Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Riding High: Putting the "App" in "Appropriation"

(Paired spoke technology is the new pie plate.)

Recently, I received an email from a concerned reader informing me that the New York City Department of Transportation is planning to remove a whopping ("whopping" is an Old English world meaning "fourteen") fourteen (sorry for the redundancy) blocks of sweet, delicious bike lane from our streets. Furthermore, much of this bike laneage lies along Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. If you're unfamiliar with Williamsburg, it is the throbbing, cigarette-smoking, flannel-clad heart of the Great Hipster Silk Route, and Bedford Avenue is its aorta, or at least its superior vena cava, or whichever one is more likely to be lined with places to drink alcoholic beverages and buy overpriced furniture.

While I suppose I should be indignant, the truth is I feel conflicted. On one hand, as a cyclist I hate to see any bike lanes disappear. Even if they mostly just serve as places for delivery people and police to double-park, their presence is still reassuring, and losing one feels a bit like defeat. On the other hand, a big city like New York is constantly evolving, so it's reasonable to expect that the DOT is going to need to shuffle these things around from time to time. In this sense, losing a bike lane is like breaking a hundred dollar bill; you hate to do it, and you keep it in your wallet as long as possible, but sometimes you've just got to spend it, and in the end you at least get a bunch of smaller bills. Most importantly, the absence of a bike lane from Bedford Avenue doesn't mean you can't still ride your bike there, and as long as fixed-gears are in fashion there will be a steady procession of them on Bedford regardless of whether or not there's a picture of a bicycle painted on it.

I suppose I'd be more concerned if I hadn't recently encountered a new bike lane that nearly knocked me off my saddle. It just so happens that yesterday I found myself traveling the Great Hipster Silk Route when I came to a portion which is usually very treacherous. (If you're sojourned in Brooklyn for any length of time, you may know it as the section bookended by the entrance to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway and that spot in which a flock of Hasidim seem to wait eternally for the bus.) On many occasions I have wished fervently for a bi-directional, protected bike lane here. (Also, on one occasion I wished fervently for a shower when I slipped on and crashed in a patch of garbage water along this corridor.) Well, you can imagine my delight when I passed the flock of Hasidim, rounded the corner, and slotted right into my own little sheltered thoroughfare:

I'm not often moved by municipal matters, but I have to admit this new bike lane touched me in a way that only small animals, certain pieces of music, and, once, a rental tuxedo fitter who insisted it was an accident, have ever touched me before. It was like returning to your hotel room to find that they've not only made it up but also left your favorite meal on a tray and your favorite movie playing on the TV. (In my case those are Reese's Peanut Butter Cup omelettes and "Another Stakeout," respectively.) Even though it was December 1st, for one brief moment it felt like the first day of spring, and the city seemed like it was practically flowering with convenience.

If you're growing concerned at this point, rest assured that my bout of sentimentality was short-lived, and within moments my delight evaporated and I found myself suddenly and inexplicably enraged over the popularity of Stanley Tucci. (My waking hours consist mostly of stream-of-consciousness irritability.) Still, I think it's only natural to be affected emotionally by change. For example, I remember a time when "Bike Culture" was "Not 4 Sale," and using tall bikes in a store window display meant it would be vandalized:

(Photo by the inestimable "Sucka Pants")

Now, "bike culture" in the form of freak bikes is very much for sale. A number of readers inform me you will soon be able to download it onto your iPhone in the form of this tall bike jousting "app:"

The truth is that everything winds up for sale eventually--it's a law of physics. Also, as I've said before, "culture" now simply means "stuff you can buy," so it makes sense that "the international underground subculture of freak bicycle clubs" is becoming a video game. (Actually, I'm not sure if you'll actually have to pay for the "app," but even if it's free it exists to promote something salable.) None of this bothers me, and people should feel free to design whatever freak bike "apps" they want, but I do have a feeling that this guy would demand an explanation. Here's what Ryan Doyle, the creator of the "app," had to say to an "urban bike culture" blog:

Honestly I do not consider myself any sort of missionary of bike culture, nor do I try to lance my opinions or politics in anyone’s face. My goal is to create and cause communication, not whore out bicycle culture or sell tall bike jousting to the masses as a means of self gratification. I think riding a tall bike everyday in New York City has a greater cultural impact as it has a human to human interaction implied. I really love the responses that come from Bike Kill participants, or from Cutthroats’ Slaughterama, or Cyclecide’s Bike Rodeos, to me those are the inspirational events. I hope the bike building section and constant maintenance in the app inspire people to think about reusing materials and not contribute to our vast culture of waste. I am not looking forward to corporations eating up fringe bike culture and providing cheaply made foreign tall bikes at Walmart.

