Friday, May 2, 2008

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

We are living in uncertain times, but there is one thing that is certain: the existence of an UMBL (or Unmounted Brake Lever) can only mean trouble of apocalyptic proportions:


That's right, reader "Metal B" of Corvallis, OR has sent me the above logic-defying image. He also informs me there are a lot of alpacas around Corvallis, so my advice if you live there is to evacuate as quickly as possible because you likely reside in Ground Zero for the Apocalypse.

Due to these extenuating circumstances, I'm excusing any and all Corvallisites from today's pop quiz, but the rest of you are not so lucky. The following quiz is composed of items that have recently come to my attention, many of which were forwarded by readers. As always, read the question and choose an answer. If you are correct, you'll see the item. If you are incorrect, you'll see perhaps the only thing that can save us.

Good luck, and ride safe this weekend.

Reclusive shark-jumping blogger Rip Torn's Mug Shot has just been published in which periodical?


Which periodical would appear to have recently adopted RTMS's open-source journalistic template for reporting on the fixed-gear phenomenon?


A former member of which pioneering New York City hardcore band is currently training for a triathlon?


According to a recent New York Times article, more and more high-end bike customers are:


"USMBL" stands for "Under Saddle-Mounted Brake Lever":


If you act quickly, you can snag a cycling cap on eBay which incorporates the NJS logo into the logo of which iconic brand (and which is totally free from "smells")?


Which company is about "Questioning stodgy rims and embracing our own, unique perspective.  Rising above the nameless masses and laying claim to club rides.  Breaking away from the pack and forcing acknowledgment of one true, rising star."?


According to a 1950 film on bicycle safety, cyclists are:


89 comments:

gewilli said...

sweet

wheel tags

nice to see they made it....

Anonymous said...

USMBL, for the posers who can't pose on leg strength alone.

Anonymous said...

podium!!!

AH said...

WTF!?!?!? Bloodclot is doing a triathlon? I just don't know what to believe in anymore.

Bring on the Alpaca-lips...

Anonymous said...

topten

AH said...

2 more thoughts:

1. I believe you are supposed to use the word "seminal" to describe influential hardcore bands.

2. BSNYC/RTMS is linked on the Wheeltags site. I wonder how long it will take them to remove the link after the soon-to-arrive diatribe?

abelgus said...

Top Ten!

Anonymous said...

man,
that CSM article on "fixies" sure is good writing. Didi opinionated Cyclist write it? It is THAT good.

Anonymous said...

I'm telling you--triathalons are the new fixed gears. With more cigarettes and cheap beer. And shorter distances. But look forward to listening to record shop employees go on about "gettin' totally aero. I mean, it is so zen, flying along like that, at like, 25 miles an hour, just pounding a big gear..."

Anonymous said...

Thanks, BS, this brake lever horror show has probably ruined my weekend before it even started. The only thing that could save me is listening to Age of Horrible .... damnit, Quarrel ... damnit. okay, weekend officialy ruined.

JIM N said...

Bloodclot has been down with road racing for a long time.

Strayhorn said...

That NYT article slipped past their copyeditors. Instead of the phrase "upgrading his Cannondale to something more tri-specific" it should have read "dumping his consumer-grade yet overpriced road bike for something that better displays his discretionary income with a few thousand bucks of fitting thrown in as well."

And once again it looks like I'm in the wrong business. A few years ago I'd never heard of a shop that only offered fitting. Now there are two of them in Carrboro alone - and the cheapest one charges $650 just to walk in the door.

No one told me about this at hi skul career day.

BOB said...

BS, why are you up so early?

Cycle Jerk said...

That is clearly a picture of a thumb mounted brake lever system in the unmounted position. One of the many advantages is that no matter where you put your hands the brakes are always at your fingertips.

Dylan said...

Holy Crap! I grew up in Corvallis and recently moved to Portland... I'm glad I moved before the impending Apocalypse. That's fucking hilarious...

Ryan said...

So when the guy with the USMBL does a panic stop, does he just look like he's battling a screaming case of the 'roids?

CycloTube.com said...

I really wish you hadn't exposed me to that NYT article. Short of Catfish noodling, is there any sport that is safe from these people?

Giles said...

Be sure that the chain and sprocket are well-covered!

Anonymous said...

so was this a propaganda post to have a jew show me the way - i grew up in boro park brooklyn, last thing i need is a jew to show me the way

mr.complaint said...

On the west coast I'm still asleep.

