Owing to the rigorosities of my grueling (pronounced "groo-ELLING") touring schedule, the blog post into which I am typing words at this very moment will be brief, for I have aeroplanes to catch and BRAs to unhook and no time for the adding of any additional extraneous superfluous excessive verbiage.
I also don't have the luxury of thematic tangents and meanderings and need to keep to the point, which reminds me of this time many years ago when I was at the very first Lollapalooza festival at SPAC, and I left my seat to get a falafel. When I returned, security wouldn't let me bring the falafel back to my seat with me. Therefore, I was forced to consume the falafel in great haste so as not to miss the plaintive squealing and rhythmic gyrations of Perry Farrell or whoever was on stage at the time. However, in so doing, I accidentally consumed my ticket stub along with the falafel (it's easier than you'd think to eat a rain- and tahini-soaked ticket stub without noticing it), and it took a great deal of cajoling on my part to convince the security person to authorize my return.
So, right, this guy:
To cyclists everywhere, he is the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork, and his ubiquitous likeness is used to promote everything from charity rides to Canadian bread:
(Fred bread)
But did you know he also has a unicycling doppelganger? It's true, and I know this because I spotted him while wandering around Minneapolis yesterday:
By the way, it was quite a blustery day yesterday, and I should point out that he's unicycling into a pretty strong headwind:
That will probably compromise his time on Strava, or it's unicycling equivalent.
In any case, this preternaturally upright apparition in yellow has led me to advance a theory, which is this:
Somewhere in the world, each and every bicyclist has a unicycling doppelganger.
Think about it.
Immediately after experiencing this revelation, I crossed the Mississippi River:
Which was immediately familiar to me because I saw it in a movie once:
After crossing it, I descended a long staircase:
And then I kneeled at its bank and drank deeply to slake my thirst, and to experience communion with this legendary river that separates East from West:
I can't describe the spiritual sensation of imbibing the mystical waters of America's sweat rivulet, but I can describe the severe cramping, fever, and vomiting that came afterward. Fortunately for you, I won't. I will, however, boast about my own resiliency, for shortly thereafter I was burying my face in an enormous falafel sandwich:
I didn't eat any ticket stubs, but I am having trouble finding my cellphone.
Ultimately, this falafel was sufficient to fuel yesterday's ride, organized by Freewheel Bike Shop, as well as my BRA at the University of Minnesota Bookstore. Thanks very much to everybody involved and all who attended, and I'm now off to Madison where I hope to see some of you here:
I didn't eat any ticket stubs, but I am having trouble finding my cellphone.
Ultimately, this falafel was sufficient to fuel yesterday's ride, organized by Freewheel Bike Shop, as well as my BRA at the University of Minnesota Bookstore. Thanks very much to everybody involved and all who attended, and I'm now off to Madison where I hope to see some of you here:
Wednesday, March 28
5:30pm ride
Machinery Row
601 Williamson Street
Madison, WI 53703
(608) 442-5974
7:00pm
Barnes & Noble
7433 Mineral Point Road
Madison, WI 53717
(608) 827-0809
Yours truely,
Wildcat Rock Machine
WRM/rtms
cc: David Byrne
137 comments:
pode?
Wow this is early....
I'd like to thank my sponsor Australian Eastern Daylight Time.
top10
Six
Panties.
Hey, I'm not even at work yet! I'm wasting personal time! Top Ten?
WTF
Somebody put brownie weed in your falafel
Falafel? I hardly know her!
balls™
Dang! early riser on tour.
Re: Gates Carbon Drive, Mario Cipollini says, "A bike without an oily chain is like a peach without plentiful juices to run down your chin... and over your bare nipples".
Shwarma. No falafel. Shwarma.
16!
Good Morning.
Panties!
What! What!?
Fooken early.
Good thing I'm unemployed and watching 3 Days of De Panne.
Awesooome!!!!
*Yawn*, "What?"
I've never seen a bear ride a unicycle before, except that one time at the circus, and that one was wearing a skirt.
