Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Indignity of Commuting by Bicycle: Sounds, Sasquatch, Stupidity, and Specters

Clearly, we're living in tumultuous times. Cops are tackling cyclists. Riccardo Ricco is not only confessing that he took EPO, but he's also outraged that he didn't fail more tests. And methanogens with cytochromes have considerably higher growth yields and threshold concentrations for H2 than methanogens without cytochromes. Whatever the hell that means.

I don't have an explanation for all of these things, but I can explain what's happening in New York City. Simply put, it's hot. Riot scene in "Do The Right Thing" hot. The kind of hot that creates the moist, tropical conditions in your underpants that are ideal for fostering new life forms. So as you'd expect, people are getting angry out there. And when people get angry, things get ugly.

I was pondering this very thing as I propelled myself to work today, only to be torn from my reverie by an urgent horn-honking. It was the kind of honking you hear from team cars as they try to make their way through the peloton to their riders in the break, and it was coming from a large van of the sort upon which you don't go knocking if you see it rocking. It was easy to imagine that inside it might contain an array of bean bags, or a rotating bed, or B.A. Baracus, or possibly all three, and its pistons snarled angrily like Mr. T himself used to while he pitied fools. I couldn't figure out why the driver was honking at me though, and I confess that this combined with the heat made me irritable. So as he passed I kindly told the driver to "Shut up," only I also included a bad word for emphasis. I didn't say it particularly angrily, mind you. Instead, I said it in the same way you'd say it to your friend towards the end of the ride after he's made fun of your Pentabike socks for the millionth time. But yes, I said it, and there was no taking it back.

"I'm just trying not to hit you, dumbass!," he replied.

This threw me for a loop. You'd think there were other devices in the vehicle that he might have employed more effectively if his goal was not to run into me, but apparently by simply sounding an alarm he thought he was doing me a favor. After a brief exchange that was actually fairly civil (apart from the fact that every sentence finished with the word "dumbass") I reflected upon the incident. An then it hit me. Some people are actually so stupid that they think horns make things happen. They actually believe their car comes with a magic button in the middle of the steering wheel that can change reality. Suddenly, I became aware of the constant chorus of beeping all around me--the kind that's always present in a big city, and the kind you simply tune out like you do crickets in the country. In every case, I realized the drivers stuck in traffic all around me were using their horns not to communicate information but simply in a vain attempt to change what was happening to them. It was as though they thought sitting in congestion was a bad TV show, and that by honking they might somehow change the channel and be transported to a clear roadway. I'm not sure where this notion comes from. I don't think there's ever been a traffic jam where somebody beeped and the thousands of others also caught in the traffic jam suddenly realized, "Hey, he's right, we can all just go!" and it was over.

Similarly, honking at me isn't going to change the fact that I'm there, and it's not going to somehow transform me into an ethereal presence that can ride straight through the row of parked cars besides me. Hopefully, someday soon, more people will realize that horns do absolutely nothing except turn people into bleating sheep. Maybe we can get Ralph Nader on the case and he can get horns out of cars the way he got seatbelts into them. The only time a driver ever needs to use his horn is when he's waiting at a light, the light turns green, and the driver in front of him doesn't notice. Then, and only then, a horn is useful. But you don't even need it then. In the horn-free future I think if a driver is stuck in that situation then it's perfectly acceptable after a polite length of time to inch forward and nudge the other person's bumper. Quieter, and way more effective.

My fantasy of a horn-free world almost made me forget the heat, until I was dragged back to reality yet again, this time by a Subaru wagon weaving more erratically than a drunken seamstress. As it forced me towards the sidewalk, I looked over, only to see something horrifying hanging out the passenger window. At first I thought maybe it was a hunk of smoked mozzarella cheese that had been rolled around the floor of a barber shop or something, but on closer inspection it turned out to be the shoulder of the shirtless passenger. Sickened, I realized I had seen something even rarer than a fixed-gear pie plate. I was actually within vomiting distance of the sweaty torso of Sasquatch himself. As the bile rose in my throat, I reached for my camera, but as I withdrew it the car containing the great beast lurched forward. I immediately set off in pursuit, but no thanks to an unlikely--dare I say supernatural--string of green lights I was unable to catch up with it before it escaped into the Holland Tunnel. All I managed was this shot of it careering back out of the bike lane before making a right hand turn from the left hand lane:




I know there's not much to see in this photo, and I know my story is suspect, so I can only assure you that I saw what I saw and leave the rest to you. Note also the Alabama plates. I realize the Sasquatch is supposed to be a Pacific Northwestern phenomenon, but I posit that what I saw was an even rarer Appalachian strain. It's much shorter and squatter (as you can see from the passenger silhouette), and while its fur is sparser than that of it's Pacific Northwestern cousin it is still quite thick I can assure you. And, most horrifically, I think it may have been female.

No sooner had I recovered from the disappointment of missing out on the shot that would have made me world-famous than I encountered yet another heat-addled moron. As I rode in the bike lane, a GMC SUV with Jersey plates pulled over in front of me, stopped, and began backing up. Naturally I assumed I was under attack, and fortunately I was able to escape by weaving around him. Once I stopped however, I realized I wasn't the target. I had actually simply had the misfortune of being too close to the parking space the driver wanted. Only another ape-like creature could be capable of this sort of stupidity, so in hopes of finally getting Bigfoot on film I walked into the space and took a picture:




Note the look of slack-jawed indignation on the driver's face. There may actually be a string of drool hanging from his lower lip as well, though it could also be a trick of the light. Here's a closer look:


As soon as I took the picture the driver and his passenger emerged from the car and demanded angrily to know what the hell I was doing.

"I'm working on a project," I explained. "I'm taking photos of people who almost kill me."

This sent the driver into an agitated state just a few degrees lower than a full boil. As I sat casually on my top tube, he explained some things to me. Firstly, he explained that I was stupid and that while he was doing something important I was out "playing games" on my bike. This upset me. I mean, sure, I had been playing "Flat Out: Ultimate Carnage" on my handheld game console while I was riding, but that's not a game--that's a way of life. He continued his diatribe. He said I wasn't "from Manhattan" but he was. I wasn't sure what this had to do with anything nor what led him to that conclusion. I was about to ask him if being born right across town in Beth Israel Medical Center counted as being from Manhattan but then he finally arrived at his point. "This is the most busiest place in the world and you're riding around on a bike being stupid." The use of "most busiest" in the sentence he used to call me stupid stopped me like a stick in the spokes. All I could do at this point was repeat "most busiest" over and over again like a shock victim. Finally he concluded his speech by telling me that I should thank him for protecting me from getting hurt. I suppose he had a point. I had been quite lucky to have been on the receiving end of so many favors this morning. First a guy in a van beeped at me so he wouldn't run me over, then a guy from Jersey who says he's from Manhattan tried to back into me. Still, I didn't feel lucky. I just felt angry. I told him that he had indeed hurt me and that my brain was now smarting from his retardation. Something told me he wasn't taking that well though, so as it sunk in I opted to ride off before he figured it out and started swinging.

