Friday, October 12, 2012

BSNYC Friday Cat Pee!

As a sarcastic bike blogger I like to think that I have a pretty good eye for parody, but the truth is that as time goes on I find myself increasingly unable to identify it.  This could be because our culture has become more finely nuanced in the digital age, but more likely it's just because I'm getting old and ossified.  Either way, the point is that I have no idea if this "Pop-Up Espresso-oh Party!" in Brooklyn (via this blog) is real or not:


If it's a parody it's very funny, and if it's real it's very offensive, but I guess it doesn't really matter since either way it's highly entertaining.  Basically, the author has just moved to Bedford-Stuyvesant, and he's disappointed that there aren't enough similar-minded douchebags following him.  This, he posits, would be remedied if there were more twee coffee houses:

And Bed-Stuy, my current living location, could learn a few things from Starbucks and the Greeks. The infrastructure and layout of Bed-Stuy is no different from other parts of the city. Apartment blocks, storefronts, parks, “walk-up” brownstones with the quintessential New York fire escape, it is all there. So what is missing,  Why is the area still not one which people flock to when looking for apartments?  Why the fuck can I not get a decent coffee? Well, simply put, there is no where to get one. And this is the basis for exploration and investigation. Can neighborhood perception, pride, and responsibility be transformed through quality espresso?

Yes. Espresso. Coffee even. Coffee is the problem and the answer.

If this is indeed parody then he's capturing the voice of the enamored transplant quite well.  ("Ooh, fire escapes!  How urban!")  He also takes that crucial extra step, which is to subtly insult and demean the people who have lived there for generations:

What Bed-Stuy needs is more community members, not merely people who reside there. The most widely recognized catalyst for this transition has historically been…coffee. Coffee creates the trickle down effect every community needs. If a community cares enough to demand a decent cup, that is a community that cares enough to make real changes.

As Malcolm Gladwell famously outlined in his book “Outliers” it is a broken window theory. If you let small details slip, such as allowing graffiti to go unchecked, then the whole community will slowly devolve into more serious crime and disrepair. A similar route is true on the other end. A community focused enough on small details, especially coffee, will bring with it larger issues, eventually lowering crime rates, lowering drop-out rates, and reducing the number of sexually transmitted diseases. In the end, this leaves all participants with a higher value community, one which people would love to call home.

If people really care about their situation, they can take steps to improve it. It is not easy, but effort over time shares. Will every single member of a community contribute to it, no.  But some will. Change Agents as they are sometimes called, whatever label you give them, they increase and maintain the value of the community.

So how can we change Bed-Stuy (and all under-serviced areas?) Action. Bitching about the espresso. Demanding a higher quality of not only coffee, but life.

Profiling an entire community as sexually transmitted disease-addled dropouts?  Sure.  Pricing families out of the neighborhood in order to save them?  Absolutely.  Implying they're not involved in their community because they don't drink expensive coffee?  Naturellement.  But here's the best part:

Proceeds from the event will be used to plant new flower beds around the trees on Patchen Street.

Now that's what I call "giving back."

Anyway, if anyone's brave enough to actually go to this thing I'd love to know if it's for real, though go at your own risk because I'm pretty sure it's an ambush.  I also agree with the writer that "gentrification" has acquired a negative connotation, and that's why from now on we should call it what it is, which is "Portlandification."  Yes, I realize I'm getting old and ossified, but parody or not the attitude embodied in the espresso post has become palpable throughout much of Brooklyn.  It's gotten to the point where living here makes me feel all squirmy and uncomfortable, like I'm wearing someone else's dirty pants.  Then again, I guess it could be worse, and I could be living in San Francisco next-door to Mike Giant, as played by Philip Seymour Hoffman in this cringeworthy interview:


Mike Giant - Philosophy on life from sidewalktalk.dk on Vimeo.

This too flirts confusingly with the line between sincerity and parody.  Giant is highly skilled at copying and selling gang graffiti, but he's less adept when it comes to matters of history.  "Recently the city has changed a lot," says Giant of San Francisco, because "the young people who are moving here are hoping to make a million dollars."  I'm not sure this is a new development.  Wasn't San Francisco the commercial hub of the Gold Rush?  I also enjoyed the part where he explained that he's trying to make less money.  Perhaps Mitt Romney should try that line in order to endear himself to the middle-class voter.  "I'm doing my gosh-darn best not to make more money but whatever I do the stuff just keeps coming at me in gobs!"  Actually, I'm pretty sure this entire interview was scripted by Christopher Guest.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong you'll see "Screaming Song" by The Bicycling Guitarist.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you go to the pop-up espresso party I recommend wearing a helment.


