Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Instant Icons: Design Run A-Meh

In yesterday's post, I said with regard to "concept bikes" that "I'm not sure why designers feel as though they must constantly molest the cycling world with their idiotic and useless bike designs, since there are few machines in this world which require less improvement." Well, I'm now beginning to understand. A reader recently forwarded me a video about "industrial designers" and "urban mobility," and it explains a great deal about why designers are constantly reinventing bicycles as giant kitchen appliances.

As the video opens, the narrator explains that "As the concept of urban mobility gains momentum, bike manufacturers are harnessing the world's best industrial designers to reinvent locomotion on two wheels." We then see a woman in sweatpants walking a mountain bike, which serves to underscore this point:


The narrator then goes on to explain how "bike culture has evolved into a philosophical lifestyle where style and substance have converged," after which we see one of those color-coordinated fixed-gears that will soon come to symbolize the dubious fashions of "the Aughts" in the same way that acid wash came to symbolize the 1980s or leprous bubos came to represent the Middle Ages:

(When style and substance collide, substance vaporizes and dissapears on impact.)

We are then introduced to Jamie Anley, the creative director of something called JAM, which a popular search engine reveals is "a creativity and ideas consultancy for brands" that specializes in "the art of branding." Just as you can determine people's military rank by the bars on their shoulders, you can tell how important design people are by how many buttons they leave open or by how much chest they're showing:

According to Anley, "Designers in the creative community find inspiration in different industries and surprising places and they love to discover using their own transfer and their own imagination"--or, as a person with less chest showing might put it, they're rip-off artists.

In fact, Anley is such an accomplished "branding artist" that he actually manages to rebrand the act of ripping stuff off as "creative promiscuity." "Creative promiscuity," he explains, "is innate in all of us and only recently have people gone, 'It's OK to make a really beautiful bike.'"

This stunned me. Awhile back, I received a book called "The Golden Age of Handbuilt Bicycles," which contained photographs of "beautiful" bicycles, some of which were really old. Apparently, though, all of those photos were fakes, since as Anley says the idea of making an attractive bike is an entirely new concept. By the way, if you're wondering what makes a bike "beautiful," it's colors--lots and lots of pretty colors:

(Color did not exist in cycling until 2007.)

Next, we meet the people at a company called Biomega, who the narrator assures us coined the phrase, "Furniture as locomotion"--which I've never, ever heard before, and which makes as much sense as the phrase, "Refrigeration as heating." Here they are assembling a bike:


Here's the founder, whose highly-buttoned shirt calls into question his credibility as a designer:


Skibsted believes that bicycles "need to be expressions of who we are. In order to counter the design instruments of the car they need to be very iconic." It seems to me that it takes a long time for something to become iconic, and when you set out to create an icon you wind up with something that's less iconic than it is contrived. Zippos are iconic, but I'd guess that the company founder (I believe his name was Aristotle Zippopotamus) probably just wanted to make a lighter that worked well. I also suspect that if you really want to create an icon you're better off just building something durable and relatively inexpensive. Also, your bike doesn't need to be "iconic" to be an "expression of who you are." Take my bike, for example. The scratches say I lock it to poles a lot, and the mozzarella and crusty sauce on the top tube says I love pizza. What more do you need to know?

Then again, some people aspire to be more than just careless pizza-scarfers. They want to be "elegant." Says Skibsted, "If it's not elegant then it shouldn't exist." I wonder if Skibsted would refuse a life-saving injection on the grounds that the needle was insufficiently elegant, or the doctor was poorly dressed. I also wonder if when he says "elegant" he really means "blocky."

(According to Skibsted's own rule, this stem should not exist.)

From Europe, the video then moves on to Asia, where we meet Michael Young of Giant, the designer behind "the iconic Cityspeed." A shot of Young's sketches reveals just how seriously he approached the project and how exacting his requirements were--not only do they call for a "beautiful fitting" and a "comfy-yet-cool seat (saddle)," but they also specify that the seatpost should be "steal-proof" and the handlebars "various:"

If Young's sketches don't convince you he knows how to design a bicycle, then surely his plunging neckline will:


"They wanted me to exploit the facilities in the factory," explains Young, "So things like this crossbar, although a lot of bike fanatics might go, 'Ooh, that looks a bit intimidating,' is actually not in the slightest:"


I admit I'm a "bike fanatic," and I also admit the "crossbar" does intimidate me somewhat, but only because it's pointed on the top and it looks like it could really hurt my "pants yabbies." Also, the groove looks like it would collect pizza sauce, though that could be good for dipping mozzarella sticks. But while Young insists the oddly-shaped "crossbar" does not intimidate, he fails do point out what it does do or why it's shaped that way. I guess it's just iconic, like the fork:


"It's extremely complex to do these things," Young says. Why?

