Friday, January 13, 2012

BSNYC Friday Potluck!

Hi! [Said buoyantly.] Firstly, please note that I will not be posting a blog post to this blog on Monday the 16th, but will resume my regular posting of blog posts to this blog posting schedule on Tuesday the 17th. I apologize for any conveniences this may cause. However, I should also point out that Monday the 16th is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, so if you have any problem with my not posting that day then you're obviously a racist.

Shame on you.

Moving on, jurors heard closing arguments in the controversial Specialized v. Volagi case yesterday, and I can't wait for the TV movie because this is courtroom drama at its most compelling:


For their part, Specialized claims that Volagi owes them royalties to the smell of $41,000:

Earlier Wednesday, Specialized's lawyers called on an economist who said that, assuming Volagi borrowed intellectual property from Specialized, Volagi owed Specialized about $41,000 in royalties, based on comparable royalty rates he examined.

At first sniff this may seem like a lot of money, but it's actually only about two-and-a-quarter Specialized S-Works McLaren Venge Schmegmas:

You have to figure anyone who quits a job at Specialized leaves with crabon bikes the way the rest of us walk out with office supplies, so should the court decide against them the Volagi guys should have their debts paid off in no time.

Meanwhile, the Volagis called an expert witness who in turn claimed that Specialized appropriated the Roubaix concept from Seven Cycles:

Also on Wednesday, the defense called Sean Sullivan, a former product manager and executive vice president at Specialized. Sullivan was asked about the development of the Specialized Roubaix bike. Sullivan said its inspiration was a custom Seven Cycles bike that a Specialized employee rode, and which caught the eye of Specialized's founder and president Mike Sinyard. The Seven had a tall headtube and a relaxed geometry that the Roubaix later featured, Sullivan said.

After appropriating the design, Sinyard promptly fired the employee for riding a non-Specialized bicycle. Forced to seek an alternate career path, the former employee eventually landed a job writing for "The Simpsons," and the rest is television history:


Like many of you, I love riding bicycle cycles. However, I am strongly against wearing bicycle cycle parts on your body. Sure, I realize that everybody needs to know you ride a bike no matter how far away you are from that bike at any given moment, but the simple fact is that wearing bike parts is very dangerous, as the Kickstarter page itself shows. See, it starts off with cute stuff like keychains:


Then it progresses to bicycle chain bracelets:


Which is a gateway drug for creepy innertube sex masks:

And before you know it you're Mad Fred Beyond Thunderdork:

Anyway, here's the video, and if you decide to start wearing one of these things then don't say I didn't warn you:


Lastly, another reader has forwarded me the following image of David Byrne (who does not own either a car or a pet gorilla) from a recent issue of "Rolling Stone" magazine (which for some reason still exists) complete with smug helment-related caption:


Oh, save it, "Rolling Stone," he'll be fine. Of all the risky activities engaged in by all the musicians "Rolling Stone" has covered over the years, riding a bike without a helmet in the West Village is about as risky as a game of tiddlywinks. Half the people who have been on the cover of "Rolling Stone" have since died of drug overdoses, for Lob's sake. Where were they with the smug captions when Jimi Hendrix was about to choke to death on his own vomit?

In any case, if you're wondering what David Byrne looks so nonplussed about, the reader who sent this to me points out that it's probably the breast to his immediate right:

He may not wear a helmet, but he doesn't cotton to distractions.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the question, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll win $41,000 from the Volagi guys, and if you're wrong you'll see a compelling PSA.

Ride safe, ride happy, and beware of errant "side boob."


--Wildcat Rock Machine





(Tallis Navidad: Recent converts Alberto Contador and Oscar Pereiro still eight riders short of a minyan.)

1) In a move some suspect was contrived to ingratiate himself to the Israeli judge who will be deciding his case, Alberto Contador has converted to Hasidic Judaism.







(Unregistered dog prepares to ride "bandit.")

2) To alleviate crowding, registration for this year's Five Boro Bike Tour will be decided by:





3) Barrels of _____:

--Safety
--Shame
--Despair
--Venomous snakes





(Budnitz Bicycles: For Douchebags who Fart Rainbows)

4) Which is not a selling point touted by Budnitz Bicycles founder Paul Budnitz?

--"Reality is that I began creating my own bikes when I couldn’t find anything that was well made, fast and especially beautiful — and that wouldn’t add clutter to my life."



