Monday, March 17, 2008

The Grand (Re)Design: A New Look for Spring!

In cycling as in life, it is important to set goals for yourself. Neither endeavor is about enjoyment. Rather, both are about striving towards accomplishments that pay off in tangible form. As such, I made sure to take some time during my week off for introspection and to re-align myself with my personal goals. Fortunately, in turns out that both my cycling and life goals are one and the same: to own a state-of-the-art time trial bike like this one.



Just looking at a bicycle like this reminds me why I love cycling. First of all, whether you're tearing around Central Park with your head down as you strive for another "personal best," admiring it as you strap it to the trunk rack of your Infiniti crossover vehicle, or lying under it after you suddenly find yourself ensared in a retractable dog leash, you can be assured that your eyes will alight on a logo reminding you that you paid top dollar to ride the very best. Secondly, owning such a bike gives you automatic entree into a world in which actual riding is a small and non-essential part of the joy of ownership. Since the events that warrant a time trial bike are infrequent, you can instead immerse yourself in activities like VO2 max tests, taking it to the bike shop to have the rear derailleur barrel adjuster turned for you, and paying professionals for intimate yet legal and socially acceptable one-on-one attention.

Yes, too many cyclists have a TT bike-shaped hole in their stables, and I for one refuse to count myself among their ranks any longer. Unfortunately, prohibitively expensive bicycles don't just come up to you and place themselves between your legs like friendly dogs or people with low self-esteem. You've got to purchase them with money--like pedigree dogs or people with low self-esteem who have turned to prostitution. So in the spirit of goal-fulfillment and revenue-generation I've hired a professional to re-design this blog. Here's a sneak preview of what the new BSNYC is going to look like:

This is pretty close to what the final product will be, except you also have to imagine it flashing a lot. Of course, I realize not everybody's going to take to it right away. In fact, even I had some concerns at first. Here were my initial comments to the designer:

Which he allayed quite convincingly:

So if you don't like the re-design either, just think of it as a new Brooks saddle. Except whereas the Brooks eventually conforms to your contours and becomes comfortable, this new look will instead savagely beat your taint into submission. Which is exactly what I expect my new TT bike will do too.

See you in the park! (If I can be bothered to lift up my teardrop-helmeted head.)

--BSNYC

110 comments:

upperclass said...

you guys are all gay!!!!!!!! first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

woogie woogie

Brian said...

Podium!

mojito said...

No muffin for my coffee this morning, so this blog was a nice substitute. The two lines about the dogs and people with low self-esteem were well worth building the blog around.

Anonymous said...

i missed you. welcome back.
j

Anonymous said...

what a lovely bike.
and, I just missed podium
mb

ZiP said...

top10

welcome back

Anonymous said...

I have several bikes, they're all fun to ride at different times, besides, you can't get any money worth talking about for a used bike (in my experience). I'm too busy to watch the Tour de Anywhere. Would someone, please, explain to me TT bikes? They are SO damn ugly. Are there ANY redeeming features that a sane person would want in them?
PS, I admit to leaning toward's Rivendell (I have just one, however).

Mark said...

Actually read the entire post for once and it was pretty good - so the snob is selling out. Maybe you could get the former Govenor to loan you the scratch to get one of these and you could pay him off by ... oh never mind.

thefutureofamerica said...

My god I missed you, snob. I'm so glad you're back safely. This seems like as good a place as any to ask this question... some friends and I were discussing yesterday whether hair can grow on the taint, or only on what the taint ain't. Any doctors on this board?

Anonymous said...

crap, can't even get in the top ten

Anonymous said...

I farted

erik k said...

last week sucked

kurtz433 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SkidMark said...

Anon 9:31

I don't understand TT bikes either. Truth be told, I think DH bikes are even uglier. Regardless, in order to understand TT bikes, we have to get inside the head of the tri-dork (after cracking through his glans shaped aero helmet). I don't know, maybe it falls in the same category as fat chicks and mopeds.

JimmyNick said...

Imagine seeing Kayle Leogrande on that TT bike in a photo on your new blog page. My head is exploding. More gratuitous sensory overload than a Kansas concert.

Ralphy said...

Welcome back, B-snob.

I think Bar-end shifters are really the bookends, the Alpha and Omega, of the cycling world. What else could go from retro-grouches too poor for integrated shifters*, all the way to Time Trialists with more money than sense (no matter how little money they have). Lowly bar-end shifters are either the most universal or most peripheral cycling component. Plucky little guys, I love 'em.

