Monday, April 4, 2011

Value-Added Content: You Get What You Pay For

Before launching BSNYC/RTMS Blogging and Investment Services, Inc. (NYSE: DOUCHE) and consequently becoming the sixth-most wealthy person in the world, I was in the employ of a small business concern, which meant that I had a boss. My boss was very much what people call a "self-made man," and he had built his successful business by the sweat of not only his brow but of his other body parts as well, which made our offices a moist and somewhat fragrant place to work.

I had a tremendous amount of respect for this boss. He provided me with a living, he taught me the business in which we were engaged, and he revealed much to me about the nature of life itself. Of course, like any boss he would occasionally abuse his power, and like any employee I would occasionally lapse into periods of puerile resentment, but for the most part it was a happy working relationship. In any case, I honestly believe that there are few more valuable experiences than working for and being shouted at by a self-made man or woman. It takes long periods of intense pressure to form things of beauty and value, as mountain ranges, coastlines, and diamonds prove.

Also, I made off with like $17,000 in office supplies when I finally left, so if you want a sweet, sweet deal on some printer cartridges then just email me here.

Anyway, if you work for a business comprised of more than one person you probably have "meetings," and this was also the case with us. Ostensibly, the purpose of these meetings was so that we could all apprise each other of what we were working on, but in practice they mostly consisted of my boss regaling us with tales of his latest achievements in his characteristically "flambullient" fashion. Certainly he was more than justified in doing so, since we all owed our livelihoods to the proceeds of his flambullience, but still I'd be lying if I said it wasn't sometimes a little difficult for me to watch. In fact, as someone who tends to think in metaphor, I could never completely shake the idea that the purpose of these meetings was so that my boss could wag his penis around in front of us and attempt to impress us with it.

"Wouldya look at the size of this thing?," I'd hear him saying as he recounted the value of his latest deal. "And it's not just the length, it's the girth," he'd further explain as he elucidated the finer deal points. Meanwhile, I'd just sit there squirming until he finally got around to sheathing himself and asking what I'd been up to lately, and my stomach would drop as I'd reluctantly unzip my metaphorical fly so everybody else could point and laugh.

Granted, this may be less revealing of my boss's personality than it is of my own profound insecurity and innumerable hang-ups, but whatever the case it should go a long way towards explaining why I retreated from the world of business and now spend my days hiding and blogging for free Scattantes with nobody but a helper monkey for company.

"So what does this have to do with, well, anything?," you may be asking as you either gag or experience the faint stirrings of sexual arousal. Well, those meetings were the first things I thought about when I read the following editorial in The Wall Street Journal:

As I mentioned this past Friday, recently The Wall Street Journal asked me to unzip and present to them my thoughts about bike lanes. I did so, and while they didn't exactly point and laugh, they did react with indifference and move onto something bigger--that "something bigger" apparently being the massive schlong that is satirist P.J. O'Rourke.

Obviously there is much that is inflammatory in O'Rourke's editorial, but also obviously, as a work of satire, we would be foolish and humorless to be inflamed by it. This is because, to quote another (and vastly better) work of satire, "It's not meant to be taken literally, it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products."

What is frustrating though is that, while this editorial is satire, it's also an excellent example of someone calling a meeting so that he can show everybody his penis. However, unlike my boss, who wagged his dick over things he had actually accomplished in a field in which he was an expert, O'Rourke is just sort of rubbing his dick all over an issue with which I can't imagine he has even the slightest bit of experience. "What's that? Bike lanes?" I could hear him asking an editor. "Sure, I can rub my big, greasy comedy penis all over that one." Like Peter Max simply slathers some paint on a photograph, calls it art, and holds out his hands for a check, in this case O'Rourke just smeared some of his smegma on whatever his idea of people riding bikes is and called it satire. It's not even new smegma, either. He did the same thing back in 1987, when he presented chunks of dick cheese disguised as bon mots such as this, and he's clearly had no new comic insights on the subject since then:

I don't like the kind of people who ride bicycles

At least I think I don't. I don't actually know anyone who rides a bicycle. But the people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to be dictated by UNICEF. These people should be confined.

