Friday, August 13, 2010

BSNYC Friday Business Networking Seminar!


Firstly, I'm pleased to announce that last night's BRA at the Rapha Cycle Club was a success, inasmuch as nobody assaulted me or, at least to my knowledge, sabotaged the espresso machine. I failed to take any photographs of the evening since I was too preoccupied with administering my hastily-prepared PowerPoint presentation, but here's a picture from the Rapha Cycle Club's Twitter which captures me in mid-"douche-clamation point:"

Alas, words and even photographs are insufficient to convey the intoxicating sensation of standing amid all those overpriced jerseys and making a complete douche of oneself. Thanks to the Rapha Cycle Club for having me, and thanks to all who came for indulging me.


Some people have role models in life, but I find it much more inspiring and motivating to focus on people who deeply annoy me, for it is only by confronting and exploring that which we dislike that we can truly learn who we really are. For this reason, I was glad to learn that, beyond writing irritating music reviews, my favorite anti-role model Frere-Jones works in other media as well. I was also not surprised to learn that Frere-Jones's photography is of the "Ooh, isn't that blighted building or rust stain interesting?" variety, nor was I disappointed (by which I mean I was tremendously disappointed). By the way, apparently Frere-Jones doesn't take photographs so much as he frames things that he sees:

I'm not sure what the difference is, but then again I didn't go to Bard College and tend to betray my lack of education by simply calling things what they are. For example, I've foolishly been telling people I "wrote a book," when I should really be telling them I don't so much write books as I "put covers around words.")

I wonder how many of Frere-Jones's Twitter followers are also interested in him for the sole reason that they are bothered by his work:

As far as the claim that his "tweets" rise to the level of poetry, I'll defer to the Bard graduates out there on that one:

"We Need More Rap Box Sets" is sure to become the "Leaves of Grass" of the 21st century.

Having sufficiently annoyed myself, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right, you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a commercial.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and remember: it's not so much a weekend as it is a couple of days framed by a pair of work weeks.


--BSNYC/RTMS





1) How many purple tank tops does "minimalist" Everett Bogue own?

--One
--Two





2) The man pictured above purchased this bicycle at a yard sale for $5. To which professional racer did the bike formerly belong?



3) What is Mario Cipollini thinking about?


(video via Stevil/AHTBM)




4) Vino is:


(image via Lucho/Cyclinginquisition)




(Rodney "The No Hand King" Hines, the Lone Wolf of the East Coast, poses with his fleet of bicycles)

5) How does Rodney "The No Hand King" Hines train for his famously "epic" 100-mile no-handed wheelies?


--By riding a bicycle with no front wheel
--By riding a unicycle
--Hill repeats
--Pilates






6) Champagne is the new PBR.

--True
--False




(Your next what?)

7) Subdermal derailleurs are the new knuckle tattoo.



***Special Bicycle Messenger-Themed Bonus Question***



Bicycle messenger Malcolm Woodcock has 28 days to become a:

96 comments:

Anonymous said...

bing!

Anonymous said...

bing 2!

Anonymous said...

bing 3!

Anonymous said...

Top ten?

Anonymous said...

rats

Anonymous said...

fuck that shit!

Philip Williamson said...

ha!

ringcycles said...

top 10, meh.

Jefe said...

Top something

frilly said...

I *heart* Vino!

Can't help myself.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the blog. Very funny!

hillbilly said...

have a good weekend everyone

Anonymous said...

Is the Minimalist named Everret Bogue-
as in Bogus?
There must be irony there...

Cool The Kid said...

If I were a villain, that Champagne Bike Ride song would be the weapon that slayed me

tgs said...

It does give you a booz.

Anonymous said...

NO HANDS KING!

I see that guy all the time. He's crazy, but I'm not going to tell him that.

I do wonder if I could even be that buff if I quit my job and worked out all day...

SFJ said...

Sorry I have your dream job. Keep writing about bicycles.

shoegazer said...

less is more better

hillbilly said...

Alright, was annoyed with SFJ, now moved on to CBS.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=425696783983

Anonymous said...

aint no trick about riding a wheelie. It's just can you stay in one place.

shoegazer said...

i've ridden with the wheelie king on our greenway & he's more dedicated than he is crazy. but crazy still.
I think I'll give him some of my Rapha kit for the challenge.

