Friday, June 17, 2011

BNYCS Friady Fun Quiz!

Yesterday afternoon, I set out astride my trusty Scattante to complete some neighborhood errands. Stopping at the hardware store, I quickly locked my bicycle to one of those cages the city puts around the trees so they don't escape. Then, after completing my brief transaction (I'm finally going "full hipster" so I bought 50 key blanks to hang from my waist) I stepped back outside and found this:

Yes, despite the fact the rest of the tree prison was empty, someone had decided to tether their beagles to it right in front of my Scattante. Moreover, as you can see, they passed the leash through the frame:

By the way, you may notice that the beasts appear to be cowering in terror:

As far as I can tell, there are two likely reasons for this:

1) My bicycle had been standing upright when I left it, so the dogs were probably very frightened by the noise when either they or their owner knocked it over;

or;

2) They are simply reacting as anyone might in the presence of a filthy and haphazardly "curated" Scattante.

I was reluctant to untie a pair of strange dogs lest they immediately take off in pursuit of some kind of rodent, so I scanned the area for the owner, by which I mean anybody who looked like this:

Sure, pretty much everybody in Williamsburg fits this description now thanks to the "Americana backwoods revival" movement, but thus far my part of Brooklyn has been spared. However, I could find no hillbillies in the immediate vicinity, and therefore I was forced to untie the canines myself. Sure enough, as soon as I did they assumed it was time for "walkies," which meant I had to restrain them in order to re-tie them, and anybody who's ever had to subject a dog to "walkus interruptus" knows how difficult this can be.

I'm still wondering why anybody would park their dogs in such a manner, since it seems only marginally smarter than tying them to a car bumper. I suppose it could be that the dog owner wanted my bicycle and the beagles were "treeing" it like a raccoon, but frankly I find the notion that anybody would want my Scattante far too unrealistic to contemplate. Therefore, as of now I'm working on a theory involving my pink Knog lock's resemblance to a giant dog erection, though I haven't gotten much further than that.

Speaking of puzzling scenarios, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you're right, and if you're wrong you'll see a psychedelic Fred freakout.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your travels be unencumbered by beagles.


--Wildcat Rock Machine



1) French police recently stopped Alberto Contador for:

--Exceeding the speed limit while descending the Col du Galibier






2) In the pro peloton, the hot new t-shirt design is:




4) The "nose to tail movement" refers to the proper method for petting a cat.

--True
--False





5) Fill in the blank: "Live ______"



***Special Fred-Themed Bonus Question***



This setup is known as the "Fred's Wet Dream."

--True
--False

121 comments:

samh said...

100%

wishiwasmerckx said...

First!

wishiwasmerckx said...

F-U, Samh

Anonymous said...

Thurd

Ross said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I will not be deleted said...

Never Forget!!!!

Anonymous said...

Podi-ah crap...

Twistyface said...

Fierce!

Anonymous said...

SamH, aka Vito the helper monker

samh said...

I'm going to be in Minneapolis tomorrow and I am totally going to urinate in their water supply.

Marcel Da Chump said...

I love Beagles!

Nogocyclist said...

Posting late today. Must have because of the beagles.

I am a dry engine said...

Freds wet dream

Pricless.

hillbilly said...

good have a weekend yall/

Anonymous said...

happy with fifteen.

cycle

crosspalms said...

I was sure it was the knife-wielding koalas. Now my eyes hurt.

Anonymous said...

Anything goes with a locked bike. I once had to wait round for hours because another cyclist ran his krypto through my frame as well as his own.

OBA said...

Late 9-1-1 wears the late crown!

wishiwasmerckx said...

That Ferrari is a mid-engine car, and the rear tire is resting right on the engine cowling. Exposure to that kind of heat cannot be good for the tire, the rim or the carbon fiber frame.

If you can afford a Ferrari and a Pinarello, then you can afford a Nissan Xterra to haul your bike and gear around in.

creampiethai said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPkbNFt5NuY

yayyyy

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Perrico Delgado said...

BNYCS???

Anonymous said...

I fly on the wings of beagles.

cycle

Perrico Delgado said...

Beyond Nauseous Yucky Camel Score

bnycs? said...

Bike New York City Safely

mikeweb said...

Yes! 100%

Ya had to know there'd be a CL lost connection ad in there...