At this point I had no doubt I was running the gauntlet through a mad world driven even crazier by the heat. I only had one goal at this point--to get where I was going as soon as possible without getting into any more trouble. Carefully I made my way along the bike lane, only to encounter a police car parked in it. The officer, clearly driven insane by heat herself, was quite literally staring into the middle of the empty street and writing a ticket to nobody. Here's a picture if you don't believe me:


I was no longer hot. I was no longer irritable. I was terrified. I felt like that guy in "28 Days Later" when he realizes everyone in London has become a flesh-chewing zombie. Note the manic glint in the officer's eye as she spots me. I didn't know if I was about to be tackled or eaten, and I wasn't about to find out either. I put my head down, pedaled hard, and made straight for the nearest air conditioner.

261 comments:

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Professore Fenomeno said...
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Mark said...

Podium Whore?

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

Closer!

Anonymous said...

Pixils whores....hell this is the innerweb....the series of tubes...

Pixil whores everybody...pixils whores... gettit right next time ;)

Anonymous said...

Ant1st you're a crybaby.
Sincerely,
Anonymous

Anonymous said...

I don’t think any cyclist likes being tooted. Looks innocuous enough written down, ‘tooted’. Like that silly song in ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’, ‘Toot Sweets’. But it’s not innocuous and it’s not a friendly reminder to the errant cyclist of their error. It is nothing less than a denial of the cyclist’s right to be on the road.

“Get out off the highway, you vagabond, desist from delaying me, my journey is far more important than yours, look, I am in a car, and you are on a bicycle, isn’t that proof enough that you have no right to impede me in any way?” That’s the message of the horn to the cyclist.

- Buffalo Bill, on MovingTarget, 08/14/06

SD said...

Smarting from your retardation. I'm getting that tattooed on my forehead. That'll show the retards!

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

I hate Jersey boys who say they are from Manhattan because they would make a pilgrimage to Astor place as a kid.
Just say you are from jersey. Nothing wrong with jersey until you say you are from NY when you are not. It makes you sound desperate like a fat chick asking her boyfriend "Am I fat?"

Jeff said...

All I can do after reading that is shake my head in disgust and mumble "Jersey!" in an angry, yet sad way.

Anonymous said...

Some commuter/columnist on some website has gotten good at remembering license plates. When someone puts her life at risk or are super rude she remembers the plate. Then she looks them up in her state DOT website and mails them a letter where SHE apologizes in a creepy but nice way.

Judi said...

I hate being honked at. Last week me and my friend were riding in the country, along a small country road when a motorcycle came up directly behind us and honked so loud, I gave him the finger and tried to spit on the fuckface, but he got too far ahead.

This was a great post, BSNY.

kawika said...

i agree about horns. sometimes it appears that cars sound their horns just to attempt to make riders crash. or so it seems.

Anonymous said...

I hate getting beeped at by motorcycles in LA trying to split lanes faster than me. 25mph isn't fast enough?

Peter said...

Hey Mark :

Podium Whore?

July 31, 2008 12:36 PM

You have nothing better do do eh :^)

Mark said...

I only honk at roadies when they are riding two and three abreast and thus taking up too much of the road and when I do I try not to be overly obnoxious about it where as their hogging the right of way could be described otherwise.

On the flip side, I have been honked at from time to time. At first I thought it was for my body but then I figured since I was riding nearly in the dirt of the shoulder I was taking up to much room for the SMILF in her Hummer to get around me.

I am sticking to back roads!

kurtz said...

That car horn analogy makes perfect sense.

Mark said...

pete 12:36

Second to last day working in Norwalk, then I am back in Danbury with a 10 mile commute, which I am going to try riding every other day and then some!

echuck said...

So yesterday's comments — how come you city boys are dissing mountain biking and randonneuring? I can tell you from experience, both of these "disciplines" blow doors on riding a commuter or fixie in city traffic any day. Until you have experienced touring for weeks at a time, seeing the desert southwest in all its splendor, meeting incredible people and being completely self-sufficient, or riding an epic on perfect singletrack in the high country, you don't know shit. Bikes are bikes, and by you dissing touring or mtb'ing you are being another close minded idiot you so despise. You sound like angry motorists. Get over yourselves for fuck's sake.

From D-town - home of many a pro mtb'er and cyclists that would put you and your top tube pad riding asses to shame.

Anonymous said...

Mark -

wait until it is safe and use part of the oncoming lane for those few seconds it takes to pass, you tosser.

while we're at it, you should give up the whole dirt shoulder and ride in the ditch so us roadies riding 2 and 3 abreast can get past you.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, as always. Thanks again, Mr. BSNY for brightening my day.

Bikeslob 80220 said...

"Most busiest...". Is there a specific name for that type of grammatical error? For example, "I don't got no more boiled peanuts" is an example of a double negative.

I'm all for Nader removing all car horns too. Denver cyclists don't get honked at that much, but I have some ghetto neighbors that like to honk their horns to announce their arrival at the crib. That way, they can pick up their homies to go to the club without having to get out of the car. Lazy assholes.

SD said...

Hey Mark,
As RTMS put it, there is only one response to a car horn, "I don't give a fuck."

Commute 10 miles, each way, every other day? Don't hurt yourself there buddy. Make sure you get lots of electrolytes, and keep some powerbars on hand for bonking.

Ian said...

That jersey twat is non' other than bernie sumner!

http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/5664/barnieparkerwv1.jpg

Surly Bastard said...

Snobby, once again you nailed what it's like cycling in America.

I had to laugh because I have days just like this. Too many in fact. The angry horn honking, the murderous swerve and stop move, the screaming profanity, spitting, bottle throwing, and once an air horn right next to my ear. And I wonder why there's always a string of bad events like these all concentrated on certain rides.

And then I remember.

I have once again thoughtlessly worn the jersey that has the big KILL ME NOW YOU ROTTEN BASTARDS! graphic on the back.

What a dumb-ass.

ant1st said...

First!

moocow said...

"I realized the drivers stuck in traffic all around me were using their horns not to communicate information but simply in a vain attempt to change what was happening to them."

Thank you BikeSnob. Thank you.