* no really, we use them cause they are dependable and adjustable, bla bla etc etc

Anonymous said...

TT bikes serve their purpose: For instance, beginner sprint-distance triathlons are really best served by unstable, unsightly ass-hatchet TT bikes for their 13 mile distance. If a bike is comfortable and stable, you wouldn't want to get off it to do that final 3 mile run. That and the free Pria bar at the finish are really incentives to keep going . . .

Strayhorn said...

Where's the Performance ad? Since their buy-out last year they have been sending me 3 emails a day, so apparently they have money to spend.

frank said...

First time reader
and I laughed my
Taint off

Matt Boulanger said...

Out for a spin to the bakery yesterday morning and here comes 18square yards of neon wrapped up over the horns of a TT ride, rife with bento boxes and gel, bottles with long straws, the whole thing. The worst part about the tri-geek thing is how they are taking over the runners, too. I can't go out for even a little jog now without falling under the disdainful stare of some HRM gel-belter who clearly needs me to know that they are there for more serious purposes than I.

Commiecanuk said...

I love TT bikes. It's so much fun to watch try-athlons, go to the first sharp corner and watch dentists accumulate in the hay barriers.

I have hired a personal training coach with some recent money I've come into, some of his advice is invaluable:

Lance Armstrong redefined pedaling style with his high cadence when climbing, thus, one can actually go faster uphill by pedaling faster. Stupid Europeans could never figure this out, chose to accuse him of doping instead. Same with Landis.

I learned that pedaling at 100rpm is optimal, especially in 53X11 uphills. Powermeter data and Matlab simulations confirm that pedaling faster makes the bike go faster. He's also shown me quite convincingly that when you stop pedaling, eventually the bike will slow down. Thank god for that $5500 Powertap.

Lastly, I spent $5600 on Lightweight wheels from a guy named Deiter in cool glasses and a black turtleneck. He explained that I will save 4 watts over 100 km with these wheels. Of course, he said that I would save 75 watts by riding in the handlebar drops or something ...but what's the point in that?

I wear my aero skinsuit and helmet all day now, I perform everything with 0.04 watts more efficiency. I also put aero dimples on everything I own with a ball peen hammer.

Lastly, I'm working with ZIPP in the windtunnel next week to work out a new aero taper on my turds. ZIPP engineers think they can generate the first Negative Drag dookie (with dimples). Those retard Europeans just pedal faster, ...morans.

Let Levi ride.

sd said...

Lets not confuse Tri bikes with time trial bikes. Tri bikes are for dentists looking for a thrill, TT bikes are for latent homosexual cat 2 lawyers that train 20 hours a week to have an excuse to avoid sex with their wives....

Anonymous said...

sd: harsh.

wishiwasmerckx said...

This first post back was like the rush a meth addict must get. We've already had a "woogie woogie" and a "your gay." We still need a "douchebag," a "just kidding" and a bunch of random ellipses to make the day complete.

Anonymous said...

Precision Pump penis pump ad.

Classic

bikeslob 80220 said...

Where do old TT bikes go to die?

To the Denver Craigslist bike ads, of course!

http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/606990717.html

This genius even suggests you make a FIXIE out of a TT bike with a 24" front wheel. Pedal strike, anyone?

tontsa said...

All you Facebook users join the BSNYC-club: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10694887315

Anonymous said...

Nice bike. Who makes it?

(How about the wheels?)

garnet said...

BSNYC, you've forgotten one potential enjoyment of a TT bike: throwing to the ground in fury like Bjarne Riis when it doesn't do what you want!

Anonymous said...

Oooh oohh! Is that a cycling specific penis pump???

Anonymous said...

bikeslob 80220,
I think it's called "shit ass pedal strike."

pinchfinger said...

I taint gonna like it none, this nuevo blog idea of yers. Just stick with what works dang it. Come to think of it, just cancel my subscription.

Anonymous said...

"...like friendly dogs or people with low self-esteem. You've got to purchase them with money--like pedigree dogs or people with low self-esteem who have turned to prostitution."

Glad to have you back... looks like the rest might have reinvigorated whatever part of you that keeps me wasting my lunch every day reading.

gewilli said...

yeah - that's it

commercialize it...

well you ain't the only one to buck the buck trend...

major major integrity points go to BSNYC.

just ask bikesgonewild!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:09pm,

You bet--I wouldn't endorse it otherwise. Comes with a bracket so you can mount it on your water bottle boss.

