Friday, July 16, 2010

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Like many cycling fans, I am still reeling after the Tour de France race jury's decision to expel Mark Renshaw from the race for allegedly (okay, obviously) headbutting Julian Dean and then blocking Tyler Farrar's sprint. As I mentioned in my Universal Sports blog, I find it ironic that the jury would penalize Renshaw so harshly, whereas Carlos Barredo's Stage 6 attack with a deadly crabon weapon (his front wheel) cost him only a small fine in an obscure (and, I suspect, fictional) currency. Here is footage of the sprint, narrated in a non-English languageway so as not to compromise your objectivity (unless of course you speak that languageway):



Note that Julian Dean like totally started the whole thing by leaning into Renshaw and then getting all "nudge nudge" with him:

I was already crying "Foul!" at this point from the cozy confines of my leatherette Tour-viewing beanbag, so when Renshaw protected his position via judicious application of his head I was totally supportive:

Renshaw then peeled off, giving Cavendish a clear shot at the line, as Farrar attempted to hold onto Cavendish's wheel:


Next, that woman with the helmet hat from that Wall Street Journal article blew by the entire peloton like they were a bunch of trackstanding "hipsters," a moment that will surely live forever in Tour de France history:

("I'm totally winning and stuff!")

At this point, Renshaw did drift into Farrar's line (which after the finish he claimed was unintentional, as he was supposedly attempting to sprint himself in order to soak up any remaining green jersey points, but which was a bit dicey), though to me at the time it actually seemed less egregious than Dean's initial blocking maneuver:

Then Petacchi veered wildly across the road, blocking both Farrar and Renshaw, which for some reason nobody is complaining about and which allowed him to finish in second place and claim the green jersey:


In the end, the "Man Missile" took the stage, and both Renshaw and the helmet-hat woman were disqualified:

While Renshaw's behavior is certainly not above reproach (particularly his blocking of Farrar), I do think his expulsion is ridiculous, especially considering both the wheel attack and the fact that Robbie McEwen only received a relegation after headbutting Stuart O'Grady back in 2005:

Then again, this is the same race organization that is X-raying bicycles now (which is the competitive cycling equivalent of making people take their shoes off at the airport) so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

If anything, I blame Garmin for all of this, whose rivalry-with-Columbia-that-they-refuse-to-acknowledge-in-interviews occasionally leads to "cockblocking." We saw this last year on Stage 14, when Garmin chased the breakaway and "cockblocked" Hincapie out of the yellow jersey. (Not that anybody necessarily owed Hincapie the jersey, but it was a "cockblock" nonetheless.) Similarly, yesterday's move by Dean was also a "cockblock," and while Renshaw responded in kind I always say "Let he who is without 'cockblocking' block the first cock." (I'm not sure what that means, but it allows me to meet today's unusually high cock-per-paragraph quota.)

Having thusly opined, I am now pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see "cycle chic."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and keep your head to yourself this weekend (unless someone requests it, of course).


--BSNYC/RTMS




(An early Tour de France prediction ritual in progress)

1) Lumar the Lobster, my Tour de France oracle, is 12 for 12 so far in stage win predictions (prologue included):

--False






"The only problem was that the three-man breakaway couldn’t get the skin off the custard. I mean really I don’t know what they were trying to do. Maybe they just wanted to go say hi to grandma or something, but they weren’t racing bikes. Honestly it was like they attacked, got in the break, and then said to themselves, “Oops, I don’t really want to be here!” They were going so slow we needed training wheels not to fall off our bikes! And needless to say, we caught them without even trying."

2) Who said the above?

--Jens Voigt



3) Which of the following is not referenced in the recent Wall Street Journal article about "cycle biker chic?"







4) The latest in Manhattan residential amenities is the bicycle valet.

--True
--False







6) The smug beverage container of choice is officially:

--The mason jar
--The aluminum water bottle
--The "vintage" military canteen
--The hollowed-out coconut




("Captain Fred, in the library, with the helmet mirror.")

7) Which of the following has somehow become a clue to others that you ride a bike?



101 comments:

Anonymous said...

merv!

Anonymous said...

z90 1st

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Tapper said...

all you haters lick Bob Roll's nipples

Anonymous said...

