Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Agents of Change: Of Freds and Men

The empowering effect the Internet has had on humanity is so profound and far-reaching as to be immeasurable. It has fomented revolution in the Middle East. Videos of doggie "three-ways" are merely a mouse click away. And now, as Klaus from Cycling Inquisition tells me, you can decide who's going to be on Team RadioShack's (pronounced "LAY-oh-pard Trek") Tour de France team:

Yes, that's right: Johan Bruyneel, a director who once reigned over a Tour-winning machine like a potentate, is now allowing you to pick, say, Robbie McEwen in the same cavalier manner in which you might "like" a doggie three-way video. Then, once the lineup is set, I imagine RadioShack will "drop" their new "app:"


With the RadioShack "U-Direct It!" app, you're in the driver's seat of the team car, and you get to control all the action from your smartphone or tablet:

[Note: "Attack" button not compatible with Levi Leipheimer.]

By the way, RadioShack aren't the only ones taking social networking to a new level at this year's Tour, and for the first time TV network Versus is offering viewers the opportunity to choose the commentating team. This could spell trouble for the venerable duo of Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen, for beating them in the polling at the moment is the unlikely pairing of actor Morgan Freeman and fictional 1980s newscasting puppet Gary Gnu:

This may seem a bit arbitrary, but word is they totally "killed it" last year when they co-hosted the Latin Grammys.


Apparently, he jumped out from behind a house like a silent movie villain, joined the ride, and then totally bogarted the showers at the finish:

Despite being told to leave the event by other participants, Riccò rode the whole course and then even had the nerve to use the shower facilities provided by the organisers at the finish in Voghera, near Milan.

By the way, Riccò is not the only controversial professional to "ride bandit" in this fashion. Back in 2008, the Rock Racing team actually jumped into a race in Brooklyn's Prospect Park when they were in town for the Harlem Skyscraper Classic. Of course, Rock Racing ultimately folded, but with the right look Riccò could have a long career ahead of him as an organized ride-crasher. I think he should get his hands on a fixie and dress like this, which would allow him to slither undetected into rides like the Five Boro Bike Tour:

The above image was forwarded to my by a reader, who cannily observed that the rider is clearly the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork's evil doppelgänger:

It's clear to me now that we stand on the cusp of an apocalyptic war between Good and Evil that could very well lay waste to the Universe, and that at this point there is only one man who can save us:

It is written in the Book of Fred that if the Lone Wolf should take the maillot jaune, mankind shall be saved. Of course, for that to happen, we need to get him a spot on the Team RadioShack Tour de France squad, but once he has his white-sneakered foot in the door winning the overall should be easy for him.

Speaking of empowerment and changing the future, from Athens, Greece I recently received a link to by far the most socially significant fixie "edit" ever "curated:"

The Prism: Riders on the Storm from localathensfilms on Vimeo.

If you're wondering what motivates these riders, according to the video their goal is two-fold:

1) "The creation of a community which will reflect the ideas of the group and will have a more solid political stance in relation to all that goes on around us;"

and

2) "The creation of conceptual actions that basically aim to reinforce collective imagination of the city's inhabitants towards a specific direction."

Wow. Meanwhile, this remains the state of affairs here in Canada's oversized bottom bracket:



I suppose you could also call that a conceptual action that reinforces collective imagination towards a specific direction. Granted, I'm not sure what that specific direction actually is, but I'm guessing it's somewhere towards the vicinity of the snack drawer.

And elsewhere in not-America, a reader informs me that some Stockholm politicians feel cyclists should be allowed to run red lights:

“As a cyclist you want to feel free and it is not as easy to go an extra two blocks as if you are in a car. There is a risk that people ignore the rules anyway, and then it is better to make it legal in an orderly fashion,” he said to daily Dagens Nyheter (DN).

Sounds perfectly sensible to me, but of course the big question is this: "So what about that teen boy who grabbed his principal's butt?"

Well, it's an unfortunate situation, and the principal reportedly feels "humiliated:"

She doesn't look all that humiliated to me, but then again Swedes can be difficult to read.

Lastly, from our nation's capital, a reader has sent me this exquisite example of a disembodied arm:

I just wish I could figure out how he's making that bike stand up without a kickstand.

