Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Look Out! It's Wednesday And We're About To Be Attacked By A Giant Holiday!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins.  Two years ago, a friend of mine asked me to say some MC rhymes.  And so forth.

Well, I know I've only just returned from a moving-induced absence, but tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and Friday is the day after Thanksgiving, and that means after today I won't be posting again until Monday, November 26th.  If you're American, chances are you don't care that I won't be bloggering because you'll be off doing Thanksgiving stuff too.  If you're not American, don't blame me for the fact that you live in the wrong country.  Also, keep in mind that the day before Thanksgiving is the busiest travel day in the country, and I have to get to the airport in three hours to catch a plane from LaGuardia to JFK.  Most importantly, you should be tolerant of my culture, because Thanksgiving is a very important holiday here.  It commemorates the day that Christopher Columbus landed on the island of Hispaniola, where the Native American tribes fêted him with turkey and then ritualistically circumcised him, in return for which he gave them the gift of smallpox.  That's why on this day we make gratuitous lists of things that we are thankful for, and here is mine:

Things For Which I Am Thankful For
by Wildcat Rock Machine

--The delicate balance of nitrogen, oxygen, and other crap that makes the planet Earth habitable
--Most cheeses
--The urethra, because without it what a mess making "number one" would be!  Like the "mist" setting on a spray bottle!
--Vowels, because a world of only consonants would be a living trdczwmnmnmnthrhrhr.  (And sometimes "y.")

However, if you're a nudist and you live in San Francisco, you're certainly not thankful for the fact that the city has officially banned public nudity:

Here's why they did it:

The nudity situation in the Castro has become extreme,” Mr. Wiener told his colleagues.

Ohmygod he hates nudity and his name is Wiener.  That's the most mellifluous sentence I've read in a very long time.  If I ever reach a point where I no longer find something like that funny then just bury me alive.

Ironically, while San Francisco's public nudity enthusiasts may enjoy unobstructed views of each-other's human genitalia, they have no tolerance for the Wiener:

“Recall Wiener! Wiener is a Republican!” shouted Gerhart Clarke, 55, who stood up along with half a dozen others and stripped down to the buff.

“Shame on you!” another woman yelled, pulling off her shirt. “What are you afraid of?”

"Enough of your flip-flopping, Wiener!," I might have added while waving an athletic supporter had I been there.

Anyway, San Franciscans are now on notice that they have until February 1st to thoroughly gross out their fellow citizens:

The law will not go into effect until after Feb. 1, which will allow enough time for a federal judge to consider a lawsuit brought against the city by a group of nudists who claim that the ordinance infringes on their constitutional right to free speech.

The idealist in me wants to live in a world where we're all are comfortable with the human form, yet the pragmatist in me just wants to tell these people to put on some pants and shut up.  Of course, the real problem is that in practice some human forms cause more discomfort than others, so perhaps the best solution would be to institute some sort of permit system by which you'd have to apply for a public nudity license.  In that scenario, I'd deny roughly half of these applicants:


By the way, I enjoyed this picture of the San Francisco pro-nudity demonstration:


Not only is it good to see Tony Bennett letting it all hang out, but it's tremendously entertaining to see fully-clothed interlopers hoping for a glance at some nip:


Evidently he doesn't have the Internet at home.

Meanwhile, in Scotland, Graeme "The Flying Scotsman" Obree is preparing for his assault on the human-powered land speed record, which he will attempt on a homemade machine called the "Beastie:"


That looks remarkably like a Swatch I once had in middle school.  Apparently the condom-like fairing has been impairing Obree's visibility somewhat, but he's still optimistic:

Due to issues with visibility, Obree decided to test the usability of the bike with the fairing at a more moderate speed. The tests proved very successful and he remains upbeat despite the weather.

Another reason for his optimism is that, while the bike offers limited visibility for the rider, it also makes it difficult to see inside.  This means Obree will be able to operate it naked without running afoul of Weiner's draconian anti-nudity statutes.  When you're going for the land speed record every fraction of a second counts, and it helps if Obree can keep "The Little Scotsman" unfettered.

Moving on from little Scotsmen to gigantic Canadians, the set of bike-hating siamese quintuplets who call themselves the Robs Fords have had an accident while miming the act of playing football, and Canadian-flavored commenter CommieCanuck has forwarded me this riveting video of the incident:


He totally crashed himself like a Cat 5 in a field sprint.

Or, if you prefer the salient moment repeated ad nauseum you can watch this, which was forwarded by another reader:



Fords can rest easy knowing that once his political career is over he's a sure thing for the lead in the Chris Farley biopic.

