Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Spehshul* Announcement! (And other stuff.)

*(Spelling of "special" altered due to pending litigation by Specialized.)

The year was 2010. An obscure Brooklyn bike blogger published a book called "Bike Snob." Despite containing not a single delicious casserole recipe, "Bike Snob" immediately rocketed to the top slot of the New York Times best seller list, and in the ensuing months went on to outsell the Bible, the Talmud, and "Horton Hears a Who" combined. This whirlwind of publishing success continued until the author's ill-fated "Oprah" appearance, during which he claimed to be "bigger than Zoroaster" and then, while jumping up and down on the couch wildly, accidentally kicked Oprah in the face. The author is unwelcome in Iran to this day.

If you haven't yet figured it out, this bike blogger was me, or I, or myself, or whatever the correct grammer is. Despite the controversy I enjoyed writing and publishing a book so much I went ahead and wrote another one, and it will be in bookstores by April 2nd of this year. Here's what it will look like when viewed from the front:

Here's what it will look like censoring a naked lady on a recumbent:


And here's what it will look like when you take it home and read it in the bathroom:

Like my last book, this one is published by Chronicle, so you can rest assured that fit and finish will be top notch. Also like the last book, you can rest assured it's all new and original material and that you have never read it before unless either you have broken into my house or you are this guy and you can travel through time. As for what it's about, it's merely a humorous bike-themed exploration of the human condition from prehistoric times until today that contains the secret to everlasting happiness. I think you will enjoy it, unless you were hoping for a biography of Benjamin Franklin, in which case you may be profoundly disappointed.

Again, the book will be in stores by April 2nd, but if you're inclined to pre-order it you can do so now through:



and


Also, as you may recall, back in 2010 when "Bike Snob" came out I visited a number of cities and made various Book-Related Appearances, or "BRAs." These BRAs were tremendously enjoyable to me, and I'd like to think they were also fun for everyone who was kind enough to attend. Well, with this book Chronicle are going to send me out once again, only they're not sure where, and to that end they're soliciting recommendations as to where I should go this time around. So if you have a good idea for a BRA, simply leave it in the comments below, which they will be reading (Lob help them), and they will use it to determine whether or not to force me to go to your city.

Just to be clear, this request for tour stop recommendations is completely sincere. Nevertheless, I fully realize various joke suggestions are bound to appear anyway, so for my publisher's sake I'll just go ahead and pre-empt some of the more obvious ones:

--Send BSNYC to Scranus, PA
--Send BSNYC to Uranus
--Send BSNYC to Libya
--Send BSNYC to the Fukushima nuclear reactor
--Send BSNYC to Cleveland

Please, Lob, don't let it be Cleveland.

Of course, if I do come to your city, I will endeavor to make the visit as much fun as possible (even if it's Cleveland), and to get my hands on some good bikey stuff to give away, and to work in a bicycle cycling ride of some kind.

Thanks very much for your readership and your gratuitous scranus jokes, and I'm looking forward to seeing you in the various weird, scary, beautiful, and smug places that are not New York.



Moving on, further to yesterday's post in which I mentioned those Budnitz Bicycles (which I'm free to find silly since last time I checked this is AMERICA), one reader left an indignant comment (as is his or her right since last time I checked this is AMERICA):

Anonymous said...

Wow...you people are absolutely clueless to the contributions that Paul has made in the modern art world. This man is a visionary that supports the arts and the people around him. Just because he has never actually made the bikes doesn't mean that he shouldn't take credit for the daft designs that will live on for eternity.
When I made a design for a Dunny I didn't craft each and everyone as that would be a big waste of time. Paul understands design and who he can talk to to get things made.
Further more all the references to No 1 and No 2 are immature and sophomoric. Grow up!

It won't be long before all of you will be wishing you bought one because they are limited.

JANUARY 10, 2012 2:52 AM

First of all, nobody's criticizing Budnitz for not fabricating his own bikes--I think most of us would agree that having Lynskey build them is the only smart decision he's made. I also admit I'm not familiar with Budnitz's contributions to the modern art world, but as far as I can tell they mostly consist of these:

Even if I thought this stuff was artistically valid and not just a pointless anime-meets-Noid brainfart, I'm not sure why that would mean I should also respect his bikes. Nelson Mandela made some pretty important contributions to the world too, but that doesn't mean if he designed a bike it wouldn't suck. And as far as the whole "limited" thing, clearly the commenter has never heard of NAHBS. Bike dorks don't get excited about "limited" unless it's a single one-of-a-kind bike hand-fabricated specifically for their own crotchal dimensions by a Portlander with interesting facial hair .

In all honesty though, I would have forgotten about the Budnitz bikes by now if I hadn't also visited their site and read this:

They roll so godd*mn fast that we actually had to adjust the gearing on our first production models because traditional gear ratios moved too slowly.

Yeah, you know, "traditional gear ratios." I'm sure we all agree on exactly what those are--especially for a lobsided titanium hybrid named after a euphemism for going to the bathroom. Then came this:

Even better, our bicycles don’t add anything you don’t need. In a way, they actually add less.