Anonymous said...

fox ghee hunter

Billy Reid said...

it looked kind of like you were doing some jazz hands in that photo

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

bullsh-t! i wuz robbed. f-ckin typical. there is no way cipollini is NOT thinking about lady parts at the same time he is thinking about something else. are you insinuating you are in il re leone's head and know his thoughts?

Mario Cipollini, on why he had an airbrushed picture of Pamela Anderson on his bike rather than his wife:
"I know what my wife looks like."

Mario Cipollini, on what profession he may have chosen, had he not been a professional cyclist:
"Porn star."

(real quotations)

El_Guadzilla said...

Mein gott. What a collection of geeks, hipster-wannabes and recumbent riders in the crowd at your talk, Snobby.

Anonymous said...

um... that pretty much captures 99% of all (of us) cyclists

Anonymous said...

I want to be known as the "Opulent Marxist." Don't say you're a minimalist, just be a minimalist. The reason I like your style, Snob, is because you don't make it about yourself. Most blogs are just mental masturbation. To paraphrase Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver): "I don't believe someone should devote themself to morbid self-attention. They should become a person, like other people."
Viva recumbents! a.k.a. the answer to the question that was never asked.

travis bickle said...

take it all and flush it down the fuckin' toilet, especially the champagne video.

wishiwasmerckx said...

The tao of Snob:

"I...tend to betray my lack of education by simply calling things what they are."

Ancient Chinese proverb:

"The first step on the path to wisdom is to call things by their true name."

Cognorant said...

That Fiat add is such a cliche joke but man, I laughed out loud.

I'd love to see the same thing only with the tall bike douche who puts his foot on the roofs of cars.

Peter Boyle aka Wizard said...

BSNYC: the Travis Bickle of Bike culture...

gene99 said...

Sometimes I don’t think I really make comments on this blog so much as I tap keys that are under my fingers. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I think I have some kind of residue that has been burned or abraded on my fingers, or some of the keys on my keyboard are scratched, or the sun is shining on my keyboard and reflecting in my eyes. Most of what I write looks something like useless drivel a lot of the time (see work product).

bikesgonewild said...

...like, where are the chicks, man ???...

...i see a sea of disproportion, a minimalist chick thing, man & that's like not healthy...

...just framing my outrage w/ bad grammar...

ringcycles said...

"for it is only by confronting and exploring that which we dislike that we can truly learn who we really are."

I kvetch therefore I am? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Anonymous said...

is not having a utility the same as being utterly useless?

bikesgonewild said...

..."BSNYC: the Travis Bickle of Bike culture"...hmmm, rather...

...bsnyc/rtms: the 'butter brickle' of bike culture...

...tasty toffee like bits of acerbic wit 'framed' by a smooth creamy, easy to digest formula...

dwight moody said...

I went to Bard and I don't see the difference between taking a picture and putting a frame around something you see. But I wasn't in Music Program Zero, so I often didn't understand the most esoteric of things.

ervgopwr said...

That bastard with his 57 list of purple shirts is named Everett, crap.

I'm trying to keep us out of the douche name assocation group. Mostly by never winning a race and doing it well.

FRDY TRTN

WHLY KING

RPHA SHOW

Oh yeah, and Cippo, can never not think about lady parts: on his lion's mane.

bikesgonewild said...

...cognorant...

...fully agree on the fiat ad...funny as hell, especially from the perspective of a cyclist who used to do that in years past...

...note to indulge-rs...use the roof, 3/4 of the way back...they suspect you might be doing it but the angles are such that they're never quite sure...

Turd Ferguson said...

Comparing the "We Need More Rap Box Sets" to Leaves of Grass? Surely you meant to compare SFJ to douchespeare.

stream of nothing said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

http://chrisblattman.com/2010/08/13/transport-ingenuity

mikeweb said...

Snob, enjoyed your Epic BRA last night. In the photo that's me in the back btw, directly below the only 'epic' photograph on the non-exposed brick part of the wall, enjoying a non-epic iced tea.

I was expecting the gag at the end of the Fiat ad to be more in the 'road rage hood ornament' vein, but that was much funnier.

hillbilly, yeah, that thing on CBS doesn't seem like it'll be too biased; ya think?

stream of nothing said...

i am on very good terms with the first 3 seconds of that fiat advert :(

Anonymous said...

Tattoo typos, yeesh, and right on his knuckles where he can't cover them easily. Let's hope none of his friends can spell either.

