Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Overwrought: It's Getting Complicated In Here

According to snippets of conversations I've overheard smarter people having (possibly while I was intoxicated), the universe is moving towards complexity. I'm not sure what that means in terms of physics, but if it has something to do with people needing ever-increasing amounts of crap it seems to be true as far as the universe of cycling is concerned. From the humble p-far to the OCLV ("Opulence-Corrupted Ludicrous Velo") we saw yesterday, cycling is clearly riding the long-travel downhill bike down the steep slope of Bloat Mountain.

And this isn't only true of the bicycles themselves. It's also true of the way people ride them. It's no longer just enough to get on your bike and go. You need goals, and you need an agenda. And most importantly, you need a coach. A reader recently forwarded me this article from the Los Angeles Times (Isn't that cute? LA has its own Times, just like a real city!) about how to "Bicycle Your Way To Fitness." Presumably, this is intended for novices, and it features bits of practical advice from a coach by the name of David Brinton, such as:

...set some goals, such as completing a race, or even one as grand as completing a "century," a 100-mile ride done in one day (there are races with shorter distances as well). That, Brinton says, has bragging rights, and it isn't as overwhelming as it sounds.

While completing a race or a century is a perfectly reasonable goal, the notion that completing a century comes with "bragging rights" is absurd. Riding 100 miles is simply not that big a deal. It's like bragging about sleeping for 10 hours instead of 8. Sure, you don't do it every day, but once in awhile you just feel like it and you have a little extra leisure time. By the way, the only difference between a century and a long ride is that you use a helmet mirror, a stem riser, and a dayglo vest on a century. Really, it's just like a regular ride, only dorkier.

Keep a training diary. "It gives you a reference of where you started and where you are today," Brinton says. "If you time yourself going up a hill at a particular heart rate, how do you know if you've improved if you haven't been logging it?"

Yes, it's absolutely vital to keep a training diary and to know whether or not you've improved. Actually, I apply this technique to every area of my life. For example, I also keep an eating diary. I mean, sometimes I have a sandwich for lunch and I think it's pretty good, but how do I know if it's as good as the sandwich I had yesterday? If every lunch isn't incrementally better than the previous one, then I'm just not eating productively. Life is meant to be improved upon, not enjoyed. By the way, the diary approach also works great for sexual encounters, nights out with friends, and even watching your favorite TV show!

Do a one- to two-hour ride at a sustainable pace on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday, with a longer ride on Saturday. Whenever possible, try to pick safe roads with few lights and stop signs. If none are close, you may have to drive to a better location.

Wait, I got into cycling because I wanted to ride my bike. Now I've got to drive? If my goal is to get fit, why don't I just ride to the better roads? Surely that will help. I suppose I should also lose ten pounds, but if that's too difficult at my current weight I should first gain ten pounds.

The major goals of these two weeks are learning how to ride at a consistent pace, getting the body used to constant pedaling, and maintaining a steady heart rate. You should be breathing hard, but able to sustain a conversation, talking in brief sentences.

You need more than one person to have a conversation. If I had someone to ride with I wouldn't need a coach.

Determining your lactate threshold will help set up various training zone levels, useful in building cardiovascular endurance, and in establishing when recovery time is needed.

I agree that knowing your lactate threshold is absolutely vital. It's simply not enough to listen to your body. Sure, it will tell you when you're too tired or you can't go any faster, but how can you believe it without establishing a threshold? I've also established a "bathroom threshold" so I know when to relieve myself. If you break the seal too soon, you won't build up the necessary endurance, yet if you wait too long, you might have an accident. That's probably the best part about having a coach--it's like reliving toilet training.

If maintaining this level becomes difficult, it could be an indication of overtraining.

Translation: "You're tired. Take a rest. That'll be $500." For an extra $100 will he tell me when it's bedtime? For an extra $200 will he tuck me in and read to me from my favoritest story in the whole wide world, Lance Armstrong's "It's Not About The Bike"?

During these weeks, Brinton suggests concentrating on pedaling mechanics. Instead of mashing down on the pedals and generating power just on the down stroke, think about the muscles you're using throughout the 360-degree range of motion. Thinking of the circle as a clock, from about 4 to 8 focus on the hamstrings; from about 7 to 12 the hip flexors, and from about 10 to 2 the quadriceps. Becoming a more proficient peddler will eventually increase speed.

Pedaling technique is extremely important--especially when you're using plastic pedals with no toe clips, like most novice cyclists. Actually, people used to ride fixed-gears in order to improve their pedal strokes--that is, until the fixters proved you can pedal just as badly with a fixed-gear as you can with a freehub.

For more information on Brinton, go to www.ridingtowin.com.

Intrigued, I did go to ridingtowin.com. (I'm guessing that means "Riding Towin," which is a town in Liberia and presumably a good place to train.) However, I totally glossed over Brinton's race results, because my eyes were immediately drawn to this:


Now this was interesting. This guy taught Kevin Costner how to ride for "American Flyers," and also did Kevin Bacon's "Quicksilver" stunts! He's also a stuntman! While I may not need someone to tell me how and when to ride my bike, I am extremely interested in learning how to be a stuntman. It's one of the items in my "Queue of Dreams." Sure, I'll never ride in the Tour de France, but I might get paid $50 to crash my bike on a TV pilot or something. I then checked out his stunt resume:



I was fascinated to learn that Brinton had done "roller blade stunts" in "Exit to Eden," which was that move with Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Aykroyd. Now, I've never seen the movie, so I don't know if there are actually Rollerblade stunts in it. It could just be that Brinton was the only person with the fortitude to get close enough to O'Donnell while she was in costume on the set:


He probably used the Rollerblades so he wouldn't have to stay close to her for very long. I can imagine him zipping by and handing her a coffee without stopping, and I suppose Rollerblading while holding hot coffee qualifies as a stunt according to the Screen Actors' Guild.