So, $6,000 for less than you need. That's 17 words just to say "fuck you" to your customers. Pretty wasteful for a minimalist.

In other news of unpainted metal vehicles, Hans of Komet Club Rouleur (who kindly had me over to Gothenburg, Sweden last spring) recently sent me this photograph taken by a friend at a Bay Area cyclocross race:

I think it goes without saying who the owner is:


While another reader has forwarded me what could very well be the greatest disembodied hand shot ever taken:

Now that's a contribution to modern art.

589 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 400 of 589   Newer›   Newest»
MBenson said...

If you claim you're enlightened I'mafuckinkillya.

MBenson said...

Oh yeah, page turn!

9 pm bikes said...

Come to Madison, Wis.!

1. You haven't been here
2. Lots of readers and cyclists
3. You could do half the Bone Ride in the spring from Milwaukee to Madison and back and hit two big Wis cycling cities
4. Madison is home to National CX Championships
5. Madison would have hosted the Olympic cycling events if Chicago hadn't sucked up its 2016 bid so much (fuck Chicago).
6. Madison is home to Just Coffee, which brews your namesake brew.
7. We are smug AND almost always drunk
8. Trek is an easy ride away; you could see the birthplace of the (world's greatest) Madone.
9. Also home to lots of other cycling companies -- Saris, Pacific Cycle, Planet Bike, etc.
10. you'll like biking the countryside around here.

Anonymous said...

Stay out of Florida! We're overrun as it is.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Since NYC is not an option, I'll recommend the places mentioned which I've visited:
Ft.Collins, San Francisco, Chicago, Detroit, Oakland, Denver, Rochester, Philly.

Maybe_4_A_Dollar said...

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=dingus+kentucky&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x8844432b58688a15:0xefcf05731c608879,Dingus,+KY&gl=us&ei=Z44MT5K3LOjA2gXF3dzeBw&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CB4Q8gEwAA

Dingus, Kentucky!

A mecca for someone who loves silly and possibly suggestive names.

Anonymous said...

Austin? Better yet, San Antonio. The riding is better w/less douchey smugness. And better Mexican food

Chris Bollinger said...

--Send BSNYC to Fairbanks, AK

Seriously. Send him up to visit the world capital of winter cycling. Preferably in the complete dead of winter so he can ride a fat bike and understand why they are necessary in some places. Fixie free guaranteed.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Streepo,

As a product of the SUNY system I went to Albany voluntarily. Or semi-voluntarily.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Austin? Better yet, San Antonio. The riding is better w/less douchey smugness. And better Mexican food

Chris Bollinger said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Second coming of Cuomo said...

Spare the agony of a gas guzzling aeroplane ride full of plus sized 'Mericans only to find yourself dumped in some homogenous backwater like Naptown. No my friend, you should load up the wagon and head north! Where else can you visit Athens, Cairo and Rome in just a few short hours? Plus, with only a slight detour to lovely Saratoge Springs, you can talk at the chariot factory itself! I'm sure I can arrange for a room full of dentists to attend. You'll leave in stitches!

Anonymous said...

Please come back to Seattle. I promise if we eat epic burritos at Mama's Dirty Randy won't be quite so drunk this time.

Anonymous said...

Chalk up one more for a BRA in Minneapolis please!

Anonymous said...

Tour de Cure at Lake Nona, Florida. March 18, 2012. You can do a "Charity Ride" with us since you mention them so frequently in your blogging space. Also, it will be warm, but not hot.

crosspalms said...

@9pm bikes,
Chicago actually had the Olympics in the bag till Homeland Security decided having cheeseheads less than 90 miles away (think Florida and Cuba) was too great a threat. Did I mention we have a bike lane?

Lucky Man said...

You would certainly secure your douchebag status by doing a BRA in Boulder. Denver is where the real cyclists ride. It would be so cute to do a BRA at the REI Denver Flagship store. I'd be more than happy to get you in on a Rocky Mountain Cycling Club ride, I'm pretty sure most of those guys have no idea who you are. But they do organize fun group rides.

Lucky Man said...

You would certainly secure your douchebag status by doing a BRA in Boulder. Denver is where the real cyclists ride. It would be so cute to do a BRA at the REI Denver Flagship store. I'd be more than happy to get you in on a Rocky Mountain Cycling Club ride, I'm pretty sure most of those guys have no idea who you are. But they do organize fun group rides.

Anonymous said...

why why so so many many double double posts posts?

John Prowse said...

I'd be willing to ride for 4 hours to attend a BSNY BRA,
so please have one within 20 miles of Vancouver BC

I am not a lynsky engine said...

On those budnitz "art things" - One mans art is another mans useless chotchkies.

Unfortunately a good bike is a little less subjective. Titanium frame, belt drive, weird geometry, big wheel, huge price tag. Doesn't seem like a good deal, or like something that will be revered for generations.