I believe the unicycling version of Strava is Strva.
I falafel about you eating your ticket stub.
scranus
Try some of that famous Wisconsin cheese.
29er unicycle? Pfft. The acceleration must be terrible.
Wait, the Mississippi river starts in Minnesota? Why isn't it the Minnesota river, then? Weird.
Anyway, the good parts of the Mississippi river are way further south. Up there it looks like any old river, narrow and windy.
Thanks for the extra words this morning on your travels!
wouldn't you need 2 unicycle doppelgangers for every bicyclist? or is that where the 'dopple' part of doppelganger comes into play?
cycle jerk ...
Just like a circle jerk but everyone is stradling carbon, has bibs on and is wearing a helmet.
D.D.S. cycle jerk ...
same as above excepting rides must cost +$6,ooo.
Every time I see a wheel-less frame locked to a rack I know the doppelgang has struck again.
Enjoy Madison!
Nipple
WCRM,
For future reference, Mr. Byrne prefers to be bcc-ed.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Lame! I have to work at Concourse Hotel at 6:00 PM or I would come ride with you guys at 5:30...
-Cody
Actually, there is a Minnesota River, and it joins the Mississippi here in the Cities, where it delivers a massive load of silt, nitrogen and post-emergent herbicides to the Father of Waters. Had Snob slaked his thirst downstream about five miles he would never had to worry about his pesky chickweed problem again and his scraggly beard would have grown thick, lush and green.
Are epic falafel stories the East coastie's version of epic burrito fables?
Scranus! It's so early I falafel. Yaaaawn, oh and Weed Panties.
36th? Ouch!
No Epic videos of the ride or bra?
Again, I must insist,return my "tariff" post hast!
cc: David Byrne
Ha!
@ JB: That's actually a 36" uni and one can easily travel at least Fred-speed on a 36. @mikeweb: It is not a bear either. His name is Max D. and TCUC (http://www.tcuc.org/)is one of the best clubs in the US with world ranked riders. Don't dis the uni 'till you can do it yourself and then say "Meh".
You only saw "National Lampoon's Vacation" ONCE???
"world ranked riders"
Forgive my ignorance. How are unicycle riders ranked?
Are there races? Skills contests? Style points?
Juggling? Best makeup? I'm slipping into irreverence here, help.
As snobby leaves the one train town of Mpls (pronounced Mipples) we wish him good luck in cheeseland.
-your Minnesota well wishers.
Thanks for the CC Snob, but where can I park my Hummer H1?
You are missing the great bicyle show at the Art Directors Club on 29th between 6th and 7th. All kinds of bike porn to smell and taste!
Forgive my ignorance. How are unicycle riders ranked?
Thank you for your question. Unicycle riders are ranked by the length of the scrape or scab on their scranus.
"You only saw "National Lampoon's Vacation" ONCE?"
It loops through my mind 24/7. That's how I roll.
This makes one day in a row with no boobie video links on BSNYC. I don't like this trend.
If this was twitter, you could have just said "eating a falafel". Plus, you'd know where your phone was. But then, who'd want to read that?
That's some nice looking falafel.
@ Anon 12:26: To be ranked they actually compete. The next international competition is UNICON XVI (http://www.unicon16.it/). No juggling is involved. Riders compete in many different skills. Unicyclists are "cyclists" in their own ability and dislike the "C" word (where make up might be useful).
tcuc's video with Jamie Cullum is must-see.
www.tcuc.org
my unicycle is like my fixed gear WITHOUT the training wheel..
www.tcuc.org
Ok. I am on it!
Ignorance fading...
Ok. That video has confirmed my suspicions. Thanks for that.
Red satin sashes. Tuxedo pants.
The site mentions races. Would someone post a link to a unicycle racing vid?
I'm imagining an epic bunch sprint.
How many of you have gone to a Snob BRA and introduced yourself to the man as "Anonymous"?
I don't want to be unoriginal when I present myself.
