Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Make Way: The Future's So Green I Gotta Wear Rollerblades

Commuting in a big city can be stressful.  For example, a New York City cyclist might, in the heat of the moment, resort to foul language and complain that his progress is being impeded by some "fat tub of shit from New Jersey."  Well, one might argue that such anger is excessive--regardless of whether or not it is indeed an accurate description of a typical driver from west of the Hudson.  But what happens when that cyclist is quite literally being blocked by a fat tub of shit from New Jersey?


This was the case for me this morning as I traveled along a "protected" bike lane in Manhattan:


I apologize for the foul language, but if you can come up with a better way to describe this vehicle I'd like to hear it.

Speaking of being full of shit, yesterday I mentioned the 45-year-old Fred who got busted for doping at the New York Gran Fondo and who, hilariously, rides for a team organized by a website that is pathologically obsessed with the prosecution of Lance Armstrong.  Well, further to that post, a reader had the following to say:

Anonymous said...
http://www.thefreemanonline.org/features/the-common-sense-of-progress/


"If today in the United States or western Europe the relatively poor can have a car or a refriger­ator, an airplane trip or a radio, at the cost of a reasonable part of their income, this was made possible because in the past others with larger incomes were able to spend on what was then a luxury. The path of advance is greatly eased by the fact that it has been trodden before. It is because scouts have found the goal that the road can be built for the less lucky or less energetic. What to­day may seem extravagance or even waste, because it is enjoyed by the few and even undreamed of by the masses, is payment for the experimentation with a style of living that will eventually be available to many."


tl;dr


...unless those rich amateurs keep on buying those carbon race wheels, *we* (the ordinary plebs) won't be able to buy them for $100, 20 years down the line. FACT.

An interesting point to be sure, but progress?  I'm not sure it's fair to compare home refrigeration becoming available to the masses with crabon fiber race wheels getting blown out by Nashbar.  It seems to me that the difference between having refrigeration and not having it is life-changing, whereas the difference between having wheels made out of metal and wheels made out of plastic is negligible.  (Not to mention the fact that the plastic wheel is arguably inferior to the metal wheel for most riders, even amateur racers.  Have you watched one of them try to stop lately?)  Plus, it's the "ordinary plebs" who are buying the crabon wheels now, right alongside the monied masters, so there's no reason for the manufacturers to bring the price down anyway.  That's why crabon bicycles are more expensive than ever despite having been around for decades.  It's also why the bicycle racing marketplace doesn't follow the ordinary laws of economics, and instead remains a bubble of delusion and stupidity.

Also on the subject of doping, yesterday I made the following inane comment on Twitter, because I am an inane person, and because Twitter, to paraphrase George Mallory, is just "there," waiting to have stupid words put into it:

I assumed it was obvious that I was joking, but one member of the Twitteroni was filled with indignation:


Which naturally inspired me to continue flogging a joke that really wasn't even funny in the first place:


Which in turn only made the Twitterono even more indignant:


I actually think anybody who supports any Kickstarter campaign should feel outraged and betrayed, but despite this I actually began to think about the fake question I had posed.  Let's say I were to launch a Kickstarter campaign for my cross-country bicycle tour, in which I'd cycle from New York City to Los Angeles while wearing a chicken suit in order to raise awareness for salmonella poisoning.  Would it indeed be wrong to resort to performance-enhancing drugs in order to complete my ride?  It's not like I'm breaking any rules, since as far as I know there are no rules when it comes to riding across country in a chicken suit.  Sure, it lacks dignity, but arguably I dispensed with dignity when I started asking for money on Kickstarter--and I definitely divested myself of it when I donned that chicken suit.  So what's a little EPO in the mix?  It's certainly less dangerous than salmonella.

Anyway, as I pondered all this, the Twitteroni had a moment of sympathy for me and my phony predicament:


So there you have it.  It is actually possible to finish a century ride without drugs.  Who would have imagined?  Let that be a lesson to all the 40+ fondo Freds out there looking to wring all they can from their crabon wheels.  (Though reading it again it's possible she means she finished two centuries and one triathlon back-to-back on the same day, which is actually pretty impressive, especially without drugs.)

