Friday, October 23, 2009


(Spotted by a reader in Salt Lake City)

Over the past few days or weeks or whatever it's been (my sense of time and space has become distorted ever since I rode over the Williamsburg Bridge yesterday) a number of readers have complained that my so-called "RSS feed" was displaying only the first paragraph of my posts instead of the "whole enchilada burrito." Well, this was not happening because I have some sort of malicious desire to inconvenience readers who choose to read via readers; instead, it was happening because I'm stupid and was having problems with my "feed," the solutions to which lay outside the feeble glow of my understanding. Consequently, I treated the problem like I treat all my problems: after spending four or five seconds on it and failing to solve it, I decided to ignore it in the hope it would go away.

Fortunately, one of the complainers also took the time to figure out my problem for me and tell me how to change it, and that whiny yet helpful person is "Bike Lemming." This is not the first thing Bike Lemming has done for me, either. Awhile back he also took the time to "curate" a couple of CDs and mail them to me:

Thank you, Bike Lemming, for all that you've done. I'll be in touch for help with that plumbing problem once the Department of Health lets me back inside.

KNEEDEEP Get your own knuckles at the knuckle tattoo gun.

INSEWAGE Get your own knuckles at the knuckle tattoo gun.

In the meantime, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you will know, and if you're wrong you will see the Fixed-Gear Apocalypse--French Canadian style.

Thanks very much for reading and for forwarding various bits of intelligence. Enjoy the weekend, descend carefully, and may your cycling exploits be as "epic" as your burritos.


1) The 2010 Amgen Tour of California route was unveiled yesterday by means of:

2) Alberto Contador may be abandoning his popular "fingerbang" salute. The Tour de France winner was recently spotted flashing which sign?

3) This fixed-gear recently completed:


4) Which fictional character was recently spotted cycling on the Williamsburg Bridge?

5) "Boutique novelty lubes: they're not just for intercourse anymore!" How much for a 4oz bottle of "Chain-L No. 5?"


6) In which city was this police bike spotted handcuffed outside of a pizza place?

--New York City

7) Given that the World's Greatest Madone is technically a road-to-hybrid conversion, this may very well be the World's Fastest Hybrid:


8) "Some things should go without saying." This weekend's race at the Encino Velodrome will be:

9) "Hipster" cyclists are now embracing leg-shaving (in their own unique way):

***Special Two-Part "My Brooklyn Neighborhood--Not Far From Where Jay-Z Grew Up" Prince-And-The-Pauper-Themed Bonus Question***

Whose background story is this?

Originally from Marcy Houses housing project in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn in New York City,________ was abandoned by his father and at 12 years old, he had shot his brother in the shoulder for stealing his jewelry. ________ attended Eli Whitney High School in Brooklyn, along with rapper AZ, until it was closed down. After that he attended George Westinghouse Information Technology High School in Downtown Brooklyn, which fellow rappers The Notorious B.I.G. and Busta Rhymes also attended, and Trenton Central High School in Trenton, New Jersey, but did not graduate. In his music he refers to having been involved in selling crack cocaine.

Whose background story is this?

He was born ________ on January 31, 1967 in Manhattan, the elder child of Elizabeth Frere and the late Robin C. Jones. His younger brother, Tobias Frere-Jones, is co-founder of the prominent typeface design company Hoefler & Frere-Jones, and is on the faculty of the Yale School of Art. Tobias and Alexander both legally changed their surnames from Jones to Frere-Jones in 1981.

He is a grandson of Alexander Stuart Frere-Reeves, the former chairman of the board of William Heinemann Ltd, the British publishing house, and a great-grandson of the novelist Edgar Wallace, who wrote many popular pulp novels, though he is best known for writing the story for the film King Kong. (C. Merrian Cooper wrote the screenplay.) A plaque honoring Edgar Wallace hangs on a wall in Fleet Street; in the eighties, an establishment called the Edgar Wallace Pub existed for several years. In 1983, Frere-Jones played Capulet in a St. Ann's production of "Romeo and Juliet" directed by Nancy Fales Garrett. Mia Sara played Juliet.



Fierce Panties said...


Bad Lawyer said...

2 days in a row

Bad Lawyer said...

close but no ceeegar

Anonymous said...

just missed

BadBeard said...