And in product news, a reader has informed me of the "Helmet Hoodie," which promises to provide you with "cranium candlepower:"


Unfortunately the "Helmet Hoodie" people are missing out on huge cycling markets like Amsterdam and Copenhagen where everybody rides bikes but nobody wears helments.  The obvious solution is to rebrand it in those cities as the "Psychedelic Yarmulke" and just tell them to wear it without the helment.  They could even do an underpants version, which should be a big seller in San Francisco come February.

Happy Thanksgiving, ride safe, and try to avoid those Black Friday human stampedes at Walmart.  See you on November 26th.


--Wildcat Rock Machine



197 comments:

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Ding!

Frilly said...

Podio?!?

hellbelly said...

2nd loser!Yay!

babble on said...

Yaaay! Wednesday!

McFly said...

MorePIPPOPOZZATTOORIMAFOOKINKILLYA. I have a mild case of manlove.

Anonymous said...

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD.

Anonymous said...

All this refreshing ups clicks for impressing advertisers, right? (ZOD)

Anonymous said...

Don't thank me. (ZOD)

Anonymous said...

Where's Yarpo? (ZOD)

Marcel Da Chump said...

The nude trumpet player blows me away.

Fly-over bike commuter (formerly provencial bike commuter said...

Living in a world without vowels is like living in some eastern European country.

Whereas, living in a world without consonants is like living in some polynesian country.

But, when you look at the big picture it all evens out.

McFly said...

MEGA MUFF

THCK BUSH

COUS INIT

ken e. said...

whoot!

Tarmacjohn said...

After test results come back I'm sure I'll be first. You dopers suck.

Yarpo said...

(ZOD), I'm back here, betrayed by my Mac and my invisible/imaginary leadout train. What was the use of going to Gran Canaria if this shit was gonna happen?

Kneeling Before ZOD (ZOD)....

Ritte said...

Fred

Yarpo said...

Oh yeah,

SWET GUTR

...someone had to knuckle-tat it...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Today is my birthday. As if the top step of the podio wasn't enough I get to share it with frilly. Yay! Maybe she'll unzip her jersey down just a little bit further...Oh was I thinking out loud!!?

In this thanksgiving season I'm most thankful for Wildcat Rockmachine. You make me laugh. This midget week of posts was like a volcano; A little smoke on Monday, More smoke and tremors on Tuesday and today a full on spooge of lava and hot ash!

Anonymous said...

I saw that Tony Bennet looking guy once when I was a young waif, panhandling on the not-so-mean-street of castro. He's a spry chap, lots of bounce, even with that amazing cock ring weighing his wiener down. He offered me not money (as its rather difficult to pull out a few cents, or even a few bucks from pockets you don't have), but a kind, genuine smile. Hopefully that charming smile of his will merit his cock ring donned wiener be free to breath that salty castro air.

Anonymous said...

When Knog is paying you your bills, your next logical move is to move to Australia.

Anonymous said...

You can get anything you want at Alice's restaraunt...

Anonymous said...

May I take this moment to interject this passage in Sasha Frere-Jones' piece on Kathleen Hannah in the latest New Yorker:

``She embodies the sexuality embedded in rock, mocks it, switches tracks as needed, and obscures the point of her own performance. You sense that whatever you take away is laced, spiked and timed to go off later.''

Oi. Where to start?

theEel said...

weDNeSdAY!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:56pm,

I read that as "Her music sucks."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

It's a sad day when little freedoms are lost. Never gained as far as I can tell...like a big boa constrictor. Butt this Castro ruling is kinda nice. If you have ever walked around after a...ballgame....and seen a lobster red man sporting a raging boner (pill induced) walking around with a cigar you wood understand this ruling. It was a squeaker, passing 6-5.

CommieCanuck said...

You should hear Robba-the-Hutt panting and wheezing after that 5 second epic display of footbawl prowess.

This was part of the Grey Cup publicity. The Grey Cup is like the Superbowl, except no one gives a shit. It could be renamed the Meh Cup.

Let's get hammered and tip Robs Fords.

g. said...

Does it matter that none of the folks in that second pic are actually nude?

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Council members stiffened their resolve, under Wiener, to try and make some firm decrees, regarding the nudity, which, many city residents know, gets not just him, but all of the Weiners florid and red. "San Franciso is not the porn capital of this state. That's in L.A, at this place I can't even find sometimes!",he loudly ejaculated, placing the other council members in a sticky spot.

mikeweb said...

I think Robs Fords has taken this Cartman persona thing a bit too far.

In other Brooklyn news, we decided not to wait in line for two hours at 6:30 this morning for the privilege of buying pies for $38.10 each.