Speaking of Kickstarter, some people desperately need your money so they can show movies outside:


The word "visionary" gets thrown around so much that it's now almost completely devoid of meaning, which is why I feel comfortable calling these people visionaries.  Here's their vision:

Last summer, we did some pretty simple math that ended up spawning (in our personal opinion) one of the most fun and memorable days of the summer. Written out, the equation looked something like this: 

Summer + Bikes + 80’s Movie Nostalgia = A damn fine summer evening.  

In July 2011 we teamed up with the Brooklyn-based food blog and supper club Forking Tasty for a unique, modern twist on the classic American Drive-In experience: the Bike-In-Theater. Hundreds of riders sat and watched a movie on the Brooklyn waterfront, while munching on snacks from the Forking Tasty kitchen, including five unique gourmet-flavored popcorns. The free event was designed as a way to celebrate summer and bike month in NYC. 

In 2012 we’re expanding on the success and demand created last year. With the help of the Kickstarter community, we’re attempting a bi-coastal tour that will start this summer in NYC and end in October in San Francisco. Please help us launch the 2012 Bike-In-Theater tour. It’s your passion, enthusiasm and backing that will help us to make this reality.


And here's the video:




I'm not sure it's fair to call showing a bunch of movies that are on cable 14 times a day "curating," but then again the word "curate" has been even more diluted than the word "visionary" so I shouldn't complain.  Also, there were cookies:


("Curating" now means "putting snacks in metal tubs for stoners.")

So why do they need $24,000 to show movies on a brick wall?  Well, in addition to cookie funds, they also need money for chalk:


Also, according to this guy, they need "proper rights for movies:"



Which would make the organizers of "Bike-In-Theater" the only two people on the face of the planet Earth who take those anti-piracy warnings seriously.  Really, they could save us all a lot of money if they'd just screen some bootlegs they bought on the subway.  Anyway, Brooklyn becomes more like San Francisco every year, so it's good to see two entrepreneurs working hard to make them completely indistinguishable.  

In other smugness news, are you one of those people who advocates cycling because it's "good for the environment?"  Well, I've always felt this was a dangerous argument, since it leaves the door wide open for some other more ecologically friendly modes of transport to take away all our hard-fought gains.  For example, I don't know about you, but I don't want to get sandbagged by a bunch of Rollerbladers:


The above Rollerblade advocacy article was forwarded to me by a reader, and of course it includes the requisite pro-Rollerblade infographic:


Sure, Rollerblading may be "greener," but as far as I'm concerned this is the only infographic I need:


That's the Rollerblade equivalent of "cycle chic."

177 comments:

McFly said...

Whoop whoop

Anonymous said...

Ta Da!

cycle

McFly said...

I am going to do the mature thing and not hawg the pode.

Anonymous said...

and

3rd

cycle

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Top 10 fine by me.

El Smirkyboy said...

Highest ever!?!?

JB said...

Epic!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten.

mikeweb said...

Woulda podiumed if not for all the dopers.

Arithmatic Nazi said...

Hey cycle, it's math not horse-shoes.

McFly said...

The B-Sample confirmed my doubter's suspicions, I tested positive for MFA. Mother-F--kin' Awesomeness.

Anonymous said...

Whoa! First Time I ever saw "no comments" at the bottom of the post.....after I read it......and was therefore reduced to mid-pack fodder [it izz wenzday after all].

Fofonoving!

Velocodger said...

I say wear rollerblades while cycling and double your smugness!

Anonymous said...

Where's my epo? Ordered it yesterday, they promised next day air!!!!

Anonymous said...

lololol arithmatic Nazi!

cycle

I am always one number away. Does that count?

BTW - close only counts in horse-shoes and hand grenades.

Anonymous said...

Turning tricks in Times Square has made you soft Snobby.

