Friday, November 2, 2012

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

In trying times like these even the most worldly people look for inspiration, and amid all the terrible post-storm news I found myself turning to the fortune cookie:


I found this message tremendously reassuring, and it was nicely complemented by the reverse side of the fortune:


Really, if you're able to 1) depend on the predictability and stability of life;  and 2) ask for the restroom in any language, I daresay you're 99% of the way to total happiness.

However, this doesn't mean you won't be tested along the way.  For example, yesterday I finally ventured out into the wider world, and the first thing I noticed were the fuel lines.  As you're probably heard, the entire metropolitan area is pretty much out of gas, and lines are stretching for miles:


The cars on the left are all waiting for gas, and as you can see they disappear into the horizon.  After taking the above photo I then turned my Surly Big Dummy smugness flotilla around and followed the line to the actual gas station:



I also held my phone vertically while filming because that's how it's easy to hold a phone while you're riding a bike and I don't realize it until after I've finished, but if you'd still like to register a formal complaint you may do so here.

This is not to say that there are lines at all area gas stations.  Some actually have no lines at all, except when you get to the pump you'll see this:


I "tweeted" the above image and an astute person pointed out that the last person to use the pump got himself or herself a whopping dime's worth of gas, and I like to think that somewhere in Brooklyn someone is walking around with a spring in his or her step and a very full Zippo.

Meanwhile, bike traffic on the Manhattan Bridge moved briskly, at least in the mid-afternoon when I took this video:



You may notice a clanging sound.  Ordinarily that would be the subway that runs over the bridge, but currently subways aren't running over the bridge so in this case it's actually my Big Dummy.  This is because I carry about fourteen feet of chain, a tambourine, and silverware for twenty at all times.  This could be why at least three people mistook me for a Q train and tried to board me.

Anyway, it's easy to be smug about riding around town unfettered while everybody else sits in their cars waiting for gas, until you realize that taxis need gas, and car services need gas, and buses need gas, and police need gas, and rescue workers need gas, and the trucks that deliver our food need gas, and generators need gas, and before you know it the person next to you looks like they'll make for pretty succulent eating and you contemplate killing them and stuffing them in your freezer just in case.  

Nevertheless, as far as commuting goes in New York City the bicycle is certainly the way to go.  Obviously this is the case even when the city hasn't been ravaged by a giant storm, but apparently it takes a natural disaster for people to catch on:

Until Sandy hit the average New Yorker thought the purpose of bike lanes was to irritate drivers, but now people are figuring out they actually help you go places.  Also, physics dictates that any Wall Street Journal article has a mirror image in the New York Times, and vice versa, and this one is no exception:


By the way, it's always interesting to learn about occupations you never knew existed:

Thomas Jarrels, 46, who biked home to Crown Heights from his job as a sous-chef at a Midtown law firm, said he was glad to have had an impetus to bike to work.

If you've ever had the wind knocked out of you by a legal bill now you know it's because you're supporting a law firm and a fully-staffed restaurant.  (Even so they'll still decide to dine out, and they'll charge you for that too.)

Of course, if you appreciate the maneuverability of a bicycle yet you still want to be reliant on fossil fuels, you can always opt for a vintage moped instead:


If I were him I'd cut the line at the gas station by hiding both myself and my diminutive moped in the trunk of a fueling car.  Then, when I heard the distinctive click of the full gas tank I'd leap out, top off my flatulent fop chariot, and sputter triumphantly back into the bike lane where I'd continue to irritate bicyclists and asphyxiate them with my two-stroke exhaust.

Besides fuel lines, the other hallmark of the storm has been downed trees, and crews were hard at work clearing Prospect Park:


For the most part city officials have received high marks for their storm preparation, and this photo is a good example of their foresight:


I don't know how they knew to cut those limbs off before it fell over, but that Bloomberg must be some kind of tree psychic.

But not all fallen objects were blown down by the storm, such as this speed limit sign:


While this may look like the work of Sandy, it actually blew over last week when actor Russell Crowe blasted by it at just over 14 mph.

