Friday, January 15, 2010

BSNYC Quiz Day Fun Fry!

Yesterday, as I traveled through Brooklyn on my way to Manhattan, I noticed a double-parked Mini Cooper bearing a large decal on the door that said "NYC*scout." Since I don't always pay as much attention to municipal matters as I should, I suspected "NYC*scout" was either some film location scouting company that scours Brooklyn for new, never-before-seen brownstones, or else some new Zipcar competitor. (A Zipcar packed with Whole Foods groceries is the gentrified Brooklyn equivalent of a truck with a dead deer strapped to it.) However, when I consulted a popular search engine, I learned that "NYC*scout" is actually the "Street Conditions Observation Unit" of the Mayor's Office of Operations:

Their job is "driving every New York City street every month of the year," and reporting "visually-identifiable street conditions into a hand-held device that wirelessly transmits the data to the Mayor's Office." Here's a chart that shows how the whole thing works:

Given our current fiscal crisis, I was shocked to discover that the city is paying 15 people to scour the city in Mini Coopers looking for stuff that needs to be fixed when they could simply pay a single person to do it on his bicycle. That person, of course, would be me, since riding around the city and looking for things to complain about is nothing less than my dream job. So uniquely suited am I to this position that I even already possess a "hand-held device that wirelessly transmits the data to the Mayor's Office"--or, as I prefer to call it, a cellphone. I wonder how much the city pays for a fleet of cars that look like they should be part of the Michael Graves collection at Target and for 15 special "hand-held devices" that they could have purchased for next to nothing pre-paid at Rite Aid when they could have just hired a whiny blogger who already has a bicycle and a cellphone and who only requires a modest salary and a daily lunch allowance at Blimpie. Plus, you notice a lot when riding a bicycle that you'd otherwise miss when driving a car. Using a car to check on the street conditions is like giving yourself a breast exam while wearing an oven mitt.

Hopefully one day my dream will come true, but in the meantime it gives me pleasure to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see someone with one of those defective levitating crabon wheels.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and enjoy the weekend.

--BSNYC/RTMS




1) These cheek piercings are evidence that police may have used torture on the so-called "Milwaukee Polo 11."



2) This photograph, forwarded by a reader, depicts a mythical creature known as:






3) This bicycle, spotted by a reader in California, would make a good dedicated jackalope-hunting bike.




4) Home-baked is the latest thing in:

--Muffins
--Bread
--Energy bars
--Fixies








6) In the future, cyclists will travel:








7) Cinelli is for sale on Craigslist.

--True
--False






8) The next episode of "Pedaling" will be called:



126 comments:

David Dawson said...

1st?

Anonymous said...

yeah

mikeweb said...

Conan!!

Anonymous said...

yowza

Nogocyclist said...

Top Ten

ant1 said...

ant1st!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten again. I'm like some super-domestique lead-out man.

Anonymous said...

Top 10?

Anonymous said...

ZOMGWTF420BBQ69!!11!

Race2Place said...

no time bonus for me

d. fofonov said...

Perhaps maybe yes?

Anonymous said...

top 15

esau bin necker said...

purdy hi finnish for a mooslim

hillbilly said...

hey! that's the 2nd thing i've sent in that's been used!! (the wire thing)...sure, probably 100 other people did to, but still!

Anonymous said...

"Faster than the speed of smell..." Nice to see a shout-out to Ron White, one of my favorite comics.

hillbilly said...

snob, is the twitter account without the underscore an imposter?

have a good weekend, everyone.

Daniel said...

Number 5 looks like salmon sashimi from a fancy Manhattan restaurant.

Anonymous said...

Could a been a contender

rezado said...

viernes frita

Jefe said...

In Albany, we lack Whole Foods, city-owned Mini Coopers, and even clandestine bike polo, but Jackalopes have been spotted. They are hunted, dressed, and served with a Bearnaise Sauce.

ringcycles said...