You missed the recumbent equivalent to roller blades, roller skis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trSfatkaCPM

Bob's yer Uncle reference too.

mikeweb said...

WTF is an Oreo chip cookie?? And why isn't there one of those sweet hybrids of nature in my hand right now??

Anonymous said...

Gran Fondo doper gets mention in Velonation (that two year ban is now so worth it!!).
http://www.velonation.com/News/ID/12503/Anthony-handed-two-year-ban-after-EPO-positive-at-Gran-Fondo-New-York.aspx

ken e. said...

wednesday!

McFly said...

Has anyone taken a glance at the Olympic Route Map? They go through a place called Bushy Park, Dorking, and Box Hill. I predict very high attrition in that race. Major abandonment.

Fred Nifacent said...

I'll give you tree-fitty and a jar of artisinal mayonaise to don a fish suit and ride the wrong way in the Broadway bike lane to raise awareness of salmon poisoning, getting hit by a d-bag going uptown in a downtown bike lane.

mikeweb said...

Am I the only one who thinks that those stomach of anger 'Jens Voight has a posse' shirts are a tad creepy? Mostly considering that the other two '_____ has a posse' graphics that I know of feature guys who were DEAD when the graphic came about (Andre the Giant, of course, and VDB by the guys at DC).

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

" Let's say I were to launch a Kickstarter campaign for my cross-country bicycle tour, in which I'd cycle from New York City to Los Angeles while wearing a chicken suit in order to raise awareness for salmonella poisoning."

put me down for $100

Anonymous said...

Kickstarter played too great a role in today's blog post.
It certainly is a place rich with irony and WTFness but it's low hanging fruit.
I expect my free entertainment to be more rigorously creative. So Please try harder tomorrow, WRM. Ok?

Loving the new Fiona Apple album. Thanks for the reco man!

JB said...

I used to play roller hockey with George Plimpton in St. Catherine's Park in the late 1990s. He used to play in a tweed jacket. Charming chap.

Anonymous said...

It's difficult to use a kickstarter whilst wearing rollerblades.

hey nonny mouse

Paul Ilechko said...

More than half of all American's (sic) live less than five miles from an extraneous apostrophe.

Anonymous said...

< Arithmatic Nazi said... >

Grammar pedant says "arithmetic"....

hey nonny mouse

DerZoots said...

FUcking rollerblade transportation advocacy!? It's even more rediculous when listening to JCore vocal mix.

WEEDNESday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeah!

Mr. Herer in tha HOUze.

WEEEEEEEED.

Foghorn Leghorn said...

"since as far as I know there are no rules when it comes to riding across country in a chicken suit"

One rule: watch out for chicken hawks.

DerZoots said...

Oh yes,
I will donate $100 to the cycling cross country chicken suit salmonela awareness campaign. (CCCCSSAC)

Do it.

WEEDz

Agin.

Anonymous said...

did you know that weed goes under doping substances?

You´re all disqualified.

mikeweb said...

McFly, I haven't seen the map but I'm guessing Bushy park is directly north of Box hill, no?

And I think Fed Nifacent is definitely onto something... I'll chip in with my $14.99 hatchet that I bedazzled and tried to sell unsuccessfully on EBay for $110 + S&H.

Anonymous said...

Joizy Honey Wagon

leroy said...

My dog wishes to share the following observation.

Anonymous Comment on bike blog: "The path of advance is greatly eased by the fact that it has been trodden before."

Blake, Proverbs of Hell: "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom."

Honestly, doesn't anyone read the classics anymore? I mean besides my dog (and I think he's using Cliffs Notes).

Kickinthenutzstarter said...

Saw Bike-In Theater promo on Krapstarter.
-Don't expect my donation if you feature music with singing children and xylophones.
-Don't expect my donation if you ass-rape the word, "curate." They showed Ferris Bueller for fuck's sake. Leave curating to the curators!
-Maybe if they showed porn movies they would get funded faster. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should spend more time reading Janet’s tweets. It would make your heart and blog more Joyful!
Bike Snob + Janet = Joyful Blog.