It must be Photoshopped.

66 comments:

Anonymous said...

win?

Anonymous said...

NINE TIMES!!!!!

Anonymous said...

booyah!

- anonymous (not 1:47, another one)

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

whooo hooo!

Anonymous said...

If I only had Crabon Fibre

Anonymous said...

Top Ten!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Nogocyclist said...

No Comment

thegock said...

BONG HITS

Anonymous said...

Ok, now I know mr. snob is trolling me. I'm not taking the bait. Oh, wait...

Anon 1:37

Anonymous said...

I have come to realization that the fixed gear track stand is really the hipster two wheel unicycle. Look at that fellow in Canada's moves pure unicycle if you ask me. He should juggle a bong or three while he is at it.

Chazu said...

He waited until he was 15 to make a move on an older woman? Amateur.

Anonymous said...

LONE WOLF
BUTT GRAB
PURE GOLD

hillbilly said...

boy howdy

Marcel Da Chump said...

doggie love train

WOOF!

Anonymous said...

Save us Lone Wolf!

Anonymous said...

Bromptoneers!

Brian said...

Haha. Gotta love that Ricco is taking a page out of VDB's book -- but it doesn't really hold a candle to racing a grand fondo with a fake license sporting a photo of Tom Boonen.

Kenny Banya said...

"Note: "Attack" button not compatible with Levi Leipheimer."

Gold Snobby, GOLD!

Anonymous said...

20!!!!!!!!
Ladies

Indy Falconheads said...

I love a good belly laugh in the morning. Thanks Snob!

Anonymous said...

we are all just a couple of bad decisions and a bright yellow sweatshirt away from becoming lone wolf.

RB1 said...

"The creation of conceptual actions that basically aim to reinforce collective imagination of the city's inhabitants towards a specific direction."

to hell with that. try paying your bloody taxes.

Pebes said...

"as always, no gnus is good gnews"

Thanks for reminding me about the great space coaster- haven't thought about it in about 25 years.

Anonymous said...

I am still angry

Patrick said...

It was raining today and I rode the bus. Man, I feel like a failure.

leroy said...

I told my dog there was a video of him riding in a paceline.

He told me to go sponsor myself.

Sometimes he has no sense of humor.

grog said...

Senator Snob,
Thanks for the Babe.
Happy Solstice!

crosspalms said...

@Patrick
I did that yesterday and felt the same way

Anonymous said...

¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!

Anonymous said...

I thought one was supposed to grab the principal's butt at all school assemblies and graduations.

cornhole said...

thats just fucked

I am an angst engine said...

Can we direct Bruyneel, who to give the white lunch bags to?

The lunch bags would not clash with the Lone Wolfs awesome bike.

More importantly, can I and thousands of other spectators personally take the blame for team Radio Shack sucking. I need to feel bad about something else, that I have no control over.

Sorry to open that wound again, I bet some anonymous douche bag will write an incoherent and undecipherable diatribe again.

Stupid Name said...

That is one fine looking butt on a principal, my life would have been different if I had been educated in Northern Europe instead of in the USA where the double wides live.

wishiwasmerckx said...

You should ESPECIALLY grab the principal's butt if you are home-schooled!

Billy said...

The thought of riding my bicycle back and forth on my daily commute as a form of social activism and protest gives me the recommended daily allowance of smugness.

bikesgonewild said...

...cycling mandate - ride your bike, be considerate of others & most of all - don't be an assos...

Marcel Da Chump said...

The track stand bong hit hipster wears a disguise so his parents don't see the mess he's made of their apartment.

Quincy Quincette said...

Choosing to sit naked somewhere is a bit different to having someone touch you without your permission :-p

7sp said...

Transported a real, living tree on the Xtracycle today, in the rain. Smugness supernova.

Luke said...

It must be tough taking such a hard line stance against consumerism while filming yourself, surrounded by color-coded track bikes, using thousands of dollars of audio-visual equipment.

crosspalms said...

The revolution will be televised in HD

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

It rained today. I did not take the bus. I rode my bike. I wore no rain gear. It still wasn't epic.

Fred said...

Piffle, that track stand is no big deal. I used to track-stand in traffic while using an abacus (my first cyclo-computer).

Anonymous said...