I can't seem to keep up. Is it Jackalope season already? The lookeeloos must already have fledged. Is there a bag limit this year?

d gital said...

pack?

Stiveau said...

That dude looked like a wanker until I saw him wheelie and shut me up. Then when he was ogling his ride over coffee he kind of became a wanker again. Props to the bowler, though. Ladies like.

Anonymous said...

Congrats to DD, Anon and the incredible, (I'm not saying he's blodd-doping, but...) mikeweb!

Anonymous said...

eer, blood-doping

Anonymous said...

Staying home sick... and still pack fodder.

I guess I must need more Netti-pot sinus interval workouts... Gah...

Anonymous said...

The default video was one of the more annoying hipster, mastubatory vids you've postrd, Snob!

innerlighter said...

The "hipster" in the video is cleary a "fakester" as he is clearly seen going through an intersection (2:33) while the light was still green. Another sign that the scene is truly closed?

Also, will his next video be of him riding from bike shop to bike shop to replace rear tires as he skids them to oblivion? Maybe the next hipster retro trend will be palping a spare tire looped over the shoulders "all old school like"

When does Rapha come out with a retro tubular to do just that?


yikes!

Anonymous said...

I'm not saying my typos are homage to BSNYC, but. . .

Anonymous said...

Watching Shane ride around San Mateo I found myself thinking, I'venothing against fixies or the folk that ride them, but the self-documentary thing is just way out of hand.
Essential ground rule:
1. get a life.
2. then write, film or otherwise document it.

p.s. that's one pissed-off driver at 2:40. The kind of riding is bad for cycling in general.

Anonymous said...

nice jazz score though.

Anonymous said...

I bet you that jackalope hunting bike could carry a lot of epic burritos

Nogocyclist said...

Shane Nesbit the rider in the "Wrong Answer" video is asking for it if he ever has to go to court. That video shows him breaking the law (running stop signs etc.) and riding recklessly (making a left turn in front of a car from right lane.)

If he gets hit by a car, the defense lawyer will give him a hug when he sees this video.

Also in some localities, this video could get him a citation if the wrong person sees it. This actually happened, see the fat cyclist at http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/07/02/fifteen-minutes-of-shame/

erik k said...

mmm.. jackalope burritos

Fred said...

That does it, I'm sick of the hipsters getting all the screen time. I'm going to start a series of "Rad-Fred" riding videos. Check YouTube soon for sweet vidz of:

1. Riding the 'bent to the Coop for more bulk quinoa.
2. Mad "no-hands" skillz on display on the multi-use path.
3. Gear Test: Which wool socks are fastest?
4. "Beards!" (mostly slo-mo close-ups)
5. Death-defying wheel-sucking at the March of Dimes 10k Ride

streepo said...

Jefe,
You're not looking close enough for the bike polo in Albany. It's just across Madison from where the Jackalope have been sighted.

JTK said...

you can have the *scout* job, I'm signing up for the breast examiner opportunity, sans oven mits.

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

So I clicked on "Soft & Douchey" for number 8, and I still don't know if I was right or not. I didn't see any Specialized products though. Hmmm...

Anonymous said...

Minneapolis bike polo team: can't we all just get a lawn?

Surly Bastard said...

Mmmmm. That was "sweet and douchey." Loved the rack focus on the douche and his fixie in front of the 3B Coffee hut/shop/joint. Fucking priceless.

Fred said...

I'm surprised the Commenteriat here did not share my shock at AC's revelation that the bike actually does make you faster.

I mean doesn't this contradict one of the Four Pillars of BSNYC: Differently Molded Crabon Shalt Not Make You Faster, Only Poorer?

broomie said...

I say Shane is still a wanker, wheelie or no.
Which begs the question: SInce you may not coast on a fixed gear does a manual default to a wheelie or are all fixie wheelies manuals making it technically impossible to wheelie on a fixed gear?

I like the amorous armadillo on the folding helmet. I think Amorous Armadillo would be a better name for it.

Anonymous said...

