Friday, July 1, 2011

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz! (Now Reinforced With Special Crotchal Gussets!)

("Don't Fred On Me")

If you're American, live near America, or have been occupied by America (I think everyone in the world falls under at least one of these categories), then you probably know that on July 4th we will be celebrating our Independence Day. Yes, it was on this day over 400 years ago that we liberated ourselves from our evil Canadian overlords. That means this coming weekend people all over this great land will be celebrating by having decidedly un-vegan barbecues and by making colorful things explode in the sky. It also means that I will not be posting on July 4th or July 5th, but that I will return on Wednesday, July 6th with regular updates.

If you're wondering why the extra day, it's because it will take me some time to emerge from my subterranean bunker. I have many phobias, but perhaps my biggest one is teenagers wielding Roman candles.

Also, if all that weren't auspicious enough, the Tour de France begins tomorrow. And while I won't be posting here until Wednesday, I will be posting Tour de France-related stuff on the "Bicycling" website during that time. In fact, my preview post was just published, complete with stunning graphic:


I think "avec" is French for "meh."

If you care to be apprised of when further posts are published, you can check my Tweeting thing. Or, if you prefer the Tour de France "CliffsNotes," here it is: Contador's going to win, Tom Danielson is riding his first-ever Tour at the point in his career when most people retire from it, and as of this year George Hincapie has officially ridden more Tours de France than there have actually been Tours de France.

While I'm in information-dispensing mode, I'd also like to inform you that on July 8th there is a party in San Francisco:

I mention this because Stevil Kinevil of All Hail The Black Market is involved, and if you're the sort of person who enjoys parties then you know his imprimatur is a sure sign of quality.

As for Levi's putting their imprimatur on cycling pants, I suppose if you already wear Levi's and you also ride your bike a lot then Levi's offering a more bikey alternative isn't a bad thing. As it happens, someone recently sent me a pair of these bikey Levi's, and here they are with a grand total of three (3) disembodied feet:

So far, I've only worn these once--not because I don't like them, but because as a father of 17 children who has no desire to impress anybody I've officially given up on affectations like personal grooming and wearing shoes and long pants in summer. If you ever happen to come across me, expect extreme schlubbiness. Anyway, the pants are pretty comfy, but I have no idea what they cost. They also have a loop on the waist to hang your u-lock from, because for some reason urban cyclists love to hang a bunch of crap off their pants even though they also love gigantic expensive bags, and presumably Levi's needs to keep up with the times by making it easy for them to hang their baubles.

Speaking of packages (in that pants serve to contain yours), a commenter yesterday reminded me that, in summarizing the Mario Cipollini bike review, I somehow missed the most suggestive phrase of all:

built around an all-Italian package

The more I read that review, the more confused I get, since I can't tell if they're talking about the bike or about Cipollini himself:

(A rider straddles the Cipollini's all-Italian package.)

In the end, though, I'm not sure it really matters.

With that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you're right, and if you're wrong you'll see charismatic duo Rooster and the Flash.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and enjoy the holiday weekend.

Love,


--Wildcat Rock Machine








(Ironic facial hair is a gateway drug to veganism.)

1) Dave Zabriskie is a "vegan" who eats:





2) The time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork's real name is:







3) This RAAM rider is suffering from a condition known as:






4) Can I borrow some money to ____________?






(Noseless? Or just melting?)

5) Studies prove that noseless saddles result in:






("This ain't no hipster shit.")

6) "This ain't no hipster shit" is to "Racing towards Hook" as "This is vegan" is to Dave Zabriskie's diet.





(P-far freestyling.)

7) With mere hours to go, the director of Critical Mass documentary "Last Friday of the Month" is close to meeting his fundraising goal.




***Special "Hipster Shit"-Themed Bonus Question***

Knuckle tattoos are out; _______________ tattoos are in.


139 comments:

Anonymous said...

Firts Bitches!1!

Kenny Banya said...

podium?

g-roc said...

Turd

mikeweb said...

