Monday, July 9, 2012

Cultural Differences: Cunts and Ammo

In English speaking media markets, the sport of professional cycling continues to vie for mainstream acceptance.  Sure, a few casual sports fans may turn their heads towards cycling during Tour de France time, but in order to hold their attention we need relatable riders with "hooks."  Lance Armstrong had more "hook" than a bait and tackle shop thanks to the whole "ancer-cay" thing, but since then the cycling media has vainly struggled to produce a suitable replacement.  Finally though, we may have found somebody in Bradley Wiggins, the guy who likes to say "cunt:"



Yes, sometimes Wiggins just likes to throw an unadorned "cunt" out there, while other times he likes to dress up the "cunt" by prefacing it with other expletives such as "shit," "fuck," and "wankers:"

I say they're just fucking wankers. I cannot be doing with people like that.


It justifies their own bone-idleness because they can't ever imagine applying themselves to do anything in their lives.


It's easy for them to sit under a pseudonym on Twitter and write that sort of shit, rather than get off their arses in their own lives and apply themselves and work hard at something and achieve something. And that's ultimately it. Cunts.

It's a long Tour, and in the coming weeks Wiggins's fortunes may rise or fall.  Either way, I hope his use of the word "cunt" only grows more creative, and I'm looking forward to the moment when he finally starts using props to drive home his point:



("See this saddle?  Now imagine it's a great big cunt.  That's what you are.")

And should he actually win this thing, you can be sure Wiggins will leverage his "c" word the same way Armstrong did, after which it's only a matter of time before the wrists of Fred-dom are bejewled with CuntStrong bracelets.

Of course, it's important to keep in mind that the word "cunt" doesn't have the same connotations in Britain as it does down here in Canada's unkempt cunt.  That's because Americans tend to be slightly prudish, whereas the British tend to be a bit bawdier.  Just ask the cunts down on Fuckfield Lane:



Sure, it's not actually called Fuckfield, but to me the "F" is even more conspicuous in its absence.  (Though that's probably because I'm a repressed and prudish American.)

Speaking of America, as a New Yorker I don't really live there, but I did have occasion to pass through it on my travels last week.  Almost 200 years ago, Alexis de Tocqueville came here and wrote a book called "Democracy in America," in which he said that the aristocracy was disappearing and people were becoming more equal.  (At least that's what I read on Wikipedia.)  Given this, he might be surprised to learn that in the ensuing years America has scrapped the whole democracy thing and has instead embraced the feudal system.  However, instead of fiefdoms comprised of big manor houses that are surrounded by serfs, we now have things called "Walmarts" that are surrounded by people who are completely underwater on their mortgages.  Today, all Tocqueville would have to do would be to visit these Walmarts and they would tell him everything he needed to know about America.  For example, did you know that 32ers are the new 29ers?


Well, I didn't, until I visited a Walmart:


As I stood there, I wondered why Walmart was selling bikes with giant wheels and lots of spokes, at which point someone wandered over to examine one.  It was then, looking at this person, that I realized it's because the average American weighs something like 350lbs.  And don't give me that nonsense about how smaller-diamater wheels are intrinsically stronger, because it's all about "angle of attack," and when a 350lb Walmart shopper is riding a 26-inch mountain bike with flat tires on a poorly-maintained sidewalk those tiny wheels are basically little better than wedges.  No, the Sidewalks of Tomorrow will be full of behemoths on 32-inch department store cruiser bikes with bottle cages big enough to hold a two-liter bottle of Pepsi.