Streepo, maybe they can play bike polo in the clearing at the snipe-hunting grounds. It's right behind the store that sells left-handed smoke benders.

bk jimmy said...

That cycling high-wire system should be a lot of fun (for you and everyone behind you) when you drop your chain or get a flat!

Anonymous said...

I'd sure like to do some baking in her kitchen! Hubba hubba!

mikeweb said...

I'm back from my Biryani break.

Just so that I don't get embarassed the next time I try to discuss "Pedaling" with a fellow stranger in the free-range Rutebaga aisle at Whole Foods, is the next episode named 'Sweet and Savory' or 'Sweat and Savory'?

If that dude with the be-bearded facial hair-way is the 'star', I would think it to be the latter.

Anonymous said...

Shane likes tattoos. Or he hates his mum. Shane hates his rear tyre. Shane gets twitchy after coffee. Shane should have bought a unicycle. Shane is a temporary citizen - one day he will get run over. It wont be his fault. The car should have known he was there and was going to turn in front of him. The world might not miss Shane.

Anonymous said...

RIDE AID

VBW said...

Shane!!!! Come Back, Shane!!!!

mikeweb said...

Fred,

I tried watching that AC press conference this morning, but could only make it to about the 4 minute mark. I kinda wished that Vino had been waiting in the wings and sort of barged into the whole thing wearing that jersey with his picture on it and coerced AC to drink Vodka shots with him.

OBA said...

Blimpie? Et tu Snobby? I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Anonymous said...

I know this is beyond the pet peeve of typos, but my pet peeve is the misuse of the term "beg the question"

please see:
http://begthequestion.info/

Unknown said...

7/8
Have a nice weekend, Scout.

Jefe said...

Thanks Streepo, Albany PD has now staked out Washington Park looking for mallets and fixies.

Viatcheslav said...

Still in the field sprint with my "Russian steal"

grog said...

The Lone Ranger's Indian friend's horse's name is not mini cooper.

Singletrack groupo in the park tomorrow at 8am.

RIDE NICE

Test Tickle said...

Fred said...
I'm surprised the Commenteriat here did not share my shock at AC's revelation that the bike actually does make you faster.


coming from someone who obviously spends most of his days trolling this page instead of riding a bike, AC's opinion doesn't really hold much validity.

Just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Jazz in a fixie video...odd but kind of cool. Jackalope burritos for summer, jackalope pot pie for winter.

CommieCanuck said...

Oh dear, it's jackalope season again, and someone done run over the Easter Jacklalope.

CommieCanuck said...

Ok, I kid,

<a href="http://i634.photobucket.com/albums/uu65/commiecanuk/beavammoose.jpg>the Easter Jackalope</a>

CommieCanuck said...

shit, that was the Canadian Beavamoose, here's the Easter Jackalope, for real.

CommieCanuck said...

and, the <a href="http://i634.photobucket.com/albums/uu65/commiecanuk/beavammoose.jpg> Boxing Day Beavamoose</a>.

CommieCanuck said...

WTF..


and, the Boxing Day Beavamoose

Roadkill Cafe said...

Nicely done, Nogo. That should show up well in some legal assistant's search results. I trust you have archived the "film" somewhere. Thank you.

ken e. said...

this is a test...

href="http://i634.photobucket.com/albums/uu65/commiecanuk/beavammoose.jpg>the Easter Jackalope

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

Pssst. Commie. Just put the nunchuks down when you're doing html.

ken e. said...

damn, i knew there was something still amiss. my html skills are about the same as my videotaping ones. is it still called that?

OVEN MITT

ken e. said...

ok, had to...

NASA COKE

Anonymous said...

BOOB EXAM

bike locks said...

Love the quiz, confused on the idea of home baked bikes.

Fred said...

For those who couldn't get through the press conference:
VeloNews wrote: "Contador didn’t get into training specifics that could have resulted in the power increase, but he did allude to his change in bikes (from Trek to Specialized).

