Friday BSNYC Pleasure Examination!

(via "Cycle Jerk")

If you follow either the BMX or fixed-gear freestyle scene, or you're a reader of blogs such as Prolly's, then in addition to having a vast sneaker collection you may be aware of a controversial post on BMX site "The Come Up" consisting of a dialogue between two BMX riders in which they discuss their hatred of "fixies" and specifically the "gheys" who do tricks on them. Naturally, this post has sent shockwaves through the flat brim cap-wearing world, and at this point the prospects of a giant BMX/Fixie "collabo" seems more distant than ever. If you're a concerned outsider like I am and you want to stay abreast of this important issue, yet you don't want to take the time to actually read about it, you can instead watch edited highlights from the anti-fixie dialogue in this dramatic re-enactment here:



Meanwhile, as if this weren't disturbing enough, a number of readers have informed me that in Philadelphia a political movement is awheel that would require cyclists to register their bicycles and obtain license plates for them. If you're a Philadelphian who's worried that a bicycle license plate will spoil the clean lines of your "fixie" or add unwanted grams to your crabon fiber dream bike, I urge you not to panic. Mandatory bicycle registration comes up in up in New York City periodically too, and while there is always a group of people who thinks it's a good idea, ultimately it never goes anywhere. In this sense, it's sort of like disc brakes on cyclocross bikes. And even if they do manage to pass it in Philadelphia, it will at least provide the opportunity for vanity plates, such as this one mocked up by a reader:
Sure, actually going brakeless might earn you a $1,000 fine, but that doesn't mean you can't have a brakeless license plate.

Finally, Jack Thurston of "The Bike Show" in London informs me that foppish Garmin-Slipstream director Jonathan Vaughters is now using his Twitter to agonize over the grammatical construction of his "Tweets:"

While Thurston points out that the original "is" is likely more correct, to me the glaring error is the final "ARE!!!" Clearly, Vaughters is trying to evoke the exclamation of a disconcerted pirate, and a more appropriate spelling would have been "Arrrgh!" In any case, fussing over the grammar of a "Tweet" is like truing the wheels of your Huffy to within a fraction of a millimeter, and I would advise Vaughters not to worry about it. I'd also advise him not to spend his free time sitting around reading his own Twitter, which is a highly depraved form of social media masturbation.

I am now pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a Hawaiian bike messenger gettin' it done with some jazz flute accompaniment.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you're in Philadelphia be sure your bicycle vanity plate matches your knuckle tattoos.

--BSNYC/RTMS

(Image by CommieCanuck)

1) According to his supporters, in France Greg LeMond is:

--A "folk hero"

--A "god"

--A "rock star"

--Bernard Hinault's addled co-host on the popular "Fou en le Matin" morning program

(Photo by billjank)

2) The "hipster" equivalent of the dropout safety tab is the:

--Derailleur

--Bottle opener

--Wine cork bar end plug

--Brooks saddle

"Some riders are clearly adepts, like the ones riding fixies — fixed, single-gear bikes. There goes one now — zooming past on yellow-walled tires, riding fully upright, texting with both hands on his iPhone as he goes."

3) Not everyone hates "fixies." Where did this lyrical scene take place?

--The campus of Stanford University

--The Google corporate campus

--Downtown Portland

--The first annual "Hipster Douche-In," a '60s-inspired "happening" in McCarren Park, Brooklyn

4) There is only one Lone Wolf.

--True

--False

5) Recumbent riders don't have tattoos.

--True

--False

6) Jared Leto's cycling experience is not only limited to video shoots and "tarck" bikes with freewheels. He also has experience:

--Riding hybrids

--Kneeling before hybrids

--Locking hybrids by just the front wheel

--All of the above

7) What is an "interrobang?"

--The hand gesture Alberto Contador makes after answering a question correctly

--The hand gesture Alberto Contador makes after asking someone else a question

--A combination question mark/exclamation point

--The technical term for asking your partner rhetorical questions during sex

***Special Over-The-Top-eBay-Themed Bonus Question***

Fyxomatosis.

--Oh no he didn't.
--Oh yes he did.