Q: "What's a bagel?"

A: "Oh! That's a huntin' dog!!"

Anonymous said...

... and the Breakaway artist got dropped once again! 28th place. Oh well.
Have a good fin de semaine!

Anonymous said...

Love the cable lock on that Pinarello on the Ferrari - looped thru the triangle and connected to the fork legs... Clear example of money and no sense.

Nogocyclist said...

The wrong answer and the right answer videos were both appropriate of the bonus question.

The wrong answer video should have been on the blog on Wednesday, not Friday.......

Anonymous said...

I'll admit, there used to be a bit of mystery surrounding the Bikesnob. I understand that he needed to conceal his identity because he was going after bearded fellas in skinny jean on fixed gear bikes—they are far worse than Al Qaeda ever could be—they can give a person a mean slap. But now that we know him as "eben", he's become like Kiss without their make up—a bit disappointing. And make no mistake Kiss had their reasons for the make up, have you seen what Ace Frehley really looks like?
But anyway, there's no one who can run about five ideas into the ground like the Snob, he's a master. But I'm perplexed to not see any yuks coming from the Snob about the potentially hilarious dust up in Aspen between Lance and Tyler—that's comedy gold right there. And it could become idea number six!
The reason for reluctance from the Snob might be because he's a Lance Bud, and as a LB, he's got to toe the goddam line. Check out this Bicycling snippet from before last year's Tour:

"So when cycling fans seem less interested in the races than in the blood, hair and urine of the riders, the general public tends to get creeped out and moves on to golf, where talk of bodily fluids is mostly limited to Tiger Woods."

http://www.bicycling.com/news/featured-stories/straight-dope

Pow, funny stuff that lets people know that they should leave the skepticism to the pros (let the UCI handle this—Lance gave them this super cool drug testing machine). Being skeptical is bad for cycling, it's a beginners guide to that omerta thing!
This is just good LB work, sure you can make fun of his tri days, that is approved LB humor, that stuff will get you a tweet out.
http://www.bikerumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/lance-twitter-bikesnob.jpg
LMAO indeed. Keep that stuff up and you get reached out to, sure you may have to send a snob stand-in to suss out whether it's a hoax or not, but in the end you get a little face time with the Man.
http://twitter.com/#!/lancearmstrong/status/5290143794
In fact, come on down to the Mellow Johnnies opening.
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2008/05/harshing-my-mellow-pt-ii-partying-in.html
But DO NOT write about unapproved subjects like: respecting Greg Lemond, Lance's Novitslky "troubles" or the trove of ex-teammates saying Lance did naughty things (unless you are making fun of them, then that's OK—Floyd is CRAZY!!). This will not get you any tweet-ups, and won't make you popular enough to get a book made.
It's a dog eat dog world out there in LB-land, and so far the Snob has done "what it takes" to be a professional. Remember, Lance is watching you.
http://prollyisnotprobably.com/2009/10/lance_armstrong_and_bike_snob.php
And I am aware of the double standard of sending this anonymously, but I imagine you have IP looking-up capabilities anyway. Regardless, double standards rule!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:47pm,

Actually I don't mention it because it generates more creepy comments like yours.

--BSNYC

ant1 said...

ant1st!

JDH said...

Hope he /she doesn't need the bike to commute, because it won't be there tomorrow! Pretentiousness reigns. Nice lock job,Fred.

Buffalo Bill said...

Did I have too much to dream last night? Apparently not.

J Scott. Twat. said...

Anonymous 1:47

SRSLY? You're going to be this self involved during KIDGATE?

Anonymous said...

Creepy? Oh pish! I just want to hear some chuckle worthy comments about Lance's pettiness and vindictiveness, something along the line of that Finger Banging Gold you spin.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 1:47, if you think that BSNYC is a sell-out Lance apologist, then there is a simple solution -- STOP READING!!!

Better yet, start your own competing blog recasting Mr. Armstrong in what you perceive to be a more appropriate light.

Buh-bye, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Chris said...

Those beagles probably marked your Scattante as theirs.

HTMLSnobNYC said...

@anon 1:47,

You have some valid opinions, but dude, learn some basic tags and link that shit.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Snob,
The Beagles' owner was a woman looking to meet a new lover. Then again, that pink lock may have attracted a man.

ninja said...