“The main differences that I’ve noticed are that it (S-Works Tarmac SL3) seems like a much stiffer bike — so much so, that it can take a couple of days to get used to it.” Contador also mentioned that his bike “feels” shorter, and that he’s been surprised by how well it handles on descents."

I'm off to my LBS to get me one of those short bikes. I always thought tall bikes were stupid.

Stupid Name said...

I think AC's new bike computer says "You Still Suck".

How did the bike polo guys in beer town damage a concrete parking garage? I want to know.

"When wearing the Tatoo, you might feel the warm glow of future-forward design. You also won't feel your legs, after you're paralyzed."

So it is a good design, but it doesn't work, so it is not a great design?

The problem with the wires is that most douce bags can't even use a bridge correctly. The stupidist guy always screws up the system.

I am going to bake me one of those bikes this weekend with my dentist.
Thanks snob.

brother yam said...

How do you get 15 people in a Mini Cooper?

Anonymous said...

Bikelocks--

Crabon frames are kiln-baked.

Anonymous said...

Do tell Bro Yam: How do you get 15 people in a Mini Cooper?

Salty Seattle said...

Welcome back, Testy.. We missed you.

db said...

Using a car to check on the street conditions is like giving yourself a breast exam while wearing an oven mitt.

I... I laughed out loud. I actually did. Thank you.

And re: Shane riding his Japanese fixed gear...

Why, why is he constantly carrying or walking his bike on the drivetrain side? Is this part of his rebel cred.? I mean, the rolled up pant leg would indicate that he wants to avoid palping chain grease, and yet he consistently transports the bike from that side...

BikeSnobNYC said...

DB,

I'm guessing he's come to favor that side after a tragic mishap in the stairwell involving his toeclip and the handrail.

--BSNYC

bk jimmy said...

Commie

Is it an ominous sign when a dead jackalope's antlers cast a distinct shadow on an overcast day?

Salty Seattle said...

Not commenting on the quiz, as I failed. I'm bookending my workweeks with epicness these days, at least until it's epic ride season again. Epic Burrito Monday, and then EPIC FAIL Fridays.

So, Fred-
About that Rad Fred Riding vid series, you mentioned:
4. "Beards!" (mostly slo-mo close-ups)

While I've been keenly entertained by the popularity and variety of the Beardways of '09, I'm wondering if the 2010 slo-mo version to which you refer, may be of female-waistline variety? Or am I still misunderstanding the ways of the Fred?

(No, I'm not interested in auditioning. For Shame! --I'm too busy trying to figure out how Snobbie keeps following me around. I thought I was the only one who knew about the value of oven mitts!)

Anonymous said...

PONY TAIL
CHMO FAIL

Anonymous said...

I don't know bro yam ,tell me

Al said...

I don't think I want a helmet that a) clicks together
b) stores flat when not in use
c) is recyclable

Anonymous said...

I have a picture of myself riding that Jackalope. You can too if you're ever in Wyoming-

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/13249

Anonymous said...

bro yam,

I waited for several minutes, and now I don't even care.

15IN ACAR

ConArtist said...

You need that job for sure. Except you do it for free.

CommieCanuck said...

Is it an ominous sign when a dead jackalope's antlers cast a distinct shadow on an overcast day?

An ominous sign of my suckage at photoshop.

Either way, the end is neigh.Repent.

Test Tickle said...

coming from someone who obviously spends most of his days trolling this page instead of using Photoshop, CC's imagery doesn't really hold much validity.

Just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Is that a giant pile of Jackalope poo under the Jackalope's rear end?

CommieCanuck said...

brother yam said...

How do you get 15 people in a Mini Cooper?

-----

First, drive the Mini as far away from the southern states as possible.

CommieCanuck said...

Is that a giant pile of Jackalope poo under the Jackalope's rear end?

----

jackacrap

Anonymous said...

Incidentally, CommieCanuck, one of your countrywomen came to visit me last year in NM and saw postcards of the jackalope....and thought it was a real creature! No, seriously. I had to convince her it WASN'T real. Har.