--Wildcat Rock Machine






1) The USADA's reasoned decision report will surely usher in a new era of honesty and integrity in professional cycling and ensure a clean future for the next generation of riders.

--True







(At the height of the fixie craze, a tight "collabo" bike could win you an election.)

2) Forget debates.  Which politician would be most likely to win a trackstanding competition?

--Barack Obama
--Joe Biden
--Paul Ryan
--Mitt Romney







(À la recherche du temps fondue.)

3) Fill in the blank: "Absence makes the heart grow _____."







("My other bike is a car.")

4) David Byrne drives a:









("Please stop mentioning me.")

5) David Byrne wears clogs and drives around shirtless in a Buick station wagon with a big Campagnolo logo on it.

--True







(Premium Cush: "Soft seat, two brakes.  Can't go fast, don't want to.")

6) According to an Australian newspaper, this bike is "a popular choice for couriers."

--True








7) "Entertainment" doesn't get much more smug than:

--A vegan hot dog-eating contest
--A freegan game show called "Whole Foods Dumpster Sweep"
--A human-powered improvisational play about bicycle network planning
--A re-imagining of Peter Shaffer's "Equus" with bikes instead of horses





***Special Pundit-Venturing-Dangerously-Outside-The-Area-Of-His-Expertise-Themed Bonus Question***



(I'm using this picture ironically.)

"So, what if we thought about Lance and competitive cycling as auto racing. It's on three levels: you got a bike, you got a driver, and you got science. When you look at what Lance is alleged to have done, basically he was better than everyone else at using PEDs. He was the guy who sat down and was rigorous and focused and thoughtful and intelligent and cutting edge in how to use them, and apply them and make himself better. Like, I don't know, so is that a bad thing? He's being rewarded for being the best at his game. It was an element in the competition, and he used that element better than anyone else.

"Why don't we just make that a part of the definition of what it means to be a great bicyclist?"

Who said this?

--Bob Costas
--Malcolm Gladwell
--Bill Maher
--Bill Nye the Science Guy



149 comments:

Anonymous said...

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

ding ding!

Anonymous said...

yes finally ZOD wins.

McFly said...

I race Cyclocross to meet chicks, nurses mostly.

Anonymous said...

Feels better than I thought it might have, without any sort of attendant pangs of shame. (ZOD)

Anonymous said...

I swear I wasn't hanging around refreshing here for the last five minutes. (ZOD)

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Top ten!

Anonymous said...

The air really is rarefied up here on top the podium. (ZOD)

Anonymous said...

Top ten's okay too, really. (ZOD)

Anonymous said...

doped my way into top 10!

Anonymous said...

Will quit while I'm still loved, ahead, etc. (ZOD)

JB said...

Top 12?

babble on said...

Oooooh goosebumps!! It's like we wore the same outfit today, snobbers... Outliers is in my post today too...

Oh shit. My post. I still haven't finished my post!

McFly said...

I can attest that coffee most definately causes the trickle-down effect.

Anonymous said...

Shitstorm

Anonymous said...

I didn't make the podium, but everyone who posted before me was doping.

mikeweb said...

Is that John Eustice in the Campy station wagon photo?

Captain Hardbread said...

OSSI FIED

Anonymous said...

Bed-Stuy guy: Somebody PLEASE mug his ass!

Anonymous said...

Giant DOUCHE.

mikeweb said...

That Bed-Stuy coffee thing reads like it was written by the NYPD, possibly commissioner Kelly himself. Probably a set up to nail a bunch of over-caffeinated hilpsters blowing like 4 or 5 red lights in a row on their way to or from the 'event'. The city treasury needs the money you know.

Anonymous said...

Top Twenty ??

Blog Drafter said...

Velo News has been far more entertaining than Snob the past few days.

...just sayin

crosspalms said...

Pepper spray is science, too, but if I used it to win the TdF I'm not sure Gladwell would applaud me.

Captain Hardbread said...

oh boy you can't make this shit up

JB said...

According to an Australian newspaper, this bike is "a popular choice for couriers.

They also state that it has an "internal gear hub." Apparently it has a back-up shifting system consisting of a derailler and an 8-speed cassette. Couriers would never be without a second way to shift.

Anonymous Coward said...

I like the un-ironic ironic type face choices on that poster.

C'mon man slap some Papyrus on that thing.

POPU PPRS

Anonymous said...

Also "EXpresso"

Anonymous said...