Your cat petting method curation is really interesting.

Anonymous said...

Wait, we're not still debating whether snob is a one ball sucking sellout are we? Really?

JDH said...

anon 1;47, go forth and find a life for yourself. Snob is Lances bud?! What, a guy can't have friends that aren't perfect? Let the haters say what they will about Lance, that's their thing. Join them. Snob will remain his friend.

Anonymous said...

My not perfect friends puke in my car, they don't make me inject stuff to keep my job. Although puking in my car is really rude.

Anonymous said...

Lance doesn't have friends, he has employees. And saps.

Friendo said...

BEGL BIKE
PISS WATR
TIGR HUMP
WETD REAM

Anonymous said...

Also, if you're a New Yorker, you'd know that Snob has no friends either. Mostly stands alone and forlorn on the sidelines and watches races once he's inevitably dropped.

Stupid Name said...

Eben, you will always be bsnyc to us, we love you and your pink lock.

leroy said...

My dog wnats to know what you did to rate podium girls.

Ride safe all!

leroy said...

Is it just me or does Anon 1:47 make anyone else miss the Leroydex?

Old Crosser said...

More "strange" racks

http://www.cafemotos.com/CustomerPage.html

Mooch and Earl said...

"Little Pink Lock!
Little Pink Lock!"

Psychofred Freakout Victim said...

Beagles are cool, but they often have very poor human curating skills.

FuckingFierclyAnnoying said...

I saw Everett Bogue on bart the other week. Had a huge shipping box underfoot with his name on it. Looked like he ordered something from restoration hardware.







I call bullshit.

Eric said...

Did anyone notice the sound the psychedelic dream fred makes when reaching the speed of 12.3 mph at 0:38?

Bay of Fundies said...

hard to rerember the last time i got 100% on the quiz - woo hoo!

g-roc said...

Anon 1:47 - that's an insanely long comment; why no link to your blog? What's that? You don't have a blog? Get one already and post a link to it.

crosspalms said...

FFA,
I hope Ev ordered one of these

Anonymous said...

Comments on blogs are the new blogs.

Anonymous said...

Hey g-roc, where's your blog? Don't have one? I just proved you're wrong!

Jim Miller said...

At least there was no puddle under the bike when you came out

Anonymous said...

OK snob. First, Beagles are typically used for running rabbits. When they kick one up the rabbit will run and make a circle back to where it was nesting. That’s when you shoot it.
If you wish to track and tree a coon then i would pick something like a Blue Tick, Redbone, Walker, Black and Tan, hell we even had a black Mountain Cur that could run and tree like nobodies business. Those little beagles would get destroyed by a full grown bore coon.


Just saying.

cornhole said...

aw fuck

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

Beagles will typically cower like that whenever there are no rabbits around to distract them from their guilt. What are they guilty of? Only they know for sure, but there's always something.

Anonymous said...

Thats why we mostly keep coon hounds. Those things just loved to fight. Even so there was a few Beagles around through out the years. Now days its bird dogs. The old man would always say" when the tailgate drops the bullshit stops"

Marcel Da Chump said...

Anon 1:47,
You sound jealous of Snob. I know I am, bigtime. But I use that jealousy as a source of inspiration, not bitterness.
BTW, Ace Frehley was friends'with a woman who lived in my boyhood Bronx neighborhood. He parked his car right by her first floor window. Somehow that Porsche would mysteriously appear and disappear. Never a glimpse of Ace...STRUTTER.

Rocky Mountain Chuck said...

Good post, can't wait for Monady.

Anonymous said...

Marcel,
You aspire to be a LB also?

xyxax said...

NEWSFLASH:

Anonymous-posting douchebag with stalker tendencies has fewer testicles than Armstrong.
Daddy pay your internet bill again this month?

Anonymous said...

How does Snob inspire a person? Do you hope that one day a future federal criminal will pick you as a likely sap and 'befriend' you so that you'll write uncritical cloying pap about him?

Uncritical cloying pap said...

Hey, thanks, anon 5:59, I was beginning to think I'd never get into BSNYC

Anonymous said...

xyxax said...

I second that notion.

Anonymous 2:43....