(All kidding aside, frankly I'm a little worried about this guy.)

5) Which bicycle company will now be sponsoring "real riders?"





6) Specialized has sued the wearer of this tattoo for unauthorized use of their logo.





("My uncertainty as to your gender is making me aroused.")

7) One of the finalists in The New Yorker's cartoon caption contest actually includes the word "fixie."




***Special Playtime Is Fun!-Themed Bonus Question***

(This is what happens when you use the search term "Lego porn.")

Lego's online store features a tableau in which:


(Correct answer via a reader)

113 comments:

Blog Drafter said...

Crossing the line au natural!

Dr. Feelgood said...

Podium

Buy-cycle said...

3rd? 4th? 5th? 10th?

Ed said...

Bang!

Anonymous said...

TOOOOP TEEEEEEN

Anonymous said...

Top 5.

Not another Friday? And it's the thirteenth.

Crap.

Jasper said...

Early doors

don the cyclist said...

top tennnnn

Anonymous said...

Lance Armstrong's ball!!!

Anonymous said...

top tenner! woot! woot!

Anonymous said...

Top eleven!!!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Bonne fin de semaine!

David said...

Conan's bike cracks me up every time I see it. The distance from the wheel to his hands looks like more that the diameter of the wheel.

Fred's dead baby, Fred's dead... said...

15th...?

P. Bateman said...

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Also is great is remarkable savings on Nike, Gucci, Air Jordans.

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Anonymous said...

your caption was funnier.

ce said...

I suspect that someday I will find myself shooting at the internet with a BB gun in an attempt to destroy this blog and rid the shame. I imagine the internet looks a lot like the Death Star, with one little weak spot that can be targeted to completely destroy it.

And further to yesterday's post, how could anyone suggest that Motley Crue were using performance enhancing drugs? The drugs most certainly did not enhance their performances.

crosspalms said...

I'll never look at Legos the same way again.

Miss Panties said...

That's one saggy-lookin' boob that may be distracting DB. Why doesn't the Stone take her to task for not perking up those tits with a nice open-tip bra to make her nipples stand out?

JB said...

New Yorker caption voting restriction: "Any resident of the U.S. or Canada (except Quebec) age eighteen or older can vote."

Lobdamned Quebecians.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thanks BSNYC for another week of intensive bike culture scrutiny.

LEGO BIKE

Anonymous said...

Actually, I just can't get over the ingenuity:
"They roll so godd*mn fast that we actually had to adjust the gearing on our first production models because traditional gear ratios moved too slowly." Actually, this is especially impressive since most builders, like Specialized, actually use the actual gears to make the bike actually go more slowly. Who'd have thought of using gears to actually make the bike go faster? Actually?

David Burn said...

Leggo my ego!

mikeweb said...

Lego my peg-o.

Buffalo Bill said...

Goddamn racists!
And lego Lorena Bobbitt too.

leroy said...

Oh no no
I beg yo
To Leggo
My peg-o

(Fair use appropriation of Mikeweb's comment. No copyright infringement here. Move along Mr. Sinyard. Nothing to sue here.))

Ride with barrels of monkeys all!

I, for one, have had it with these motherf*cking barrels of venemous snakes in this motherf*cking lane.)

OBA said...

Fire Ants?

Anonymous said...

holy humungo headtube wildcat,
i think he was going for a reclined position when he had that baby customized.

Marcel Da Chump said...

bike chain of fools

mikeweb said...

I think Leroy's dog has been commenting again.

After a toilet bowl Margarita mixer as well...

Anonymous said...

Dear Snob,
following your call for places you should go to for a BRA event I would like to suggest one of the following two places, one of them being my former place of residence and the other my current:

Mannheim, Germany. This is the place where a certain Karl Freiherr von Drais resided and invented a fad which you mentioned in your first book by the nickname "Dandy horse". Another Carl - as well from this city - a few years later invented the horseless carriage about 126 years ago. His last name is Benz. This - of all places - should be the start of your BRA tour.

Nottingham, England. You should not miss this place on your world tour of BRA events. This is the very place where bicycles to my knowledge were produced on a large scale level by a company originally located in Raleigh street, Nottingham, England. Today you will find the Universitys Jubilee Campus at the same location where Raleigh bicycles and Sturmey Archer hubs once were made. There could not be a better place than an auditorium on this University campus.

I hope you will put these two places on the list of your BRA events.