My barber just told me he is now a stylist, and charging twice as much. I told him to call himself a designer. He can draw me a picture of my hair cut, and charge me 10 times more.

Anonymous said...

Another vote for Bend, OR. MBA-named best mtb town, most brewpubs per capita, outlandish assortment of Freds on display. And when we ride (after a thorough safety debriefing, there's a good chance of getting stomped by Chris Horner or Adam Craig or Ryan Trebon - which is always nice.

StoneDeadland

Conceptual artist said...

This is a description of the drawing I would do of your haircut if I were an actual artist instead of a conceptual artist. That'll be $5,000 please.

Milwaukee bikepolar said...

Blaming us for the loss of the Chicago Olympics is just wrong, and somewhat mean.

Now if you would have Mitt instead of Daley run them, I am sure the Olympic committee would have come to a different conclusion.

Anonymous said...

I suggest a BRA at 9 Prospect Park West, Penthouse A.

Domino said...

Stay away from Pittsburgh! We have a great trail to and from DC, but there is no trail for like two miles... So, I guess we don't actually have a trail. Plus, apparently we are "hip" now, so please stay away!

CAMPIONE CYCLES CALGARY said...

Three for Calgary Alberta Canada!!!! Kensington Books!!!! Plus we are getting pengins in our zoo soon. The Carls here are always surprisingly hot!

aquacode said...

Chicago, please.

aquacode said...

Chicago, please!

DogShot said...

Third tip of the chapeau for Dayton, OH. Adventure Capital of the Midwest, don't ya know. Gary Fisher will be in town on Feb. 10th so if it's good enough for him, well . . . Bronze medal cycle friendly city to boot.

Blog Drafter said...

Artists hate it whenever you remind them their work only has perceived value. At least the #2 has some utilitarian value, as opposed to the Mona Lisa, let's say, who's actual value is somewhere around $25.00 but who's perceived value is somewhat higher than that.

Anonymous said...

Send Snob to the bathroom with a copy of Eldon's new book.

Hans said...

You're more than welcome to join us again for Göteborgs Cykelfestival 2012!

Balanchine said...

There's a tutu in your book's title.

Anonymous said...

DC is chock-full of smugness. You can take some home with you in a bag.

g-roc said...

Anon 2:02 - I have, and it most certainly was. Still, I believe everyone deserves a second chance. This time I'll be prepared with a hastily scrawled note, saying "no talking, just sign the damned book, woosie".

ervgopwr said...

A whales vagina, or as we call it San Diego.

I'll host it at the Blind Lady Ale House, which is not far from our Velodrome.

BRA@ BLAH

Fred Clydesdale said...

PLEASE SEND BSNYC TO WASHINGTON DC!

i will of course not be in attendance, since my fear of contracting bird flu has kept me indoors for the past three years. but i would love to see bsnyc shine his trademark humor on the peoples and monumentals of the area, comparing them to various crotchal appendages or orifices, as appropriate. or inappropriate.

Matt said...

Minneapolis. We're all disoriented and dispirited after having prepared to be all self-righteous about what hardasses we are riding through a northern winter and instead we're having 50 and sunny. Now those studs on my tires just sound sad and delusional. A BRA would help raise our spirits. Otherwise, we'll just be like recumbabe; braless.

Anonymous said...

Come to Atlanta

Marcel Da Chump said...

Now I have to add Baltimore, Milwaukee and Albany to the list. And as a fellow SUNY-(ite?) I'll have to include my alma mater, NEW PALTZ!

Anonymous said...

According to Amazon.com, your book is coming out on 3/21/12, which is the middle day of the League of American Bicyclists' Bike Summit here in Washington, DC. Just think of the potential sales! Plus material for a whole blog entry or three on the folkways of bike activists.

Anonymous said...

+1 to the 3 requests for a BRA in Madison.

Also close enough to Chicago or MSP for a visit to those cities.

During the nicer months of the year the riding is good too!

Anonymous said...

Retro fred does not drive a Delorean he drives a Subaru, the lone wolf however drives a Delorean with flux capacitor.

Anonymous said...

Retro fred does not drive a Delorean he drives a Subaru, the lone wolf however drives a Delorean with flux capacitor.

Tracey said...

Now you GOTTA come to Cleveland! If we’re good enough for Bob Roll, then we’re good enough for the likes of you. http://bit.ly/fShF7u

wishiwasmerckx said...

230 comments without a single suggestion to hit up LAS VEGAS? Sure, the local cycling scene sucks ass, but if the publisher is footing the bill, you may as well come to America's "party central..."

BTW, we are embarrassed to admit it, but that indeed is not the real Caesar's Palace...

Anonymous said...

If you come to San Diego, I will take you to the donkey sex show in Tijuana.

Anonymous said...

Fuck Las Vegas
Driving a bike in that town is akin to committing suicide. Please pick a biek friendly town, like San Diego.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Deadamau5 wants to know if anybody has the phone number for Specialized's lawyers on account of how much Budnitz's dollys resemble a certain world-class DJ.

