Thursday, July 5, 2007

Fixedgeargallery...of tortured whispers.

If there were a Fixie Whisperer, here's what these bikes would tell him:



"My owner used all the bar tape wrapping my top tube and doesn't know where to buy more."


"There is nothing my owner won't buy. Nothing."


"Somiglio a una torta nuziale. Ucciderme. "


"My owner and I both get beat up a lot."

"Every time my owner gets a new star tattoo, I get another sticker! Yay!"

"Hello? Hello?!? If you can hear me, please, PLEASE steal me and put my gears back on! This guy is completely insane. My address is 313--oh, uh, hi there Buck. No, I wasn't talking to anybody. Say, why don't you clip on that helmet mirror and let's you and me go for a ride!"

25 comments:

Pete said...

Bucky there says his average cadence on a 110 mile ride was... 255 RPM.


Riiiiiight.

big jonny said...

Everything must be off by a factor of at least two.

55 mile ride with an average cadence of 127.5?

Maybe it's more like a factor of three....

steve said...

The first one also spent too much time trimming off his brooks saddle with an exacto knife. Does that <1oz weight difference really matter?

steve said...

this guy's shoes match his bike. Is this one up for a future post I hope?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Steve,

Wow, that is a pitch-perfect trend-mongering disaster. That's the purple ano of '07. Those top-wrapped bars look like someone who went in for collagen injections but could only afford the upper lip. And the shoes truly do cinch the whole thing together. I will give the guy credit though--he tackled his own wheel build. With any luck the poor guy will come to his senses in a few years.

--BSNYC

Jim said...

I like the bike with the stickers. Best of all is the "Satan is Cooler than God" sticker. Yeah, no sh1t, Sh3rlock. That's why Milton's Paradise Lost rocks, but Paradise Regained (same author for you bidness majors) blows chow. This maddd cyclist must have rocked Freshman Lit at Berzerkely to come up with that insight.

It must be the greatest to be an English PhD / baristo who rides a fixed gear with banal stickers on it all over San Fran. Like the coolest thing ever. Much cooler than being a dork engineer Silicon Valley gazzilionaire on a tasteful custom Serotta, a Prowler and a trophy wife and 15k sq. ft. home near Berdoo. No, really. I mean it. It must be aweseome. Cooler than ice cubes. Seriously. Just ask the other baristos.

Jay said...

Wow that purple and green thing... Looks like a clown threw up. I used to work at Joes Bike Shop here in Baltimore. I'm kinda glad I wasn't around to see that thing come in. I mean I woulda helped him but still....

Stuart said...

The lock-up job on that Nishiki (part of the sticker bike posting) is about as bad as it gets.

Miriam said...

Is that Italian for "I put puffy paint on my bike to make it look bitchen"?

Jay said...

Here is the link to purple and green man's Surly that he has for sale. $700 for a Surly fixie?!?!?!?!?!?! Are you nuts?????

http://baltimore.craigslist.org/bik/367426619.html

bikepennst8 said...

did anyone see the bianchi pista concept with a tri-spoke front and riser bars in the one link:
http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2007/july/1/RobertFord.htm

...riser bars
o it hurts

Prolly said...

Why the fuck do you people care what or how people ride?

Get over it. They're not driving their cars when they're riding their bike and to me that's enough of an accomplishment.

Mr. Bike Snob, why not post pictures of yourself and your bikes and liven up the discussion since you find it appropriate to bash people over the internet?

Chris Mayhew said...

'Cause this blog isn't about making fun of BikeSnobNYC, it's about making fun of idiots and poseurs.

Why not go start your own blog making fun of BSNYC if you're so hot and bothered? Or are the bombs he drops landing a little too close for comfort?

There is some super stupid stuff out there. Spend one day in a bike shop. Trust me, BSNYC speaks for anyone with more than two days of wrenching under his belt. Like the time I got asked about welding some extra steerer tube onto an old fork. Saw him 2 weeks later on a ride, BTW.

big jonny said...

You can make fun of my bikes. Because I don't give a fuck.

http://www.drunkcyclist.com/gallery/main.php?g2_itemId=147

BikeSnobNYC said...

Prolly,

You're right of course--it's great people are riding. Trust me that I realize my bikes and I are as ripe for parody as anything else, and I have no illusions to the contrary. I also think it's great that the cycling scene is large and diverse enough to inspire a little satire. I think it can take it.

I appreciate the comment and that you took the time to read.

--BSNYC

Mr No Blogger said...

They may come of as poseurs, which some of them are. But you come off as a wanker. Just because you worked in a bike shop... big fucking deal. Fixed gear bikes are to this era, what hot rods were to the 50's. Just let them have their fun.

Anonymous said...

"Fixed gear bikes are to this era, what hot rods were to the 50's."

I think that most people now think of 50's hot-rods as the vanity projects of callow, self-absorbed adolescent boys (who later grew into callow, insecure middle-age men). A bike is a not a fashion accessory.

I applaud people who try to be creative and original, but from what I've seen, 'fixie culture' (a patent oxymoron) is very derivative and internally conformist. I think fixie riders are due for criticism more than other species of cyclists because so many fixie-types pride themselves on their ostensible individuality, but will mercilessly mock any rider who deviates from what is currently cool. (Read through the threads on FGG if you don't believe me.) I don't like roadies much, either, but at least they're not such hypocrties. Of course, this is coming from a 'commuter,' and we all pride ourselves for our ruggedness and ethical rectitude.

Buckwilde said...

p.s. Everything else in that chart is 100% correct; I have no cadence sensor hooked up and it throws those weird numbers (255). Lake George isn't that far from NYC... any doubters can come on up and we can have another go at it if you don't believe me ;-)

I also totally APPRECIATE Bike Snob's wit, humor, and observations and totally agree that such a rare/nice bike just might get gears back.... someday; but for now I super enjoy riding it just the way it is and at least I didn't ride a loud ass harley spewing noise and over rich exhaust as thousands of other creatins were doing in the name of "Americade" the day I rode around the Lake!

Viva spinning pedals!!!!

Anonymous said...

Shiite; he said "purple ano".

Dan and Carrie Williams said...

What I find sweet about the Indy Fab is that it's owner took the time to even color coordinate his hydration choice...though given the wheels and circa 1994 Ringle Brake hangers, a fresh bottle of Fruit Punch Gatorade might "match" a bit better...at least in the owner's warped world of color swatch heresy.

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