Bloodclot is just an extremist, punk, hare krishna, triathlons. I hope he's using his fixie with a 58x11. What next? Nursing? Or Parenting.

The guy with the LV/NJS hat also has a nice Raleigh TI frame. Grab it if it fits.

ZZzzzzzzzz....

leviathan said...

Thank god there was a question that had something to do with old hardcore music or I wouldn't have gotten any of those right.

Carlos from Philly said...

*safely

Anonymous said...

Nice bike trip route you asphalt-sailing buccaneer !

Anonymous said...

BSNYC/RTMS, is this quiz being given to the rest of us non-Corvallisites Pass/Fail?

M. Weed said...

Fail.

Scott said...

I live in Corvallis. I took the quiz. I bombed. The price I pay for not following sound advice and clear instructions.

Toxteth O'Grady said...

Comment: He sure has a lot of crap on his bike for someone that apparently wants to avoid having a lot of crap (ie brake handle) on his bike.

Question: Are those zip ties holding on the thin piece of paper/plastic with the sticker on it to his down tube? Is that supposed to be a fender?

Anonymous said...

USMBL = The future

b-love said...

fixed gears are dead, totally dead

youtube.com/watch?v=18aVahIcJeI

keep your eyes open at 0.40 and 0.44

Matt said...

I read the Christian Science Monitor article. I can't tell you how distressed I was that the word "Zen" never appeared. Still, there were nuggets of wisdom:
Stewart Harding, a pizzamaker and part-time bike mechanic, knows fixie riding isn't for the faint of foot. "I don't think we're the smartest group of bikers out there necessarily," admits Mr. Harding.
Also, apparently fixies are hot in Utah now. Maybe we'll start seeing Mormon missionaries in short-sleeved white shirts and brown trousers on fixies.

Cottered Crank said...

Parts of vinegar jugs held on to the downtube with zipties are the new spoke cards.

That unattached brake lever would be a lot more effective with a short section of handlebar clamped in, with a grip on it. Lots easier to keep it from flopping around when in motion, by hooking it over the handlebar. Just a thought.

Dad said...

Did anyone notice that behind the UMBL, there is a Mongoose with a pieplate? I am fairly certain that one of the Four Horsemen rode in on that thing. I'm surprised the two didn't combine into a seething mass of sinful, rotting corpses right there.

Realwheels said...

Could somebody find that Wheeltags copywriter and give him some decent dope? I dunno where he's gettin' his shit, but it's awful!

Chris said...

Wow todays quiz was amazing. Too bad I didn't get to participate because I'm from Corvallis. Does anyone have some money I could borrow to get out of the state before the apocalypse dawns?

Fritz said...

I can't wait until Specialized releases their urban bikes with designs targeted at specific cities later this year! That sounds so exciting!

kevlarbones said...

Never thought I'd see the Cro-Mags referenced in this blog. Excellent.

Cameron said...

after this post, I believe it's cycling as a whole, that has completely jumped the shark!

I'm now going to sell all my cycling related crap and take up some other ridiculous pastime that is sure to become a caricature of itself.

Any suggestions

Sprocketboy said...

I guess the Christian Science Monitor lives in a different part of the spacetime continuum and things are going backwards so that those special edition Langsters are just coming out now in CSM-World. Soon it will be Highwheelers again! Whee!

On the other hand, I am very excited about Wheel Tags and can hardly wait to become a triathlete so I can show up with argylle rims. Does Slipstream-Chipotle know about this?

And I thought that getting a beautiful bike like a Serotta was the goal, not flying across the country to be fitted for it. I feel like such an Inconspicuous Consumer. Well, until I get the Wheel Tags, anyway.

Anonymous said...

Not to argue, but UMBL doesn't sound quite right. How about calling it a DBL (dangling brake lever)?

Just a suggestion

Anonymous said...

I think you're supposed to clench the brake lever in your teeth.

bikesgonewild said...

...i'm waiting for wheeltags new 'carbon fiber weave' pattern to go on my carbon zipp's...

...gewilli & anon 9:24am...classy !!!...

AH said...

DBL is nice: It can double as "Douche Bag Lever"

Bobby said...

From the NYT story: "after a two-and-a-half-hour fitting at Signature Cycles, which is known to pamper well-heeled clients with beer or wine and long discussions about lifestyles."

I just wonder if they bust out the PBR, two buck chuck, and skinny jeans when an ibanker in the market for a fixed gear walks through the door.