Blog Drafter said...

Send Snob and Banya to an intimate booking signing in a nice NYC restaurant. Banya's choice, of course.

Dawn said...

Please, please, please come to Memphis, TN! Pleeeeeease!!

furtherMT said...

Come ride with the Wolfpack in Bozeman, MT. Maybe SamH can track down Sur L'Herbe, which is probably sitting around in some front yard with PBR cans impaled on it's antlers. We promise shenanigans will ensue. Not to mention your appearance would surely be front page news in our lovely hamlet.

Blog Drafter said...

oops, book signing!

Anonymous said...

Vancouver BC, check out the North Shore while you're here and try some of the best mountain bike trails in the world, or just watch other people falling down. AND we're hosting Velo-City 2012 in June! http://www.velo-city2012.com/

Hophead said...

Bring your BRA to Los Angeles! The cycling is good and the beer is even better.

Drink said...

Climax, Georgia

Randy said...

Cleveland or bust!

Drink said...

Erect, North Carolina

TheTye said...

Send him to Sacramento CA.

I couldn't make it to San Francisco last time around.

Pretty Please

Brian said...

Snobby, bring your BRA to Salt Lake City! Lots of fantastic riding here.

Anonymous said...

Camden F-ing New Jersey!

No hipsters, no smugness, just lots of violence and sadness. We also set the place ablaze every Halloween. What's not to love.

Drink said...

Dickshooter, Idaho

April said...

It feels silly to even say this, but: Portland!

Drink said...

New Erection, Virginia

Drink said...

Big Beaver, Pennsylvania

Drink said...

Hooker Hole, Louisiana

Drink said...

Buttzville, New Jersey

Drink said...

Condom, France

James said...

Gainesville, FL! There's tons of cyclists without the hassle of a big city. We have a great mixture of college hipsters, freds, mountain bikers, and eco hippies. Also, we have plenty of sun, bike lanes and trails. Seriously, lots of sun. Everyone was wearing shorts yesterday.

Drink said...

Pussy, France

Drink said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dildo,_Newfoundland_and_Labrador

Horny said...

Stay in New York!
Head uptown to Inwood, you can foff off at the corner of Semen and Cumming.

Anonymous said...

Poughkeepsie. Everyone loves to go to Poughkeepsie!

And you can take the train there too.

Anonymous said...

Send BSNYC to ALBUQUERQUE. New Mexico. Not the one in Spain. Although they'd probably like him there, too. There's only one independent bookstore left in town, though: Bookworks. But plenty o'bike shops willing to host, likely. Fixed and Free would be happy to have you (which would be fine irony), Two Wheel Drive, the Coop (but it's small), the Kickstand...well, your publishers can figure that out.

ConArtist said...

bring your talents to D.C. What we lack in 'actual speed' on bikes we make up for in gear spending to get us there. Which translates to peeps buying your book. Don't be afraid, Rick Perry is in New Hampshire for now...

thegock said...

BRA=Hilltop Bicycle Summit NJ

leroy said...

The lobby in front of the Oyster Bar under Grand Central Station would be an ideal place for a book reading.

If you whisper into the corner of the lobby, your voice travels up the archway and across the vaulted ceiling into the corner diagonally opposite where folks can hear you plain as day.

And afterwards, you can get shellfish.

(Even if you don't do a book reading, this is a good place to impress kids and out of towners with the arcane aspects of New York.))

Anonymous said...

Compton

LK said...

Will the BRA Tour 2 be accompanied by music makers and puppies?

How about Beijing. Then you can go down-under and let us know which way the wheels really spin.

Mountyman said...

For the love of all that is holy, Cleveland has been cursed enough... So how about any of the eastern suburbs of this surprisingly bike-friendly community? I'm referring to Cleveland of course!

Anonymous said...

hey snob, you should check out Stradatti on goole images (italian bike manufaturer)...they have a nice way of holding bikes up for photo shoots. its the kind of pics Mario Cipollini would choose if he was the marketing director!

Anonymous said...

WRM,

Please, give us a memorable BRA in the earliest U.S. domestic Portland: Portland, Maine. We have bikeen. We brew artisanal mead. Ripe for the taking.

Anonymous said...

oops, i meant *stradalli

Nametag said...

9.32kg=(10.55lb)?Only if you're a pretentious arty type.And as for titanium being in any way green,that would only be the case if you willfully ignored how ti is mined and refined.Ain't a dirtier metal out there...Otherwise I think those bikes are kinda cool...even though #2 mixed with 69 are not my thing...

yogisurf said...

Snobby, I suggest San Diego, California. We have good weather, epic burritos, beautiful godzillas and they found gold here once. That's GOLD, Kenny, GOLD. There's more dentists / Freds on titanium / crabon bikes in North County San Diego than you can shake your pant yabbies at. I will personally hand deliver stacks of flyers announcing the BRA to 10 LBS's, at your or Vito’s request. Now excuse me, I have to do something with my $6,000 No. 2.

