Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Indignity of Commuting by Bicycle: The Dog Days

Years ago, as I swept the sidewalk in front of a local store on a sweltering summer day (not pro bono, mind you--I actually worked in the store), I gazed up at the hazy sky and contemplated my lot. Just then, a co-worker about four times my age stepped outside to have a cigarette and joined me. He leaned against a parking meter or something, regarded me meaningfully, wiped the sweat from his forehead and said, "these are the dog days."

Indeed they were, and indeed they are. I still hear his voice on days like today, when it's hot, it's been hot for awhile, and people seem to have only two modes--moving slowly, and fighting with each-other. I certainly heard it yesterday during my commute. It actually compelled me to stop on a Chinatown sidewalk, cool down, observe the street scenes I usually just ride past, and once again contemplate my lot. Unfortunately, though, my contemplations were drowned out by the sounds of a nearby homeless man engaging in his morning expectorations, so I just got back on my bike and started riding again lest I be forced to witness his blackened lung actually emerging from his mouth like a balloon covered in seaweed.

Still, though, these are definitely the dog days. It's been a long season. Even the pros are feeling it:

After grimacing across the finish line having vomited in his mouth from the effort, American Dave Zabriskie said he thought the course was not ideal for time trial specialists.

That's right, Dave Zabriskie threw up in his mouth a little bit--the same way everyone else did when he released a chamois cream named after his own crotchal region. Cadel, too is feeling it:

"With everything that's gone on in the last three months - I had tendonitis, a huge crash in the Tour de France, defending the yellow (jersey) with only one leg and breaking my anterior cruciate ligament - I was on crutches for three or four days after the Tour," he said.

Indeed, the dog days of summer have driven Cadel Evans, the John Coltrane of excuses, to finally take his excuse-making into the "sheets of sound" phase. It's one thing to blame injuries, but to flat out claim you only had one leg in the Tour de France (yes, I know he's being metaphorical, but I prefer to read it literally) is a statement bold and surreal enough to qualify as art. As time goes on, I hope Cadel adds to his exquisitely-wrought excuse canon. Perhaps he can also say he didn't have a bike, and that he was blind. Maybe he could also tell a tale of how a Succubus came to him in the night and stole his spirit, and how he was forced to waste an entire rest day journeying to the Carpathian mountains in order to retreive it.

But really, who can blame Cadel? Riding your bike every day can become drudgery if you don't take steps to keep it interesting. I myself just put new tires on the ironic Orange Julius bike in order to put that proverbial spring back into my step. Actually, they weren't "new" tires, they were just different old tires. (An essential part of the IOJB's irony is that it does not ever receive new parts.) They were also knobbies, which I had consigned to the recesses of my parts bin as they had become excessively worn. However, I recently had a revelation, which is that a worn knobby is simply a new slick, so I excitedly re-shod the IOJB with them. And I'm glad I did, because not only do I feel like I'm riding a new bike, but there's also still enough residual knobbiness left for them to make that meditative Om-like humming sound on the pavement, thus reinvigorating my sun-baked soul.

In fact, I was feeling so vigorous that I took an entirely different route through Brooklyn to get to Manhattan. Sure, it was still incredibly irritating, but it was irritating in a totally different way. I even took the dreaded Williamsburg Bridge (mostly because I was afraid of encountering the guy on the Manhattan Bridge with the dog brake again). And while I didn't encounter anybody employing hairy mammals as brakes (their own legs excluded), I did encounter the world's most misaligned frame:


It may not look like much in this admittedly blurry and poor picture, but I can assure you that in person this frame was so tweaked it was disorienting. (I've added a little red bracket to emphasise the planar disparity between the front and rear wheels.) Lest you think it's simply the angle of the photograph, rest assured I examined the bike from every angle, and I promise you there's not an axis of symmetry to be discerned from any one of them. Looking at this bike was like looking over the edge of a really tall building, or at this. I don't know what happened to this bicycle, but I really hope this guy wasn't on it when it did.