Doyle is correct to not consider himself a "missionary of bike culture"--that position belongs to David Byrne, and he promotes cycling not with tall bikes and outlandishness but by mixing it into a lukewarm, bland-tasting broth. At the same time, I also agree riding a tall bike in New York City has great cultural impact, and I think it's wonderful that having the courage to ride a bicycle that is a bit higher than normal is sufficient to qualify you as an instrument of change. Think of all the bloodshed that might have been averted if only, centuries ago, people had seized upon sitting up high as a mechanism for social transformation. Consider our own American Revolution. Instead of taking up arms, Washington and his men could simply have ridden around on horses that were standing on top of other horses. Surely the British would have relented before a single shot was fired.

What remains to be seen is if this "app" spells the end of the freak bike subculture, or if it does indeed inspire an entire generation to "not contribute to our vast culture of waste" by welding together pieces of that waste and having huge drunken parties. (While this particular subculture is apparently very conservation-minded, it's perfectly fine to waste tremendous amounts of time, the one resource which is definitely not renewable.) And even if the latter scenario does come to pass and the movement grows, it could all come crashing down when the new recruits literally come crashing down from atop their tall bikes and break their costly iPhones. This is already happening in the world of fixed-gears, as you can see from this Craigslist ad which was forwarded to me by a reader:


I fell off my Fixie and now i want to sell it... - $250 (Newport)
Date: 2009-11-30, 10:41AM PST
Reply to: sale-pejey-1488336907@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I bought a fixie about 6 months ago. I paid $440.00

I fell off it it last week and nearly killed my self.

I am done with my fixie. :)

It's in good condition because I barley rode it.

According to the guy who I bought it from, the frame is vintage and rare. I don't really know.

Here are the specs...

Wheels
Weinmann DP 18
700C X 18C/23C ETRTO 622 X 13
Aluminum Alloy 6061-T6 Double Wall Safety Line

Tires
Racelite B 700 X 25C Dual Compound
BountRager
25-622
Some kind of serial code... (C-1389A-2)

Seat
Black Leather San Marco
Rolls

Crankset
Takagi Tourney

Seat Tube Length = 52 cm
Top Tube Length - 53 cm
Forks = 100 mm

I seriously bought it for $440, and just want to get rid of it. I hope $250 is reasonable. If not, make me an offer...

You can bid by email, or by
the little google docs spreadsheet I made.



In addition to the overabundance of information regarding the rims and tires (the latter of which are made by "Bount Rager," which I believe was also the name of an old Australian "Lone Ranger" knockoff TV series), I'm also really "feeling" the spreadsheetway here:


Meanwhile, in Portland, a number of readers inform me that another fixed-gear rider is on the verge of defecting due to a lack of "valve covers:"

Need fixed gear valve covers (NoPo)
Date: 2009-12-01, 12:18PM PST
Reply to: [deleted]

I bought a fixed gear and i keep having to fill up the tires. It did not come with covers for the air valves so I need some because this is getting aggravating. I'd prefer some NJS covers but will consider anything good. Thanks


Between all the falling and air loss it seems that "alternative" cycling may be in serious trouble, and a total subcultural migration to the iPhone may be its only hope.

128 comments:

cyclist2 said...

podium

Anonymous said...

OH fuck yeah!

rezado said...

hi-rez

Rick Donkey said...

Dolphin photoshoot here I come!!!

Anonymous said...

Almost top 5 Hi Chad !

Anonymous said...

top 10 - E

streepo said...

Woot!!

Anonymous said...

Almost top 5 Hi Chad

Anonymous said...

