My Bike, It's Full of Stars! Every Material, Every Color, All the Time

Obviously, many cyclists these days get very excited about crabon fiber. However, there are some riders for whom crabon alone simply isn't enough. After all, when you're out there on your road bike, you want to be confident that yours is the most desirable bike out there. While crabon bikes sure are desirable, what happens if you run into somebody with a titanium bike, or a bike with "exquisite lugwork?" These things too are highly coveted, and the experience can be humbling. Sure, you may also have a titanium bike and an "exquisitely lugged" bike back home in the garage, but without a "My Other Two Road Bikes are Titanium and Exquisitely Lugged Respectively" bumper sticker or jersey how is anybody going to know it? That's why you need one of these:






Independent Fabrication xs, Titanium-Carbon Lugged Frame! - $5000 (Brooklyn)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2009-03-31, 12:08AM EDT

This is the real deal folks. A 100% true original work of art. Museum Quality, brand new condition Ultra Custom Independent Fabrication xs. Titanium Laser Cut Lugs, Carbon Fiber tubes, seat stays and fork.
This frame is truly a one of a kind gem. Hand built to ABSOLUTE perfection, by a former employee. Has been in ads for chris king. The paint job is not even available to customers and if it was it would be an up-charge of nearly $1000. Normally the fork and seat stays are not painted only the tubing, but ALL the carbon is painted on this frame with PPG clear coat with added purple iridescent flake, so it sparkles in the sun transitioning from purple to deep blue to silver. Quite a sight. Comes with the original paper work including in house build sheet. A true collectors item, honored and worshipped, given the treatment of the gods so it is in BRAND NEW condition
Now the specs...
This frame is built with compact geometry 48x53, for someone who would normally ride a 52x53
seat tube length 48cm
top tube: 53
head tube:121
Ht angle: 72
St angle: 73
tt angle: 5
wheelbase: 97.3
Standover: 76.4
Trail: 56.9
Chainstay: 410!!!

Here's the deal. NO LOOKILOOS, HAGGLERS, NON SERIOUS BUYERS. The asking price is $5500 or best REASONABLE and this frame in it's rarity alone is worth $7,000. Look at http://ifbikes.com/frames2/xs.shtml for more reference.
Sorry, the pink chris king head set does not come with the frame. You will the envy of all riding this ridiculous beauty around this spring!!

I have more images I can link you to. Good Luck.




Crabon? Not just carbon, but "purple iridescent flake" crabon. Titanium? Oh yeah--in fact, it's "museum quality," and as any frequenter of museums knows, all the great masters worked in crabon and titanium. Exquisitely lugged? Come on, didn't you read the ad? They're cut with lasers! Still, sometimes even a bike that's crabon, titanium, and exquisitely lugged by lasers all at the same time is still not enough. It needs a pedigree as well. Well, this frameset has that too, because it has been in ads for Chris King. Just imagine the thrill of riding around on your museum-quality sci-fi critanium dream bike and having some lesser cyclist on a plain crabon or ti or lugged bike approach you and ask, "Wow, is that the bike from that Chris King ad? I totally foffed off to that bike." Now that's cycling bliss.

But if you're the type of person who is prone to foffing off in the presence of lugwork, this seller wants you to know he's not running some kind of bicycle peep show or shady "lug and tug." As yo can see, he specifies "NO LOOKILOOS, HAGGLERS, NON SERIOUS BUYERS." So even if you're prepared to pay his full asking price but can't resist also asking if he's heard the one about the guy who walks into a bar with a metal box under one arm and a duck under the other, don't do it, because he'll boot you right out of there. Also, while "lookiloos" is slang for people who look without buying, the word originally referred to baby jackalopes:

(erik k)

That's probably not what he means, but still, if you have one of these you probably shouldn't bring it along.

And if you are sufficiently wealthy and serious and baby jackalope-free to actually acquire this frameset, the first thing you should to is purchase this saddle for it;


At first glance, the graphic on the saddle might look like flaming eyeballs, but anybody who's been to that nasty "Bodies" exhibition knows that they're actually disembodied testicles. I'm not sure why Troy Lee chose to emblazon a bicycle saddle with flaming disembodied testicles, but I guess it's either a placement guide, or else a veiled warning that this saddle is not comfortable. Or maybe flaming disembodies testicles are just the flaming dice of the new millennium.

Speaking of new trends, I have a very bad feeling that a new one is about to pounce like a rabid lookiloo. I recently received in the mail a catalog from a high-end clothing retailer (don't ask me where these things come from--junk mail is like herpes and I guess I must be promiscuous) and while thumbing through it I happened upon this:


Yes, that is somebody skating in a $1,520 designer helmet.

So why am I concerned? There are no bicycles involved, right? Well, just as I must have bought something somewhere with some credit card at some point and wound up with catalog herpes, fashion trends too are like STDs. This is a guy on a skateboard in a fashion retail catalog that also sells expensive jeans. And we know who draws much of their stylistic inspiration from skating and designers and retailers of overpriced trendy clothing. Yes, that's right--urban cyclists. From skating they've appropriated the sneakers and the cinematographic style, and from the world of fashion they've appropriated things like "lookbooks" and "colorways." So it's only a matter of time before someone else with catalog herpes happens upon this and starts marketing fashion helmets to urban cyclists. Look--here's another one:



And this one's $1,750.

With the world of bags and holsters and sneakers and hats and t-shirts already quite crowded, the helmet is the next logical step for trendification. Obviously, not all urban cyclists wear helmets, but many of them do. Even if they don't, they espouse helmet use when the subject comes up. In the fixed-gear world, brakes aren't cool, but helmets are, and here in New York I see brakeless helmeted riders all the time. Really, selling expensive fashion helmets to urban fixed-gear cyclists would be like shooting lookiloos in a laundry hamper. Anybody who can justify spending money on a cycling-specific utility belt or a $290 messenger bag "collabo" will certainly pay way more than that for a helmet, provided it's cool enough. After all, it's for safety, and you can't put a price on safety. (Unless that safety comes in the form of a brake, in which case you can't give it away.) Given the current trend climate of streetwear mixed with retro-chic, I'd imagine this helmet would be some updated take on the old hairnets. That way, they could also display their fitted caps underneath.

In the meantime, from the neck down, cycling fashion seems to have graduated from "colorways" to "color collisions." A number of readers forwarded me this, which comes from some kind of GQ fashion spread:


I'm glad to see some practicality finally coming to urban cycling fashion. As all cyclists know, it's extremely important to give your flaming pants yabbies plenty of breathing room. I'm assuming when it's time to actually get on the bike he just hikes the waist up to his armpits so the crotch doesn't get hung up on the nose of his saddle.

Here are some more hot looks. Actually, it looks like GQ have bypassed "color collisions" and gone straight to "color clusterfucks:"



Also, I'm assuming this photo shoot comes from Europe, so in this case it looks like the "color clusterfuck" look has bypassed the east coast of the United States and gone straight to Boise, Idaho:



Finally, speaking of trends, a reader has forwarded me this interview, which reveals that people are now actually asking their wheelbuilders to place messages on their rims for them:


Yes, putting words on your wheelset is now as integral to the wheelbuilding process as stress relieving.

AYHSMFDT.