That is not the minneapolis river, or even the Mississippi, it is the Big Skanky, and you are really in Brooklyn. You are only having a dream.
@Anon 12:51 Max Schulze current world trials champion (http://vimeo.com/13113979) Unicon XV flatland finals (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TfEhZjoEFM) Racing is much harder to video and usually only the shorter distances have "sprints"
He meant World Rank Riders. The unicycle is to cycling what the tadpole is to the mighty bullfrog. If they made something more efficient and faster and still human powered(bicycle evolution level 201) I would ditch the "roadbike" and ride that new better contraption. ONEW HEEL
eaf* dudes
*"eating a falafel".
Has anyone built a unicycle with a Rolloff? That'd be so cool.
There are 2 speed hubs that allow a 1.5x multiplier. so a 36" wheel becomes effectively a 42". The fast riders ride these in the longer "unlimited" class races (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJCSrxESxVU)
hey ce (@8:53 and 8:57)
If you are working on Australian time, that would be ANTI-pode.
@Anon:
This is *bike* snob, not unicycle clown-snob. I've learned way too much about unicycling for one day.
Paul Bowen 12:43
...big piece of potato!
On to that bastion of liberal idiocy, the equivalent of fredville USA, madison wisconsin.
Snobbie started it with his photo. BTW Clown is the "C" word
As my brother, Beaver Bill always used to say, when he said anything at all, 'giardia is a biatch, dude'.
FRED BRED
eating pussy
...retro tri-dork fred sez "no loafing..."...
...wow...all the world's unicyclists are getting their 7 1/2 minutes of fame...
Wathcing a bunch sprint of uni's would be like trainwreck syndrome....it's hideous and awkward, yet I cannot look away.....
...i actually prefer clowns on unicycles...
...that way i know they're being paid to be goofy...
Like wow, dude, I can so not get my head around the idea that like the Canadians have a picture of that bicycle riding guy on their bread.
Now what am I supposed to do with the special edition Euros with Rob Ford's picture on them that CommieCanuck swore to me was Canadaian money?
My dog says it's my own fault. I should have known that no one prints cash with the motto "If it rains, take the subway I haven't built."
I don't mean to brag, but I can ride a unicycle, juggle and recite "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."
The part worth bragging about is that I don't.
Cipo likes a nice ripe peach!
I have a doppelganger in my panties.
This post has lead me to discover that yes Virginia, there are recumbent unicycles.
hungry now.
...i can't ride a unicycle or juggle but i have seen "in-a-gadda-da-vida" performed live...
...iron butterfly were no led zeppelin, believe me...
...just sayin'...
I really hate being bi-polar because it's sooOOOO AWESOME!!
Hey, I looked at your book in a shop yesterday. Looks good, no kidding. I didn't buy it, but I might. I bought your other one though, so don't get uptight if I read the new one at the library instead.
no stickers.
got frowns.
no boobie vid.
got clowns.
A Fred on a unicycle is a Larry.
say hello to lenny and squiggy while you're there and try the fried cheese curds.
I heard a rumor that Cipo can ride a unicycle, juggle, recite "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" and eat a juicy peach, or pussy.
He wanted to join TCUC, but they denied him on the grounds that his naked-only unicycling policy wasn't protected under the 1st amendment. Or the 2nd amendment. Plus they decided that his custom designed unicycle seat looked too much like a big vulva, though he insists the resemblance is only coincidental.
...'eat a peach' - allman brothers, 1972...
...but the allman brothers were no mario cippolini...
Too young to have seen Led Zeppelin live, but I have watched "The Sound Remains The Same". I can really only remember the manager yelling in his awesome English accent at a dude for selling unauthorized merchandise, Robert Plant on a white horse, and Robert Plant with jeans to tight they looked like they would burst.
Does Iron Butterfly fail to measure up because they have insufficiently tight pants? Or no horses? Or no yelling, sweaty band managers?
'cuz the man out there
might be your man
I don't know
edible panties ...
