Friday, October 17, 2008

From The BSNYC Culture Desk: Art and Transience


I strongly believe it is of the utmost importance to feed your soul. Though I've joked in the past that I don't have a soul, the truth is that I do, but it's badly undernourished, highly distrustful of other souls, and generally Kafkaesque. As such, I decided to attempt to feed this horrible thing that lives within me by going to look at art. Fortunately, there was an art opening convenient to me last night, and it just happened to feature the works of none other than Stevil Kinevil of HTATBL. So I shook the cookie crumbs out of my chicken suit, donned my art-seeing smock, straddled the Ironic Orange Julius Bike, and headed over to the gallery.

My stray dog of a soul and I both enjoyed Stevil's art very much, and my soul remarked that Stevil's stuff makes the work of Oskar Kokoschka look like a bunch of Bazooka Joe comics. I have no idea what that means, but I do know if you're in New York City you should swing by and check it out since it's up until November 15th. It's at a place called InvisibleNYC, which also offers tattooing. This was extremely convenient, because it gave me an opportunity to have some ink applied subcutaneously to my knuckles. I chose my own unique spin on the popular LOVE/HATE sentiment:



WHATEVAH
Get your own knuckles at the knuckle tattoo gun.


I think that splits it neatly down the middle. No way I'll regret getting that.

My knuckles still stinging, I began to contemplate the search for fulfillment. Looking at art can be fulfilling, but that fulfillment can be fleeting (and alliterative). Then again, art can be spiritually nourishing in a longer lasting way as well, and its effects can sometimes be felt long after the art is visible. You don't need to own it to enjoy it. Tattoos, on the other hand, (or in my case, on both my hands) are "permanent" (at least in the sense that they'll be on you until you die or lose the limb to which they've been applied), but really it's the acquisition of the tattoo that many people find attractive, and that thrill is also fleeting. And of course, in the case of cycling, the act can be spiritually nourishing as well. But for many, again it's the acquisition of the bicycle that is most thrilling, and once the chase is over sometimes the disillusioned owner simply grows bored with his catch, like a housecat who has no interest in the mouse once he's killed it. It's possible that's what's happening here:

Bob Jackson Track Frame and Fork Campagnolo Fixie Bicycle - $675 (East Village)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-10-14, 3:41PM EDT

I recently purchased this bike but realized I just didn't have a need for such a nice frame.

I am the Third owner and the bike was custom built about 3 years ago. The angles are steep compared to Bob Jackson Cycles "off the peg" frames. Tubing is Reynolds 631. The rear seat stays and chain stays were upgraded to Reynolds 725 tubing. Lugs are Shen Long Point and have subtle silver outlining around them. Frame has very high bottom bracket so pedal strike can be avoided. Rear geometry is tight making the bike super responsive.

Make note: this auction is for the FRAME/FORK/Headset only.

The pictures of the bike build up is just to show the tight clearances and potential buildup for this bike

The fork/rear bridge is not drilled for brakes. If you wish to put a brake on it please purchase a kierin brake.

DO NOT DRILL THIS BIKE- IF YOU CANT RIDE IT DON'T BUY IT!

Paint is nice light green metallic. There are small paint chips on the fame, mostly on the drive side seatstay/chain stay. I tried to take pictures but they're pretty subtle and are practicaly invisible if you put a lil carwax on there. No dents, dings.

Included is a Campagnolo Record 1" threaded headset already installed.
Measurements:
seat tube, 58cm center to top, so probably 56.5cm center to center.
top tube, 56cm center to center
Head angle of 74.5*, seat angle of 74*, fork rake 30mm.










Could it be that once the seductress was finally willing to sleep with him she was no longer seductive? Or could it simply be that he understands the fleeting nature of material possessions, and that he is simply re-realeasing this one into the ownership continuum? Personally, I suspect the first scenario, since if it were the second he really wouldn't care if somebody drilled it. (Just as, if you're truly finished with a seductress, you really shouldn't care if somebody drills her either.) I don't understand why some people set all kinds of criteria for potential owners to meet when they sell a bike. If you care that much about it, keep it. And if you're prepared to let it go, just let it go. If you buy a bike from me, once you've handed over the cash you can feel free to whip out the Makita and fill it full of holes like you're overthrowing a Latin American country and the bike is El Presidente. Just sweep up the filings when you're done.