I apologize if I have the wrong impression. It may be that bicycle riders are all members of the New York Stock Exchange, Methodist bishops, retired Marine Corps drill instructors, and other solid citizens. However, the fact that they cycle around in broad daylight making themselves look like idiots indicates that they're crazy anyway and should be confined just the same.

Stereotyping for the sake of humor only really works when you understand the stereotype. Obviously he has never ridden a bicycle in Central Park, since his second paragraph pretty much describes the membership of the CRCA.

None of this is to deny someone's right to capitalize on his own whimsical secretions. Indeed, our entire economy is based on commodifying the "stank" on our collective "hang-lows," and to deny this would be positively un-American. (Or, worse, Canadian). Still, you'd like to think that if a New York newspaper wanted someone to skewer the bike lanes in New York, they could have at least found a New Yorker instead of some guy who lives in "rural New Hampshire" and was edgy back in the 1970s. But then again, why should they bother? After all, cycling is still one of those things it's perfectly fine for the mainstream media to completely mischaracterize or else dismiss as a fringe activity despite the fact that millions of people do it. Just throw it to the novice reporter, or else the old satirist who's hopelessly out of touch, and let them do whatever they want with it.

Meanwhile, between running BSNYC/RTMS Blogging and Investment Services, Inc., tending to my sustainable urban chicken coop, and eking out sufficient time to ride my bicycle in a recreational fashion, I completely missed the Tour of Flanders, which by all accounts seems to have been tremendously exciting:

I did manage to save the race to my DVR, and I plan to watch it just as soon as I've gotten through my backlog of "Glee" episodes, but in the meantime I do find the phrase "Cramps on the Muur" whimsically evocative, and I hope Cancellara will consider penning a memoir under that title. He can even use a ghost writer, which is the literary equivalent of a Gruber Assist.

Lastly, a reader informs me that the PistaDex in Seattle has just spiked dramatically, for you can now trade your track bike for a Picasso:

Date: 2011-03-31, 11:43AM PDT
Reply to: [deleted]

I know this may be a little random, but I want a new bike, and am team broke like most people in this economy, so, I am interested in doing a little trade. What am I offering, I have an original Picasso La Celestina etching that I purchased a few years ago from the Franklin Bowles Art Gallery in San Francisco, CA for $4,500 and I am interested in trading it for a nice Track Bike, Fixed Gear, Mountain Bike, or ? If you are a racer and have an extra track bike or tri bike, that is what I am most interested in, but I will look at other options as well. I am 5/9 so a Medium size bike is what I am looking for. Please e-mail me with your potential trade. Located in Seattle.



No word if Picasso also rubbed his manhood on it, but we can always hope.

113 comments:

Anonymous said...

First?

Mark said...

And second!

Anonymous said...

3

rfalso said...

Circles turning circles

Lantern Rouge said...

Smug 5?

ricky said...

so i wents up to hazard to takes a fiddle lessin and i tolt my teacher i was tired of sukin so bad

he sez you ever see the black swan

i sez no the last movie they showd at viper was attack of the zombie strippers

he sez lissen here son ifn you wants to get in touch with yer inner fiddler i gots an asinement for you

he sez now i wants you to go home and beat off all weekend

boy howdy i sez

so i did want i was tolt and i dont know about my inner fiddler but i gots good grip strength with my bowin hand

agent detroit said...

top ten, bitches!

Anonymous said...

top 10?
-frye

Dave said...

Now Snobbie I am on the horns of a dilemma. For P.J. O'Rourke is my favorite political satirist and a fine writer while you are my favorite blogging satirist and a fine writer as well. I just hope that this does not turn into a real throwdown between you two. Mostly because P.J. owns guns.

samh said...

Where does the WSJ find these douches?

Anonymous said...