By the way, I saw a Rollerblade commuter this very morning, though at first I thought he was just scuba diving to Popeye's:


In any case, in addition to the "East of Eden" gig, Brinton has stunt-doubled for Paul Reiser (I guess he had to kiss Helen Hunt in "Mad About You"), David Arquette (in the short-lived "Double Rush" messenger sitcom, which sounds fake but isn't), and of course Kevin Bacon:



Speaking of Kevin Bacon, he was among the many people who were bilked out of their fortunes by that Bernie Madoff guy. This is tragic, and frankly I'm highly disappointed in the messenger community for not coming to his aid and rallying behind him. As an actor, Kevin Bacon did for messengers with "Quicksilver" what Tom Hanks did for AIDS patients with "Philadelphia," or what Tom Hanks did for war veterans with "Saving Private Ryan," or what Tom Hanks did for cops with slobbering canine partners with "Turner and Hooch." You'd think the very least the messenger community could do would be to organize an alleycat and donate the proceeds to the Bacons. But no. Instead, they're doing stuff like this:


It's worth noting that alleycats are becoming increasingly high-concept these days. Like everything else, I guess they're moving towards complexity. (Personally, I suspect that this one may be a Ponzi scheme.) Just like it's not enough to ride your road bike without having a "goal," it's not enough to put on an alleycat without a pop culture theme, or a gambling element, or a scavenger hunt involving dead animals. But this is hardly surprising. As alleycats become increasingly popular the organizers have to try harder to differentiate themselves.

That's why I'm putting on my own alleycat. For my pop culture theme, I've chosen "The Jeffersons":


And rest assured, this is no ordinary alleycat. Maybe a single-day event is enough to satisfy the softcore interloper or the lifestyle daytripper, but mine is going to be fully immersive:


Yes, the "Movin' On Up" alleycat will be all about pulling yourself up by your Sidi straps. (For the full effect, read the flyer while listening to this.) Also, there will be a trackstand competition afterwards. Location TBD, though it will probably be at the Hamptons home of the winner.

In the meantime, though, times are tough. So tough, in fact, that people are making Gatorade bottle fenders, as you can see in this photo from San Francisco, forwarded by a reader:



I've heard of making fenders from milk jugs, but that usually involves cutting them. This seems to be an intact bottle. I'm not sure what the motivation is here, but it is certainly innovative. Perhaps the rider takes advantage of its liquid hauling capacity, like a little mini tanker. Or perhaps he's participating in some kind of "loose change" alleycat and he's got to fill it with pennies, just like a trick-or-treater with a UNICEF box. Maybe this is the Kevin Bacon benefit alleycat.

Finally--a simple solution to a complex problem.

189 comments:

Daddo said...

winnah!

Daddo said...

placah!

Daddo said...

showah!

Anonymous said...

WOO

Anonymous said...

it's back

LaredoShane said...

TOP TEN

Anonymous said...

I should get a top 10 jersey anyway.

LaredoShane said...

TOP TEN

Anonymous said...

top 10 first time.

Anonymous said...

Ironic west-coast top 10!

Anonymous said...

Hey, where's the NSFW disclaimer on that Rosie O'D. fem dom shot?? come on snob, I almost got fired just now.

Anonymous said...

Aren't hydration packs also required on centuries?

fish breath said...

I'll loan the babe my bike but she'll need to put on more clothes, maybe wool, too.

Anonymous said...

its true - riding a century isn't that hard. like anything else, you just start early and keep going.

Mental Yentl said...

Trainer schmainer. Ride deh bike. Such nonsense. And such a nice couple, those Jeffersons. And I bet dey don't have any tattoos. Even if dey did, such nice people. But Rosie...get some clothes on. Did your mother raise you dat vay?

Oysh.

Bill said...

i'm concerned that i may have read that at too low a cadence

streepo said...

top 20

GenghisKhan said...

The intact bottle is like nitrous oxide for your car engine. Fill it up with Pepsi, drop a handful of Mentos and hold on, 'cuz the acceleration'll be a kicker. NOTE: this technique has recently been banned for most sanctioned alleycat races.

Daddo said...

After riding my new touring bike for over a year averaging 100+ miles weekly, I began to develop pain between my shoulder blades with occasional numbness in my lower arms and hands. I wanted to raise my handlebars up to relieve pressure on my back/shoulders, but the threadless type stem didn't allow for any more height. I discovered the Delta riser at REIs website and then rode my bike out to Redmond, WA store, purchased and mounted it at the store. I set it up so the handlebar was level with my saddle. On my 16 mile ride back home, pain/pressure disappeared immediately. Highly recommend it.

I commute to work almost every day on a mountain bike and I always wished my handlebars were just a tad higher to take some pressure off of my wrists, arms and back and so I could sit a little more upright in the saddle. I was looking at changing out the stem but I saw this Delta stem raiser and figured I would give it a try. It was very easy to install and it does exactly what I hoped it would. Now my commute is much more comfortable! It looks a bit odd the first few times you look at your bike, but I will sacrifice looks for comfort.

Anonymous said...

Life is meant to be improved upon, not enjoyed.

This made me cry.

streepo said...

In honor of yesterday's Madone and the Jeffersons:

HIGH RISE

BaltimoreBicycleWorks said...

I heard Bernie Madoff has boxed up several TREK madones equiped with Zipps and sent them to friends and family.

... I also heard he was planning some new ponzi scheme based on overpriced pistas being sold on Craigslists.

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Dick Cheney Jr. said...

Wait a minute, I thought the fixed-gear phenomenon was part of a return to simplicity. Like gears are too complex, right? Make your journal entries real short with simple words.

Toxteth said...

I was told there would be no math..?

grog said...