After all, just because you don't feel your bike should be used a certain way doesn't mean someone else can't use it that way once you're done with it. If you want to chop up your handlebars and use them to make really bad music (as I observed in this link, forwarded by a reader) then you should go right ahead (as long as I'm safely out of earshot):


Mark Growden plays the handlebars from Doctor Popular on Vimeo.

In fact, I recently purchased a used Specialized Langster Seattle edition, and by drilling a series of strategically-placed holes in it, blowing through it, and banging on it, I was able to produce this stirring piece of music. And to his credit, the previous owner made no attempts to stop me. In fact, he really seemed to enjoy it and even joined in on percussion.

Indeed, I'd like nothing more than to relieve myself of all my material possessions and free myself from the pain that attachment to them causes. Unfortunately, I've been unable to do that, since I'm not prepared to miss out on all that TV. And I suppose it's my LOVE/HATE (or WHAT/EVAH) relationship with materialism that has kept me from making any significant attempts at merchandising, though truth be told I have flirted with it. I've even gone so far as to make up some prototype pieces of BikeSnobNYC merchandise:


The BSNYC/RTMS Pretentiousness Kit


Yes, the BSNYC/RTMS Pretentiousness Kit has all you need to be unbearably pretentious. It contains:

--One BSNYC/RTMS 100% Cotton Art-Seeing Smock

--One Edgar Allan Poe bobblehead

--One copy of the Riverside Chaucer (extra-pretentious Middle English edition)

--One Werner Herzog DVD

(Ottoman not included.)

Sadly, this ensemble will not be offered for sale, as my cost was very high and I'm just not comfortable asking anyone to pay US$975 (or €25) for this kit in today's economy. So I scrapped the idea. I scrapped this idea too:


The BSNYC/RTMS Wednesday Afternoon Recreation Kit



--One BSNYC/RTMS 100% Cotton Wednesday Afternoon Lounging Smock

--One BSNYC/RTMS high-performance water pipe

--One "Pootie Tang" DVD

(Recreational herbs not included.)

This package too simply proved too expensive. Firstly, the 3M Scotchguard treatment on the smock alone cost a fortune. (I cannot in good conscience sell a lounging smock that is susceptible to damage due to high-performance water pipe misuse or recreational herb-induced narcolepsy.) Secondly, even though the recreational herbs are not included, there are still laws against these things, as Tommy Chong found out. Thirdly...well I forget. But "Pootie Tang" is really funny.

So you can rest assured that, after toying with these prototypes (some of them repeatedly), the world will be spared from additional merchandising attempts. Consider that my contribution to enlightenment. It's just less crap to buy.

95 comments:

Anonymous said...

sup fo'

Anonymous said...

Second

Anonymous said...

no freakin way

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

top 5

Anonymous said...

so close....

mary poppins said...

caught napping

333 said...

Yes!

Camp Cupboard said...

I've been kissed by a rose.

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

One of your best posts....funny when you see a bike on Bike Snob that you actually know. at least it isn't mine...

ant1 said...

Snobbie - I'm in the market for a new afternoon rec kit. I was wondering if yours was compatible with fridays, either with or without an adapter, or if it is strictly a wednesday kit.

John said...

I see what you did there: no new merchandising, but showing off your new t-shirt and sticker...nice. Or have they been around already?

kale said...

I've always wondered what to do with those Nitto randonneur bars on long, slow trips. I'll be able to serenade my fellow travelers by drilling fingerholes and installing a mouthpiece where my computer used to be.

My Rambouillet will be the proverbial Tom Bombadil once again...

Shoemaker said...

I do need more Art-Seeing related clothing.

Jim N (as opposed to just Jim) said...

To me, the toe clips on that Bob Jackson are the sad part. They say, "this bike will never see a velodrome". So he bought a really hard-to-ride bike, taped the parts of the bars he will never use, and then came to his senses, but he still can't bare to fully give up the fantasy.

AskReamer said...

if one were to wish to purchase only an art seeing or lounging smock, how would he go about doing so?

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, un-marketing, interesting. I predict a not-too-distant smock sale!

Moammar said...

I dispute the pretentiousness of the middle English Chaucer. I don't think there's anything less pretentious than Chaucer. You don't score any hipness points by being able to read it, so why would anyone pretend to?

Unlike, for instance, Camus. As for Medieval literature, toting the Decameron around is pretentious.

Beyond that, when you penetrate Chaucer's (gorgeous) language, it's not esoteric. It's funny and dirty, the hallmarks of all quality literature.

I am often spotted pedaling about, declaiming from the prologue: "Whan that Apryll, with his shoures soote," etc. etc. etc.