Blog Drafter said...

"It's also why the bicycle racing marketplace doesn't follow the ordinary laws of economics, and instead remains a bubble of delusion and stupidity."

That's kinda genius. Praise Lob.

Anonymous said...

How to carry a ladder...?

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2012/07/14/the-week-in-pictures-vol-2/gallery/image/image-561/

hey nonny mouse

NPB said...

"I apologize for the foul language, but if you can come up with a better way to describe this vehicle I'd like to hear it."

Turd Tanker

Anonymous said...

Stanker Truck?

McFly said...

Yeah, right around the corner from the shitter. No seriously checkcheck it out on Steephill.

le Correcteur said...

" It's also why the bicycle racing marketplace doesn't follow the ordinary laws of economics, and instead remains a bubble of delusion and stupidity."
Classic, Snob. Pack fodder today!

Ben said...

http://amarillo.craigslist.org/bik/3124170646.html

tada affordable crabon?

Cheese Plate, not Pie Plate said...

@ mikeweb -
What about Tillamook Cheddar and the cute little artist doggie's posse. I think the dog still lives.

le Correcteur said...

Blog drafter at 1:57, so you're not only reading my mind and stealing my thoughts; you're reading my mind and stealing my thoughts 11 minutes before I have them. F***in A! How do you do it?

Taxonomy Pedant said...

Grammar Pedant should be Orthography Pedant

Anonymous said...

For Lobs' sake, that thing's called a Honey Wagon.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honeywagon

Marcel Da Chump said...

Summer + bikes + 70's porn nostalgia= one forking tasty summer

etherhuffer said...

Recumbabe goes to the bike-in movies then I say its a grand idea. If not, I'll just stay home and shoot up EPO.

etherhuffer said...

BTW, did John Holmes ever ride a bike?

Anonymous said...

summer + bike + porn + weed= last sunday

JB said...

Kickstarter: When Your Parents Stop Giving You Money

How about Micro-starter(tm):
BSNYC: someone come over with an egg sandwich and large coffee and then put air in my tires and I'll go on a ride and write a blog post about it.

Anonymous said...

http://stevemccurry.wordpress.com/2012/07/14/the-worlds-ride/

Don't know if this has been posted.

Anonymous said...

Mr.John said:



"I resemble that remark!"

Anonymous said...

Best post yet! Roller blade are okay but they just aren't bikes. My bike is just as good as a car many times better used to be worse because of how frequently I had to replace my bikes before but now that I keep it at my bike storage parking spot at Park Circle Storage (Parkcirclestorage.com) I don't have to worry about it anymore

Business Cat said...

Dead mouse on your desk? YOU deserve it...

Anonymous said...

have you seen the Workaholics episode, the one where one of the guys rollerblades to work whilst trying to stay drunk to avoid an epic hangover?

ROLR BLAD

Anonymous said...

meh

Buffalo Bill said...

Two centuries in one day, ok.
Two plus a tri? Unless the run was 1K, there would'nt be enough hours in the day.

Buffalo Bill said...

Late today, I was testing the B sample.

Anonymous said...

Never mind, epo arrived, but with no needles wtf?!
Who said this doping stuff was easy?
Once i get back from the rite-aid gonna be crushing it, the others on the Th tweed ride better hold their damn lines this week or there's gonna be trouble.
-Theed1 (29 Strava KOM's and cunting, watch for those #'s and linked self-worth to increase by like 587 percent)

Anonymous said...

Arithmahtic

Anonymous said...

Roller skis are a common sight where I live, because there are a bunch of XC skiers who train year 'round.

Some of them are also very fast cyclists, though one does have to watch for triathlete-level bike handling skills with a few of 'em.

Anonymous said...

ArithMEHtic!

Mayor for life Boomberg said...

NJ plates but NY shit! Our shit is better than NJ shit. And it doesn't smell either. Actually I get quite high sniffing my own. Amazing Buzzz!

Dooth said...