--BSNYC

Rob said...

Welcome back, Bike Snob!

Pol Pot said...

I just got back from my $300 Choat Precision Pump fitting. I lost a water bottle, but man the free watts are amazing.

Splic said...

"Unfortunately, prohibitively expensive bicycles don't just come up to you and place themselves between your legs like friendly dogs or people with low self-esteem."

I've missed you.

bikesgonewild said...

...hey now, bsnyc, glad to see ya back...

...& selling out will just give ya more time to write your broadway bicycle play "taint misbehavin'"...

ufniahs said...

someone got some well needed rest!

gttim said...

The proper way to ride a TT Bike!

(Bad word yelled at the end! And a lovely Simon and Garfunkel soundtrack!)

And yes, "Unfortunately, prohibitively expensive bicycles don't just come up to you and place themselves between your legs like friendly dogs or people with low self-esteem," is worth every penny I pay to read your blog!

Anonymous said...

commiecanuk: you said lastly twice
shoulda been once - in the first paragraph

CustomerService said...

Gttim:
That's a Yusuf Islam song on the soundtrack not Paul Simon and that other guy.

Crawdad said...

I was on a cycle tour last week, so I did't miss your blog, but I did see a guy in wierd little shorts, a sassy little beard and bar end shifters on his little twenty year old fully loaded recumbent coming off the Natchez Trace, openly sneering at every bike, thing and person he saw. Was that you, Bike Snob?

Anonymous said...

It's all about the aero dimples according to Elliot!

Anonymous said...

Elliot just informed me it's aero nipples not aero dimples!

Commiecanuk said...

Anonymous said...

commiecanuk: you said lastly twice
shoulda been once - in the first paragraph


Firstly, get a life.
Lastly, fuck off.

Better?

crispy said...

Glad to have to you back Snob, it was a quiet week without you

Anonymous said...

...you guys are all douchebags...

...just kidding...

...Let Levi Ride...

...bump...

broomie said...

For those of you who "don't get" TT bikes.

TT bike primer: head down position allows rider to go faster than a traditional road postion for same energy cost. Boy that was complicated.

Popular in trathlon because (except for ITU) Triathlons are not draft legal. Also steeper seat tube angle takes load off of hamstrings leaving you fresher for run.
You can still run with screaming throbbing quads. Try it sometime.

Things not to do on your TT bike:
run to the store
set a PR becuase you are late for class
group rides
cruise the boardwalk looking for chicks

mr.complaint said...

Without the TT shaped hole the velodonut would just be that crappy deli muffin.

Anonymous said...

SD = SPOT ON! FUNNY

SkidMark said...

commiecanuk

I don't care how many times you used "lastly" - that was some funny shiite!

Stephen said...

customerservice, and gttim:

Actually, it was a Cat Stevens song, "Wild World," written and recorded long before he converted to Islam and changed his name to Yusuf Islam.

sd said...

Broomie,
We get them, we just don't have 6 grand lying around to spend on a bike that is useful three times a year. I don't need 12 BAR points that bad...

gttim said...

Gttim:
That's a Yusuf Islam song on the soundtrack not Paul Simon and that other guy.


Damn, At first I thought it was actually Cat Stevens! Guess I was wrong twice.

(As a 45 year old, I hang my head in shame for blowing what should have been an easy edition of "Name That Tune/Artist!")

Pol Pot said...

Gttimm: Don't be so hard on yourself...Don't know who's actually singing the song on the video, but it doesn't sound like the artist formely known as Cat Stevens.

Scott said...

If the guys who put that video together were cool at all, they'd have used the Mr. Big cover of "Wild World."

Bonus points for knowing who Mr. Big's bassist was.

gttim said...

It is Cat Stevens. I am going to go home and run my TT bike into a parked car as penance. As a matter of fact I am going to run it into the SUV my neighbor uses to run cyclists off the road. He should suffer as well!

gttim said...

If the guys who put that video together were cool at all, they'd have used the Mr. Big cover of "Wild World."

OK, wait. Now I no longer feel like the most foolish person in the world.

Pol Pot said...

Scott:

Thanks, now I have the image of Billy Shehann riding a TT bike and singing Wild World etched into my cerebral cortex.
Discalimer: No offense to Billy Shehann, he is a rock god.

Anonymous said...

i think that bike is at r and a cycles on rth ave in bk. they are soo snobby there.

ssobiek83 said...

