Thursday, November 29, 2012

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (Now With More Folding Bikes)

First of all, I want to thank all the people who commented and emailed with their folding bike suggestions yesterday--except for the person who told me to go fuck myself, which frankly seemed unwarranted.  Also, somebody else commented that I have a lot of bikes already, which, like, none of your business.  I also have a lot of wine bottles in my bathtub, but none of those fold either.  So what's your point?  Just because I have so much bottled wine I'm not allowed to buy a wine skin so I can fold it up and hide it in my pants at the movies?

I DON'T have to EXPLAIN myself to YOU.  [Stomps foot on each capitalized word and pouts, then slams door to bedroom and cranks up the Fallout Boy.]

Anyway, clearly I have lots to consider.  For example, some people suggested the Swift Folder:


On the plus side, they seem to be slightly less clownish than other folding bikes.  On the negative side, they don't seem to fold down that small--and I want it to fold down small so I can take it into the bathroom of my yacht with me.  Also, judging from the guy in the photo, it's a total hipster bike.  I mean seriously, what a total hipster.

Then there's the Bike Friday:



On the plus side, you can do folding bike dorklocross like the guy in the video.  On the negative side, you might have nightmares about noted Bike Friday enthusiast Phil Liggett:


Also, at least one commenter pointed out that Bike Fridays are made in the USA.  I know that's supposed to be a good thing, but what do I care?  In fact, I'm rooting for the death of American manufacturing because the sooner this country collapses due to a lack of factory jobs then the sooner some foreign power will come in and take us over, which quite frankly may be our only hope.  That way, at least there's a chance that whoever takes us over will be bike-friendly.  Does China like bikes?

Speaking of China, I think Dahons may be made there, and that's another folding bike purveyor I should consider:


On the plus side, they're pretty reasonably priced.  One the negative side, "Mu P8" sounds like "mupate," which sounds like something you'd do after you micturate.

Then of course there's the Brompton:


(Never let someone who rides a bike like this crash on your floor for just "a night or two at most" unless you want a permanent roommate who doesn't pay rent.)

On the plus side, they're British, and there's no culture in the world that is better at making things that fold up quickly.  Just consider that the British Empire went from this:


Down to this:


In like 20 years, which is the geopolitical equivalent of a bike that folds from this:


To this:



In a single millisecond.

Given this, it's a testament to British refinement and tact that all they did was make the Brompton.

That's not to say I've necessarily decided on the Brompton though, since I'd have to buy a lot more tweed, and honestly I don't think I could handle wearing the underpants.

Anyway, clearly I have a lot to think about, and the process is so daunting that I'm tempted to just say, "Fuck it, I'm buying a Hyundai"--which, it turns out, is just what they're hoping we'll do:
By the way, I'm still loving this Twitter embedding thing.  It's so easy!  See?
That's over three years now, which has to be some kind of record.

So, right, this Hyundai:


This car calls for a joke as stale and dated as the trend on which it is trying to capitalize, and so I'll say that Bianchi called and they want their "colorway" back.  As the Tweeterer rightly points out, Hyundai are clearly at least five years behind the cycling trend curve, which means that we can expect them to launch a car that looks like a cyclocross bike sometime around 2018.  By the way, this is a stupid way to carry a bike:


What's the point of taking up the trunk space and reducing your ability to parallel park while still letting the bike hang out there like a fixed-gear hemorrhoid?  Put on your big boy pants and put the fucking bike on the roof already.  Sure, it burns a little more gas, but if you're afraid to burn some gas then you shouldn't be driving.  Or you could just ride the stupid thing, but I can't really blame somebody for not wanting too.

And here's how Hyundai explained themselves to USA Today (the "fixie" of newspapers):

Hyundai says its idea came from fixed-gear bikes, the "fixies" that have taken over urban corridors around the country. Originally ridden by bike messengers, they went mainstream for riders who wanted ultra low weight. Unlike the bikes, the car has brakes.

"We were inspired by the proverb 'A rolling stone gathers no moss,'" said Chris Chapman, Hyundai's chief designer in the U.S. The concept car "offers the 'no strings attached' freedom of a roll top convertible."

Yes, nothing says "no strings attached freedom" like a lease, an insurance policy, and a dependence on fossil fuels.  And if you want real car/bike "collabo" street cred, you're much better off with a Jetta Trek:



Something tells me the Veloster is going to be even less "classic" than that Jetta in 15 years.