Funny.
Life in LA is not like life in NY.

Did you see the bit in today's Times? *the real times* Under Science/Environment: Bicycle Caucus.
If you think Hollywood hacks can screwup biking, then wait and see what Congress can do with it.

Anonymous said...

Fixed gear culture will officially jump the shark when a "Alleycatz - the game" is made by Rockstar. You already know what the gameplay will be like - somebody make it already and get this over with.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

brettok said...

Indeed "life is meant to be improved upon, not enjoyed", otherwise the PodiumTards wouldn't even come to this blog (because I'm sure none of them read it).

Anonymous said...

I always thought it was creepy in Mad About You the way, when they kissed Paul would hold Helen's head in both hands - I now realize it was to mask the edit when the stunt kisser came in.

thanks for clarifying.

JAT in Seattle

libertyonbikes! said...

wow, that guy is like the bicycle
version of Colt Seevers from The Fall Guy! someone should do a movie about him. his work in Quicksilver is insiprational and set about this great movement with fixed gears & bicycle messenger copying, wait. no it didn't. never mind. now i'm gonna have The Fall Guy theme song stuck in my head imagining all the stunts this guys done to bring cycling the attention it deserves.

Daddo said...

of course the podium tards read the blog, brettok...I bet some of them even know what RTMS means!

Anonymous said...

i usually enjoy the snob's vitriol but can't get behind it today. if the article recommended a carbon fiber frame for a first-timer, that would make for an appropriate ridicule target but really, those are pretty good tidbits of advice for an adult new to cycling or just trying to get fit again. i rode my first 100+ mile day decades ago but get real - 5 or more hours (7+ for a new cyclist) of continuous physical effort is significant and a worthy goal. for anybody. check out the road to paris documentary- lance talks about other pros balking at back-to-back 5-6 hour rides.

Anonymous said...

Complicated! What's complicated! Bunch of wankers -- this 'goal' silliness affects everything, seems, in cycling these days. Look what it's done to poor old Cycling+ (UK mag). Used to be a good read/lots of general interest stuff/now just another rag full of bike porn surrounded by recycled garbage with the usual (read 'Bicycling') titles ('Get Lean'; 'Be a Winter Hard Man'; 'Ride Your Bike a Long Way [oops, sorry, I mean 'Ride A Sportive This Summer') blah blah

Anonymous said...

"scuba diving to popeye's" killed me.

i actually laughed aloud again just typing it.

Anonymous said...

snob, that gator aid bottle is cut in half down the center. The two half's are and fasten to themselves in the center.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:28pm,

I certainly see your point, though I meant more to ridicule the notion of saddling novice cyclists with this sort of information. If you're relatively new to cycling, the very act of cycling for pleasure is going to increase your fitness. Goals can wait (or need never come at all). I'm not sure someone who doesn't yet know where the good cycling roads are in their area (or who needs to drive to them) should be worrying about lactate threshold quite yet.

--BSNYC

worm irks said...

Anon 1:28

A chacun son goo, I say.

The advice might be good for someone too timid to step out and try something for him/herself, and who also has a psychological need to quantify any new experience. All it would do for me is make me think the guy is a weenie and/or that the activity in question is the domain of weenies.

I'd send the follower of such advice for therapy before letting him ride. But that's just me.

BikeLemming said...

This is classic BikeSnob, beautiful!

shmaltz herring said...

I like how Brinton's training program is designed to "avoid beginner burnout." I got burned out just reading the article. Maybe riding a bike isn't for me after all.

Anonymous said...

get real man! riding a bicycle shouldn't be about setting goals just so you can fail or overcome. A true blue blood cyclist is someone who drives a car if it is absolutely necessary.

David Brinton said...

Don't hate the player, hate the balls you suck.

ant1 said...

good one Brinton!

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU FOR DISCUSSING KEVIN BACON IN QUICKSILVER

also, the movin' on up alleycat sounds great

see you 2015

Anonymous said...

Ant1, I hate to accuse you of every crime committed in Atlanta, but that having been said, can you account for your whereabouts at the time that Jimmy and Rosalind Carter's bikes went missing?

Anonymous said...

Brettok, I am a PodiumTard and I do read it. I resemble that remark.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Snobbie/Snobby/BSNYC/RTMS/et al-

It is through the daily perusal of your musings that I have come to reclaim the joy in what was becoming more like work. Granted, I hate myself at some level and wish to crush my internal penny-ante child for getting dropped, again. But I digress, your words of wisdom are often on my mind whilst I navigate from here to there and back again.

Much love to you......

innerlight said...

...but what if I'm not lactating?

Can I still ride a century?



meh.

innerlight said...

@ Mental Yentl,

is Oysh Yiddish for meh?




meh.


...or oysh, where appropriate.

red neckerson said...

me and ricky and the boys gots a simple approch to biking

if you start to throw up stop or slow down

if you get tired, quit

at the end of each ride, drink 3 or 4 pbrs

this would embarass ricky but i seen him endo so bad not long ago that the local soil and agraculture agency was going to take samples from his nose what was left of it

i guess there are some people who worry about if they can wipe there ass just as well with there left hand as with there right

and you kin pick yor nose just as well with yor little finger as you kin with yor thumb

remember that before you start strutting yor junk

Mental Yentl said...

Innerlight:

"Oysh" is a distant relative of "Oy vey" with an "sh" on deh end so you can add vatever you vant afteh deh sh part. Such words you're thinking...oysh.

It is verry close to "meh", which is a distant cousin of "feh".

Tenks you for leesenink.

Strayhorn said...

The guys with the training books remind me of the guys who go to ballgames to keep stats. It seems to miss the point, but as long as they are enjoying themselves and not annoying me, no worries.