Friday Top Ten!

BadBeard said...


Klaus Mohn said...


wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten?

Anonymous said...

Top ten, didn't even read it.

First real comment.

Anonymous said...

"distorted ever I rode" s/b "distorted ever since I rode"?

Anonymous said...

Bad Lawyer? Not busy enough?

Nice podium.

red neckerson said...

you snooze you lose

Bad Lawyer said...

Bad Lawyers are never busy enough....mmmm burritos!

Astroluc said...

that "why I shaved my legs" blog has to be one of the thinnest attempts at masking gay porn I have ever seen...

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy..."

I MEAN, Kiss the Sky!

Gary said...

Too much Wednesday weed

johnhall4945 said...

I can understand why the climb up Mont Ventoux is considered an "epic" stage of the Tour de France. But why is it that nearly every cyclist that I know considers practically every cycling endeavor that they undertake to be "epic" in some manner? Is this practice akin to how pretty much anything being sold on ebay that is in used condition is touted as being "vintage"?

rezado said...

yo quiero mas burritos

thegock said...


Fierce Panties said...


Anonymous said...

though Sasha does bring up the great underrated Freddie Gibbs in his dumb article.

Fierce Panties said...

I'm glad to see the hipsters slayin' their fierce panties in the shower for an ironic shave. I remember when I was 5 wearing my underwear to take a bath.

rezado said...


Jeremy said...

thanks for the feed again

Anonymous said...

kin-sasha-frere-jones is a place, and it is epic

Anonymous said...

Perhaps this is a little esoteric, but did anyone else notice that the Ironman fixie was rocking the same rear wheel as the Specialized Langster NYC Taxicab edition?

Fierce Panties said...


Fierce Panties said...

I would like to thank Bad Lawyer who without his awesome support and strong stable pace I wouldn't be standing here on top of Friday's glorious podium! What a view! Look a that beautiful burrito! Fingerbang! Fingerbang!

mikeweb said...

Meh, home sick today...

Fierce Panties said...

But now it's time to raise the Nitto Technomic back to full mast. There's no other way for Epic digestion apres dejeuner.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Graceful I love Friday. Even if it is one is responsible to erect the function barrier.

That is a beautiful sentiment.


Anonymous said...

to anyone outside NYC, Manhattan is "not far" from Brooklyn.

dude on fixie averaged 14mph, then cranked out a 6.5 hour marathon. 16 total hours.

Anonymous said...

The FatCyclist and the BikeSnob on the same page in Bicycling Mag. I was afraid the page would explode or catch fire or something.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Frere-Jones has been full of shit his whole life. The baffling thing is that people have bought it.

CommieCanuck said...

Geez...Trek exhibitionist bondage porn. OOoooer.

That froggy vid is typical of the Montreal art scene. Les Heepstairs just take any activity and add "des mortes" to it.

Masterbation des mortes.

Anonymous said...

Who needs a lock??

Bad Lawyer said...

Fierce Panties, you can suck my tire anytime.

CommieCanuck said...

Mr. Frere-Jones has been full of shit his whole life. The baffling thing is that people have bought it.

There are many, many people in media that are simultaneously full of shit and have their heads up their asses .

This is a simple mechanical constipation.

hillbilly said...

think i'll start shaving from head to toe, including eyebrows and nosehair, just to be safe.

hillbilly said...

feel better mikeweb, ride safe yall and have a good weekend.

San Antonio Personal injury lawyer said...

Another Friday quiz come and gone, and why on earth would you ride a fixie in an iron man.

Visegripmikey said...

Uh oh, AC's got a new trick - Lance better watch out for where that thumb goes!

sufferist said...

The leg-shaving blog could use a Not Safe for Straight Guy Consumption at Work (NSFSGCAW). I had to click the back button, "tut sweet", for fear that my physical/amorous predilections would be associated with the content on the page. It's best to not initiate such misunderstandings.

Mr. Web: Are you home with an illness or are you longing to be at home?