You'd think a 15 mph sign could withstand a wind gust of just over 14 mph, but apparently not--at least not when the source of the gust is the guy from "A Beautiful Mind."

Still, despite the debris people all over Brooklyn were riding bicycles:


Although some put on bikey hats and bikey shorts only to realize they didn't own bicycles, and then decided, "Fuck it, I'll just walk:"


Yes, it's definitely a good time to get around by bike:


Although it's also definitely a good time to get "doored" by people stepping out of taxis:


Best of all, there's plenty of bike-spotting to do, since anything with two wheels has been pressed into service:


And so, for that matter, has anything with only one wheel:


As I rode I found my spirits being lifted, but then came a harsh reminder of the storm's devastating power when I encountered an obstacle I simply could not overcome:


I called 311, and then I called 911, and then I called FEMA, but incredibly nobody came to help me.  Ultimately I was forced to flag down a passing motorist, whom I paid $100 to tow my Big Dummy around the obstacle.  A lot has been written about the willingness of New Yorkers to help each other in times of crisis, and it was certainly on display at that moment--especially when he agreed to take the bulk of the payment in pennies and nickels.  (I always carry hundreds of dollars in coins on my Big Dummy in case of emergency, because in a disaster you can only trust metal currency.)

As I approached the Manhattan Bridge I began to grow nervous.  Sure, I've seen plenty of Cat 6 races in my day, but with the subways down and gasoline scarce I knew the field would be deep and that this would be a race like no other.  Even a block from the bridge riders were sprinting across crosswalks for primes:


And they're off!


As I drew closer, my knees knocking, chalk markings told the pedestrians where to go:


And the beards came fast and furious:



Front racks were laden with smugness:


Aaah!  More beards!


I'm not sure at what point I actually wet myself in fear, but it might have been when this guy flashed me his race face:


By the way, I shouldn't have to tell you that the pedestrians were completely undeterred by the diminutive chalk lettering:




You have to be careful making your way around them lest you collide head-on with descending riders fresh off the KOM at the middle of the span:


One day I'm going to stand up there handing out copies of La Gazzetta dello Sport for them to stuff down their shirts:


And it wasn't just bikes, either:


Note the "We are all related" stencil.  I guess that would explain why we all look so funny.

Finally, I reached the Manhattan side of the bridge, where power has been out for days:


And then I promptly turned around in fear lest someone identify me as a person from the lit side of the bridge and try to charge their iPhone in one of my orifices.

By the way, there's been a lot of criticism of all the riders who aren't using lights, but this guy was making up for all of them:


Speaking of criticism, Jonathan Maus of BikePortland is still in New York and continuing his excellent coverage, and he recently posted a post-Sandy Williamsburg Bridge bike commuter pictorial.  Apparently Portlanders are a pretty insecure lot, at least judging from comments like these:

cold worker November 1, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Looks like regular people dressed regular. Yay for no spandex, sure. Meh, overall.

Atbman November 1, 2012 at 4:52 pm
I haven't seen that many Weinmann brakes since the 70s

Editz November 1, 2012 at 5:51 pm
#28 A Lannister always rides his bike.

The last one in particular seemed pretty unnecessary.  

In any case, it was good to see people riding, and hopefully all the people still without power will be back online soon.  In the meantime, many of us will experience mixed emotions, such as frustration at trucks blocking the bike lane and the street, yet relief that they are delivering the food which we need to live:





We do deserve the best, but what we actually get is another matter.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a short quiz.  As always, study the question, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see intellectuals.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and speedy recovery.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





("Why is the key in a shoe?")

1) Lance Armstrong is losing the key to which city?

--Austin
--Athens
--Adelaide
--Ashley Olson's Pantytown








2) Greg LeMond does not use Twitter.

--True
--False






3) This style of bicycle is called:

--"Prone"
--"Up-cumbent"
--"Ass over tea kettle"
--"Half-finished"





(Woman comforts baby after near-miss as Russell Crowe shreds the crosswalk.)

4) What is the exact speed at which Russell Crowe begins crowing about how fast he is?

--46 mph
--46 kph
--14.4 mph
--14.4 kph






5) In which state has flooding led rampant salmoning in the streets?