The void in my heart after last week has been filled. I don't even care about the ads as long as you don't negotiate any more vacations with yourself.

drew said...

hey, snob. will you sponsor me for a local TT series?... no for real will you? it is 9 total races and they last ALL FREAKIN SUMMER! hey i mean it. it is going to cost about 220$ for series registration and time chip equipment.
you'll dig it the best. i had a tt shaped slot in my bike rack so i filled it with your fave! A pista concept! no no no no riser bars. good ol carbon fiber easton attack TT bars no freestyle.
but yeah pay for me to race the TT series. they have a fixed gear catagory and i made a fixed gear TT bike.
please?
http://www.carolinatt.org

xRideVeganx said...

Upperclass actually made me laugh with that first comment...
Here I am sitting at the bus stop in littleton colorado! The most boring white neighborhood I've ever lived in, listening to cars rev their engine as they drive by as if they expect me to look up and be impressed that their car is loud and annoying. I'm typing on my sidekick with one hand and the recovery of my arm might be compromised due to lack of funds, my left hand may never function fully again, jeapordising my career of being a tattooist. My life is fecked and all I can think of is the word taint....

P.s. I just made a facebook 2 days ago... hipster hustle is my name on there...lame.

Pps. Dude who does the denver cl ads. I hate denver cl bike adds. Missed connections is where its at! Jk. Denver is boring... weep weep.

I never said...

Wow "prohibitively expensive bicycles don't just come up to you and place themselves between your legs like friendly dogs or people with low self-esteem. You've got to purchase them" classic... now I know why I must go to work every day ... I can do something about the c..p bikes I ride, 20 year old TT bikes don't look so sexy

Bella said...

NEED ADDITIONAL INFO:

Okay, what's the ad in the top-most left corner for custom jerseys? 5pc minimum; no color charge.

If they're not charging for colors I have a feeling the stock white jersey is probably $300/pc but I'm still interested.

There ya go Snobby... you just made your first banner sale.

Bella said...

NEED ADDITIONAL INFO:

Okay, what's the ad in the top-most left corner for custom jerseys? 5pc minimum; no color charge.

If they're not charging for colors I have a feeling the stock white jersey is probably $300/pc but I'm still interested.

There ya go Snobby... you just made your first banner sale.

bikesgonewild said...

...wow, a double order...

Anonymous said...

1989 Tour de France: Greg LeMond beats Laurent Fignon by 58 seconds to take the yellow jersey on the final stage of the TdF using: aerobar, aero-helmet, disc-wheel...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyvwtOQYQ-E

...while owning a TT bicycle won't imbue us with the prowess of a pro-tour rider, the same aerodynamic savings over a 40K TT vs. a road bike are astronomical regardless of who's riding.

Evershed said...

did anyone else see that snob snuck in an advertisement for a PENIS PUMP! I should get a prize if I was the first to notice this but im too lazy to wade through the crap that is this comment board.

broomie said...

Sd,

Well, Anon 9:31 DID ask for someone to explain TT bikes & Skidmark DID say he doesn't get them, either...

Besides, not all TT bikes are $6000. The BMC Time Machine w/ DA is $10,000.

Then again Leaderbikes sells a TT frame for under $200.00. Throw on some Neuvations, forte pedals and a 105 group and, viola! a working class TT bike.

I guess I should explain. I work for the TTBADL, time trial bicycle anti-defamation league. Our mission is to end the hate against TT bikes trhough education, outreach and activism.

Chunk said...

So I've got both an iBike and a Powertap on my bike at the moment?

Does that mean I'm going to hell or am just really gay?

Anonymous said...

Drew does your fixed gear tt bike have brakes?
If you leave off the brakes you'll go faster and put foot pegs on the top tube so you can take your feet off the pedals. be carefull not to get your cycling jeans stuck in the chain.

broomie said...

Chunk,

You answered your own question.

A gay rider would have a tasteful and practical setup. Yours is merely redundant.

Pete Pete said...

triumphant return!

look at all those logos! surely on your new bike everyone will know that you are a special kind of cyclist and that your wheels are zippy fast.
make sure your legs are shaven.

SkidMark said...

Speaking of people with low self-esteem who have turned to prostitution...nice blog, DREW!!

Anonymous said...

