Friday, September 17, 2010

BSNYC Friday Anarcho-Syndicalist Commune!

(Going off half-cocked, spotted by a reader)

As you may have heard, a tornado or tornado-like weather event hit Brooklyn and Queens yesterday evening. I'm very fortunate to be able to report that my home and its contents have emerged from the storm intact. However, they have been relocated to Cleveland by the twister, so I look forward to greeting you as BikeSnobCLE come Monday.

Like the best climbers in cycling, tornados are skinny, spin fast, and strike quickly, and since I was not in the direct path of this so-called "elephant trunk skid of God" I had no idea it was happening and simply dismissed it as a simple thunderstorm. Once the storm passed, I then emerged from my hidey-hole to jiggle my legs a bit in Prospect Park, where I encountered this:

At which point I kicked myself for not "palping" my Metrofiets wood-chipper bike. (In Portland, wood-chipper bikes are the new cargo bikes, which were the new "fixies," which were the new Rollerblades.) Still, despite the damage I didn't realize that we had actually been ravaged by an alleged tornado until I returned to my hidey-hole. In fact, as of this morning the National Weather Forecast still would not say that it was a tornado, citing the need for additional evidence despite the nature of the damage and the existence of amateur video. Interestingly, this is pretty much the same way that New York City responds to vehicular hit-and-run.

Of course, any discussion of tornados and bicycles invites gratuitous "Wizard of Oz" references, and it just so happens that earlier this week I received the following photograph taken by a reader in Central Park:

Apparently the reader noticed something fuzzy in the vicinity of the top tube, and so he zoomed in for a closer look:

It's Toto's nonplussed modern-day time-trialling equivalent.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see a real "epic."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and on behalf of myself and the nonplussed TT chihuahua I wish you a pleasant and storm-free weekend.

--BSNYC/RTMS








1) Second-placed rider at the Vuelta a EspaƱa, Ezequiel Mosquera, has been benefitting from which performance-enhancing tool?
--EPO


2) Which is not an explanation for the "wing" pictured above?

--"each 'wing' makes a cyclist 200% more visible on the road. higher visibility of cyclist enhances their safety. the perceived number of cyclists in seoul can be tripled overnight by the 'wing'. there is safety in numbers!"

--"the air cleaning function of 'wing' turns cycling into an air-cleaning act. it helps to earn cyclists the respect from drivers. due to their contribution to a cleaner environment, cyclists earn the right to use the road, even though they may not be paying road tax or other related charges."

--"the 'wing' is intended to be a part of seoul’s city-wide effort to improve its design brand and image. it will contribute to establishing a healthier cycling culture through enhanced cyclist safety and social status."

--"a small gust of wind is sufficient to lift the cyclist into the sky so he or she can rain death upon the fleeing populace like a raging Mothra of smugness"





3) Fill in the blank: "Sure Signs Of ________"

--Practicality
--Progress
--Smugness
--A budding romance




4) This messenger bag is:





5) Cars are "minimalist."





(Really "feeling" the New Douchery.)

6) Sharpen your designer axes! Artisanal urban moonshine is the new PBR.




7) Nobody botches a bicycle remount quite like a:





***Special Techno-Cockie-Themed Bonus Question***



What is this?

76 comments:

samh said...

In old media, "for the win" was used on television game shows such as Hollywood Squares. In the show, a user would be one square away from winning the game. The user would then select that square, saying "I'll take center square for the win."

Anonymous said...

Po D um

Anonymous said...

Again

A. Contador said...

NOOO samh

shoegazer said...

less is more better

ringcycles said...

still can't get on the podium this week. Oh well.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Tpo ten on a tardy post. Samh is clearly using PEDs.

Anonymous said...

shuffles in the top ten from NV

Jen said...

SAMH FTW!

Anonymous said...

Booooo !

samh said...

The portaging of an artisinal ax[e] whilst en route through Prospect Park could have proved useful in the elimination of route-distracting fallen trees.

Tom Tornado said...

Ten-ish flem-ish

Anonymous said...

Cargo bike with front coffin option: great for blocking entire crosswalks when shoaling.