--New York
--New Jersey
--Connecticut
--Washington



138 comments:

samh said...

AYHSMB.

babble on said...

Hello!

Paul Bowen said...

Podium!

Anonymous said...

Podium?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No comment.

Anonymous said...

Arse!

Leifer said...

top ten

theEel said...

weed!!!

Anonymous said...

10?

babble on said...

...can't...breathe...still...laughing...*!*

Anonymous said...

Leather!

Paul Bowen said...

...and I would have done it too, if it hadn't been for those pesky salmon!

Another great week rtms, thank you; have a nice weekend one and all.

Anonymous said...

Top.... Oh wait, never mind.

Anonymous said...

oooOOOooo, top 20....

Off for a read now!

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Aced the quiz.
Now to go get a life.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I LMAO. Thanks snob good stuff.

"Ass over tea kettle" +1

Comment deleted said...

Flatulent fop chariot FTW.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know it was Friday until I reached the quiz!

Thanks again, Snobby!

JD0g said...

Actual salmoning depicted

Anonymous said...

Bike Kill IX's location in close proximity to a Home Depot parking lot is effing with my mind.

Poor Peepaw was just heading in to pick up a faucet washer and saw the hell spawned conflagration next door. More Fox News for Peepaw, STAT!

Anonymous said...

Did race the posts today. Busy ordering a generator online. Hope they can email it to me.

cycle

babble on said...

mmmm, you look succulent...

Oh wait. I'm not NYPD blue.

wishiwasmerckx said...

NYC is fond of naming its neighborhoods, and yesterday Jon Stewart named power-still-out downtown "Little North Korea."

leroy said...

Aced the quiz until the last question.

I asked my dog why he couldn't get us dinner like that pooch in the Washington video.

He told me there was no way he was putting his mouth on anything rushing by him in waters cascading down a NYC Street.

Made sense.

But he isn't that fussy about handouts elsewhere. He always says yes to the free coffee TA is handing out on the bridges. Next time someone asks about his breed, I'm going to tell them he's a Brooklyn Schnorrer.

Ride safe and dry all!

Anonymous said...

artisinal axes comin in handy yow!

TREE DOWN

babble on said...

Fuck yer funny...

You outdid yourself today, snobby-poo. Just one question...

If you don't pay your legal bills, does the sous-chef roast your succulent ass over a spit and serve you for lunch?

And you're right. We do deserve the best, but what we get is something else entirely

babble on said...

ALL that facial hair...

we ALL look funny...???!!!???

AAAAAAAAAACCCKKK!!! I have a recurring nightmare that I misspent my youth in an East German training camp, and left a bearded lady.

McFly said...

I have plenty of gas today. What I call the "Hot Farts". Those kinds you can't let while you are walking lest you may find residual poo on your scranus. You have to stop and pretend like you are looking at something...then ease out...then ease off.

McFly said...

Pool Table Green skirts are soooooooooooooooo vexing.

McFly said...

MY2B ALLS

CRNR PCKT

RANTWICK said...

And then I promptly turned around in fear lest someone identify me as a person from the lit side of the bridge and try to charge their iPhone in one of my orifices.

Awesome, Snob. Really.

Anonymous said...

Dude it's too late - Maus made you his bitch in your own town and that's that!

Anonymous said...

Flatulent fop chariots, your grace, but that's good spondee!

babble on said...

McFly should be able to help those people looking for an orifice to plug their phones into. He says his generator has plenty of gas...

crosspalms said...

I had to click on "Ashley Olson's Pantytown" because it made me laugh. Now that I've watched the intellectuals, I'm pretty sure we're not all related.

Anonymous said...

That second video almost made me lose my organic mushroom-spinach pizza. Next time let Vito hold the camera.

Well, I'm off to pantytown. Don't worry, I' wearing a helent.



balls™

singlespeedwaster said...

Getting quizzical in testing times. America can indeed rebound from natural disasters, and seek out unnatural versions of same.

babble on said...

Crosspalms... Good point. There's no way I'm related to anything intellectual.

dcee604 said...