Mark said...

In the 20s?

Anonymous said...

anon1st

Anonymous said...

damn you guys are fast...

Toothless Redneck said...

My BSNYC/RTMS Wednesday Afternoon Recreation Kit also includes some toilet paper and a bottle of Jergens lotion.

sharpE said...

Wednesday afternoon's are for sandbaggers and dopers.

HIGH NOON

Judi said...

I like the Wednesday afternoon kit the best. Whose bong is that?

Hey, FYI - tattoos ARE removable. I had several removed via laser. Hurts like MF and is 4x's as expensive as getting the tattoo itself, but way worth it. Hey, what are you gonna do when you have FUCK OFF tattooed on your leg and you're now 30 years old with a respectable job....right?

Commiecanuk said...

Commie's Canadian friday lounging kit:

1.One BSNYC smock, not to be worn with pants or any leggings.

2. One pound of peameal bacon.

4. One DVD of the entire first season of "Trailer Park Boys".

5. One "suitcase" of Molson Export (that's a 12-pack with handle for you southern types)

and finally,

6. 500ml of pure Maple Syrup and Frilly's phone number.

For the pretentious cultural version of this, just replace peameal bacon with a Margaret Atwood novel, and the TPB DVD with CBC radio's "wine country" show, and Frilly's number with any gay guys' number, we have lots.

Polygraf said...

Did i miss something? when did you put Seal on your art seeing smock?

wishiwasmerckx said...

I assume that any lit major might have a hardback copy of Chaucer, but that only someone whose "real" job is as a writer would have a Poe bobblehead.

Anonymous said...

Snob, is that Seal or Major Taylor? My racist ass cannot tell the difference.

dmitri fofonov said...

Babuska tell me you Americans very lucky to have man like Obama. She call him "Gorbachov in reverse", someone who take counntry from corrupt capitalism to workers paradise. She tell me it makes for good humor that she dream of return of Soviets but workers reform comes to America before Kazakhstan.

Do not be angry with me. I do not believe in political solutions. Bottle of vodka, consumed abruptly and with fervor, make all of us more or less equal.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Commie, does the Canadian Bacon Board approve of you calling it "peameal" in a comment meant to be seen south of the border?

lwkwafi said...

We didn't always know what he was saying...but we always knew what he meant.

Wa-da-tah, Bikesnob, wa-da-tah.

Anonymous said...

I guess in China, they don't say, "Let's go out for Chinese food," do they? So in Canada, it's just "bacon?"

red neckerson said...

commiecommie fuck you if you werent such an elitist dumbass youd read louis lamour. john wayne could kick your commie ass right now and hes been dead for 20 years damit. i hope you get dry humped by barney the purple dinosaur.

Anonymous said...

Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.


Is this full-circle with the whole rosebud thing?

kale said...

Louis L'Amour be the most pretentious western novelist evah!

Anonymous said...

"INVISIBLE NYC is an exclusive, appointment only tattoo studio and art gallery."

that sounds kinda pretentious. do I need an appt to see the art?

I like judi's honesty.

I like anon 2:08's honesty, too.

commiecanuk's "we have lots" i could do without

Anonymous said...

aah, dumb but sincere question: why do clips mean the bike won't be used on the velodrome?

Anonymous said...

biggie shorty!

I love Louis CK.

Jonathan L said...

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/bik/882875672.html

Commiecanuk said...

red neckerson, are you implying dinosaurs existed? Is this a crisis of faith?

Wasn't John Wayne Rock Hudson's lover? or was that Gene Autry? I get confused. It's Donnie Osmond and Tom Cruise, right?

julian, Bubbles and Ricky said...

This f**king red neckerson guy is one f**kign smart c*cks*ker.

Enhancement Smoker said...

With a recreation kit like that...bong and a copy of Pootie Tang...it's NO WONDER you're such a funny writer!

That doesn't happen to be a "Ironic Orange Julius" bong, does it? It kind of looks like a Serotta.

Me, I have a bong made by Calfee...carbon-wrapped bamboo. We call it "The Bamboozler" for somewhat obvious reasons.

Anonymous said...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,320469,00.html

Commiecanuk said...

Wasn't Rosebud the name of Lance's lost testicle? now only Francis remains.

barney said...

Come join me and my friends!

red neckerson said...

what did the big old bronkosauris say to t. rex?

EAT ME!

Critical Ass said...

can't stop the dancing chicken

Stephen Jay Gould said...