As for 29ers, it should go without saying that they're the new 26-inch:


There was a time when the notion of a department store 29er was almost as unthinkable as a department store fixie.  Now, you can buy both at Walmart as easily as you can buy live ammunition:


That surprised me, as did the actual guns out of which to fire the live ammunition which were hanging right behind me.  Of course, as a certified "woosie," I don't know anything about guns except that I never want to be in front of one when it goes off.  That's why this thing scares the crap out of me, even though one Walmart shopper says it's a great first rifle for kids:




The Bushmaster M4A3 is a fantastic rifle to either add to a collection or for a first rifle, very easy to shoot and accurate. My fivteen year old daughter can shoot this rifle with very accurate results and loves to go out shooting it with dad, you will not be disapointed with it!
I use Federal .223 ammo with brass casings and have never had a problem with it, I have had people tell me that the cheaper ammo with steele casings has jammed on them but I don't buy cheap ammo just to avoid any problems


I only hope these department stores assemble their guns better than they assemble their bikes.

Anyway, in addition to ammo for your guns, Walmart also sells ammo for your mind:



Yes, that's all the raw materials you need for an armed rebellion under one roof--and they have a pharmacy!

Sure, we may have our problems, but absolutely nobody does retail like America.

In any case, I can't help wondering how quickly we'd all kill each other in here New York if we had easier access to guns:

Dear Cyclist-Hating Bitch - w4w - 27 (Long Island City, 49th Ave + Jackson Ave)
Date: 2012-07-08, 7:05PM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]

Dear Cyclist-Hating Bitch,

I am sorry that you have a deep hatred for cyclists, apparently based on those who do not follow traffic rules. Honestly, they frustrate me as well.

However, before throwing assorted trash (and your phone) at me and screaming at me in the middle of the road, you might consider that I "almost hit" you because you were "running" (and I use that term generously) across the street against the signal, and I, in fact, swerved to *not* hit you. Furthermore, I was in the bike lane.

Sincerely, fuck you. 


That's just a love note compared to what Bradley Wiggins would have written.

132 comments:

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hello!

DogShot said...

Yoinks! The Wal-Mart and guns.

MIKE VOID said...

cunt

MIKE VOID said...

cunt

theEel said...

WEED!

grog said...

Dix!

Anonymous said...

<===8 SEVENTH! 8===>

Could you review one of those helmet mounted mirrors?

Anonymous said...

Top 20 cunts!

Anonymous said...

Bloody cunt

Luke said...

BSNYC,

Have you thought about what kind of hat you are going to eat when Wiggins wins?

Astroluc said...

Eleventieth?

McFly said...

I don't feel tardy.

McFly said...

Bugger off......

elmer said...

whats so bad about live ammo?
better than dead ammo, eh?

Jasper said...

RCT hitting the front spot is as worrying as a GB 1-2 in a Tour time trial. Come on RCT, what are you on?
(See Cyclingnews clinic forum for some ideas)

Anonymous said...

Top XX !! Still, 1:30"+ down on some sideburned UK hipster...

mikeweb said...

What about Twat?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

We're all stars now in the dope show.

DOPE SHOW

Anonymous said...

Cunt and twat are my 2 favorite pejoratives to use on men. Then again, if I could be any historical figure it would be Paul Simonon in 1979.

Paul Bowen said...

Welcome back!

LADY PART

Paul Bowen said...

Caption on the Wiggins saddle pic had me reverse-snorting coffee.

crosspalms said...

Back with a bang, so to speak. I don't know why "The Great Destroyer" has a photo of Obama on it -- if he threw assorted trash and his phone at a cyclist I think we'd hear about it. He's obviously reading the riot act to cyclist-hating bitch, but maybe "Furthermore, I Was in the Bike Lane" didn't test well as a book title.

singlespeedwaster said...

A whole week of nothing but Fofonov to entertain me, and even the top 20 is now beyond my reach! Back to Fofonov.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I told you NOT to go into a Walmart, you Cunt!

There is no better way to lose faith in America.

ken e. said...

classic!

Jed said...

A cunt hat, of course.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Finally I'm starting to reap the benefits of all that sweating at my special high temperature acclimation training camp!

Jed said...

Are unkempt cunts are making a comeback? I still haven't recovered from the image posted a few days ago. Btw, am I the only man who enjoys a game of "guess the trim?"

