Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Wednesday Competition of the Knowledge of the Bicycle Snobs NYC! (And Announcement of Short Recess.)

Even though I worship the Lobster God (I'm totally off the Chicken God, He answered none of my prayers), this does not mean that I can't observe Christmas. In fact, an important part of Lobster God worship is using other religions' holidays as an excuse to not do stuff. (This holiday parasitism is actually one of the holy Three Pincers of my faith, alongside sloth and cheese consumption.) For this reason, I will not be posting tomorrow or Friday, and will instead be deeply immersed in observing the Three Pincers until Monday, December 28th, when I will return with regular updates. (At least until New Year's Eve and Day, which I will also probably use as an excuse, even though Lobster God New Year is actually celebrated on February 29th, or what crustacea apostates call "Leap Year.")

Another thing my benevolent and delicious Lobster God allows me to do (praise and melted butter be unto thee, o Lobster God!) is accept gifts on regular Christmas, even though Lobster Christmas is not until what you infidels call "Arbor Day." (Arbor Day was Earth Day 1.0.) However, my Lobster God does require me to gloat over gifts (gloating is a sacrament), so I will now gloat over this seasonal holiday gift basket I received from the good people at Rapha:

Actually, Rapha just sent the Rouleur stuff--I made the seasonal gift basket myself using wilted celery, potatoes, and an old "compact disc." (I read how to do it in Martha Stewart Living.) The little book is the latest issue of Rouleur, and the big book is the "Photography Annual." It's full of photography as you would expect, and in the spirit of the season I've garnished it with Stoned Wheat Thins and vegetarian bacon (both staples of my helper monkey, Vito's, diet):

(All You Haters Covet My Gift)

Having gloated, rather than leave you with nothing I will now present you with a short quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll receive a consolation prize in the form of "Christmas in Hollis."

Happy Holidays (or happy holiday avoidance depending on how sardonic you are) from my "family" to yours, and ride safe if your regional weather pattern allows. Thanks very much for reading and emailing, and I'll see you on Monday the 28th.


--BSNYC/RTMS










2) What's going on here?

--Rigorous shirt testing
--Rigorous bra fitting
--Rigorous knuckle tattoo-planning





(Fixed-gear freestyler pulls off the elusive tight-pants-palp-to-tire-pressure-check.)

3) Bad news for fixed-gear freestylers! Milwaukee, WI is on track to ban:






4) Where? Why? How?






5) Not only does this Philadelphia Craigslist ad feature a disembodied hand, but it also features a:







"Dura-Ace features and feel but with a tad more weight--and a lot less money."

6) This is a quote from:





***Special "Units of Measurement"-Themed Bonus Question***


"CC" stands for "cubic centimeters" and is commonly used to measure engine displacement in motorcycles.


124 comments:

Anonymous said...

first?

Hocam said...

nice

Wagner said...

back in business here we are

Wagner said...

F5 button is gone

Anonymous said...

hoo. yah.

Anonymous said...

as legal as a astana transfusion kit

CAMPIONE CYCLES CALGARY said...

top ten??!??!!

Anonymous said...

600 CC

Endoking said...

Sonafabitch! Top Ten?!

innerlighter said...

top 10!

Anonymous said...

all you haters learn the metric system

innerlighter said...

Ant1,
How can you tell that ants don't complain? I mean, maybe not outright revolt, but there's gotta be some grumbling in the day to day chores.
The law of large numbers must make for an AntSnob somewhere!

meh

Bad Lawyer said...

Sounds to me like Snob is celebrating Shiksa-Christmas, eh?

Merry Christmas to all!

rezado said...

hi-rez

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

what's the relation of Michael Rasmussen to Chicken God? Is he a sort of Tom Cruise of the sect?

Visegripmikey said...

..I just don't know what is right or wrong anymore...

ant1 said...

too much wednesday weed, snobby thinks it's friday.

Anonymous said...

Top 20?

Anonymous said...

schluffing into the holidays. Happy Festivus!

g said...

can't believe I fell for the "no filming without a permit" answer. merry christmas to all.

grog said...

May your lobster be dressed all in red cocktail sauce as it descends chimney with sack o snobbery.
WCKY QUIZ

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Merry Crustaceamas, all.