In order to reorient myself, I had to look at a more run-of-the-mill bicycle:

As I've pointed out before, the popularity of Brooks saddles and their high price relative to the cost of the inexpensive bicycles they're usually affixed to has resulted in a new phenomenon: locking your saddle instead of your front wheel. I'm not sure why you wouldn't just lock the saddle as well both wheels, but perhaps the owner is looking for an excuse to purchase an Aerospoke. Then maybe he can try to set some kind of speed record.

By now I had regained my bearings. I was also back in familiar territory--the bike lane, with a salmon coming right at me:

The only thing more alarming than the approach of a bike salmon who seems more interested in contemplating his 27-inch front tire than the person heading at him with the right of way is the revelation that the bike salmon has also committed the hideous stylistic faux-pas of using what appear to be flop-and-chop handlebars with suicide brake levers:

Yeah, I was really pleased that this guy had a choice of four levers not to pull when he didn't see me. Actually, I'm hoping Cadel sees this. Maybe he can claim he was using the same handlebars, and they cost him the Tour.

132 comments:

mr.complaint said...

Waaa????

Anonymous said...

in there!

Anonymous said...

levi

joe said...

on the outside looking in

Anonymous said...

jeez

Anonymous said...

top 10...

Oettl said...

hello!

mary poppins said...

: /

Mongo Pusher said...

Kirchen!

Anonymous said...

OMG Top Ten

Anonymous said...

10?

Anonymous said...

Read the article! bike salmon, yumm!

HampCo said...

i used the phrase "dog days" in conversation yesterday with a pal and all i got was a blank stare. thanks for validating my existence.

leroy said...

Note to self: No eating lunch while reading BSNYC.

But hot in NY? It's only hot when the junkies wear short sleeves.

Oh okay, last night was a slow ride home (can't beat heat and a headwind) and I didn't even have the energy to do more than smile and wave at the tourists in the bike lane on the Brooklyn Bridge.

Funny thing. They smiled, waved back and got out of the lane.

Who woulda thunk it?

ant1st said...

First!

manicallday said...

Serious question...what are areospokes good for? I was thinking about building a bike specifically for the w&o trail which runs from DC to Leesburg VA. I currently single speed the trip, which is about 45 miles each way. The trail's grade is pretty consistent, but the wind can be burdensome. So would aerospokes work for something like this?

Anonymous said...

Mazal Tov!

mr.complaint said...

DZ-NUTS has Masterwort?

Does that cause or prevent HPV?

manicallday said...

Never mind. Those damn things cost over $250!

Bikeslob 80220 said...

As I ride through Denver's Capitol Hill neighborhood every morning, I get to observe hipster fashion in a rather mutated form. Mutated because it has traveled across 2/3 of a continent to get from W'burg to our own little enclave of freelance graphic artists, freelance web designers, and hosts from trendy restaurants.

Over the past several months I have noticed a surprising number of hipsters opting out of the fixie club by just riding a crappy old 10-speed....with kickstands, suicide levers, stem-mounted shifters, stamped dropouts, etc. I blame it on Juno. Even more disturbing is the number of chop'n'flop bars that are showing up on crappy old geared 10-speeds from the 70's. If they are going to abandon the messenger culture, why not abandon it all the way? For Denverites, I rarely observe this phenomenon south of 6th Ave or east of Colorado Blvd. I am surprised not to have seen it in the Highlands yet, since that is the douchiest neighborhood in town of late.

Self-appointed expert on the subject said...

"salmon", that's funny.

Strayhorn said...

Looks like those cheap-ass "safety levers" that came on every drop-bar bike during the 70s boom.

Regular riders took them off right after they stripped off the size sticker. Really picky riders took a hacksaw to the mount as well.

Anonymous said...

So that's why Cadel missed Leadville. Among others.

Anonymous said...

Salmon, sounds very similar to shalom, hmmm...

Lisa said...

"the John Coltrane of excuses..."

I am slain.

Dtown said...

re: 80220 @ 1:28

Hey, I'm in the Highlands, douche! OK, you're mostly right on that call. I do have one brake on my flop 'n chops (chop 'n flops?), but that's because I've had the bike for a while. If you watch craigslist you'll see the only bikes you can find are the old 10-speeds w/ downtube shifters & safety/suicide brakes(breaks) like you mention...and the prices go up every day for some damn reason.