Snob just schooled the Eminence Grise of satire. Well done!

Indy Falconheads said...

Nicely played Snob, nicely played.

mikeweb said...

Snob, very phallus-y post today. On my next 'nature break', I will shake one extra time in tribute.

Anonymous said...

Snob: Nice fact checking re: PJO's previous satirical rant against bicycles. Jon Stewart would be proud of you.

hillbilly said...

bueno

I am not an exhibitionist engine said...

"I could never completely shake the idea that the purpose of these meetings was so that my boss could wag his penis around in front of us and attempt to impress us with it."

Made me laugh uncontrollably, thought that a "meeting " at the WSJ, would be an ultimate of all ultimate "foffing off in public"

OBA said...

Competing with Wu Tang Financial? You've got Moxie, kid!

Plus, can P.J. O'Rourke please SMB now?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Pont said...

HAIL CSZR


-P.P.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the WSJ was just hoping you'd fling poo at the passing cars instead of providing a thoughtful analysis of the bike lane issue?

Nuance is clearly out of style.


Balls.

Spence said...

Why do the heathen rage?????

Marcel Da Chump said...

P.J O'Rourke is as a total has-been. I haven't read anything by him since I canceled my subscription to The Atlantic, over ten years ago. He comes across now as a flaccid, senile male sex organ who's fuck buddying with Rupert Murdoch.

Pontius Pilate said...

Dang it.

Spence said...

Nothin' but Lucifer!!!!

PJO said...

The mere existence of a bicycle is an offense to Wisdom and Reason.

So fuck you.

Etherhuffer said...

Hey Snobby, do I get my 2 nanoseconds of fame for cluing you on PJ's 1987 screed or were "down with that" "when it dropped" in '87?

I have always liked his satire, but I also liked Ted Nugent in '76 before he went right wingnut and took to smearing his smegma on underage girls. Perhaps PJ should hang up his quill, or at least coat it with some fresh smegma.

Stupid Name said...

PJ is a pretty doughy guy, perhaps he should look at a bike or a pogo stick, and give them a try.

After reading his beliefs on the progression of evils following bike lanes I could only think of how well that worked for "Santorum." I think an O'Rourke should be in the Urban dictionary as "a limp dick squashed in a bike lane".

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

PJ O'Rourke is a whimsical secretion, A big hot steamy one.

simon bolivar said...

yup, lowering taxes will solve even the traffic congestion problem. And bike lanes are designed to increase government dependence and make people feel like children in a nanny state. Thanks for the insight PJ. OH and i think modifying your name to "PJ" is another way to make your self feel like a child in a nanny state too.

I guess if people rather chose to ride city buses or trains, or pay for city licensed taxi cabs, or drive federally bailed out automobiles then they would feel less dependent on the state.

riding a bike is one of the most entrepreneurial and independent things you could do.

I hope Lucho from Cycling Inquisition sees that line about bike lanes in Bogota replacing lanes for drug mules. Right wing media again displaying total ignorance about the subjects they report on.

Anonymous said...

PJO'R has been a legend in his own mind for decades. If the dorks at Car & Driver are still running his secretions, they surely are not paying him money for them.

Anonymous said...

"A good, hard-played game of Mother-May-I will make us all more physically fit. Fitness being another reason given for cluttering our cities with bike lanes. But why is it so important that the public be fit? Fit for what? Are they planning to draft us into forced labor battalions?"

Isn't what the WSJ had planned for us after they take away our unions.

crosspalms said...

I guess the Journal looked at all the comments John Cassidy got for his loopy rants (most in his life, by far) and decided to go click-hunting. Another cynical waste of space, which is pretty much what the whole paper has become. Fitting that O'Rourke is named after pajamas.

Anonymous said...

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704050204576218600999993800.html?mod=wsj_share_twitter#articleTabs%3Dcomments

Oh yea

Anonymous said...

Drug mule lanes?

brad said...