Top 3

Anonymous said...

drat! z90

waxmouth said...

Top Forty, baby!

I met her on a Monday and my heart stood still: Da Doo Ron Ron Ron, Da Doo Ron Ron

Somebody told me that her name was Bill: Da Doo Ron Ron Ron, Da Doo Ron Ron

Anonymous said...

Top Ten!

Test Tickle said...

hello wool.

balls.

Desert Rider said...

Top 20, and maillot jaune is retained...so there

Anonymous said...

TOP TEN!!!!

Anonymous said...

DAMNIT!

-#11

Ronsonic said...

Damn fast downhill sprint

Bad Lawyer said...

I hated the Merv Griffith show when it was on--bet I'd love it now. I didn't get the camp aspect of it as a "yute"

Bad Lawyer said...

In the early tour prediction ritual, is that the famous disembodied hand in the upper left corner?

Test Tickle said...

suspenders? while biking?

UBER DUMB

balls.

hillbilly said...

kind of agree it was harsh, but relegation is to a lead out man as a spanking would be to Lindsay Lohan. (um, meaningless is what I was going for there)

seattlesmug said...

Top 20, smell my smug.

frilly said...

Andy Schleck in leather? I'd spank it.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Lumar is doing a bit of cockblocking himself.

SUBCONSAILOR said...

Yeeeah! Under 30! :|

Keith Hearn said...

Ah yes, the artsy lumberjack type. Everyone knows that lumberjacks are all artists who only cut down trees to pay the rent.

Anonymous said...

Bombed the descent and the quiz.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Anonymous said...

I was hoping something like the lone wolf would come flying out from behind in that "cycle chic" advert. Reminds me I gotta oil my leather cycling chaps.

leroy said...

"Indiscreet Head Launches Man Missle"

BSNYC reports, you decide.

Frankly, Dean's bike rub was almost as egregious as Crystal What's-her-name's efforts to block a certain celebrity blogger's trip to Portland.

Ride safe all and remember, it's okay to use your head. Sometimes.

wishiwasmerckx said...

They are raising French babies and throwing soft cheeses, as is the custom...

wishiwasmerckx said...

How many cyclocross riders is a "shitload?" I'm guessing 238, give or take a few.

I am the chaffed engine said...

Custard?

I hear that Jens Voigt wears ass-less leather cycling chaps.

I am the very chaffed engine said...

http://www.strangecelebrities.com/images/content/10171.jpg

http://img404.imageshack.us/i/skidmarksiq6.png/

Ha got you, try to remove that image out of your retina's

Sherry said...

So, I am old enough to remember the "other head butting incident" was just a blip on the radar screen.

I didn't take the whole quiz, but did take my husband's fixed gear around the park this week....and no road rash.

xoSherry

Anonymous said...

out of my retina's what?

Did you mean "out of my retinas"?

SeƱor Doosh said...

Test Tickle said...
suspenders? while biking?

UBER DUMB
==================

Before bib shorts suspenders were not that uncommon. Although you had them placed to hold the shorts up, not dangling as an unnessaccessory.

That indeed is UBER DUMB.
They always get hung up on the saddle and seatpost.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

To much talk of cocks and leather for me, I'm outta here!

This Is Not Keirin" said...

HEAD BUTT
BUTT HEAD

Name Withheld said...

I'm just here to help my teammates now. Maybe get one further up in the GC or help win a stage. It has always been about the team with me anyway. Everything I've done or achieved has been because I had a strong team. Now is my chance to repay all that hard work.

CommieCanuck said...

Andy Schleck in leather? I'd spank it.

I imagine the sound of a hand hitting a pool cue.

TDF organizers failed to consider that Renshaw had a neurological problem, a simple head tick. As far as pro cycling excuses go, it's better than most. It could be worse, Tourette Syndrome, as Mark was heard to be screaming at Dean, "fuckingcocksuckerdouchbag!" during the sprint. Renshaw should have started a foundation, no one would have turfed him out.

Props to the "Three Amigos" pic, the best worst film ever made:

Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises.
El Guapo: Many pinatas?
Jefe: Oh yes, many!
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A *plethora*.
Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?


Outstanding.

Jefe said...