But bless their little artisanal hearts.

Anonymous said...

It looks like Robs Fords fat head is ready to expload after roughly 3 seconds of physical exertion. I predict a massive coronary in his near future.

Anonymous said...

So Yarpo had a "mechanical". Heard that one before. (ZOD)

Buffalo Bill said...

Damn I hate those Robs Fords. What a bunch of buffoons they are.

babble on said...

The word nerd in me is grateful for vowels, too, Snob, but more than that I'm grateful that you left that job you didn't much like for the life of a blogalotter, or as is the case this week a blogabitter, cause my days are way more fun with you in em.

And...

Um... sorry, but WHAT? I'm comfortable with sexuality, familiar with it. I like it, and I promote it, and I've yet to find any embedded in rock.

Unless it is a giant soapstone dildo, rock is entirely without sexuality. In my humble opinion.

Frilly said...

Double kisses for rct for the win and yer birthday!

And I usually have my jersey unzipped farther down. Thats the beauty of sports bras--lots of coverage. To the point that one of the guys I ride with very funnily and politely asked me if there was ever a chance I could wear something different.

leroy said...

Can someone explain to my dog why "Recall Wiener" isn't same thing as "Remember the Maine"?

He won't listen to me.

Frank not Fred said...

that Robs Fords video was the funniest thing i've seen in like 2 days

i sat and watched for a solid 2 hours. and i'm still laughing.

maybe i should get back to work.
Nahh that video is too damn funny!!!

Anonymous said...

I got something hard as a rock that is timed to go off later.

LUVC ANON

Comment deleted said...

The Wiener Ordinance is a blow to free speech, at least the sort of free speech that issues from an erect penis.

crosspalms said...

I'm with Marcel, give it up for the lady trumpeter.
Band name, Nudists with Shoes.

babble on said...

Happy birthday RTC! Kisses from this corner, too.

Anonymous said...

Bah Humbug!

Too early?

Ef Fu, then.

maybe I'm a prude after all said...

As a nude beach enthusiast, I admit to mixed feelings on the SF ordinance. There is a time and place for everything, and occasional events such as World Naked Bike Ride and Bay to Breakers are absolutely o.k., but for everyday? Consider the children , for goodness sake. Offending the sensibilities of others is just about the opposite of what nudism is all about.

Anonymous said...

Wait,,what? Only "roughly" half??

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thanks ladies, I feel like I'm the oily one between two roses in that pic from yesterday.

One of todays topics led me to do some online research into this Wiener thing where I discovered this interesting chart of Wiener distribution At first I was disheartened to see in the 1880's such a large amount of Wieners poking around my belt loop of the corn belt. Thankfully by the 1920's the Wiener concentration was firmly focused around the Pennsylvania-New York region.

The Magnificent Omri said...

Death Penguins?

leroy said...

I stocked up on Cheetos, beef jerky, and Rolling Rock because my dog and his riding buddies will be commandeering my couch to watch the National Dog Show tomorrow.

I even got special cheese for his lactose intolerant friend and plastic sheeting for the rug (you never know when one of them will yell "scooting contest" during a commercial).

Now my dog tells me they would prefer a sampling of some nice white Burgundies, preferably a couple of Chassagne-Montrachets and some Pugliny-Montrachets accompanied by a simple herbed chevre.

When I told him about the Rolling Rock and Cheetos, he rolled huis eyes and replied "Oh puh-leeze, we're not animals."

Not animals, huh?

Who made two gallons of Margaritas last year and served it from the toilet, huh? Doesn't matter that he put an umbrella in it and used fancy colored straws. It was still dogs drinking from the toilet.

I'm keeping the plastic sheet for the rug just in case.

Oh well, maybe RCT would appreciate a case of Cheetos for his birthday. I've got plenty.

Ride safe all!

JB said...

The leering interloper is Charlie Rose.

Frilly said...

Leroy we call that butt scooties.

Anonymous said...

I'll never play the trumpet again.




balls™

Anonymous said...

Gravity 1 Robs Fords 0

Fud.

hey nonny mouse

mikeweb said...

Happy birthday rct!

Please tell me you won't be wearing your birthday suit. You might offend the wieners out there, or at least 9 out of 10 of them.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Birthday suit Hmmm? It is about time I change my profile pic.....nah.

grog said...

Underneath these clothes, I'm completely naked.
Oh Babe, stay out of Frisco.
HappyDay rct
EATU RKEY

Anonymous said...

Hey Babs, two words: Stones, Rolling

HFQBBM!

babble on said...

Eeeew. Not sexy.

babble on said...

HFQBBM??

McFly said...