Delusion × Naivete × boundless optimism ÷ idealism = Neo-Brooklyn Hipsterati

Serial Retrogrouch said...

turd rocket!

Quilled and Lugged said...

But you see, someone has to start offering " five unique gourmet-flavored popcorns" now for the elite, so that in twenty years we can all benefit...

jno62 said...

"..a bubble of delusion and stupidity."

Pretty much sums up my opinion of Capitalism as it is practiced in this country.

Thanks Snob.

Salty and Sore said...

"..a bubble of delusion and stupidity."

Pretty much sums up my opinion of Apple, as their products are used in this country.

Thanks jno62.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

"..a bubble of delusion and stupidity."

Pretty much sums up my opinion of bicycles, as they are used in this country.

thanks salty and sore

Salty and Sore said...

Doping is fun. (and relaxing!)

As every Wednesday knows.

Doping (with say, EPO, or a diuretic) in a charity event is like bringing weed to the bike-in movie, and then not sharing with anyone. Bad form. But not entirely wrong.

So is using the $7,000 custom crabon frame in the local amateur race.

Who knows? Maybe its fun, and we're all just spiritually denying ourselves.

AA said...

You're a dope purveying dope dog right here on this site. You drink too much of that coffee you're selling and you'd be over the limit for caffeine and a rule breaker. Performance enhancing drugs are fun. That's why we all take what we take, whether it's EPO, Adderol, coffee, NSAIDs etc. They give us all a reason to have a special day instead of just another day.

McFly said...

The worst part about being sober is getting up in the morning and just knowing that's probably the best you are going to feel all day.

Anonymous said...

Brooklyn is like San Francisco? Does that mean it's cold, windy, and people stay inside after dark?

bikesgonewild said...

...the worst part about roller blading is constantly having to hear the joke about the worst part of roller blading being the part where you have to tell your dad you're gay...

..."not that there's anything wrong with (any of) that..."...

Anonymous said...

Cycling while doing drugs: I stopped doing drugs before gwtting into cycling.

The more I hear of this amateur doping I am liking the idea of an Acid century. It'd be impossible to have a bad trip barring a mechanical.

Yes, there seems to be this bicoastal thing going on with some; they live and work in both SF and NY as easily as they change a pair of clothes. It is some form of masturbation, to be sure.

Anonymous said...

The defenders of ridiculously-priced equipment of questionable value are making the logical fallacy of post hoc, ergo propter hoc (Google it, or take my word for it that that's a fancy-schmancy way to say just because a thing happens, and another thing happens later, that doesn't mean the first caused the second). If I fart in New Jersey, and Bloomberg chokes on his 20oz. soda a minute later, that does not mean my fart made him choke. The reason crabon bikes that used to cost 15 grand now cost 1500 even is NOT because idiots actually paid that much for plastic bikes. The reason the price comes down is that, when the idiots who will pay 15 grand all have as many plastic bikes as they want, the manufacturers can't sell any more of the things unless they lower the price. If no one would pay 15 grand, the price would probably start at 1500 even to begin with.

Anonymous said...

Rollerblading is bad for the envoronment, just like riding a bike is. They're both less bad than driving a car is. They're all modes of transportation that consume petroleum-based products. Yeah, rollerblading is way less bad than driving, but speaking of words that lose meaning like "epic" and "curate" and "Stanley Wiggins," how did "not as bad" come to mean "good"?

Anonymous said...

Spondee!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Rich folks justifying crabon wheel purchases by rehashing some entry level economics lesson. A Reaganomics lesson must be next.

Perhaps 1% buying up tons of real estate in Hawaii makes it more affordable to the rest.

Nice rebuttal, Snobbie.

crosspalms said...

Those yachts and Mercedes 2-seaters should be pretty affordable by now. Sweet! Throw in 4 years at Harvard, too, I get paid a week from Friday.

DeNali Dave said...

You can get some sweet generic 50 mm crabon hoops on the Ebay in the tree-fitty range.....now....where is my stencil machine?

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:17 - are you really that thick, or was that one of most exquisitely-crafted trolls in comment history?

