Monday, October 6, 2008

This Just In: It's Snobbatical Time!

Once again, as per the terms of my contract with myself, it is time for my semi-annual week-long "Snobbatical." If you don't believe my contract provides for semi-annual week-long Snobbaticals, I can assure you that it does. It also guarantees me indoor bike parking, two bathroom breaks a day, and a 15% discount on Kaukauna Spreadable Cheese--which is not only "America's favorite anytime, all the time, snacking, nibbling and entertaining spreadable cheese," but is also a great tire sealant.

If it angers you that I'm taking a week off, rest assured that I will not be skiing down some beach, sunning myself on some snowy mountain, or eating foie gras in some Florentine bistro.  Rather, I will be retreating deep within myself, and I can assure you that's no place anybody (I least of all) would want to be.  It's dark, it's cold, and there are scary sounds which therapists and spiritual advisors have assured me are simply the house settling but which I can only silence with strong drink.

Also, foie gras is disgusting.

I will, however, return on Monday, October 13th, with regular updates.  In the meantime I recommend catching up on routine bike maintenance, spending time with friends and family, and generally tending to your garden in the Voltairean sense.

And if spending time with friends and family involves a large, catered affair, I highly recommend the Grand Prospect Hall in Brooklyn based entirely on the strength of their commercials.


As always, thanks for reading, and I'll see you on Monday October 13th.


--BSNYC/RTMS



137 comments:

bother yam said...

Have a good week.

mander said...

Podium!

blasdelf said...

Podium!

Anonymous said...

NO PODIUM? SUCK MY BALLS, HATERS

Anonymous said...

I love it when a plan comes together . . .

Simon said...

I guess I'll have to just Thefixedgeargallery of Fixed Gear Bikes. Thanks a lot snob.

PS: enjoy your week.

Anonymous said...

(pushing yahoos off the podium stage)

unAthlete said...

Bikesnob is too ashamed to admit it, but he's headed to Kona to watch Ironman and live out all his triathlon fantasies.

ryanfromdeland said...

wow this was an early one!

jelliot said...

I's done good!

booyakasha said...

havent you got a guest writer to put a one word post up every day, so the podium idiots get their fix?

Slappy said...

Great, now what do I do for a week. Maybe get some work done.

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

Unathlete: I think he is onto something...

Although disgusting, I am not sure one would find Fois Gras in Floretine Bistro. I think you would be hard pressed to find Fois Gras in an Italian joint.

Great post and have a great week off.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ant1 said...

I say we pick some other blog to have our comment races this week.

Erik said...

But but but you just haaaad a vacation. Damn. Now I'll have to work or something.

the peoples poet said...

Bike snob
Bike snobbie
Jobbie
Underpants jobbie
Wibbley wobbley

justin said...

yah you might want to check a french restaurant before a florentine bistro for fois gras.

and it's actually super good.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, taking a few days off to observe Yom Kippor is entirely appropriate, so I will send you off with a little High Holiday humor.

Q. Why can't you catch a Jew on Yom Kippor?

A. Because... ... they fast.

Mongo Pusher said...

Veinte!

kale said...

Yawn... no... coffee...?

Commiecanuk said...

The blog peloton needs a rest week anyway, snobs been pushing and pushing without a break, ...and you wonder why we dope.

Snobbatical, kibbutz, tomato, tomato.

John said...

Hey ya knobs, foie gras in an Italian place is sarcasm, much like "skiing down some beach" or "sunning myself on some snowy mountain". Get it? Good. AYHSMB.

Thanks RTMS, you... you snob you. Have a good week.

SPLOOGEMASTER said...

Kaukauna cheese? Is that cow-cow-na as would be pronounced by Hawaiians, or kah-kah-na as pronounced by nasally mid-westerners?

Also makes great (and tastey) chamois lube.

streepo said...

Tasty chamois lube? I've been looking for that for years!!!

Enjoy the week.

kale said...