Panties! Ass-grabbing! Panties!

Leo-Pard Treck said...

Man, you really probed those silly Greeks in the Assos!

JDH said...

@ thegock, Weawwy?? Dat was too easy! Just pissed cuz ya beat me to it!

JDH said...

Not so much the trackstand, but what is holding up the DISEMBODIED ARM!?

TTTSWRFFTPT-Quincy Chapter said...

I THOUGHT THEY ENCOURAGED THIS KIND OF MOLESTATION IN SWEDEN! Just the other day the euro-trash media was beating us up over Weinergate, saying we are sexually frustrated and backward. That's true, but now they want it both ways? Well,I could go for that,as long as they STFU.

Rupert Murdoch said...

The Riders on the Storm are describing pre-FDR America!

Vegas said...

Well said, Luke. I was thinking the same thing.

Oh, and mad props to the reader who spotted the TTRFFTPTD "Urban Guerilla Warfare" Special Limited Edition. 5 more box-top UPCs and that sucker is MINE! I hope it's got swivel-arm battle-grip!

I Go Around and Around said...

I think someone told Levi Leipheimer that not attacking was the best way to avoid rumors about doping. No explosive acceleration on climbs then obviously no blood packing or EPO, right? Unfortunately, he made a mistake and torched the TT course in the Tour de Suisse, winning the race and ruining all those years of careful work.

Why do I think Ricco was smoking a cigarette while standing behind that house waiting for the Fondo to appear?

And cheating to win a Fondo? A Fondo?

Anonymous said...

No PhotoShop...just a bungee from the front wheel to the downtube.

Anonymous said...

Lance said it is a good and funny post.

I am his assistant's intern.

His assistant (therefore my boss) told me to write this.

Livestrong.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Those anarchists are clueless. Aside from the fine points Luke made, they chose the wrong Doors' song.
WAITING FOR THE SUN...there.

Etherhuffer said...

Livestrong? WTF? Get thee to Archie McPhee

http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/Bad-Attitude-Wristbands.html

Jasper said...

What Kenny said - the best post since the last really funny one.

And when crosspalms said..."The revolution will be televised in HD", it reminded me that I found out about Gil Scott-Heron's death from the crawler on the bottom of the screen when I accidently switched on Fox News in a motel room. How ironic is that?

Anonymous said...

Anyone know what's up with the hoards of invisible flying penis-ez tonight?
I am okay with wingbat vay jays.
This is creeping me out.
-angry dragon

Anonymous said...

I enjoy the ratassed bastard Ricco doing dastardly deeds and causing mayhem. Just wait until he super glues the brake cables on the Shleck bros bikes (natural bite the dust bros) and does the double tap and super glues fingerbangs hubs.
Rooting for you Ricco.
Sam Hell

Anonymous said...

Looking for a part-time dental assistant in Manhattan.
Teeth not necessarily important as positive attitude.
Send a mouth shot to DaveG@fingerlings.com.

Fritz said...

Kudos to the fixie hipster for not spilling the bong water

Anonymous said...

"If you're a man, next time someone's unimpressed with your endowment, just try telling them that half your penis is inside your body and that it's actually twice as long as it looks. Then throw in the part about how you have magnificent erections of "epic" duration while you're snoring and drooling all over your pillow and you'll have your pick of anybody at the bar."

I'm not quick on compliments, but the paragraph above is one of the funniest words ever put together in the history of literature. Thanks for the privilege of reading it.

Anonymous said...

anybody else notice that the bong-hit attempt apartment wall has 6 American Express cards tapped to the wall? i guess they gotta get their munchies some how... but.. odd...

ekle paylas said...

nice blog Thanks for sharing. voicesohbet was really very nice.
sesli chat siteleri sesli sohbet
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslichat seslisohbet
sesli siteleri chat siteleri
sohbet siteleri sesli siteler
voice sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli sohbet seslisohbet
sohbet siteleri sesli chat siteleri
seslichat sesli chat
herkesburda herkes burda
sohbetmerkezi sohbetmerkezi

Hair Transplant in turkey said...

Thanks for the information. I really enjoyed, I would like get more
information about this,because is very beautiful, thanks for sharing
saç ekimi doktoru

Fixie Bikes said...

The internet makes anything possible.