Blog Drafter is that really you? (ZOD)

g-roc said...

He equated Starbucks to decent coffee - has to be parody. Or mikeweb could be onto something with the entrapment angle - cops will swill any pot of caffeinated mud. Either way, definitely not legit.

Anonymous said...

You can't ever tell...

http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Poe's_Law

wishiwasmerckx said...

I'm not sure how coffee reduces the rate of STD's.

Perhaps you insert your erect member into the steaming hot cup-o-joe, thereby rendering you incapable of performing with a woman?

Anonymous said...

Portlandification?
Not . Even. Close.
Your Bed-Sty guy and your Brooklyn have and are continuing to refine and expand the concept of Gentrification.
Portland is a calm sea compared to the tempest that exists in parts of NYC today. Yours is the galactic center of community destruction, a super massive black hole of change.

Take back what you said. Take it back or I'm telling.

Fred Nifacent said...

There are two basic rules to live by, I dont need a 4 minute presentation on a vimeo:
Rule #1 Don't be a dick
Rule #2 Don't forget rule #1
For those who need this explained in detail:
I don't care what you do as long as you:
#1 don't F up my commute, and;
#2 don't cost me any money.
see how simple it can be?

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Brutally punishing wrong answer vid today. Yikes!

Anonymous said...

Totally ace'ed the quiz [as far as you and the USADA know, damn the "testimony" to the contrary]. Out of curiosity, clicked on "Babble On's" blog link, and found a POEM! I was confused because the poem actually rhymed [not that new-age free-verse stuff]. Adjacent, was a photo of killer calves. Bookmark! Ha! Way to end the workweek...

Anonymous said...

If they really had their act together, the Bed-Stuy idiots would rig up a human-powered version of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewRjZoRtu0Y

that sold espresso instead of sandwiches.

mikeweb said...

If Chris Guest did direct that video, what would he call it?

"Waiting for Doucheman"

"This is Douche Bag"

"Best in Douche"

??

Anonymous said...

Buick guy is Bill Woodul, legend.

Bicycling Guitarist is like Kurt Cobain never died.

Anonymous said...

Stuff like that espresso party is why i live in Queens and avoid going to Brooklyn at all costs. You should come try it out sometime Snob.

McFly said...

Forget the espresso. I know what that place needs. And I have the perscription. MORE. COW. BELL. More cow bell. A fuckload of it.

leroy said...

mikeweb -- I think one of those guys with the Campagnolo station wagon is BGW. ... Just sayin'...

(special ... ellipsis ... shout... out...)

Fnarf said...

Malcolm Gladwelled twice in one post. You're a cruel man, Wildcat.

Anonymous said...

Who ever said "being gainfully employed is better than being fascinating" is right. But there's nothing worse than to be unemployed and unfasinating. The boozo in the video proves that. But we live in a free country. Ah the blessings of the social welfare state. Actually his salvation lies in Portland.

SF Resident said...

The guy in the video has it all wrong. The reason I live in SF is because of my high paying job that allows me to own a loft in a nice area, drive my Mercedes Benz, and buy Crabon Fibre bikes.

Hmmm... Nevermind.

leroy said...

My dog says he'll be happy to water the new flower beds on Patchen Street.

As long as no one's testing the water.

But neither of us are brave enough to go to that espresso pop up.

Still bad memories of something similar in Williamsburg turning out to be a slick ruse to get you inside one of those mitzvah tanks.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Dear Anon 1:45, how about I break off my high quality sheepskin boot in your ass?

wishiwasmerckx said...

I actually own a pair of those exact same clogs as the guy in the Campy Buick photo. Ah, the classics never go out of style...

SF Resident said...

Seriously though. Who can afford to own in SF? Not me I'm trying to make less money too.

Big Gulps huh?

Welp, see ya later...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:25pm,

Sorry, but they're coming for you too.

Glad I got out in '83.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

bikevcar said...

"all the cool kids are doing it"

Who can resist that sort of peer pressure? Somebody get me an exxxpresso quick

Anonymous said...

I think Zod has joined the 47% today and has no job and all the time in the wuurld

babble on said...

KK. Whew... could do with some EPO today!

Done.

Adsense hates me anyway, so I've thrown caution to the wind. Don't open this at work.

babble on said...

um... wishiwasamerkx? hot coffee... burned member...?

Eeeeeeew.

McFly? Trickle down effect? That was fucking McFunny.

McFly said...