Mine's Taint Flavored

Anonymous said...

IT HAS COME! IT HAS COME! The APOCALYPSE HAS COMMENCED!
http://milwaukee.craigslist.org/bik/867422841.html
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
The geese shall be loosed, the Aerospokes set ablaze. Behold the fixed gear pie plate!!!!

Anonymous said...

I think BSNYC is going to bury himself in the bowels of the NY Public Library and try to make sense of the new tax code which is part of the bail out plan called Transportation Fringe Benefit to Bicycle Commuters in order to see how he can benefit from this plan without having to move to Portland.

murphini said...

On my Lemondesque-quest to figure out just who BSNYC is, my new guess has 1/9th chance to be right:

BSNYC=Clarence Thomas.

1. Clarence Thomas kinda busy for the first week of October, then just kind of mail's it in. Has time on his hands.

2. Non Plussed Journalist is really Clarence Thomas in disguise. This is BSNYC/CT's way of screaming to be noticed.

3. BSNYC "judges" people like tatoo-sleeved-Kevin, Tyler Hamilton and Armund.

4. Didn't Justice Thomas says something similar to "AYHCSMB" to Anita Hill?

5. Didn't it come out in the hearings that Clarence Thomas was a huge Terrance Trent D'Arby fan?

You are SO OUTED BSNYClarence Thomas.

frilly said...

A whole week of behaving myself. Hmmm I don't know, its gonna be tough.

Enjoy your break snobbie. Mwah (goodbye kiss).

Commiecanuk said...

for those looking for something to do and ponder for a week, I humbly suggest, this website of bicycle clothing targeted to lipstick lesbians. The ultimate fixed gear niche.

"they found some new bits of the bible the other day, I think everyone will like them"

fleshblocks said...

happy sabbatical :)

Caaah said...

Oooh, classic Grand Prospect Hall. I hate the new one. They got all fancy and hired a voice-over actor. I miss the old guy doing the awkward-arm-gesture-while-reciting-phone-number pose. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

Have a good Shabbatical.

bk jimmy said...

caaah

You must not be watching the ad all the way through. At the end the old guy and his wife still give the phone number and promise to make your dreams come true. It's on NY1 all the time.

ant1 said...

Nice Knog ad. Anybody see the pearl izumi (i think that was the brand, I was slightly distracted) ad in velo news this month?

Old Fonzie said...

Yom Kippur is also referred as the Jewish Festival of Bicycles since driving a car is prohibited during the Day of Judgment the roads are for cyclists.

Anonymous said...

Is it because the Cubs lost?

ice cube said...

BSNYC,

I know how ya feel on taking time to soul search. It's a hard trip but always well worth it. Good luck.

ice cube said...

anon 11:09,

The pie plate kills me! hahahaha!!!


"this was professionaly built with no expence spared. Shop maintained. Rides very smooth. All my friends with fixies that ride mine cant believe how smooth everything is compared to theirs. Please serious buyers only."

It rides smooth if and only because of the pie plate's ability to cut down on the rear drag of the bicycle. Easily cuts 10-20 seconds off any ride.

leroy said...

BSNYC -

Have a great snobbatical.

For journeys of deep introspection into the dark recesses of the soul, I recommend a miner's lamp and an emergency supply of Haldol.

Works for me.

Of course, a tasty cheese spread that does not require refrigeration is a wise addition in case you need a snack along the way.

One question, though.

Are you planning to return with pictures of journey and, if so, have you packed a camera with a good flash?

kale said...

It rides so smooth because it's never been ridden past the campus coffee shop; the computer will attest to that.

Daddo said...

lets all race here this week:
http://mini-cooper-parts.blogspot.com

kale said...

daddo:

"Comment moderation has been enabled. All comments must be approved by the blog author."

I doubt a car blog will approve a bunch of podium whores.

Anonymous said...