Hooray! I'm in the top 1000 first comments.

ricky said...

so snobbie im gessin yer boss was a purty good fiddle player

Pulverized Concepts said...

Oh, Oh, BSNYC is jealous of the immensely successful P.J. O'Rourke getting the opportunity to rip bikes in the WSJ. I ride a bike every day all year around and I think bike lanes are stupid, being covered with snow 5 months of the year. You're aces BS but P.J. has got the jump on you.

Anonymous said...

this post is a little too wet and moist for my taste

Anonymous said...

PJ needs a judicious application of the sanitary napkin

Marcel Da Chump said...

Pee Jay! Oh! Dork! You mad man. You told the story about the time you and your friends tried to make it with that cow! Blistering satire! How hot you used to be. And how cold you turned out.

Twistyface said...

Peter Max is an anagram of 'this took 20 minutes'

BikeSnobNYC said...

Pulverized Concepts,

Of course I'm jealous, I thought I made it pretty clear that I'm insecure. Anyway, I gather PJ thinks our riding bicycles is stupid even without the lanes.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

P.J. O'Rourke is a stupid fatso and I didn't bother reading it. I didn't buy anything from the advertisers either. And that may be the problem.

Nogocyclist said...

Quote PJ O'Rourke (from 1987): "Furthermore, bicyclists do not ..........., or submit to breathalyzer tests under the threat of law. And they never get caught in radar traps."

Satire has it's place, but it is best when it is close to the truth. I don't know the laws in NYC in regards to drunk driving, but in many areas a cyclist is fully culpable to the DUI laws. A police officer may not ticket a cyclist for DUI, but he would only be doing it because of his own judgement. Anyone would rather have a drunk on a 20lb. bike than in 3,000lb. car.

Yes cyclist can be ticketed for speeding. It is rare, but only becauseh many just don't feel the need to ride fast enough to actually break the speed limit.

Anonymous said...

Snob,
You weren't kidding,there really IS a huge East Coast backlash against cycling.
So the WSJ published two hit pieces while balking on you're "balanced" effort.
This is bad news, because I'll eventually have to defend myself against O'Roarke's misinformation,
What a dick.

Anonymous said...

I don't like the WSJ and P.J. is a piece of shit.

Anonymous said...

I don't like P.J. and the WSJ is a piece of shit.

Anonymous said...

I think both the WSJ and P.J. are pieces of shit and I don't like either one of them.

ringcycles said...

Since its clear that Mr. o'Rourke hasn't been on a bicycle since he fell off his Schwinn Stingray, and since he resides in rural New Hampshire, his opinion on bike lanes is like taking sex advice from a eunuch.

Full disclosure; I confess that I too live in rural New Hampshire. Are my comments no longer welcome now? I promise to tell PJ what I think of him when he pulls his Suburban in at the dump.

Anonymous said...

PJO'RSMB

Anonymous said...

i think PJ also did an unfunny bit on his hate for bikers in his book republican party reptile. didn't understand the line about cycling around in broad daylight making themselves look like idiots? should we only ride at night? or is the mere act of riding a bicycle idiotic? this is pretty trite even for a bloated over the hill douchebag like Mr o'rourke.

Anonymous said...

I think WSJ did not expect your opinions to be quite so supportive of bike lanes, given you spend so much time skewering everyone who uses them. They were expecting from you something more like PJ's crap. Nice to see you take a stand though. Smug or no, cyclists belong on city streets.

Matt said...

I read PJ's article yesterday and felt saddened as much as anything. He used to be so funny back in the 1964 Estes Kefauver yearbook/Animal House/National Lampoon's Family Vacation days. His later writings just got kind of dull and I didn't even know he was still at it. Maybe he should retire. Or perhaps he can get a stint on Monday Night Football.

Anonymous said...

just read the PJ article, sad that this guy was once considered relevant and edgy. His argument is about as rational and convincing as the rantings of a deranged subway preacher and his anti polical correct schtick is about as relevant and funny as Gallagher's comedy act. I

Martin Erzinger said...