Speaking of cycling subcultures ripe for mainstream appropriation, this weekend Los Angeles will host the Single Speed Cyclocross World Championships, which zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz:



Sorry, I nodded off there for a moment because I'm like so over everything.  This because I was once a delusional bike racer, then I became a jaded irreverent bike racer, and now I'm just a crotchety loner with hairy legs and a general disdain for everything.  At least I can take solace in the fact that while everyone's hopping on and off bikes that don't shift I'll be on the Internet shopping for folding bikes.  So suck on that.

Mabye if you're lucky those Rapha sandbaggers will show up again and leave before the tattoos are handed out:



Lastly, I saw on the Streetsblog how where a lawyer got arrested for knocking down a cyclist:


I wonder if he handed her a bill afterwards.

242 comments:

1 – 200 of 242   Newer›   Newest»
Rollie said...

Awwwwwm sheeeeitt! Total accident.

theEel said...

WEED!!!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I am a robot.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Ah the Eel!

Anonymous said...

I should have doped.

McFly said...

Goodbye Norma Jean

TheCuttingBlade said...

I scrolled to the end

martin erzinger said...

lawyers hating bicyclists who would believe it?

Rollie said...

Dahon's a Korean company. Oppan gangnam style.

3G said...

Bookmobile!

Anonymous said...

Here!

cycle

mikeweb said...

Didi!!

rural 14 said...

1st rural 14!

Hungry Panda said...

SSaw the hate yesterday also, the problem is this:

All folding bikes suck, they just dont do anything very well.
They are not fun to ride, and they dont really fold into a size that makes them more portageable than a standard bike.

Snobby, you are a pretty crabby guy, this is explained by your wine bottle collection in your bathtub, everybody knows that you should store them in your bed like everybody else.

Therefore, I recommend that you pursue other activities other than folding bikes, which will only cause you to contemplate cutting as a spare time.

We are only doing this because our lives would even be more empty without you at lunch time.

How about some of your other past times, ducks, flower boxes, hipsters, pro bike drug addicts, anything other than the horrible soul crushing folding bike.

Anonymous said...

Birdy folder. If only for the crazy-ass fork.

babble on said...

I feel so invisible... no mention of the Strida today... and I was pretty vocal about it, too...

And what of the dancing-circus-bear suit?

rural 14 said...

Gosh! and I read it even.

Getcher self the lightest folder there is...it makes a huge difference if there are any hills. Though I suppose in NYC there really arent any, so just get whatever you'd like then.

On hills, the heavier folders bog way down...low momentum on the wheels, whatever...this is my experience anyway. On the flats, they're like BMX bikes...you know something about them I've heard.

leroy said...

A lawyer knocking down a cyclist in Central Park?

My dog says the lawyer was probably just looking for a client to sue the city for poor street design. He says that's called "business development."

Now if it had been a dentist knocking over a cyclist in the park, that's called a criterium.

I told him if it was a dog causing a crash in the park, that's called Tuesday morning.

I can't repeat his response.

Yarpo said...

Fack Podder. Pack Fodder. One of those...what does this do for my Commentariat Pro Tour Points? Will my contract with my imaginary team be dropped for next year? See, the domestiques always get FUCKED!

sigh.....

rural 14 said...

and I'm going to disagree with my colleague, the Hangry Panda. A Brompton or Tikit that folds intelligently and is meant to fold and unfold multiple times every day...that's the way to go in urban areas.

Go kart + portability. Just get the Brompton. Mmm...accessories, ie bags. And get one with a Dynohub.

Anonymous said...

The fuck is a "white-shoe" law firm.

Also, Fuck Rapha. So tired of the fashion bullshit infiltration. Go ride your fucking bikes and leave the $200 jerseys at home, dorks.

babble on said...

sigh...melancholy doesn't suit me.
No worries, though. Nothing a long ride in the pouring rain won't wash away...

I will console myself with the thought that the lack of a Strida in today's post bodes well for a future Strida in Snobbers' garage. (He probably has one of those now, they come with most homes in Suburgatory.)

Fuck Rapha said...

Pretty boy Rapha dorks.

Rollie said...