Mr. Smoketoomuch said...

What a silly bunt.

Anonymous said...

What are the odds a Brit will win the tour? Hasn't happened yet.

cycle

(I love your country but 99 years without a winner?)

Some little kid said...

Welcome back... to work.


What does "bejewled" mean?

Anonymous said...

Philippe Gilbert with the face of Justin Bieber, with the haircut of Bradley Wiggins...?

bk jimmy said...

Even if you could find a Walmart in New York to buy a 32er, Bloomberg wouldn't let you buy a 2-liter Pepsi to put in the bottle cage. You're right, Snobby--NYC is un-American!

I am a confused etymologist engine said...

S just out of concern, what does Cunt mean to the english?
I assume it is still has some negative connotation. I understand that the english have not used the word fag to describe a cigarette for the last 40 years.

Life is very confusing?

Carl said...

speaking of guns and cyclists - we had a race out here in the midwest (thats west of Philly for us native NY/NJers). anyways some guy in a giant suv (a true patriot) was pissed at one of us as we took up a whole lane (in the deserted two lane road). so he tries to run one cyclist off the road who predictably starts cursing and yelling at the crazy driver. who then proceeds to get out of his car brandishing a gun (also pronounced "freedom" in missouri). after the cops arrive, it turns out this fine upstanding driver is a cop as well. so nothing happens in the end. just in case you thought not prosecuting drivers who attack cyclists was a coastal thing, we have it here too!

Anonymous said...

English people have funny accents, much more so the ones born in Belgium.
All he wanted to say was "you stupid... (man), can't [cunt] you watch where you're going?", but he was suffering from shortness of breath and longness of sideburns, which are chronic, I'm afraid.

g said...

Good to see you back. I was so very excited when Fofanoff went on the attack the other day, but apparently he didn't have what it takes to make it to the finish line alone.

JDH said...

They only had one thirty-twoer at our Walmart. And NO 32oz bottle cages. Bloody cunted wankers.

streepo said...

scranus cunts

Joop Jaap of Zeeland said...

kjunt

Pervis MacDouche' said...

cunt panties

Buffalo Bill said...

I bet that fivteen year old cunt shoot worth a damn, her daddies just naturally proud of her.

sorry for the typo up there, I'm sure she's very nice.

Anonymous said...

Fucksake, oot the way cuntybaws!

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Don't forget Cavendish, the other little pissy British cunt who likes swearing at the cameras. Also rather ironic that the "Man from the Isle of Man" has is ample chested baby mama handle the press cunts via twatter.

12XU said...

I am a confused etymologist engine
I like pinching fags.

Doug said...

I had an injection in my ankle once because a truck didn't see my motorcycle. The doc said the steroids would help it heal. I had a righteous case of 'roid rage, and I said cunt a lot then too.

Fredddie Douche' DDS said...

That chamiousee thingie in my bib shorts. Do I wear it on the inside of the bibs or the outside of my bibs?

Thank you in advance for your help in this matter.

Confused said...

I like pinching fags.

What the hell is that, now I have three questions?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

cuntastic

Serial Retrogrouch said...

yah, but would you call your country a cunt?
huh?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

you do call your fraternity a frat...

Marcel Da Chump said...

Cunt-incidence? I, too, vacationed last week and shopped at a Super Wal-Mart...in Michigan.

Anonymous said...

Whoa, the C word.
Raising the bar again, Snobby!

Let's normalize all the nasty words ASAP. It'll bring in a new age of openness, Peace, and understanding.

Where' s Wiggin's mum? What's she say about her baby boy calling a great many of us C-words?

Cycling has been ful of dope for for ever. Calling pple who question it Cts won't change that.

I lol'd said...

Dear Bike Snob,

You are one funny fucking ass-wiping cunt!

Sincerely,

Radly Bigguns

Anonymous said...