I want to go on record as sayin' that I am NOT DOWN with Full-Blown Naked Times.

Have you been to West Tennessee?

My Lord for the love of humanity keep your clothes on.

I like the liscense idea but where the hell would you keep it?

No one and I mean no one looks good buck-ass naked with a fanny pack.

McFly said...

Hot Fart Queefs Before Bowel Movements?

It's just a guess...

bikesgonewild said...

...happy birthday, recumbemt conspiracy theorist...

...are you 'on' today or what ???...sheesh...

...top step & sharing the podio-dooo w/ 'the frills' ON your birthday...your stars are aligned, amigo...quick, buy a lottery ticket...

bikesgonewild said...

...(question) - what's the difference between a a 26 lb uncooked butterball turkey & rob fords head ???...

...(answer) - i have no idea but they look like they're related...

Anonymous said...

Tilfords been changing positions but still not satisfied.

bikesgonewild said...

...(question) - what's the difference between trono mayor rob ford & new jersey gov chris christie ???...

...(answer) - while they're both bucking for cardiac seizures, at least chris christie has a brain...

...hey, c'mon folks...these aren't meant to be funny, i'm just stating facts, alright ???...

babble on said...

The butterball bit was funny, though...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Right good observation bgw. That Christie does seem a stand up guy a real man of the people. Too bad we'll probably lose him and those Fords will go on bloviating for years.

Ursa said...

ZOD, you are master of all you survey, and not anonymous.

McFly said...

Hey RCT how old are you? Congrats on making it to that number.

McFly said...

This blog use to be about bikes and stuff.

Now it's about 1970's Vag-Fro's, The gravitational pull of Rob Fords head bringing him to the earth and birthdays.

Screw this I am going mountainous bicycling...with hunny bunny...in the woods....I feel a relapse coming on...

I said "coming on"...heehee

Vegas said...

I am also thankful for the Snob and the chuckles he induces. As well as a good deal of the commentariat. Remember everyone, a big bike ride is the best way to put yourself into calorie debt and jumpstart your hunger for the turkey & goodies.

Big Charlie said...

Commie,

While I admire and value your literary output in this forum, I respectfully and vehemently disagree with your characterization of the Grey Cup. Many people, including me, do care.

It's just that Torontards (to use your apt phrase from the other day) appear to not. They would rather pay many times as much to see a product many times inferior (see: Leafs, The Maple, or "UFC" or somesuch). It's an incredible, fun event that hipsters would hate because people participate non-ironically, not to mention have actual fun. And it's driven largely by, and is provided for, real people rather than massive advertising budgets.

Whew, that amount of sincerity is exhausting. Now I understand how much easier it is to write this blog without it.

Go Stamps!

Anonymous said...

Ursa, you're right. It's contradictory to click Anonymous and then sign. Or is it ironic? Wait, hypocritical maybe?

I like that master of all you survey bit, but it's not ABSOLUTELY true, at least not while Blog Drafter still draws breath. Sssshhh might wake him up! (ZOD)

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

42. But I feel like I'm 22. Thanks to my bike and of course by being a desciple of babble's philosophy.

Dooth said...

Thank You ( Falettinme Be Mice Elf Again)

bikesgonewild said...

...'...42...'...sheesh...get offa my lawn, you fucking kid !!!...

Ursa said...

Just trying to help, dear. What time will you and Non be home from aerobics class?
BOD BY ZOD

bikesgonewild said...

...& thank you, babble-on...i kinda did like the 'butterball' bit myself...

...very visual, that...

...i guess i'm allowed to laugh at my own jokes, ya ???...

Anonymous said...

hey housecat funk apparatus, you need to trotify your bike for your next fred ride.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Oh joy the surprises keep coming! After riding my bicycle home I found a brand new copy of the Athleta catalog in the mailbox. Maybe the fatbike girls will be back. Back in 15.

Anonymous said...

With a gnarly bush like that woman, who needs an anti-nudity statute?

Well, come to think of it, since the average nudist is a leather skinned Rob Ford lookalike, maybe it is better to be safe than sorry

g-roc said...

Robba the Fords is funny. He makes me laugh. You wouldn't get that level of entertainment from His Smugness if BC got into the Grey Cup. Lob bless his cold, congealed, lard entombed, seven sizes too small heart.

crosspalms said...

RCT, congrats! 42 is the meaning of life.
BGW, Robs Fords is safe from zombie attacks because he's already eaten his own brain. And with that happy Thanksgiving thought, ride (and eat) safe all!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're banging them together!"

The trotify really is a brilliant idea.

Pause the video at 1:10

Charles Norris said...