That vegetarian bacon makes a nice picture, even if it doesn't look at all tasty. Does Vito like it?

Anonymous said...

What's up with the spokes on the wheels of the HED bike? I've seen wrecked wheels that look better.

Astroluc said...

I must still be exhausted from my sprint yesterday... yeah, that's it.

mikeweb said...

Those wheels on the HED bike are pure Jobst Brandt porn.

Bobbo said...

Best Holidaze Wishes to you RTMS

Fancy Rider said...

I like to think that all of the riding that I do is pretty darned "fancy". Listen, you don't master Power Cranks without getting fancy! That, and I am a bit of a dandy...

ant1 said...

innerlighter, that's the ant motto. like boy scouts, it's not followed 100% of the time by all ants, but it is something we strive for.

Anonymous said...

spokes laced by vito

cunning linguist said...

Nothing brings one down like going to the fridge for celery and finding it all wilted. My holiday gift to you and a token of my gratitude for this wonderful blog: advice on how to revive it. Cut a little off the bottom and stand it up in a glass with some water (think fresh flowers). Wait a while. Voila! Works for broccoli too.

The party platter this tip saves may just be your own!

Anonymous said...

Damn crustaceanists, stay off my lawn!!!

bikesgonewild said...

...re: the lobster god...

...mmm, mmm, yum, yum...that looks like some good eatin' there...

Anonymous said...

Man, you put that bacon in broiler and it's crispy as fuck. Good choice.

JTK said...

one blog post, two twisted spoke sets. that's a strong ratio.

oh, and I found your Crustaceamas tree: http://www.topix.com/city/rockland-me/2009/12/rockland-maines-lobster-trap-christmas-tree-prettiest-tree

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, I am not feeling the lobster god, but I am digging the High Priestess. Do you happen to have her digits?

And here I thought "CC" referred to our own beloved Commie Canuck.

Lastly, when I looked at that picture, I saw a mankini, but I am now to understand that the photo depicts a "pair of brief." This left me unsure of where to look for the other brief in order to complete the pair.

Jefe said...

Hmmm. Lobster ... bacon? This cusine is not some weird protest to closing bike lanes in Williamsburg, is it?

Anne Hathaway said...

Who is John Galt?

ringcycles said...

When I atlast begin to understand your orno-theology, you renounce all that is poultry to worship a mere crustacean! Surely you must fear being boiled in bisque for this. I pray that you'll come home to roost. Happy Festivus.

esau bin necker said...

missed one becos you is culturally insensitive

them hasisim fellers they likes funny headgear and beards and they dont take no shit off of no wimen

any chance they is redneck or mooslims

SubComandante Sasquatch said...

All you sucka MCs can call me Santa!

Happy Festivus to all and to all a Good Ride!

sufferist said...

Festivus jumps the shark in it's own feat of strength.

Please when you gather around the aluminum pole this evening, be it in the adult entertainment section of your favorite establishment or the humble domestic pole, really rip it to those people that you have a grievance against. Otherwise the terrorists win.

Hope everyone has a great holiday season. If you are praising your Risen Savior, the one and only Lobster God (I'm just assuming), Ganesh or the fruit of your choice, remember to hold your friends and family close. They are the only people that can stand you and you need folks like that.

If you have not gone the friends and family route, just gather up all the toasters, blenders, espresso-machines, blinking black boxes you have in your house and roll around in a blanket of pictures of your last vacation to St. Moritz while playing Farmer-in-the-Dell on the empty bottle of Dom Perignon you just drank as you await your hooker.

Best of wishes to you and yours in the New Year.....


-Sufferist

hillbilly said...

Rock Lobster to you and Vito, have a great holiday everyone.

Anon 1:49 said...

CC could also sorta step in for the amount of blood that anyone who'd dare riding a Vitus, especially an old one, will need after the frame and fork start to magically seperate during a ride....

Brett Michaels said...

CC ... pick up that guitar and TALK to me.

Jason McDowell said...

The RadioShack "R" and the Rouleur "R" look awfully similar. I'm surprised Rapha wants to sit so close to the poor kids at the assembly.

S.K. said...

I've been good 8 Way Santa. Give the Wood Goblin some Jack Pepsi. I'm a Behemoth with God's Balls.