In your example, if you don't fart, Bloomberg still chokes on the soda. Now, if the people don't buy the $15,000 bikes, do the manufacturers still spontaneously increase production and start selling at $1500? Do they??? Really??? Think about your answer. No, REALLY think.

And while you're at it, shove your 'post hoc, ergo propter hoc' RIGHT up your arse.

ashcroftchops said...

What the fuck is wrong with doping? I'm a dopey English cunt and it's done me no harm!

bikesgonewild said...

...i've 'suggested' to travis tygart that the usada test bsnyc/rtms/wcrm due to his consistently high standard of cycle related blog postings...

...nothing personal & remember, should it come to pass, it was only a suggestion...

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, they don't call it "fruitbooting" for nothing, you know...

Scott Banks said...

"It's also why the bicycle racing marketplace doesn't follow the ordinary laws of economics, and instead remains a bubble of delusion and stupidity."—WRM

I know it goes against the spirit here to take anything too seriously, but it is important to know why this statement is deceptive—and why Snob is more right than he lets on. The bicycle racing marketplace is not alone in violating "the ordinary laws of economics"—virtually all markets violate these ordinary laws, which is why even economists are starting to admit that these "laws" aren't really laws. If we enumerate Snob's position more technically, we would say things like this:

—Increased supply is supposed to lower price, but in the case of carbon bikes, it has raised prices.

—Individuals in a market are supposed to seek their rational best utility at the price they can pay, but amateurs are paying more money for carbon wheels that give them less utility.

Snob is right that increased supply can lead to a rise in prices, not just in bicycles but in other markets. For example, during the housing bubble, banks increased the supply of crappy mortgage backed securities, and investors bought more of them, driving up their prices. The ordinary law of supply and demand did not correspond to reality, just as with the crabon bicycles.

Snob is also right that individuals in a market do not always maximize their utility, but instead pay more for products of less utility—and not only in the case of amateurs riding crabon wheels. Private investors will spend time and money evaluating stocks, when research has shown that they will be outperformed by funds indexed blindly to the market. Like consumers of crabon wheels—who are probably the same people—amateur day traders want to think they have special powers that warrant a customized approach.

I think Snob knows all this, because he closes with the phrase "bubbles of delusion and stupidity." This line does not contrast with what we know of broader markets, particularly the financial market—it perfectly evokes it.

McFly said...

That has to be trolling at the 5:17 mark, I hope it is. If not, your argument is invalid.

Amaterd said...

Dear Anon 6:43,
blahblahblahblahblahCRABON WHEELSzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzCRABONWHEELSblahblahblahblahCRABON WHEELSzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzCRABON WHEELS...

so how much for the crabon wheels? Take my money.

Blog Drafter said...

Anon @ 5:17

No one REALLY thinks in here...wrong blog.

Salty @ 3:54

Doping and spirituality do not go together. I know you didn't exactly say they do but to even use those words in the same comment is...um, hey wait, where did I put my...oh, never mind.

Anonymous said...

The essence of economics is that "there's one born every minute" as a famous economist once quipped.

Wiggo said...

Jeez, where did all these long words come from? Let's get back to the good old days: CUNT, SCRANUS, SPONDEE, WEED.
Does a guy need more than that in life? Discuss, without trolling or latin expressions please...

Cipo said...

I am going to puff some WEED, lick her CUNT whilst simultaneously massaging her SCRANUS yoni style, then once she is satisfied I shall SPONDEE all over her PANTIES/NIPPLES.

the entire comment board said...

Scott Banks:

TLDNR

Wiggo said...

Cipo - right on, mate, I forgot PANTIES

Salty and Sore said...

..You're welcome, and I second.

Chapeau all! Good day.

McFly said...

Does anyone see any ironicalness in the name............................................."Scott Banks"?

As in SCOTT bikes BANKS on you buying their Tiawan made Swiss (are they Swiss) bikes?

Anonymous said...