Unfortunately I can only plost this as Anonymous as I do not have a Google account.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the German(design)-Chinese (production) company "Tubus" should sue the people in Switzerland that make titanium racks for Paul Budnitzt for using their name.

Anonymous said...

as a fellow helmetless bikecycler in nyc (I prioritize good hair over safety) I sort of respect The Man Without a Car for not kowtowing to the dainty masses by donning a helment. ride on mr byrne. by the way if you got any of teh questions wrong you will note in the 70's bike safety video that almost no one is wearing a helmet. has bikecycling become more dangerous in the past few decades, have our heads become more fragile or have we simply become the milquetoast generation. bottled water, antibacterial hand sanitizers, helments for every occassion, when will it all end? you've got to die sometime.

Anonymous said...

boo

HEY! said...

LEGO PEOPLE!!!!!

StupidCalf said...

That is a very tacky chain wrap specialized tattoo. Real "creative" adaptation of the barbed wire or tribal band.
Not nearly as cool as the Rapha Logo wrapped in silk scarves I just had inked to commemorate JPows victory.

theEel said...

WeEkEnD!!!

McFly said...

How did he get the chain wrapped around his calf without any cross-bind?

Anonymous said...

Like how the Lego cyclist accident doesn't come with a car, driver, or witnesses?

As usual... hit & run!

Anonymous said...

Motley Crue's drugs didn't do very much for Hanoi Rocks either....

Fud.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Why does that guy from lifecycle look like pinhead from hellraiser..i think he will use those prodcuts to track future victims...better put on your foil hats...

Anonymous said...

Top fiftyish or so!

I'd like recommend my basement apartment in SE Portland as a location for one of your BRA locations. I have an epic collection of tall bikes. Sadly none of them are artisanal but at least there isn't a Specialized Smegma in sight within at least 12 blocks. Also, I have the bitchinest collection of vintage tweed wear . Afterward, we can all cruisE down to Stumptown. Skinny jeans optional.

Tank Lob it's Friday!

Dave said...

That "former Special__ed employee" is riding a Serotta, not a Seven. Speaking of Serotta, the internets is all a flutter (not to be confused with the delicious fluffernutter) discussing Serotta and its perceived decline: http://forums.serotta.com/showpost.php?p=1058937&postcount=1

Anonymous said...

Everyone is exhausted from the week's torrid commenting pace.

self-obsessed and sexee said...

Even when castration is Lego-tized, one is compelled to cringe.

bikesgonewild said...

...@mcfly...m.c.escher was his tattoo artist...

bikesgonewild said...

...ben gould = pratt fall...

McFly said...

BGW, possibly, with some assistance from M.C. Hammer.

crosspalms said...

anon 1:51

Due to years of contact with non-shellacked bar tape, my hands' bacteria are resistant to all known sanitizers. I have to wear helments on them. It makes steering and braking a challenge, but I do it for your protection. Yes, we all have to die sometime, but not all at once because somebody (me) made a stupid mistake and shook hands (or posted a comment -- these are powerful bacteria that can travel at the speed of Bret through the intertoobz).

Billy said...

Tough quiz today, Wildcat.

At what length headtube does a road bike become a recumbent? Do they even make recumbents in Conan's size?

bubba said...

Specialized won the case against Volagi!! The charge was breach of contract. The damages? $1

LOLOLOLOL!

g-roc said...

Hey Anon 1:51 -

You either wear a helment or your against us.

If you don't wear a helment, you're unamerican.

People who don't wear helments are communists (who don't own cars).

Jeez, I thought everyone knew that.

Of course, people who wear helments are woosies, so there's that.

bikesgonewild said...

...@bubba...give us a link, mate...gotta read this for ourselves but if it's true, fucking awesome...

Adam said...

Specialized awarded $1!!!

McFly said...

@groc, People who wear helmets are woosies? The helmets must be WAAAAY too tight, unless you meant wussies. Then they are woosie wussies.

Anonymous said...

$1 link

http://www.bicycleretailer.com/news/newsDetail/6366.html

Adam said...

I hope Choi pays in pennies.

crosspalms said...

here

crosspalms said...

which I think reduces Specialized's legal bill to $1,499,999

Capt. Fingerbang said...

My steak tells me that an appeal is coming.

bikesgonewild said...

...crosspalms...what's sad is how much these guys spent to deal with the 'specialized legal juggernaut'...