Anonymous said...

Chattanooga! It's the hidden jewel of the South, and we have lots of bike commuters who would like to meet you.

Bosanova Bill said...

Dear Snob of New York Bikes,

You should totaly come to Minneapolis, MN for your next BRA and Hang with the Minnesota Faction!
http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=206128366147489&id=1033093590&notif_t=share_reply#!/groups/27751977884/

Paul Bowen said...

London: where the only thing warmer than the welcome is the beer. Seriously though, come on over and ride the Alps of Kent with us.

Vitusdude said...

Too lazy to check all the comments to see if someone said----Come to DC. If not, come to DC. If so, come to DC.

Anonymous said...

Atlanta! Please come to Atlanta!

yogisurf said...

Wildcat Rock Machine...I counted 5, yes, FIVE, votes for San Diego. And with a Dirty Sanchez and Donkey Show thrown in...well, lets ignor those offers understanding that you are a family many now.

yogisurf said...

Plan a rendezvous in Intercourse, PA. It’s down the highway from Bliss.

halo_out_of_reach said...

Snob,

Appears to me that people seem to think you will be funny in person and want to give you things. That creeps me out.

Meredith said...

Boulder! But please don't make us go to Boulder Cyclesport to see you, they're douchebags. Sports Garage is cool though.

Sàyer said...

LOOK ma, a disembodied hand!

Someone Else From Toronto said...

Definitely come to Toronto.

jnorton said...

MPLS. Mpls. Tiny Polis... The home/launch pad of Prince, Soul Asylum, Husker Du, that kid LeMond, and some others. We'll pretend we didn't win the marketing battle w/ Portland West for 'best' cycling city.

Lots of good rides, lots to mock and skewer.

Jeremy

Anonymous said...

How's about you come visit Barnsley in Yorkshire. It's cold and not right nice, yah'd love it!

Clare said...

Knoxville, TN! If not there, then Asheville, NC. Ride with us Smoky Mountain people!

Spartan said...

300!

Tea-coo said...

Baltimore would love to have you come visit!

Eric M. Larsson said...

Stop by Longfellow Books in the original Portland.

bikeguyboston said...

Boston! With a blossoming bike culture, and assholes for drivers, how could you go wrong.
No shortage of new material here.

crosspalms said...

@Randy,
Why not both?

Anonymous said...

Another vote for Chi-town. The Dash hound of Time wills it!

robbyking/rfsswa said...

Come to Athens, GA!

We have a surprisingly strong cycling community, and some really good bikes shops (and independent book stores) that would love to host you. (You'll even get ATL spillover.)

rudy jenkins said...

Send BSNYC to Mexico City, Mexico.

Anonymous said...

Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill area for a BRA! Hey, 42% of the population has a BA degree, so you know we can reed buks. And ride fixies.

Anonymous said...

while you're in hotlanta you might as well swing down to the pooper of the panhandle, pensacola, florida. we don't have any good book stores but we got us a new li-bary and you could put your book in it. i don't think anyone here knows who you are though.

Anonymous said...

I suggest a beer sponsor; means free beer and intriguing conversation afterwards

Tim said...

London BRA would be awesome - there's a friendly chap called Graeme in Chronicle's London office who might be able to help arrange it.

Anonymous said...

Come to Cluj, Romania. It'll be boring, but there must be at least four people reading your blog in this country. That's like... almost five.

Michael Asay said...

Please send BikeSnobNYC to that bookstore lampooned on Portlandia.

petrus said...

I promise not to wear a bra to your BRA if you come to DC....

Anonymous said...

I suggest a beer sponsor; it means free beer and intriguing conversation afterwards

Johnny Cash said...

"I've Been Everywhere"


I was totin' my pack along the dusty Winnemucca road,
When along came a semi with a high an' canvas-covered load.
"If you're goin' to Winnemucca, Mack, with me you can ride."
And so I climbed into the cab and then I settled down inside.
He asked me if I'd seen a road with so much dust and sand.
And I said, "Listen, I've traveled every road in this here land!"

[Chorus:]
I've been everywhere, man.
I've been everywhere, man.
Crossed the desert's bare, man.
I've breathed the mountain air, man.
Of travel I've had my share, man.
I've been everywhere.

I've been to:
Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota,
Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota,
Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma,
Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, La Paloma,
Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo,
Tocapillo, Baranquilla, and Perdilla, I'm a killer.

[Chorus]

I've been to:
Boston, Charleston, Dayton, Louisiana,
Washington, Houston, Kingston, Texarkana,
Monterey, Faraday, Santa Fe, Tallapoosa,
Glen Rock, Black Rock, Little Rock, Oskaloosa,
Tennessee to Tennesse Chicopee, Spirit Lake,
Grand Lake, Devils Lake, Crater Lake, for Pete's sake.

