Friday, July 20, 2007

Fixedgeargallery...of celebrity doppelgangers

In our celebrity-obsessed culture, it's inevitable that bikes sometimes reflect the brightest stars of the pop-culture firmament. Here are some examples:



This bike screams "Molly Ringwald" all the way. Same color scheme, same time period, same dowdy accessories and same awkward stance.

"Let's Get Physical"



This is the polar opposite of the Molly Ringwald bike. Purple fade, bandana, spokey-dokeys...this bike wants to be in an aerobics studio. Let me hear your body talk!



With its careful color coordination, trendy "hardcore" accessories, skater aesthetic, and diminutive stance, this bike could be any one of the members of fake punk band Good Charlotte. (Or Blink 182, or Sum 41, or...)


Deliverance




When I stumbled upon this picture on Fixedgeargallery it chilled me to the bone. A lonely bike in shadow on a muddy river bank. Something terrible is about to happen. I sense a couple of rusty old Schwinns missing some spokes lurking in the trees. This bike is definitely the Jon Voight character, though. If it were Burt Reynolds it would have a top-tube pad.


"Good Times"


35 comments:

bother yam said...

Re: Good Times

Dammit snob -- you owe me a new monitor. The keyboard is probably older than most of the tykes riding these things so that survive the deluge of coffee.

But you still owe me a monitor...

Anonymous said...

Holy shit that is funny stuff. You totally nailed the Deliverance bike. Throw a quiver on the back to hold your arrows and it's complete.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm still playing my game. The game where I look at FGG first then I try to guess which bikes will be on BSNYC. I knew that 'good times' would be here, I just wasn't sure why. Well done! Also, some might be interested in this: http://phoenix.craigslist.org/bik/376803369.html the price is right and it would be a great fixie conversion...at least no one else would have one. There is also a set of wheels http://phoenix.craigslist.org/bik/377220931.html to make your full suspension 26" wheeled fixed gear truly one of a kind! JB Weld not included.

Fxdwhl said...

Lookit how shiney this here boys handlebars is...

Those ill-intentioned schwinns can smell a conversion a mile away.

Anonymous said...

That carefully aligned row of skateboards in pristine condition in the second picture of the punk bike really says it all.

len said...

how the hell do you stop in less than a city block riding over 5 mph brakeless and platform pedals?

mfez said...

Even more hilarious than your site is fixedgeargallery, which I just checked out. And why are people riding around on huge gears, like 48X15s?

Jim said...

Instead of holding up numbers, which are probably hard to see from where you and everybody else sits, from now on I'm just going to give you food/drink option, how it came out, velocity, and where it landed. It will be like Clue, except you'll have all the answers.

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JTS said...

I could spend hours on the punk bike. The skateboards, the muy thai bag, the nike sticker, where to begin . . .

Fritz said...

I need to remember to set the soda down while reading BikeSnobNYC. That is HILARIOUS.

My clues: Mountain Dew. Spewed through the mouth. 25 mph. On my desk at work.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...I actually like the first bike...and I never found Molly Ringwald attractive at all. go figure.

wait a minute...does Good Charlotte actually try to pass themselves off as being from DC? I would think they'd get their asses stomped in DC.

- Stu

Anonymous said...

Len,

Stopping a fixed gear with platform pedals (known as Jamaican Style) works like this:

Wait until your 'strong leg' pedal cycles to the front of its rotation.

Catch the underside of the pedal with the top of your foot and apply upward pressure.

Apply downward pressure with your trailing foot on the backside pedal.

Skid to a stop.

Now, I've done this before and I'm confident enough in my ability to stop within a city block from a 5mph cruising speed. This being said, platforms on a bike with a fixed wheel are just stupid, even if you have a brake.

Also, Jamaican Style takes skill, most folks with platforms on a fixie who aren't of Caribbean descent are severely lacking in those.

Cheers!

Matt in Seattle

ben said...

Yo homey. .
this blog actually kept me from thinking that I had no place to turn to in the completely unbelievable world of "fixies" and annoying new track bike kids.

Thanks for all your posts. It's helped me through some tough times. . .Please post more and more. I can't wait for the book to come out. . .

Anonymous said...

"Even more hilarious than your site is fixedgeargallery, which I just checked out. And why are people riding around on huge gears, like 48X15s?"

Because that's the kind of gear you push when it's flat ground...and imagine that they may use the bike at the track, where 48x15 is a VERY appropriate gear. If you can't push 48x15 on the flats, you need some legs.

Mr T said...

Dude, I think you owe it to all of us to post some pics of your bikes! It's fine to be mouthing off and dissing everybody else's bikes, now be a man and show us what you got!!

Philip Williamson said...

I heard Fixed Gear Gallery is going to start putting a little icon next to the bikes you critique.

It's going to be a badge of honor: "BikeSnob called my bike a 'clown bike'!"

16:9 said...

Absolutely hilarious and not a little brilliant.
http://cycleliciousness.blogspot.com/

Drew said...

Thanks for the laugh! That Good Times ride needed no explanation. I could see the picture coming before I scrolled down... Well done! Special request: a future post about the Brat Pack's bicycle dopplegangers

Anonymous said...

DC's finest? Are you kidding me? Finest what? Finest 7th grade "punk" rock band? These poseur's should be mowing Ian McKay's lawn for free.

the pope said...

whoo boy! you really socked-it-to-em!
I'll bet they are all staring at their bikes at this moment thinking "do I really need this bandana on my top tube?" bikesnob you are really on to something here, you aren't afraid to tell it like it is!
you know what I think is funny, when folks buy rims that cost far more than their car!!!
oh god I'm woozy because I'm laughing so hard!! I'm L'ingOL

Anonymous said...

Good God man! The Deliverance bike
made me laugh till I cried.
Burt would definitely would have a top tube pad.Keep up the good work
and don't let anyone slide.

Emily said...

"let's get physical" That's totally my bike! Leroy is all down for wearing purple and squeezing thouse tighs down the streets of san diego.

Nolan said...

haha im the proud owner of the molly ringwald bike. Can't say i disagree with anything you said. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

Your posts have served as quite the diversion the last few hours. I've laughed out loud several times while reading, but felt as though I should finally thank you for the Deliverance bit. That was priceless.

Andrew

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Bike Locks said...

This polar opposite of the Molly Ringwald bike. Purple fade, bandana, spokey-dokeys...this bike wants to be in an aerobics studio.

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