Anonymous said...

Lobster God? Just worship TAD!

Fierce Panties said...

Astroluc

You're still banned from the comment section until you submit your chammy from yesterdays sprint.

Fierce Panties said...

I don't even know who Anne Hathaway is? Has she been in anything that I've seen?

Anonymous said...

Hey Snobby,

From past references I thought I dug your musical tastes. Now I'm convinced.

8WAY SNTA

CommieCanuck said...

Nothing brings one down like going to the fridge for celery and finding it all wilted.

Nice euphemism!

Try a saddle with a cutout!

heath said...

maybe all the williamsburg kids who want to ride in their birthday suits should move to new zealand.

CommieCanuck said...

Anne Hathaway played the wife in "Brokeback Mountain" who drove Jake Gyllenhaal to gay sex in tents.

Thanks to her new cycling-related fame, she's marketing her own brand of fixies, decorated in the "Hathaway Colorway".

frilly said...

Mmmm, warm melted butter!

Did anyone read on CN about Astana at the TdF? Looks like that big Contador vs LA match-up might not happen after all.

Fierce Panties said...

I challenge question #5 because of answer B, A pair of brief. That makes no sense, the correct choice should be A pair of Fierce Panties.

I had to guess answer D: all of the above, which turned out to be the correct answer. I still think that it is totally unfair to have a pop quiz in the middle of the week. I was ill prepared and hope that it doesn't count toward the midterm grade.

PASS

Gods balls said...

I haven't read all of the comments so I apologize if someone else mentioned it. But I believe Tad/subpop was sued for using that cover as the people in it became born again Christians.

heath said...

frilly,

team astana just may be too dopey for the 2010 tour de france.

bikesgonewild said...

...as far as all the various "festivus" celebrations at this time of year based on what even the church admits is faulty info regarding the baby bejeezus, we true heathens celebrated monday's winter solstice...
...that brings up the fact that yesterday was the start of the days getting longer (yes !!!...fucking bonus !!!)...

...i came down to me that it was either dance naked in the woods (fuck a bunch a' naked bike lane protests) or go for a cyclo-cross bike ride in those same woods...fortunately, i chose the bike, if only to spare the locals who don't share my sense of priorities...

...i gloated & reveled in those extra 30 seconds of light, knowing full well that it only gets better from this point on...

...just sayin'...BWAHAHAHA-hahaha !!!...fade, cut...

Fierce Panties said...

Brokeback Mountain? Is that a sit-com? I've never seen it, and I don't own a TV.

I thought that the Hathawayway was a collection of driving techniques to help LA motorists share the road with fixters.

frilly said...

I'm thrilled to pieces that we're 30 seconds closer to spring. I've been using the spin bike at the gym in an effort to maintain some kind of fitness. Yesterday I wore regular gym shorts and today the nether regions are not happy.

Santa baby, how about a Cycle Ops?

Fierce Panties said...

Snob,
I want to learn more about the pincers of your faith sloth and cheese consumption. Do you eat the sloth with the cheese? I ask because that sounds like that would be a very delicious spiritual path.

Anonymous said...

wow! i did'nt know alberto contador played the elf in the Run-DMC video. guess he's lying about his age?

Fred said...

I will celebrate the season as Freds always have, by:
1. arraying candles and blinky lights about my portrait of Sheldon Brown
2. affixing tinsel with zip-ties to the pole of my safety flag
3. combing my beard for the New Year
4. trying a new brand of chain cleaner
5. applying new water-proofing to my Avocet touring shoes
6. making both my friends a large batch of my home-made powerbars (made from the bulk granola in the bin at the co-op and vegetarian bacon)

Happy Holidays all!

Anonymous said...

Excessive cheese consumption is kosher, but it must be Belgian cheese made by genuine cyclocrossdressers, crafted with their own mud-soiled hands (and feet)

OBEY
THE COW
GOD!

flynn said...

if I had the energy I'd start fancyriding.com and it would be HUGE

Your Rabbi said...

Snob, couldn't you at least pick a kosher false g-d to pray to?

bikesgonewild said...

...fred...

...as a serious roadie (amongst other things), i hope you realize i'm not allowed to nod or smile in passing but i do have a grudging appreciation for your style (or lack thereof)...