The actual point of a baseball game is the same as cycling - drinking beer and looking like a fool in public. At baseball games you can wear ugly T-shirts and stupid hats. While cycling you can wear jerseys in colors not found in nature and helmets that look like you have a melon on your head.

The beer's the same though. Fortunately. Life is indeed already too complex.

Critical Ass said...

"Century" = 100 miles in a Primal Cookie Monster jersey.

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ant1 said...

Anonymous Accuser - Well, the bikes were stolen on the 2nd of January, according to the AJC. I was in Amsterdam that morning, left for Paris around noon local time (6am over here), and got there around 4pm (10am here). Since you all care so much, I'll go into more detail. The train from the dam to paris was a very wednesday-esque experience. Once in paris my cousin picked me up at the train station and gave me a ride back to his place. We went out and got some beers, then some sushi, then had some wine with some old friends. Passed out on the couch around 1am (7pm here) and woke up the next morning around 9.

AIRT IGHT

On an unrelated note, a friend of mine has a couple nice cruiser bikes for sale. Nothing special, just a pratical his and hers set.

Ka_Jun said...

Holy shit, Pacific Blue and Pee Wee's Big Adventure?!?! Dude's my hero.

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

Why BSNYC, I'm surpirsed you missed the real difference between a Century and a long ride.

Those differences are as plain as the face under my nose.

On the Century, there will always be a place to take on/offload water and food.

And usually there's a T-Shirt.

Never underestimate the attraction of a good lounging smock.

And in these trying times, when even celebrities are losing their shirts, it's good to have a spare.

Anonymous said...

worm irks, that's gout, not 'goo'.

and that OCLV from yesterday must be a joke. someone put it together specifically for the purpose of being praised by BSNYC - it's just too wonderfully perfect to be true.

Jim said...

"Excuse me sir. Do you have any idea what you were doing back there?"

[. . . ]

"No? You don't? Well, ever heard of a thing called the Second Law of Thermodynamics?"

[. . . ]

"Yeah. Didn't think so. When you said 'Like everything else, I guess they're moving towards complexity' you broke the law. Got anything to say about that?"

[. . .]

"What? You've never heard of the law? What are you, some sociology major or something?"

[. . .]

"Figures. Look. In any finite system, thermodynamic entropy tends to increase over time, approaching a maximum value, or equilibrium."

[. . .]

"No, equilibrium. Librium is the psychotropic drug your girlfriend is probably on to put up with a meathead like you. What it means is that, like Chinua Achebe said, things fall apart. To the extent things appear to be getting more complex, it's an illusion, strictly occuring in localized systems. 'Everything else' can't be getting more complex, because the overall system is getting less complex and energetic over time. To the extent you're making it more complex than it has to be, you're fucking it all up. Clear?"

[. . .]

"I didn't think you'd get it. Well, I'm going to let you off with a warning anyhow. Don't let me catch you around here violating the laws of thermodynamics. And don't give me none of that postmodern relativity crap, neither."

[. . .]

"You're welcome. Now scram before my partner, Sargeant Heisenberg gets here. He hates violators."

[. . .]

"Oh, he'll be here alright. I know he's on the road from the precinct, I just don't know how fast he's going. You'd better move along now."

Anonymous said...

Paragraph 2, Ln 6 Bicyle = Bicycle

Anonymous said...

way off on the baseball scoring analogy. that's old school in the best of ways, you can tell everything from a game just by a scorecard, that is not analogous to lactate thresholds, etc. people who keep score are almost always very passionate and knowledgeable fans, not poseurs who get a trainer to help them.

red neckerson said...

i say we get some money and buy these celebrety fellers some snuggies

ricky bought one and says he can drink beer and stay warm at the same time

me and billy bob beat the shit out of him because he deserved it then i stolt rickys snuggie and wore it myself

it just kind of smelled like beer and shit

Doctor said...

" to the east siiiiiiiide"

PodiumTard said...

I read it. BTW, brettok, RTMS stands for Rip T... M.. S...

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Top 70!!

leroy said...

Who would have thunk that BSNYC could inspire such greatness in the comments section today?

Strayhorn's comparison of baseball and cycling is genius; simple, yet true. The parallels are eerie.

Innerlight's query is no less important. The answer, of course, Innerlight is that yes, yes you can do a Century even if you are not lactating. BSNYC's point is that it's just not the thing for the lactate intolerant.

Bill -- I too read the post at too low of a cadence. But I have an excuse no professional tainer can gainsay. This morning, I sprained my lip reading the ingredients on a Ramen noodle package.

GenghisKhan -- I am so going to dominate the next Gimbel's ride with your NO2 suggestion. Or at least have some fun with anyone foolish enough to draft me.

Critical Ass: Why yes, yes, I have seen this 100 miles in a Cookie Monster Primal Jersey phenomena of which you speak. It scares me.

And who could fail to be charmed by Mr. Neckerson's colorful analysis of the digits that can be placed in his friend Ricky's nasal passages?

I am honored just trying to hang on to the pack.

Shram said...

Anyone seen this story on adbusters? Apparently hipsters and fixsters are one and the same--and all tired out.

"marketers and party-promoters get paid to co-opt youth culture and then re-sell it back at a profit. In the end, hipsters are sold what they think they invent and are spoon-fed their pre-packaged cultural livelihood."....ouch.

Can anyone say 'Scattante Courier'?

It's pathetic and true, though I think the argument falls apart by the end of the article. Fingerpointing and calling each other posers has been around forever.

leroy said...

And of course, I have no idea what Jim is talking about.

ant1 said...

That was a good comment Jim. We were just discussing a little Heisenberg in the meeting I just got out of. That dude is always relevant, somehow.

Anonymous said...

""This obsession with “street-cred” reaches its apex of absurdity as hipsters have recently and wholeheartedly adopted the fixed-gear bike as the only acceptable form of transportation – only to have brakes installed on a piece of machinery that is defined by its lack thereof.""