Shram said...

But Snob, riding around the city and looking for things to complain about already is your job.

ant1 said...

speaking of beards

Unknown said...

The Mini's were donated to the city:

http://bit.ly/7YexV6

But I agree. A bicycle is a smarter way to go.

Unknown said...

the fixster in the video looks like this guy.

Anonymous said...

100?

Anonymous said...

Damn it! Jumped too soon..

Anonymous said...

Now:)

Stupid Name. said...

"SCOUT (Street Conditions Observation) is a squad of 15 inspectors who drive around the five boroughs looking for quality of life violations including potholes, overflowing litter baskets, a pit without a street tree, a missing stop sign or graffity."

Does Bloomburg really need scouts to determine the quality of life violations in NYC?

I only need to read the NY Times.

kfg said...

Jefe: ". . .Jackalopes have been spotted. They are hunted. . ."

I prefer to go out on 787 and jack a moose.

". . .we lack . . . clandestine bike polo. . ."

Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in an M&M package?

The Real Test Tickle said...

Ant1 - awesome site!

and to the TT impersonators ... awesome! i think we should start an army and take over the world.

just sayin'

balls.

wishiwasmerckx said...

What is all this about jacking off an antelope? Antelope semen makes an excellent anti-wrinkle face cream. The hard part is...

Anonymous said...

My friend worked a similar job in the city where he driv around testing park swing and the like. Pays very well and is very hard to get employed as...

Anonymous said...

My friend worked a similar job in the city where he driv around testing park swing and the like. Pays very well and is very hard to get employed as...

A Wish said...

I wish
I could be
so focused
so focused on being cool
so focused on being cool like Shane
like Shane

Deadhead said...

Hey Shane where's your shants?

Velocodger said...

I can't wait to bake my own crabon bike!! Too bad I'll have to do it wearing oven mitts.....

Fred said...

Salty wrote: While I've been keenly entertained by the popularity and variety of the Beardways of '09, I'm wondering if the 2010 slo-mo version to which you refer, may be of female-waistline variety?

Absolutely not. As a Fred I am not even capable of convincing a woman to stop laughing, much less dropping trou for a video.

Anonymous said...

if i am home baking i will go with the carbran muffin type bike
offered only in the brown colourway
our motto will be...
shit and spin really fast!

Anonymous said...

imagine equivalency in all things. nothing is lame...nothing is cool. and if the bike doesn't fit, adjust the seat.

Madonna said...

I'm usually at home when I get baked. Saves a lot of trouble.

TRB said...

The producers of the Shane video raise an interesting question: can toadies also fawn?

PCLA said...

If Snob doesn't get the NYC*Scout job, how about becoming a member of Jared Leto's "Eschelon" grassroots promotion team?:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/Music/01/12/30.seconds.mars/index.html

30S2 MARS

leroy said...

Before Friday's post, I thought "NYC Scout" was the title of an Atticus Finch themed blog.

But then again, I also thought the Contador press conference was the next "Pedaling NYC" installment.

I kept waiting for him to pedal to H&H Bagels to bake his own bike.

Imagine my disappointment.

Ride safe all!

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
innerlighter said...

Swhashbuckling D...

The nunchucks don't get put down, they put YOU down!


yikes!

thegock said...

JAKA LOPE

Unknown said...

120th!!!! mferzzzz

Anonymous said...

shane puts on a record shane goes out shane gets an iced coffee shane gets a haircut oh shane, why should we care when CA crumbles into the sea?

theshepherdsdog said...

awsome quiz

Odile Lee said...

good thing my cycling partner is also a cook. those oven mitts can get tricky......
Im guilty quinoa wise...does this make me a wankette also?

grog said...

... not to be confused with a jackaloupe, which is a melon, or an optical device.

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

Innerlighter,

Yikes indeed! And I thought Sister Mary Agnes was a hardass.

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