I have a Dahon. It's not built for comfort and it's not built for speed. Mainly: it's a bike, and it folds. Works for me. On a crowded train I can even sit *on* it while it's folded, since the seatpost is like 30" long. (Long enough to keep my Johnson from dragging on the floor.)

fuck rapha said...

@ Rollie

i says we cut off your johnson

fuck rapha seriously said...

@ Rollie

ITS A MOVIE REFERENCE

Yarpo said...

I thought a, "Foldy" referred to the female bits on a female. The bike thing has me confused, although I'm clear about the bear suit and think that you shouldn't mess with the obvious success of your chicken suit. Forget the bear suit.

Oh yeah, congrats to Rollie!

McFly said...

That Bike Friday Dismount-Demo-Fold-Unfold-Remount-with-no-Cussing was pretty damned impressive. He is probably some ex-pro foldie with an extensive background in Oragami.

It takes me longer to unclip (from clipless pedals ironically) and find something unabrasive to lean my Cannondale up against so as not to marr the exquisite surface finish.

Hungry Panda said...

I am going to disagree with my colleague rural 14. No Brompton or Tikit folds intelligently. You will get blood blister all over your body if you try to fold either one multiple times a day especially in urban areas.

What is the last thing the english designed properly except the dyson vacuum cleaner. Their claim to fame is that it does not lose suction, and everybody knows what that means it is used for.

Even the Mini Cooper is now designed by Germans, just try to find a folding bike designed by germans. They know it is an impossible and worthless task.

Bod said...

Don't forget a Moulton! Although it doesn't fold, it splits in to two bits. It's a very smooth ride, ride it to believe it.
Okay, the top of the range ones are "pricey" but the TSR isn't too expensive.

mikeweb said...

Rollie unmasked.

Congrats on the podium.

Bod said...

Don't forget a Moulton! Although it doesn't fold, it splits in to two bits. It's a very smooth ride, ride it to believe it.
Okay, the top of the range ones are "pricey" but the TSR isn't too expensive.

Anonymous said...

@ 1234

White show lawfimrs cater to those euro pros sporting white shoes

BIKE LANE

Anonymous said...


Bear suits are dangerous. If you wore one out west, you'ld probably get shot.

If you climb a tree and refuse to come down, they'll only shoot you with a tranquilizer dart, which is probably not too bad unless you hit power lines when you fall out the tree.

I don't know about the hangover, though. I suspect there'd be a sore spot where the dart hits.

Rollie said...

3) Carrying the bike that way is a great way to coat the back end of the bike with "road mist" (which is water plus road filth). Or should you be so unwise as to ride the bike, it will accumulate filth of its own, which the rain will then wash down, along with chain lube etc., onto your wide-open and now soaking-wet filthy interior. Finally, should you ever park it like that, it puts both the car and the bike well within easy access by thieves, vandals, or anyone just looking for a place to piss.

@Yarpo: Thanks!
@Fuck Rapha: Mein viggly penis? Just don't stomp on it and squoosh it!

4) I forget. Oh yeah: before committing a blatantly illegal assault, the lawyer should have consulted a lawyer.

crosspalms said...

I think the bear suit is so Snob can get hired to star in those "pay attention" videos. I hear he's been working on his moonwalk.

Anonymous said...

A folding bike, seriously? Get used to hearing "is the circus in town"

Rollie said...

@mikeweb: Don't I wish!

siGMunD FRieD said...

You do not have to be a smug stoned velotardial minimalista half-spnde* ironicist to be marginally relevant on blog BSnyc. But it helps.


*Two half-spnde = one spondee

leroy said...

Oh dear. This could be serious:

1. BSNYC leaves Brooklyn.

2. Considers buying a foldy.

3. Passes up opportunity to play outdoors to peruse folding bike porn sites on the internet.

My dog says this calls for an intervention even without the bathtub wine collection.

He says lots of folks stash wine bottles in the bathtub. That's why some of it's called bubbly.

I'm not buying it. My dog uses the bathtub to store his emptys. That can't be normal.

Rollie Fingers said...

No, you know what, henceforth I shall go by Rollie Fingers.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the mystery of your new borough has already been solved and I missed it but this sudden need for a folding bike makes me think you moved up to the Bronx. Too far to bike into town so you'll take the train in with your folding bike. This is a very depressing thought. Say it isn't so wildcat.