Bradley wiggins, a real douchey cunt-bag if you ask me.

Jimbo! said...

I second the cunt-hat!

Anonymous said...

Lord Carl 1.20, you have proven that aristocracy is not dead in America.

Anonymous said...

CuntStrong bracelets

Fucking brilliant that is!

Now where do I click to get my CuntStrong bracelet?

Anonymous said...

I think this review of an electronically shifting, aerodynamically enhanced commuting bike will delight you.

http://www.fexycoaching.com/blog/?p=463

The bike at least elicited the envy (disguised of course as mockery) of some fellow riders.

The electronic shifting only occasionally drops the chain. And it locks you into the small ring and a single gear in the back when it runs out of power. So the bike doubles as the world's most expensive single-speed. I'm not sure why the review rode it in a grove. Enjoy!

Dooth said...

Holy merde! Besançon! I knew a chick from there (notice I didn't use the c-word) who said "oui oui " whilst enjoying the penetration of her cunt. Oh, well.

Piskian said...

Yep,"Cunt" is a relatively bad word for us Brits too,but thankfully we still say what we feel and don't fall back on hypocritical "fofonoving" comments and post-pubertal outpourings of excess genital fluids.
My 84 year old Cornish Grandmother calls sideburns,"Buggers Grips".and she's right.

Come at me bro said...

Well, my xmas list is done

Shirt for Wiggens:
http://www.zazzle.com/stop_being_a_cunt_t_shirt-235616277413010780


Shirt for Snob:
http://www.zazzle.com/cunt_tee_shirts-235303208187104947

JB said...

Put a belt-drive on the 32er, give a number, and I'll pay a couple of grand for it.

Bradley Wiggins said...

See, I lost 18 pounds, but am still powering at TT. And my dear teammate Froome, unknown a year ago, thin as a needle, keeps up with Evans in the climbs (yesterday), and beats the reigning TT world and Olympic champions (today).

It´s not "cunt", it´s AICAR.

The cunts are the idiots who believe this TdF is clean...

Quilled and Lugged said...

All this outpouring of four-letter words makes me feel right at home. Cunt is basically the UK equivalent of asshole (sorry, arse-hole) but has better plosive quality for those expletive moments.

Trolley said...

Bradley @4:02 - take it over to the Cyclingnews Clinic Forum, why don't you?

Anonymous said...

Took a brake from cruising porn
This site greeted me with scorn

'twas not engorged body parts;
it was Irving Welsh's art

Foul mouthed cronie wankers
messing with hypodermic pranksters

compare and contrast, see 'Merica
Wal-Mart 2 a healthy man: scare ya!

Saw Fofinov persuin' for a time
Not on NBC-to many adverts. Online!

Vegas said...

Yous guys are squares, everybody knows there are already CuntStrong bracelets:
Support Store-Wear Teal

Anonymous said...

he swears, who cares?

bikesgonewild said...

...yep..."cunt" - a simple pejorative regularly used in 'commonwealth' countries...

...here in "...canada's unkempt cunt...", 'cunt' tends to carry more weight...

...you can say to a woman - "...don't be a bitch..." & in the right situations, no biggy, it's soon forgotten...

...try "...don't be a cunt..." & pal, you've created an incident that could last a lifetime & involve a lawyer...


...as quilled n' lugged suggests, it's really no more than the equivalent of 'arsehole'...

...fucking wankers...

Anonymous said...

If two ton Toms and Tillies get on those 32" bikes and actually ride them on a regular basis, then kudos for Wallmart.

Warren Z said...

Send money cunts and lawyers


the shat has hit the fan ...

Babe Winklemen said...

3D video of Bradley Wiggins cunt ...

Yes thats right folks. Wiggins is a hermaphrodite.

He has an extremely small small pee-pee too. Must be all the vit-a-mins that he is taking.

This is a SALE item $99.99!

Anonymous said...

