Chiming In: Unsolicited Responses to Questions Already Answered

Last week the New York Times concluded its three-part Q&A session with Joshua Benson, the bicycle program coordinator for the New York City Department of Transportation. Basically, readers were invited to submit questions, some of which Joshua Benson proceeded to answer. While this made for informative reading, I did feel there were certain areas where Mr. Benson could have been a little more forthright. I also secretly wished I had been allowed to answer as well. Then I realized I have my own blog, so I decided to butt in anyway. Here's a selection of questions and answers from the series (excerpts in italics) to which I've added my own two cents:

Q: I would LOVE to ride my bike to work, or for that matter, ANYWHERE around the city, but there's no place to lock a bike up!!! How do we get this issue addressed and corrected?
--Posted by Donna V

A: [lots of stuff deleted] I'd also like to remind all the readers that we are currently holding a competition for a new bike rack design. [even more stuff deleted] For more information on this competition go to: CityRacks Design Competition.

RTMS: Further to Mr. Benson's reply, the CityRacks Design Competition is over. Or at least it might as well be. This is because my three entries are sure to sweep the podium. I’ve got this thing locked up like a fixed-gear in front of a dive bar at happy hour. Here they are:

Entry #1: Pirate Statues

Nothing makes a better bike rack than a pirate statue. Its peg leg is a perfect anchor point for a U-lock or chain, and its crotch makes it impossible to lift the bicycle up and over the pirate like you can do with a parking meter. Furthermore, the menacing scowl and hook hand will deter thieves. (Assuming, of course, that the thief is not also a pirate who lives for ribald swashbuckling and duels with other pirates.) Lastly, locking stuff to pirates is just plain fun.

Entry #2: Human Statues

Human statues (or stationary mimes) are just as effective as inanimate statues with the added bonus that they are sentient and can actually guard your bicycle. Here's one in England or somewhere which is doing just that. New York City has long looked abroad for urban planning solutions, and unlike much of the stupid stuff that makes its way to this country from overseas (I'm looking at you, socialism) this is one that should not be overlooked.

Entry #3: Porta-Pottys

Earlier in the article, Mr. Benson mentioned the Department of Transportation's "Coordinated Street Furniture Franchise," which includes public toilets among the items planned for our city's streets. Well, I see no reason why bicycle parking and public restrooms can't be neatly integrated. One key, two purposes. New Yorkers are famous for their "get up and go," and this will enable them to go while they're on the go with their bikes.

Q: The mayor's efforts to promote biking are laudable. However, without increased enforcement of the sanctity of the striped lanes, the initiative will only go so far. Aside from begging the police to do their jobs, what is the Department of Transportation (or the Mayor's office of Sustainability) doing to ensure that motorists take bike lanes seriously?— Posted by Dan

A: [yada yada yada] Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan, as part of a review of global best practices for bicycle-friendly street design, has visited Denmark and just returned from Colombia. We have found that designs from other countries can't simply be transplanted to New York City streets. [yada yada yada]

RTMS: Hey, I want to make fruitless trips to foreign countries under the guise of information-gathering too! Maybe I can become DOT Commissioner. That way one day you can read this in the Times: "Commissioner BSNYC, as part of a thinly-disguised research mission, has visited Amsterdam where he learned that the city's legal prostitutes and marijuana, while thoroughly enjoyable (especially when used together), can't simply be transplanted to New York City streets."

Do many members of the Department of Transportation bike to work? Bloomberg makes a show of taking the subway—do you have any impression if he’d consider showing off the city’s bike lanes?
--Posted by Rich Allan

A: Many D.O.T. employees bike to work on a daily basis. I often “bike pool” with co-workers who live near me. Our indoor bike parking room and outdoor racks here at D.O.T. headquarters in Lower Manhattan are nearly full every day...

RTMS: Benson’s answer is a half-truth. I went by 40 Worth Street today. Here's a picture:

The outdoor rack was indeed nearly full, but I didn’t see any tandems. So how can he be “bike pooling?”

Q: Mr. Benson, many thanks for your efforts to make our city more easily cycled. We have a long way to go but I'm encouraged by the recent progress and Commissioner Sadik-Khan's commitment to cycling. As a resident of Queens, I'm particularly interested in cycle infrastructure in the outer boroughs — a glance at the official bike map suggests Manhattan has historically been the top priority. Trying to ride somewhere in Queens reinforces this theory. Could you discuss D.O.T.'s future plans for the rest of us?
--Posted by Alex

A: Thanks for your question regarding the city's bike network expansion in the outer boroughs...

RTMS: Hi, Alex. I note both you and Mr. Benson use the phrase "outer boroughs,” which is a nice way of saying that as a Queens resident you don't exist on the cultural radar. Calling the boroughs outside of Manhattan the "outer boroughs" is not only inaccurate, but it also reaffirms the notion that anyone who doesn’t live in Manhattan is a second-class citizen. (Funny how most of the "inner city" neighborhoods are in the "outer boroughs." How can something be "inner" and "outer" at the same time?) The fact is that two of the "outer boroughs" (Brooklyn and Queens) are much larger and more populous than Manhattan, which, for millions of people, is actually the "outer borough." In truth, the only real "outer borough" is Staten Island, which is really far away from the rest of the city, has only like half a million people, and is basically just New Jersey with alternate-side parking rules. Of course, since Brooklyn's become so trendy its days as an "outer borough" are numbered, even though it hasn't moved physically, so you can expect it to benefit from the "hipster-to-hipster" network of bicycle paths and lanes the city is creating to make sure the hottest and most expensive neighborhoods are easily accessible to one-another by bicycle. But Queens? As long as you empower their “outer borough” thinking by using the term yourself, you can keep dreaming, Archie Bunker.

Q: Can we talk about the Manhattan Bridge entrance? It is terrifying. How can D.O.T. expect average cyclists to merge with tractor-trailers on their daily commutes? Please tell me what the plans are for this crossing. I use it everyday.
--Posted by Brooklyn!

A: [useful info deleted]

RTMS: Non-terrifying bridge entrances?!? Yeah, right. Here's another question: How come my bike lane isn't carpeted in velvet, and how come I'm not escorted by two beautiful women on Colnagos who throw rose pedals in my path as I ride? Well, last time I checked, this was New York City, not Portland. Every day each one of us is a wayward SUV and a can of white Krylon away from becoming a ghost bike, and that's the way we like it. The Manhattan Bridge was closed to cyclists for ages while they built that fancy new bike lane you're now riding on, and it wasn't that long ago that the "bike lane" on the Williamsburg Bridge barely had a floor. Literally. You could see water. It was like crossing a rope bridge in the Himalayas. So if you're using the same bridge entrance every day and you're still terrified, you need a shrink or you need to move to the Bay Area. Urban planning won't help you.