I wanna smell your finger.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

thanks RTMS, for managing to fcuk up a perfectly good friday with that bed-stuy piece. i never wear a helment, but i sure as hell wont leave home w/o one now.

oh, and shitstorms are fun. that arrogant bastard is now the face of shitstorms instead of the face of cancer survival. mike giant made me say that.

grog said...

I'm getting old and ossified.
Singletrack this weekend.
Oh babe.

Anonymous said...

David Foster Wallace is alive, playing the guitar and living in Roseburg, Oregon.
That video proves it.

babble on said...

mmm the sweet smell of skittles...

mikeweb said...

leroy, I believe you're correct on the bgw CampBuicgnolo sighting. Strange though that the car isn't filled with a thick cloud of smoke. Must've been very windy that Wednesday.

Marcel Da Chump said...

No sleep till Brokelyn.

Anonymous said...

Tilfords still talking about Lance.

Comment deleted said...

Babs, you rule.

mikeweb said...

Why do I all the sudden have an urge for rice and beans?

DITL SKTL

Anonymous said...

You can't use any science you like in F! racing. The technology in those cars is applied under super tight restrictions. Just ask Ayrton Senna. Oh wait you can't because..................

McFly said...

Taste the rainbow

Captain Hardbread said...

OXYT OCIN
Ode to Babblicious
One Bean
One Boot
One Bud
One Love

Blog Drafter said...

By ZOD, it is me, LOB be praised.

echuck said...

SHIT STRM
ESPR ESSO

Perhaps the title of the "needed" coffee shop?

...

David Byrne said...

Beep Beep!

leroy said...

Today's New York Times reports that NY horse racing tracks will have to start limiting the use of clenbuterol.

I asked my dog if he was using clenbuterol and told him to stamp his foot once for yes and twice for no.

He hated that.

Ride safe all. Especially if you'll be imbibing caffeinated beverages in Bed Stuy.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/12/sports/new-york-state-tightens-drug-rules-for-racehorses.html?ref=todayspaper

vikas said...

nice

McFly said...

There once was a tart named Babble,

With her bean she would occasionally dabble,

During a vigorous foff,

That nub got tore off,

So now she enjoys things like Scrabble(tm).



[It's tough rhyming with Babble, probably easier to do other things. Good night kids.]

Anonymous said...

Ossified = boner

Dooth said...

Bsbblebly impossible to other things her legs wrapped around your mind.

Gamer said...

The blogger jumpeth the shark and the shark taketh away.

BED-STY STD EPO FTW

Anonymous said...

BABL BEAN

Anonymous said...

Anyone who mentions Malcom Gladwell MUST be joking.

Anonymous said...

JEDI GAMS

SELF SERV

SEXA DICT

Anonymous said...

Even Malcolm Gladwell can't take what Malcolm Gladwell says seriously.

rocky said...

oh HAI!!! what did i miss?

Media Critic said...

Love him or hate him, Malcolm Gladwell belongs to the "intellectual elite"--a culture subset of which Wildcat is a member; but he tries to maintain "the common touch", so that his outlier followers won't abandon him.

Media Critic said...

Love him or hate him, Malcolm Gladwell belongs to the "intellectual elite"--a culture subset of which Wildcat is a member; but he tries to maintain "the common touch", so that his outlier followers won't abandon him.

Anonymous said...

I usually walk in the am to earn my coffee and I ride in the pm to earn my beer. Boise provides the opportunity to do both, in style: it is a great city. Sadly our Fred population is increasing and bicycling the grean belt is a little less safe.

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

Starbucks?

Please!

Giz Markie said...

That parody was written by the only literate Blood in Bed Stuy.

The King of Park Slope said...

"Quoting" Malcolm Gladwell?

Has to be satire.

The King of Park Slope said...

"Quoting" Malcolm Gladwell?

Has to be satire.

Anonymous said...

Blog Drafter, me and my friends still sometimes talk about that heroic turn at the front you took that one time in that huge big long comments section. Where you commented for hours in real time, kind of? That number one spot up there is going out to YOU, big guy.
(ZOD)

Anonymous said...

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD has much more dramatic effect when you win.

McFly said...

I tried very hard to be mature. I am a child.

Martan 'Buffalo Bill' Anus said...

It puts the lotion on it's spondees

sIGMuNd frIEd said...

Irony is wasted on the ironic.

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yibingg said...

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Anonymous said...

babble, that was a good one. You had a striking image in it, briefly; it was gone later in the day, so I took it as illustrating the ephemeral nature of life's pleasures. Thanks for manifesting the Goddess for us, even though it apparently made someone cranky.

Anonymous said...