Poor hipsters are priced out of the fixed market, and the dork market very soon.

Frey said...

I rather enjoy my suicide/safety levers. No matter what position my hands are in on the bars, I can apply the brakes. It's great for riding in traffic. Now all I need is a FLMBL so I can be safe while two-hand texting.

Sprocketboy said...

Succubus...Cadel Evans. It all starts to make sense now.

Anonymous said...

Yep, hipsters are adopting sears brand 10 speeds here too. Can't wait till I'm outdated and uncool(again) instead of that poser with a front brake.

Bikeslob 80220 said...

dtown-

East Side forever, yo. I'm in Park Hill (the bad part).

If you want to find a good buy on a used bike Denver CL is not the place to go. I bought a Trek 330 (True Temper cro-mo) for $40 a couple weeks ago at a pawn shop in Iowa while I was visiting family. Totally rideable, adjusted, wheels true...just needed new tires. In Iowa, that's an old 12-speed. Around here it is um...a Classic/Vintage 1988 Trek 330 w/ deep horitontal dropouts, steel is real $200. Add your own Brooks B-17. We don't do Aerospokes in Denver yet, but BSNYC is keeping us ahead of the curve on how to make fun of them when they arrive.

short hair said...

snobby - everyones a critic so here goes mine. If you leave your camera on sport or action setting you may be able to get these exciting action shots in better focus.

... just sayin'

Joseph said...

Hey- that "tweaked" frame is mine... It got like that from all the one legged pedaling drills I do, and of course my massive power output.

Next week I'll switch to my left leg drills and it'll be back to normal, so no worries.

Anonymous said...

Bike salmon, heh, heh--you crack me right up.

Currently in Albq. we are overrun by the newbie fixers--some cat was blathering along about his new set-up in the coffee shop the other day. I wanted to smack him upside the head and ask him if he ever even thought about the various attributes of older bike frames before last year.

Mark said...

What is a Salmon? Besides the fish - you city fellers are always making up new words for such simple things.

Does the guy on the salmon have a passenger riding with him or is that just the mystery leg? Kind of like that hand holding up the bike from one of the FGG posts?

I don't think knobbies will liven up my commute but if I see anymore construction grafiti: CBYD it will be too soon.

Anonymous said...

Bleating sheep. All of you.

Shame about that sweeping job. Must have been awful working with a 60 year old chain smoker still stuck in the same gig. I would say that story could well be the definition of boring.

I was recommended this blog by a friend and have trolled the archives. He is now my one-armed friend.

So, you don't like the fixed gear culture and commuting by bike in the city is hard.

Oh, and people are basically stupid and naive.

I'll check back in 6 months and see what's changed besides your hematocrit. Nobody can stand losing forever.

Jim said...

I was on crutches for three or four days after the Tour," he said.

Hey, I know they're *just* domestiques, i.e. support riders, but isn't it bad form to for him to refer to Hoste, Popovich, Aerts, Vansevenant and the other poor bastards who have to haul him around as "crutches"?

Jim said...

Anon 2:11 - that commentary of yours was sparkling, alive with transcendent meaning and a writing style that practically danced on the LCD screen. My God, man, where do you get such intellect and insight? You should write about cycling for the NY Times. It's a can't miss.

Ps. We know it's you, Cadel Evans. Could you please go back to narrowly losing, slapping photographers, and making excuses for yourself? Isn't it enough that you're giving Australia a bad name? Can't you leave teh intarwebs alone? Thanks to child pr*n and spam it's got enough problems; it doesn't need you and your crutches.

leroy said...

Anon 2:11 PM:

Baaa.

You have a friend? Are you sure?

c_c_rider said...

cadel is back home consoling himself with his guitar, crappy microphone and camera that he won for second place back in july.

Anonymous said...

Snob,

this post is entertaining as usual (salmon, hee hee!), I love these little insights into big city bike culture.

thanks and please keep it up,
your hillbilly fan in
fayetteville, wv

wishiwasmerckx said...

Were you relaying a Greg LeMond moment when your much older co-worker regarded you "meaninfully" all those years ago, or was it just a garden-variety typo?

Anonymous said...