Whoa, gaffe...

Awesome Sound said...

FIRST!!!!!

Eat it, bitches!

T. McKay Battles said...

Shram,

I have read that article it was pretty brilliant. Though, the study of cultural theory lends that the commoditization of subcultures (lest I refer to fixters as a "counter culture") is inevitable, and not quite as melodramatic or as much a cause for finger pointing as adbusters seems to want to direct at hipsters.

and,

ant1,

I live in atlanta too (I didn't steal the bikes either, though I don't have the airtight alibi.) spend any time on the silver comet?

Jim said...

Why thank you Ant1. I knew that'd be a bit arcane but still thought it was worthwhile, since if we're getting more complex, somebody somewhere is getting simpler. Or cooler anyhow.

Yeah, Heisenberg is cool. But I think I'd rather hang out with Schroedinger's cat.

Anonymous said...

Adbusters = the Pista of magazines.

Anonymous said...

Or the Triathelete's Brownian motion.

Anonymous said...

if you have tattoos you're so dumb. we all hate you.

Anonymous said...

spending time on the silver comet sounds dirty

Anonymous said...

So I'll be first to cop to having a coach. I think of it as paying someone to care.

ant1 said...

T. McKay - my friends and I refer to it as the silver coffin trail. I did ride it a couple times. It's not so bad when you get far enough towards alabama and away from the all the families and budding tirathletes using the trail. Apart from the various muggings out there, a friend of mine was riding along and a 6 yr old on a bike decided to cut right across the trail. Buddy got a new bike and a couple weeks of rest. I do most of my road riding in the emory/decatur area. I'll do the decatur to stone mountain thing on the weekends, and sometimes ride out of loganville with a local bike shop. That's definitely the best riding around. Not too many cars, some nice hills, and no amateurs. Silk sheets is worth checking out also (5-10 miles south of 20 on fulton industrial). It's a triathlete training ground, but the ride (35 or 70 miles) is pretty sweet and there's very few cars.

worm irks said...

Mais non!

C'est du vrai bon goo.

Anonymous said...

http://i61.servimg.com/u/f61/13/41/64/50/mahoga10.jpg

L to tha ast said...

oh c'mon, could you at least sepia tone Rosie, or photoshop a shirt on her or something?

this is embarrassing, I feel like Andy Samberg at the end of The Sixth Sense when Bruce Willis was dead

John said...

anon 4:25--

mahoga-weeeeee

Shram--

is that supposed to be news?

ant1 said...

Bruce Willis was dead?

mono_vs_stereo said...

red neckerson 2:39

Funny, that's exactly the way my mountain biking friends and I approach riding, although usually there's PBR or whiskey in someone's bottle as well as waiting for us in our trucks.

Anonymous said...

Just got my copt of "The Sixth Sense" in the mail. Can't wait to watch it.

T. McKay Battles said...

ant1,

yeah, aside from the muggings i've heard it's pretty good riding, but i've never made it out there. i have taken the path to stone mountain a few times though, which can be a pretty fun ride. especially if you stop for big beers in the cheesy bavarian themed restaurant right before you get to the park.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

Jim --

You say Heisenberg is cool, but how can you be certain?

ant1 said...

That place has some good pastries. People complain about the rat shit problems they've had in the past, but I think it adds a little je ne sait quoi to the food.

ant1 said...

Leroy, as long as Jim doesn't make a claim on his location, he's all good.

kale said...

Snob-

I'll have to assume that Rosie O'Donnel is your dominatrix by her nonplussed visage.

I captured the scuba diver in his fall plumage. Note the conservation of leg extension and pathblockiness throughout the seasons.

rickster said...

My opinion all along has been that setting goals and following training schedules gets in the way of riding my bike, not to mention cutting into my beer drinkin' time.

frilly said...

Don't be a buzzkill, Ant. I have my first tri on May 2nd. Can't wait!

kale said...

frilly-

I have a tri every night - Bud, buds, and bourbon.

No buzzkill that way.

Udder said...

While my resume does not include "doubling" or kissing Helen Hunt, I lived in Boulder, CO while they were filming American Flyer with Kevin Costner and my whole bike team and I were extras in the bike racing scenes (really). One of my friends had to grow a long Rasputin-like beard to play the evil Russian competitor.

If I remember right, Costner rode like Cadel Evans and sucked our wheels most of the time, so this Briton guy probably is a lousy coach.

ant1 said...

Frilly - I'm sorry, it's not you I'm trying to disparage, it's the dedicated triathletes, with their cervelos and audis, whose training is so important (or bike handling skills non-existent) that they refuse to wave back at me. Whenever I ride the silk sheets route, I make a point to wave at every single cyclist that rides by/I pass. Triathletes never wave back. I don't know what their problem is, but until they start waving back I will make fun of them. You are not one of them.

ant1 said...

ant100th!

nolucker said...

If I saw someone with a gatorade fender in NY I would call the cops, especially if it was filled with some kind of strange liquid, particularly if he had the bike on the subway. If you see something, say something.-Does that only apply to the subway, or above ground also?

Anonymous said...

My parents sent me to college to get me to stop messengering. Upon graduation and failing to find work (I couldn't act like a normal human being in interviews), they upped the ante and handed me two million dollars to dissuade me from returning to the messenger ranks. Haven't worked in years. Each day as I pedal one of the bikes in my fine collection, I contemplate the possibility of a revolution, and whether, when and if that revolution bubbles up from the hate and resentment of the lower classes, I'll be pegged as the aristocrat I am and ushered to the guillotine.

Anonymous said...

Still the arcane podium shot, Frillé?

Whither the holiday sale merchandise from VS?

Sincerely,
Anonymous BSNYC comment reader

frilly said...