[Chorus]

I've been to:
Louisville, Nashville, Knoxville, Ombabika,
Schefferville, Jacksonville, Waterville, Costa Rica,
Pittsfield, Springfield, Bakersfield, Shreveport,
Hackensack, Cadillac, Fond du Lac, Davenport,
Idaho, Jellico, Argentina, Diamantina,
Pasadena, Catalina, see what I mean-a.

[Chorus]

I've been to:
Pittsburgh, Parkersburg, Gravelbourg, Colorado,
Ellensburg, Rexburg, Vicksburg, Eldorado,
Larimore, Admore, Haverstraw, Chatanika,
Chaska, Nebraska, Alaska, Opelika,
Baraboo, Waterloo, Kalamazoo, Kansas City,
Sioux City, Cedar City, Dodge City, what a pity.

[Chorus]

Vannevar said...

BRA at Pittsburgh; it's the anti-Cleveland!

plus, with the Steelers, the Pirates, and the Penguins failing to excite, we're looking for a new Sports Personality to fetishize. That could be you!

Seriously. Pittsburgh. Then ride your bike to DC on the trail and do a BRA in dc.

Anonymous said...

Grammer?

Anonymous said...

Minneapolis, please!

Anonymous said...

BSNYC to Greenpoint

Anonymous said...

BSNYC to Foundation

Anonymous said...

BSNYC to Mengoni

Anonymous said...

BSNYC to Adler

Anonymous said...

BSNYC to AYHSMB

No. 4 from Vancouver said...

Vancouver, BC - you're up to a guaranteed audience of *4*.

Granted, the visa restrictions are stiff, and you may have difficulty re-entering AMERICA.

(oh no, I said "stiff"... and "re-entering").

JB said...

Dear bike-book marketing conern:

Please have the Snob ride his Big Dummy cross-country with a new BRA each day. It will drum up PRESS COVERAGE for the book and help you get a BONUS at the end of the year.

He will say he doesn't want to leave his family for that long. However, a Big Dummy Covered Wagon attachment will allow the little lady and mini-Snob to ride along and also turn the bike into a GREEN Flotilla of Maximum Smugness and Familial Harmony (tm) resulting in several local morning TELEVISION stories and SALES of many books.

Please handle.

crosspalms said...

anon 4:21
Yes, Grammer, Indiana. It's on the tour.

Runs with Beer said...

I think you should come to either Old Brooklyn, Ohio or Tremont, Ohio... way cooler then Cleveland, Ohio (you could then visit Slavic Village, Ohio and see the new Velodrome they are building there).

a boy named Sue said...

How about making it a cross-country bus tour á la Ken Kesey and his merry pranksters? For the pranksters--your funniest commenters (you know who they are).

Unknown said...

Send BSNYC to Scattantle!

er, Seattle

Anonymous said...

San Antonio! Most of us can't read or ride bikes but we can party like few other stick in the mud cities. Believe it or not we are the 7th largest city here in Canada's dinkleberry.

No. 6 from Vancouver said...

Hmm... I guess I was #6 from Vancouver - I missed the 200+ comments page.

*hangs head in shame*

Still... SIX (6)! Not too bad - better than your last BRA isn't it?

Anonymous said...

I vote for Bismarck North Dakota. No one will show up for the pre-talk ride and the only people who will show up for the talk will be a few homeless people there for the refreshments. Duplicate in other cities across the country. Screw Portland, Denver, Boston, NYC, etc.
I am not joking.

le Correcteur said...

Fookin A! 334 comments; if no one intervenes, I'm 335. Not just pack fodder; I'm lanterne rouge all the way! Oh, visit Santa Fe, NM: not sure if there are enough bikey hipsters, but there's tons to make fun of!

Big Charlie said...

And make him document each and every day on crazyguyonabike.com. That's right, every day. Even if it rains.

ladymtbiker said...

Please come to Boston. There are oodles of bookstores and bike shops, and if you play your cards right, you could be the first man ever to ride with the women of NEBC on our Tuesday Women's Ride. I can hook you up-- I know a gal...

http://nebc.us/rides/tuesday-night-womens-ride/

Jim said...

Vegas baby! Please not during interbike though, that already sucks. Try Nu Vision Cyclery.

Dave Loggins said...

Please come to Boston for the spring time.

Anonymous said...

Longmont Colorado. Or, if Longmont's too upscale, Greeley.

All the super fit Boulderites can ride in for your gig. The Fortfunsters can do the same. Denver can just suck ma balls.

Longmont needs some Love and Stories. It's been on a bummer recently.

krazygl00 said...

Washington DC Please!!!

Unknown said...

I hope the new book's corners aren't as dangerous as your last one. Those things were so sharp and hard they could kill someone!

AnotherCanuck said...

Bring yer BRA to Vancouver!
You could suffer up our mountains in the morning, then cruise the rollers on Zero Ave in the afternoon. And there's mountain biking too!

Anonymous said...

344!

Dorothy said...

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

Muddler said...

Portland.
A pow wow with the Butlers!

Bikewritercat said...

Congratulations on the book--and your good sense to reach out to the dachshund community. Short cranks, yes, but they spin exceedingly fast.