I think you mean brontosaurus, 'bronkosauris' is your pickup truck's name.

Brontosaurus' natural predator was Truckasaurus, which can bee seen this saturday! at the fairgrounds!

Saturday!
Saturday!

Philboy said...

Major Taylor is the Nonplussed Journalist? Hunh?

T. Miller said...

Tee hee quod she.

I Ride a girls bike said...

SMOMKE WEED EVERYDAY

brent said...

bahahahahaha

frilly said...

Only Canada's best. None of that Mrs. Butterworth's or Log Cabin bs.

eggywootah said...

LESS CRAP

Heidi Klum said...

I approve this message!

Arugula Obama said...

Mark Growden playing the handlebars is really something you have to see to appreciate.

He's amazing on his main instrument, the accordion, too. His recorded stuff all leaves something to be desired.

He's like the opposite of Portishead.

Dave said...

I need an art seeing/ lounging smock as well!

Anonymous said...

Ownership continuum.
Aluminum residuum.
Pootie Tang vacuum.

Mini owner from Europe said...

Gazette article cites claims of "glamorizing pot-smoking". This blog is nothing else.

Hihi, written under the influence...

red neckerson said...

eggywootah
i knew less crap less crap was a friend of mine eggywootah, you are no less crap

ps fuck you pss go hump a dinosaur

bikesgonewild said...

...red...

...i went to school w/ the crap brothers, mo & less...

...didn't know 'em socially, though...

Gnarles Darwin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gnarles Darwin said...

Judging by the appearence of the indoor outdoor looking carpet and the brown Ottoman, it would appear that BSNYC lives in his parents basement.

leroy said...

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR WOULD-BE BSNYC SPOTTERS

Please be advised that numerous riders at this weekend's Tour de Bronx will be balancing Riverside Editions of Chaucer on handlebars adorned with Poe bobbleheads and wearing jerseys with Werner Herzog DVDs in the back pocket.

Not all of them can be BSNYC.

Sorry to disappoint, but obsessed BSNYC spotters have only themselves to blame.

I mean honestly, the similarities between the Canterbury pilgrimage and cycling the South Bronx are obvious.

And well documented:

On Specialized, from every shires ende,
From Brookalond to The Bronx they wende....

Well nine and twenty [inch wheels] in a compaignye,
Of sundry folke, by aventure y-falle,
In fellawship, and pilgrims were they alle....

*****

Ride safallye this weekende alle.

And if you spot me, say howdy. I'll be the guy whose Chaucer gripping knuckle tats read NEVA' MORE.

(BSNYC -- that was close. You've got to be more careful with this anonymity thing.)

Jim said...

Whan that Snobbe with his wordes sweet,
The Interneught of Gore hat parced to the roote,
And bathed every hipster in goldyn licour,
Of which PBR digested is the fleur,
Whan that Sheldon hath breathed his laste
Hath Snob inspired into ever’y laptop, iphonae and server,
His tendre criticisms, and the Pista’ed ones
Hath in the Craiges Lyste their halve cours yronnerun,
And swyvved haters hath the balles ysuckked;
And them that slepen al the nyght in Williams Burghe;
(so priketh hem hypsters in hir corages),
Thanne longen folk for Allye Cattyes voyahges,
And freestylers for to seken straunge blondes,
To ferne halwes faraway rondes, to Qywwnes, yJersye, and sondry londes;
And specially from very Brooklyne’s endes
Fromme Hoboken to East Village they wende,
The blisful Bikesnob for to seke,
To kicken hys arse, for tryinge to holpen the geeks.

frilly said...

Hi Jim, just wanted to say I almost had a serious accident of the personal nature when I read your comment to Andy Anderson regarding his use of Mad Alchemy embrocation.

Classic.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Gnarles,

If only they had a basement--I'm on a convertible sofa in the living room. (If you can call this "living.")

--RTMS

cyclotourist said...

@Judi: What kind of respectable job won't let you wear pants?

Anonymous said...

I need a new art viewing shirt, anyway...

Mongo Pusher said...

"Whan that aprill with his shoures soote, the droghte of march hath perced to the roote...pass the dutchie on the left hand side"

Robert Carr said...

i need a new water pipe more than i need a new art viewing t-shirt, but it's gonna come in a set then what the heck?

Critical Ass said...

