BSNYC Frida Fun Kahlo!

Riding bicycles in New York City, or indeed anyplace, is nothing new. In fact, people were doing it even before there were cars on the roads, way back when the Model T simply referred to Henry Ford's hairstyle. Only recently, though, has the city set about implementing a large-scale bicycle infrastructure, and we are now feeling those growing pains--the most recent pang being the current bicycle crackdown:

Like many New Yorkers, I would still ride my bike if there were no bike lanes. In fact, I'd still ride my bike if I was forced to use a p-far and the streets were surfaced with flesh-eating Jell-O. However, I also don't think riding a bike in New York should be unreasonably difficult. In fact, I think it should be as easy as possible, and while I think the crackdown is ridiculous I'm also more than happy to sacrifice some of that old-fashioned New York light-running, lane-splitting scrappiness so that a normal person can decide to buy a bicycle and ride it to work. After all, if I want to take physical risks and push the limits of my fitness and bike-handling abilities I can always race or ride my bike in the woods.

Not all New York cyclists feel this way, though, and some argue that all this municipal bike lane noob-coddling is doing more harm than good. A member of the Twitteroni recently steered me to the following interview with a local shop owner that encapsulates this view:


Do you think the bike lanes are making cycling too accessible? Should some people who don’t have the chops just not ride?

Yes.

This is an elitist standpoint.

Yeah, but I do feel that way. The problem now is that everyone is learning how to ride in the city at once. I think the turn of the century is the one time that’s closest to now in terms of the number of bikes in the streets and in the way the public perceives them as a nuisance. Things were getting so bad back then that Sears & Roebuck made a gun and a gun-mount to go on your bicycle.

I respect Jeff Underwood as I do any hardworking bike shop owner, and I see his point, but also don't think it's possible for cycling to become too accessible, and I find this an odd position for a bicycle shop owner to take--especially when the shop is a relatively new one and owes its existence to the very bike boom its owner is decrying. I especially think all the people out there who think they have "chops" are the reason non-cyclists in New York find cyclists so annoying. If cycling in New York City is not allowed to become accessible then it will remain the death metal of transportation--a stylized and redundant novelty with a limited appeal and a veneer of danger that seems exciting when you're in your teens and that you're over before you're 40. Plus, this style of riding is not exactly for everybody:

What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever carried on a bicycle?

Like the thing that would have gotten me in the most trouble? I don’t know because I used to be a bike messenger for a Mafioso guy. The guys I would work for would wait for days to pick up from me, so I’d have all this money. Then when they would come they would give me a week’s worth to distribute to all the guys, so I would take a backpack full of $50,000 to $70,000 worth of weed to public housing in The Bronx. But then again I’m thinking whether I would have been in more trouble for carrying 50 bundles of heroin or a 9mm. Which would have carried the most jail time?

Talk about putting all your Wednesday eggs in one basket. Admittedly, I'm not really up on wholesale marijuana prices, but I would imagine that $50,000-$70,000 worth would be a bit more than you could fit in a backpack and would probably require at least a Big Dummy to "portage."

After reading this interview I wanted to know more about Jeff Underwood, and I found another one on Gothamist from 2009:

This one featured more of his cycling background, which despite his apparent disdain for the bike boom is essentially concurrent with it:

How did you get into bikes?

I moved to New York in 2000, started walking, taking the subways, and I thought it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. I was getting blisters on my feet. So I got a bike, which was silly because I got a 1969 Sting-Ray Schwinn. About six months later I got a road bike, which I converted to a fixed gear. I quit my job—I was working in social work—and started doing messenger work. I thought it was the New York experience, somehow.

Though back then, he liked that accessibility:

What do you think of the bicycle resurgence in this city?

I think it's awesome. I don't care why they're doing it, I'm just glad that they're riding. Of course I'm going to say that, because I'm making money from it, but I also think it's really awesome to see people riding bikes, and really getting into it, and knowing about bikes and knowing what chain stays are and seat stays and seat tubes and angles and just different things. I think it's really cool that people are into it.

I agree. I also agreed with many of the things he said in this interview, though not his post-hipster views on brakes:

When I'm on a road bike I'm going twice as fast, I'm doing dangerous things, there's a false security of brakes. Most people who are going 20 miles an hour and hit their brakes are going to wreck. On a track bike or a fixed gear, if you're going 20 miles an hour you're hauling ass, and you're looking ahead, you're looking behind, you're looking everywhere, and immediately when you see something happen, your brain triggers your legs and you start to slow down and you start to look for the out. On a road bike you think you can stop but you can't.

There must be something really wrong with my road bike--it stops with precision, even at 20mph.

In any case, I'll say again that I respect Jeff Underwood, and I only mention his interview in the spirit of healthy debate and because it is indicative of the current state of cycling in New York City. Continuum is one of the many new shops that have opened in New York along with the bike lanes, and I hope to see the entire package--the public infrastructure and the private businesses--continue to flourish. That might involve sacrificing some of our coveted street-credulous rogue outlaw status, but personally I'm all right with that.

Speaking of cycling and legitimacy, I recently received one of those Critical Mass emails:

Bike People!

Tonight is Manhattan Critical Mass, 7pm Union Square North. It may be my last for the forseeable future, as the repressive climate in NYC is simply too much for my sensitive soul right now.

I'm not sure if this means it will be the last Critical Mass, but if so this seems like a perfect time to retire it, since it finally seems to have fulfilled its goal of turning public opinion and police action against cycling in New York City once and for all. Maybe once it's gone we can get back to that daily critical mass known as "commuting."

Having bloviated long enough, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then that's fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll hear a spirited wheel testimonial.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and for safety's sake don't use your brakes at 20mph or you'll crash (duh).

--BSNYC/RTMS

(Wow, another theme ride--must be a day ending in "Y" in Portland.)

1) The latest Portland theme ride is based on which TV show?

--"Portlandia"

--"Laverne & Shirley"

--"Three's Company"
--This is a trick question. The smug people of Portland do not own TVs and get all their news and entertainment from NPR.

(Wow, another theme ride--must be a day ending in "Y" in Portland)

2) What's the next big Portland theme ride?

--The "Worst Day of the Year Ride"
--The "Worst Bike in the World Ride"

--The "Biggest Hipster on Earth Ride"

--The "I Don't Own a TV Ride"

(forwarded by Bicyclepaper)

3) The above is an example of a:

--Carcake

--Van melon

--Ford fjord

--Idiotgloo

4) Via a reader, the above photo appeared in an article published:

--In 1988

--In 1998

--On Greg LeMond's Facebook page

--Yesterday

5) Fred Schneider of the B-52s is starring in bicycle-themed PSAs now.

--True

--False

--Difficult to tell

--"Love Shack BABY!!!!"

6) This garment forwarded by a reader, is marketed as:

--"Trackstand Lingerie"

--"Hipster Hose"
--"Alleycat Race Leggings"
--"Love Shack BABY!!!"

7) Artisanal fire pits are the new artisanal axe.

--True

--False

***Special "I Have 57 Things And A Clue Ain't One"-Themed Bonus Question***

(Hipster philosophers with matching haircuts: Diesel and American Apparel is the new sackcloth and ashes)

Um, so, uh, minimalism? Like, yah? Really? Yah?

--Yah, totally.
--Shurrr.
--It's like, we're making statements? But like, we say them like they're questions?
--Like, all of the above maybe?