Anonymous said...

slowly getting back in shpae

Anonymous said...

Snobby,

There’s no blogger who is more of an asshole than you are! You motivate me to write my best comments.

ringcycles said...

BSNYC: the answer to #7 was a shameless exploitation of a stereotype,

and fundamentally hilarious. I especially like the one Mavic shoe left behind. That had to be a painful set of single leg drills for the poor tri-geek.

To get back to Gotham, just follow the yellow brick road, and watch out for flying monkeys, Vito won't be able to save you.

Anonymous said...

I was going to bid on the '...fixie messenger bag' but I don't own a fixie.
I'll continue searching for non-fixie messenger bags on Ebay for my geared commuter vessel.

hillbilly said...

That tri remount video was the funniest thing I've ever seen

Anonymous said...

Word. Yellow shoes would rather ride the entire race BAREFOOT, dragging her shoes down the street.

Rather than take the 5 seconds to just put her fucking shoes on.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

CommieCanuck said...

samh.. master sensei of the typing macro.

CommieCanuck said...

Rather than take the 5 seconds to just put her fucking shoes on.

Try athletes are delusional, that five seconds could drag her from 212th to 214th.

CommieCanuck said...

There’s no blogger who is more of an asshole than you are! You motivate me to write my best comments.

You stand corrected, Glen Beck has a blog.

Anonymous said...

So it took a tornado to get you to drop by to visit us in Ohio?

PawnShop said...

Meh.

Anonymous said...

would have commented earlier, but i've been busying using my best made axe + axe sling to cut the downed trees of brooklyn. not so smug nemore r u mister bikesnob.
--- Hipsterjack

Anonymous said...

Desmond Howard SI cover FTW!

wishiwasmerckx said...

This salmoning and shoaling has gotten out of control. Now people are doing it in the transiton area in triathalons.

Anonymous said...

Is the 'cars are minimalist' link broken for anyone else? Some kind of crazy blogspot url.

CommieCanuck said...

That half-cockpit biek belongs to Rick Allen.

Let me Google that for you.

sarah said...

i think you might have hurt the minimalist's feelings so badly that he or she deleted the blog entirely! one fewer online possession, i guess.

Anonymous said...

Is that the sound of mist falling or the cries of a minimalist?

samh said...

Use of LMGTFY FTW, CommieCanuck.

TJ Eckleburg said...

re: the triathlete's "remounting"

i haven't seen that many fallen limbs since... yesterday in Queens actually.

Anonymous said...

Wow, the curators of that Korean design contest must have a problem with retardation

Anonymous said...

I didn't take the picture, but I am very excited (half cocked, really) to see my Oakland neighborhood represent in the half-cock picture.

mander said...

YES! today is the first time I got every question right, including the bonus!!!
Thanks snob for that priceless triathlete remount footage, and enjoy your weekend.

grog said...

Toto too.

streepo said...

Worst quiz score ever.
Crap.

Anonymous said...

re: mander

People actually take this quiz? You people must not have gone to much school.

You are supposed to cheat on quizzes as much as possible. No matter how trivial (sic).

I am the numb engine said...

"half my face went numb, then I tasted cocoa"

I lost it, now there is something to put in the atlantic.

When will they tell us how to cook meth in our sinks?

Hipsters are the new stupid, or would that be the new stupid 2.0?

Ax man said...

That will teach you, tornadoes hurricanes, and maybe just strong winds.

If you had my bedazzled ax, you could have enough shitty firewood to be bbq master of Williamsburg.

bikesgonewild said...

...uhhh, samh ???..."The portaging of an artisinal ax[e] whilst en route through Prospect Park could have proved useful in...blah, blah, blah..."...

...pretentious clowns buy overpriced axes (w/ fancy box) & overpriced sheaths BUT the critical missing component is an instructional video...

...i can picture several hipsterjacks with perplexed bewildered looks on their faces, axes in hand...