RP Active top 10

Anonymous said...

top 10 -EC

streepo said...

"bout out sentimentality"?

What?

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd in advance
what is that elf gratification thing? I don't understand.
And regardless, you got a good fitting tuxedo, sport, so why muddy the waters with innuendo. It was an accident.

Anonymous said...

Fixed gear valve covers? Oh man.

Strayhorn said...

Bike culture? I'm only familiar with the culture on crotchtal pads that leads to saddle sores. You can put a little Borax in the wash to deal with that.

Otherwise, the guy with the Google Docs spreadsheet? Yeah, lame.

hillbilly said...

They make 100 dollar bills?

"bout out", is that like a shout out?

I'm glad somebody shared my enthusiasm for that new bike lane. I generally don't care all that much, but love that one, was only a matter of time before a minivan killed me on that stretch (although, now if you are going straight, cars REALLY don't look for you when they turn right)

rezado said...

GRBG JUCE

mikeweb said...

Get yer flower box outta my bike lane!

mikeweb said...

the real reason that dude fell off his fixie is because he barley rode it.

brewed and fermented barley, of course.

Anonymous said...

amt

Astroluc said...

I have seen the future of cycling... designer valve covers and saddle-less bikes.

But I actually saw a guy the other day that had an old quill stem attached to his seat post, and it seemed like it was there to act as a handle. Is this some new thing I have missed?

bikesgonewild said...

...lance armstrong might not go bike riding w/ me in the park but hey, i'll bet the weather is nicer out here...

...just sayin'...

OBA said...

I have a pair of Campagnolo NJS fixed-gear valve covers I bought second-hand from a wise old Japanese racer who said they were originally Fausto Coppi's and he used them when he beat Felice Gimondi and Boris Spassky to win the Italian NJS Championships in 1922 -- $200 plus shipping if you're interested

liz said...

I was really hoping for a recap of this:

lancearmstrong
Just finished a chilly ride in Central Park w/ BSNYC. about 21 hours ago from UberTwitter


and the reason the dude fell off his fixie is his knuckle tat got in the way

NOBR AKES

Chris said...

In some parts of the world, cyclists paint their own bike paths on the road as needed.

LoRoK said...

That NJS valve cover thing has got to be an intentional joke.

mikeweb said...

Snob,

I too discovered that new jersey-barriered stretch of bike lane at about 1:30 pm this past Friday. My favorite part is that they left the giant crater-esque potholes intact, so that the barrier forces cyclists into 'close combat' with the holes instead of being able to navigate around them. Luckily the 30 MPH headwind at the time slowed me down and allowed my 36h, 3 cross, double walled rim wheelset to maintain it's integrity.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Liz,

He already recapped it more succinctly than I ever could.

--RTMS

Sprocketboy said...

Why no love for Stanley Tucci? Man, he totally Pucked in "a Midsummer Night's Dream."

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, a beautiful peice of poerty today, even if inadvertent.

"...that spot in which a flock of Hasidim seem to wait eternally for the bus."

The bus is an obvious metaphor for the Mosiach, the Jewish Messiah descended directly from King David.

The Hasidim are hastening His arrival so that He will usher in a period of world peace.

This is deep stuff, indeed, for a cycling blog.Somebody really knows his Sanhedrin.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Wishiwasmerckx,

I'm deeply familar with Sanhedrin. That was Glenn Danzig's band after the Misfits.

--BSNYC

Udder said...

No wonder the guy selling the fixie fell off it. He states that he "barley" rode it. I think that's hipster-speak for beer or Olde English for whiskey (John Barleycorn).

Anonymous said...

I often enjoy the pseudo-intellectual / anti-intellectual play in this blog. You know, the "I hate intellectual hipster snobs but I'll say so while just referencing enough of their intellectual and cultural references to prove that I know more than them" attitude. That said, I find it funny and ridiculous that you actually took credit for being the first to come up with the idea that "culture" is just stuff you buy. This is exactly the stupid pseudo-intellectual kind of thing one hears in those hipster bars and coffee shops you make fun of! Theodor Adorno coined the term "culture industry" in 1944 to describe "your" incredible insight. And he wasn't even close to the first.