PJ has it right.

His entire premise is that:

I don't do it, therefore it must be stupid.

I drive my Suburban because Idon't have to do it.

People who do it are stupid.

Men of my important stature don't do it.

People of less stature do it, they must be stupid.

Bike lanes just prevent me from "culling the herd".

Bike lanes are therefore stupid.

He has to be right, because he is witty.

Anonymous said...

dear mr. p.j o'rourke:

i have been a fan of your works for a number of years. in fact, when reading "the lonely guy's book of life" as a child, i was so taken by the passage concerning Haughty Felice that i strove mightily to become an investment banker myself, in hopes of one day procuring her services for myself. however, in your latest editorial for the WSJ, you....

what? "the lonely guy's book of life" was written by national treasure and author of "dr. detroit" bruce jay friedman? oh, then never mind.

p.j. o'rourke, you are a putz.

Marcel Da Chump said...

The mere wisdom and reason of PJO is quite obvious.

Anonymous said...

Hipsters are no longer content to just decorate their own anuses with ink...now they must decorate their canine's as well...

http://www.fwaphoto.com/#/2011-04-01/

-Ken

grog said...

If it's wet and moist, then take the bus.

g-roc said...

Thanks Snobby, once again I got my money's worth and won't be requesting a full or partial refund, although with all the pee-pee (can't even bring myself to type it) talk it was close.

PJ is too mehrelevant to get wound-up about. He's a car guy, what'd you expect?

g-roc said...

grog, you got that right. Even the apocalyptic Surly takes the bus.

Google is yer pal said...

I recalled a book review that had something funny to say about PJ O'Douche, and through the magic of a famous search engine, I found it. It was a blurb about the book Give War a Chance (clever title worthy of a hipster "film").

"The conservative pundit wannabe tries to irony out the comic wrinkles in Desert Storm, Mideast politics and Dr. Ruth but mainly confirms that he still can't carry Art Buchwald's cigar."

Anonymous said...

Picasso! What happened to Tarck bikes?? The Just Kidding girl still isn't topless! Smegma! Panties!

Salty and Sore said...

Psshaaaww-ah-hahaha...

Now that's funny.

Trying to trade a Picasso print to a Seattle Track racer... hahaha... (I just can't stop laughing!)

It's got, not just one, but two vulvae in full frontal view.

hahaha.. Never happen.

Johann Rissik said...

PJO is a sad old fuck.
@ Stupid Name 1.21: I think an O'Rourke should be in the Urban dictionary as "a limp dick squashed in a bike lane".
++++++++!!!!

Dick Cheese said...

I know PJ pretty well and he's a flabby dude and has been sucking balls for a long, long time for whatever that's worth.

Spanky and the Gang said...

Dear P.J.,

You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you.

Udder said...

Intolerance of competitive satire is sad, especially when the stuff that offends is tongue-in-cheek.

KC and the Sunshine Band said...

Dear Mr. O'Rourke,

What meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

Mojo Nixon said...

Intolerance of fat old windbags is a moral imperative.

Portlandpeopleeater said...

O'Rourke is an idiot. BSNYC, thanks for the occasional guffaw, and multitude of laughs. Cancer's been a bitch and the humor helps. I haven't been able to take a ride in over 6 months. Somebody take a spin today (preferably on a bike lane in NYC) and appreciate the beauty of the ride. And watch out for smegma.

Dennis said...

In case you need help being a hipster http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Hipste

Jasper said...

In the good old U of K we call it willy waving, but it is just as tiresome, especially from flaccid has-beens.

Hootie and the Blowfish said...

Hey big guy at the old WSJ,

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

I am the ironic engine said...

Udder you thin PJ is using satire? Perhaps he is using irony or sarcasm?

I don't think so, PJ is just doing the douche pile on bike lanes. Maybe the NYPD is really just being ironic with those radar guns at 5 in the morning.

Anonymous said...