OK...can I mix and match the items in the Pretentiousness Kit and the Recreation Kit? I'll take the t-shirt, the bong (in Reynolds 853 if available), and substitute the Herzog for the Pootie Tang. I've just seen it WAY too many times. Depending on the quality of the herb, you might want to throw in some Mark Growden too. I've been sitting here all night in my underwear with a pair of 40 cm 3TTT's and I can't even come close to Growden's sound. He Portishead's Third has been in my CD changer way too long anyway.

acquiesce808 said...

your langster sonata is interesting, and it seems has already been appropriated into performance art:

http://www.gtbicycles.com/usa/eng/manuals

Anonymous said...

Handlebars for a horn, frame for percussion, a finely tuned AYHSMB wheel for strings should make for an excellent trio...

...ready for a BSNYC cap!

bikesgonewild said...

...dmitri 'freakin' fofonov...

...the love child of fyodor dostoevsky & yakov smirnoff...

...tragically comedic & comically tragic...

stream of nothing said...

thanks for another week of finely tuned enlightenment! and for the lack of merchandise.

Anonymous said...

Jim, I actually had to look up what holpen meant...

Well done with the pretense.

Anonymous said...

In my continuing quest to "BLS"(Be Like Snob) I have spent a good portion of my weekly compensation on

The Riverside Chaucer: Geoffrey Chaucer

tjan said...

Yeah, yeah, Mark Growden is pretty good. But better than this?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0fxKs7EBg8

A four year old girl in Amsterdam. Note three different bars...ooh.

Anonymous said...

stick to bike commentary, bike snob, Oskar Kokoschka makes stevil's work look like Bazooka Joe comics. seriously. that brickwork looks like it is straight outta Snoop Dog's first album cover. S'weak mon...

Parantar said...

i love the art... best artist!

Anonymous said...

It being Sunday morning, I must, as a tri-geek, attempt to ride with control (which I don't have) during a group ride with roadies. They're doomed.

SloMoJoe said...

What's the hardest part of training for a tri?

Having to tell your parents that you're gay.

Sorry.

Anonymous said...

How does one go about getting such a smock

Jim said...

Anon 11:01 - I'm swyvven impressed you looked up holpen, ya little coillen. You've the makings of a fine B/B+ medieval lit student in you. Don't let anybody tell you different.

Anonymous said...

SloMoJoe 2:46 pm -

Don't be sorry. I appreciate your misdirected assistance. I'm sure coming out was difficult for you, but I'm not gay and therefore don't need to worry about that. Thanks for your words of experience, though, and know that we all accept you for who you are!

drunkingham said...

Snoops brickwork has long served as unflinching inspiration, and the commentary serves as high praise indeed.

Anonymous said...

bike snob, please comment on the DELUGE of bikes on craigslist, MANY of which have barely been ridden... is this the beginning of the collapse of the bike market? who are all of these people? they all seem to mention they are moving...

Critical Ass said...

Anon 8:23-

Bicycles are large and cumbersome. They rarely fit into a moving van or U-Haul, even with modern quick-release wheels. USPS and other couriers such as Fed Ex and UPS refuse to handle them so as not to expose their workers to undue back strain.

If you own a bicycle, it is not advisable to attempt to move it along with your other belongings, should you decide to relocate. It is a better idea to sell it to a potential owner that will appreciate it has only been "ridden like 5 times".

If you need sell the bike, Craigslist is the place to get it done. Let the buyer know what kind of breaks it has, if it is a steal frame or made out of some other type of material, and whether or not the peddles are included.

The size is also important. Nobody cares how many centimeters the seat tube is. They want to know if it will fit them. A Pinarello Prince will fit someone 5'6" to about 6'4" if you are 6'1" and it "fits you perfect".

Stay tuned for more bike sellin' tips such as how to showcase the "Fixed Gear Potential" of your gas pipe Huffy.

Anonymous said...

At anon 8:29

tons of entry level clunkers mostly... that and way over priced stuff. like the quickbeam driven only twice in the park...

kale said...

Stolen Deep-V's

Ultra teerain bike

Helmet-hardly used

Prototypical IRO salesmanship

Behold the void that is our Nation's capital craigslist!

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to alert you to the fact that the producers of hipster cysts also provide faux knuckle tattoo gloves for people who cannot commit to one single eight letter statement for life, yet want that hipster je-ne-sais-quoi. Ok, so the messages so far are the fairly run-of-the-mill "ride hard" and "love-hate", but the potential is limitless. I envision knuckle tattoo gloves with blank spaces and glue-on letters to suit the consumer's tastes and preferences. Check out for yourself on http://www.knog.com.au/Product.aspx?productId=186

Anonymous said...

DFL

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