AICAR, it makes your cunt narrower and stronger:

http://www.velonation.com/News/ID/11395/Doping-AICAR-Telmisartan-and-the-need-for-vigilance.aspx

sop this up with some bread said...

You are the cuntiest cunt that ever cunted in this entire cuntry.

Cunty cunt cunt.

Cunt.

Anonymous said...

Coker Bikes make a 36" cruiser, and a penny farthing and uni cycle as well.

Anonymous said...

I would call Wiggins a douche, but that wanker should never be anywhere near a vagina or a cunt. It is sphincters like him that destroy and set cycling back hundreds of years. Wiggins, please go away and shut your your homely face.

bicyclegeek said...

Puss-eh.

Eazy E said...

Bradley Bitch-ens has more crabs than a seafood Platter.

Anonymous said...

recuntbabe?

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Fucking cunts are the best kind imho.

ashcroftchops said...

Fucking cunthooks

Anonymous said...

Gallon bottle of Jack, 1lb of wedge fries from the deli, bushmaster m4, ammo, ride off on a 32r, pick a better country!

Anonymous said...

Fofonov you cunts!

Anonymous said...

I've been trying to grow a cuntree for years in my backyard.
But I keep spilling my seed.

cadel evans said...

i hate sideburns

Perrico Delgado said...

Lol BSNY

bikesgonewild said...

..."...your cunt-ry, tis of thee,
sweet gash of liberty,
of thee i sing...
between your soft, smooth hips,
your sweet unfolding lips,
my tongue it gently slips,
'til your freedom rings..."
...

...just daydreamin'...

Cuntee Cullen said...

Jeez...now everyone's jumping on the cuntwagon.

S R Trout said...

I'm lovin' ALL of the comments, as well as the post. I will refrain from being a cunning linguist, except to say that those who build those walmart bikes are Considerably Underskilled Neo-Twats. And to think that I've applied there several times. Don't kids tear their own bikes apart and put them back together using parts of their sisters bikes anymore?
Ya, even as an American I can say what a trippy country this is. Still, gotta relve in the wierdness.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I guess nothing is off limits on this comment board, but that really is a vile, nasty and disrespectful word.

Dick Armey said...

Sorry, wiwm, the ladies see right through your points-scoring ploy.

McFly said...

Oh man Wiggo ditched the glasses and when he was coming across the line he looked identical to Randy Quaid. Uncanny.

amy! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hungry Panda said...

I refuse to buy a bike from walmart until they sell a bamboo framed penny farthing. Are you buyers at walmart listening? This is the wave of the future. Trust me.

3G said...

forteen, fivteen, sicksteen

Anonymous said...

sicksteen, svensteen, cuntsteen

Mike Hunt said...

I heard someone's looking for me?

leroy said...

My dog shops at Target, but uses the french pronunciation: Tar-jay.

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that BSNYC's time off has mellowed him?

McFly said...

How sweet would it have been if someone would've put the "Cunts" expletive on the teleprompter all Ron Burgandy style and Liam McHugh accidently read it when he was quoting that tweet?

CUNT OOPS

McFly said...

Leroy,
I have been saying Tar-jay for so long I cannot say it the other way.

Fivteen year old daughter said...

Scene:[Fivteen year old girl is about to lose virginity after a nice round of shooting]

"Easy daddy, your crushin' my Doral Lights. I told you not to get me softpacks no more."

Cark Mavendish said...

Wiggins is downright cuntankerous bitch now ain't he?

Sir H. W. Longdouche' said...

A fetid cunt by any other name ...

Would still require a major douche' bagging

Cunting Crow said...

Glenn Beck is the perfect example of an unscrupulous cunt, pandering to the base instincts of the uninformed. In fact, he's synonymous with every human genitals slur in all languages.

Cunting Crow said...

Glenn Beck is the perfect example of an unscrupulous cunt, pandering to the base instincts of the uninformed. In fact, he's synonymous with every human genitals slur in all languages.