Udder said...

Anonymous at 1:20:

Chill out. Have some barley.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:20pm,

Where did I take credit for being the first to come up with that idea?

I was totally listening to Sanhedrin before anybody else, though.

--RTMS

kale said...

"It's hip, what's hip? When hip is just the norm."

-Digable Planets

philocyclist said...

I believe the group noun for Hasidim is a "black hat." As in, "... that spot in which a black hat of Hasidim seem to wait eternally for the bus."

rezado said...

how much do you love
animals
?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @1:20, you just did the same thing that you're criticizing BSNYC for. Interesting rhetorical tactic..."I hate when people do X, therefore, I will proceed to do X."

Racine accident lawyer said...

I kind of wish that I had a Iphone just so I could piss all the bike culture not for sale kids off.

hillbilly said...

Man, there are 71 members of Sanhedrin!?! That's what I call a big band! Epic, even.

Bad Lawyer said...

Valve covers are muy importante, you don't have your valve covers your expensive air might leak out. The other thing to b[ear] in mind is valve cover colourways.

kale said...

I'd prefer it if the city fixed that clusterfuck of asphalt, glass, and jersey barriers at the intersection of Flushing and Franklin.

bikesgonewild said...

...bsnyc/rtms...check out liz hatch's twitter...you get an honorable...

Dave said...

I think I know why the gentleman from Newport fell off his fixie.

He gave it away when he stated that he 'barley' rode it. I bet he was hopped up on PBRs.

Drinking and riding kills, or at least it kills the buzz.

Weil S. Ukah said...

Hey Snobby - thanks to you and LA for dragging my sorry ass around the south end of Central Park yesterday. I thought I recognized you guys but was too stuffed to actually use language at that moment. Recovered and yet I am as slow as ever. Must be the valve covers.

Dave said...

Sorry Udder I guess you beat me to the punchline.

Paul Bowen said...

I thought the fixed gear specific shirt and the 'fixie way to inflate your tyres' were neck and neck for the gold medal in fixie related dumb but then, Whoosh!, out of nowhere we have some guy wanting fixie specific dust caps. Genius, please let it not be a joke.

bikesgonewild said...

...rezado...the "richard gere" model comes w/ additional plug-in passageways "so your gerbil can get the full extent of his exercise format"...

Strayhorn said...

Anon 1:38 said: Interesting rhetorical tactic..."I hate when people do X, therefore, I will proceed to do X."

Those of us who have graded way too many comp lit papers know this as the "sophomore gambit."

And, yes, we do grade by throwing the papers down the stairs. The heaviest paper travels the most stairs and therefore gets the "A" - you don't think we read that drivel, did you?

Dave said...

And mikeweb beat us both. Maybe I should read everything before writing anything.

Anonymous said...

RE: "valve covers"

oh. my. god. *facepalm*

Anonymous said...

-VALV COVR-

Insert Name Here said...

Are the misleading photos of the Mark's Hollywood Work Out ad on the side supposed to be ironic since serious cyclists don't workout?

jolene said...

hey i done fergot it at the gas station agin when i was geten my scratchits but i done neided a pickemeuyp so i got a coppel bennies fer the trip to knoxvile nex week okay yall needs to stop brutilizing me with yer goddamn thoughts and shit hell when i was yenger i treted peeple with respec and dinnity like the good book says do undo ethers and shit

ant1 said...

nice beaver kale

Anonymous said...

Fixie douche bag

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/5760911/

SubComandante Sasquatch said...

On the West Coast autobus with Cadel...

Wondering, Snob, if you'll send your brother to meet Liz Hatch.

bk jimmy said...

Which statement best describes the structural integrity of that guy's fixie for sale?

a. The frame is vintage and rare

b. It was crashed last week

c. It's in good condition because he hardly rode it

d. All of the above

CommieCanuck said...

I tripped on the sidewalk, I'm selling my shoes.

Removing bike lanes.
Record gun sales.
F150 pickup record sales.
New war in Afghanistan.

America is back to normal.

"bout out sentimentality"?

should be "boot".