San Antonio personal injury lawyer: you ride the Iron Man with a fixed gear to rub it in the face of all the multi-thousand dollar bikes that you are competing against. My only hope is that he did it in full Tweed kit. That would show them. It helps more to go fast on the bike, but finishing in-and-of-itself has some cache in the cafe that you regularly patronize. When you overhear a couple of riders rehashing their latest "epic" ride, you can look up from your copy of Architectural Digest and say, "Yeah well I did the IronMan on a fixed gear, beeotchez." A hush will fall over the cafe and you can return your periodical, flush with the pride of an uber-cyclist...

Anonymous said...

I know this crosses the hate line a little, but the guy who rode the madison in the ironman finished the 112 mile bike ride in 8 hours and change for an average speed of 14mph. On aerobars. With a $1000 front wheel. Pushing 46x18.

sufferist said...

Anon 3:12-that part will be excluded in the retelling of the account, or it will be explained by a blow-out, mechanical failure (harder to justify on a fixie though), crash (caused by another cyclist), etc...

See how it works?....

rezado said...


Your helper monkeys chinese, much like his karate, is poor.

grog said...

Good funk whiz today bsnyc.

kale said...

Is Sasha Frere-Jones the Robert Mackey of 2010?

Probably not, but I don't really associate with 'literary types' - there must be some sort of Isle of Pretentiousness that breeds these editorial masturbators, and a market to sup from the literary bukkake.

Salty Seattle said...

Vito has stepped up his game. Give that monkey a Cali burrito or something!

Hooray, epic!

CommieCanuck said...

I know this crosses the hate line a little, but the guy who rode the madison in the ironman finished the 112 mile bike ride in 8 hours and change for an average speed of 14mph. On aerobars. With a $1000 front wheel. Pushing 46x18.

Welcome. We actually encourage hate here, better if matched with bitterness.
14mph is for woosie. If I do a century with those specs, I'd better be over 80 and incontinent.

Mad Jack McMad said...

Ooo...that shaving photomontage has "no homo" written all over it.

Anonymous said...

who are the real bicycle insiders? you all seem to know.

eeeeeeeeee said...


Anonymous said...

I forgot to ask yesterday but it's been bothering me: what's wrong with putting your glasses under your helmet straps?

kale said...

Anon 4:09-

It makes it easier to take them off when you eat an epic burrito.

Luke said...

chain-l maker on prolly's blog:

"Since it has a perfume label, let's go with it and compare perfume at $90/.25oz to cologne which is far less expensive. Perfume is pure scent, so cologne which is mostly alcohol, isn't really a bargain after all."


I make the same shit from already overpriced Royal Purple gear oil (for your ep additives--other oils have them as well) and mineral spirits. $12 for 4 ounces, hahahahah.

Anonymous said...

Every time you put your glasses under your helmet straps it makes Frodo Evans cry.

That's why.

Anonymous said...


Salty Seattle said...

Off the subject a little. Hell, it's Friday, and I can't even see straight anymore.

Anyone in the testicular genitalway tried the SaxxApparel yet? Are they really that great? I figure cyclists know chafing better than anyone..


Moita said...

Most amazing of all is that the idiot is 42.

Anonymous said...

Ah, also a composite of Hipster High Road updates from the last week-

It's a difficult choice:

to pontoon at the apex of the Williamsburg bridge on the crossover (enabling you and your clones to serve out into rush hour commuters and presume no one is coming; presumption and self-importance being essential to fixters)


Make a Gap-ad posture with Fisher-Price colors at the base of the Manhattan side, whilst trying to look "hard".... tough choice.

The Manhattan base seems to be more popular, b/c more of the civilian populace can witness your existence, thus providing you with the acknowledgement of uniqueness you paid so much to attire. Uh, I mean acquire. Plus, if you're a city tough Lower-East-Sider, you don't have to use energy riding your bike to the top since you can just wait for your friends to come over from Williamsburg/Bushwick before pedaling slowly around the island.

Another common occurrence: The great commuting RACE-

The fixter (about 90% of the purveyors), a wannabe roadie on a Specialized, or dude on a shitty mountain bike pounding it out of the saddle, LAYING WASTE to the competition on the first half of the incline of the bridge, only to immediately slow after the turn. Then, when someone who's been pedaling a consistent speed passes them, they have to accelerate to once again, prove who's faster to a bunch of people just trying to get home or get to work.