On to the quiz!! Yeah Kenny!!

maillot non said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

top ten, just missed the podium. SILVER, Banya, SILVER!

Anonymous said...

clenbuterbrod!!!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten. Too exhausted from yesterday's 220+ comment festival to podium.

PK said...

Top ten!

Anonymous said...

moin

Anonymous said...

Ok, what's with the "I Love My Bike" "coffee table book" advertized here. From what I can tell, it's just hipster glorification. I know your publisher is probably throwing you a bone by advertising their latest collabo (with another author/photographer collabo) on your site, but don't they know I can find a shed-load of FREE hipster bike galleries with my ipad, iphone, ibook, or imac, all of which I store on my coffee table (right next to my BSNYC/RTMS coffe)?

Matt said...

Crap, woulda made top ten but got held up by Critical Mass. Oh wait, this is the First Friday of the Month. Guess I was just slow. Happy Canada (America's Toupee) Day!

cyclotourist said...

TEAP ARTY

cyclotourist said...

DAMN SEXY

BIRD GIRL

Anonymous said...

Vive le Tour de France!

Vive Bike Snob!

Vive Wildcat Rock Machine!

Marcel Da Chump said...

aawwww-- the bambino .

luciferyellow said...

Not even top 10 and I am not even wearing a helment. I thought for sure that would save some grams (plus the added freedom and Zen-like state).

Anonymous said...

Come on Tim!

le Correcteur said...

Top 20! and I read it and answered the questions!

I am a meat eater engine said...

Evil canadian overlords, I bet Levis come from canada. Both are irrelevant.

You know vegan is a state of mind, not an actual practice.

Meh

Guadzilla said...

Pongo Twistleton? Somebody is a PG Wodehouse fan, eh, Snobby?

mikeweb said...

Only got the bonus wrong. The ambiguous bird? Wasn't that one of Cavendish's finish line salutes?

Chazu said...

I was too busy reading the comments from yesterday to bother with taking the podium today.

It looks like the Jerry Springer Show over there....

ant1 said...

the quickstep bus has been seized by the french cops. this is gonna be a good tour.

crosspalms said...

Blew the bonus Q. I think Critical Mass guy needs a good rest. "The war is on"?? Now to watch the rest of the Flash Farley video...

Twistyface said...

You make "coffe"? You never said.

chiggins said...

"This ain't no hipster shit" -- Frank Warren

"This is it. This is mystical shit." -- King Missile

Is this hipstical shit?

Anonymous said...

So, your TdF blog has a photo of the Tour of California as a splash page. Sweet!
(not being bitchy, I was at the finish of that stage and it was awesome).
Toodles-
Anon 1:37

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:11pm,

I actually asked them to use Bret as the logo but I guess they weren't into that.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Matt said...

Wow, the critical mass doc director compares himself to Rosa Parks.

Anonymous said...

@ anon 12:37

W.R. Machine gave a proper analysis of the photo-album book with both hipster and fred-centric humorways.

Detachable Penis said...

"once, there once was a boy"

These comments are always a good source for fine culture.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that Critical Ass guy needs to lighten up... WTF? C'mon... Rosa Parks? Talk about self-delusion! Hey Buddy you ain't doing ANYTHING revolutionary by asking people to donate money to you're ridiculous cause. Fuck Critical Mass.

Anonymous said...

Wildcat, I love it when you strike a nerve with pretentious people with a video recorder...

Anonymous said...

I don't care if you can cycle 20 hours a day, arm and leg warmers being worn by men is the ghey.

AnonSJ said...

Yup, that's Sierra road above San Jose, California. The flag is related to Poland. (google: Pomeranian Voivodeship)
Why? Looks cool? Vive le Tour de Whatever. Are you writing from NYC, SJC, or Warsaw?

ce said...

BRET CULT

BrendanBarryConroy said...

question #7=sick burn, bro

Anonymous said...