I much prefer the Niner guy. Their fork also has a profile like that, but he didn't finger it gently and talk vaguely about how "complex" it is. He just said it was awesome, and then he beat the crap out of it with a hammer:



But Young isn't worried about hammers. His designs are shaped the way they are for a different reason. "By investing in these sort of qualities you protect the bike from imitation." In other words, you're paying more for a bicycle that is needlessly complicated so that some other "creatively promiscuous" designer doesn't copy it.

So in the end it seems the reason we're subjected to so many ridiculous bikes is that everybody's hoping they'll be the one to design an actual icon. But it takes an icon to make an icon, and if you want to ride an icon you'd be much better off straddling a Cipollini:

Mario Cipollini is the kind of cycling icon you can really get behind:


Unless he gets behind you first.

114 comments:

rezado said...

hi-rez

George Not Hincapie said...

Wow so this is what it's like!

anonymous coward said...

podium

Easton Heights Blogger said...

oof

George Not Hincapie said...

wait till tomorrow, rez...

Unknown said...

what's the ring cycle?
is there and operación puerto going on here?

nogocyclist said...

Top 5

Anonymous said...

cockles

Jefe said...

Top Ten?

Jefe said...

Top Ten?

Cav Not said...

I think I can, I think I can.

mikeweb said...

The crappy middle part of my daily sandwich kept me out of the running...

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Chris said...

These bikes are an expression of who I am
http://www.icetrikes.co.uk/

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Cipollini's attention is focused on something other than the detail of the bike (attaching pedals would improve performance).

Strayhorn said...

Jeeze, Snob, do you have "bike, poser, crap" on permanent search at Google? Just when you think you've seen the ultimate wanker wobbling all over the bike lane in team kit on a dental chair, along come the Snob and finds an even more repulsive example of marketing to the foolish.

And how is he going to make that seatpost theft-proof - issue an armed guard with each bike?

hillbilly said...

c'mon son!

you frickin massholes better do the right thing

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous Coward said...

Are "massholes" where Zippopotamuses live?

Anonymous said...

You really nailed it, today, Snobby.

And Cippo, too! I knew bike design was in his future, didn't he used to tape a pic of Pamela Anderson to his bar stem? Someone asked him why he didn't have a pic of his wife and he said, [supply your own Italian accent] "I knwo what she looks like."

RANTWICK said...

Damn. I'm an undershirt wearin' woosie.

Not Cipo either said...

Top 20?

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Cipollini. Ahem.

You need to correct this or you won't get any onions on your pizza.

CommieCanuck said...

Biomega is a really hip company that promotes the social agenda about bikes as the ultimate personal transportation..but then charges $4-5K for plastic framed bikes (real plastic, not crabon).

Up here, we call these assholes "Volvo Socialists", people who demand $200k a year to tell you how you should live on $30k a year.

It's great to see a bike named after Cipollini, as he currently only has three strains of herpes named after him.

hillbilly said...

quite right, anonymous coward, quite right.....

cipo's wife said...

Cipollini issa Italian for, "small onions".

justa sayin'

thegock said...

CIPO PTMS

mikeweb said...

I second that hillbilly!

Wait, what were we talking about? ;-)

TRB said...

Is that Giant the designer's ode to hump-backed whales? Maybe a new whale series of bikes with a clever tie in to the name Giant?

No.

"They wanted me to exploit the facilities in the factory,"

Sales are down so they've got some extra tubing lying around the factory. Make it 'iconic' but make it cheap.

cunning linguist said...

Have the hasidim taken up arms in their conflict with the cyclists? Is that the impetus for the niner fork demonstration? Perhaps we need to see this guy beat the hell out of a frame too. Maybe a crabon helmet, while he's at it?

Anonymous Coward said...

From the video: "These days, pedal power is as much about attitude as it is about locomotion".

who knew?

anonymous brave soul said...

Top 40?

Anonymous said...

Note that Cipo's chin-shirt to forehead ratio is almost 1:1.

Very impressive.

Jefe said...

I think Cipo's position is both iconic and intimidating. Where can I get a purple plastic chain ring? It's beautiful and complex; more furniture than bicycle part.