I will now spend the weekend referring to things and people as the John Coltrane of ______.

tex said...

Ah, Jim, I think you are right. I had thought at first, mainly from the intellectual power in evidence, that 2:11 was that idiot Kevin, but now it seems so obvious. Hell, even Kevin has some brain cells left.

Anonymous said...

I guess I'm not completely sure. He could be plotting my downfall...I suppose.

Kind of like how I'm plotting yours. Rest assured, every bad thing that happens to you in the next 5 years is my doing.

goody said...

noice.

funny stuff.

anon 2:11, you're a douche nozzle. chill out, funboy.

Anonymous said...

My dog is no brake.... PEAGLE POWER!

I get ALOT of uptight people commenting that I am working my dog too hard. Yes, I know your dog can't run around the block without getting winded. Maybe that has something to do with the fact it has the same sloth lifestyle as you do, riding the couch and overeating? Kira is SIKED to shred.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know it could happen, but, goody has rendered me speechless.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Short Hair,

It was on that setting! The camera is not the problem--it's the photographer.

Anonymous 2:11pm,

Awesome comment. Now the world knows you've been here and didn't like it. I've calendared your return and am looking forward to it.

--RTMS

Boz said...

This post was tough for pure commenter, especially one legged ones such as me.
gob

Commiecanuk said...

What's worse? that Cadel uses the excuse of his torn ACL or that he tore the ACL at a post-TDF party?
WTF, they guy can't even drink properly, he likely tried to open his own beer without a domestique and ended up tearing his ACL.

Shorty...I still like the Sasquatchiness(copyright 2008)of those photos. however, now that Sasquatch is proven to be real, we may need to chip in for an autofocus camera instead of the current 1958 Campagnolo Super Photographica Camera BSNYC currently uses.

leroy said...

Anon 2:41 PM:

Oh dear, that almost set me back in therapy.

Fortunately, you can't take credit for my bad luck for the next five years.

I broke a mirror not too long ago and still have more than six years of bad luck to go on that.

Sorry.

(Note to self: must remember to avoid mirrors while wearing lycra.)

Scott said...

WTF is wrong with Cadel? He's a former MTBer; he should know that the crash he had in the TdF wasn't anything close to a huge crash.

Anonymous said...

gifted writer, special photographer

Anonymous said...

*yawn*

Gerchof Sirdribeldik said...

In homeland of mine dog day refers to using animal to service carnal needs because no female no want to.

Anonymous said...

You didn't calendar my return you big liar.

Oh, you were being sarcastic.

I can't see you lowering yourself to the likes of getting into a verbal dispute with me. Not outside of the bike lanes of NYC anyways.

You've been searching for ironic bikes. If only this blog could embody a bicycle the search would be over. I'm sure you'd admit it. It wouldbe so...ironic.

It's called: State the Obvious.

And comedians have been doing it for years.

Ironic that your readership thinks that this is some kind of bold and controversial ip address.

Or maybe not, maybe it's exactly what we should come to expect.

I dunno, I'll figure it out by my appointment.

frilly said...

anon 2:49--Love the video, especially the riding in the woods. I taught my cat how to fetch a little fake mouse. It is the greatest ever, laying on the couch throwing the little mouse over & over. Taffy just never gets tired of it. The only break she gets is when I want to eat another doughnut.

Just kidding! About the couch & doughnuts anyway, I really did teach the cat to fetch.

And I watched the video twice. She is an awesome dog.

tex said...

Well now I don't know. If there were gratuitous "uhs" and "bikesnobs" thrown in there, it might have been OC. Definitely has the "this is your brain on drugs" feel to it, at least.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and a "Note to Self" need not be posted publicly.

Oh wait, there's more of that irony we are all searching for.

Good thing I'm here to point it out.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Snob --

The fact that you a) know who the hell John Coltrane is, b) Are able to reference the "wall of sound" description, and c) use it in a way that is spot-on accurate made me damn near miss an on-air break here at the radio station because I was laughing so hard. In your honor, sir. I will be playing "Blue Train" momentarily. .

Excellent work yet again.

Oh, and Lisa from 1:40 who said:

'"the John Coltrane of excuses..."

I am slain.'