No coverage of the Rapha recall? They put embrocation in containers of chamois cream. That's chainging their scentways to 'ai chi-HUA-hua-ways.'

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 5:05pm,

You might want to check the date on that recall.

--BSNYC

Fritz said...

What Hootie said times ten...

Marcel Da Chump said...

Hootie and the Blowfish never sounded so good.

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!
You're an excellent writer and satirist - unlike PJ who doesn't have any kindness for the people he's mocking. More cultural criticism please!

Also, having just come back from NYC, my hometown, and even having ridden the PPW lane - bike lanes have helped turn New York into a livable place; it helps de-marginalize neighborhoods; I don't miss "back in the day" when everyone had a gun. Though even back then, I found a metal waterbottle useful.

Anonymous said...

Bike lanes are for scared wussie roadies. Time to grow a set boys!

-angry dragon

Anonymous said...

Angry douchebag

-angry beaver

Anonymous said...

If Marcel says Hootie and the Blowfish again I just might blow one on a banana slug in forest park.

-angry dragon

Angry Dragoon said...

Damn, where's my musket?

Incentive Bastage said...

If ol' angry hosebag was just showing up now, I'd wonder if he/she/it was PJO'R. They occupy approximately the same spot on the evolutionary scale.

JDH said...

85, smug twats!Sorry.

RB1 said...

much astute commentary, but all missing the main point : o'rourke is a whore

Anonymous said...

used to be a whore. now he's just a has been.

Eskimo said...

Since when does NYC get five months of snow on the ground?

Bleevo said...

Here's what i was up to this weekend:

http://www.moviewavs.com/0094473955/WAVS/Movies/40_Year_Old_Virgin/eggsaladsandwich.wav

Oldentard said...

RB1 7:59 you just beat me to it. I have to admit I got a pretty good laugh out of the WSJ piece but then I have no emotional involvement in NYC bike lanes or O'Rourke's work. I never quite understood how he became a conservative Republican other than he is being paid to do it. I was thinking "hired gun" but whore says it also. But while I almost never agree with what he says, I still get a kick out of the way he says it.

But I stand continually in awe of the Snob's exponential growth in craft, power & yabbie-having. Go get 'em, son! I see a network show on the horizon.

bikesgonewild said...

...polarizing piece, bsnyc/pdx/rtms...

...what's sad is that pj o'rouke still has the capacity to be witty, funny & perhaps even relevant but here, in trying to appeal to a particular segment of the populas, the 'wall street journologgers', he just douched on a decidedly bigger segment of the populas...

...not everyone rides in nyc, patrick jake but there are a fuck of a lotta bike riders around this country (canada's pampers), some of whom stir the pages of the 'wsj' on occasion & who take exception to your obviously puerile obliviousness...

...wake up, sparkie...use some a ' that 'age & guile...' to smell the roses...

Marcel Da Chump said...

I saw RETURN OF THE DRAGON in a sold-out theatre in Washington Heights when it first came out. Two of my uncles took me to see that movie. One of 'em passed away last year. He was one of those guys you'd never suspect of being a gangster. I once had dinner with him and a couple of his business associates at Umberto's Clamhouse in Little Italy, where Crazy Joe Gallo had been gunned down. Bob Dylan wrote the song JOEY on His Desire album in his honor. Joey Gallo was a cool dragon.

Anonymous said...

...BGW can smell the roses.
...I'll take the tulips.

-angry dragon

Anonymous said...

Having bad dreams about Vincent Gallo inventing biking in NYC, graffiti, Basquiat and cornering the market on Travis Bean guitars.

-angry dragon

bikesgonewild said...

...angry grasshopper, you have so much to learn...

...ahhh, the rose...from bright, vibrant & even deep musky colors to the subtlest of shadings, a rose not has only an exquisite & layered sculptural form to it but such a wonderfully beautiful scent & yet while admiring it, if one isn't careful, the thorn from a rose will remind you that you have an exceptional bit of nature in your hands...

