Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Track or Treat: Dressing Your Bike for Halloween

Halloween is coming, and leaving your bike out of the festivites is like going trick-or-treating but leaving your child at home. So why not dress up your favorite ride and take it out for a night on the town? I've already got my bike costumes worked out--I'm dressing them all up as Mike Wallace and we're going to stay home reading aloud from transcripts of "60 Minutes"--but if you need help coming up with your own here are a few possibilities to lube your chain of creativity. Of course, these are all fixed-gears, but you should be able to come up with something for your own bike no matter what you're riding. And be sure to wear something yourself to complement your bike's costume:
Rolling Pumpkin

This one's easy. Gluing some leaves and a pumpkin stem to the top tube should complete the illusion:

And of course for the full Cucurbita effect you should be sure to don this delightful chapeau:


Ah yes, the tall bike--like a tandem, only way more stupid. The possibilities for dressing up your own are endless: a garment rack; the Wright Brothers plane; a Rube Goldberg device... But these can also be labor intensive. If you're pressed for time, just try a simple scaffold. You don't really have to do anything:

To drive home the point you can carry a bucket of paint around, offer to change people's light bulbs, or maybe even dress like this:

Or, if you're a surrealist, consider going in this direction:

Steven Tyler's Mic Stand

This costume is only a few more schmatas away from completion:

No prizes for figuring out who you should dress like when you take the stage with this bike. Let's just say he's ample of mouth, he's flirting with avian flu, and he talks, dresses, and acts like a slightly younger Joan Rivers:

Herb Garden

Just glue a few sprigs of parsley, basil, and thyme to this bike and hop aboard the garnish express:

Be sure to carry a garden trowel and dress accordingly:

Geared Road Bike

Dressing this bike up is easy too--just bolt on a derailleur and tape on some STI cable housing:

Don't forget to shave your legs and dress yourself up to match:

You can even include the dog!


Anonymous said...

green, bitches.

John said...

slightly younger joan rivers -

Chris Mayhew said...

Damn, a brakeless, tapeless tall bike fixie. Just think of the top tube pad possibilities. Kinda like those tandems with bottle mounts everywhere, including the chainstays.


Karl Rover said...

Don't forget that you can dress up your toddler to match the bike as well

Prolly said...

Aerosmith track bikes FTL!

velostrummer said...

I don't understand how anybody can ride that idiot tall bike nor why anybody would. Orthopedic surgeons everywhere are creaming their pants. said...

i love that word.
my granfather used to refer to dollar bills as schmatas.
he was a mean miserly man.

Deltaentropy said...

Come on man, aint nothin wrong with tall bikes! Now thats a fixed gear trend I can jump on, and I have no choice but to jump off.

Jim said...

Hey, that tall bike / scaffold thing... it's been done before.

Badly, I might add.

Scott said...

That last bike deserves a post all on its own. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how STI levers found their way onto the fixed gear conversion of a two decade old frame. Could you please create a plausible (or at least laughable) backstory for this?

Sean Lynch said...

You can tell that dog is just in a costume for Halloween.

Or maybe its a poser.

A real roadie's dog would be a hairless.

bikesgonewild said...

...that's a fixed grrrr dog...

Anonymous said...

— Very funny, this was a great read over my morning soy vanilla latte... thanx Mr. Snob. Happy Halloween to you and yer readers!

: )

Sean Lynch said...


That's like neutering right?

n8 said...

The risers and platforms on the Koga make me want to cry and punch then kick.

I'll pretend its a track bike dressed as a mountain bike for Halloween. That way it wont ruin my day.

huphtur said...

Here's my Pumpkin Bike.

theHat said...

2 Halloween Miyata's!! (well ones a koga/miyata) I cant find a Miyata track frame anywhere and you found 2! in costume even.

leroy said...

Doesn't the scaffold bike need a noose and a trapdoor?

I mean, it is Halloween after all.

And I've got to agree with Sean Lynch.

A real roadie's dog would at least have shaved legs.

Anonymous said...

i will knit my bike an orange and black top tube pad with green crochet'd tendrils. i will be rad!

Brian said...

I wonder if that stem on the Benotto were any brand other than Cinelli, would anyone would bolt one up?