Is this Cycle Chic New York???

babble on said...

Yep, it's the "fuck it, I'll just walk" brand of cycle chic.

Anonymous said...

MId-pack fodder, but great read, Mr. Snob.
THANKS!!

mikeweb said...

I found out from someone yesterday that even if it's not raining, to ride the bus you have to be punched in the face first.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Long Live Bike Kill!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I too find the "ass over kettle" choice to be both hilarious and full of hilarity of hilarious nature.


That video was awesome - Noam Chomsky, Larry Summers, Malcolm Gladwell and Gary Kasparov for sure.

I also think I saw Vaclev Havel and Salman Rushide.

Can anyone confirm? Who are some of the others?

jno62 said...

I don't know Snobby. Reads a lot like "journalism" to me!

Peace!

Anonymous said...

Video of a fool in some sewage:

http://www.motherjones.com/blue-marble/2012/11/riding-storm-messenger-bike-entrails-hurricane-sandy

Flatulent Fop said...

My chariot is flatulent as well, thanks to those epic burritos.

Anonymous said...

Good Lob, what a generous post for a Friday.

Every time I see a Moped from now on I'm going to think of Snob.

Anonymous said...

2 things:

McFly--do not linger close to me please.

dcee604--Weird, I thought New Yorkers would be better dressed.

Anonymous said...

I always click the link to the rich kidding yacht-people, despite knowing what will come.

Have been right all the time.

Guess that's my permanent fun-quiz.

Thanks & love from the communist-mile-people!

What to call irate peoples waiting in service sta lin said...

gas holes

brie The Staten Island Fairy said...

LOST - one bejeweled anal bagge de douche' last seen traveling south by southwest on New York Bay.

Perry said...

Donde esta casa de pepe?

Dooth said...

Holy Merde! Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne,

Bernard-Henri Lévy on the triple-decker tall bike!

BHL to us fellow ineffectuals er, intellectuals.

echuck said...

Snobbie, you got your ass handed to you at 1:03 during the epic bridge crossing "footy."

Just sprayin'...

BIKE MORE

leroy said...

DadoOne -- My dog claims he saw Mr. Peabody in that video.

Apparently, they go way back.

(mikeweb -- hope you ducked.)

Sherman said...

I'd have been in the video but I had to hold the camera.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike Snob, excellent blog today. No potty mouth, no controversy, just a positive, respectful and relevant report of a good ride at a tough time. Speaking of gas shortages isn't it ironic that the "tour" riders have chase cars. Should the "Tour" come back, what would happen if there was a gas shortage during the "Tour?" Do you think the organizers have reserves of gas at the ready or electric cars standing by? I have a possible solution for the “Tour.” Each team has to have, as a member of the Team, a Bikfiets “chase bike” and rider that must finish the race. It would make the race more palatable for those who have environmental concerns and perhaps add a bit of humility the bike racing scene in general. Food for thought.

crosspalms said...

With a name like Bike Kill, Martin Amis had to be in the video.

Anonymous Coward said...

#34 from the bike portland pics appears to be the mythical single speed with a pie plate. Not sure if the chain guard disqualifies it for consideration.

crosspalms said...

Leroy,
The New Yorker seems to be looking for your dog. Or his Tweets, anyway.

Anonymous Coward said...

Crosspalms, at least they're not looking for his teats.

leroy said...

Anon 4:22 -- My dog asked me to congratulate you with a hearty "Fuck, yeah!"

I have no idea what he means by that.

Crosspalms: Oh hell no. No way am I getting him a Twitter Account. We're not suited for a medium best served via mobile devices. I'm all thumbs and he's no thumbs at all.

Heading home through downtown Manhattan now. My dog says it shouldn't be a big deal given all the time I spend in the dark anyway.

For a dog, he sure does like to Cat 6 on the Manhattan Bridge.

Anonymous said...

More potty mouth or ima you know what.

JD0g said...

Just saw David "no car (just a citroen)" Byrne
on the Colbert Report. His new music makes me wish he'd just stick to what he's best at:
Making bike racks.

McFly said...