Mad Jack McMad said...

I always thought it was an "argument" of Hasidim.

CommieCanuck said...

rezado said...
how much do you love animals?


Didn't Richard Gere used to sell those with optional "exit tube"?

I heard about this place on the radio this morning.
(WARNING:not safe for work, or at least an hour after lunch)

"Your cosmetic vaginal surgery results are only as good as your surgeon's talent and artistic skills."

Obama said...

Commie-

Change*.

*brother, can you spare some?

Anonymous said...

Winter is coming, finally...

Anonymous said...

BIKE SNOB CULTURE IS NOT FOR SALE!

Strayhorn said...

The CommieCanuck said: New war in Afghanistan.

Naw, same ol' war. Don't be fooled by the advertising department.

/now with new power to get the greens out!

Anonymous said...

I think Black Label's real problem with Brooklyn Industries is that BLBC's level of innovation peaked in 2003 or so with jousting.

C'mon guys! come up with something even MORE underground than tall bikes. I suspect you're really just angry with yourselves for becoming so stale and boring!

mikeweb said...

Dave and Udder:

No worries, I didn't check first either (even in Snob's post).

I clicked with my fingers crossed. Must be why I'm gettin' the carp.

bgw:

You sir are on a roll. Nice rejoinder by Ms. Hatch as well about other bike-boobs.

mikeweb said...

BTW, I was in Hammerstein ballroom with about 2,000 other zombies last night and there wasn't a single fixed gear accident.

Harumph!

pompano[TC] said...

all you retailers, sell this culture.

pompano[TC] said...

all you retailers, sell this culture.

alexanderphilip said...

amazing!

rezado said...

speaking of greens
greens

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb...liz hatch is a pretty grounded chick, especially considering the fact that she knows she's gonna take flack for basically every move she makes...

...for every pat on the back there's gotta be a dozen jealous nay-sayers out there...& again, as a bike racer, it's not like she's making a fortune & can buy the insulation that rock or movie stars can afford...

...& speaking of "roll", i better get out for a ride before i gain any more rolls...

sufferist said...

pompano[TC]- so nice you said it twice....

g said...

is it telling the first thing I thought about the valve caps was "what a fucking idiot" and not that it was a joke?

grog said...

I accidently put helium valve covers where the air valve covers belong. The damn bike flew away.

sufferist said...

Well who was the idiot that actually sold him a bike without valve covers? I mean he should have been given the full presta-to-schrader adapter kit (front and rear, yes both are necessary (don't want to be caught on the "Ave" with just one adapter)), valve covers, those little silver disc screw-on type things that go at the bottom of the valve stem. This vendor should have his license pulled, or at least be severely admonished.

sufferist said...

Don't blame the victim!

g said...

I stand humbly corrected.

stevep33 said...

Darn, all my spare valve covers are for freewheeling only!

sufferist said...

stevep33- I think that if you make a customized modification that is solely focused on the look and style of the valve cover, it might be passable as a fixed-conversion. If you in addition, speak the word "curate" in one of it's proper conjugations when retelling the tale of all the money you spent on the customization (also, it apparently helps if you watched the customization happen), that will help to gain the necessary street cred that your freewheel valve covers need.

Udder said...

Dave wrote "And mikeweb beat us both (with barley typo). Maybe I should read everything before writing anything."

Me too, but if I had to apologize for copying, bad proof reading and fact checking, how would I make my living in advertising?

Anonymous said...

what's so wrong with NjS fixed gear valve covers?

I mean, if you have filled your NJS fixed gear tubes with your NJS fixed gear oxygen, you gotta ascertain your NJS street cred. Don't blow it.

esau bin necker said...

jolene its ok for you to come around the trailer dont be spooked by rikim and me talking about joining the tolly bon i heard the tolly bon is in pokee ston is like the nra is in kentucky cept we aint making you were no burka yet becos yor tits are so nice like that liz lady

biked said...

Hey Bikesnob,

I also haven been enjoying that bike lane, but did you notice it is a 2 way lane and in when going the opposite way you went it spits a biker out into oncoming traffic on Kent Ave, did the DOT now make some sort of salmon run? I have seen many confused bikers going the wrong way down Kent.