I had to drive a car in the city last week/weekend. I found 20-25 mph to be a comfortable speed that felt safe for all and got me where I had to go. I dont think I missed any lights or any part of my life because I traveled at that speed. People were honking, and making some very creative, rude gestures, some with two hands, while still trying to drive faster than me. (while getting no where further than me) The way drivers treat each other, and get agitated when they speed at a light, to have it automatically change on them, shouldnt amaze me that they all seem enraged morons. Go ahead, rush at that red light.

Anonymous said...

bikeslob: 'most busiest' is an example of the 'double superlative' (cp. 'more busier', a double comparative). Ruled out of the language in the 18th century, along with e.g. the double negation you cited, and many other alleged 'imperfections'. I could go on, and on, and on, but won't!

Anonymous said...

I lived next to a 24/7 Jack in the Box. Every night, just after bar closing time (2:00AM in CA) the drive through would fill up with idiots. YEs, they would lean on their car horns as though that would mae the frys cook faster. Usually a hand full of gravel thrown in their direction would shut them up.

Always thought there should be a second horn button on cars that would emit a polite beep so you wouldn't sound like a maniac just because you wanted to give a cyclist or pedestrian a heads up.

Other drivers never hear car horns anyway.

ant1st said...

Anon- thanks for noticing.
Sincerly,
ant1st

Commiecanuk said...

The problem with car horns is that they are one tone to serve many purposes, kind of like talking to someone in California when they use the term , "dude".

Detroit needs to put in multi-purpose car horns. For example:

Move your fuggin' truck: the classic horn

It's 3am and we're leaving a party, so your neighbors should know: "Goodbye, adieu" from the Sound of Music.

Hurry up and get your ass out here, it's hot: "La cucaracha"

I'm coming up fast on some arrogant fixie with an iPhone camera: "The Mexican hat dance."

We toyed with this technology in the early 80's with Mr. Microphone. But things have come a long way since then, we now have Bluetooth, ...even my feet smell better with Bluetooth.

Hey good lookin', we'll be back to pick you up later!

Mark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mark said...

**oops, typo**

sd 1:09

I know 10 miles takes a lot out of you, especially after sitting on your fourth point of contact all day staring at a computer screen and trying to Podium two times in one week! BTW, thanks Snobby for disqualifying Monsieur for hogging up the bike lane.

However, I only ride SS on the road because gears earn less beers. So there is some honor in my book, even if the distance is a mere pittance to what some of you more dedicated roadies ride.

Rather ride dirt than macadam but sometimes you need to succumb to the darkside as a means to an end.

Karl Rover said...

Hopefully you can take advantage of the heat and reenact the ice cube scene from "Do the Right Thing". Wasn't that Rosie Perez?

mplsman said...

I've said it before and I'll say it here, again. Cities need to spend less money on useless bike lanes and paved paths and spend money on public education, public awareness etc. The general public is as unaware of DOT laws regarding bicycles on the streets as they are of how useless honking their horn is. Or for Jersyites.. "honking your horn is the most uselessest thing you can do".

Just making large numbers of people aware that there are laws would be huge...huge I tell you.

Anonymous said...

Glad to see I'm not the only one who dodges death everyday because I ride a bike to work. Gotta love the "favors" people do us...

mr.complaint said...

They have feral hogs in Alabama.
But according to this site it's a non-native species.

http://tinyurl.com/6amxwk

You may be onto something.

specialrider said...

D-town rhymes with P-town.

Kind Of A Big Deal said...

My helmet is off to everyone who rides anywhere in the 5 boros. So glad I moved to NJ.

mary poppins said...

Its a jungle out there, be careful old bean

Marrock said...

I plan on replacing the horn with a PA speaker, that way I can express exactly what sentiment I wish to get across to the others sharing the road.

Anonymous said...

BS, that Ralph Nader reference really dates you. Did you have a bike rack mounted to your Corvair?

echuck said...

specialrider - I lived in P-town a couple of years. Loved it.

Parking Douche said...

Oh, that was yous on that bike today. You really are the most stupidest, I'm super glad I found your blog-thing today so I could read about your adventures. Next time keep your toys off the street and play on the sidewalk where you wont get in the way of my parking. Don't you know my destination is much importanter than yours?

Benny said...

Anon 1:18 and 1:22

What you are looking for is the "horn slap". Trying to slowly ease in the button on your steering wheel will get you a full volume and none to short blast. Instead gently slap the horn button with the heal of your hand. Because you are only sounding your horn for a split second it never quite reaches full volume.

Try it, it sounds much more polite, and is the perfect tool for the stoplight situation snobby talked about.

Anonymous said...

"Bikes are bikes, and by you dissing touring or mtb'ing you are being another close minded idiot you so despise."

Save the self righteous bullshit speech for your local riding partners.

Anonymous said...

"They killed Radio Raheem!!"

Kind Of A Big Deal said...

"BS, that Ralph Nader reference really dates you. Did you have a bike rack mounted to your Corvair?"

---Anon

Snobby must be about 44?

Anonymous said...

The Colorado Dept of Transportation has a nice little saying: "Don't be a road hog". It's part of their Share the Road program.

Looking at the Bicycle law manual, it also says:
"If a bicycle driver is stopped for a traffic violation and the officer has reason to believe
that the bicyclist will not appear in court or the officer is unsure of the bicyclist’s identity,
the officer may arrest the bicyclist and require the bicyclist to post bond."

About horns:
"If you feel that you must toot your horn in advance of passing, please do it from
a friendly distance (several hundred feet), not from directly behind.You could
startle them and they might veer into your path, causing an accident."

About harassment:
"Do not harass or endanger a bicyclist or
pedestrian. Harassment, which may include
threats, taunting, or intimidation, is a misdemeanor
offense. Reckless endangerment is
also a misdemeanor offense and involves conduct
which places another person at risk of
personal injury."

specialrider said...

echuck - i just moved there from Poo-town and its definitely a step up!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:36pm and Kind of a Big Deal,

I'd think a cultural reference like "Do The Right Thing" would be a more accurate dating tool. If I mentioned the War of 1812 would that make me 196?

--BSNYC

echuck said...

anonymous at 1:46 -

"Bikes are bikes, and by you dissing touring or mtb'ing you are being another close minded idiot you so despise."

How is that self-righteous??? I bet your behind the wheel right now and sent that from your new iPhone while sipping a soy latte, on your way to the 10 block commute you do everyday.

Anonymous said...

I discovered your blog about a month ago. Really enjoying it. Love your writing style and how you tell it!

wishiwasmerckx said...

What ever happened to the Snobstalkers? Two important clues today: 1) Born at Beth Israel Medical Center; and 2) his bike is reflected in the windshield photos of Mr. New Jersey. Does somebody have photo enhancement software and the time to turn that windshield reflection into a Snobbie "Shroud of Turin," so to speak? We could use an object of veneration, no?

