechicks...

Anonymous said...

I've been thinking for a while now that cycling clothes that you could, say, wear at the mall and only look mildly dorky, would do really well.

There's very few people who actually look good in spandex, and for full cycling to fully compete as a transportation method you need to be able to do 5 miles without needing to pack a change or clothes or being the smelly guy at the office.

babble on said...

Dearest Snobby-poo,

As you float smugly along the cargo lanes during your moveular motions on your way to God's 600 ft rectal tower - in Queens was it? very nice - please do keep in mind that you have altered the course of humanity. Not everyone understands the value of close proximity to recreational bike-cycling routes, but the hero in you works so tirelessly to change all that...

History will thank you.

And one more thing. When you're living in your castle in the sky, please remember the serfs before you spit out the window. The serfs will thank you, too.

leroy said...

Not so fast BGW.

I'm not buying this "chicks-like-guys-with-whom-they-can-have-intellectual-relationships" thing.

Last time I took advice in this area, a certain canine convinced me to post his bail because dogs were "chick magnets."

He didn't tell me he's the one who would get all the attention.

McFly said...

When it gets really wet Steve Tilford has trouble mustering up any "spunk". I feel your pain, bro. Dirt road time.

WAAIIIIIIIT a damn minute. BSNYC/WCRM/RTMS falls off the grid and BGW just coincidentally shows back up? A little tooooo convienent for happenstance. Is BGW his West Coast Altered-Ego with Euro-Flair? Too weird.

wishiwasmerckx said...

So, I spent last weekend in NYC helping the Snob move. It took hours just to crate up all the monkey chow. All 17 kids socks got tangled up together. You never saw such a mess.

I saw every cycling cliche ever written about on this blog. Bike salmon. Beautiful godzillas on bakefeits and Civelas. Got buzzed by cyclists TWICE. One guy just bombed the red light and snaked through the throng in the crosswalk at full speed. The other was on the Brooklyn Bridge. I was on the pedestrian side, but the bike path side was knee-deep in snow, so rather that brake, he sort of caromed off the crowd.

Even saw a BMX tandem - a new one for me.

Also saw an awful trend of guys in spandex knickers. For someone who spends a lot of time in spandex, I am not sure why this upset me so, but trust me, it is not a good look.

I heard this sniffing sound behind me, and turned around to find a dog at my hiney. I,m pretty sure it was Leroy's dog. He denied it, but c'mon, how many talking dogs are there in NYC?

Anonymous said...

You should that gaggle of Cat 4's to help you move your stuff. Maybe just put the fragile's on the Smugness Flotilla and let them handle the kids and the monkey and the cuticle kit, oh wait...you don't have a cuticle kit.

Anonymous said...

*get* that gaggle....

Marcel Da Chump said...

bgw! Commenter Emeritus.

J said...

Not sure if the cx vid commentator is being serious; but it's quite a showing. Snob, you coming to queens, flushing/cunningham park adjacent perhaps?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Actually, Snob is just being modest. With his blog earnings, he has purchased and restored the Astor mansion on Park Avenue.

Anonymous said...

Jed 10:24 PM, Look around you. Couples, families, men or women with kids are riding together all the time. No spandex: no carbon fiber; no rush. Check out videos of Amsterdam or Copenhagen cyclists; no drop bars, no shaved legs, no helmets. My wife and I ride together all the time. We took a bicycle tour of Paris a year ago; cruiser bikes, three speeds, bagets. I couldn't imagine cycling any other way. You ought to try it some time. It might require some heavy doses of valium, but you could learn to like it.

babble on said...

BGW - I dunno... I read somewhere that women who evolve intellectual relationships with men actually have ulterior, sexually gratifying motives.

just sayin'... :)

Anonymous said...

You lost me at read.

McFly said...

I would not have to learn to like Valium. Babygirl and I are riding to the local Trout Pond Trail after work today to put a lil ramp on a bridge with an abrupt ledge. I, for one, am looking forward to it. I hope she is. She does not know yet.

ESP Cipo said...

I see a moist juicy pussy attached to an awesome podium princess in my immediate future!

Vito said...

I did not sign on for this moving shit. I do 2 things: Edit for grammatical errors and fling poop, not necessarily in that order.

crosspalms said...

bgw!
Glad you can put the election campaign behind you and return to the important things here. Four more years...

Babble, would you pass that advice to Bret and ask him to go back in time and tell Petraeus? He needs to know.

Anonymous said...

I want Bradley Wiggins' finger up both my cunt & backdoor. Make it a peace sign would ya please! He looks like a stud with that haircut don't diss the misty eyed stud rod.

crosspalms said...