The best is when the triumphant fixter is now riding no-hands in the middle of the lanes, panting and practicing his mad skillzzzzz. When you try to go around them, the result is like a startled squirrel routine, swerving back and forth. It's like they can't imagine that anyone is faster, even after they have slowed significantly. So odd. They have no perception that their "max" speed may just be slightly faster than a regular commuter's cruising speed.

The only thing I can rationalize is that , as BSNYC has stated, since the fixters have never seen the inside of a velodrome, this is their only venue. Their only opportunity to measure themselves. That's what's so delusional. They would get killed in a real track race, but they have their smugness arrogantly satisfied by a commute. Take it down a few notches, you suck terribly. It's okay. Just realize it.

jolene said...

time fer a busch lite it been a tuf week fer us underemployeds

Seanywonton said...


mikeweb said...

anon 4:49,



home ill and longing not to be.

Have a good safe weekend all.

frilly said...

Mmmmm, I like the Bike Lemming too, Snob.

If I had plumbing issues, he'd be one of the first on my list. Asscrack definitely allowed!

Anonymous said...

oh where are you going mikeweb, keep the comments flowing till monday.

Bike Lemming said...

Hey man, thanks for the link! I'm just ecstatic that I can read your fine blog in my reader again without "the man" keeping me down!

Isolation Helmet said...

I grew up just outside the projects in Brooklyn byo suburban NJ.

Fred said...

When I ride my 'bent in the summer, I usually shave my "treasure trail" just where it pokes out between my khakis and Bellweather jersey.

I mount a small solar cell behind the seat to keep my shaver charged for that purpose. En route shaving... just another advantage of the recumbent.

Bad Lawyer said...

Frilly says--

"Mmmmm, I like the Bike Lemming too, Snob.If I had plumbing issues, he'd be one of the first on my list. Asscrack definitely allowed!"

Frilly, you slut!

My professional opinion, mind you.

frilly said...

Mind yourself Bad Lawyer.

I think the feelings are not totally unrequited. I've been the inspiration (fodder) for one or two of the Lemming's previous posts.

Swashbuckling Dandy said...

Jeez, BL, Frilly is a tease, sure, but no need to make wild accusations.

belmont sledgehammer said...

I don't know how hilly the ironman course is, but assuming it's got a couple challenging climbs, that 14 mph average wouldn't really be so bad would it? I mean, with a 46/18, he'd undoubtedly be walking it up anything even remotely steep, thus driving the speed way down. Or maybe he'd be carrying it -- which then wouldn't register on his cpu, and so not affect his average speed at all.

I dunno -- I'm too lazy to actually look into it.

belmont sledgehammer said...

Oh yeah -- and the burrito tutorial freaking ruled. Is it true pizza wasn't invented in Italy? What about cheeseburgers, where were they invented? Potato salad?

Anonymous said...


I'd hate to see the fixters breaking an arm whilst patting themselves on the back for tackling the alpine hell that is the Williamsburg bridge. But...a couple of weeks ago I had one do the exact same thing. Speed by, then slow, thinking he had DROPPED the competition. I continued my normal commute pace, and after passing, he had to speed up again. As he passed he said,"man, you're making me work!". I didn't really know how to respond. I just shook my head. What world is he living in? Commuting isn't a race, and this isn't a tough climb....I'm all for a healthy ego and self confidence, but jeeeez. A little perspective maybe

Bad Lawyer said...

BSNYC says--

"Consequently, I treated the problem like I treat all my problems: after spending four or five seconds on it and failing to solve it, I decided to ignore it in the hope it would go away."

This is a brilliant restatement of the legal maxim: what the fuck! Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!

Anonymous said...

Simper Feh.

Asterisk said...

Anon @ 9:42,

It seems your fixter was playing the game with you. You would have cost him a ton of places in the food chain.


kfg said...

". . .assuming it's got a couple challenging climbs . . ."

It ain't billiard table flat, but basically; wrong assumption. The course goes between the mountains and otherwise follows the coast road. That doesn't mean it's easy, as the real obstacle is the ocean wind; wind that's got lots of what's called "scope."

"that 14 mph average wouldn't really be so bad would it?"

Yes, yes it would.

"I mean, with a 46/18. . ."

He would be 4" BELOW the MEDIUM gear limit. This happens to be my daily "putzing around" gear. His speed restriction would be his TOP speed, not his climbing speed. This would depend on how fast he could twiddle his feet down hill/wind. His AVERAGE cadence was a whopping - 70.