Anonymous said...

Foldies are tertiary transportation and unsuitable for a bike snob.

Of the two foldie owners I know, one clown rides 100 meters from his pickup truck in the train station's parking lot to the train platform, and then three blocks to work at the other end of the commute.

I still haven't figured out what he does with the kayak he stores on the truck's topper. I guess it's a streamlined truck hat.

The other is my Bro-in-law, who stashes it in his airplane. I guess it comes in handy. But I think of it as sort of a transformer toy bike that only stops short walks.

Der Zoots said...

Beat the lawyer with the chain!!!!!
Again and aGAIN!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I knew that you would like to know that the BF is made in the USA.

Perhaps you are not eccentric enough to own a folding bike.

I looked up the Strida. It looks like a Pedersen but without the hammock-y saddle.

I'd go with the Pedersen.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Fine handlebars Rollie!

Anonymous said...

The fold-up bike is a ruse, a complete mis-direction. He actually settled in Amish Country, PA and opened an artisanal charcuterie shop.

http://www.philly.com/philly/food/20121129_Hershey_restaurants_roll_out_savory_food_and_good_beer.html

Unfortunately, the Plain Folk have been doing this for centuries. Lotsa luck.

Anonymous said...

No comment!

Anonymous said...

I work at a shop that deals in folders. We have the Dahons, Terns and Bromptons. We also have Airnimals.

The shop has sold Bike Fridays and Xootrs in the past.

The Brompton is the most will thought out and smallest folding bike. Our wussiest sales/graphic designer/social media-er has no problem carrying it up and down stars and parading about with it inside of the local upscale market since "you can folks it into a doing cart!"

And the things are damn fun to ride.

JB said...

Two words: rolling blades.

McFly said...

Yo RCT my Ergons arrive today and I ordered the WTB HD XC's yesterday for the tank.

I know I have strayed from the topic of folding bikes but we need not lose sight of what really matters.

Bikes and stuff and folding bikes and dorks.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

snobs,
i'm still trying to hide the keyboard keys on my forehead after nodding off reading your rant about folding bikes. seriously, i hadn't even gotten to the CXSSzzzzz.

This is no joke, I really did fall asleep for like half an hour on my keyboard!

Anonymous said...

Just get a long board

Urban Dictionary said...

Foldy (Noun) f-oʊ-l-d-ɪəʳ -

The foldy is preformed when a intoxicated gentleman can't acheive wood, even after oral stimulation. So naturely he folds his flaccid manhood and inserts it into the woman. Its half the length but twice the width and triple the fun.

Or, he takes a shot of oil out of Cipo's hair and eats pussy.

Herringbone Assoc of England said...

Steve Martin said "Dead Men Don't Wear Tweed" or something like that.

Anonymous said...

Airnimals are quite good, but have big wheels (which some pli-o-philes see as a Bad Thing). Quite like Bromptons, but with the potholes we have here a small-wheeler would fall in.

Or get stuck in the unused tram tracks whilst being ridden by some fanny who doesn't understand physics. There are people trying to sue for this at the moment....twats.

hey nonny mouse

Thomas Nast said...

Tweed!!!!!

Anonymous said...

The Wall Street Journal has a bicycle cartoon today in Pepper and Salt. Must be a tropical Manhattan after the global warming/ocean rising because the guy has a fixie but no Big Gulp.

Anonymous said...

I have no problem with folding bikes as long as they don't have drop bars and aren't in my group ride: "Did I mention, this is my recovery ride? Oh, I did..."

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"and honestly I don't think I could handle wearing the underpants."

-Yeah those tweed underpants must chaff something fierce. Even with a chamois.

Right on Mcfly and some new wheels should put a spark back in the old girl.


Bikes and stuff and folding bikes and dorks and sex.

Jed said...

CRITERIUM. DENTIST
CANINE. WISDOM

Blog Drafter said...

Entertaining funny post today sublime.
Nude Russian girls here...

Anonymous said...

Last month it was Romney and binders of women. Now its women and folders. Kind of a document management theme emerging. You gotta know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em...

Anonymous said...

Non sequitur followed by a clumsy and unsuccessful attempt at humor.




balls™

Telegram Sam said...