I swear to God if I ever see a bike with a Trotify on it I will drop kick that piece of shit off the head stay.

leroy said...

42? Yeesh. Kids.

Speaking of kids and appearing in public inappropriately, my young son has invited me to sit in when he plays at a club in the East Village next month. A couple of years ago, he let me sit in on an old Hendrix song.

This time, he's suggested a Red Hot Chili Peppers tune. I think those are the guys who perform without their shirts, right?

My dog says I should do it because, really, what could go wrong? Of course when he represented me, I regularly lost my shirt.

Anonymous said...

Play "Breaking the Girl".

disgruntl Ed. said...

I was going to be all indignant about your assertion that I live in the wrong country, but then you slammed me with the irrefutable Robs Fords. Well, yes sir.

Toronto is actually quite splendid and its people are friendly. Here, faced with three poor options the last time we chose a mayor, we chose Robs Fords. Not me personally, mind you.

Everyone can make a mistake. Here we have a mayor more focused on football than on civic issues. Given who he is, perhaps that is a good thing.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

Anonymous said...

http://www.trotify.com

BoOom.

Comment deleted said...

Leroy, if you are a bass player*, emulating Flea might upset your dog.

*A perfectly respectable thing to be, IMHO.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Leroy, when I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert a few years back, Anthony Kiedis wore nothing but a pair of whitey-tighteys. To be honest, I was relieved that his guitar more or less covered up the naughty bits.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Comment Deleted, how do you get a bass player off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

bikesgonewild said...

...sheesh, leroy...after the barefoot, 'abbey road' bike ride debacle with the "paul/leroy is dead" rumors, you mean you're willing to take more of your clothes off for that dog of yours ???...

...personally, i'm never gonna pay to feed any animal that i'm then expected to follow around & clean up after...

...except myself, of course...that's bad enough...

bikesgonewild said...

...what do you call a bass player who breaks up with his girlfriend ???...

...homeless ..

Les Claypool said...

Hey man watch it with the bass jabs. I will kiss you cranium with an aluminum baseball batmynameismud.

McFly said...

Yo Wildcat would you recommend the Ergon Grips to someone with carpal tunnel/wrist pain issues?

McFly said...

How do you know when the stage is level?
When the bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A Bass Player

What's the difference in a bass guitar and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up a bass guitar.

annonymoose said...

How is bass player like a pizza? Both barely feed a family of four.

babble on said...

Dear Snobbums,

Thank you for naked.

Babbles.

babble on said...

Um... oh yeah, and if you can read this you're probably not a bass player.

bikesgonewild said...

...i was NOT gonna come back to this site tonight & i was definitely NOT gonna respond to anything but, damn...that's a great chuckle, 'b'...

leroy said...

How do you know your dog plays bass?

You have to explain the bass player jokes to him.

(He hates that, but is a big Derek Smalls fan.)

99....

leroy said...

Fun Vancouver bass player trivia fact for Babble:

One of my former band mates plays bass on an album by Vancouver's own "The Pointed Sticks."

I've never heard it though.

My dog claims my band mate did it just so he could have an album in the "imported" bin at U.S. record stores.

I say my dog's just jealous he didn't get the gig. You know how dogs like to play with sticks.

100?

babble on said...

Yep.. The century is yours.

Tony, or Scott?

Cipo's Dog Handler said...

So the local Turkey Trot is going by my humble abode and my Pyrenean Mastiff runs to the front door and stands up against the glass door. Two young female runners see him and run over to the door and throw themselves on their knees. Thank the Lob on high for the invention of glass.

Anonymous said...

I am most thankful for morning head.

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Martian Anus said...

All spondee odd/even rationing will end this Sunday.

Anonymous said...

Ursa I have no idea who installed that hidden camera in my gym, and when I find out heads will roll. Still, the pictures speak for themselves and only a fool would deny the clear benefits accruing to anyone who tries my revolutionary ZOD full body workout. (ZOD)

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CommieCanuck said...

Le Roy said...
"This time, he's suggested a Red Hot Chili Peppers tune. I think those are the guys who perform without their shirts, right?"

Wow. You are old. Those are the guys with the sweat socks on their schlongs.

CommieCanuck said...

"Individuals from nations around the world all above the world proudly have on Ugg boots and acquiring gains along with health ,comfortness and cash . "

Ya know, since wearing these sweet Uggs, I do feel healthier and wealthier.

PRWD UGGS

babble on said...

IIIIII know, right?