...a tulip, while colorfully bright & vibrant is of such a form that one really needs a bunch, if not a field full, to be really appreciated...

...were tulips & roses women, i'd choose the rose every time...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

P.J. O'Rourke > Loser blogger called Bike Snob

bikesgonewild said...

...hmmm...that should read "...a rose 'not only has' an exquisite & layered sculptural form to it..."...

...abysmal quotationist...

Uncle Rupert said...

now P.J's grandkids are defending him. Don't take it personal, kiddies. Your granpa loves you. He just hates who he's paid to hate.

Anonymous said...

Oh my!
BGW...I am talking about beaver.
Thinking about June Cleaver...not about Justin Bieber.

-angry dragon

Anonymous said...

Evidently ever nerd has a thorn.
Way to go on offending people.
Go eat a mayo sandwich and stay out of NYC.

Anonymous said...

ALL that talk a bout dick slapping pJ makes me wnt 2b in arkansas

Paul said...

Some years ago a Guardian columnist (maybe Barbara Ellen? I don't remember) wrote about enjoying PJ O'Rourke UNTIL she read a piece he'd written about a subject she knew something about, which in that case was Northern Ireland, Ellen, or whoever, having covered it as a reporter, and realizing that O'Rourke, despite being able to invent three original, hilarious, and brilliant figures of speech on every page, knows nothing of what he writes.

Cue Joe Queenan, and never look back.

Rol said...

My first reaction to that piece was "Oh brother, if that old war-horse thinks he can shock-value his way back to relevancy, he's got another thing coming."

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

Snob, I want to contact you about the printer cartridges but the link to your email seems to be playing up. I have a nice Peter Max paintograph I'm willing to trade. What other office supplies do you have? Anything that can be used in the forgery of paintographs is of interest to me.

I must say, I'm not familiar with this Pyjama O'Rama Rourke character... the guy that wrote the bike lane thing that outdid Vito's bike lane thing and robbed you of the pay check intended for milk and nappies... and bananas. So, I cranked up the ol' Google Spy Engine, did an image search and discovered that the more recent pictures of PJ actually looked really familiar to me, though I couldn't figure out why. "The Cancer Man" from the X-Files? No, the part in his hair is on the wrong side. Eventually I did work it out, Pyjama O'Rama bears a striking resemblance to my wife's grandmother. He really does. Anyway, that's about all I could think to add to what's already been said.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Snob, this week's THE NEW YORKER has an article on the WSJ head honcho and Rupert Murdoch's best friend, Robert Thomson. A quote from the article: "Thomson and Murdoch 'have a complete mind-meld'."

Peter Max said...

I'd slather paint ALL OVER that "Picasso"!

Anonymous said...

PJ O'Rourke: unfunny since inception with a stunted worldview.

His writing is composed of almost-fancy wordsmith footwork, laid on top of his appalling off key politics, and finished with a 'solid miss' conclusion. I think he writes for those right-wingers that have no humor in them (picture lobsters at a Gallagher concert). Both the author and his fans exist in a place that is just plain wrong, kind of like some libertarian Shart World.

He can't polish Snob's chamois.

Also, Angry Dragon rules.

Matt DeBlass said...

I'm really not getting the politicization of bicycle commuting. It seems a weird topic for neoconservatives to get up in arms about. I suppose there might be some backlash against the Eco-Sanctimonious crowd, and of course the fact that bikes are often transportation for poor people, but still, how threatening is a bicycle?
Bicycling is like the Normal Rockwell print of transportation.

Adrian said...

I don't even know what he means with this quasi-humurous rant against cyclists. He uses the kind of backwards logic commonly associated with Kim Jong-il and the retoric that would get a firstgrader bootet off his debate team.

Sad, sad. Thank god I live in a country where most are idiots, but still accept bicycles as a valid and useful means of transportations.

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Fixie Bikes said...

C'mon that article wasn't that bad, he tried his best with the stereotypes that were presented to him.