I was doing great, but who knew a German used expressions like "couldn't get the skin off the custard." O'Grady must have given him that one. Oh, and there is a lot you can say about the "insulated jar packer," but smug is not one of them.

Daddo said...

snob:

after that absolutely HILARIOUS intro, you could have taken the afternoon off by saying:

"Guys and gals, this is very funny shit I just wrote, no quiz necessary today"

I applaud you both a wonderful intro and quiz!

Jefe said...

CC, I have a myriad of plethoras, thank you.

Frilly, stop changing horses midstream. You are stuck with the Spaniard, leather or not.

acquiesce808 said...

the problem i had with renshaw's headbutt was that dean was *ahead* of him by a wheel or so when he started bashing him with his head.
yes, dean is drifting towards renshaw's line. renshaw can do the elbows out & heavy lean to protect, but what MR did seemed a little excessive.
as far as renshaw drifting into ferrar's line... tyler f. was gonna lose anyway.
yes, expulsion for renshaw is pretty heavy handed, but if your're the race refs, what are you gonna do to show this is uncool? like someone already said, religate a lead-out man? bfd. ovbiously, this hurts the Manssile most. perhaps omerta for Cav's tour de suisse "good sportsman ship"?

sports meet fashion said...

AAAaaaagh... that asport ad was so awful i seriously think my heart stopped beating...
please place warnings ahead of time when the losing selection is hazardous to your health

Daddo said...

Frilly isn't changing horses...

...she's wearing them out. ;-)

CommieCanuck said...

acquiesce808, the big question is, how does the action of this sports hero influence people who watch cycling on TV, the everyman? In addition to salmon in bike lanes, do we now have to watch out for head-butters (mountain goats?).

I'm easily influenced, and tried this move on a UPS truck this morning, with similar results to Renshaw. Versus should have a disclaimer, please, someone think of the children.

As Frilly knows, once you've had a Luxemburger, you need look no further.

Steve said...

I'm so high right now.

Spanky said...

COCK BLOC

CHAF DASS

LETH ERET

wishiwasmerckx said...

Based on Phil and Paul's constant references to it, I decided to "turn myself inside out" on this morning's pre-work ride.

It was painful and a bloody mess. Apparently, the outside of your skin does a much better job at the things skin has to do that the inside.

I recommend against it. Learn from my fail.

CommieCanuck said...

True story: I visited the Parker Resort in Palm Springs, which was originally the Gene Autry dude ranch, and then it was bought by Merv Griffin.

Merv's house on the estate had a very long couch in the living room. Super.

Merv was once sued for sexual harassment by Danny Terio, he is credited for discovering Wink Martindale.

God, what crap.

Wipe Me said...

Which way to the park and what are you all talking about?

yogisurf said...

DID IT! My 1st 100%. 'Course there were only 7 Q's.

frilly said...

Why can't it be a two-horse chariot?

leroy said...

Frilly, your inquiry seems reasonable. Please remember, it's a ride, not a race.

CommieCanuck said...

Contador delivers a psychological blow to Shleck.

Even a psychological blow would knock him over. While Andy was seeing Fuentes, Contador was consulting the amazing Kreskin, who, by the way, was into big glasses way before it was cool.

Fred said...

I didn't think that last quiz question was funny. A good friend of mine was seriously injured in a helmet mirror/over-carbonated beverage/calamari incident.

Salty and Sore said...

@frilly-

I'll give you Schleck. In fact, I'll let you have both.

Just be sure to leave me Jens and Fabian.

Spank, or be spanked.

To each her own.
________
And I'm claiming complete success on this quiz, as I'm denouncing the answers to numbers 6 and 7. The answer to number 6 is more correctly, the hollowed out coconut, and the answer to number 7 is just wrong.

Anonymous said...

Giving head should be lauded, not persecuted I say.

Barredo got away with only a small fine because it happened out of the race, otherwise he would have been forced by TdF officials to drink the water from LeMond's bong.

frilly said...

Oh Leroy, is it ever a ride.

cheva said...

Ass-port . LU - Does the lu stand for ludicrous?
Luxembourg? Is that the origin of the possibly imaginary currency?

bikesgonewild said...

...initially i thought the guilt lay in renshaw's corner but in retrospect i think dean was trying to force renshaw over so that cavendish would have no lane or at least be interrupted...