And I am forever falling in like.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Speaking of sheep skin Uggs;

So this cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the old West. He finally settles on a ranching town near the very edge of civilization. So near, in fact, that there aren't any women to be found for love nor money. Well, he's young and full of hormones, and after a month, he starts getting randy, so he goes to the saloon to ask around. After a couple of sort of nervous, whispered conversations, it comes out that you use the sheep. Well, our hero isn't real happy about this, but he's really desperate. He buys a bottle to nerve himself up. He goes and finds the nearest flock, and decides that if he's going to do this at all, he's going to do it right. He spends most of the afternoon picking out the prettiest sheep in the flock. He shampoos her wool and ties ribbons around her neck. Puts a little bell on her collar. He's also getting pretty drunk. By evening, he's done cleaning up the sheep, and not thinking real clearly. He's so proud of the way the sheep looks, he decides to take her in to town and show her off at the saloon. He walks in with the sheep, and the room goes quiet. Everybody's staring at the guy. And not just staring, but kinda recoiling in shock and horror. He's ashamed, but he's drunk enough; he slurs out, "Whassamada, I thought ever'body went out to the sheep?" Finally, one old timer pipes up. "Yeah, boy, but you got the sheriff's girl."



babble on said...

eeeeew....ewe

Anonymous said...

Cute, but, if you're young and full of hormones its after A DAY, not a month.

McFly said...

What did the sheep herder say to the drunk Irish guy?

"Hey McCloud, get offa my ewe! Hey McCloud, get offa my ewe!"

ce said...

There should be a variation of Godwin's Law covering the subject of sheep fucking. I'll call it Bruce's Law.

ce said...

By the way, thanks for nothing Wildturkey.

McFly said...

When the attractiveness grows, the price tag also rises up sharply



Like hookers.

Comment deleted said...

I built this bar -- do you think they call me Macraedy the Builder? Nay!

I pour the best drinks -- do you think they call me Macraedy the Bartender? Nay!

But you play one bass...

crosspalms said...

As a recovering bass player, may I just say Good Boys Do Fine Always, and AYHSMEADG. Though that will change when I get a guitarron.

McFly, +1 for the stage is level joke. I'm still snorting.

Comment deleted said...

This is my favorite, although it hasn't even happened accidentally to me.

ce said...

So... Jesse Pinkman gets all messed up in the head after shooting a recumbent rider in the face? Seriously?

He...rode...a...recumbent, yo.

McFly said...

CD,
Cool story, bro.

Gale Boetticher said...

Walt Whitman is dope, yo.

And so are recumbents. And Libertarianism.

Goveror 'The Honorable' Andrew Coma said...

So Mr. Snob resides in the New Yawk City?

Isn't NYC considered to be, in the geographical sense, anything five miles south of Poughkeepsie and west of Montauk?


Jeffery Dahmer II said...

Today I made up some turkey jerky from yesterday's leftovers.

Funny. Tastes just like human.

The Ghost of Charles Mingus said...

I used to bitch-slap my bandmates who couldn't play my music right. Yeah, I played the bass, acoustic upright, bitches. That's right, played bitches.

The Ghost of Charles Mingus said...

I used to bitch-slap my bandmates who couldn't play my music right. Yeah, I played the bass, acoustic upright, bitches. That's right, played bitches.

babble on said...

RCT - I like the way you burned off your turkey. Nice post.

Mine's all about the naughty/nice divide.

Dooth said...

...and if you've ever been PLAGORIZED, you know just how painful it can be...

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

Commie -- just a sweat sock?

Well that explains my dog handing me half a pair of quarter length crew socks he said was from wardrobe.

Of course I'm going to cover up more. But I'm still telling my dog to get tube socks.

I can always do that Derek Smalls cucumber-in-tin-foil thing if need be.

And as McFly's sainted granny used to say "A sock on the Johnson is better than a sock to the Johnson."

Or was that Babble?

McFly said...

Yeah the problem with all my socks is that there is almost invariably a hole where the big toe is. A cock-snuggie is not a good look for me.

I would much rather waddle out on stage with my weiner tucked back between my thighs "Mangina" style.

McFly said...

OK I JUST found out no kiddies tonight so I am going to lounge around the house with the SOCK-ON-THE-'OL-PLEASUE-VESSEL set-up and see if she notices. Let the banana hammock swing with delight.

Just when I try to get my mind out of the gutter you guys go putting undergarmants on your peni.

leroy said...

McFly -- my dog says thank you for over-sharing, but that's not a picture he wants in his mind's eye.

He told me if I tried something like that, the missus would just tell me my shirt looks wrinkled.

McFly said...

She just asked me if I was out of underwear and went back to wrapping gifts.

WE GOT THE BOY SOME CLIP-IN STYLE PEDALS! He been wearing me out about power transfer loss.

babble on said...