I might, if I could find a decent powdercoater in this town...

bikesgonewild said...

...check out schmata miyata on fgg when its set up w/out drops...not sure if it's for real or not...

...yes, fixed = neutering...

...neute-ring, new terminology: "the act of limiting yourself to one fixed gear" ???...

Anonymous said...

Keeping the Halloween theme alive... Check out fatcyclist's costume ideas

BotchedExperiment said...

a scam? I just saw the "blingspeed" chris king wheels on the DENVER craigslist:

nevermind, i don't read. said...


gewilli said...

"Ah yes, the tall bike--like a tandem, only way more stupid. "


best line in the whole thing...

Meep said...

Ooh! This reminds me... my Halloween costume this year is a Hipster Scout (see the comic Cat and Girl). As such, I made a patch for "owning a fixie" and now you've inspired me!
I'm putting the tube top from the bike I had when I was 5 on my bike...!

R. Zach Thomas said...

Bet that Benotto was hanging around, being geared and all, and dude took off the derailleurs, shortened the chain, etc. I'm all for budget conversions on ratty old Schwinns and Peugeots, but that Benotto was better off with a freewheel.

Chazu said...

This may help with costume ideas, too.

(scroll down a bit for the flow chart)

SkidMark said...

Don't think I haven't considered making a tallbike out of a piece of scaffold, Mr. Bike Snob.

Anonymous said...

if the koga wanted to mix things up a bit i think going as Finding Nemo would work just fine

The Great White Hype said...

A Benotto doesnt deserve a fate like that.

seventythree said...

I'm going to be
bikesnobNYC for

1.Let's see, I'll need a few neophytes
who will gaggle and giggle like
teenage girls over every quip I

2. come up with hackneyed words and pics
to throw up on the blog-ad infinitum
and somehow still maintain superiority over
the fixed gear riders as they are not true cyclists
in mine eyes.

3. sell out
- as Perry Farrel once sang in a song
cash in now honey
cash in now!

I had better tell everyone else in the office to go
as BikeSnobNYC too. But we'll maintain that it
is a single one among us that transcribes the transgressions on the tarmac.

on your left BSNYC!

BikeSnobNYC said...


I'm flattered and would be happy to lend you a pair of well-used bib shorts for your costume. And don't forget #4: suck at racing.

I wish someone would tell my wallet I sold out...


Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or does the dog suit have a cut out for his Junk?

crjames said...

anonymous 10:30,
that's totally dog junk.

seventythree said...

my apologies BSNYC

all in jest good sir.

Scott said...

R. Zach Thomas,

This crazy thing about the Benotto is that those shifters were not stock on that bike, guaranteed. That Benotto is a vintage 80's frame. Those shifters are mid-age STI, putting squarely past the turn of the century. The two had to come together somehow in some sort of crazed love affair that left the shifters sadly amputated of their shifter cables.

Anonymous said...

BikeSnobNYC said...


No need--I thought it was funny. Don't ruin it by apologizing!


alliwannadoisbicycle said...

for some extra ridiculous halloween fun, make your way to the craigmeur cross race in NJ on sunday. bring your camera- the costume contest should be hilarious

swaged said...

I'm dressing as:

'A suitcase of courage'

Nick M said...

That very tall contraption should get a rubber and be used as a advertisement for Viagra.

devil's anvil said...

Ok, tandems look silly but the cheapo quasi-MTB ex-hire tandem I bought six months ago has been perhaps the best bike purchase I've made. Shame it's so damn ugly.

Pre-tandem: much discussion with girlfriend about how to get to party/bar/park/anywhere, often ending with me driving. And when we ride, it's at a slow pace.

Post tandem: We ride everywhere. I don't have to slow down to wait for her. She doesn't have to fret about crossing busy streets (it helps that I value safety and obey the road rules!). She gets to take it easy while I do most of the work. We get to talk the whole way. And at least once a week I go and pick her up from somewhere or other. I love it. I'm thinking of buying another!

I reckon most people who knock tandems have just never tried one. Or perhaps they have nobody to share the ride with. Or they're just too concerned with looks. Function over form!

devil's anvil said...

PS Love the blog!

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