Anonymous said...

@Commie 1:59
Too right, CC, too right; still Volvos in your region? Here (SW ONT) seems the pr__ks have migrated to Saabs (yet another 'taken over/going defunct anyway' Eurocar); different brand i.d./same insufferable self-righteousness.

sufferist said...

I do some design work in my current professional position. It is related to software, not bikes. I have been reflecting on my button usage and now understand why I have been turning out such crap for the past couple of years. I need to unbutton a bit more and get rid of this undershirt. I should have known that the key to good design was showing a little more chest-flesh.

Thanks again Snob.

Anonymous said...

I had a cipollini for lunch, it made me a little gassy.

CAMPIONE CYCLES CALGARY said...

When you strip away all pretension what is left? I feel scared and alone. Wait! Everything is ok! I found another cookie!

Jefe said...

Did anyone else notice that it appears someone has punched Jens Martin Skibsted in the eye? Which is really too bad, since the punch should have gone to that self-important wanker Michael Young.

Unknown said...

Top 40! Kasey Kasem approves!

Anonymous said...

sounds like a video prolly would prolly foff himself off to.

captncranky said...

I thought a recumbent was "Furniture as locomotion"

Ashamed of Myself said...

"...make a lighter than worked well..."

Well written today, except for the typo.

Anonymous said...

muy excelente, sr. snob

Buffalo Bill said...

Mmmm, crusty sauce, my favorite.

Anonymous said...

that michael young curated designer Giant is both iconic and epic. Where can I get one?

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I would have thought Cipo would offer his bikes in the Zebra colourway.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Thanks a lot, Mr. Snob. I told my wife that I had your permission to become more "creatively promiscuous," and she slapped me!

Like ? said...

History is such a pain 'cause like you say something and someone says dude someone said that before and like you're like oh man career over?

Michael Young looks like the mime who like mimed like he was like raping my dog or something when I was 10? I was like silently scarred for years?

I've like designed a shirt without buttons? I find them like intimidating? My dog agrees?

Kay bye?

Slappy said...

yeah get a wrench and shut yer pie hole you dumBASS designerz.. build one of these http://picasaweb.google.com/Stomparillaz/StomparillazBrigade?authkey=Gv1sRgCMDlwc-0h5mmowE#5132130567449563090

Stupid Name said...

It is all about the top tube, ask any canadian. (Guru-douche bag)

There are no new ideas only imtimidating old ones, really, just imitated old ideas.

The only thing nerdier than a recumbant bicycle is a recumbant tricycle. Those boys have no pants yabbies at all.

grog said...

bluejeans and no buttons here.
nice report snobbers.
in all my years riding road and offroad, i've never met a fork-bashing 16oz. ballpeen hammer. i will now ride in fear of the hammer.

Anonymous said...

ant 2nd!

All this questing for "authenticity" - quite fecking annoying. Street cred / I'm down with the working class, eg messengers / steel is real / singlespeeds only / tattoos / etc etc - you are what you buy, urban outfitters whydontcha. I formerly used to refer to a small subset of them boyos as prep school carpenter boys; but then again, it's great to have a great prep school education, and then if your heart is in it, to become a great or even good carpenter. So what yam I talking about?

That conflicted painter and thinker said it well (Fairfield Porter) when asked it if was vain to sign your paintings or vain NOT to sign them - "If you are vain it is vain to sign your pictures and vain not to sign them. If you are not vain it is not vain to sign them and not vain not to sign them."

Zen guy he was, even as he was stepping out on his wife...who knows what was between them (cipolinis?) and besides it was a long time ago.

But the point is, all this useless beauty in search of what is real, when what is real can't be boughten...no matter how hip these corporate troglodytes want to dress (and they WILL be taking note of the collarway issues), they're still crapping green / and scared...because they know, deep down, that there is no there there in what they're putting out there. Just another iteration of the Hummer.

Corporate thinking, it's infected us all. And how about that swill from David Brooks lately? Eh?

PS - not a Canadian. Though I do have to cut this short, as I have to go cut our bad roosters neck.

Borscht for supper!

rural 14 said...

(in a spasm of uninspired typing blather I forgot to say - that was me)

sufferist said...

Anonymous 2:42 said, "that michael young curated designer Giant is both iconic and epic."

I'm trying to work out if that means the bike is one of the following:
#1.) epionic
#2.) iconpic
#3.) an expression of douchnicity

ringcycles said...