I really hope someone went to the espresso pop up meet. I gotta know. PLEASE!

McFly said...

Great ride for the boys first BIG RIDE. 35 miles of the Tour of Lynchburgia. It goes to jack Daniels distillery and back. AKA known as the Race of the Falling Steve's.

Blog Drafter said...

Thank you Zod, your Zodness.

The meds are working a lot better now, so I don't comment as much.

Bog Drafter said...

That, and I have more supervision at work now.

Blog Drafter said...

That's been working out real well.

Blog Drafter said...

I have been posting anonymously on occasion.

Blog Drafter said...

But not to run up comment numbers or anything like that, just to post a little, you know, for the good old days.

Blog Drafter said...

I believe NoGoCyclist commented a lot then.

Blog Drafter said...

And the ellipse guy.

Blog Drafter said...

Where did they get to?

Blog Drafter said...

I was always a little unsure how to characterize the ellipse guys' posts...

Blog Drafter said...

They were a little diatribe-y at times

Blog Drafter said...

Somewhat fulminate-y.

Blog Drafter said...

But always entertaining. He sure typed a lot of ellipses.

Blog Drafter said...

It's mostly about Skittles now, praise Lob.

Blog Drafter said...

Yep, Skittles and Giggles.

Blog Drafter said...

Well, I'd better get back to work now.

Blog Drafter said...

I'm pretty sure they record my keyboard now.

Blog Drafter said...

Bummer!

Blog Drafter said...

Hey, some robocall just called, here on the good old internets...

Blog Drafter said...

And then disappeared...weird, something about cigarettes from Texas.

Blog Drafter said...

Hmm, cigarettes from Texas...

Blog Drafter said...

Pretty soon it'll be vitamins from Texas.

Blog Drafter said...

Oh well, back to work...

Blog Drafter said...

Praise ZOD, whom some kneel before, and also, LOB, whom some scuttle about in front of.

McFly said...

I really miss BGW

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

...just sayin

Anonymous said...

The always engaging and readable Blog Drafter. You should do that more. (ZOD)

McFly said...

........................(something Italian)

Crippy said...

I'd like give Dre a cheap beatdown.

McFly said...

Haikus are easy

But sometimes they don't make sense

Refrigerator

CyclingAdvocate/Sex Therapist said...

Fuck! I wish everyone would be a cyclist...fuck!

babble on said...

SWEEEEET Jezus that was a good laugh. You guys rock.

Oh, and thank you, Mc Fly, for allowing me to have my cake and eat it too. The peek-a-boo looks good on you.

babble on said...

The rain stopped! Rubber side down time, gentlemen...

Anonymous said...

Look out for skittles. I hear grant Peterson will eat them out of the palm of your hand.

Jefe said...

Expresso guy and Mike Giant are annoying for completely different reasons. The former has the kind of tone deaf sensibility that allows Mitt Romney to think he is an average Joe. Expresso guy should be required to watch "Do The Right Thing" on a continuous loop. Mike Giant's views are compassionate and progressive. He just has a bizarre affect and ugly leg tattoos.

McFly said...

You should go over to all hail the black market and Check ONE FOR THE WEEKEND video

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Roses are red,
Wine is red, too.
Poems are hard.
Wine.

Cipo said...

Be sure to catch my new movie ...

'Snakes in my Bibshorts 3D'

Anonymous said...

;-)

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Flammer said...

I WAS going to apologize on behalf of my people, HOWEVER, the Murdock owns 'The Australian' and he made himself American so he could improve your nation after all his good work in Oz and the United Queendom.
The 'journalists' at 'The Australian' may not ride bicycles because Roophart says communists ride bikes. They were suggesting wall decorations for inner-city apartments.

Bob said...

man, you save the world, you read that??

dunwitu said...

sell out

Cipo said...

You know the difference in eating cake and eating ladypie? I usually do not slip my finger in cake when I am eating it.

leroy said...

Roses are red
And oh by the way
Don't buy my dog's
Cheap beats by Dre.

He used them as chew toys.

Dooth said...

Roses are red?

In Texas they're yellow--

like the jersey of the Austin fellow

who raced till he bled.

JB said...

Hey Cipo: Also, cake has icing on top, ladypie has icing inside.

McFly said...

http://news.yahoo.com/cardboard-bicycle-change-world-says-israeli-inventor-090732689.html



Welcome to the future.

babble on said...

That'll be really effective up here in the Pacific North Wet.

Anonymous said...

Features an internal gear hub?
What we got here is failure to communicate.

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