When you're trying to correct this, please consider:
Ya'LL NEXT
Yr'RE NEXT
U'RE NEXT

Anonymous said...

I also hate Sasha Frere-Jones.

Also, "douche" and variations of "douche" are getting old. Let's come up with some fresher disparaging terms, ok?

Signed-
A. Weenus

Anonymous said...

@4:23 -- I was thinking the same thing. I count 14 occurrences of the word douche this week alone. Our vaginas are sufficiently clean, thank you.

Bike Lemming said...

"Champagne Bike Ride"? The kids are pretty fucking far from alright...

frilly said...

bgw--that's my kind of party!

Ahhh, I love cycling's men to women ratio.

Sigurd said...

Cipollini and Rocco Sifredi share a certain likeness, 'tis true. I was relieved to see steely-eyed Italians carefully machining crabon components, rather than skinny, pale Chinese with coal lung. Yay Mario! Champagne Bike Ride - "CBR is the new PBR"? - had me in titters. Completely taking the piss out of themselves and their peers. And the ladies were really hot. Maybe - no, certainly - my brains were addled by their presence. And so I name that video excellent. With all the retro crap they were wearing, it reminded me of MTV way back in the day (!) when it was worth watching.

Anonymous said...

Wow Snob, douche-tastic selection of videos!

Anonymous said...

I cover framing the zeitgeist.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:35
Sounds like you may have a little sand in yours.

Anonymous said...

I frame the covered douche-geist

Anonymous said...

I curate the framed doucheray.

Anonymous said...

I hear ya. Photographers are to artists what bloggers are to writers.

✯FiTCETERA✯ said...

It looks like a sausagefest. Not that there's anything wrong with that but where all the womenfolk?

✯FiTCETERA✯ said...

It looks like a sausagefest. Not that there's anything wrong with that but where all the womenfolk?

Anonymous said...

That Cipo advertisement is slicker than the slicks on my dual suspension MTB.

If I were only allowed one possession, I might consider an artisanal ax(e). But, I want a pure artisanal ax(e) that has a handle made from the timber of a tree felled with an artisanal ax(e). The day that happens will be as groundbreaking as:
the day was douchy when the first douche called someone else a douche;
the day will be smug when solar panels are used to make solar panels, used to make a Big Dummy; the day will be scary when robots make robots, in the likeness of Mario Cipollini.

Sadly, I suspect that a full artisanal cycle will never actually occur because nobody who would buy an artisanal ax(e) would ever come across a tree that wasn't a street tree or a bonsai. Hmmm, miniature artisanal ax(e)/bottle opener? I might be on to something.

By the way, if the secret powers that be start using their puppet, the United Nations, to outlaw use of the word 'douche' to help stifle emerging awareness of the conspiracy, I might suggest that variations of 'toss', 'tosser' and maybe even 'tosspot' be considered as alternatives. ce

bikesgonewild said...

..."✯FiTCETERA✯ said...
It looks like a sausagefest. Not that there's anything wrong with that but where all the womenfolk?"
...

...at home, washin', cookin', cleanin', ironin'...you know, the kinda stuff 'the womenfolk' oughta be doin'...

...ya let 'em ride bicycles & next thing ya know they'll wanna be emancipated & lord knows where that'll lead...

...barefoot n' pregnant...that's where they oughta be, dammit...

Anonymous said...

I was just having a look at the Speedhub Finder page on the Rohloff site and noticed that on the little timeline down the bottom of the page the animation jumps straight from the German Draisine to the Safety Bicycle without any depiction of the French boneshakers. I don't want to label Rohloff 'p-far deniers' or anything but I wonder if despite their precision-engineered-fourteen-ratios-evenly-spaced-over-a-519%-range-packed-inside-a-sealed-hub bla, bla, bla... they might still feel a little threatened by the uncompromised efficiency of direct drive.
http://www.rohloff.de/en/products/speedhub/speedhub_search/index.html

I hope nobody (who matters) minds me writing another lengthy comment here. I don't normally have a reason or inspiration to write much, but really enjoy this niche. I'm finding I am learning a lot in the process. It's a bit like Toastmasters is for public speakers, but in my case I'd dub it Tossmasters. ce

Madtown69 said...