Wait! U can't retire now, who now is going to snidely comment on Vinokourov's unlikely return to the protour?

http://www.velonews.com/article/83999/guess-who-s-coming-to-dinner-vino--wants-to-rejoin-astana

jessica said...

miss you already

ant1 said...

Piepoli and Schumacher tested positive for CERA.
Dopestrong!

Tractor Operator said...

At last! I can get a bit of rest. I'm so tired; all I do is wait for Snob to post. I wait. I wait

Anonymous said...

Hang a sign on the door: Gone Bikin' and switch off the lights on the way out. The rest of us will search for other blogs, for example, Bike Snob New Jersey.

Commiecanuk said...

anon 2:07, typo!

That's "Big Slob New Jersey".

Commiecanuk said...

Piepoli tested positive. I'm shocked, shocked I tells ya.

Rumor has the numbers ~20 riders about to be announced due to the new CERA testing.

That's what I love about the TDF, it runs all July, but really takes until November until it's really over, and that's not counting legal appeals and denials and excuses, which push well into the next spring , just a few weeks away from..the TDF.

Anywhoo...I need the time off to establish my new doping excuse consulting company, Intended Evil Twin Dog Never Tested Positive Inc.

Anonymous said...

I lost my black Specialized Crosstail Sport on the Upper West Side near Yogi's at 76th and Broadway. If anyone sees it let me know.

Thanks,
Neil

Anonymous said...

John 10:46 (Bible reference?)

"sunning myself on some snowy mountain"
I have been told that snowy mountains and sunshine can cause things such as sunburn within in your nostrils and underneath your chin (or chins, in my case).

Ask a springtime skier or snowshoer about these things.
The albido of snow is mighty.

Anyway... I'll check in after a while. Go enjoy yourself, BSNYC.

And good luck to you, Neil.
(aka Anon. 3:05)

Anonymous said...

commiecanuck,

Did you notice the knuckle-lettering on the glove of the dominant lipstick lesbian?
Of course you did!
lisptic knuckles
Whither the fudge will this trend cease?

I swear... this viral marketing attack that you former colonials are launching against America is mighty sneaky!

Camp Cupboard said...

Who will bring joy to the children now?

Did you think of them, the children?

Did you?

Jason B said...

Enjoy the holiday!

Anonymous said...

You take more holidays than B&H!

frilly said...

I love the love/hate gloves. They're going on the top of my Christmas list, red please.

I coulda used that hate glove for the asshat who was trying to hang on my wheel Saturday. I'm not even fast so it was just annoying.

btw, commie, I am curious to know what its like to kiss somebody with an earring in her lip. And I'll be seriously disappointed if Fab C shows up on that list.

DAMN! said...

http://www.knog.com.au/Category.aspx?categoryId=10

I'd hit that.

ant1 said...

Damn! I'm with you on that one. Her girlfriend's pretty cute too.

Anonymous said...

I think Snobby works on Wall Street and took his cut of the $700B and ran.

ant1 said...

Either that or he runs Lehman Brothers and is getting drilled by congress on why he made so much damn money losing everyone's money.

bikesgonewild said...

...ultimately feeling usurped & indignant by the "return of lance" bsnyc/rtms forces himself away, indulging in a week-long 'snobbatical', while hoping to make a 'comeback' himself, refreshed, vehement & better appreciated by the teeming masses that infiltrate his daily blog...

...upon his return, there will be a celebration at the 'grand prospect hall' in brooklyn w/ featured valet bike parking...

...the fete will be sponsored by kaukauna & 'kaukauna spreadable cheese' will be served but it's strictly a "byoc" (bring yer own crackers) affair...no foie gras or it's 'florentine' equivalent, liver spread will be allowed in the hall...

...bsnyc/rtms will be present but like the wizard in the 'wizard of oz', he'll be behind the curtain, as usual...

...rsvp...

Andy Pandy said...

So if geese fly though pie plates and shred themselves into foie gras should we care . Frills , some gals, likely at Lipstick Gals , have em in all kinda nooks and grannies. Like a naughty game of hide and seek.

frilly said...