EDITOR NOTES:

the Tour de France "CliffsNotes," here it is: Contador's going to win, Tom Danielson is riding his first-ever Tour at the point in his career when most people retire from it, +++ Cadel Evans will whine then effeminately slap an autograph-seeking fan and finish 17th, +++ and as of this year George Hincapie has officially ridden more Tours de France than there have actually been Tours de France.

Anonymous said...

I dunno, $500 and you get a Director's Cut DVD of the Last Friday of the Month movie. Man, that's tempting. Given his writing skills, I'll bet the editing on this thing will be real tight. I wonder if it'll fit on one DVD? I see the dealine's at 2:17AM, which may provide some insight into the background of this project.

GobacktoRussia said...

I can't stop laughing at/with that flag. Somehow it crystallizes all of my concerns about them.

Anonymous said...

@ AnonSJ

The flag is the Lion of Flanders.

Yours-
Anon 1:37

crosspalms said...

Flanders? Homer Simpson hates that guy

Frogs said...

We never go to that reservoir anymore. People pee in it, you know.

Tyler's Chimera said...

Alberto Contador;

At the after race hotel meal ... should my chimera extend to you a water bottle of Kool-Aid as a gesture of friendship and comaraderie ...

DO NOT DRINK THE KOOL-AID

I repeat

DO NOT DRINK THE KOOL-AID

g said...

"This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no fooling around"
--Talking Heads (the lead singer of which doesn't own a car)

crosspalms said...

No party? No disco? No fooling around? No hipster shit? What's left?

Anonymous said...

I would've finished din the top ten, but I stopped for a fuck brake.


balls.

mikeweb said...

I wish everyone a happy and safe weekend and blowing shit up day. Next week I'll be in the land of Live Free or Die riding uphill for long stretches at a time.

Anonymous said...

Mikeweb vs. the Kancamagus!

Enjoy and stay hydrated.

g-roc said...

If it rains on the last Friday of the month, sit at the front of the bus.

Anonymous said...

that last question was a trick question!

Put a Bird On It!

yogisurf said...

JEEEESSEEEEE....I had a 100% going till the last bonus Q. If the "Director" F's with WRM, we'll fit some concrete galoshes to his feet and let him take a swim in the Big Skanky. This Fred is now going to the Bicycling internet thingy to read the WRM prologue. I had a good week, 120 miles.

Phil_Kaplan said...

So you're going to wait until fall to road-test and review your stylish new hipster-compliant bicycle cycling pance?

grog said...

Representative Wildcat Rock Machine, Your little snobbler has grown a foot since we last saw him.
Happy Interdependence Day!

RIDE NICE
MISS BABE

Anonymous Coward said...

@g-roc +1 well played.
ride safe everyone.

bikesgonewild said...

...after getting a wrong answer in the quiz (well, actually a lotta wrong answers - but now i'm just being honest), i made myself watch the whole 'flash farley & rooster' interview...

...wish i'd been wearing a helmet 'cuz i was inclined to stab sharp objects at my head...that was a less painful alternative than the video itself...

bikesgonewild said...

...no rain in the forecast but being an ex-pat canuck, i may spend the 4th in the cool confines of the kit-kat klub...

...there's just something about a tiny little star spangled thong being slowly & seductively peeled off by a dancer named 'georgette washington' that makes me stand hard & tall for america...

...that, ladies & gentlemen, is patriotism at it's finest...

...'god bless america'...

Anonymous said...

too much information.

ant1 said...

bgw - what's all this god bless america crap on canada day?

crosspalms said...

Ride safe all, and celebrate with our Scottish forebears on Firth of Fourth of July

bikesgonewild said...

...sorry, ant1...it's kinda like you celebrating 'bastille day' on the 14th...

...there's just not a lotta support from the locals, n'est ce pas ???...

...so i was simply basking in the glow of my "...rockets red glare..." whilst thinking of the kit-kat klub...

ant1 said...

bgw - very true.

Pongo Twistleton-Jasper said...