Martin Amis said...

So there you have it, cunts have more traction than spondees.

Anonymous said...

London used to have several roads called 'Gropecunt Lane' I think that they should be reinstated as part of out Olympic celebrations
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gropecunt_Lane

Anonymous said...

London used to have several roads called 'Gropecunt Lane' I think that they should be reinstated as part of out Olympic celebrations
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gropecunt_Lane

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with bgw - in my part of the UK "cunt" is really quite naughty, to the extent that it cannot be uttered on UK TV till after 9pm. Yeah, it's that bad. Despite it being slang for the female genitalia, when used as a perjorative it is almost always directed at males. Criticising Wiggins for his outburst in reply to a particularly daft and provocative question, though, is in my opinion a bit of a cunt's trick.

Anonymous said...

Wankers

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 2:57am...cute, funny...& ya, when i use it, it's directed at guys...

...used it the other night...young guy, 30-ish, did something stupid so i "wtf"-ed him & he threw the usual "fuck you, dude" back, so i gave him my best' hard man stare', glaring straight in his eyes & spit out "you're a fucking cunt" with as much vehemence as i could muster...

...worked 'cuz it stopped there but i'm prob'ly lucky i didn't get my ass kicked...no doubt about it...

Bizonk said...

Allright, just to squash the conTROVersy... The Box(Cat?) just smelled so bad that I opened it up Sunday night. Certain healment advocates will probably be glad to learn that the box simply contained a tin of punctured tuna fish.

So Fu...uh... uh... uh.. uhhhKQ.

I would have mentioned yesterday morning but I watched that ITT.

Betr Ded thn SramRed said...

Martin Amis said...

So there you have it, cunts have more traction than spondees.

I don't think so... I think cunts kinda stick around while spondees benefit from a sort of monumental longevity. This, of course, excludes monumental cunts.

I'd also like to postulate that 32"ers are nothing more than a red blooded virulent sexy and relevant American response to those goddamn French using the Kilometer to measure these races! And I don't say that to be racist! They're just wrong!

It's just that competitors should be measured on their race first, phrenology next and after that if their... you know, subversive.

Trisha said...

Nice stuff! I'm enjoying reading your blog here!

McFly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Cunt!

Anonymous said...

Cunts are nice. I like cunts for various reasons and purposes. How did they get to be a swear word?

Anonymous said...

Comment not deleted

Anonymous said...

Finished reading. Now to find some cunt pics and wank. Just thot i'd share.

Anonymous said...

Walmarters are generally too fat and stupid to pose a serious threat, except to the insulin supply. So ends the rebellion.

Bugger Grips said...

120+ comments, we sure missed or little snobby!

McFly said...

Vaginal Shoreline=Cunt Riverbank

Vivian Swift said...

In Scotland, "cunt" can be used as an adjective, as in "It's a good thing that those cunting Wal-Mart shoppers are an ocean away."

McFly said...

Viv,
You have changed over the years. That is most definatley a good thing.

Martin Anus said...

This cuntillious line of humor is beginning to border on cuntillational cuntiality.

Anonymous said...

What is with Chris Froome's tyrannosaurus rex arms?

Oh yeah,

http://www.velonation.com/News/ID/11395/Doping-AICAR-Telmisartan-and-the-need-for-vigilance.aspx

Some relatively sane guy said...

Wal Mart is an alternate universe that sane people really should not visit. It's unhealthy on so many levels, but mostly it's just too fucking depressing. Also it's run by greedy cunts who would sell their grandmothers if they could.

Tar-zhay is a mom-and-pop hardware store in comparison.

Nikky said...

Wankers!

This cracks me up.

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gexhouse2 said...

In English speaking media markets, the sport of professional cycling continues to vie for mainstream acceptance. Sure, a few casual sports fans may turn their heads towards cycling during Tour de France time, but in order to hold their attention we need relatable riders with "hooks.

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