Oh YEAH, baby. She's back. My girl is back with Penis Hands.

NSFW but fuck that girl is funny.

Ray Sexlight said...

Penis Hand? This is why I always jump in the shower and rinse after sex. That way there is no excuse for "Morning Head".

Anonymous said...

Thanks giving? For what?
Bankruptcy, declining world relevance, ludicrous religious values, gun laws?
Change it to "Why has God forsaken us?"Day.

ce said...

It's Baaaaad

McFly said...

Ewe

Punxsutawney Philip said...

Still Wednesday in BSnyc world...

WTFook is this Ground Pig Day II?

PS - It's Philip not Phil!

Fook with The Philip and I'll fook you up!

Stroke Police said...

Babble On please report to Customer Service for a Hand Sniff Check...Babble On please report to Customer Service for a Hand Sniff Check.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey McFly obviously anyone whose suffering from wrist discomfort or carp in their tunnels should just get a recumbent.

Otherwise yeah the ergon grips are the shiz.

babble on said...

Prolotherapy works, too.

Anonymous said...

Tony Bennet has really large nipples.

McFly said...

Thanks for the intel RCT I am going to order some. I assume you got the "Large Hand" model?

Dang Babble even when you are providing medical help it still involves "injecting a solution into someone's body".

I had a pretty gnarly spill on a fast downhill today and I think I need a hot bubble bath. I am going to try and not let my thoughts wander to Babbles dreamy legs.

But what happens in the tub stays in the tub. Or goes down the drain.

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Anonymous said...

Shut the fuck up Donnie.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

can't... write... yet...

babble on said...
Leroy, I'm pretty sure it was McFly's sainted Grandma who coined that one, but clearly she was a woman after my own heart. And if my girl Shirl had heard the good word, she'd have more than just a hand job to go to every day.

McFly - yer wife is funny. I liked the out of underwear line... and yes, a good hot semen injection will cure a lot of what ails a girl, but for those connective tissue issues I have a love hate relationship with Hal the pain doctor.

Um, and it should be said:
I am genuinely enjoying by these pleasant arguments presented here, too.

McFly said...

Maybe your knees would give you less trouble if you stayed off of them.......

Jus........

Sayin.........


Boston's Inferiority Complex said...

why do I get the feeling that everyone who posts comments on BSNYC is either drunk or high or both? (or as they say in the midwest, bolth). and it's really just 3 or 4 people.

and in conclusion, yankees suck.

ps, trotify dammit.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

McFly yes "large hand" Model definitely.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Boston --

My dog says there at least 6 people who read and post on Mr. BSNYC's blog.

Of course, you can't believe half the stuff he says.

McFly said...

BIC,
Maybe try leaving a comment instead of a comment about comments.

Anonymous said...

Q: You know what they say about guys with "big hands"?

A: They order "big grips".

(It's not funny because it's true)

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...well, rub-a-dub-dub...
...mcfly's in the tub...
...he ain't in the navy...
...but he's fondling his sub...

...whilst visions of babble...
...fill the mind of this rabble...
...the tub needs a scrub...
...because of his dabble...

...his disgusting demeanor...
...& the ooze from his weiner...
...in his tight fisted scrabble...
...needs industrial cleaner...

...hey...it's 5:00am-ish out here, i just got home from work & that's the best i got, ya, ???...

...just sayin'...

babble on said...

HA!

Too funny. You guys rock. Happy Sunday, peeps: only one more day to go.

Oh no. I'm neither stoned nor drunk. What to do... what to do...?

McFly said...

Rub-a-dub-dub
I could not muster a chub,

So I let the heat soak
And that ain't no joke,

But to prove it ain't broke
I gave her a poke,

In no mood to be pleased
She just got on her knees,

Skittles or not
It always stays hot,

So to hell with the lot
A fine lass I've got...

bikesgonewild said...

...grey cup time, ehhh ???...

...got my touque on, a big dish a' dat fine greasy poutine & a case a' moosehead & i'm ready for some ass kickin', ya ???...

...gimme a little gordie lightfoot at halftime, ehhh ???...

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I think it's a shame
when I get feelin' better
when I'm feelin' no pain

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

knobby tired bliss Almost as good as sex.

bikesgonewild said...

...ya, & "...sometimes I think it's a sin
when I feel like I'm winnin'
when I'm losin' again..."
...

bikesgonewild said...

...when someone uses this blogsite to try n' draw people to their own non-cycling site, it's not just spam, it's douche flavored spam...

...just sayin'...

McFly said...