Wait - nobody's mentioned a Montague. Are they any good? Because I'm thinking of getting one. At least they have full-sized wheels, which is important, because I already resemble a bear in both the literal and Chelsea sense and don't need people trying to fit me for a muzzle and a tutu. Reviews seem pretty positive so if anybody's got any dirt, let me know before I drop a G on one in the spring.

Also: I also live in an uncool borough and I'm on the wrong side of 40. Are "foldys" inherently lame or is it, again, because of the wee little wheel thing? I just like the idea of being able to take the subway or bus to or from a remote riding destination. Is that so wrong? I mean, based on the comments it obviously is, but I'm not sure why.

JD0g said...

Wasn't going to comment, then I folded.

P. Bateman said...

i'll tell you who will be "folding" on saturday - the pussies from the Alabama Crimson Tide. did you know that crimson tide is also the name of my monthly special visitor? kind of a weird mascot to name your team after a girls menstrual cycle. bunch of PUSSIES i tell you.

GO 'DAWGS

sorry snobby. love ya, but can't focus on anything except saturdays game.

p.s. - folding bikes are popular on the alabama campus because its full of pussies.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Don't blame Mahoney.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Don't blame Mahoney.

McFly said...

Son of a biscuit the Ergons are backordered.

Because that part of the order is coming from freaking Canada.

Maybe Babs is giving them some "Special Vaginal Coating" for a Christmas bonus.

Sure hope the clamp screws are Stainless Steel.

McFly said...

Call me Deacon Blue....

Boston's Pompous Tweed said...

@Hungry Panda: just try to find a folding bike designed by germans. They know it is an impossible and worthless task.

Birdy

Das ist gute Arbeit.

Anonymous said...

I heard that Rapha is to make a bear suit soon. It will cost more than $200 but comes with a free tattoo.

Anonymous said...

Meanwhile, Steve Tilford posted this:

http://stevetilford.com/?p=22967


Can there be any doubt who is the King of Bike Blogs?

McFly said...

Not cool Blog Drafter...not cool.

I was expecting Svetlana Stoyanivich or heroin-sheik whatever. Not the GILF.

leroy said...

Wait a minute. P. Bateman, you're a Dawgs fan?

I don't mean to brag, but my dog and I have met Uga. Several of him.

(My in-laws are from Savannah where I've lived briefly and visit often.)

P. Bateman said...

You better believe that when i get hit by lawyers on my rides that i bleed RED AND BLACK!

Boston grammEr tweed said...

I also think "dr." wild "cat" actually meant a folded bike. Based on his previous posts he appears terribly inaccurate with his participle modifiers.

g-roc said...

Yeah, I was a little surprised, no mention of Strida. I guess it's just too easy. Still, he could have ended the post with a photo of one with no comment required.

Snob, just forget the whole idea and get some rollerblades. Admittedly an even dumber idea, but cheaper, more compact and you can regale us with jovial tales of falling on your ass.

leroy said...

I don't mean to brag, but I got the nickname "leroy" in Georgia.

Could have been worse.

Could have been Bubba.

Anonymous said...

Silly snob, any yacht worth a damn will have a bathroom large enough for a tandem, so even your smugness flotilla should fit.

You know what they call yachts with tiny bathrooms? Boats.

Anonymous said...

Gee, almost made it through without the usual obsessive references to excrement, genitalia, and the anal orifice. But no, "hemorrhoid" came along to keep the tone consistent. Cheap thrills for a blogger, no doubt, to have your own place to indulge your sorry need to poopie-talk. Grow the fuck up.

babble on said...

Anon@ 3:45 - Who peed in your cornflakes? Or is it just that your heart is two sizes too small, hmm?

Is someone holding a gun to your head to make you read? No? Well then you can take your judgement and just go fuck right off.

oops. Did I say that out loud?

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob-

If you get a folding bike imafuckingkillyou!

crosspalms said...

Excrement, genitalia, and the anal orifice walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, fellas, long time no see! Anyone feel a sorry need to poopie-talk coming on?"

Dooth said...

Hooray! Hip, hipster hooray! I can practice my track stands on that Hyundai!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:45pm,

Your touchiness on the subject of hemorrhoids suggests to me you might be a sufferer. My sympathies.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anal expressive said...

Touchy rrhoids.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

BROW NEYE

Anonymous said...

He can cheese off the readers by keeping his new 'hood a secret, or he can rip on what's ridiculous about it. BUT HE CAN'T DO BOTH. Something's got to give.