"If you're American, live near America, or have been occupied by America (I think everyone in the world falls under at least one of these categories)"...
I don't recall any of you American types actually occupying the good old United Kingdom, unless you count all those army and airforce bases, MacDonalds and those nasty Hollywood moving pictures....

Marcel Da Chump said...

A stripper put her perfect, g-stringed ass thisclose to my face and I said to her, "that's a fine 'how do you do?' In fact, that's the best 'how do you do?' I've ever had!". She laughed out loud, bent over with her ass jiggling in my face.

Land of the free.
Enjoy the weekend.

leroy said...

Perfect score until the Bonus Question. So close....

Ride safe all!

(Has anyone seen my helmet? It was here a minute ago. My dog wrapped it tin foil and says it will make me more aero. It makes me feel like a baked potato, but he seems to know what he's talking about.)

Nibbles said...

@PTJ

Exactly, biatch!

Anonymous said...

Was David Zabriskie in 'A Fish Called Wanda'?

bikesgonewild said...

...btw...you'll note that one can't respond to the critical masshole guy, cryan, on his kickstarter page without signing up for his 'cause'...

...he sure does spew a lotta vindictive crap at wildcat rock machine though...

...just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy...did i get that right yesterday ???...your dogs name is 'nathan' & he's from coney island ???...

...i run on not a lotta sleep on the weekends, so i'm not quite sure what's what...

...i think he likes the schlecks just cause luxembourg sounds funny when he sez it...

Anonymous said...

Panties! Also for tomorrow and the next day, Panties!Panties!Panties!

And still more panties said...

If it's raining panties, enjoy the ride!

lulzcyc said...

The latest vid from cRyan:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2068923333/nyc-critical-mass-documentary/posts/92173?ref=users

rider gets a citation for having no lights in the dark... so someone gives him lights, and what does he do? of course, he puts the red light on the front, and the white light on the back... i shit ye not...

italian-american stereotype said...

wadda buncha fuckin homos

Anonymous said...

bsnyc comments page is the pinnacle of civilization

Anonymous said...

That Tour photo....is the flag not a Flanders one? Admittedly it's back-to-front and I'm not entirely convinced that I'm right....

Could it be a Classics photo....?

hey nonny mouse

Stiveaux said...

Hey, BikeGlen SnobBeck, how do we getchu a Pulitzer?!

Star Spangled Thong said...

That critical mass phallus is an incomplete package. He needs to grow a pair.

geoff s said...

so i just read that critical mass guys new rant against you.
1. how can someone who can't spell or complete a sentence edit an entire film?
2.did he accuse you of being racist? i feel like he did but the grammar was kinda jumbled.
3.was mentioning that he was locked outside of his apartment a desperate attempt at credibility, or further proof he's quite dumb?
4.did he really end the post by saying he still loves your blog?
he photo shopped an anti-bikesnob crest, spent the last few days of his donation cashgrab freaking out over your lack of approval, but claims to still love you. what is this guy, me in 10th grade? you got a highschool style stalker man. good luck with that.

geoff s said...

i would've left that rant on his kickstarter site, but i didn't wanna donate a buck to his cause just so i could leave a comment. plus i'm sure with his mark walberg "fear" style mancrush he's gonna read it here. plus i couldn't handle him finding out who i am and creating an anti-geoff crest in response.

James said...

While portland may be bike friendly, its police force apparently accidentally shoots people.

James said...

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2011/06/portland_police_mistakenly_fir.html

Bianchii said...

I invite you on my new blog.
Will be a lot of pictures, music, films, cars etc.
It would be nice if you'll visit my blog sometimes :)

http://bianchii.blogspot.com

Eric said...

Yeah, can I get a $100 bill to boot my tire too? Then I'll go buy a new tire and keep the change.

Fran H said...

The Critical Mass rant is hilarious ! In the spirit of Independence Day I highlight the self incriminating free speech quote, hilarious:

"all speech is important, idiotic or not"

The Tarded TdF reporter said...