Where I grew up the "art of branding" meant displaying extrordinary flourish in applying an iron to a steers hide. Who knew it could also mean conning white collar guys out of 6 figure consulting fees. Though in cattle branding also, the more chest you show, the higher you rank on the drive.

ringcycles said...

Wagner: I think the ring cycle is the new IOC term for the few remaining track events.

g said...

I have to imagine those ISD guys are really pissed they have to ride those knock-offs and there was not trim at the presentation party. Cippo is really slipping. Is it a hairgel to lady ratio, I wonder? Get some more mousse Mario, we all like the photo shoots better that way.

Anonymous said...

"By investing in these sort of qualities you protect the bike from imitation."
Actually, by investing in these sort of qualities, you introduce another spring into the bike (which will make the ride suffer), and you introduce more material (which will make the bike needlessly heavy and expensive).

Anonymous said...

EPIC ICON

NICE CIPO

Anonymous said...

JAM = JackAss Motorist, something every road biker should be familiar with.
Now 'scuse me while I go protect my bikes from bike imitators and other assorted scum, by "curating" their frames and components with vigorous hammer strikes.

Anonymous said...

Cipo, cipo, cipo....no onions. As any reader of my blawg will know, I type without a net.

eeeeeeeeee said...

A slice would mount quite nicely behind the head tube. Snob, let's do this!

sufferist said...

EPIC ICON yieds -> COI PENIC

Anonymous said...

That Niner video leaves much to be desired. 1st of all - the guy with the hammer is scrawny and weak. And after all that hitting, I don't see him doing 3 foot drops on his forks post-hammer. pfft.

ant1 said...

my question regarding the niner fork is: will it blend?

flynn said...

ha, awesome. I'm tired of washing the leftover sauce from the pockets of my jerseys

Test Tickle said...

coming from someone who obviously spends most of his days trolling this page instead of using a hammer to bang on carbon forks, steel doesn't really hold much validity.

just sayin'

balls.

Master deBater said...

Liz Hatch is smokin!

Dr. Makim ben'Dover said...

Not to be pedantic, but bubos are the result of the Plague, not leprosy.

If your memory is failing, I recommend we treat you with hard meat suppositories twice a day.

A. F. said...

Marcie, don't worry about a thing. I'll show you how to steal an election.

kfg said...

Snob; you can actually buy refrigeration/heater units off the shelf. It's just a matter of which side blows what.

But thank you for letting me know that what the world was crying out for is a Schwinn Varsity with a tumor. Who knew?

The arrow in that picture is pointing out where the stress riser will eventually cause the tube to fail, right?

I guess that's how you design an iconic bike; you find somewhere they don't break and make sure that yours become know for breaking there.

I wear an open happi coat, so you know I know what I'm talking about.

erik k said...

BRWN SUKS

Russell G. said...

that dude referred to the bike's "FORKS" Oh man that just sealed the deal.

Fearful said...

hell, anytime I'm on the road and a ball-peen hammer hits my front fork several times in a row, I just take back that bag 'o weed..forget the damn fork...

Agent 009 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eric Lowe said...

The only thing that could make that sketch more pretentious would be if it was drawn on a cocktail napkin.

Anonymous said...

I hate to admit this, but I once had an avid interest in art and design.

wishiwasmerckx said...

KGF: "It's just a matter of which side blows what." That right there pretty much sums up life altogether, don't you think? Poetic, man.

urchin said...

I can't believe I get to land this one.

SNUG LIFE

LA in Oz said...

81st!!!! sukkaz!!!!

Rick Donkey said...

The only thing nerdier than a recumbant bicycle is a recumbant tricycle.

A former roomate of mine went from a 'bent trike to a 'bent bike. He didn't like the bike at first because he had to, get this folks, balance. Did I mention he's 53, single, and wears a fucking fanny pack?

kfg said...

wishiwasmerckx:

Indeed I do; and as the phrasing was intentional, thank you.

lifer said...

These pretentious self-referential masturbatory designers riding the cycling wave make me ill. Ohh wow, you figured how to colour co-ordinate and paint things contrasting colours or dare say neon combined with pastel, that fine sir is apex of the curatorial craft. You're simply dressing up track bikes to look like ugly cartoon sneakers.

Your designy alt-transportation millenial creations are pure douchebaggery. Read up on cycling history and design and come up with something that doesn't look like a plastic child's toy. The bicycle one of the most efficient, elegant and important "collabos" of 100 years of engineering, and deserves much more respect and talent that your collective efforts could ever google.