Hide and seek can be fun. AP, you have been on a bit of a roll here lately, feeling your oats, are ya?

I really do like those gloves--sums up my state of affairs nicely. Day old danish anyone?

amir said...

I eat foie gras, like, four times a day.

Andy Pandy said...

It is spring here so my inner Tommke is blossoming

frilly said...

Thats really cute & I bet a sight to see. Sheilas be warned.

Maybe thats my problem--no more summer lovin'. At least the weekends have been nice. Saturday was awesome, lycra everywhere. I rode a little longer than planned & paid for it Sunday. But, mmmm, well worth the effort.

Gnarles Darwin said...

Tell the Queen of England I said Hi!

Anonymous said...

Where can I see these moose knuckle tattoos everybody keeps posting about?

Anonymous said...

Nobody was able to read into snob's plan to go to Vegas for the week and catch Yngwie Malmsteen's "Perpetual World Tour", October 10th. With his derision and extensive knowledge of other metal, there's no way a snob like him would miss it.

Check the calendar of events:
here

Cycle Ninja said...

Snob, I'd like to say I'll miss you, but my new Moots just got in today. I'll be preoccupied, to put it mildly.

Your return WILL, however, make a lovely birthday present.

Anonymous said...

He's gone on vacation, and misses this
http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/bik/868940443.html

Anonymous said...

Send your share of the foie MY way!

Caaah said...

bk jimmy--

True, they still say it, but its just the audio. I need that part where he just keeps. holding. arm. up.

Anonymous said...

Snob on Vacation

Lucky 7 said...

BGW,

I will attend. I'll be dressed as the tin man, in search of a heart, that is.


A

Anonymous said...

Or win da race like Haole

Anonymous said...

In Snobby's absence, we all need something to laugh at:

http://boise.craigslist.org/bik/850780176.html

Anonymous said...

@12:23,
that's a good one. No picture? And what's a 60-63 roadbike? Best quote:

"If you need a roadie, and you don't buy this you're a tool."

Here's a Denver entry:
http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/858325786.html

Wade said...

Foie gras isn't any more disgusting than a Purdue chicken that's pumped up with antibiotics and debeaked before it's killed. At least the duck raised for foie gras is fed a simple diet of fat and corn and is allowed to waddle freely before its liver is harvested. The process of force-feeding a duck (gavage) to get this result may be inhumane, but foie gras really isn't any more disgusting than any of the other meat that carnivores consume without thinking about feces and feedlots in Nebraska. Or perhaps BKNYC was being ironic and he actually likes nothing more than to sear up some hunks from a lobe of foie gras and down it with some bargain swill.

Has BSNYC noticed the perilous half finished bike lane slowly coming together on 9th Avenue? No one knows what to make of any of it.

Anonymous said...

@ 12:35

Why upside down pics?

53:13 is pretty good though...

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

and you thought america is bad:

http://auckland.craigslist.org/bik/835144611.html

ant1 said...

For those of you who have never had foie gras, it's like a cross between butter and bacon (aka the two tastiest foods in the whole wide world). It's meat, tasty, and spreadable like butter. It goes great with champagne. The process of making it is actually a little more "inhumane" than previously described. The force feeding causes the duck or goose's liver to go crazy and kill the animal. Kind of like an alcoholic. I'm sure that if given the choice, all animals would choose to die that way. It's a lot more fun than an air hammer.

Anonymous said...

I prefer just cooking Bacon-Bits in butter, blending, then spreading. Who cares if quadrupeds suffer...

Cottered Crank said...

That person in Denver with the big thighs and the foresight must be trying to pay for some knee surgery.

kale said...

LIGA MENT

bikesgonewild said...

...lucky 7...cool...

...if i had a pair of those new wild looking '09 red ergo2 sidi's i suppose i could show up as dorothy...

...(i'd do a link but i don't know HOW to do a direct link...check 'em out @ velonews, interbike stuff)...