Girls know jazz? Really? Will you marry me?

tex said...

Too good a speller to be Kevin.

Anonymous said...

http://www.velonews.com/photo/81675

How's that for wacked out handlebars?

abelgus said...

Not being able to find an old set of Mavic Cowhorn bars I had lying around, I was on the way out to my shop to chop and flop an old set of bars - no lie, right this minute! I passed my computer and checked for the third or fourth time today for the latest BSNYC post, only to find that chopping and flopping is really douche. I had my good reason - I have had this old fixed gear for 14 years (we were supposed to ride them to smooth out pedal stroke) and wanted to ride in a more upright and less road way. Now I feel like and standing on the bridge of uncool and waiting to jump. It is now 3:46 EST. Is somebody doesn't tell me why F&C is so crappy I will cut my bars at 4:20 - I AM NOT KIDDING AROUND!!!

lemming said...

because he says so

Jewish mother said...

Albegus...F&C sucks because you'll poke an eye out with that thing.

Dr. Smith, D.V.M said...

Because there's too much dog penis in the world as it is

Anonymous said...

No, F&C sucks because they sell bullhorns. If you are too broke to buy new handlebars when you want them then get off the interweb and get another job.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Abelgus,

Hey, cut if you must, just don't use suicide levers with them.

--BSNYC

PS: Any significance to the 4:20 deadline? Will you incorporate the severed portion of the bars into a device for smoking marijuana?

Anonymous said...

Are you serious?

Did our illustrious blogger really just say that?

That was the opposite of irony. That was the most obvious comment/question in the history of internet culture.

4:20 = Weed.

This is bold new ground. This is Andy Kaufman type material.

Unless he is actually anxiously awaiting the response.

That would be irony writ large.

Commiecanuk said...

4:08, the bars are waiting for a stay of execution.


Oooooo..bad news, the Governor is a Bush.

tex said...

Probably Ry'on, bike rack inventor extraordinaire. That would fit the pattern that is becoming tiresome.

Anonymous said...

Bikeslob 80220:
Only white people who move into minority neighborhoods refer to parts as "bad parts". Clearly you're a tourist there, because someone born and raised in that part would likely not call it the "bad" part of Park Hill. Or maybe you're not a tourist, and you're someone who wanted to buy a house with character for not much money (a FIXER UPPER! :))), a person who had the foresight to know that it was an up-and-coming neighborhood and you'd get a good return on your investment, or a douchey combination of those two.

Are you and your family from the "bad" part of Iowa?

Here's to white folks keeping it real in the gentrified hood!

Sincerely,
Someone who knows your "bad" part of Park Hill is about as "bad" as the area by Chubby's in the Highlands. Duck and cover!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:11/3:26/4:01pm,

Just so you know, your frequent comments and eager anticipation of my replies to those comments not only obviates your insults, but also further emboldens me as a blogger.

Anyway, almost 4:20. Finally!

--RTMS

bikesgonewild said...

...dear constantly annoying anonymous poster...

...listening to your "oh so clever" "scathing" retorts to the bsnyc/rtms's comments while you have yer head up yer ass is rather like being in a bathyspere looking out at nothing but an ocean of crap...

...such a deep mind...& nothing in it but shit...thanks for sharing...

abelgus said...

I just checked back at 4:10 on my way by the computer. - The bars are off the bike, but still no cutting done. Not doing a TTMBL or FLMBL - just puttin a lever on the left flat. Yes I was anxiously awaiting a reply and appreciate hearing back - I won't poke my eye out, no irony intended but who says irony is intentional, am not Ry'on. Just to be sure pls clarify suicide levers - tnx

Anonymous said...

Is that the argument? That the stage is too small?

Well, we both know you are way more obsessed with letting people know what you think than I am.

But I thought I was just shouting at the wind. Who knew I had the power to "embolden"

And yes, I eagerly await your response. What am I going to do? I can't count on the rest of these people, if we are still calling them that from atop our thesaurus fortresses, to supply an inspired reply.

I'm amazed you acknowledged me at all. Such a wonderful world of subtle possibility.

Bikeslob 80220 said...

Anon 2:11

If you have such a problem with sheep, then get the fuck out of the barnyard.

leviathan said...

