Hands On: The Latest In Grips

Not too long ago, I mentioned a bar/stem combo for sale on Craigslist that the seller had billed as "fierce." Well, if you were interested yet not quite ready to take the plunge, you will be pleased to know they are still available. Furthermore, the seller has also clarified the "fierce" descriptor:




3T/Cinelli - Track Drop/Stem - with grips *AS SEEN ON BIKESNOB* - $50 (Fort Greene)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2009-01-22, 11:17PM EST

(Despite the many views these bars must have received from astute Bikesnob readers... all offers to buy them ultimately fell through. So I'm reposting.)

Built up a track drop setup to try it out but am going to back to pursuit bars because I like the position more.

- 3T "Pista" Track Drops - deep, classic drop shape - made from hardened 7075 aluminum alloy - approx. 42cm wide - in immaculate condition.
- Cinelli quill stem - approx 120mm long - in fairly good condition with a few cosmetic scratches.
- And some random grips I had that look pretty fierce.

(Note: If you are having any concerns that these are anything other than genuinely "fierce" grips, rest assured. They are both "fierce" in the sense that they are clear with a rad blue flame pattern underneath, as well as "fierce" in the sense that they were stolen from a knock-off brand razor scooter.
Meaning that YOU will most certainly be unique with your fiercely-blue/semi-ironic/'whoa-are-those-keirin' handlebar grips.)

Selling for $50, open to trades.


Let it be known that I have no affiliation with the seller, nor do I stand to profit in any way from his sale (or trade!) of these bars. However, I do appreciate his actually mentioning me in his re-post, which is more than certain other sellers have done. I also sympathize with him, because, as he mentions, "all offers to buy them ultimately fell through." The simple truth is, if you think some Craigslist sellers are bad, the buyers are a thousand times worse. Really, how does a handlebar sale fall through? Does the bank not come through with a mortgage commitment? Does an engineer determine the bars are structurally unsound? Does the buyer not receive board approval? The potential Craigslist buyer is the worst sort of virtual tire-kicker, answering ads for people's cheap castoffs in order to experience the thrill of the purchase without actually purchasing anything. It's the online classifieds equivalent of rubbing up against people on the subway.

Speaking of rubbing and grips, I recently spotted a new trend on the streets of New York City. It seems that the hot setup among the retro-chic is to rub a rubber on your bars:



You'll note from this detail shot that the condom serves not only as a grip, but also as a sort of streamer. (For best results, use Lennard Zinn's saliva method of installation.):


Also, a third benefit is that the condom grip serves as a theft-deterrent. It takes a very strong stomach to get anywhere close to what might very well be a used prophylactic. Even the act of photographing it was nauseating, and I noticed a direct relationship between my proximity to the bicycle and my lunch's proximity to my mouth. It would take a bold thief indeed to kneel beside this bike and go to work with the bolt cutters while the condom's reservoir tip gently tickles the back of his neck.

The condom grip is without a doubt the most exciting thing to come to handlebars since Pearl Izumi's "Greptile" system. This was sort of a proto-collabo with 3M and it involved a pair of grippy gloves that were supposed to be paired with a roll of equally grippy handlebar tape. 3M's Greptile still seems to be in use for sports like golfing, but sadly Pearl Izumi no longer offers it in glove/tape form. One user on Roadbikereview noted that it had "a tendency to pick up fuzz and other stuff." It was last seen on closeout on the Secret Website, though as usual their copywriters missed the mark by not using the obvious marketing hook, "Love Me Like a Greptile."

Indeed, condoms and grips have a lot in common, especially the fact that not enough young people are using them. More and more cyclists these days are rubbing absolutely nothing on their bars (apart from their groins, of course) and the bicycle industry really needs to act. Not only is this dangerous, but entire product lines also hang in the balance. What they need is a spokesperson who can make grips sexy again. My vote is heavy metal homunculus Glenn Danzig:


I have no doubt that the sight of Danzig clutching an Ergon like a microphone while crooning the Samhain song "In My Grip" will have fixters everywhere rushing to cover their bars faster than an Amish woman covers an exposed ankle. Really, nothing is more "fierce" than a grip endorsed by Glenn Danzig.

Unfortunately, you're about as likely to see that as you are an integrated headtube with a threaded headset. Or are you? In the wacky world of Craigslist, anything is possible:





Leader Single Gear Free Wheel Track Bicycle (61 CM) - $320 (Sheepshead Bay Bklyn)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2009-01-27, 10:12PM EST

Pleased to present a Leader Single Gear Free Wheel Track Bicycle (convert to fixed gear available). This bicycle is in perfect working condition. The frame is 24’’ inches (61 CM) & the rims are 700 x 25C. Deliver is available & Please email or call me (347) 733-[deleted] Peter; if you have any questions, or for directions (to view bicycles in stock), & Thank you for your inquire. Note: All of our bicycles are professionally tuned, reconditioned, and comes with a 30 day warranty.

We've met Peter before, and the man is clearly a magician. I'm not sure if this particular frame takes an integrated or a zero stack headset, but in either case whatever he did to get that threaded headset in there had to be even more horrifying than Danzig singing old Samhain songs into an Ergon grip:

I do like how Peter's stayed true to his aesthetic with his crappy parts choice while simultaneously updating his image with the aluminum frame. Also, the massive gear ratio along with the freewheel setup and the single front brake is a great setup for cruising around town. Just throw a couple of condoms onto those bars and you're in business.