Who let Cipo sneak onto Snob's new driveway to make that video? Private property, yo.

leroy said...

WIWM -- if that was my dog, make sure you still have your wallet. That whole sniffing thing is just to distract you.



leroy said...

If a minimalist moves, how would you know?

Frilly said...

Cipo, stay away from my cat! Go buy yourself a turkey already.

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb said he was riding to work & he passed a guy loading up a 'long haul trucker' & the guy was singing at the top of his lungs...

..."...Well we're movin on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up,
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie..."
...

...hmmm, i wonder...

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy...there's something to be said about your dogs approach to the "gentler" sex...

..."...hey, baby, lemme sniff yer butt...niiice !!!...now, i'm gonna chase you inna circle 3 times & let you nip at me to pretend you don't like the attention & then i'm gonna mount you..."...

...not exactly subtle but damned if it doesn't work for him time & time again, ya ???...

Anonymous said...

How will you ever figure out the weather without the fire escape smoker?

Dooth said...

I can't wait to start spreading peace.

bikesgonewild said...

...babble on...i've always felt an intelligent woman is a creative woman, whether that creativity be of an artistic or logical bent & whilst an intelligent man is still led by his baser instincts, with a modicum of patience AND creativity on his part, well let's just say those "...ulterior, sexually gratifying motives..." can be even better 'addressed'...

...it's kinda like paying for a good hooker...

...while that may not sound romantic, once ya get a little business out of the way, if done in a creative manner wherein a woman & a man have a sense of direction together, a delightful entanglement can be had...

...just, ummm, you know, speculating...

babble on said...

Leroy. Thank you for the warning. He's so clever, that dog. And devious.

But we're still friends.

I can't help myself. He's a little bit addictive, you see. That definitely tickled more than just my funny bone.

And YOU...

If a minimalist moves, does it really matter?

g-roc said...

leroy, not sure about one minimalist, but rumor has it a Big Dummy can move the contents of 57 minimalists homes in one go. The resultant smugness void would likely trigger another hurricane.

babble on said...

BGW - The Jeffersons... Ha! :D

and Leroy's dog? -exactly. It works wonders for him....

Re: creativity and intelligence- that's deep. I like it.

Hang on a sec while I grab my soapbox...

We are all sexual beings. Even a foetus in utero fondles itself. As sexual beings, our sexual health is an important aspect of maintaining a youthful, vital disposition, though the experience of laughter and love are more important still.

Healthy brain chemistry is key to the lengthening our telemeres, which in turn turns off our ageing and disease producing cellular mechanisms.

Too many people - whole cultures, in fact - have tabooed a healthy sexual attitude out of the equation, and it is shortening people's lifespans.

In some traditions, creativity and sexual energy are intimately entwined, expressed together as one in the kundalini, ki, or chi.

I think our BASE instincts might be the BASIS of good health.

Therefore:

well, you can draw your own conclusions. Maybe women overcompensate for sexual repression with artistic or logical creativity and maybe some men waste too much of their artistic or logical creativity in the expenditure of sexual energy.

Anything is possible, after all, and speculation is a good thing.

Frilly said...

Babs, not sure I understand or am familiar with some of those philosophies, however I will say if I ever get the chance to get up close 'n personal w/Cipo, its on like donkey kong.

Ahem, back to being classy.

g-roc said...

Just realized: A caution to anyone attempting to move 57 minimalists - you will be closely monitored by a team of attorneys, ready to shut you down should you get the inspiration to open a discount Apple store.

McFly said...

Man this blogular used to be about bikes and stuff. Which was cool. Then it was about sex, mostly masterbation, but still auto-sex. Which was even cooler. But now it's about moving! UNACCEPTABLE. I agree, as shallow as I am I have to connect with a woman's head before I can connect with the rest of her body. It's called a BJ! Deep down where it counts I am very superficial.

Nadrich & Cohen said...

That's a cool light!

babble on said...

Frilly... dearest sweet cheeks?

Perfect.

On like Donkey Kong is all that matters.

Anonymous said...

Frilly,
You told Cipo to stay away from your cat then you said if you got close to him you would do something to his donkey dong. Make your mind up. Oh that's right your a woman.

babble on said...

Mcfly...?

That's only deep under certain circumstances.

I think this blogular movement counts towards bikes and stuff cause he's talking about moving by cargo bike...ish.

McFly said...

It's always deep. It's basic physics. A good deep. I'm not a barbarian, ya know?

Mountaineer-Bikecycled 10-11 miles after work today. It's always comforting to go with someone that's really, really strong and good at it when you suck like I do. I still had fun.