Or maybe he really is squatting atop a famous skyscraper like Q the Wingéd Serpent.

Anonymous said...

Babble - failure to meaningfully explore the joys of the Strida notwithstanding, you can take comfort in knowing that we all (by "all" I mean some of us) love you dearly. In fact, I barely read the blog anymore; I just log on to see what you have to say about it.

paulb said...

No one actually makes fun of people on folding bikes, which is because no normal person makes fun of bike riders, which is because a normal person knows we're all simple, and it's a sign of a poor upbringing to ridicule the disadvantaged.

leroy said...

Dear Anon. 3:45 --

I know exactly what you mean.

Honestly, this is supposed to be a bike blog not Poopie-Talk-A-Palooza.

My dog would like to get the conversation back on track.

He suggests the following topic:

When Alberto Contador turns sideways and sticks out his tongue, does he look like a hemmorrhoid because he's so thin?

Or because he's an asshole?

Discuss.

Fordham Baldy said...

Face it, haters. He's in Riverdale. Lucky bastard.

Anonymous said...

"I'm walking here! I'M WALKING HERE."

Except for pounding the hood of a taxi, he's wrenching the neck of a history professor.

leroy said...

ROID RAGE

JB said...

Have you considered the new folding Budnitz (i.e., No. 5)?

Anonymous said...

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD. All the big hitters out in force today. Blog Drafter, rural 14 and Yarpo all in ONE comments section!

That ever even happen before?

It's like The Expendables or something.

(ZOD)

paulb said...

P.S. Swift at Valentino Pier. Liking that.

Jimboner said...

Just got back from Rio where the helmentless masses are riding more electric bikes than the folding Dahons, Durbans, Blitzes or Souls. I see inline skates in your future.

McFly said...

You guys took 3:45 all wrong.

It's all about context...as usual.

Grow the fuck up.

I am a fuck up. And as a currently practicing fuck up I must grow in my fuckup'd-ness.

GRROOOOOWWWWW the fuck up in you, too. Nuture it. Feed it. Nourish your inner fuck up.

That's all. I have to go to church now. Something about an intervention-or-other. Hope it's not me.

Rollie Fingers said...

Don't blame Mudhoney.

BIZARRO ZOD said...

For Christ's sake stand the f*ck up!

g-roc said...

Hey leroy, I always suspected you had the smartest dog I've ever heard of, but his method of avoiding bath time borders on brilliant.

g-roc said...

Hanging hemorrhoid Hyundai might be bad spondee, but it's good alliteration - in a mildly offensive kind of way. I mean, really Snob these Hyundai references offend my sensibilities.

Seattle_Mike said...

Snob to help you in your folder search a bicycle friend (with 2 bromptons) has a great why at http://practicalbiking.org/2011/08/why-i-ride-a-brompton-folding-bike.html/

Also if you get a brompton you can attend the 2013 "contest" in the UK http://www.brompton.co.uk/pages/9811
This contest was almost enough for me to get a brompton ... which I don't need as I don't travel.

Vegas said...

Ants in my pants make me do the boogie dance.

On another note, collabo car isn't fixie or brakeless? Steering wheel instead of a slammed stem and hot-dog handlebar? Just another reason (of many) not to buy a High-ooon-die.

g-roc said...

Seattle Mike - Roberto Heras showed up at one of those. This would be the ultimate opportunity for Snob to prove he sucks as bad as he says he does.

Anonymous said...

Is that Red Green piloting the stainless steel 96er?

J said...

Yes! Get a folder snob; paid for half of mine already with all the MTA fare I avoid! Plus total strangers approach with compliments :D

Avidday Yrnesbay said...

Two vegan plum danish high colonic power enemas to go please.

Dali Lama Sanders said...

In Tibet there is an operation available that allows one to have their brain removed from their skull ... then rolled in flour and several secret herbs and spices, then cooked in a pressure cooker, then deep fried, and then served to customers in one of my several restaurants.

Telegram Sam said...

Alright, so no one's gonna talk about Montagues? Fuck y'alls. Dickhead hipsters.

J said...

Another folding brand is Tern, new I think. If you rather have a full sized wheel folding bike, you could opt for a dahon briza at 24", or a montague boston or paratrooper pro. The shop where I purchased my folder, nycewheels in the upper east side offers test rides of all their folders. Good luck in finding the right one, snob.