Polygraf said...

To get a job as a NYC traffic cop, you just show up and if they have a uniform that fits they immediately post you downtown on chambers equpped with special glasses that somehow block out cyclist from vision. i think attacking a traffic cop is now a felony, damn.

The meter maid you pictured is fulfilling his quota by riding himself a ticket, it will eventually be thrown out of court because he won't show up again.

gumby said...

where I live the "honkers" are usually adolescent males who just traded their walmart BMX for a rusty honda civic. Don't kick these cars too hard as the crumbling panels may collapse

Kind Of A Big Deal said...

"BikeSnobNYC said...
Anonymous 1:36pm and Kind of a Big Deal,

I'd think a cultural reference like "Do The Right Thing" would be a more accurate dating tool. If I mentioned the War of 1812 would that make me 196?

--BSNYC"

Dude, I'm 44 too. Don't worry. It sucks, right? Well, even in NJ, these days, it's like 34, really.

Anonymous said...

terrified by the new york zombies, but you made it there alive.

please do be careful riding and photographing - i just read a story on msnbc.com that said that the number of "texting" related injuries is up because people will walk, jog, bike, etc. while texting and will run into something/someone and injure themselves.

please don't endanger your life while takig pictures of people endangering your life.

come on, if you were laid up in a hospital nursing a broken coccyx, neglecting your blog, what would people do if they couldn't compete to be first to "podium" comment on one of your entires. (aren't they the real zombies? - mindlessly clicking refresh starting at 10:00 am eastern to see if you have posted a new entry, only to comment "first" or "podium")

Anonymous said...

"Dude, I'm 44 too. Don't worry. It sucks, right? Well, even in NJ, these days, it's like 34, really."

By dissing 44 year olds you are being another closed minded idiot you so despise.

SD said...

Mark,
Only single speed on the road? What is it with guys that insist on riding an inappropriate bike. Get a geared bike, and ride every day. Do you only use a spoon, because you can do lots of stuff with it that a fork does? Sure, it's not great at spiking things, but if you push hard enough, it will hold something down while you cut it into scoopable bits. Is "Rather ride dirt than macadam" a euphemism for something?

piper said...

Honking is why all bicycles should be rigged up with baskets in front full of tomatoes or other whimsical throwable objects.

g said...

Piper,
I assure you if you start throwing things at cars, you might want something more intimidating than "tomatoes or other whimsical throwable objects". Cause they will.

Anonymous said...

This is eerie. I've had that exact same day, several days in a row, except that I was backed into by a taxi, not an SUV; cut off within inches by a limo; and my calm-yet-cursing conversation went: Me (quietly) "Get the f- out of the bike lane."
Driver (also fairly quietly) "What's your f-ing problem?"
Me (to myself, having finally managed to pass him) "You're driving in the f-ing bike lane, idiot."

Kind Of A Big Deal said...

"Anonymous said...
Dude, I'm 44 too. Don't worry. It sucks, right? Well, even in NJ, these days, it's like 34, really."

By dissing 44 year olds you are being another closed minded idiot you so despise."

No, seriously, I am 44. Ask me about any Daktari or Banana Splits episode or how many times Yoko and John stopped in on the Mike Douglas show.

BikeSnobNYC said...

SD,

That's why I use a runcible spoon.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

Yesterday I was riding home from work on a section of paved bike path that I use to get under a freeway. I come around a corner on the bike path, and there is actually a CAR driving toward me on the bike path, thankfully slowly. It of course takes up the entire path, so I just stopped and gazed at the driver in slack-jawed retardation, much like the guy Snobby caught on camera in his SUV. So I step off the path, and the driver pulls up to me and stops. She's got her window rolled down, and it's a little hippie chick driving a Prius. She smiles at me and says "Sorry!" I said "this is a bike path not a road you know?" Now it's her turn to give the look of wide-eyed slack-jawed retardation. I think she was honestly that stupid or stoned that she accidentally drove her Prius onto the bike path. She was about 1/2 mile onto the path from where it intersects a road BTW. Just one of those days I guess...

erik k said...

well bike snob Im sorry to hear about your misfortune, but hey misery loves company I've goten flats on the way to work now two days in a row, and I was almost driven off the road on three occasions where I sadly had to resort to very hard breaking, and loud yelling. In a somewhat vain attempt to get the attention of the person who was driving into me. So I hope this assorted doughnut bike rack cheers you up a bit

Anonymous said...

Rtms/Bsnyc:
What kind (brand/model) of camera do you carry and use while riding ?

Just Curious.

Anonymous said...

echuck??? randonneuring?...more like faggettering!!! talk about thin skin! nothing worse than dicks with thin skin!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Erik K,

Yes! Not only does it cheer me up, but it has also helped me come to terms with either being, having once been, or eventually becoming 44 years of age, depending on how one dates me.

--RTMS

Polygraf said...

SD
to each his own, I too only ride single speed or fix on the road and save my gears for trails.(NY is relatively flat) Inappropriate, hardly. Not being a roadie has enabled me the ability to choose my own rigs and how I ride them, relax my friend.

Anonymous said...

RTMS,
I should think that a spork might do the trick in more literal sense.

echuck said...

anonymous 2:24 -

Thin skin? Yeah right. I was born in a crocodile's lair you pasty hipster. and...

"faggettering!!!"

Learn how to spell correctly you undereducated homophobic troglodyte.

Mark said...

sd - gears are too easy. SS and Fixed is the only way to ride. That's the way I like to ride mountain as well!

One gear, more beer! Because you earn it that way!

No double meanings in macadam, assphalt gets over used, I think.

Andrew said...

I've heard the friendly horn honk...

...unfortunatley it takes place while one is in a peloton of about 100 right outside of Chianti.

Friendly toot, bikes thin down, skilled driver passes, end of story. The Italians drive fast and crazy but with utmost respect for cyclists.

ok, i'm off to ride the Pan Mass Challenge (I'm adding a day/100 miles to it so its truly PAN Mass vs. HALF Mass)so if any of you dumbasses would like to throw $10 bucks at cancer reserach, I'd appreciate it:
Click Here To Donate

Anonymous said...

KOBD,
I count it at 5 from the official site.

Does that make me 44 too?

Anonymous said...

Mark,

There are more ways "earn" your beers than riding SS. Try riding a 36/37 lb fully on 4-6 hour XC rides. Oh, and no granny ring.

JPB

Carlos from Philly said...

Your "on my way to work" posts are the awesomest. So are your post-tour tour references. Meshes perfectly with my post-tour downloading of pre-2005 tour footage.
Gangster.