...but then i'd also hafta get one a those natty plaid cyclo-cross kilts (tis the season) & borrow a little dog...

Dmitri Fofonov said...

Motherland has bailed out Iceland. We have plenty the money and can give them to you too in trade of Ukraine, Moldova and maybe Romania. Romanians such bad fighters not sure they are worth money but we give money for them anyway not to hurt their feelings.

No like the eyes of Mr. Nonplussed. We like steely eyes that mean business and willing to quiet down people who disrupt Unity. We like eyes of Obama. He like a goalkeeper. Nothing gets by him.

Anonymous said...

I'd gladly pay $1k to ruin my knees while not showing off by riding around on a not-Pista fixed-gear. Does it count toward the pistadex when it's hiding it's name?

bk jimmy said...

I like how in dmitri fofonov's posts the grammer wavers between faux-Russian and Incredible Hulk.

HULK NO LIKE EYES. HULK SMASH JOURNALIST!

bk jimmy said...

grammar. dadburn it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Bike Snob,
I saw your photo...but you don't fool me.
-me

Critical Ass said...

Only in Boise is $500 ten percent of $1800.

and he's calling us a bunch of tools

Anonymous said...

He had a longer and better ride than most, but like Upper Class, Anon 2:11, Kevin Ft. Meyers, and a series of others before, Fofonov is simply becoming tiresome.

Gnarles Darwin said...

That Boise Craigslist poster sounds like he's a Meth Head! He probably killed the people who live in the house and he is trying to sell off some stuff to buy Meth before he gets caught.

Dmitri Fofonov said...

bk jimmy
Kazakhstan is home of Hulk, who speaks Russian. Copulate testicles.

Anonymous said...

This is just Bizzare..

http://velospace.org/node/14227

Lucky 7 said...

Century!

BGW- '09 red ergo2's = YUMMY. Looks like Dorothy's finally gonna get a beatdown shoe jackin' from the tin man. They're red like a heart. Good enough for me!!


A

Lucky 7 said...

Century podium!

Here's the link:
http://www.velonews.com/photo/83748

Delicious bloody shoes, sucka.


A

Anonymous said...

Check this out - SS for US$118000
http://www.cyclingnews.com/tech.php?id=/photos/2008/tech/news/10-06/gallery-10-06

bikesgonewild said...

...lucky 7...

...while those shiny red erg's are wild crazy awesome, i'm quite content w/ my simple white erg's...very classy, high end sidi's just make one's feet dance on the pedals...

...btw, even at my age, my good bike has a skull & crossbones, a red heart & a 5 integrated into a design...special significance thingy...

Lucky 7 said...

BGW,

Yeah, I hear ya about the good dancin' shoes. How about those 98 Dominators w/ 96K? Seen a few waltzes, methinks.

http://www.velonews.com/photo/83749

Life & Death Lucky 5 bike tattoo for the bike? Hell yeah! Gotta pic?


A

Anonymous said...

Horward Stern and KATG are both on snobatical with BSNYC?
at least I still have...?

Anonymous said...

Anon 10:11, do you think that Howard Stern and Bike Snob are one in the same, or is the timing just some strange cosmic coincidence?

Anonymous said...

Anon 10:45, I could care less who may be whom. I think the big biker in the sky is toying with me; all of my favorite daytime distractions are away for the week.

why? WHY?!

Anon 10:11

alliwannadoisbicycle said...

have a good vacay, snob

Anonymous said...

HI BIKESNOB,

I have been looking everywhere for brakelights/turn signals for my singlespeed and came across these: http://www.brakenutz.com/

I'm a girl. Do you think it would be too much?

Your style advice much appreciated,

- Ms. Bike Accessorizer from Boston

bikesgonewild said...

...L to the 7th...those dom's is done...

...nah, no fotos...pretty personal stuff...if someone sees & asks, i'm glad to tell 'em, but ya, definite "life n' death" logo...