Name said...

I will suggest these because they seem not to be available in the US, so all the more desirable:

www.durbanbikes.com

And seem to have bigger wheels. Though I couldn´t find the wheel size anywgere in the site. Which means they really know what is important.

babble on said...

Anon @ 4:45 - You are too kind. And either you are lying through your teeth to make me feel better (bless your heart) or you are starkers (welcome to the club.) Either way, cheers.

Paul B - good point - we're all a little touched, aren't we?

mcFly - I think you nailed it. I, too, grow my inner fuck up every chance I get.

Leroy - roid rage... heh heh

Snobbums - thank you for embracing your inner dork. I feel so much better about myself now.

Anonymous said...

Telegram Sam is a kick-ass song by T.Rex, also covered by Bauhaus.

"Telegram Sam, he's my main man"

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike snob, C‘Mon give credit where credit is due. The cops arrested a pedestrian for assaulting a cyclist. We'll take it.

Rollie Fingers said...

J @ 7PM: Yeah strangers approach me too, to talk about the folding bike, but I consider that a drawback.

anon @ 3:45PM: Greetings, David Schloss of Bikehugger!

AdamDZ said...

Bought Dahon Speed P8 two weeks ago, returned after 5 commutes. Bumpy ride, twitchy steering, pain to fold, too heavy to carry in one hand oh and really, really bumpy ride and twitchy steering. But that'd be the case with any folder, I'm sure, so I won't bother again.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Somebody please help me with this...If BSNYC buys a Montague, then whilst out and about runs into a Capulet, the Montague drinks the poison, then the Capulet stabs itself to death, correct?

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g-roc said...

Mont-who? Ohhh yeaahhhh, that bike. Snob, it's perfect. Sucks on the subway with separate wheel, but it will fit in your current Hyundai and save big $ not upgrading to the rolling hemorrhoid.

ken e. said...

cool kids, please have a good weekend!

Anonymous said...

@pbateman, RMFT. I remember similar BS from the puppies before the"blackout" a few years ago, then whimpering, then silence.

paulb said...

AdamDZ: "Agile," not twitchy.

Anonymous said...

You can look at Airnimals too

http://www.calhouncycle.com/productcart/pc/viewcategories.asp?idCategory=97&pageStyle=H

B

J said...

Yeah, steering on the small wheels is responsive, not twitchy. As for the bumpiness, it isn't anything worse than on the thin tires of road bikes. I would say the paratrooper with suspension would be good to flatten rough commutes, but the 16"-20" folders would be ideal if you plan on going multi-modal with a bus or rail transfer.

Blog Drafter said...

McFly @ 3:03

Sorry Dude.

Blog Drafter said...

I can tell you though that the majority of Snob's readers who happen to like nude Russian girls are overwhelmingly Mac/Safari users.

Blog Drafter said...

And a fair number of them are on mobile devices.

Blog Drafter said...

I am concerned a bit by your comment, though, McFly.

Blog Drafter said...

GILF?

Blog Drafter said...

You got some s'plain'n to do, boy.

Blog Drafter said...

Cuz, like, that ain't no girl.

Blog Drafter said...

And the only other G in there is a GUY.

Blog Drafter said...

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

Blog Drafter said...

And there aren't any gulls in that picture.

Blog Drafter said...

Dude, I got spammed in the middle of my thought, where was I?

Blog Drafter said...

Whoa, the spam disappeared from the comments list...that's heavy. It was there, really.

Blog Drafter said...

Anyway, I will tell a joke.

Blog Drafter said...

This is a joke told to me a long time ago by a co-worker.

Blog Drafter said...

At the time I was not very impressed with it but I've grown to appreciate it over time. It's cured/matured.

Blog Drafter said...

I was reminded of this joke by the bass/bass player comments a couple days back...

Blog Drafter said...

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!

Blog Drafter said...

This co-worker was a young women who was into the music scene big time, which I wasn't.

Blog Drafter said...

And she liked telling stories about musicians, etc. and making jokes about them.

Blog Drafter said...

I mostly just looked at her boobs.

Blog Drafter said...

She never wore a bra and her nipples were always poking out.

Blog Drafter said...

NO ONE ever told her to stop.