Take care not to overtrain.

innerlight said...

On wondering when one becomes a "regular" in these parts...

a top step finish last week,...
a mention from Leroy today,...
looking good.

All I need now is some recognition from Ant1 and Frilly and I'll almost "belong"


btw; I have a book coming out, ghostwritten by Sally Jenkins titled, "It's Not About The Comment"



meh.

bikesgonewild said...

...bsnyc/rtms is ken kesey..."sometimes a great notion"...

...the 'david brintons' of the world will always have "young professionals" to mentor because there are plenty of 'em w/ no real imaginations whatsoever...it's all about 'goals & an agenda'...it's a 'numbers & results' game 'cuz that's how they do business & they're incapable of simply enjoying the beauty of cycling unless it's got a bottom line...

...therein lies the difference between their ilk & most all professional racing cyclist's who also utilize structured training programs...pro riders all seem to love the bike 'cuz they loved the bike as kids & tend to still love the bike when they retire...

...sheesh, am i being serious or what ???...but i am being real...

...anyway, i'm gonna formulate a "cycling game plan" based on a combination of sound riding ideas from red neckerson & bsnyc/rtms...'cept for the snuggies part...i found they tend ta bunch up my lycra...

Anonymous said...

scuba diving to popeyes... sounds like a scene straight outta David Lynch's head.

Anonymous said...

Favorite Tri-geek story...dude comes out for a crit and rolls a tire in the first turn, takes a bunch of guys out.

Why? Didn't need to glue the tubeless tires in those straight lame-ass "bike legs".

Oysh.

frilly said...

Makes sense to me & fwiw, I promise not to put aero bars on my new baby. And technically I'm not one of them until May 2nd. I always greet fellow riders.

anon 5:30--Sadly my camera is not working.

Anonymous said...

Make sure you do your first triathelon on your old beater, then you can brag on your next on how much you've improved.

also you wont have to tell your dad yours uper gay.

ant1 said...

innerlight - you need a real blogger identity to really "belong". It's too easy for people to pose as you when you're not a registered blogger. Get recognition from Frilly, and you've almost made it. Get her to send you the rest of the pictures from the famous underwear photoshoot and you're a made man.

innerlight said...

I have a tattoo of my identity. It sucks like every other tattoo does.

ant1 said...

Frilly - as long as you wave, you're cool by me. And I have nothing against areo bars. I was actually thinking of putting some on my fixie.

manicallday said...

What's up with the "to to" typo? Come on man. This is the second one in six months! You are losing it Snob.

innerlighter said...

@ innerlight 5:46
nice link. Is that for irony, spite, or hazing?

Ant1, I have a Blogger identity, but I don't really like it; "innerlighter" instead of "innerlight". maybe if I can figure out how to change it, and maybe start posting stuff again, so as not to be such a poseur.

As Mental Y would say,
Tenks.


meh.

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sharper image wallbanger said...

also, it just seems the alley cat is too serious... in sf in the mid late 90s, the alley cat had its serious aspects, but mostly everyone was drinking and having a good time.and afterwards, we all kept drinking. now it seems like some official event, the kind you participate seriously in and then head home with your stake(70 buck? all for that?) and post it all on the web. not lame, just sad, formal, indifferent.

Anonymous said...

i am in my allee cat
only mee
my allei cta

frilly said...

Antoine, that would be a hoot.

bgw-well said. I guess thats why I don't have rollers or a trainer. Although I will admit that I am thinking about having a cateye put on my bike.

Anonymous said...

lighten up it is only a cycle
just walk instead of it
no parts to buy or rotating

DF to tha Last said...

Ant1 - I take that back, Bruce Willis was fine. i just didn't know how else to explain my reaction to the questionably safe for work, or QSFW, rosie picture

Anonymous said...

just walk or better yet a car
no topic
Im identified better without it
stop the bad paint with a blotter
sawzall it fastest fix for that

bikesgonewild said...

..."thinking about having a cateye put on my bike."...

...just keep ridin' & i'm sure you'll be the cat's meow...

Anonymous said...

Frilly, camera's broken? No problem. Just straddle the xerox machine and post that.

frilly said...

Might be a tad warm don'tcha think?

Anonymous said...

anonymous

Andy Pandy said...

If there are no stop lights on my appointed anointed ride, where in the devils name am I going to get my heart rate below 2 zquillion. Going downhill just increases my anxiety levels due to fork and rider instability( Thanks Vroomen and 3T) . Stop signs keep me alive and well. As for talking whilst riding I keep it to simple sentences and mutterings… get in front you lazy MFér and drag my arse home.

I am a convert to Bernoulli’s Flow equation as it applies to almost everything in this weird world , including Red’s ability to piss into the wind.

Frills what did you eventually drop your cash on????

Cognorant said...

Ok...I'm on board with most of the bike snobbery and I think I get the humor 99% of the time. I miss a lot of the "in" jokes about specific gear & antics of the pros. because I guess I just don't have that much time.

I'm getting confused about what BSNYC/RTMS and followers think is really important about bicycling. There have been many posts today about "spoiling the joy of riding a bike"...for me that joy was spoiled the minute I started reading this blog and realized I was being judged by how I wear my sunglasses, how my tire logos are lined up with my valve stems, should I have a visor on my helmet, buying a nice bike even though I don't race. Holy crap was I mortified when I realized how I must have been laughed at with my SPD's on my first road bike, etc. etc. It's all taken so seriously but then seriousness is ridiculed.

People do their own thing get photographed and then they're derided within an inch of their lives...how can anyone say it's just about the joy of riding a bike? I stand confused.

Let it also be said that I've now topped the great hill of humility and I no longer give a shit what people think about the gear I choose to "rock". I ride when I feel like it and I ride the crap out of my bikes. It's gonna be ten below zero tomorrow when I ride in to work and I don't care the least what people will think when my sunglasses are under my helmet straps. So there!

kale said...