I too find Sasha Frere-Jones to be truly annoying. Hard to pin down why. Maybe it's the far-too-serious but incomprehensively written analyses of talentless rap artists. There, I said it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Snob,
Your blog is usually one of my favourite reads of the day, and indeed has been for the past couple of years, but add me to the ranks calling for a douche moratorium. Enough already! Please!
Sincerely,
A loyal reader

Anonymous said...

As always, great blog. On Sasha-Frere Jones, his brother Tobias, is a type designer in NYC who's done a number of typefaces based on existing "vernacular" (design-speak for "someone-else's") lettering, so it's probably natural for Sasha to make boring pictures of buildings and lettering.

J D Plourde said...

I think you could spend less time lambasting the doucheratti, and more time lambasting the true douches:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/14/business/14auto.html?src=me&ref=general

Is this a 'good' thing?

gnal\ said...

LARS BOOM

gnal\ said...

LARS BOOM

Anonymous said...

姊夫在內地包二奶,我們建議大姊趕緊大陸抓姦
但是大姊一直顧慮而遲遲不願意大陸抓姦...
原本姊夫一個月都會回台灣一次,現在卻已經好幾個月沒有回家了;
面對這情形,大姊終於下定決心委託徵信社大陸抓姦
半個月後徵信社成功的大陸抓姦,姊夫也因為心虛理虧而與二奶分手了;
經過大陸抓姦的事件之後,大姊夫妻的關係總算是穩定下來了!

Anonymous said...

現在很多徵信公司標榜女子偵探女子偵探真的有比較好嗎?
其實女性本身具有體貼、細心的特質,
能夠觀察得更細微,女子偵探不僅能夠讓委託人更加信賴,
經過專業訓練的女子偵探破案能力更是一流!
也難怪,現在許多委託人都指定想要女子偵探服務!

Anonymous said...

外遇---偷來的時間、偷來的伴侶、偷來的愛情
或許新鮮刺激,或許瘋狂美好,但這一切,終究是偷來的…
外遇傷害了一個幸福的家庭
或許你會說:問題其實早已存在,外遇並不是傷害的唯一因素
但是內心深處其實你知道,這只是外遇的藉口!
建築在傷害別人之下所得到的愛情,終究難以幸福…

Anonymous said...

外遇蒐證需要技巧,錯誤的外遇蒐證可能會打草驚蛇,
不合法的外遇蒐證行為更可能讓您吃上官司!
外遇蒐證問題您需要專家的協助,
專家為您合法又確實外遇蒐證

Anonymous said...

老公總是說他在加班,但是薪水卻沒有相對的增加,反而支出變得更多,
於是我開始展開外遇調查行動;
我趁著老公睡覺的時候,先對手機進行外遇調查看是否有不尋常的通話,
沒想到手機竟然設定密碼!
於是我外遇調查的行動只好轉向發票明細,
果真,飲料與食物常常都是買兩人份的,我還看到了溫泉旅店的發票!
種種外遇調查的結果,讓我知道老公果然偷吃;
雖然外遇調查讓我知道老公外遇,但是我明白如果戳破反而可能弄巧成拙,
於是我請好友夫妻製造在旅店巧遇的假象,讓老公心虛的自己結束外遇!

Anonymous said...

許多人的婚姻因為伴侶的外遇而殘缺不全,
於是許多人只能夠藉由抓姦來保障自己,
專業徵信人員針對不忠伴侶進行外遇蒐證,
並依照您的需求進行抓姦行動;
確定適當時機時,會與您一同報案,
尋求警方共同抓姦,我們合法對外遇對象進行抓姦
外遇抓姦問題,讓我們給您最專業服務!

Anonymous said...

婚外情究竟是一時的慾望,或婚外情者是一種相見恨晚的愛情?
許多有婚外情的人總是為自己的錯誤的行為尋找合理藉口,
然而真正負責的愛情是不應該建築在別人的痛苦之上!
不能否認的是,許多有婚外情的人總是認為因為自己的婚姻原本就已經存在問題,
然而不可否認的是,大部分的人提出離婚,都是在有了婚外情之後...!

Anonymous said...

婚前徵信是降低離婚率的最好方法!
人難免都想要在情人面前表現出最好的一面,
因此許多婚前以為是天造地設的一對,
婚後才發現對方的真面目而離婚;
這就是因為沒有做婚前徵信的緣故!
婚前徵信可以幫助您更了解對方,
婚前徵信可以告訴您對方隱藏的缺點,
婚前徵信更可以讓您知道所有您想知道的事情;
想要結婚嗎?讓婚前徵信為您的婚姻做把關!