...i like farrar but if he'd been smart he would a' gone to his right, not his left...

...& ya, snobs right about petacchi...came across both renshaw & farrar while looking to catch cav's slipstream...

...dean & renshaw, relegated = fair...
...renshaw disqualified = poor show...

bikesgonewild said...

...cheva...

...u.c.i. fines are to be paid in 'obscure' swiss "fictional currency" francs...

...just sayin'...

Marc said...

Finishing today in a purposeful way.

With quotes like that, I hope Jens races until he’s 80. Maybe he needs to be groomed as the next commentator for Versus.

Did anybody else notice Cav with his P-Diddy-style umbrella assistant?

Jefe said...

As they say of horses, she was rode hard and put away wet.

bikesgonewild said...

...quiz #1...

...winner, winner, lobster dinner...

...drench that in drawn butter & eat that little 'lobster' 'til it's done...

bikesgonewild said...

..."that woman with the helmet hat...blew the entire peloton"...

...wow, little missy...all in a days work, eh ???...

Miss Muff said...

Honey, I remember so well when I reached up under my red dress to wipe my, well, muff. Our eyes met as I saw you reach under your jeans and begin to choke your chicken, you know, flip your lizard, you know, flog your dolphin, you know, spank your monkey, you know, beat your meat.

Now I look at you and say, how the fuck did I get stuck with this jerk-off?

Anonymous said...

BGW--have to disagree. Renshaw was relegated not for hb-ing Dean, but for looking over his shoulder, seeing Farrar, and then running him into the barrier.

bikesgonewild said...

...oh, sorry...editing mistake...that should have read...

..."that woman with the helmet hat...blew by the entire peloton"...

...computers can be so...quirky...

bikesgonewild said...

...anon @ 5:00pm...

...still can't figure out if renshaw intentionally shut farrar down or not but i honestly now believe those were dean's original intentions...

...shut down htc by moving renshaw & cavendish over so close to the barriers that cav couldn't launch...

...maybe renshaw was reacting to that, in the heat of it all...

...still, i think the two leadout men should have been relegated w/ no dq's...

Anonymous said...

"i'm totally winning and stuff"

i spit out my coffee when i read that. perfect caption!

i can totally see her cruising right past the sprinters in that tweed riding helmet and summer dress and stuff.

Anonymous said...

Cheering for Cav and Fail-shaw is like cheering for Boston at Yankee stadium!

Anonymous said...

Manx Missile?

Man Missile is a penis.

Gala said...

Somewhere in Spanish Da Da Paradise Salvator spins
in his crypt.

bboyreason said...

i just started reading this blog about two weeks ago and really appreciate the excellent work the author puts into it;
but the comments are all retarded;
what could be an important addendum (addendum is smug for 'endpiece') to the blog is wasted by inane comments from probably the same types that are mocked in said blog;
bikesnob, you should edit the comments or approve them before they are posted;

Drew said...

Total parallel with my thinking. I posted my thoughts at Bicycling magazine's facebook comments and had about +10 nancys whining about boxing not racing. Whatever, they were sprinting. Nice job with the play by play work. Also good job with including the Garmin vs Columbia rivalry.

leroy said...

bboyreason --

Thank you for your input.

I will go home now and rethink my life.

Shouldn't take but a moment.

Tex said...

There seems to be a overabundance of humorlessness in the comments today. Someone who can't figure out how to use the shift key on his computer calling everyone else retarded is pretty damn funny, though.

susume said...

The languageway of the Renshaw's performance video is Spanish, by the way. Two guys commenting for the Spanish public TV, the second to speak in the video is Pedro Delgado. Allez!

cyclotourist said...

BBCV IDEO

Jefe said...

@bboyreason 6:36,
Tex is willing to accept your strange typing as a failure to SHIFT. I think you just lack the ability to use appropriate punctuation. This is corroborated by your creation of the word "endpiece." That word cannot possibly be more smug than addendum, as the latter is an actual word and the former is some inane gibberish of your creation.

"Guppy" Honaker said...

I think Mark R. should (and glad he was) expelled from the Tour. Blocking, of course - but head butting? He knew better. It's a sport, he should have been a sportsman.

- David

Aloe Vera 101
Holistic Health Info.