Reed Enwright said...

Valve cover guy should post his mechanical dilemma on bikeforum.org where equally stupid people can advise him to install his NJS covers with a torque wrench.

PANTS said...

Valve cover guy needs to go buy himself a lefthanded hammer and some black and white striped paint to do up his fixie.

d. fofonov said...

Rim jobs? Getting it yet?

Miss Grundy said...

The correct aggregate term for hasidim is "squabble."

Back to your work-books.

heath said...

AYHSMB!

Anonymous said...

Me, I'm having Sasha White make me some custom Vanilla valve covers. They're lugged and brazed. Waiting list is only three years, but they will be the envy of all who see them.

ken e. said...

almost fell for that...

APRO BRO,
FLAT TIRE
CMON 100!

Fierce Panties said...

Why are the tall bike guys always looking some fucking dirty. You never see a freakbiker wearing anything but grease stained denim and a t-shirt that doubles as a puke rag.

Anonymous said...

culture culture isn't for sale, but we will trade it for some scrapple.

leroy said...

Sometimes, the correct term for a flock of Hasidim is a minyan.

leroy said...

My valve covers ...

leroy said...

go to

leroy said...

eleven.

leroy said...

100!

bikesgonewild said...

...nice, leroy & i do so hate to play one-ups-man-ship BUT i'm prototyping a pair of titanium 12's...tolerances are tight but these beauties may be the valve covers of the future...

...i guarantee you i WILL be thorough in my extensive testing procedures...

ken e. said...

cue swearing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLHF5VxcEmg&feature=player_embedded

kerry said...

I don't get it. If his tires kept deflating, why didn't he get a pump? Anyone with half a brain KNOWS that tires need to be pumped up about every other ride.( or is that my missing valve cap?) Amazing.
Yeah,those tall riders look pretty yuck here in Oz too. Luckily, I'm usually going so fast, that the smell wont hit until I've passed.

coastiedouche said...

Good , One less fixie douche new jack poseur on the road.

Anonymous said...

http://isthisbikesnobnyc.blogspot.com

hank said...

switched to tubulars,flatted on my 1st ride yesterday-no valve covers either-tragic

mikeweb said...

biked:

The bike lane on Kent is actually a 2-way bike lane - a center line on it for pretty much the whole way.

In the parlance, this is known as a two-way salmon run.

mikeweb said...

-though there is a gap where a bike lane s/b

biked said...

Mikewebb

yeah the bike lane doesn't start up again until Division and Kent, So a rider is forced to ride against traffic(or on the sidewalk, or try and cross a 4 lane road) for about 5 blocks, very annoying.

Milwaukee bankruptcy lawyer said...

Still waiting for the "Recently realized my fix gear could not coast, now selling" post to hit craig's list.

Rael64 said...

I applaud those who search out valve covers and left-handed wrenches. I need to feel like Einstein sometimes. (obviously, I suffer from low self-esteem and fall down a lot, hence my single-speediness rather than fixie-ness, not that I don't still fall down...I must have pissed of Gravity in another life.)

Nonetheless, I wish the lad well.

Anonymous said...

Really? It comes with rolls?

Polka dot said...

Hey - why all the negative comments on the fixie douches? They're a great source of entertainment. My favorite is when they get all randy and try and race me over one of the bridges. Their innate arrogance means they have to lead, which is fine by me. Not only do I get a free ride, I always get to watch them completely blow-up 2/3's of the way up the climb. Like Colt 45, it works every time!

Udder said...

"Sometimes, the correct term for a flock of Hasidim is a minyan."

How about just saying a "bunch of Jews?"

The Pedal Project said...

These guys are mental and lucky for them the state run bounce house has closed it's doors in favor of societal reintegration. Good on ya mate for the article. (No crap for the slang)

Meccanico di Veno said...

Cutthroats and Cycleslaughterama were started by the same guy who started Zoobomb, in Portland.

Anonymous said...

crashing fixies make me smile...and laugh!!!

Iowa personal injury attorney said...

It's all fun and games until the mocking get mocked.

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lol said...

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