...don't really need a tat, at this stage of my life, but if i did, this'd be the one...

...it's not a reminder, but a tribute to the fact that i'm alive & can still work my ass off on the bike...

...& i'm gonna go climb a few thousand feet right now, as a matter a' fact...

Mark said...

Critical Ass,
The guy selling the R900 on craigslist said he paid "something like" $1800. I suppose that, technically speaking, $5000 is "something like" $1800, in that both start with a dollar sign, and end in a couple zeros. But the insults certainly made me want to seal the deal with him. He's definitely got a future in customer relations.

Skid

Critical Ass said...

I agree that the seller has a shitty attitude but in some businesses such as indie record stores, being an asshole is a prerequisite for being a sales clerk. I worked in one in college and we treated our customers like shit. Come to think of it, maybe the seller should try to find employment at a local bike shop. There are a couple here in Denver that could use a clerk with his rapport.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Poulidor of 10/09/2008!!!

Western Street said...

http://flickr.com/photos/catsloveboxes/2924109055/

Tom said...

I love BikeSnob! tomhauser.blogspot.com

Monkey Ride said...

Come back rested and cynical.
http://shadycyclist.blogspot.com/

SEO Services said...

Nice Post. Thanks for sharing.

ant1 said...

You dudes and ladies heard the Fofonov verdict. 3 months. F'ing puritans. A little fofonov never made anyone go blind.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Actually, Ant1 had that conversation with his young son recently. It went like this:
Ant1: "Son, if you don't stop it, you'll go blind."
Son: "Dad, I'm over here."

ant1 said...

...merckx:

Can you post that in Braille?

John said...

Hey C-Ass, have you seen this argument going on clist? Funny.

http://denver.craigslist.org/search/bik?query=single+speed+motobecane+RE&minAsk=min&maxAsk=max

Anonymous said...

woogie woogie

Anonymous said...

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/10/09/fashion/20081009_BIKES_5.html

I thought this was great.

kale said...

Anon 1:44:

Yes. I peeped that in the paper yesterday. It's not the worst I've ever seen, but they missed the most common biker in NYC, not to mention the kind that's not white. The Food Courier.

...Jesse Ashlock, 30, a fashion magazine editor who lives in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, rides a Bianchi Pista that cost $660 with upgrades.

Note: the Pistadex is at 550 in NYC. I'm assuming the "upgrade" would be the extensive Little Lord Fauntleroy Pose training.

Anonymous said...

BEAR BULL

Critical Ass said...

John,

Yep, I was trolling CL for a cheap 531 or Columbus frame and ran across the discussion yesterday. I have no idea why a single speed would have only one brake. On a fixie at least you can skid to a stop like a cool guy if the front brake fails. With a freewheel you would be kinda fucked...sorta like a brakeless fixie with a broken chain.

Critical Ass said...

Did you catch the thread with some clown trying to sell bikes he bought from bikesdirect.com for twice their list price? Someone did it with a Windsor Hour, and the latest was a Motobecane record.

Anonymous said...

I miss you Bike Snob

Burning Down the House said...

Burning Down The House - why we are in the financial mess today
This is 10 minutes long but it went fast. Very interesting.

If you agree(makes you mad), pass it on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RZVw3no2A4&feature=iv&annotation_id=event_597487

Anonymous said...

The one place I go to for a diversion from the political crap that pervades everything and I get assailed by the propaganda bs spewed out by jerkoffs like "burning down the house..."

Here's the rebuttal anyway...

http://www.slate.com/id/2201641/

laredoshane said...

Bike Snob,
Do you think you could evaluate my bike. I am at www.osobike.com
Shane Stock
Laredo, TX

Anonymous said...

waiting, waiting, waiting,....

refresh, refresh, refresh,....

Mike J said...


www.mikeonhisbike.blogspot.com

kale said...

You know that snob's been gone a week when shameless blog-promotion and politik appear in the comments more than knuck-tat ideas and ayhsmb references.

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