...just saying...

Jambo said...

Don't let that collectible Tad CD out of your sight--as "Gods balls" said, the band was forced to pull it because the couple in the found photo objected. Heavy, man. Beware the wood goblins! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DX0WiCJEnUA

leroy said...

BSNYC --

The Chicken God called.

He says your Lobster God is in hot water.

I think I'll get some BBQ sauce and melted butter and celebrate the holidays by watching them duke it out.

Seasoned greetings everyone!

Fred said...

Thanks, BGW. I have a similar grudging appreciation for my style.

True, the serious roadies who drop me don't smile, but they do snort, which I consider the roadie equivalent.

grog said...

Thank lobster it's um Wednesday. Happy Festivus.

kale said...

In the land of epic burritos for the holidays. It seems to keep the Left-Coast Freds off of my tire.

Meccanico di Veno said...

Nice Suzuki T500 Titan engine

Anonymous said...

Maybe Lance & AC can just duke it out like real men and away from all the hoopla & circumstance generated by the Tour.

Kinda like Balboa & Tommy Gunn did in that horrific & blood-soaked street brawl at the end of Rocky V. Or when Jack Tripper nearly kicked the fuckin' shit out of Larry for setting him up with that tramp down at the Regal Begal. Larry was such a dick.

rusty said...

I don't know which is more hideous the HED bike or the Sierra Nevada. What's with people?

Anonymous said...

I thought I should remind you that lazer turtles are great stocking stuffers

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ant1, did you have anything to do with the cancellation of the 2010 Tour de Georgia?

esau bin necker said...

yeah so me and rikim was thinking

rednecks wear basball caps like john deer and massy ferguson

hasidim wear them books on there heads

shit they can do whatever they wants its a free country for now

mooslims wear turbines

rikim called me a stoopid raghead and i busted out laffing becos i was wearing a rag at the time it was one of them confederate flag do rags

i died my santy claws hat green and put a half moon on it to honor all us mooslims

but billy bob said i looked like some kind of stoopid fucking harry potter wizard instead

what this hast to do with bikes i aint gots no ideal

so if it aint too cold tommorow me and rikim are going to ride our bikes and put bullet holes through all them damm inflatable santy claws

Anonymous said...

http://www.taddoyle.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=45&Itemid=53

I also recommend the bio doc if you can find it.

kerry said...

Ha! I dreamt of a Giant Lobster stalking me in my boat , the other night! Snobby, ooh cosmic!!( It was big, bright red and had a aggrieved expression on its face, kinda like Cadel when he gets the shits over losing.)

No! Not longer days! Sounds AWFUL to me. I mean , here in Oz( australia) we just throw stuff on the barby and watch it burst into flame- without adding charcoal. Dont need it, being about 100( 90 miles) km from the sun.

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mikeweb said...

Belated sneezuns greetings to all.

I'll try to not let the increase in daylight also increase my enjoyment of riding.

Behold the official emoticon of the roadie:

{:^|

Anonymous said...

happy holiday bsnyc and all. I will be heading down south to the great state of pennsyltucky to spend the holidays with my kinfolk, high on box wine and airplane glue.

Anonymous said...

Awwww.... I used to have a GT500....

Season's humbugs etc.

Hey nonny mouse

Fred said...

I tried to make a Fred emoticon, but, appropriately, it's not very good.

}:-)>>

gymnast900 said...

Rode my bike in the snow here in Tulsa. It was awesome. Thanks...

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bikesgonewild said...

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Anonymous said...

Well I assent to but I think the brief should acquire more info then it has.

Anonymous said...

when you make fun of bikes how do you decide what is stupid and what isn't?

Alareth said...

You bastard! You tricked me into looking at a picture of FAKE bacon.

I'm unclean ...

esau bin necker said...

me and rikim are thinking about on of them carnival cruises and we is worried about how to get them havaner seegars smuggled into the country so we kin smokes them at the hazard marathon gas station

billy bob tolt us that as long as we use our mooslim names aint no one gonna mess with us at customs

but if rikim goes by ricky tutweiller we is gonna be nailed for sure

ken e. said...

can't

ken e. said...

believe

ken e. said...

the epicosity of the burritos!!!

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