Snob actually has a life (well, a kid anyway) and still can motor a bit, even with the extra lb's that no sleep and having a family (unless you're crazy rich) tend to add. I've lined up with him plenty of times at local races. And while he may not have great fitness, the guy's got a little engine (that thinks it can, thinks it can!) and knows how to race. He's a good bike handler and I'd rather race against him than 75% of other amateur knuckleheads who can't handle their bikes for shit and are delusional about how good they are.

Anonymous said...

http://www.bike-trend.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/colnago-ferrari-cf-7-2.jpg

Anonymous said...

Wrong answer! Snob's only a 3, everyone he races against has jobs/family. He still gets dropped every time.

Troxel Hunt Club said...

Hunting with beagles? Puh-leeze. Weimariners or German Shorthairs exclusively, old chap.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Everybody except the winning break gets dropped and schooled...what's the big deal. Almost all of us get dropped almost all the time.

Martin Erzinger said...

I want anon 1:47 ip address, so the UCI police can get him. No really, I want to know what public grade school gave him a diploma.

I can run him down at will.

Anonymous said...

Man walks into a record shop.......

"What have you got by The Doors?"

"A bucket of sand and a fire blanket..."

hey nonny mouse (running away quickly..!)

Longtime Nosebleed said...

Havent read the comments in a while...Pretty interesting return. That onefortyseven anon guy has an interesting pissy take but you have to hope he comes around and just enjoys riding his bike again and feel those rare bits of epo thrust that come into the legs everyonce and a while in a natural saturation of oxygen in the blood! I get it the more I get to ride and relax and think about scaleing alpdhuez on even flat hairpins!!!

Bon chance!

Anonymous said...

Hmm, I like riding my bike (why would you think I don't—do you have to like the Bike Snob to like riding a bike?), and I'm a very happy person. I have a family, totally moved out of the basement long ago. I giggle all the time. I like bunnies. The more hateful thing would be to create a blog everyday that took swipes at EVERYTHING (*except Lance), while being hypercritical and petty. I guarantee you I am more fun that this Snob person. I am just perplexed why he's reluctant to enjoy some fun at Lance's expense, he does it with everyone else...

onefourseven

Anonymous said...

Beware the Beagle of Caerbannog: it's the most foul, crruel, and bad-temperred canid you ever set eyes on.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Anon 1:47,
If LB stands for LEGENDARY BIKER, sure.

And you're exemplifying the INSPIRATION.

Anonymous said...

I am happy to provide the inspiration for you to become a Large Blowhard.

onefourseven

crosspalms said...

Speaking of Large Blowhards, what ever happened to angry dragon? I had the sense he loved bunnies and giggled, too.

BikeSnobNYC said...

onefourseven,

I answered your question like eight hours ago. This is the bike blog that doesn't talk about Lance Armstrong all the time. If you're not finding content that you want on this blog then I recommend you seek it out elsewhere, it shouldn't be too hard to find.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

So that means you haven't received the talking points yet?

Talking points said...

Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?

I Go Around and Around said...

Been watching the Nature Valley Grand Prix come apart at the seams. What'd I miss?

ce said...

What's everyone talking about?

Stupid Name said...

The beagles of time. Shorter, beafier, and with less attention span.

Anonymous said...

Heh, finally read today's post.

So, it seems onefourseven is a child who even at 9:48pm, is still obsessing over Lance on a blog that has only mentioned him cursorily, or even with some derision (I recall snob making fun of his ego and penchant for blondes on multiple occasions).

I dunno, it's just weird. Okay, you've gotten offended by something he's said that hit home. Well...get over it. He's plenty self deprecating. Again, if you don't like his brand of humor...why are you reading incessantly? I guess b/c you know you're a generic douche that probably has been accurately roasted by him.

I'm guessing: fixie hipster with tats.

Nothing wrong with any of those things in general. Just don't act like you're original and invented the idea of riding a bike in an urban area. Have fun and get over yourself and maybe one person's blog won't cause you to stalk him with nonsensical posts endlessly.

Anonymous said...

I appreciate the Strickland level moral gymnastics required to justify skewering every other professional cyclist (you had a picture of Contador with flying pieces of beef on TODAY'S post)—you've learned a lot at Bicycling. The matter is you really didn't respond to my assertion—are you and Lance buds? (it's OK, College can share I think). There's nothing wrong with that, of course, I wouldn't really take anything you said about professional cycling seriously though.

onefourseven

Anonymous said...