I totally feels your pains up there with the power outage. We had a transformer pop the other evening and went nigh on 35 minutes before they had it back on. I had to reset the clocks on the microwave AND the coffee maker. I was pissed. We were real close to lighting the Epic SexyTimes Candles for survival uses but they would not fire up without Barry White playing. Which would take electricity. That we did not have. For OVER HALF A DAMN HOUR.

Anonymous Coward said...

Sadly, on further inspection I was wrong about #34 having a pie plate.
Oh we'll, ride safe all.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Re: the first picture - for the love of G-d, can one of you New Yorkers PLEASE take Mr. Weiss out for a manny-peddy, and perhaps throw in a Brazilian while you are at it, just for good measure?

Those ragged cuticles need some serious attention.

Leave the Light on said...

Just watched an episode of Criminal Minds. Woman had some men chained up in a barn.
Thought of Babble.

Anonymous said...

Brooklyn should be re-named. The lycra clad pedestrian is the tipping point in the old boro's long ride. I'm sick of hearing "I'm from Brooklyn" from someone who spent 99% of his/her life elsewhere. Give it up! Your lack of an accent is pathetic and provincial (ironically). AND STOP WEARING GARMENTS WITH BROOKLYN LETTERING! Throw all those t-shirts and sweatshirts away...now! Ima put two in ya if ya don't.

wishiwasmerckx said...

How is it that I have lived well into middle age without discovering that there is a town in Canada called "South Dildo?" I suppose that is where Babble On must reside.

On a related note, I once drove through Intercourse, Pennsylvania. My wife let me come in on the back road.

Anonymous said...

As I avoid studying on this Friday night, I will go ahead, be the fanatic, and say that we are getting glimpses of what American will be like in 20 years.

Nice field work today, Snobbie. Such good work you're getting transferred to a concerning a Mr. Sergeant Brody. . .

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

Portrait orientated video! Russell Crowe's going to punch you in the head.

Russell "Calf Muscle" Crowe doesn't actually mind The Pap in general, he just really hates sloppy camera skillzzz... and of course he has no tolerance for slow pricks. Really, you are in deep water with this whole "I wanna be a real reporter" kick. And also you are in deep water.

ce said...

Sorry if that was insensitive to those affected by the disaster... or should I say Just Kidding

leroy said...

Anon 11:06 PM --

My dog insists that I ask you to recommend a good place for pasta and gelato in Bay Ridge. Preferably someplace in tune with the locovore movement. (Artisanal honey from a Williamsburg apiary a plus.)

I don't know what this is about. He usually prefers BBQ.

EvoDavo said...

Shouldn't Adelaide be worried that Lance will make a duplicate key before giving back his key to the city? If they are truly worried about security, they should change the locks to the city and then give new keys to the people they want to have them.

Anonymous said...

Leroy 6:13 And Anon: 6:35, you missed the point. Potty mouth is appropriate in some cases such as when you talk about FEMA, but not when discussing the suffering caused by a disaster. BSNYC gets it. Leroy: shame on you putting words in your dog’s mouth. Dogs are pure at heart and would not swear. Someone or something has to make up for we humans over riding lack of class, and dogs got the call. You know the old saying about dog spelled backwards.

babble on said...

Chained in a barn? I wonder what her moootive was?

babble on said...

JDog - I could watch st vincent for hours, though. She's hot.

Anonymous said...

Q: What is the difference between Babblo On and a trampoline?

A: You are expected to take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.

babble on said...

wiwm... HA! Thank you! That's fantastic. You've gotta love this place...

Apparently there used to be a spot here on the BC coast named Penis Peninsula, but it was only a local moniker, not an official name.

heh heh

Can you imagine? "Yeah, I'm from South Dildo. It's a stunning spot..."

Nice place to go for a ride, anyway.

Anonymous said...

You might enjoy this hilarious South Park episode based on the Lance Armstrong crisis:
http://t.co/EKsvg4oB

(it’s a canadian link, so it might not work elsewhere in the world. So for those interested its the South Park episode 1613, “A Scause for Applause”)

Enjoy!

McFly said...