I assume the second book will be based on much the same alphabet as the first?

Anonymous said...

for god's sake, santa cruz california! i know a black market, you could probably hail on the floor.

Andy said...

--Come to Norfolk, VA for a BRA. We want to see whether your Big Dummy will fit thru this gate:
http://hamptonroads.com/2011/09/cyclists-protest-norfolk-light-rails-new-safety-gate

Tad said...

Come to Athens, GA for a BRA. We're one of the few cities in the south that likes bikes. And a pretty sweet criterium in April. Coincidence? I think not!

Oscar Madison said...

You're an enlightened cyclist?

Olivia Charles III said...

DC!!! You should come to DC! It's our national capital. And we have some bike lanes. And people in suits. EVERYONE LOVES PEOPLE IN SUITS.

Anonymous said...

Chattanooga, because it's better than Antarctica.

Anonymous said...

good post today, boring comment section.

Sarah W. said...

Nashville, Tennessee!

PK said...

MPLS, the place I like best.

Anonymous said...

Please come to Boston for the spring time.
I'm stayin' here with some friends
And they've got lots of room.
You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk
By a cafe where I hope to be workin' soon.
Please come to Boston.

Anonymous said...

Iowa City, IA for the BRA. We ride bikes!

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Bikesnot,

Reading this blog, as is the law of the lobster, in my artisanal outhouse and
wondering if the new book is really vertically stiff and horizontally compliant
and….oh, no…what the f… is that…oh man!...I think I have to have my
Budnitz examined...real bad!!!

Scott said...

Auntie's Bookstore in Spokane, Washington State. We're so far to the right of Seattle we're almost in Idaho. We could use some bike smugness. One of our city council members reportedly thinks we should all ride our bikes on the sidewalk.

Fred said...

I'll add another vote for Bishop, CA. Spellbinder's books is cute as a bug in a rug and the riding, on or off road, is just sublime. And, it's a mere 13 hour drive to Portland!

Also, there are mules.

Yeah That's Right said...

You people are pathetic.
Oh snob pick my town,
Oh me over here.

Just buy the book and shut the fuck up.

Anonymous said...

Snobsburgh!

Anonymous said...

BRAsburgh!

littlefield_matt said...

Come to Maine. We are the second most bicycle friendly state in the country (this is according to some group who has never ridden a bicycle in Maine). Don't come to Portland, ME. It is our biggest city, but I live too far away. The "real" Maine doesn't begin until north of Augusta.

JDH said...

364th? Bitches! Hey snob, BRA Quincy, Illinois. It's in the MIDWEST. Bring Vaseline, it'll go smoother.

JDH said...

forgot to tell ya, we don't got no bikelanes.

Anonymous said...

i do also suggest cleveland, ohio. we have a large cycling community and wonderful bike trails. It would be a great stop for you and you should never underestimate the charm of this area :)

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

Yikes! So many comments today. I thought Nogo and Blog drafter were at it again, but no... just many, many, pathetic whining beggars.

Might as well join them and speak up for Lincoln Ne., even though I don't live there. If you came to the town I lived in, it'd be in my living room with maybe one or two others. The pre-BRA ride would be either not worth taking, or too epic to be followed by a lame "presentation".

I'm heading to Massachusetts in late June though, so maybe you'll have something going out there then.

Gramerr Snob said...

"This bike blogger was me, or I, or myself, or whatever the correct grammer is"- The k'rect gramar be Blogger was I. The pronoun occupies the predicate nominative slot, and good usage dictates that a pronoun in that position be in the subjective case, which for the first person singular is I. In a pinch you could get away with Blogger was me, but God--I mean Lob--save use from the pseudo-politeness of Myself!

Anonymous said...

Come to Carrboro, NC... it's like New York, but uncrowded, friendly, great for biking, and you can breath the air. We hate it.

Chris in Omaha said...

Bike, Scotch, Food, Omaha Nebraska, April 15. See you there!

David said...

Ah, the Noid. Th last time Dominoes was cool. Dear Snob, will you pleas come to Horse Cave, Kentucky? We have an actual bookstore, some cows, some mountain bikers, and lots of scary rural folk. Some of whom can actually read. Don't laugh. Or do laugh. But yes, it's the name of a real town. And there is a cave under Main Street which you are not allowed to ride your bike in. I know. I tried. They didn't appreciate it at all.

Anonymous said...

sounds like you're probably coming to cleveland !

McFly said...

Paris, Tn. We have a damn Eiffel Tower. It used to be made from wood but NOW it's steel. I know, I know steel will get soft. We have some bids out on the TITANIUM one. We have been recycling it from local orthopedic surgeons to help offset the cost.

McFly said...

But we have no bike culture.....

Anonymous said...

Panties!
Pickled panties.
Beer!
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
Panties.

Will Handsfield said...

Washington, DC. Come for the Bikesharing, stay for the cycletracks.

Throwaway_bicycling said...