Cognorant-

Rant1st

Anonymous said...

Cognorant,
If you really don't care, why the whining schpeal? I'm sure we care even less than you do.

Straps over the glasses? Now there's a statement. What's next? Ironic sock-over-the-pants-cuff?

GETA LIFE

eatmee said...

Hey thanks for finally taking a dig at LA that doesn't involve Michael Ball. It will make me smile while I am riding home from work tonight. I would say that it would make me feel warm inside, but it'll probably be about 70, so I won't need that. Enjoy your icy bridges.

Anonymous said...

"Isn't that cute? LA has its own Times, just like a real city!"

--so funny I read to my wife.

Daddo said...

Cognorant-

the true key to this blog is to realize that for very much of the time, we're all guitly of many of the things mentioned here and so we're laughing at ourselves.

of course the rest of the time, we're laughing at you...

..enjoy your ride tomorrow - it sounds very COOL,

Anonymous said...

"Becoming a more proficient peddler will eventually increase speed."

Depends on what you're selling, I guess.

scott said...

Mental Yentl:

Gay kocken offen yom, bubbeleh.

Anonymous said...

Also, I bumped into Helen Hunt once and asked her out. Say what you will - she was adorable in person.

Anonymous said...

"I always thought it was creepy in Mad About You the way, when they kissed Paul would hold Helen's head in both hands ..."

Ha! Ha! You watched Mad About You? Really?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Cognorant,

It's all about topping that hill. Let's hope we all get there and can stand on top of it together pointing and laughing at each-other. By the way, I barely survived my first century--could barely clip out of the SPDs on my road bike at the finish.

--BSNYC

Cognorant said...

Sorry Anon 7:22 didn't mean to give the impression of a whining schpeal or a rant. Guess I failed. Didn't really mean to blather on that long either.

I think I can not give a shit what people think about me and still wonder out loud about what it's all about.

There's a huge gap between the good-natured laughing and the harsh ridicule and hatred.

I'm not trying to start anyhting, just wondering.

Anonymous said...

eatmee,
Word. Icy bridges might be nice, but the riding here is far better year round than anywhere. 75F, green hills, ocean views, dry roads, no cars in the Santa Cruz Mtns.

Racing season started Jan. 1.

Anonymous said...

Cog,
It's all good. Snobby cracks on my Mavics all the time, but you won't see me tossing them off the non-icy Golden Gate Bridge.

Anon 7:22

Mental Yentl said...

Scott:

Nice. Very nice. May you pish in the wind away from your friends so dey stay day way; your friends...alta cocker.

Have nice day.

Oysh.

bikesgonewild said...

...dear cognorant...

...we, all of us on this site, get together every few weeks for drinks 'n snacks n' shit & basically to worship ***bikesnob nyc*** because we revere him like a god...

...we sit around & he regales us w/ his witty tales, his erudite musings, his incomparable reflections about various bikes & the cyclists that ride them & oh how we laugh & guffaw...it's so much more personal that this daily internog thingy we all do...

...please feel free to join us next time but i'd ask that you bring a pinch of 'self effacement' & remember to lock up your bike outside...we wouldn't want one of "those" in here w/ ours...

...invitation is in the mail...

Andy Pandy said...

Cognorant... could it be that you are a distant relative of one Cogsexxxtreme that once habituated this blogsphere, as you share many of his attributes

Anonymous said...

Surprised you don't know about the "cut in half and duct tape plastic bottle" cheapskate fender.

Although there's more mirth when there's an intact soda bottle used as a fender.

Sigmurd Froid said...

Cognorant,

Like any group of people, the group that posts here is composed of all kinds of individuals, scientists, scientologists, children, child molesters, explainers, complainers. Just cause somebody rides a bike doesn't make them a nice guy.

frilly said...

AP, where the h have you been? Thought you might be hanging with LA!

I got a Specialized Dolce Comp Triple. WSD. I've only gotten to ride it one time cuz its been so freakin' cold here.

burpen said...

This is totally unrelated but I'd like to share what must be the two ugliest bikes I've seen IRL.

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk171/burpen/DSCF2125.jpg

(Note the p-far spoke card.)

Anonymous said...

What BGW doesn't own up to is that those sessions end in handjobs all around. Eeew.

stylin' fred said...

bike snob,

it seems much of your critical take on bike culture boils down to people having no sense of shame or reality...and i might be phrasing this incorrectly.

i just think back to ten years ago. pretty much the only people riding track bikes were messengers. if fred pulled up on his new fixster he would be laughed back to his condo. but lately last five years or so not so much. and then Armstrong got peoples attention. the people became less ashamed of absurd "haters suck my balls" rims and other "biopace chainring" like accoutrements...
i am losing my train of thought. but yeah, no one is genuine anymore, and that sucks, but maybe it is good too.

AMR said...

Some of us here, don't ride a bike and would really wear a BSNYC Top 10 jersey.

BTW, funny post Snob.

mono_vs_stereo said...

burpen

I'm especially digging the Bontrager mountain bike saddle and the downhill/bmx pedals with toe cages on the gray bike. Good to see shoddy parts not going to waste. Recycle, people.

Check out this hideous beast:
http://www.corinthcycling.com/photos/SoftRide.jpg

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 10:03pm...we asked that everyone have something to contribute & you stated that that was the only thing you were good at, so we acquiesced...

...next time just buy a round of drinks, for krist's sake...there'll be a lot less embarrassing looks all around...

...just sayin'...

Cognorant said...

Thanks all for the enlightenment. It may not have sounded like it but I read this blog every freakin day. I enjoy the hell out of it and the comments. Some of the best writing and thoughts I see anywhere.