Anonymous said...

After 4+ hours of riding, it comes down to silly tactics and a debate over what's cheating ? What a ridiculous sport

Anonymous said...

At Anon 10:25-

Yeah, ain't it great?!

Salty and Sore said...

At bboy-

You're such a TEASE!

Don't be shy; you can trust us. Come on... Show us your endpiece.

Philip Williamson said...

bboyreason - I thought an endpiece was a "pudendum," not an "addendum."

Guess I put the "dumb" in "addendum," huh?

cyclecat said...

i think Joe Lindsey made a good point in the Boulder Report, that de Costa and Barredo only really endangered their dignity (albeit with what is possibly the most hilarious equipment-related sports bitchslap ever.) but what Renshaw did could've very well led to the serious injury of dozens of riders if Dean had crashed. and Renshaw not only did it once, but three times! (not to mention almost crashing into Farrar in the process.)

honestly, the only thing that could've been more dangerous is if Renshaw had donkey punched Dean in the kidney, or straight up jammed a stick in his front spokes.

i think Renshaw deserved to get kicked out. i mean, it's not fucking jousting, it's bike race!

bikesgonewild said...

...poor b-b-boyreason...

...whether you agree or disagree with his comment, i think it's a total shame that you guys would make fun of a man who writes with a stutter....

...besides...not only does he kiss bsnyc/rtms ass better than most of us, his comment, "the comments are all retarded", logically includes his own work

...astute, opinionated, inclusive, punctuation-ally challenged...what's not to like...
...he's so "one of us", he's surpassed being just that...
'one of us'...

Baron Daguerre said...

Snob, that should be 'Manx Missile', Cav being from the Isle of Man (the adjective of which is 'Manx' for reasons unknown to science).

A 'Man Missile' is something else entirely...

Name said...

My Dear Baron,

Sire, do you think he does not know?

Nogocyclist said...

bboyreason @6:36 is making one serious mistake in his observations.

1. Even though all of us see Snob as "one of us" he is not. He is a published writer who worked in publishing industry even before he wrote his book. He is a true professional.

2. His wife is a copywriter. At times she has probably offered her professional opinion on his blog entries, and even if she never has, Snob would naturally be more careful in his writing than the average person. He would have to assume that sooner or later she would see what he wrote. If he wrote like many commentators, he would naturally fear his wife's disapproval.

3. The comment section is the home of podium racing, allows anonymous comments, and has points of view from around the world.

Readers range from NuFreds to PhDs.
The Disabled (myself included) to Lance Armstrong. With this range of readership the comments should range from "just plain dumb" to brilliant.

Look at most other comment sections, what you see are a bunch of "Great Job" comments. That gets boring very quickly. The comment section of this blog is anything but Boring.

Anonymous said...

I think you mean the Manx missile. Due to Mark Cavendish hailing from the Isle of Mann.

leroy said...

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that in those Hydrive commercials on Versus, there's a motor sound when the guy on the high speed recumbent rides past the camera? I thought the Gruber assist was supposed to be quiet.

streepo said...

Isn't an endpiece the same thing as a codpiece?

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy...

...you're quite right...'gruber assists' are silent...

...but the guy in that fairing-ed recumbent likes to make motorboat engine noises to keep from going "isolation crazy" 'cuz he's all wrapped up in crabon fribe' instead of feeling the wind in his hair...

ken e. said...

"perhaps the most classic of all"

DIE! LOG!
SCTV LOBS
WYRD RACE

Anonymous said...

Chef Snob seasons his renowned creations with the perfect amount of inanity and retardedness. Nevertheless, I am glad that we unrefined customers are still allowed to dabble with the condiments. Inanity and retardedness does get poured on thick and sometimes carelessly spilled but the only damage or injury I've ever heard of relates to involuntarily spitting of coffee. This seems to be happening quite regularly and I would like to see Chef Snob have these careless coffee drinkers removed.

ce

cezille said...

a difficult quiz.

cyclegoddess said...

Q\ueen of Mts Oz returns!
Go Shleck!!

Stranded said...

I figure they evicted Renshaw but not the fighters because Renshaw's violation took place during the race, and the other did not. A matter of publicity. Not that Renshaw didn't ask for it. He did.

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