Anonymous said...

面對伴侶通姦,能維護權益的只有您自己!
您可以選擇對通姦伴侶與第三者一起提告,
或者選擇只告通姦其中一人,
然而如果你什麼都不做,
那麼您的權益只會被漠視!
面對伴侶通姦,您不該姑息,
勇敢站出來,給通姦的人應得懲罰!

Anonymous said...

感情挽回需要技巧,大吵大鬧只會把他往第三者推去!
感情挽回需要針對伴侶個性、夫妻問題解決、擊退第三者等方向一一解決,
感情挽回的問題讓專家提供專業協助;
豐富感情挽回經驗、體貼細心諮詢服務,
為您找到正確方法、成功感情挽回

Anonymous said...

徵信的專業責任是協助委託人解決困難,社會上很多不平之事,
例如丈夫外遇甚至逼迫太太離婚,此時就可以尋求徵信的協助;
徵信不僅能夠協助您抓姦蒐證外遇證據,
徵信更可以協助您解決後續談判或者是訴訟的問題。
當您面臨各種問題時,歡迎您與我們徵信公司聯絡!

Anonymous said...

優質徵信協會為您介紹合法徵信社!
徵信協會不僅可以提供委託前的各種諮詢服務、介紹優質業者,
徵信協會更可以在您面臨糾紛時協助您調解!
想要找徵信社卻擔心被當肥羊坑嗎?
徵信協會為您介紹誠信業者!
當您面臨各種委託、糾紛等徵信問題時,
徵信協會給您最公正的協助!

Anonymous said...

網路上徵信社如此之多,又該怎樣知道是否合法?
網頁作的美觀的徵信社並不代表實際規模,
為有實際走一遭,親眼所見才是最真實的!
不要單憑網頁上的資料就輕易委託徵信社
那麼您極有可能落入不肖徵信社的陷阱!
想要選擇徵信社,還是選擇老字號徵信社,最有保障!

Anonymous said...

顫抖著手,我拿不穩那份薄薄的離婚協議書
早知道他的出軌,癡心的守候最後他終究還是想要離婚
朋友勸我抓姦,但是我擔心他一氣之下會決裂的提出離婚要求
我愛他,願意作出一切只為挽回
所以我等、我默不吭聲、我在他面前強顏歡笑
多少夜裡,他用敷衍的藉口不歸
而我假裝相信,卻淚濕了枕頭...
顫抖著手,我拿不穩那份薄薄的離婚協議書
啞著聲音,我告訴他我絕對不會離婚去成全他們
只是,我不知道不離婚,懲罰的是他們,還是我自己...

Anonymous said...

The bottle opener pic looks like it was shot by an ROV cam on the ocean floor.

- bif

Anonymous said...

Snob,

You have go to see the last picture in this set on Fixed Gear Gallery.

http://fixedgeargallery.com/2010/aug/1/vanHeerden/vanHeerden.htm

A new level of Douche-tastic!

David

Anonymous said...

first?

frilly said...

Oh, I'll be barefoot all right, when I take my Spiritas off to administer a beating, cleatside down, to whomever would suggest that I should be "b'np" and not riding a bike!

Course technically I still wouldn't be barefoot cuz I'd be wearing the Bad Kitties.

cwcushman said...

Now I know why I could never be an "artist," I am not pretentious enough.

Different cameras react differently... Wow! Just like t-max vs tri-x vs delta vs scala, all react differently. Photography is learning those differences.

dvestv said...

Perfect collection of photos.

DA Traveler said...

Top Attractions in New York:

Empire State Building
Statue of Liberty
Rockefeller Center
American Museum of Natural History
Central Park
Ellis Island Immigration Museum
Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum

For More Details: Paperless NYC Guide

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

kyle shay said...

the tattoo is of a dura ace LEFT-SIDE drive derailluer. LOL BIKE JOKES.

Kristina Royle said...

Too bad I missed that seminar! I'm currently searching for "inspiration" because I just entered the big and complex world of entrepreneurship. In fact, I recently joined a business networking site, and I stumbled upon Michael Geffrard's account. He's the President of The Liati Group, right? What a successful company. I'm gonna consider him as an inspiration.

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