". . .he'd undoubtedly be walking it up anything even remotely steep . . ."

If he, ya know - sucks. No, I wouldn't want to ride that gear up Washington or Equinox, but any more typical mountain country course - that's a good gear.

"-- which then wouldn't register on his cpu"

Dude, they don't time races with rider cpus. They use this thing called a "watch."

"Is it true pizza wasn't invented in Italy?"

"Pizza" was invented in Italy. Stuff piled on top of a flat bread and called something else because they didn't speak Latin there was not. The Italian innovation was including tomato sauce in what was piled on top.

Anonymous said...

Ack -- ugh. Well, the Jay-Z issue -- the irony: he recently played tribute to the Beastie Boys whose members include Michael Diamond: a spoiled brat whose childhood home was adorned with Renoir, Giacometti, and ... well, you get the idea: daddy had bank and sent him to school with Snassha Snare Jones. Street cred!!!!

g said...

I can't imagine defending a tri-geek, but the fact that "This happens to be my daily "putzing around" gear." doesn't really take into account the 2.4 mile open-water swim and the 26.2 mile run to follow.
While it's stupid to do this sort of thing on fixed gear (using a hammer to tighten a nut), it's still kinda impressive.

Bad Lawyer said...

LA Road Rage update:,0,4840419.story

Jaminben said...

Im a steal myself one of dem pizza-cop bikes, meswears upon it!
fuck the philly po and free Mumia.

kfg said...


". . .doesn't really take into account the 2.4 mile open-water swim and the 26.2 mile run to follow."

Hey, I never said I could do it myself. :) I can double century in under 12, but I can't swim or run for shit.

I more than half expected the gentleman himself to show up and upbraid me on this point and was perfectly prepared to give him his props. He deserves them.

Still, I don't think it's any big secret here that most triatheletes could best improve their performance by learning to ride better.

Nor do I think it's stupid to ride fixed in a tri; I believe it would be my own choice; although the modern legality of drafting would cause me to consider the options. Perhaps a 3 speed fixed.

leroy said...

But seriously BSNYC, how do you really feel about Mr. Frere-Jones?

Clearly you were just using the Friday quiz as a teaching moment, distinguishing "nabe" from "hood."

Ride safe all!

leroy said...

Anon 4:49 --

You mean that was you?

Golly, I was just drafting you to stay warm.

Sorry. My bad.

Anonymous said...


You'll be warmer on an incline if you don't draft, get your heartrate up. Plus, it hasn't been that cold in NYC. Just sayin....also I think the point was that he wasn't going that fast. Just commuting.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Before this week, I did not know Sasha Frere-Jones from Adam's cat. On Friday, I accompanied my wife to a doctor's appointment. In the waiting room, I picked up a copy of the New Yorker and, sure enough, there was Sasha's article. It was unreadable. I gave up after 3 paragraphs.

red neckerson said...

adam dont have no cat but he had an off ox which i think he fucked whenever eve wasnt watching

jus when i think commie commie is a regular guy he disses rush and glen

they is the most popular halloween costumes in viper since they outlawed them illegal aliens costumes but i think they was funnier than shit

i didnt even know who beck was i figured he sang rockabilly or something until obamer threatened to cart him off to afganistan

now when he comes on me ricky jim bob billy bob joe bob and jolene start hollering GIT ER DONE

Asterisk said...


Hope your wife is OK.


bikramyoganj said...

bike on

Reed Enwright said...

Apparently RTMS riding apparel has crossover applications.

leroy said...

Anon 5:51 --

I was just teasing.

The Williamsburg was one of the few bridges I didn't cross last week. Thursday was so nice that I stretched the commute from Brooklyn to include the GWB.

Anonymous said...

this blog and the comments are similar to Stuff White People Like.

ant1 said...


Jen said...

95th! Raising the Red Lantern here in the Lone Star State after a long weekend at Austin Livestrong.

To everyone who showed the 爱情 for the Snob by during the "Ride with BSNYC" contest earlier this year: you helped Team Fatty 2009 bring in a record-breaking $770K+ in the fight against cancer.

Thank you.

Chicago Auto Insurance said...

Why on earth would you do an iron man on a fixie?

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