Anon 7:22: Sorry to hear….I guess that’s one reason to stick to my stock Shimanos

BSNYC: The view is fantastic (although I’m pretty sure I’ve only reached a plateau) and we’ll all look ridiculous!

BGW: I….I…..ummm..I’m so excited….wait..this isn’t a joke is it?.

AP: Never posted as another name

Siggy: Yeah, I get that…I guess that’s why there’s such an embracing of the AYH…sentiment

Slappy said...

Haay the Stomparillaz do a StompA century; 50 mi. from 'bonedale Co, up through assPen, then ideally up Independence pass right before they open it to cars. Last year there was too much snow so we ended up doing it on the fourth of july. Photo doc. of the sweetest century ever.. http://picasaweb.google.com/danieljgiese/July4#

think support vehicle with loads of PBR as well as toys for the top, like a big sound bike, and a snowmobile. . wicked CENTURY! oh yeah, Carbondale is at 6000' and the top of the pass is 12,400' and it's mainly bike path!

leroy said...

Cognorant --

I have personally violated each of the "rules" identified in your 7:06post.

In fact, I still use SPDs.

And I'm sure the unfortunate outcome of my audition for the touring company of Riverdance would have been the same even if I had used conventional road shoes.

bikesgonewild said...

...cognorant, re: your comment "BGW: I….I…..ummm..I’m so excited….wait..this isn’t a joke is it?."...
...hey, ask anon 10:03pm...look what happened when he showed up unprepared...

...& btw, good handle...do the google blogger thingy so it's yers...

Quik Swiller said...

anon 7:52

Becoming a more proficient peddler will eventually increase speed.
- Los Angeles Times

Yes... you can spend your profits phrom proficiency on better equipment.

Peddling proficiency may also mean fewer hours at work and more time to train. That probably does more to increase speed.

Soar Looser said...

So, so selfish, cloning yourself like that, Daddo.

Anonymous said...

bsnyc,

i like ow this guy tries to sell his bike nd bag by saying "step your hipster game up"

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/990678644.html

frilly said...

Cognorant--Ten below zero?

You are an inspiration.

BellaCroix said...

BSNYC, you have no clue... the intact Gatorade bottle is to fill with sand for added traction like a pikc-up truck.

How the hell do you claim to live in the NE-US without an understanding of sand tubes for added weight.

Obviously this guy improvised (brilliantly) additional traction and you make fun of him? Now I see how petty you really are. What REAL cyclist doesn't cary an extra 5 pounds with them in the winter? My Polish masseuse/trainer had me on the Hagen Daas diet to pick up my added traction... you're just jealous that your trainer is from Jersey.

Philip Williamson said...

Boy, what these comments need is more posting in dialect. A LOT more.

bikesgonewild said...

...speaking of 'gatorade'...

...i'll just bet that 'gator needed aid after ol' red neckerson had his way w/ it yesterday...

...prob'ly wishin' it would get made into boots n' belts 'cuz that'd be less painful...

...word from ricky is that red's a little demanding...

ant1 said...

Frilly 6:44 - nice pic

kale said...

brettok-
FYI for the podiumcat today.

ant1 said...

kale, nice work.

kale said...

Thanks, I'm real busy at work on Wednesdays. I barely had enough time to do it.

Commiecanuk said...

Snob, that Gatorade bottle is just a prototype of the new energy revolution for the 2010s. Currently, industry is moving away from oil and gas and looking at the next great green energy source: diet Coke and Mentos.

O'Bama will have to shift military assets away from the middle east and look to bombing that little country in Europe where Mentos come from. Think I'm kidding? Dick Cheney's breath was recently described as "minty fresh".

Toothless Redneck said...

"Tom Hanks did for AIDS patients with "Philadelphia,....."


Or what Tom Hank's did for cross dressers in "Bosom Buddies"

Cognorant said...

Frilly,

It wound up only being an even zero degrees but I'm looking forward to a
good old fashioned minus 15 tomorrow.
I try to live by the old adage "there is no bad weather, only bad gear".

wishiwasmerckx said...

Bella Croix, that is because Snob's trainer is not Polish. Snob's trainer is a weary Portugese.

Cognorant said...

BGW:

Yeah...thanks, I'll just steer clear of anon 10:03 maybe. I do make a mean bean dip though...

Anonymous said...

...insert racism here: _________.

The Pogonologist said...

What sort of goals should one who is a new-comer to the pfar set for himself? Are century rides out of the question? What sort of moustache should be worn? And should this moustache be waxed? What sort of moustache wax is best for a century ride?

These are the questions that haunt me.

ant1 said...

I think they're called last century rides

kale said...

Re Pogonophoran:

Moustaches on P.fars aren't worn, they're sported.

frilly said...

Cognorant--shoot me an e-mail if you don't mind & let me know what's working for you. I can't seem to break the 30F mark. Thanks.

anon 2:11 said...

Ripping off of Calvin and Hobbes.

At least Watterson got was good at being concise. Nor did he merchandise.

This blog is the very definition of pointless exposition.

Sigh.

Anonymous said...

welcome back anon 2:11.

Anonymous said...

Ya know, I think the trainer from LA could find his calling as the first fixed gear freestyle sensei. Find your chi and the 180 bar spin will come.

Adam said...

That show was like Taxi without the laughs...

Anonymous said...

umm
those who are worrying aboult lactate threshold should be more concerned with the ride inducing labor.

The last thing a novice cyclist should worry about is lactic threshold. Avoid getting hit by a car first...then go hit the performance lab.

Anonymous said...

How many comically ironic references to the Jeffersons do I have to suffer through before I die! It was funny on Married with Children like 20 years ago but now it's getting kind of old. I do welcome more Canon Ball Run references though, especially anything to do with Dom DeLuise.

Anonymous said...

Coach Brinton was an Olympian fuckface.

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