Carlos from Philly said...

Sorry, most awesomest.

totalchaud said...

It's interesting, all the stories about hostile drivers that almost kill you guys and then want to fight and curse. Here in Vancouver, people are so high up the retard flag pole that they can almost kill you 3 times in one block, then when you tell them off they look at you blankly like all they're thinking is "bzzzzzzzzzz". It's maddening, really.

Commiecanuk said...

Anon 2:23pm, he uses an iPhone, which he waited hours in line for with other people. Up here we call them, "iDiots".

Anonymous said...

"That's why I use a runcible spoon."

Good Lord! BSNYC/RTMS is Edward Lear!

Anonymous said...

From the New York Post article you linked to:

"They own the city - at least they think they own the city," griped Larry, 70, who walked carefully on the bike path. "Even in the parks. We're always in the way!"

Let me repeat part of that - ....walked carefully on the bike path.....!?!?

And he's surprised to find bikes there?

echuck said...

They dined on mince, and slices of quince
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon

Mark said...

JPB

You da man riding a full squish on such a pig. I had a pig once, weighing in at 40 lbs and rode it for about a year until I came to the realization that I was really just a Weight Weenie wanabe XC rider and going large was not my thing.

Only recently I have gotten back into the huckle and buckle lifestyle with an IH MKIII. Amazing what an extra G spot buys you when it comes saving weight. 5" of travel, DW Link, and 13 pounds lighter!

If I ever decide to race, it will be on my SS 29er, though. My Qball is the sweetest rig, ever.

Anonymous said...

when i moved to new york, it was months before i realized that, as a cyclist, i was not being honked at by motorists who wished me to get out of the way; i was being honked at by motorists who wished to abdicate any responsible should they happen, through no fault of their own, of course, to hit me. after all, if they honked, it can't have been their fault, right? if they honked, it can only have been my fault. related to this phenomenon is another: walking down the street, new yorkers (mainly manhattanites, but possibly also outer-borough/new jersey residents who adopt this behavior when visiting manhattan) do everything they can not to look at each other when approaching from opposite directions. many attribute this to the impersonality of the big city; in fact, it rests on the unspoken rule that he who looks at the other has thereby admitted having seen the other, and is thereby obligated to move out of the other's way. put differently, if i don't see you, it's not my fault when i run into you. and if you've seen me, it is your fault when i run into you. since realizing these things, the rude behavior of people has at least become that much less inexplicable.

bikesgonewild said...

...so the honkers from yonkers are drivin' ya bonkers, huh ???...

...sorry but hey, you've shown amazingly alacritous alliteration, as of late, so i'm going for the cheap rhyming thingy...

Anonymous said...

BGW

"...amazingly alacritous alliteration..."

Thank you :D

JPB

Kind Of A Big Deal said...

Jever notice that some cyclists are asses, though? They make it tough for the rest of us.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha!! echuck is a twat...I know that's spelled correct!

ant1st said...

I think all bike jerseys should be printed to look like a 9mm is sticking out of the shorts. Drivers would be much less likely to bitch.

ant1st said...

anonymous - do you mean correctly?

Anonymous said...

echunk, refer to techb3 or kevinftmeyers for what to do next. . . BYE!!!

Grinner said...

The solution to the problem of having cars honk at you while you are riding is to ride in a Utilikilt. In so doing, you allow yourself to think that the honk is either made in lust or envy. It's self-delusion, but it keeps you from taking the bigass Kryptonite chain to the car's windshield.

I always figure it's been a good ride into work if only one driver has tried to kill me.

db said...

That's why I use a runcible spoon.

With a vorpal knife?

liz said...

"before making a right hand turn from the left hand lane"

ohhh....this is my most favoritist driver behavior EVER. Last time, this happened so suddenly, I tapped the back bumper of his white panel van with my front tire. As I went to the driver's window and started yelling, I had the uncontrollable urge to hit the rear view mirror with the side of my fist. Amazingly, it shattered upon impact. Not like he was using it anyway.

Anonymous said...

exactly!!! just know that understanding bikesnob and agreeing with bikesnob should never be an issue.

-d said...

Snob,

I think you should start a band. Potential names:

The Lane Hogs
Letle & the Virides
Rip & the Mugshots
The Pie Plate Honkers
Snobby & the Cheese

I'd buy a CD for sure...

Mark said...

Not a day goes by that I don't see a police car parked in a bike lane. Do we yell at them and risk getting tackled or worse?

echuck said...

anonymous 3:08 PM

You sound extremely intelligent and I am thoroughly amazed that you can find your way around a keyboard while coming up with these great posts.

"nothing worse than dicks with thin skin!"

Sounds like you enjoy it a little rough... possibly with bumps, or maybe a french tickler you picked up at the gas station rest room?

Anonymous said...

Some people wonder why "everyone was trying to kill me" after a cycling journey. Remember, most people have neither the motive nor the opportunity to kill you while riding your bicycle. So always be visible when riding by wearing bright clothing and attaching reflectors to your seatpost and wheels.

AH said...

you said coccyx...

Anonymous said...

Avoid yelling at drivers and taking pictures of them while riding your bicycle. People who avoid these behaviors rarely have problems while riding.

Remember that your desire to "shit in everyone's garden" by riding in the street, in the bike lane, on the sidewalk, backwards on one-way streets, and diagonally across public squares would not be tolerated if you were driving a car.

We all have to follow the rules to make the streets fun and safe for everyone.

Anonymous said...

echuck is on his game today.

ken (somewhat evil) said...

nothing like a little inter-disciplinary flaming... i personally, that is to say as a person, am waiting patiently for the david byrne/erik k goose silhouette bike rack! version 2 could be donuts! love -pastries,riding
swerve,ignore -idiots

Anonymous said...

Snob: Methane is what is commonly called natural gas. Methanogens are microbes that make methane gas (Cows also make methane in their stomachs and burp it out, this is called eructation - I though you'd like to know). Methane is difficult to transport but is a renewable source of energy. In the process of making methane, carbon dioxide is removed from the atmosphere. However methane is a highly potent green house gas and releases carbon dioxide and water during combustion. The use of methanogens is also beneficial to treat organic waste.

I didn't read the article but I assume it is of interest to know that methanogens with cytochromes (an enzyme that transports electrons - kinda like hincapie giving armstrong a water bottle and some goo) can make more methane gas than methanogens without cytochromes. More bang for your buck so to speak, if you happen to be in the business of making methane. Which I am not. To summerize: If your methanogen has a hincapie then your armstrong will burp more methane. But of course you already knew this.