...they talk about filing a "frivolous claims" suite against big S but you that would get dragged out for years...

Jasper said...

Mr Sinyard said: "This lawsuit was a matter of principle and about protecting our culture of trust and innovation. We respect the ruling of the court in our favor. We are very satisfied with the outcome and the damages set at $1.00. We really want to put all our passion and time into growing the sport of cycling".

Which I think translates to: what do you mean we don't get any money, the judge was a complete asshole, everyone is a bunch of bastards, but we'll carry on as usual...

bikesgonewild said...

...whoops...should a' read - "...but you know that would..."...

...& quite right, jasper...

Anonymous said...

Yes, I wasted my afternoon looking at Lego porn.

Anonymous said...

Better to be the hurt biker in the Lego set than the in Police Paddy Wagon as the Theiving Motorcyclist.

http://shop.lego.com/en-US/Prisoner-Transport-7286

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

That top tube dog looks like he botched his cyclocross running mount.

McFly said...

Tom Papa is a funny fucker

skink said...

Classy side boob...yummy.

g-roc said...

McFly - oh, I missed the quotes? My "woosie" helment's too tight. But, you know, a ceiling tile might fall on my head while I'm "working".

g-roc said...

$1 is the woo-hoo price for sinyard in court.

All those legal bills would go a long way toward explaining the high sticker prices on sinyard's bikes.

Inner Circle said...

Volagi can't win against the Sinyard

Volagi can't win against the Sinyard

too much watchee, watchee, watchee

too much system, system, system

bikesgonewild said...

...you're quite right, inner circle...

...'specialized' contract was upheld by the judge & therefore michael sinyard & the big S won...

...but the judge deemed the violation of said contract was only worth $1.00 (american money - "in god we trust") & all the business about 'intellectual property' was tossed out of court...

...i wonder how much time volagi has to pay off that $1.00 ???...

Dooth said...

You can ride blind-folded, helmet-less, and no-handed in the West Village and be totally safe. Those cats gotta give my boy David a break.

Anonymous said...

dude your NYorker caption is way funnier than any of the finalists in the magazine!

Anonymous said...

dude, bro, like all the Volajis are totally sold out? In santa rosa trek they sold several a day? Like, the S*******d lawsuit has done them good? So that's cool brah

COTA TIYO

g-roc said...

BGW - I hope Volagi holds off on the $1 payment, just to see how wound up sinyard gets over it.

misster-PISSTA said...

WOW lego came out with GREEN bikes they only used to have red white and black.... I wonder if they are still using vigrin plastic...

flat tire today..it actually went "pop" hence the late showing....

Anonymous said...

That Lego cyclist is a nu-Fred! No one else on the road, he crashes into a garbage can. No brakes!

Quilled and Lugged said...

I think Mr Byrne is a cultured man; I;m sure he was just trying to read the side boob tattoo.

Sergio said...

Volaaaaagi

Vo oh oh oh

Volaaaaagi

Vo oh oh oh

come ride Volagi today

screw what the Specialized say

McFly said...

I wore a helmet for 2 damn years straight, I never even used ONCE.

bikesgonewild said...

...g-roc...tuesday morning, january 17th, 2012...(early)...

..."...ummm, yes, good morning...this is the attorney for volagi bikes & i'd like to speak with your chief financial officer, please...yes, thank you, i'll hold...

..."ahhh, good morning, sir...your former employees, messers choi & forsman, now, the principals of volagi bikes, feel that due to our having lost the decision as regards the breach of contract issue, we'd wish to be as prompt as possible in handling this financial matter...

..."...as such, we'd like to set up a payment plan with consideration to our own financial situation & of course, with your convenience in mind...

..."what say you to a payment contract wherein we will unfailingly pay you $00.01 every week for the next 100 weeks, irregardless of any financial discrepancies we may encounter with our company over such time period...

..."now...would you prefer the payment in cash or would a check suffice ???...

..."...pardon me, sir...excuse me but there is no...sir, please, remember your station...as i was saying, there is no need to speak to me in that manner...

..."listen, we'll just go ahead & structure the plan & be in touch. yes ???...thanks...

..."well, good day, sir & please, give our best to mr sinyard..."
...

Anonymous said...

My rather large head tube enjoys happy pink tacos.
Meow!

Anonymous said...

I might be interested in a Budntiz muffin boy bike if it came with sprinkles.

Anonymous said...

Time fIre up the Pussy Wagon for some late night trolling.