RCT,
Great pics bro. It's cool, we all take a fat one every now and then. You are way less likely to fall off! Is that a 1" threaded or 1 1/8" Threadless stem? I need to upgrade my fork. I ordered those sweet Ergons.

BGW,
I can see her lyin' back in her satin dress.....
So I pull it real high to avoid the mess.......

bikesgonewild said...

...ha...nice...in the time it took me to type up a response, bsnyc/rtms/wcrm eliminated the douche-spammers comment...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey thanks. 1 1/8" threadless. Good deal you will like the ergons. Are you putting them on a mtb? I'm not so sure I would like them on my mtb still got regular round lock-ons on the mtb. Snob has the ergons on his mountain cycling bike and he says he likes them.

bikesgonewild said...

...mcfly...being a decided perve myself, you know i can appreciate that BUT i'm gonna tell ya a secret...

...having lived the greater majority of my life in beautiful northern california, it will always be my home...i love the area & my life is filled with so many wonderful long term loves & friendships...

...i take serious pride in being a part of this great nor-cal community in my own way - BUT - i'll tell you, when i hear one of those better known gordon lightfoot songs, my mind stops in it's tracks & my soul is stirred in ways most folks could never imagine...

...you can take the boy out of canada but you can never take the canadian out of the boy...

Tommy 'Jailbird' Bong said...

I know I promised that I would never do this again ...

but ...

how do I know when I'm high?

Tommy Bong said...

Have I ever mentioned the occasion upon which I was apprehended 'holding' by the county sheriff?

The judge let me off, because I was wearing a lab coat, rubber apron, safety gauntlets, plastic pocket protector and safety goggles when arrested.

My defense.

I was experimenting with drugs!

McFly said...

I am going to give them a shot on the Trek 930. It's where I have the most discomfort this side of Taco Bell. Yeah BGW I really like Gord. Carefree Highway, If you Could read my mind, etc.

Hell we had a cat NAMED Sundown cause thats what was playin when we were thinkin of a name. She was a goldish color in our defense.

bikesgonewild said...

...nice...pretty cool, bud...

...ya, ol' gordie's a national treasure in the greatwhite north...

bikesgonewild said...

...you know...like bob & doug mackenzie, ehhh ???...

babble on said...

Izzis the Pervs r Us meeting, then? Hi my name is babbles and I love all things sexy.

Yeah, Gord's alright, but this is our best national treasure, fer sure.

McFly said...

Babble I swear on Sheldon Brown's bandana that my buddy Aaron is dating a girl that looks just like you. She is 45, smokin and in shape. SHAPE. I even know she rambles on quite a bit cause she was junior's 3rd grade teacher.

They have not entered freakytimes in their courtship yet so I cannot verify any direct coorelation but it just might be that you have a doppleganger.

babble on said...

Yuppers, so I've been told. Must be cause I'm so baaaaaaaaad. ;)

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I spent many a summer day out on the great lake Erie fishing with my old man in the 70's and 80's. That Edmund Fitzgerald song left an indelible mark in my mind. Always liked GL.

Frilly said...

+1 on your rub-a-dub-dub limerick, bgw.

Nicely done. You caught McFly's essence perfectly.

Boston has a small member and makes up for it with the crabon said...

oh - so when I comment about comments I get all cockslapped and when bikesgonewild comments about comments it's ok because boobies on recumbent? screw you guys.

McFly said...

I'm just a dirty white boy...

Dirty white boooooyyyy...

I'm just a dirty white boy...

Dirty white booooooyyyy...

Some girls don't like boys like me,
Awwww but some girls do..

Boston Fred EPO speedwagon said...

and you see what I have to put up with?

nothing but "erudite" bike pr0n up in flicking beantown. I have to go all the way to satan's rectum (aka, what NYC smells like) to get irreverence.

Steven Douche'berg said...

my latest cinematic triumph ...

'The Day Rob Ford Fell Off Of The Earth' ...

XXX

3D

ce said...

False. The Earth would fall off of Rob Ford.

Anonymous said...

I hear Fords has been signed by the Eagles.

cycle

Art VanDelay said...

Babble On,
I want to be your latex salesman.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Essence of McFly

"It'll drive that special lady crazy"

available at these fine retailers just in time for Christmas.

Anonymous said...

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/story/2012/11/25/toronto-ford-conflict-case-decision-release.html?cmp=rss

babble on said...

HA!!! There is justice.

let's celebrate

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

After screwing up my back on the last ride of the season, I can honestly say that nothing beats a legal high. Percocet and muscle relaxants make the day better. Much better.

cycle

Bikes|Accessories|Components and Parts Supplies said...

it was inspiring wednesday...

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