As a final thought, sewage waste is often treated by methanogens and the gas they produce can be used as a biofuel. This is being done in Sweden for a few years now. Think of that the next time you flush your toilet and then jump on the F train, which I assume you ride during the winter, since you pass the Co-op on your way to work.

PS I was honked at once, then nearly killed as an empty Access-a-Ride passed me. I spit on her window at the next light to display my disgust, the driver replied, "Well I honked to let you know [I was going to kill you] I was going through the yellow light" Oh gee, my fault, I should have known!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Mark, you don't happen to have a brother who lives in Ft. Meyers, do you? Ah, I thought so.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes while riding, it's fun to be angry and complain about cars. This can be helpful in the short term.

However, there are certain people who really shouldn't operate any kind of vehicle. If you find yourself complaining about cars more than three times per week, consider making trips by bus. The bus may be the safe and convenient alternative for you.

Anonymous said...

I live in this "horn-free" universe you speak of. Its called "Seattle" and it sucks. Horn usage is the cardinal sin here. Using one is enough to stop traffic (assuming its moving). People will stop from all directions and look at you, mouth agape like some slack-jawed yokel straight out of Deliverance, but wearing fleece. And its a damn good thing that we're still too far back into the stone age to have bike lanes. But cops are the same everywhere, and we too have critical mass.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2008075512_reading27.html

Bikeslob 80220 said...

I nearly had a collision with a shopping cart on my way home from work yesterday. It was piled about 6' high with a homeless person's belongings so I couldn't see who was pushing it. Since the cart was already weaving around on the bike path (under Colfax on the Cherry Crek bike path for Denverites), I should have assumed a drunken bum was pushing the cart and slowed down. As I came up on the cart, it veered and almost hit me. I looked back and realized the bum was probaby not even drunk. He was pushing the cart with one hand and talking on a CELL PHONE with the other.

Wunderkind said...

What is this, bike snob or friendly bicycle advocacy man? Please ban Mark for douchebaggery, he's neither bringing witty commentary (gracias commie) nor providing ironic ridicule fodder (aka prolly). Plus, banning someone would enhance your street cred. Just remind us that you hold the keys to the kingdom here and that membership is a privilidge, not a right.

bikesgonewild said...

...allegorical translation...

...The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea...(wise old man & hot young babe on a voyage of mutual exploration)...
In a beautiful pea green boat,...(obvious "little man in a boat" explanation)...
They took some honey, and plenty of money,...(reference of sweetness to come, & money impresses the chicks)...
Wrapped up in a five pound note....(wow, even more money, guys laying it on thick)...
The Owl looked up to the stars above,...(ah, starry, starry night, how romantic !!!)...
And sang to a small guitar,...(lovely music & obvious female shape, this is practically entrapment)...
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,...(come on, this is getting blatant)...
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'
...(oh come on, mr lear, that is so definitive, you're not even trying to hide it any more)...

...dear literary snob nyc...always glad to contribute to your erudite journal...
...sincerely, bgw...

Ka_Jun said...

Holy shit, inspired writing today, probably not surprising considering your day. All your post was missing was a UFO pic. *clapping*

GhostRider said...

A sasquatch with Alabama plates can mean only one thing...the dreaded "Skunk Ape", common in Florida, to be sure, but occasionally spotted in the coastal swamplands of Alabama (as a former resident of that area, I swear this is true!):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Skunk_Ape

KanyonKris said...

Car horns should give the driver an electric shock. Perhaps it would stop people using the horn with the same frequency they breath.

Anonymous said...

It's not the same to talk of bulls as to be in the bullring.

Anonymous said...

it's not the same to talk shit as to be full of shit!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 2:49: The idea of drivers blowing their horns merely to free themselves of responsibility in case they hit you is a grim but hilarious observation.

Though not bike related, added to the list should be those on the subway who offer an "excuse me" as they jab an elbow into your ribs to thrust you out of the way. In these cases, the normally polite expression functions more like a police baton.

Will Handsfield said...

Classic post... it's in reading these when I'm most glad I get to ride a dedicated bikeway along Denver's Cherry Creek to get to work, with only a short section of pave` to traverse between my bike path exit and my office.

Good on ya mate!

winston said...

Last week when I was running the gauntlet that is Grand St. on the way home, a driver told me that riding next to his car in the bike lane was a good way to get myself killed. Since he said that, I now interpret horn honking to mean "Just warning you -- you're about to kill yourself with my moving car."
Let's be honest, we're just passively aggressively trying to kill ourselves. Let's stop assigning blame to motorists.

Anonymous said...

article about hipsters:
http://www.adbusters.org/magazine/79/hipster.html

Anonymous said...

When I read your rant about honking and why people do it, this came to mind.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/tired_of_traffic_a_new_dot_report

Mark said...

wunderkind, are you jealous of my double podium appearance this week?

In the immortal words of Artie Lang: "WAAAAA"

You can complain about motorists all you want but until you get off your high saddle and start doing something about it, the problem is never going to stop.

We need a few Pogons (sp?) in fortified squad cars to run a few cars off the road who come near bicyclists, or drive in the bike lanes, and ensure Eyewitness News gets the who think on their eye in the sky for the 6 o'clock news.

In stead of being milktoast around these schmucks, speak up and let them know how you feel. I commend BikeSnob for atleast being vocal to these yahoos.

Time to $hit or get off the pot!

Anonymous said...

Or just go to theonion.com and search for honking. The DOT video is great!

Anonymous said...

The Sasquatch story is completely believable - the clueless and erratic driving described are typical of Subaru drivers. Seattle has the country's highest concentration of these idiots, who are usually the protagonists in the horn-use scenario described by anon 3:40. The driver and passenger you spotted were likely Northwest natives.

Lucky 7 said...

Eric K rules! That's a Homer of a rack.



A

Norman said...

I always figure that the driver is chiding me for riding dangerously close to the curb, so, I, obligingly, move closer to centre to appease them.

Happily, I even get shouts of encouragement such as "--aGHAa!--" and "--oSH! Goo---", so I know that I am "doing well by doing good" (to quote that great poet T.A. Lehrer).

Jonny said...

Anon 3:40,
While I agree that some people shouldn't operate any sort of vehicle, I must disagree that riding a bus is a safe alternative to cycling as the following article illustrates.

http://tinyurl.com/5mxgno

nikolaus said...

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/tired_of_traffic_a_new_dot_report

nikolaus said...

excuse me, looks like part of the link was cut off.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/
tired_of_traffic_a_new_dot_report

messedup said...

Priceless...
Classic BSNYC...

Faceless Ghost said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Faceless Ghost said...

Mark,

Milktoast? Is that anything like milquetoast?

bikesgonewild said...

...btw, echuck & literary snob nyc...