Bicycle racing and the bicycle industry has become something I no longer recognize nor want to participate in. I am 54 and raced for 8 years USCF. Am I a Fred or a Douche?

Anonymous said...

You sir are what is known as a "Fredouche".
You are a complex yet subtle hybrid of narcissism and cluelessness.
Good all over you!

Anonymous said...

You sir are a rocker named Steve.

Anonymous said...

You sir are dead last.

Anonymous said...

I'm anxious because I don't know what to call myself!

I have a custom crabon bike that rides wonderfully and was made in Montreal; I go out and tootle around every non-rainy day and climb a thousand feet or so and have a great time.

I'm a gentleman of a certain age -- I've been into biking for over 40 years -- with hairy legs, a beard, a fluorescent jersey, and a helment mirror, and I have no illusions about actually going fast, but I like to move it along to the meager extent I'm capable of.

Please, tell me what derogatory term applies! Am I a douche? A fred? Or do I get some respect?

It's all so confusing.

Grammar Nazi said...

I was going to tell you until you finished that 3nd sentence with a preposition. You sir, are a Cad. Maybe a CAAD9.

Grammar politburo said...

Don't you mean "you, sir, are a cad"?

Bogusboy said...

Re: refrigerators and crabon wheelage -

What we are seeing at work here is the Law of Inflation of Social Progress. As a culture becomes ever more inane and self-absorbed, its measures of social progress become ever more superficial.

Rodney Chris King said...

Why can't we all
just douche along?

Poppa Wheelie said...

Cipo @ 8:04 !!!!

bikesgonewild said...

...i'll never be happy in this life 'til i have a carbon fiber (crabon fibre) refrigerator with titanium shelving & handles...

...i just became aware of that...

Anonymous said...

I used to ride because it gave me something to do when I was stoned.
...Got lots of miles in me.

Freddie Douche'berg D.D.S. said...

I got busted. Got some epo from that Bcyle magazine ad that looks like an article from a scientific journal. Looks like I'm losing my cat 6 designation for two years.

Wait a minute! My agent tells me that if I pay the right people $100,000 not only will I get my cat 6 license back but I also get a guaranteed slot in next years Tour de France. Or was the the Giro?

Know anyone who speaks Swiss?

Poppa Wheelie said...

What an awesome fridge

Anonymous said...

Grammar Nazi --

Gosh, now I'll never know how self-conscious to be!

http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/churchill.html

http://www.amazon.com/The-Language-Instinct-Mind-Creates/dp/0060976519

--- anon 9:27

Gammar Nazi said...

Grammar Politburo,

You should have said "Do you mean..."

Not "Don't you mean..."


Which ironically is Do you NOT mean...

Shove It Up Your Ass Nazi said...

Shove It Up Your Ass

bikesgonewild said...

...poppa wheelie...

...you should see the dream kitchen it goes in...

...i'm pretty sure i'm gonna need to place a 'kickstarter' ad in the wall street journal, forbes magazine & the harvard business review to get the results i'm looking for...

...see that ???...i just ended a sentence in a preposition & i'm about to start one with a conjunction...but fuck that cunt, the grammar nazi...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

went to gym yesterday and hardly doped at all

Pootie said...

I like how you asked if it's ethical to dope, and she said, Yes! Confused the hell out of me. I know it's Twitter and all, but can't people keep the meaning of a word in their mind long enough to compose a friggin' reply tweet?

Anyway doping is ethical as hell. It's breaking the rules of a competition, where everyone else competing presumes there's no doping (yeah right), that's the unethical part.

Five gourmet-flavored popcorns? What to call that? I can't decide between "misplaced priorities" and "wasted effort."

Another Grammar Nazi said...

Grammar Politboro:

Don't you mean "you, sir, are a cad"?

The question mark goes INSIDE the close quotation mark, douchebag.

Anonymous said...

That infographic reckons only 17 miles in an hour for a roading bike. When I dope up on EPO for my weekend hobby ride I go at least 19 miles each hour. Take that you roller-blading propagandists.

Anonymous said...