So enough people have already begged you to come to DC that I am guessing you will get sent here. But let's talk itinerary. You start in Takoma Park, MD, where the city council could probably mandate that every household must buy a copy of your book. After visiting the two bike stores there, you then scoot up Maple Street on you bike and then take the Sligo Creek Trail to the Cosby St spur. (If Borders were still open, you could have detoured to Down Town Silver Spring for a stop there to address the wanna-be Bethesdans.) then up to Dale Blvd, crossing Georgia Avenue to Silver Cycles. After being worshipped like a God there, you continue on Seminary Road, veer left onto Brookeville, and die when you are hit attempting to turn left onto the side street at the head of the Georgetown Branch Trail. Just kidding. Actually, you continue on the character-building gravel trail until you come to City Bikes just before Connecticut Avenue. More hero worship at a place where they sell a bunch of cyclocross bikes to people upgrading from their hybrids, and then continue on the trail to downtown Bethesda, where you do events at the Barnes and Noble and cameo performances at the four bike stores there. Lunch is at the Mussel Bar, where you dine on faux Belgian fair and real Belgian beer. Then you pick up on the pace on the Capital Crescent Trail and play "baby stroller bowling" on your way to Fredtastic Georgetown and its three bike stores. Then up the trail from M Street to P Street where you can stop at Second Story (used) books to view the unread but resold copies of your first book and then half a block up Connecticut to Kramer Books for your triumphant finale. (Note: stopping here will make you a ton of enemies in Adams Morgan, NoMa, and the hyper-pretentious Capital Hill neighborhoods, but ask me if I could give a rip. Answer: no, plus nobody in those places would buy you book unless it were available on their favorite e-reader.)

Bisso said...

Seriously, Australia has to be on the agenda. i have no idea how many/few australian readers you have bu it must be a gazillion.

Here on the Gold Coast we have:

Thousands and thousands of Freds, Nu Freds and Tri Dorks

A good collection of retro grouches (retirees, especially) on vintage Colnagos and wear wool jereseys

a huge number of beautiful godzillas though they prefer beach cruisers to dutch city bikes, and

a growing army of hipsters on ready made single speeds (they all coast) with a black market in spinergies

seriously its like everyone read your blog archives and copied their styles from it without recognising the satire. its awesome

Anonymous said...

AhhhhHAHAHA! "Paul is a VISIONARY modern art blah blah blah."

I've been in that absurdly priced toy store for aimless trustafarians. These days, if you grab a rock and paint a face on it and manage to sell it to some spoiled dupe for 500 dollars, you're a VISIONARY, a DESIGN PRODIGY, a PIONEER of the psychogeological post-moderno-expressionism movement! Give us a fucking break.

Anonymous said...

Fixburgh!

Reggie said...

Portland...........Maine!

Anonymous said...

Hey Bike Snob is also being translated in Italian!!!

That's what I call Success!

Check it out:
http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Bike-snob-Manifesto-per-un-nuovo-ordine-universale-della-bicicletta-Eben-Weiss/9788861921368

andreya1 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Burlington, VT!

Jasper said...

I'm noticing that no-one is shouting for the Bay Area today - is that because we are so smug we know he is going to come, or is it that we are all outside enjoying January's summer weather? Or just too cool to care?
We could have a GGB 75th anniversary bike trespass...or not.

andreya1 said...

Come to the Bike Shop, Java Jacks, or somewhere in Nacogdoches, TX, where there are actually signs that state "Bike Route on Sidewalk." Mind you, these sidewalks are uneven, broken, narrow, and connect to almost nothing. There are still plenty of cyclists.

http://www.bikeshopp.com/thebikeshop/homepage.html

javajacks.com

Daniel said...

Portland Please. To sweeten the deal I'll take you mountain biking only 1 hour outside of the city!

(unlike NYC, Portlanders have to drive at least an hour to get a decent dirt fix even though we have a 5K acre park overlooking downtown).

Seriously though, the mountain biking is great here (if you travel for it)

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford tours constantly and he doesn't even have a book.

Anonymous said...

That Cleveland comment 'if we are good enough for Bob Roll...' is kind of like saying 'I screw my retarded sister and you can screw her too'.

Cubby said...

CLEVELAND! SEND HIM TO CLEVELAND!

Anonymous said...

We would love to have you at Peggy's Creampie Palace in historic Wallace, ID.

josephrockwell said...

Come to the Marfa Book Co. In Marfa TX!

amy! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Baby,
Stay home and skype me!

Anonymous said...

Come to Boulder.
I'll let your borrow a yoga mat.
We can drive around like Mork and Mindy.
I make great vegan brownies and chia tea.
Leave your wife at home.

Anonymous said...

Columbus Ohio and you can pull people from all of Ohio.

Jason said...

North Carolina!!!

Top three recommended cities:
Chapel Hill (home of the evil P)
Greensboro
Durham

Anonymous said...

Whoops forgot to leave my name.
Bella Donna from Boulder

«Oldest ‹Older   201 – 400 of 589   Newer› Newest»