...don't get me started on "the walrus & the carpenter"...those guys were like sooo... gay...

..."not that there's anything wrong w/ that"...

...just sayin'...

Interior Desecrations said...

http://www.lileks.com/institute/interiors/index.html

The above link takes you to a website for the book Interior Desecrations "a brutal examination of the unlovely, unattractive, unlivable and unforgivable homes of the 1970s." (As described by the author)

Looks like you've already got enough material to publish the bicycle version of the same book. What are you waiting for?!

Anonymous said...

--BSNYC July 31, 2008 1:53 PM,

Not necessarily, but if you made reference to Major-General Isaac Brock's contributions to the war, I'd assume you're either a history buff or older than dirt. I highly doubt you're a Ralph Nader buff since he is a pretty boring guy.

Come on, so many of the puzzle pieces have gone missing that, on occasion, we need to create our own. How else are we going to deduce that what we're dealing with here is a jar of preserves?

Anonymous said...

horney honkeys!!!

ice cube said...

wishiwasmerckx,

I have never given up the search.
I came across some clues while watching NO RESERVATIONS with Anthony Bourdain the other night that would lead me to think that BSNYC is in fact Chris Bourdain. A stock broker type in NYC.

1) Anthony mentioned he didn't really "KNOW" his brother.

2) An off beat comment about his brother's affinity for cheeses.

3) Anthony's brother Chris was riding a tandem solo.

4) Snobby's vacation this month, shrouded in mystery.

I think Snobby wants to be caught. These pics are just giving him away.


2) An

ice cube said...

Bigfoot does live in the south! The Everglades is chalk full of stories and sightings of an apelike humanoid. Remember Harry and the Hendersons? They can live among us.

Anonymous said...

According to Ice Cube's bio, he/she has an interest in "Knocking over critical massers."

What is up with that?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ice Cube, there is something mystical and metaphorical about riding solo on a tandem. However, "Bourdain" sounds kinda goyisha, don't you think?

Sunk dreamstress said...

You NY douchebags are such 'ginas. NY averages more rainy days than Seattle does.

Try riding in Arizona in the summer where it's already 80+ degrees before the sun comes up and you get 5 glorious months of summer weather.

Maybe your initials should be DBNYC?

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:59pm: When traveling across the country on Greyhound, isn't it perfectly normal to lose your head?

sluts said...

man how i miss prolly.

Anonymous said...

on point post!

sharks.. said...

rtms-

have you seen the shark week pedicabs? talk about jumping the shark.

Amsterdamize said...

I suggest you rent 'Noise' with Tim Robbins. In light of this post it will give you great pleasure and moments of zen ;).

Great write up, as always.

dlv said...

So when is BSNYC gunna write a book?

Anonymous said...

Love your blog.
Honk portion is great.
As a warehouse worker I can relate.

Andy Pandy said...

Anon 3.39. Are you in any way theorizing and equating that the Great Mellow J was of bovine extract. If that is the case then expect a ticking parcel to be hand delivered by a shave head dribbling devotee sometime soon

And Mr. BGW to quote Pink Floyd “Gotta keep the loonies off the grass”. Have you over-medicated again????

julie jules said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
julie jules said...

Well said! I get scared when people honk at me, it's so jarring sometimes I'm worried I might swerve just from the sound. People in LA are especially terrible to cyclists, because they spend all their time in the car. One time this woman slowly crept up behind me while I was riding, and honked her horn so loud I thought my ears would bust, and then leaned in on the horn and slowly followed me, harassing me for like 3 blocks. There was plenty of room for her to pass. But I suppose she'd rather me ride in the door zone than "delay" her for 5 seconds. Besides, I'm not really delaying anyone, because every time I am on my bike that is one less car on the road. I love how motorists get so upset, as if a 23 year old girl going 10-15 mph on my bike is endangering them so much they need to try to kill me with a two ton vehicle.

Also, what an idiot that Jersey guy sounds like. Mentally retarded. If he's supposedly from Manhattan what the hell is he doing driving an SUV around, hasn't he ever heard of the subway? People are so dumb. These people actually exist! It's so, so sad.

camera snob boston said...

Probably one of your funniest articles yet. I've been having more and more of these experiences lately.

My favorite was when I was given some groceries for free by my boss, and I had to bring them home on my bike. When a truck pulled up alongside me (which I was pretty aware of because I looked back three times) he honked at me, scaring the hell out of me. I immediately shouted out "FUCK YOUUUUU" and he flew ahead and pulled over. A cop was at the street corner, so he wasn't going to do anything. The guy who got out of the truck was wearing jeans and no shirt and had a mullet. He informed me he was "just letting me know he was there." Thanks buddy, I didn't get that from the first three times I looked at you.

Mark said...

faceless ghost - never said I was a literary genius but thanks for the correction. Spell check doesn't get everything.

Speaking of road riding, got off the train this evening and there was a older, helmetless gentleman riding a beat up C'dale Perp with an eThirteen chain guide and bash guard, and chain links wrapped around the seat post. Not to mention, he was riding on the sidewalk. Sad, that such a good bike has been relegated to such under use and shame.

leroy said...

Dear BSNYC/RTMS --

Golly, sorry about your commute.

Mine last night over the Brooklyn Bridge was so much better.

Climbing up the Manhattan side, I spotted a young lady distractedly talking on her cell phone and walking down the Bridge in the bike lane.

Waving didn't get her attention.

So I called out "Hey you on the cell phone, get out of the bike lane!"

She must have appreciated the warning because she greeted me with an invitation to "Oh get over it!"

Now, I don't know about you, but bogus magazine articles notwithstanding young women do not ordinarily solicit me to "get over" anything on East River crossings. (What was the magazine you wrote about with the article about the fixed gear connection on the Williamsburg Bridge, again?)

I'm not sure exactly what the "it" was she was inviting me to get over, but I am sure it was something licentious and carnal.

Goodness knows she made me feel dirty even wondering what she wanted me to get over.

So I politely thanked her while explaining that I was just happy to see that she didn't get injured. (Honestly, although I may not climb like a monkey in crampons, she could have gotten flattened by a rider descending behind her like a monkey in crampons dropped from a helicopter.)

And bogus magazine articles notwithstanding, I couldn't take her up on her offer. I'm happily married.

But I agree. The heat makes folks do funny things.

Simon N said...

I've noticed BS mention upright safety bicycles once or twice. I imagine that puts his age at somewhere around 123+.

Anonymous said...

Hey I think Kevin of Fort Meyers has a relative

Cornhole said...

Somebody once honked at me and I got, like, really pissed. So I flipped him the bird.

That's it.

Anonymous said...