Blog Drafter said...

Management was cool with it.

Blog Drafter said...

Anyway, she told this joke on day:

Blog Drafter said...

There were these two English dudes, turn-of-the-century English dudes.

Blog Drafter said...

These English dudes were out on an expedition/exploitation mission in Africa somewhere.

Blog Drafter said...

They were being paddled upstream by two local guys.

Blog Drafter said...

Ummm, local guys. Local guys who, like, hated British people.

Blog Drafter said...

Anyway, they started to hear the sound of drums coming from upstream, where they were going.

Blog Drafter said...

Drums. Sorta soft at first but as they were being paddled upstream they got loader and loader.

Blog Drafter said...

British dudes started shifting around in their seats a little.

Blog Drafter said...

Started pattin' their butts to check their wallets, you know, like that.

Blog Drafter said...

Getting nervous.

Blog Drafter said...

One chap asked one of the local guys, "I say, what are those drums for?'

Blog Drafter said...

Local guy in the front says, "the drums must never stop!"

Blog Drafter said...

British dudes look at each other.

Blog Drafter said...

"Well, I say, they're getting annoying."

Blog Drafter said...

They continue upstream. The drums get louder and more insistent. They pulse, loud and soft, soft and loud.

Blog Drafter said...

British dude in the back begins rubbing his forehead and turns to the local guy in back and says, "Really, must those drums go on like that?"

Blog Drafter said...

The local guy in back shakes his head slowly side-to-side and says softly, "the drums must never stop!"

Blog Drafter said...

Oops, I just read that I typed "loader" instead of "louder".

Blog Drafter said...

Hehe. But I meant "louder," of course.

Blog Drafter said...

GIFL? WTF McFly?

Blog Drafter said...

Oh, I'm pulling to 200 BTW.

Blog Drafter said...

Anyway the drums start getting so LOUD that the local guys are starting to get nervous too.

Blog Drafter said...

Trevor and Stanley pick up on this fact, which makes them even more nervous as well.

Blog Drafter said...

And nervousness spills into apprehension for the poor chaps and they start getting really uncomfortable.

Blog Drafter said...

And the local guys are catching up to them.

Blog Drafter said...

Nervous in a "where the fuck are we and what are we doing here" kind of way.

Blog Drafter said...

Great, the wind starts blowing downstream towards them which makes the drum beats even louder.

Blog Drafter said...

And it seems like the drums are feeding off of them, getting stronger and stronger as they get more and more...frightened!

Blog Drafter said...

Yes, Trevor and Stanley are now frightened, McFly, they are frightened indeed.

Blog Drafter said...

They had their shave and bath that morning and they really seemed on top of the world then, and it seemed everyone respected them so.

annonymoose said...

Lights out, boys! Go to bed, and dream of babble's calves.

Blog Drafter said...

They ordered the things in the canoe to be placed just so, just so indeed.

Blog Drafter said...

And they were going upstream to be Explorers, so there was no thought of turning back.

Blog Drafter said...

Hey anonymous stick around, this is a good joke...

Blog Drafter said...

...you've thrown me off.

Blog Drafter said...

Oh, yeah, they were going upstream. Drums. drums. DRUMS.

Blog Drafter said...

The local guy's arms and legs start shaking.

Blog Drafter said...

Everybody's getting mighty freaked out.

Blog Drafter said...

THE DRUMS GET LOUDER AND LOUDER!

annonymoose said...

I think I can hear them, ever so faint...

Blog Drafter said...

The local guys start chanting, "The drums must never stop. The drums must never stop. The drums must never stop."

Blog Drafter said...

Trevor looks at Stanley, shaking. Stanley looks at Trevor, pasty-faced even for an Englishman.

Blog Drafter said...

"The drums must never stop. The Drums must never stop. The drums must never stop."

annonymoose said...

Be right back. Delivery guy with my "precursors" is here.

Blog Drafter said...

Stanley: "Oh, why, why must the drums never stop, oh why? Tell me."

Blog Drafter said...

Trevor: "Why, Why, Why?" Why must the drums never stop. Oh, these infernal drums...why must they never stop?"

Blog Drafter said...

The local guy in front turns and looks at at Trevor first, then Stanley, then the local guy in the back and slowly says...

Blog Drafter said...

Because...

Blog Drafter said...

Because...

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