Long live bicycles.

Frustrated "Clay Guy" said...

Designers simply wish they were engineers...

physics snob said...

"Refrigeration as heating" can actually make a lot of sense, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heat_pump if you care. I will understand if you don't.

Unknown said...

Wow, snob is right, but good writing. So is it still OK to build a single speed? I love the uniqueness and artistic inspirations behind so many fixie's I see. I love re-building the classics personally, but spoke's free would be sick!

Lord Skankypants said...

Hey! Those designer douches are stealin' my shtick! I'll get them bastards. Just you wait.

omowo said...

IcON ICON

Odile Lee said...

That wierd cycle stem looks about right to hold my tampoms! About three for a four hour ride, great!Theres no more room in the yabby bike bag- what with tubes, co2,tire levers, money,bike tool and ancient fruit bar in a bag the size of my fist...
Im not sure I want old Cip BEHIND me. Not sure what hed do and his seat post has been sockeed in far too many podium girls.6

Odile Lee said...

You can tell from my iconic ride that I enjoy enjoy something really hard between my legs( and its called' selle italia).

Nothing like a saddle that feels ( and looks ) like a log!

Odile Lee said...

What does all this pretentious twaddle have to do with riding up hills by the beach until you feel you are having a heart attack?( What I did this weekend.)

I never even noticed the damn bike!
Now if it had a oxygen bottle built in...

Farquar Farquarson said...

I eagerly await Philippe Starck's reinventing of the bicyle after he amazingly transformed a loudspeaker into 'vibrating air' which sounds exactly like what it is:
Monsieur is talking out of his arse.

Anonymous said...

Incredible insight Mr Snob. As an ordinary rec cyclist, I appreciate your sacrifical efforts to keep us informed of these diabolical efforts to destroy cycling.

Anonymous said...

"When style and substance collide, substance vaporizes and dissapears on impact."

Snobby- excellent post! Many designers are stuck designing effigies of bikes with non-functioning, impractical, and foolish "improvements" ..however I like design and constant attempts at improving what exists. With components on bikes, iconic (and maybe ironic) improvements have been made, yes the basic beautiful design of a bicycle is the same however my Crabon bike of today is vastly different than my 25 year old aluminum Cannondale, more fun, faster and safer.

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

The part that's really funny is these dingbats think they are the first to come along and spread a layer of bullshit over something as highly evolved and sublimely elegant as a good bicycle. It's like the "freestylers" who think they were the first to figure out you can pedal a fixed gear backwards. What are they, six years old or something?

Stupid Name said...

http://www.fyxomatosis.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=278:tour-down-under&catid=1:latest-news&Itemid=97

apparently there are more than one meaning for yabbies.

Anonymous said...

I AM ICONIC!~!!!!!!!!

wishiwasmerckx said...

99th...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and, 100th.

leroy said...

Is it just me or has anyone else considered that the real reason an epic bike designer has a generous chin to shirt drop is to afford easy access to lube gold chains?

leroy said...

100?

leroy said...

Aaaarghhh! Caught at the line.

Again.

sufferist said...

lantern rouge?

CommieCanuck said...

however my Crabon bike of today is vastly different than my 25 year old aluminum Cannondale, more fun, faster and safer.

(cough)bullshit(cough)

Bikes have not gotten "faster" in the last 30 years,and with the advent of crabon wheels,less safe.

Rick Donkey said...

Dear lord, did someone just describe fixed-gear bicycles as unique? Have you not read anything RTMS wrote in the last 2.83 years?

Stanley said...

It used to be the physical resemblance, but those pictures clearly proves that Cipolini is in fact the great Rocco Siffredi.

Anonymous said...

I'm a full-time concept.

But just a part time agenda.

next week on Monical:

sweatsocks....the lifestyle of having feet.

Anonymous said...

CC:
Can't vouch for and I won't touch Crabon imploding wheels, however component advances have enabled me to stop, start and move on down the road quicker and safer than with my much older and much loved Cannandale... ( of course it may well just be me getting faster as I get older )

Then again maybe I should have been a dentist...since I may be a Fred.

Anonymous said...

yer mother is a dentist

Philadelphia birth injury lawyer said...

Very interesting. Not sure if I ever plan to test a fork like that, or fit myself to a bike that way.

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Anonymous said...

3D Biomega bike...rotate with mouse, awesome!
http://www.3dpdf.dk/documents/biomega.pdf

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