Andy Pandy

Does it not make you wonder that CONI or ASO or WADA or anyone else didn't have a test for methanogens during his 7 years as the maillot jaune? All of that gas certainly would have made climbing the L'Alpe D'Huez easier. Look, certainly he was the most tested rider EVER, but were they testing for Neupogen; were they testing for methane? Everyone in the peloton knows he never got sick, EVER! Methanogens and Neupogen, the dope du'jour in the 1990's!!!

Andy Pandy said...

So given that methane has a molecular weight of 16 and air is around 29, I deduced that they pumped him full of methane to improve his climbing, weight to power ratio. Sneeky but would that not have shown in his blood work via methane absorption or make his voice sound like chipmonks ???

Anonymous said...

Echuck...by selfsustaining I assume you mean that you hunt your own food, divine your own water, are a blacksmith etc... If not, why did you pop up out of nowhere to start giving everyone such a rash of shit for no good reason? This is an adult (and not in the XXX manner) site. And no, nobody appointed me boss, referee, or bouncer but like manny others it is one of the few places I truly enjoy visiting. If you don't like the site or your the other commentators then leave.

Tim...

AnnaZed said...

Seriously echuck, you do not want me to even notice that you exist. Being honked at would be the least of your problems.

Kinoko said...

Your writing tastes like butter on waffles...YUM! It's soooo good.
>( ^ - ^ )<

Anonymous said...

When motorists honk at you, you're supposed to say "OK, horn blows, how 'bout your wife?" {hilarity ensues}

leroy said...

Anon 10:34 PM --

Ah, the classics never really do go out of style.

ice cube said...

Anon 6:15


Uh, it's a blog quit being so sen-suh-tive weiner boy. Duh. No I actually ride with a hockey stick and cross-check them. I ride number 24 in honor of Bob Probert and I pick fights with people during crits. Give yourself a name anon 6:15. 24 THE NUMBER 24 THE FEAR!

chump said...

Hey snob, I think you've got a movie hidden somewhere in all of your blogging. maybe John Cusak can roll back his aging clock and play you in the romantic comedy that the movie will ultimately become. start your screenplay now. I'd love to proof it

Anonymous said...

Every car should have a second horn inside the passenger compartment that sounds in synch with the outside horn. That will make honking an action to be considered very seriously. Even with the windows up.

Anonymous said...

BSNY said "they think horns make things happen." So true ! These are the same people who think that turn signals make the car turn, and thus never signal until they are actually making the turn. Well, thanks for letting me vent. --JJ

AMRcyclist said...

"The Indignity of Commuting by Bicycle" is a great piece, BSNYC.
I loved it but it made me leave my bike at home and drive as it reminded me of what I was about to face in my commute and how bad it was going to be later on the return home, in the Friday-Night-Traffic. Time in which all the 18+ y.o. petrol heads are let out of their cages around here.

Philip Williamson said...

I think your Alabama Sasquatch sighting may have been another one of these.

All your encounters today seemed apelike... they may be following you.

Anonymous said...

Yes, echuck your comments are self righteous and insulting.

Maybe you should go for a nice ride and keep quiet.

Oh, speaking of spelling correctly...
"I bet your behind the wheel right now and sent that from your new iPhone while sipping a soy latte,,," I believe you meant to spell you're (you are) and not your.

Anonymous said...

Enormous Pie Plate!! Don't think its fixed, it might be though. http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/bik/778443002.html

Jim said...

Re: The etiquette of honking - Whenever I am driving with my Italian girlfriend and someone cuts me up she leans across and pounds on the horn on my behalf. The thing is the horn on my car is on the indicator stick, not the wheel. She still hasn't figured this out.

end of train device said...

Nice work eric k, but you're going to lose those Solos if you're not more diligent with that lock.

Jennifer said...

Traffic agents are not cops. Please don't offer them any more respect than they deserve.

ant1st said...

Jennifer - I don't think calling someone a cop is showing any respect.

SD said...

For the record, I have nothing against going all single speed, or fixed gear or whatever, but if you have to drive yourself 10 miles to work every other day, because you can't handle your commute on a single speed, why not get a geared bike and ride every day? Just wondering.

Anonymous said...

On my ride this morning some idiot in an SUV was honking. He was behind me so I naturally shot him the bird. He proceeded to get pissed at me, because he was apparently honking at someone else. How would I have known? The bigger the SUV the smaller the brain of its driver.

Tim said...

I have always loved the quote:

"Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to modern people who blow horns to break up traffic jams."

Lord Batu said...

I applaud your hope for a honkey less future, a sea of lightly nudging bumpers in every great city!
I really love the reactionary"hey don't do that" honk you find from time to time in DC as one would casually roll through a red light...
If the pigs aren't gonna stop you, what the fuck do these honkers think they're gonna get?
Be careful out there playing around on your bike around such busy guidos.

Bikeslob 80220 said...

**I believe you meant to spell you're (you are) and not your.
**

No, he meant to spell "your". Here on the BSNYC comments page, we use the Craigslist Style Manual. We also use the spelling "there" for the words there, their, and they're. For example...."I know these guys downtown that are selling there steal frame fixie that has some sweet Campy peddles, if your interested. I think there short on money for weed."

Grinner said...

A second benefit of wearing a kilt while riding is that the superior crotchal ventilation helps prevent the fostering of new life forms.

Am i alone in thinking that Ms. Peyser and her Clintonian "Larry the pedestrian in the bike path" must be coffee drinkers?

echuck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ant1st said...

echuck - please have some respect for annazed. I was supportive of your comments up to now, but this is going a little too far. Although the poetry is nice. Maybe you should put your energy an talent into love poems, rather than hateful ones. Just saying...

ant1st said...

All - Let's try to get to 200 comments before the next post.

ant1st said...

Thanks "the author".

echuck said...

ant1st:

You're right. I was listening to MDC and was inspired to lash out on this fine Friday morning. I wasn't trying to be an ass with my original post, just representing a small portion of cycling that I have tremendous respect for. I apologize to all who took my comment as "self-righteous." Looking at it now, I can see how it was taken by some as being exactly that.

Peace, love, rainbows and unicorns.

ant1st said...

Thanks echuck. I think you deserve an award for being the first person ever to offer an apology on this comment page, and possibly any comment page on the net. By the way, nothing wrong with lashing out, but annazed is not an appropriate target. I, on the other hand, deserve that kind of abuse. So if you're feeling angry, let me have it.

Peas, lofts, rambos, and ... can't come up with anything good for unicorns.

ant1st said...

Do

ant1st said...

I

ant1st said...

Have

ant1st said...

To

ant1st said...

Do

ant1st said...

Everything

ant1st said...

Myself?

echuck said...

200!

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