Anonymous said...

wouldn't that USMBL kind of make you look like you were riding with a permanent dingleberry?

hmm.

nipplewench said...

Man, I suck at these quizzes. I did, however, have an epiphany while attempting this one: The FFMBL (Front Fender Mounted Brake Lever). This requires using a rear fender at the front wheel so the brake lever can be attached to the leading edge. The beauty of this system is its hands-free operation. It engages on impact.

Brilliant!

Commiecanuk, no C said...

I learn all my bike riding skills from movies. The most effective method of braking is the "Breaking Away" Italian pump to the spokes method, or the Full Cinzano.

Cameron's right, cycling as a whole has jumped the shark, the future in transportation is the plug-in electric Volt concept from GM. A car so visionary, it has no internal parts or technologies, just tremendous promise as GM engineers push it out onto a stage.

It can run on hydrogen, gas, E85, electric, but the preferred fuel source currently is pure bullshit.

Well the first thing you know ol Jed's a millionaire,
Kinfolk said "Jed move away from there"
Said "Californy is the place you ought to be"
So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly.

leroy said...

Bid on someone's used cycle cap?

Not on your life.

Unless, of course, it was Heidi Klum's.

And even then, I'm not sure. I mean the price would have to be right.

But if I can't have it time for this weekend's Five Boro Bike Tour, what's the point?

I've been training hard for the Five Boro all winter. But it's still not fair that you have to sprint against guys with kids all hopped up on sugar and riding stoker on those trailer cycles.

I'm not trying to excuse my lackluster performance at last year's Five Boro. All I'm saying is there's a reason they don't allow trailer cycles in the TDF.

Hmmmph. Kids.

Gary Busey said...

"The world does not need helmets on bikes, it needs padded curbs."

brett said...

i'm surprised nobody ripped on the cat-eye headlight mount situated mid-drop. unless that's the cool way to do it these days. (?)

Anonymous said...

My favorite quotes from the NYT article:

"“It’s hard to tell people I went all that way to buy a bicycle,” Mr. Newland said. “They say, ‘Why didn’t you find a place in Kansas City?’ I’m kind of a huge fucking douchbag.”

"“There’s always a certain amount of bling, as most triathletes are relatively affluent fucksticks who aren’t hesitant to spend their money on unbelievably overpriced and extremely excessive equipment,” Mr. Aguilar said. “But a bicycle is a bicycle. At the end of the day, it’s a question of who crosses the finish line first, and its definitely not me or any of my 45 year old lawyer friends riding $15,000 bikes, which kind of makes me wonder what the hell we are thinking, I mean seriously, we are losing badly. I keep spending more and more money and wind up with no results. Were kind of like the Washington Redskins of the cycling community”.

Football team reference? Anyone?

Anonymous said...

i read your suggested ride in Time Out and i don't know how you came up with 3-4 hours to travel 27 miles - 7-9mph?!?. some of us can run that far in less time.

also i was a little disappointed to see your article hadn't beaten out "I want...double penetration" yet. i'm pulling for you though.

veloben said...

Cameron,

My money's on orienteering. Run through woods getting slapped by branches, bitten by ticks, snakes, weasels etc., get lost, look at map, look at compass, look around, run in another direction, stop. Repeat until dead or rescued after months of surviving on dentist carcasses.

Anonymous said...

Hand rolled carbon tubesets,$14,000 for a bike? Or on the other hand a new trendy dangerous sport for Salt Lakeans. I'm with Cameron, I'm packing up my 30years worth of assorted bike parts(Modolo brake levers,moth eaten Protog tights,lots of Campy stuff,and one moldy Detto Pietro shoe),and moving on to whatever is next.

veloben said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:20pm,

That's accounting for people riding very casually, obeying traffic signals, and making plenty of stops. It ain't exactly the Gimbels Ride.

--BSNYC

Daniel! said...

Football team reference? Anyone?

It doesn't make much sense, given the Redskins relatively good historical performance.

bikesgonewild said...

...knock, knock...
...who's there ???...

...isabel...
...isabel who ???...

...is a bell really necessary mounted upside down on yer top tube when the real statement yer tryin' ta make is "yes officer...see, hahaha, i do have a brake on my cheap ass, shitty fix gear" ???...

...just sayin'...

Pedal Strike Force Agent Down said...

by one count it looks like all of corvallis is here today

...isn't anybody outside tending the sheep?

Commiecanuk, no C said...