"lest I be forced to witness his blackened lung actually emerging from his mouth like a balloon covered in seaweed."

Poetry.....pure poetry.

Anonymous said...

See, see what I mean.

Anonymous said...

" Perhaps he can also say he didn't have a bike, and that he was blind."

Beautiful.

frilly said...

Fire it up!-

Damn-4:38-always late to the party.

Bikeslob 80220 said...

Frilly-

You didn't miss much. We just ate some stale Cheetos and listened to Bob Marley's Legend for the 987th time.

Anonymous said...

Man, i sure wish Marley had made another record after Legend.

abelgus said...

4:40 DONE

BSNYC RTMS I see what you mean about the severed portion (drop offs) they do look a little like...smoking device... Too much additional work required to make them a legitimate recycle tho.

Anonymous said...

Wait the Governor just called

Anonymous said...

Legend is just a greatest hits thing that every stoner purchases between ages 18 and 20

Uncle Grumpy said...

anon 2:11: I'll bet your carefully-rehearsed "I'm so above all this" schtick works about as well in real life as it does here, you humorless fuck. We're not laughing WITH you, we're laughing AT you.

leroy said...

Anon 4:30 PM --

You're not shouting in to the wind.

You're peeing.

There is a difference, dear.

amused bystander said...

Ha! Dork uses a thesaurus!

Jim said...

not only obviates your insults, but also further emboldens me as a blogger.

I think you meant "embiggens." It's a perfectly cromulent word, you know.

Ps. CommieCanuck - spot on about the boozed ACL tear. Not only does Cadel fall well short of the Ozzie standard for boozing, he couldn't even pass for a Japanese businessman. Amazing he hasn't been fired from Lotto for violating some Flandrian social taboo against cyclists imitating a whiny 5 year old. I suspect Ronnie Johns could have some fun with Cadel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y

M. Weed said...

Whoa man, thesaurus fortresses... you're like, the like, John Coltrane of metaphors, man.

keith said...

If OC was Anonymous 2:11/3:26/4:01/4:30/4:35pm, then the collabo is well on its way.

M. Weed said...

Anon 2:11 saw Dark Knight a few too many times and thinks RTMS is Batman, and he wants to be the Joker.

tex said...

Whoever this Legend-in-his-own-mind is, I bet he drives a Mini.

Anonymous said...

How is a slight upturn at the end of your bars (f&c) any different thatn a drop bar with standard levers? Just roatat the bars up an inch or so. Lance did it.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Dear annoying anon, I have the perfect pen pal for you. He lives in Ft. Meyers, Fla. In fact, I suspect that you and he are distantly related, although you obviously have the advantage of moderately better schooling, probably the state college instead of the community one. Please grace me with an insult in return. I wait with baited breath.
Cordially yours,
Wishiwasmerckx

bikesgonewild said...

...well used bathysphere & undoubtedly little used fixed gear bike 4 sale...

...inquire anonymously...

Wipeout said...

C'mon anon @ 3:35 PM:

At least get in to the Impulse stuff.

Blue Train? That's a wall of snooze.

Anonymous said...

how much for the bathysphere?

Yours,

Anon

Carlos from Philly said...

The woman in figure two is wearing some sort of long sleeved coat, yet you claim it's a Dog Day.

Is this some sort of riddle? Maybe a clue?
I feel like i'm at one of those "Lost" fan websites...

bikesgonewild said...

...ah, if you have to ask...

AssHat said...

I think I want to have your babies.

Anonymous said...

Sorry for my absence. Looks like I have a lot to answer for.

And thank you for the compliments but I did not go to a state school.

I would like to be The Joker but not metaphorically. People in here who haven't seen The Dark Knight are in the minority so you shame many of us with that assumption. I'll bet you saw it twice.

Whatshisface, I don't know who you are talking about so I don't know if I should be insulted or not. I know I don't like Florida and I will never live there.

I hope you somehow find a way to be Merckx, let me know if you need a good lawyer when you get served with your next restraining order.

I don't drive a mini but I will if it means that much to you.

J.D. Hollerson said...