Had a leaf stuck to my front tire that was driving me bonkers but was still trying to keep up so I reached down to do the wiper thing.......it was deer shit. FRESH deer shit. Awesome.

SHIT MINE

KABL AMMO

NEWG LOVE

Frilly said...

Okay, McFly, this oughta make ya happy:

Anon 7:18--My feelings regarding Cipo are similar to my desire to go mtb'ing. I know its going to be a good time, a little sweaty, dangerous, I could get hurt and should probably stick to the known and safe, but reason be damned, I'm drawn to it/him.

Frilly said...

That said, if at any time any excrement should make contact, The End.

McFly said...

You forgot to mention that if you are doing it right you will need a water bottle and there may be some slobber on your chin. Excerement lolz.....you said doody fancy.

I'm happy.

Anonymous said...

Why doesn't he just wear a Camelback like the rest of us?

Dooth said...

I've been lucky with hookers...duh!...I mean I had a few who were good sports. There was the one who partied with me and a couple of buddies; we talked and listened to records and did coke, smoked weed. When the mood was right, one by one she took us into the bedroom to play donkey kong.

McFly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Don't bother with Portland, we have no shortage of bloggers. Have you considered Scapoose? Within easy commuting distance and they have an annual sauerkraut festival you would find quite charming.
And theres a bike lane the entire 20 miles between Scapoose and Portland...

Cipo said...

I'm writing my autobiography and I need a little wordsmith technical assist please ...

Is the plural of podium slut podia sluts?

McFly said...

Did anyone happen to catch the opening video on Tosh.O last night? The "Out West Somwhere Extreme Rocky Downhill to Massive Gap Jump"? It's the antithesis of the Cipo video.

P. Bateman said...

Babble,

i don't feel particularly sexually repressed - in fact, i bang most anything that moves, but I can't draw or paint for shit.

So not sure my sexual chi is having any effect on my creativity.

by the way, i hate these hiatuses/hiati that Snobberoo takes. What am i supposed to read at lunch? just been youboobing triathlon wrecks - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ITrkEN6OQc

Anonymous said...

Babble On really likes to get her creative juices flowing. Then drench that lucky bastards goatee with them.

JB said...

Master P. Bateman: did you read to the end of Babble's 5:59pm comment?

...maybe some men waste too much of their artistic or logical creativity in the expenditure of sexual energy.

Anonymous said...

CamelBacks are Ok, but sometimes my nozzle dangles in her face and she will be trying to suck on it.

Comment deleted said...

JB, you're making the same mistake I made. P. Bateman is most decidedly not a master (although she may have mastered many things).

wishiwasmerckx said...

Whilst in Soho, I stopped in Supreme, one of those "too cool for school" stores. There are only 2, and the other is in Tokyo.

Among the "Oswald for District Attorney - Let's give him a shot" skateboard decks was a $72.00 framing hammer in company colors.

Curious, indeed.


JB said...

wiwm, $10 says there isn't actually one in Tokyo.

ken e. said...

that's gonna be my kickstarter campaign, tokyo shopping junket!!!

SHIN JUKU
UDON PRTY

Freehealin' Roadski said...

Babble, what the hell is a telemere? Is that like a telemark ski with the bindings mounted backwards? Like I need another challenge...

Free The Heel!

g-roc said...

Just remembered I haven't caught up with the backblog. Okay, where was I?
... BSNYC November 14,2007 ...
Later bitches.

mikeweb said...

(panting)

So!... What'd I miss?

Sex: check
Dog sex: check
Portland: check

... check

Wait - What!!

Welcome back, bgw!

So, I was thinking about the sex = long life hypothesis that babble has proposed. Now I'm trying to figure out if this means that I'll live 100 years or 120 years. Of course, spreading 'longevity' to others isn't too bad of a life goal, in my estimation.

Dooth said...

There's still some climbing to do
to get to the finish-ish.

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb...thanks, bud...

...as you've seen, i 'dropped' your name but i believe it landed safely on all fours...

...& yes, if (as if) we weren't already thinking about sex & pretty much constantly, babble on gave us grist for the mill or fuel for the fire, as it were & ummm, ummm, well, i should best stop whilst ahead but as always here on bsnyc, 'the song remains the same' & a fine song it is...

McFly said...

GUESS WHO'S GOING TO THE WORLD CX CHAMPIONSHIPS IN LOUISVILLE? yeah beeches, AYHSMGAFBD

All You Haters Suck My General Admission For Both Days

Anonymous said...

Yes! Bikes, bikes, bikes, bikes...bike bikes!

Cipo said...

It is not easy being me. I was just told that I can't ever serve on jury duty because any jury that I am a member of would be considered a hung jury.

Life can be cruel.

