The BSNYC Department of Ichthyology: Leaping Over the Selachimorpha

For the most part, I don’t read cycling forums. There was a time when I did, though. That was in the heyday of rec.bicycles.tech, when people like Sheldon Brown, Jobst Brandt, Peter Chisholm, Andrew Muzi, and many others formed kind of a McLaughlin Group of cycling. This made for good reading, and even when discourse dissolved into debate there was a lot to learn. “Wreck Bikes” isn’t what it once was, though, (even though some of those people still post there) and the many other forums that have since arisen feature discussions that seem to be mostly dustbunnies of brand cheerleading and misinformation formed around tiny particles of actual truth.

There is one thing I always like to read about, though, and that’s myself. So occasionally when I’m alerted to a thread on a forum that involves me I check it out. Sometimes it’s someone sharing something they read here that they think is funny. Other times, it’s either people saying I suck because I was too mean about someone’s bike, or else it’s people saying I suck because I wasn’t mean enough about someone’s bike. And regularly, it’s someone making the pronouncement that I’ve officially “Jumped the Shark.”

I don’t mind when people disparage me. In fact, I like it. I’m flattered when people take a break from being unpaid cogs in the bicycle marketing hype machine to discuss me no matter what they say. Last night, though, after reading the umpteenth shark-jumping thread, I got annoyed. It wasn’t because I mind when people don’t like me—I don’t. It was because they’re just plain wrong.

“Jumping the Shark” refers to that “Happy Days” episode where the Fonz jumped over a killer whale. (Or it might have been some other type of dangerous marine life.) So when something Jumps the Shark it means it’s become a parody of itself and has resorted to going to extreme and absurd lengths to remain relevant and hold people’s attention. That’s not what’s happening here. No, what this last batch of forumites were trying to say is that this site has become boring. That’s different.

It’s perfectly fine to say I’m boring. I don’t plan to do this forever anyway. If you’re bored, you can take solace in the fact that this blog’s days in its present form are definitely numbered, and the end is in sight. (Though I just haven’t figured out exactly where to put the decimal place yet.) But it’s simply wrong to say I’ve “Jumped the Shark.” I may be boring, but I have not whored out my dignity in a sublimely bizarre and embarrassing moment of attention-seeking.

Yet.

But I plan to. Oh, yes. That’s why it gives me great pleasure to announce:

THE BSNYC SUMMER LIVE-BLOGGING SPECTACULAR!!!

That’s right: this June, inspired by hipster endurance magician David Blaine, I will suspend myself in a plexiglas cube over the Williamsburg Bridge bike path for 72 hours. Thus enclosed in a transparent cell of my own self-righteousness, I will proceed to blog non-stop for the duration of my incarceration. I will not eat, I will not sleep, and I will have nothing with me in the cube except a computer. (And possibly pants, though I haven’t decided yet. Also maybe some Rain-X in case the cube gets too foggy.) Bystanders will be able to read my words on a giant LCD screen as I type them, and I will have no mercy on the commuters who pass to and fro beneath me, as I flay them with words for no greater crime than riding a bike. And perhaps best of all, Letle Viride is slated to play live!

The BSNYC SUMMER LIVE-BLOGGING SPECTACULAR!!! will be brought to you by:

“The Computer of Choice for Typing in Public”

“Our Wheels Explode! Boom!”

“Your Cluelessness is Our Resurrection”

“We Don’t Know From Bikes—We Make Cheese.”

“The Bike Clothes for Precious People”

“The Bike Shop for Precious People”

Oh, and here’s the tag line:

This June. One man. One cube. BSNYC shark-jumping fever. (And he might be nude.) Catch it!