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=4133494768874&set=a.1572866474767.2075237.1028688529&type=1&theater&notif_t=like



PODIO!!!(A real live one)

leroy said...

Anon 12:23 PM --

You're not fooling anyone. You're one of my dog's riding buddies messing with me.

Like that time you guys pretended to be PETA protesters because I didn't stock enough Cheetos for the dog show after the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

You guys still owe me a television to replace the one you threw beer cans at.

Anon 11:06 said...

Leroy, precious pup you got there...Bay Ridge, Marone! I haven't been there since my Disco Days.

Anonymous said...

Portlanders are a tremendously insecure lot - I mentioned in passing to a particularly smug portlandiander that an east coast city - Cambridge MA - has a higher % of bike mode share than them, and I got an open hand slap to the face along with a shrill cry of "blasphemy!"

After I recovered I said that Cambridge was also far more weird, smug, and elitist than Portland ever hopes to be, the Portlanderner curled into the fetal position and started sobbing. I had to give him some vegan muffins to calm him down. I didn't have the heart to tell him that they were made by a roving band of vegan socialist bicycle gypsies that give hugs to random strangers in harvard square.

africansinle said...

What the hell is this with vegans? (pronounced "vagins" in the UK, I've been told), sowing dissent and confusion as to the exact nature of their diet.
Is Cipo a sebaceous "vagin" after all?

AddictedToCycling said...

Vegans are a special breed of cyclists: they dont eat meat, they dont ride gears, and dont wear helmets :).

Rebels without a cause.
...just my 2 cents

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Anonymous said...

A friend sent me this link with the subject line "More wheeled craziness".

<a href="http://es-us.deportes.yahoo.com/blogs/desde-redacci%C3%B3n/descendi%C3%B3-3-mil-metros-en-una-rueda.html> Oh. my. God.</a>

Anonymous said...

Let's try this again, shall we?

A friend sent me this link with the subject line "More wheeled craziness".

Oh. my. God.

Anonymous said...

Tilfords not too cool for a fred ride.

Anonymous said...

Leroy, sorry, I've never been to Manhattan or New York for that matter and I would remember riding with a dog from New York. Major Fupah, not taking Cheetos to the dog show, but I know he didn't cuss you out over it. Not even under his breath.

McFly said...

If want to ride with dogs just come on down to West Tenn. I rode with 9 today. 5 nice, 1 undecided, and 3 decided I was a percieved threat. #cleat2thenose

Dooth said...

I rode my track bike--not a fixie: an honest-to-goodness-lugged steel brakeless track bike--around a track. Round and round for about two hours; the track circling the circumference of a large ball playing field. I was afraid of getting ticketed; bikes are prohibited on the ball fields, and on an adjacent kids' playground...I had a few joggers to delicately pass, but I had the luxury of a couple of hundred car-free yards to hammer. Once I was done, I walked home.

leroy said...

Anyone know where I can get some good raw plastic material?

It's not for me. It's for a friend.

Sam Waynewright said...

HEE HAW! I got some.

wiwm said...

99th...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th!

babble on said...

Leroy - Yup.

Anonymous said...

Rode in Chickamauga battlefield a few months ago. I didn't see any dogs, but saw lots of civil war canons, monuments, and pristine landscape. A truely wonderful place to ride.

Anonymous said...

Worth a read:

http://www.londoncyclist.co.uk/raf-pilot-teach-cyclists/

Xiao Dong said...

about isabel marant sneakers: http://www.isabelmarantcybershop.com

Anonymous said...

When it rains babble doesn't take the bus. She just puts on her slicker and big furry boots.

Anonymous said...

Notice Crowe's bodyguard trailing him? Movie stars need paparazzi protection...must be nice having someone to watch your back. Crowe must have crazy fans. Celebrity is Faustian bargain fit for a prick.

Anonymous said...

Babble got super wet this weekend.

Anonymous said...

And then at the heighth of her wetness her man started taking pictures and videos of her. From behind.

babble on said...

...and it was good. :)

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liambloggs said...

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Anonymous said...

dude! you must be, like, friggin ancient! rusty soda canz?

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Everyone knows Citibank designs the best bikes

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