..."i keep hitting & hitting that tree but hardly anything's happening !!!"...
..."are you using the sharp part ???"...
..."duh...e-yes for god's sake...i'm not dumb...my parents DID send me to a good liberal arts college but i must have been hung over the day they taught us about these things"...
..."wow...i see what you mean...this could take like forever"...
..."oh, shit...we just started & i think i'm already getting a blister...would you call someone please"...
..."hello, parks department...could you send someone over here...there's a tree in our way & could they bring some bandages ???...m'kay & tell them not to bring any stupid axes 'cuz they don't work...this tree is hard"...
..."hey bro...i got some pbr's in my messenger bag...let's get a buzz n' figure out how to get our money back on these things"...
..."yeah, cool...stupid things don't work anyway !!!"
...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the Voivod link today!! I had all but forgotten them. What's next- Toxic Waltz by Exodus??

PawnShop said...

numby:
I believe that 'hipsters are Stupid 2.0' would be correct. The 'new Stupid 2.0' would be either Stupid 2.1 ( a stabler and less buggy Stupid 2.0 ), or Stupid 3.0 ( stupider than Stupid 2.0, and even more prone to crashing if the hardware isn't upgraded ).

Changed my mind: hipsters are Stupid 3.0.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit that tri-dork video is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time! Thank you thank you thank you!!

UPSE T ! ! ! said...

What's with the broken link for question #5? I'm upset!

Vanonymous said...

That tri video needs some Benny Hill music.

John Travolta said...

hi bike snob,
i dont mean to complain, but the answer to question 3 is "a budding romance".
you should correct so as to not mislead your readers...

Anonymous said...

Samh cheated...I saw him him press a button underneath the hood of his break lever just before the final climb where he took the lead...

leroy said...

I clipped in and out three times last night while repeating "There's no place like home," but nothing happened.

Does anyone know if your cleats have to be ruby colored or if a red magic marker patina would be okay?

Ride safe all (and Toto too)!

Salty and Sore said...

Voivod?

Damn! the one link I must've missed clicking on!

retaking...

ken e. said...

holy mackeral sam! can global domination be far behind?

Anonymous said...

Triathletes - should skip the bike.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sx-6tg8WfFk

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, on this, the eve of Yom Kippor, may you and yours be inscribed for a healthy and prosperous year.

samh said...

I'm quite surprised no one found the BikeSnobCLE easter egg.

frilly said...

Poor yellow shoe.

And somebody needs to instruct that lady in the p-far clip about the proper way to wear a helmet or not only is she going to look stupid--that's a long way to fall!

wle said...

"7) Nobody botches a bicycle remount quite like a:

--Cyclocross racer
--Hipster
--Triathlete
--Roadie
--Lady Triathlete
"

DOH!
wle

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the tri-geek video + the tri-dog pic! FTW!

How to be an alpha male said...

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Anonymous said...

+1 for having Oakland unwittingly featured in the auspicious BikesnobNYC blog. By the way, the "half cocked" photo is taken in front of Remedy, a coffee shop that exudes smugness ($3 medium roasted coffee, because the rest of us have been duped into "burnt coffee" all these years).

I Deraille said...

Is it swim, bike, run. ?

Jethro said...

Yeah we just got road bikes and we love riding them around Park City, its so pretty up there!

David Henderson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
innerlighter said...

May I suggest leaving the training wheels on the tri bikes for a few races?

meh

red neckerson said...

new yarkers tri to tell us that we is stoopid

i aint seeing lots of rednecks in that tri mount video but i does see lots of folks that is dummer than shit

one thing rikim and me know how to do is mount

aint that rite jolene

Anonymous said...

The tri mount video reminded me of this article, which was linked a while back -- there are people in the tri community who understand and call out that kind of hilarious ineptitude.

http://www.multisports.com/news/1239667253.shtml

Anonymous said...

Well, I AM king...

Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers -- by hangin on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society!
If there's ever going to be any progress--




Can't we all get along?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ant1 said...

congrats samh. you've been on fire as of late.

Anonymous said...

thanks for the shout out in the title! all power to the working class! Build the general strike anarcho-syndicalism (and bikes) forever!

Anonymous said...

This another to consider you Anarcho Sydicalist Commune. Amish Scooter Bikes. http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/amish-made-scooters

These bad boys fly down the roads of Central. Pa

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