Apparently David Zabriskie's TdF urine sample burst into flame and evaporated just prior to testing by the Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI in American). But Zatriskie being a vegan was allowed a pass and his test was marked as negative. Zabriskie's Directors Sportif Penn and Teller were completely and utterly mystified by the incident.

bikesgonewild said...

...this, from wildcat rock machine's bikemag coverage...

..."—Bob Roll - Years ago they gave him a key to the studio, and apparently they still haven’t gotten around to changing the locks."...

...that's funny shit & i say that as a fan of bob roll...

evans, cadel said...

2nd. Damn.

I did everything right.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Mon Dieu! Wild Cat Rock Machine, Jean Renoir?
My prétentieux-ass-self hasn't even seen his work.
But I did read the biography he wrote of his painter pere, Pierre Auguste (there I allez again).
Marveilleux, your Bicycling.com postings.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Anonymous @ July 1, 2011 6:25 PM Pretty much hit the nail on the head.

"bsnyc comments page is the pinnacle of civilization"

ce said...

GOOD BRET
EVIL BRET
AERO BRET

THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE AERO

disappointed aussie said...

GOD HELP AUSTRALIA... check out FoxSports Australia's coverage of the Tour de France...http://www.foxsports.com.au/other-sports/tour-de-france... Top left is Fred the Tri-Dork!!!!!!!!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Quite a sight to see the God of Thunder wearing the polka-dot climber's jersey today. Where in the world did they find one big enough to fit him?

Something else I learned from today's coverage. Team Eurocar and team Movistar are in fact not one and the same. Who knew?

Trailer Park Cyclist said...

I wish I understood all this.

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...(i still smile to myself when i type that name)...

...it may be a rumor but i heard they COULDN'T find a polka-dot kit that big, what with champion climbers usually being small, so he wore a thong & they painted him white with red polka-dots...

...they DO have old, left over yellow jerseys from indurain's day, so thor is good for a while...

wishiwasmerckx said...

It was good to see Snob give a shout-out to Edvald Boasson Hagen in today's Buycycling coverage.

Subatomic particle physicists at the Large Hadron Collider in CERN were recently able to establish that not only does Boasson Hagen actually exist, but that he has mass as well.

RM Chuck said...

Heehee, hoho, haha.

"Expert Analysis"

bwahahahaha.

Nogocyclist said...

Does anyone ever do a podium race for the Last comment on the page?

If so........Last!

Nogocyclist said...

Comment 100, on the 4th of July. It's 1:41 our time and I don't think I have heard the first firework. Must say that is unusual.

Nogocyclist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Noseless Panties!

Anonymous said...

it's not even forth of July and four people have been killed in HI. roads fuck i hate it here okay one had to do will a dumb drunk guy killing himself on a side road strip on motorcycle but still i hate the drivers here i'm kinda glad i'm on demode. wear a helmet ride safe

Katy said...

The bunker is a shed, with it's storage underground, And a perfect disguise above.

dikka said...

I kinda like that noseless seat.

Register Domain Names said...

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evans, cadel said...

Ha!

Who said you have to be "this tall" to win in the TDF?

So keep your distance. Or I WILL slap you.

CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!CA-DEL!

Marcel Da Chump said...

There's a photo posted on The Sartorialist blog of a young Italian woman on a bike that'll make you hoot and holler.

Richard said...

Happy July 4 to everyone. I have a post coming out on weds and fri on my blog Amish Stories. I dust off My Schwinn varsity and do a little sight seeing around the country side. Richard from the Amish settlement of Lebanon,Pa

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

@Marcel Da Chump 2:17; Thanks for that.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Nebraska bike commuter (non-
I totally hear 'ya.

Anonymous said...

CIPO MEAT

... said...

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Fixie Bikes said...

'Murrica!

Joe said...

Happy July 4 to everyone. I have a post coming out on weds and fri on my blog Amish Stories. I dust off My Schwinn varsity and do a little sight seeing around the country side. Richard from the Amish settlement of Lebanon,Pa

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