McFly said...

Guess who just got free tickets to the Tennessee-Vandy game Saurday? Man I am on a roll here. GO FOOTBALL JOCKS!

Anonymous said...

McFly, you lucky bastard. That should be a good game.

Austin Wedding Photography said...

I hope you would really have a great time in Portland my friend. Good luck to your journey.

McFly said...

AWP,
The ol' mixed tense statement. That's a classic.

Yeah my stepdad called and said he had 4 his bosses bosses bosses bosses servant could not use so me and the boy and my nephew said "We're In". I have never been to a college game. There is a local kid here that plays for Vandy. Andrew Jelks. 6'6" 280. Not really a climber.

bikesgonewild said...

...'awp'...hmmm, what 'cha think, mcfly ???...maybe lance's new job ???...

...guy's gotta have some free time on his hands these days...

babble on said...

K. So I own a bit of seasonal alcoholism. June, July and August I have a drink most days, but oh hey, that's life, right?

December isn't anywhere near and I've been drunk two days this week. It's only Wednesday.

This probably isn't good.

We had a team-building day on Grouse Mountain today. I took a day off of my week off work to go to work to hang out on the mountain ziplining and drinking and laughing a lot.

I love my life.

What was the question?

Oh yeah...

Telemeres are a bit of genetic coding at the end of your dna sequence. A shortening of the telemeres is associated with ageing.

Telomerase is the all important enzyme, and like the rest of the good stuff (like serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin) its secretion depends upon how you use your body, how you nourish your body, and even your state of mind. Your biochemical whole.

Telomerase lengthens your telemeres, and when you are living well, the body secretes it easily and well. It is a piece of the puzzle...

babble on said...

Oops. I meant July, August and December. BBQ season and Festivus, but it's irrelevant, since it appears to have caught on.

McFly said...

No way, it's a local Texas Pornography company. It's a typo and the place is really called Austin Wetting Photography.

Babble got slammered last night. But amazingly had virtually no grammatical errors. I bet she is good with her hands.

SHKE WAIT

GOOD FORM

JAKM EOFF

McFly said...

OK I checked it out. It's DEFINATELY porn. A new genre that simulates the wedding night for girls that want to feel loved and guys that are not ready to tie the knot.

The slide show has Snow White passed out under a tree ready to be violated(sooo hot). I think 7 midgets went in and split the bill on that lil' episode. It says you have to bring your own rohypnol.

DATE RAPE

ICAL 8THS

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I lengthend my telemeres this morning.

Anonymous said...

Diver sets record for holding his breath. Stig Severinsen, a champion freediver and breathing expert, inhaled pure oxygen before he began.


I am a farting expert. Well maybe not. I shit myself week before last.

JB said...

woo boy

Cipo's Agent said...

Anom 10:35: Cipo can hold his breath way longer.

Anonymous said...

That Rip Torn mug shot is making me want to get drunk.

Freehealin' Roadski said...

Thanks for the explanation on telemeres, Babble. My skis (and bindings) thank you too. Telomerase? Didn't he almost beat Fausto Coppi in the Giro way back when?

Damn, this rum is tasty!

Freehealin' Roadski said...

Where the hell is Blog Drafter to do the leadout for WIWM to get to 200 comments?

bikesgonewild said...

...a good 'sierra nevada porter' (just one - i'm a lightweight these days), a few hours of some seriously great rock n' roll fusion performed by some excellent players (who happen to be friends), some movin' & groovin' by moi & i do believe my telemeres just got lovingly lengthened last night...

McFly said...

If you guys are evarrr in Paris you need to let me take for a few laps on the Trout Pond Rape Trail. It's 1 mile and 2 sketchy bridges of fun. It's got one tough climb, Used Propyhlactic Hill, where traction is tempestous at best.

McFly said...

Plus it's got Concrete Beer Drinking Slabs w/Wire Receptacles stationed throughout the lap. Come to think of it that may be for the frisbee golfers.

Fat Bastards. I'm like damn, the ONLY sport your involved in still has an aparatus shaped like a fucking plate.

Anonymous said...

Hashish-ish.

bikesgonewild said...

...so, babble on...how's the head today ???...

...did you zipline back into reality or was it the slow groggy schlogg in the morn ???...

...a ride always helps clear the head but as i recall, back when i imbibed (at least enough to make a difference), i always thought "...good to be out here but, jeez, other than cleansing the synapses, i'm just kinda wasting what could be a good ride"...

...just sayin'...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Oh, well, if you insist...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...I suppose I could stretch this out...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...enough to make it to 200 comments...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...although the effort will be taxing...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...it will be worth it in the end...

200th!

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