You, sir, are exaggerating your miles per hour.

Punctuation Princess said...

Another Grammar Nazi:

The question mark would go inside the closing quotation mark only if the phrase being quoted were a question: "Don't you mean, 'You, sir, are a cad'?"

babble on said...

He said "What's the worst thing about rollerblading?"
"I dunno." I replied.
"Telling your dad you're gay."

Rollerblades will never usurp bikes. They just don't have the same kind of mojo. It's really hard to look sexy while rollerblading. Unless you're a pro. A sexy pro. In something tiiiiiiiiny...

Your Roller Chic info graphic says it all, really. He's not having fun. He's not happy. He's not getting some.

Rollerblading: it's just not hot.

harglebargle said...

Not sure which I loathe more - Riv or Rapha. Both are havens for people that have no idea who the fuck Roger DeVlaeminck is. Those that do also think 2,000 wheels are fucking retarded, they just don't care about looking "pretty." fuck I hate Rapha.

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...

...oh, look...someone babbling on about the fruitbooters @ 12:29am...

Anonymous said...

2,000 Wheels=1,000 bikes. There is bound to be some retardation by default.

Babble On, you seem alot like a dude in a chics body, which is very hot.

VeloSnooze said...

Chris Horny makes his Olympic debut on Saturday and talked on Wednesday about planning and executing on Box Hill for the U.S. National Team

Anonymous said...

He is going to do his best not to blow up at Bushy Park.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure that Ms rideOn agreed that it is indeed ethical to dope for fred rides.

Anonymous said...

I heard part of the olympic route is on gropecunt lane.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gropecunt_Lane

Salty and Sore said...

Anon 9:27-

You posit an interesting question.

By what you describe, it appears you enjoy your bike, and for that you have my respect.

Given that you describe yourself as a gentleman, it's doubtful that the moniker 'cunt' would be very deserving. However, if you would like to use it anyway, I suggest you take up riding on rainy days, as wet cunts are far more appealing to most.

Based on your description though, may I lovingly proffer 'vagina-face'. You deserve much of it, in whatever genitalway you choose.

Welcome, Vagina-faceI Indeed, there are a few of you among the rest of us douche-bags. ;)

Tucked said...

Zounds! I was getting up the gumption to appeal to the commentariat to cease using the C-word so much in here and here goes Salty using the same. What's a Vagina-face to do?

Unknown said...

JanetLyn said "Yes!" to "is it ethical to dope" . Someone needs an ethics lesson. And BSNYC maybe metal rims are better than carbon ones but I like my Xentis carbon wheels better than spoke, nipple, rim, hub conglomerations.

Beavis & Butthead said...

Heeh,heeh, he said "nipple."

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, seeing as where she is one of perhaps three female commenters who are not run off by all of the blatant sexual harassment, she has earned the right to babble on about anything she damn well pleases...

Anonymous said...

Salty and sore @8:01 -- thank you for your thoughtful reply.

However, as one who has true gynecological expertise in my family, I must point out that the vagina is, ordinarily, invisible; what almost everyone means when they refer to a vagina is correctly referred to as a vulva.

A British acquaintance of mine once affectionately referred to one of his compatriots as (phonetically), "a scrahtum-faced bastard". That'll probably work.

Grammar Politburo said...

Didn't think there would be such a fall-out from all that stuff last night. Thanks Punctuation Princess for putting the incorrect one straight. And, 'Gammar Nazi said...
You should have said "Do you mean..."
Not "Don't you mean..." Which ironically is Do you NOT mean...'
You, sir, do not see the way of English polite put-downs, which is to raise the question, as an offering, rather than make a statement, but which nonetheless implies that I know the correct way and you do not.

Salty and Sore said...

Sure, Anon,
I could've gone for medical accuracy. However, art trumps science in certain situations. (true not many.) The guy said he wanted something derogatory, but I don't think he deserved anything all-out mean.

I like the scrahtum-face too. Sounds cool!.. What does it mean?

Anonymous said...

John Holmes rode a mixte.

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