I am a contortionist engine said...

"At what length headtube does a road bike become a recumbent? Do they even make recumbents in Conan's size?"

What is he the size of Andre the giant, he is a a whopping 6'4"?

That is one weirdly sized bike, which does not look like it is fun to ride.

David Byrne's Dog Walker/#1 Butt Boy said...

Is engaging is coitus with a ravishing collie still illegal in New York State?

I mean she's hot!

Please get back to me ASAP.


THX

bikesgonewild said...

...ummm, don't ask, don't tell...

...woof, woof...

Born Under Punches said...

At least David's stuck it out in the Big Bapple, his erstwhile bandmates, Chris & Tina, are comfy in cozy Connectitcut. And as for Jerry Harrison,...?

Anonymous said...

oh2t

Spence said...

Some beach.

G.I. Jew Greatest American Hebrew! said...

Lego my ego

Sinyard Liberation Army said...

Specialized is "Californian" for dogsht; I defy BSNYC to go into a Specialized "Concept Store" and find one item that isn't vile, ridiculous, overpriced.

Speaking of dogshit, what's up these assholes who 'trail ride' on the Flatbush side of Prospect Park?

Dog feeding douchebag I might be but at least I follow the law (more or less). But then watch these very same witless jerkoffs whine, endlessly, about how cyclists are legally oppressed.

They may be, sometimes (though hardly like black folks) but how's that gibe with this fugazy 'trail riding' nonsense?

Anonymous said...

I stole the three hole punch from Sinyards orfice,
sorry

Dick Blood said...

Lego...pieces of my worse nightmare.

Magento Development said...

In little long words you have shared much better thing. Really very informative thing it is!

Anonymous said...

Leonard Sinyard still bats his hands and looks at the ceiling when I gleek on him in passing thru the hallways.

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford is World Champion. Again.

That is all.

Anonymous said...

Century!

ken e. said...

last is the new first!

Salty and Sore said...

OMG!

So far behind! Glad I'm [sorta] caught up.

BRA tour. Seattle's played out. Everyone actually *likes* to ride now. And sometimes even use bikes for just getting from place to place. It's not just for the appearance of having *skillz*. So lame.

Recommended BRA cities-

Madison, WI - So we Seattlites can send our ever-travelling band of protesters even further east to protest that you're not visiting us. Moreover, that you're from New York, and therefore must be part of the 1%.

Las Vegas, NV - HELL YES! Griswold family vacation time!

..but if you miss the fern porn, and overstuffed BRAs..

Vancouver, BC - Close enough that we, Seattlites, can attend and bask in the great humbleness that is our Snobbie, but also handy to our regular BC...uh..."shopping".

Bellingham, WA - Chuckanut Drive. Awesome ride. Oh wait! And convenient if you're stopped at the border, and not allowed to cross.

Broadway - Capitol Hill (Seattle's best sister city to Brooklyn's Williamsburg. Let's face it, all the smuggliest neighborhoods have even smugglier nether regions.) And home to Elliot Bay Books. A real bookstore, with non-douchey roots.

Congrats on the New Book!

[Does this mean that baby number 18 is on the way, too?]

Pluessis said...

We are fortunate to be in these times...things could be better...but improvements have been made...realized dreams at this moment...yes...right now...the bicycle ride is a divine blessing...it shows in our expressions...it offends unhappiness...it curses wickedness...it laughs at misery...our hearts rejoice...

Steel Pulse said...

Leggo Beast

A prescient reggae song

Who'd a thunk it, mon...bumbleclot

Anonymous said...

I was rather relieved to hear that the Magnificent Paul Bunditz brand is offering a titanium shim.
I have long sought for a rather large stiff shim.
Good job MPB for making me and Marty, Mary and Kathleen happy!

Anonymous said...

I thought the blog was back yesterday...holiday, check.
I spent a bit of time looking at the bubwitz bike and I kind of like wat he has going on. It looks stupid and it it works.

Maybe all that time smoking doobs at the robot kid hq made him roll another one and this time get it all the way right.

I think Budwintz had a major breakthrough.
Bigger than you and bigger than me.

Like when you see the unicorn, talk about the unicorn, make stories about the unicorn and get a few people to either believe you road the unicorn or fucked the unicorn an your jizz looks like candy corn.

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john said...

6th picture actually looks really cool.

john said...

6th picture actually looks really cool.

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