Jesus fucking christ boy, is it so hard? Tyler is a bitter hater with a book deal, Lance was just asking him about his wife. What the fuck do you think we pay you for? Hipster jokes?

Mark Fabiani

Anonymous said...

Onefourseven: "I gurantee you I am more fun that(n) this Snob person..."

Of course you are!...we all know that! You really are hilarious....fun, fun, fun....you have proven it!

good night

Etherhuffer said...

Jebus, no wonder I quit blogging. Blog trolls all vie for Head Alchemist, but turn gold into lead. (see G.W. Bush, et al. For a variation on the theme writ large.) Well enjoy the lead 1:47. Snack on some old white paint chips for us.

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

Well I thought for a while that Anon 1:47 & etc. had to be our buddy Ev, but I don't think he has that much energy to misdirect. I think it's just a random tweeker. Or maybe a Mini owner.

Alicia said...

Did you consider lifting and sliding the beagles through your frame? That might have been more fun than untying them. :)

Marcel Da Chump said...

100th
WOOF!

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob 101

For onefourseven said...

Number of times Lance Armstrong was mentionned in the Bike Snob blog

... according to a popular search engine


http://www.google.ca/search?as_q=lance+armstrong&as_epq=&as_oq=&as_eq=&hl=fr&num=10&lr=&cr=&as_ft=i&as_filetype=&as_qdr=all&as_occt=any&as_dt=i&as_sitesearch=http%3A%2F%2Fbikesnobnyc.blogspot.com%2F&as_rights=&safe=images&btnG=Recherche+Google

Anonymous said...

Apropos of BSNYC iconography:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/prick-veterinarian-keeps-dachshund-waiting-in-empt,20825/

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...i'm glad it was bsnyc/pdx/sfo/rtms who came across the 2 beagles leashed through his bike...

...if anon 1:47pm had encountered the same situation with his bike, i'd imagine he would have calculatingly cut 2 branches from the fenced-in tree, sharped the ends to points & driven them through the hearts of both beagles, before cutting the leashes...

...with his obviously tenacious 'i won't stop' attitude, he'd prob'ly kick their carcasses before pedaling off in self satisfaction...

...after drawing a 'smiley face' on the sidewalk, in blood...

...leroy...don't let your dog read this comment...i don't want him to have bad dreams...

I am the Swedish engine said...

I have only one thing say, when you were in Sweden did you see Ingeborg Sørensen?

leroy said...

BGW -- My dog says Anon 1:47 is so dumb, he chases parked cars.

Apparently, that's how dogs trash talk.

He's been giggling all day about that one.

bikesgonewild said...

...wait, what ???...are you saying your dog is a 'giggl-o'...

...nice work if you can get it...

yogisurf said...

Red lantern.

Chazu said...

Sheese.

Marcel Da Chump said...

BGW & Leroy: Truly inspired.


Happy Father's day to all the Pops out there.

WOOF!

bikesgonewild said...

...alas (sort of), bikesgonewild is not a dad...

...higher powers than mine suggested in their own way & with their infinite wisdom, that in order to make this a better world, perhaps it would be better were bgw not to procreate...

...i hadda respect that kinda judgment call...

...but major props to the all the honest, goodhearted, loving dads out there...

Anonymous said...

I'll take foodstuffs of the southern hemisphere for $200, Alex.
A salmoning recumbentista with loose shorts displays these.
What is kiwi fruit?

KIWI FRUT

Blog Comments Moderator said...

See what happens when you feed a troll?

Arthur from the Larry Sanders Show said...

I speak fluent bullshit.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Lance who?

sportscars said...

i certainly agreeable opinion and views.
Your blog provides a fresh look at the subject.

Jeff said...

Hey Snob,
Now you can find images of the TTTSWRFFTPTD
even easier!

Brodsky Organization said...

Wow--cannot believe those dog owners. They really could have tied the beagles on the next tree box over or at least to the other side of the tree box. Perhaps they have a personal vendetta against bicyclists and that explains their actions. Either way, its good to know that no dogs or bikes were injured in this occurrence.

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Fixie Bikes said...

Awwww, those poor dogs!