Orienteering? that's soooo 90s.
Now It's GEOCACHING: locating pointless items and posting its GPS coordinates, only so that someone else can enjoy finding the same said pointless item.

The marketing potential is huge: geocached coupons, playing polo by GPS, etc. and so forth.

This is great news for Hillary!

Cameron said...

THIS JUST IN...
I'm thrilled to report yet another waste of time in the tried and true tradition of the FFG, the OTSG and Velospace...

Please Welcome O3SG!

Richard gere said...

...isn't anybody outside tending the sheep?

I am.

Commiecanuk said...

Another great braking method.

You carefully place your weight forward and insert testicles between wheel and fork. Lance used to do this, but now it's only useful for left-hand turns.

bother yam said...

...isn't anybody outside tending the sheep?

Honestly, I was just trying to help it over the fence...

bikesgonewild said...

...cameron...careful there, bunky...stuff like o3sg could make cycling look fun, attractive & enjoyable again, as opposed to the carefully manipulated, hate filled, divisive, separate camp, you go yer way, i'll go mine slugfest we've worked so hard to attain...

krazygl00 said...

Sweet bike safety film! Within two more clicks on youtube, I was watching Betty Page in some softcore BDSM. Yay youtube!!!

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

Whoa! Sorry about that, went a little too far. That NYT article was from a link on a old-skool BS article, that was linked to in today's post.

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

Kyle Fay, a designer for Urban Outfitters: "...it’s a Zen thing, being one with the bike"

bottom of the third page of the NYT article.

confused i am

Splic said...

Notice how the USMBL guy is looking for a gyro so he can finally hook up that front brake that he got for Christmas. Oh wait, he's already using it on the rear.

P.S. I performed horribly this Friday. Perhaps it's because I live so near Corvallis... how eerie.

Anonymous said...

http://velospace.org/node/9417
sick sick sick!!

peace,
Joe

veloben said...

Commiecanuk, no C said...

Orienteering? that's soooo 90s.

..and '30s and 40's.. Goecaching won't do, it's too solitary. Who but you and one or two buds are going to see your cool stuff. At least at the start of an orienteering 'event' there's a herd that see your cool compass, snazzy map holder and HMWBH. And no orienteer has ever been shark food.

Geocaching doesn't have the key elements for a new hipster enterprise - baubles to sell and groups of like minded consumers to show off to.

spdrider said...

toxteth o'grady,
It's actually a part of a Pace picante sauce jug being used as a fender. I think it probably was once on a Salsa.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Then I guess that adds another dimension to "buyer beware" when the listing claims that the bike for sale sports some Salsa components.

bikesgonewild said...

...they DO say "don't forget to pick up the 'pace' "...

Anonymous said...

Seattle's Pista-Dex is at $650

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/bik/665527163.html

sprider said...

bgw,
Is that why it's called a "pace" line?

AnnaZed said...

annon 9:04 -

Love that they didn't even bother with the frame size.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I know this bike, and the chode who rides it. Every time I see him, I want to punch him in the neck!

bikesgonewild said...

...sprider...i was tryin' ta come up w/ a good line about chips & salsa but it was all too corny & i didn't wanna sound like a dip...

Anonymous said...

Fun post, Snob, though I am surprised you aren't at least sheepish about being published in Time Out NY. It really is an awful magazine.

And why would a mentally disabled person like Bloodclot have to pretend to be retarded?

Anonymous said...

um, the floating brake lever is one thing. but what about the under-top tube bell and side of drops light fitting. that is just wrong.

Other Jim said...

Clearly he spent some bucks on that Fizik tape and didn't realize that he would need to unroll it to mount the brake. Of course the guys at the shop probably told him to get a front brake when they were 'installing' the tape. He probably T-boned a loose sheep and *then* decided to get the brake.

Splic said...

BGW:

"...but it was all too corny & i didn't wanna sound like a dip."

Zing!

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って言葉に負けましたwww
途中で扉が開いた時は焦ったけど、おかげでもっとオッキしたwww
http://pak3.net/yutori/

Alex said...

Whoa, never thought I would see anything about Corvallis on BSNYC...

Anonymous said...

Came across this too late but my friend owns that bike. It has a freewheel which means if you steal his bike you better find the USMBL, quick. He says it's his "anti-theft" device since he doesn't lock it. The bike usually is found nearby crashed in the bushes.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous above is correct. It was an ingenious idea until his sister decided to ride it home one day(unknowingly). DOH!

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