Snob,
Are you implying that I could actually tune the rear derailleur barrel adjuster on my own?!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 6:02, of course Fignon now claims that he had an open weeping boil on his ass that day, but for which he would have vanquished LeMond. Never mind that LeMond turned the fastest average speed recorded up to that point in time. Ah, the French. You've got to love them.

ct said...

welcome back snob.

as an ironman, i feel i can justify taking a second job to buy a custom carbon tri bike, but nothing makes me want to vomit more than the 300-lber squeezed into some CSC kit riding the brakes on a P3.

i find most high-end bikes should be taken away from their owners until proper riding skills - and more importantly speed - are acquired. until then, they ought be reminded that the girl zipping past them uphill on a singlespeed carrying 20lbs of books isn't admiring them, it the bike.

but the new Transition is fuck-ugly.

Anonymous said...

O my God! Specialized worked out a way to make Argyle wearing Team Sodastream riders not look like the biggest dicks in the peleton, by making Girlysteiner and CSC (Cycling Sucks Crap) ride the world's fulgliest ever TT bike...

Bluenoser said...

Hey Snob,

Welcome back. Feeling rested? Do any racing?

-B

broomie said...

Its a pity the picture doesn't show the aero water bottle that goes with the bike.

Eric Thrasher Troili.. said...

If it means being comfortable with saying, "I asked Greg to put me in a illegal position just for curiosity's sake. Put it back once I got the sensation of the right position. You can be legal in the front mounting hole..", I'll never feel the pleasure of a TT.. Not that there's anything wrong with that..

broomie said...

eric,

There is no pleasure in TT.

In the race of truth there is only pain. Especially in your mounting hole.

Nick said...

Anonymous March 17, 2008 12:14 PM

You're supposed to read this on COMPANY time!

Nick

Greg said...

he's one of only four level 2 coaches in NYC for chrissakes!
sign me up.

Anonymous said...

Commiecanuk @ 10:44am = awesome

Welcome back Snob!

Anonymous said...

Re Cat Stevens et al:

What's with the trend the last several years of bands doing covers that are carbon copies of the original? Just shameless.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=mZqEqypU4cs

will said...

"Since the events that warrant a time trial bike are infrequent, you can instead immerse yourself in activities like VO2 max tests, taking it to the bike shop to have the rear derailleur barrel adjuster turned for you, and paying professionals for intimate yet legal and socially acceptable one-on-one attention."

Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

welcome back, snob!

and a happy st. patty's day to you.

Bike Gear said...

Wonder how many months of salary will be enough to afford this bike :)

Anonymous said...

Haha, bike fitting by Greg Choad.

sd said...

Anon 6:02, feel free to use a time trial bike any time you are less than a minute down in a stage race.

CT, Were you turned to steel, in the great magnetic field?
Where you travelled time, for the future of mankind?

frankenbiker said...

Hey bike snob.long time reader here, never posted until now.Someone should build a fixed gear, full suspension, time trial, tall bike.Now THAT would be a real abomination.

gttim said...

What's with the trend the last several years of bands doing covers that are carbon copies of the original?

Somebody needs to introduce all these bands to Joe Cocker. He could do a cover!

cat stevens said...

I'm dreaming of a big muslim,
big muslim,
big muslim.

DEATH TO INFIDELS

Commiecanuk said...

I can't believe you Luddites still use penis pumps, I switched to Co2 cartridge technology years ago.

I don't care about my carbon footprint.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC

Outside Magazine has just put out some pretty BSNYC noteworthy bike reviews I think you might get a kick out of. Have to check out the magazine to see them however.

Just thought I'd pass that along.

Judi said...

Missed ya, and I don't think I am gonna like the new look. BUT, if it'll make ya some cash, go for it. More money for your cycling habit, yea?

I love love love my TT bike. My b/f rode a tt bike, crushed the shit out of it for 2 years. The poor frame is about to break in half, it's retired to hang on the wall. He just bought his 1st carbon road bike - it's monaq*ed so it kinna looks like a tt frame from far away.

Hope ya had a nice vaca, and isn't Purim coming up? :)

Anonymous said...

Judi
Sounds like your b/f must be one of those "300-lbers" that make ct (9:18pm) want to vomit.

AMRcyclist said...

Pretty TT bike but it doesn't look fast. It might be those clincher wheels with white tyres. Good for coffee rides!

Johhny Sprocket said...

If I'm gonna pay someone $300 I want them adjusting more than just my ankles !!

Why don't these guys just pedal harder? It works for me !

Anonymous said...

Anonymous at 6.02pm

Lemond just pedalled harder than Fignon, that's how bicycle racing works.

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