Ah yes but worse than the flop and chop with suicide levers is the no-flop chop with ultegra sti levers,drop bars with out the drops and unfortunately i don't have a picture. Not quite as bad as the dog brake are the amazing number of people who remove their rear brake on their single speed freewheel bike.

sprider said...

At least kevin had the nuts to sign his name. This anon puke is just asking for an ad hominum attack.

anon 2:49, cool dog! Like Frilly, I have a cat, but he doesn't keep up like that in the woods!

Anonymous said...

Te He, I've been wondering how to approach my local salmon regarding their ignorance.

Audible ridicule in the form of "Salmon!" every time I pass the same schmucks is a start...

Gratzi Snobalicious

Anonymous said...

The single speed, front brake only, poseurs are the bottom feeders of the cycling world.

Yaraslav Popovich said...

Bejesus these little team leaders are so whiny and precious. My last gig we all had to ride with our saddles tilted upwards so to get a general numbness in the crotchital region. This year a tourniquet on our left legs so we could all ride one legged. I waiting to get on to the Team Garmin-Chipotle so I can stuff an enchilada covered with DZ NUTZ down my bibshorts.

Should have listened to my mum and stayed at school longer

Andy Pandy said...

Hey Frills, stop kniting new soxs on the couch with your cat. Mr Rock and Repulsive are over at Pez getting your pair now and will deliver them personally.He is so apple pie now

PS Can you hear someone scream if locked in a bathyspere... just inquirin

g said...

Wow! Right after BF left Manhattan in his(?) Subaru, headed to GA and got hisself killed?!

"they found a dead Bigfoot in the woods of north Georgia"

Mike said...

A recent story in the Washington Post gave the ultimate indignity of commuting by Bicycle - a bike was removed from a bike rack because it was deemed "unsightly". See the blog post here

S - said...

bike salmon, I see it every day - it's as if they stock my river with 'em

bikesgonewild said...

...regarding bathyspheres: you'd never catch me sinking to such depths...


...i only know, that 'in space, no one can here you scream'...been there, done that & i felt so alienated...

Anonymous said...

I'm now selling rides in the Trieste: $5.00 per league. Jules verne is at the helm and everything is groovy.

KevinFtMyers said...

Just for the record...Mr potty mouth thesawrus fortwress guy, is NOT me.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:11 PM

Don't bother checking back.

Riding in the city with the naive and the malicious isn't going to change any time soon.

Oh, yeah fixter culture will not cease to be a suitable target for scorn. Glad these hipsters discovered the bicycle, but what's truly fashionable on a bike is riding it. In other words actually wearing the bike out to where you need to replace components regularly is the hip thing to do. Bike messengers and amateur racers are keenly aware of this fact.

John Coltrane said...

John Coltrane is the John Coltrane of John Coltrane.

Anonymous said...

bikesgonewild...types like... a retard... that is all....
...

....

bikesgonewild said...

...wow...how original...

Pai Mei said...

I don't even live in the city, or in the USA and I still see quite a lot of salmon on the bike paths, mostly students and teenagers.

We also have 14 year old kids on stolen mountain bikes with no brakes, riding on the pavement while racing you, they do not have any kanine brakes either.

At the Anon/Kevin, stop taking everything so personally. For example on the way back from kickboxing, I had braked a little too hard and my brakes squealed rather loudly (probably because I had oiled my chain and was a tit and got some oil on rim).

I then realised there was about 10 attrative women about my age, looking right at me having a giggle at me and my squeeling brakes, outside a local bar. I gave a smile and said "It doubles up as a kinda horn" which I got a giggle from them all, I waved and carried on home.

I would have offended if I had taken it personally, but it would have been amusing if our positions were reversed.

Mr.Hyde said...

The biggest question I have:

WHY does nyc bikesnob not like aerospokes...

because it's a horrid trend or because they are a crappy product which he has used in the past.

Mr.Hyde said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Caaah said...

Autofellatio? Come on, you're giving these guys way to much credit. They're not that ambitious. All they want is for their knees to gently rub their nipples.

Caaah said...

Ahhh! wrong post. oh, well. Its still true.

mander said...

That bit about Cadel being the John Coltrane of excuses is just about the funniest thing I've read on this blog. Nice one.

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