Flavour; mango & free range organic clit juices and squeez'ins
Unicycle or Un I cycle.
You decide.
7 1/2 minutes of fame...
Nothing But Net, BGW!
Booya...
Billy,
You need to read "Hammer of the Gods".
...when all the baggage has been tossed & all the hyperbole burned to the ground, led zeppelin still stands tall...
...that's all i'm sayin'...
LeRoy, hang onto that money, Mitt Romney will be in charge soon.
No argument about the iconic status of Led Zeppelin, but "The Song Remains the Same" is unquestionably on of the top 5 worst cinematic experiences I have ever had the misfortune to witness.
It is the "Ishtar" of the concert film genre.
Greg Alman drank Sonny Bonos peach flavored milk shake.
wiwm - I have a soft spot for TSRTS myself, having first seen it at the impressionable age of 11...I could totally buy into the cod-Tolkein and all that at that age. But the other DVD of Led Zeppelin that is out kicks some serious butt. Billy, the word is mojo. Or sex. Or both.
BTW, just saw my first 'One Less Fixie' sticker - on a folding bike.
Bay Area, don'tcha just love it?
Hehe, unicycle lead-out for the ton up.
Anyone drafting here?
Pulling off 200 yards to go
Coasting through then
uhh... 11!
...i could tell you a story about how duane allman's girlfriend 'graced' bgw's presence, ohhh so many years ago, down in the city of lost angels, back when the band was still called 'allman joy' but honestly, that just wouldn't be nice...
...besides...as good as they were (& she was) they were no led zeppelin...
CCing David Byrne and passing up Milwaukee on the way to Chi-town? tsk-tsk.
@BGW, Cher?! Or do I have the wrong time frame?
...nah, cher was greg's chick many years later...
...i had no idea who the band was 'cuz nobody knew 'em yet & i had no idea what was up but i turned out to be 'the surrogate - the ringer' when ol' duane was spending all his time in the studio...
...look at my avatar photo & compare it to an early one of duane allman...
...all i knew was a beautiful, friendly blonde girl took me by the hand, said "smoke this & come with me..."...i did...
Don't forget to eat some cheese curds while you're in WI.
I am a big fan of this place Minneapolis and would like to be part of it as it is very happening place.
No falafel. Klavkalash. Klavkalash. No mountain dew. Only crzb juice.
*Crab* (doh!). By the way, long time reader, first time posting. Howdy folks! :)
BGW,
I once got drunk with the drummer from RATT. Your story is much, much, much better than mine......as usual.
The Allman Brothers are the only reason my teenage self liked "Southern" Rock at all. Then came Lynrd Skynrd and the rest of 'em. Blech! Even The Allmans, after Duane died, are pretty hard to listen to for more than a couple songs.
Led Zeppelin on the other hand, I could listen to alllll day long.
Be that as it might, "Statesboro Blues" is one of the best live recordings of any rock song in the entire history of forerver. "I'm going to the country, baby do you wanna go? If you can't make it darlin', yo sister Lucille say she wanna go."
See go rhymes with go...lyrical geniuseseseseses.
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Rick 1:33, I hereby claim comment 115 as the Antipodean Antipodium!
Hi WCRM,
Fred from Planet Tridork has been striking again:
http://news.decathlon.de/decathlon/2011_Trocathlon/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/HG-1.jpg
Have fun!
A Brompton rider
Sharting scranal monkey balls.
Sharting scranal monkey balls.
I was surprised that you were OK after drinking the water from the river. Then came the next sentence and all became clear:)
Hope you enjoyed the ticket-free falafel:))
Since there is a Madison related post I want to put this here. Tonight I may have witnessed the beginning of a new cycle related trend: Seatless riding! No seat, seatpost or anything. Either that, or it was an isolated emergency situation.
The Seinfeld episode in which Elaine is in the Bizarro World: where Jerry had his bicycle hanging on the wall, Kevin had a unicycle.
hello I find great photos I love the site
Love that movie.
............Nice..^_^v................
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