Wednesday, May 29, 2019

New Outside Column!

I have a new column for Outside and it's all about "Bike-Outs," which aren't even a thing:

And yes, "rideouts" are a thing, but "bike-outs" where you go around harassing old people aren't.

As for me, after last week's bout of one-speeding, yesterday I opted for a bicycle with high-volume tires and a wide range of gear ratios:

I also did something I rarely do these days, which was to transport my bicycle to the trail by using THE CAR THE BANK OWNS UNTIL I FINISH PAYING THEM BACK in conjunction with the Saris SuperClamp EX hitch-mounted bicycle rack:

I don't particularly enjoy driving to rides, and the Trails Behind The Mall are so close that it doesn't even really save me much time.  However, I did so simply because my time was limited, the forecast called for thunderstorms at any given moment, and I figured this way I could ride until the skies opened up and then retreat to the car in case of severe weather as opposed to being stuck in a downpour 10 miles from home.  Also, slapping the Saris on the car takes like two minutes,

Of course, as it turned out, it never rained too heavily after all, and riding there and back would have been perfectly fine.  Moreover, the forest canopy provided sufficient shelter from the rain we did receive and the trails stayed reasonably dry the whole time.  Nevertheless, the process of unloading the car afterwards did inspire me to take advantage of this exotic device:

And give the Jones a quick rinse, which is something that rarely happens:

As of July it will be one year with the Jones SWB Complete, and my love for this bike is undiminished.  Moreover, all of the components have held up extremely well under heavy use, and it's one of those rare bikes you can buy relatively cheaply and yet not have to change a thing--except possibly your lifestyle.  In fact, this bike is so capable it almost makes me want to sleep outside.



BamaPhred said...

Hose Snob Podium?

huskerdont said...

"arguably you’re failing as a teenager if nobody’s annoyed at you"

Replace "teenager" with "human" and you've got my sentiments exactly. I didn't always feel this way, but as a cyclist I found that the majority of humans are tools. If you're not annoying tools, you're doing something wrong.

Beck the biker said...

The mobs of lawless cyclists is a timeless trope deployed against bicyclists since the 1870s. Regards the rain - another trope, deployed against rain by deluded cyclists in the PNW - "a person can only get so wet". A clear plastic trash bag, kept in the saddlebag for deluges, looks tres chic over a jersey and works as well as a Rapha gillet. Or so i've told myself in a downpour. Bloviating podiu-mating?

pbateman uses artisnal spring waters from Japan to clean his bikes said...

hey Snob,

UCI i think requires the use of Lead-Free hoses these days so make sure your cleaning equipment is up to code. What kinda of nozzle are you running?

Your mom still prefers a heavy lead hose.

I fully admit that as a youth that BMX bikes gave me and the gang the speed we needed to evade parents and authorities after committing all manner of juvenile delinquent-y things. And do bunny hop and do tricks and along the way. Was fantastic. Never punched an OLD though.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bike Snob, have you seen Carlos Menchaca's Bicycle LPI bill?

It sounds like a great plan to make this default everywhere except I'm worried about one small detail in the wording of the summary:

"This bill would establish that bicyclists crossing a roadway at an intersection must follow pedestrian control signals when local law, rule or regulation provides that those signals supersede traffic control signals. However, bicyclists will be required to yield to pedestrians in the crosswalk."

I don't like that "must" as it could be interpreted to mean bikes can't enter the intersection once the pedestrian light goes orange ahead of the actual traffic light going yellow. That might not be a reasonable interpretation of the intent... but there's a city agency not exactly known being reasonable in interpreting the law with respect to bikes.

I feel like the final law really needs to use the word "may" not "must"

Some guy from upstate said...

Do you have the groups of young males on dirt bikes and ATV's? I'll take kids on bikes over that any time. Compare the amount of damage that can result when something goes out of control. Also compare the noise level. The level of skill in either case is impressive; the level of sense equally lacking. But of course that's the whole point. As it always has been.

Anonymous said...

How much longer till you finish paying them back?

Anonymous said...

Did they finally kick you out of the Whole Foods? Although sitting out the rain in the car is the more anti-social option.

NYCHighwheeler said...

"...this exotic device:"
An improve comedy stage?
The hose is to clean up the inevitable flop sweat.

Onjectively and rationally sound said...

Nothing better than having a coffee (or un cafe') and seeing "a wheels-up of wunderkids" roll past, laughing and screaming. It is way better than angry and loud Harleys with middle to old age guys in leather revving their engines to the point where it is impossible to breath, let alone hear.

I'll take the kids any day.

Remember the gang of motorcyclists who cornered that dude in his car on the West Side Highway? Now that was a menace.

Anonymous said...

Remember "wilding?"

NYCHighwheeler said...

Thanks to the NYPD for providing a shining example of the dangers reckless wheelieing can cause:
Knowing is half the one to grow on!
NYPD The worlds largest street gang!

The guy saying 'hell yeah' afterwards sums up all my feelings about the incident and the NYPD in general.

Grump said...

The bike and not the car????

Anonymous said...

Fuck yeah on the Outside column!

Did ya ever have one of those days said...

Left the house at daylight.
Within the first 7 miles, two flats
Fixed first flat, didjaknow the patches can deteriorate in the kit?
Managed to salvage one
Whipped out spare tube for second flat, it was patched, the old patches fell off
Called the Ms to come get me
Double lol.

dop said...

did you ever etc:

You've described the essence of cycling

Justine Valinotti said...

I riffed on your "Bike Out" column in my blog:

JLRB said...

scranus hose

Anonymous said...

I am an avid listener of WBAI radio and was a producer there for 10 years. I am still involved. I listened to your premiere show this morning. I tried to email you but you have not yet received a wbai email address. I used to ride my bike to work every day as well as riding it basically wherever I had to go. I understand you want everyone to ride bikes and get rid of cars-that is a fantasy. I need to tell you that you were very bad on the phone-you interrupted and were rude to callers who disagreed with you which is not only bad radio but its just plain rude. I am afraid now to ride my bicyle due to other cyclists-. I have been hit from behind twice by both food delivery people and cyclists who refuse to ride on the street as it is part of the penal code that cyclists ride on the street as opposed to the sidewalk aside from children, You may thing that the rules for cyclists are silly however they are not. Cyclists, by law, need to travel as cars are supposed to do. This is a matter of safety. When I attended a safety meeting hosted by the 70th precint many neighbors complained that they had also been hit by cyclists on the street and sidewalk. They would not even so much as put up a sign or give cyclists summons or tickets. This is unacceptable. Nearly everyday I am sideswiped by a bike though I look both ways. I resent your presentation. We all need to share the road and the space and at the moment, I have more respect for cars because for the most part, cars follow laws. Cyclists not only ride on the sidewalk which is unsafe, especially the motorized ones but they also do not ride in the bike lanes. The citibikes block accessilbity drivers from picking up and dropping off safely and its more of the gentrification part of the city. That is disgusting. I strongly urge you to think outside of your box. You are young and I dont hear any respect for elders or the elderly with walkers in chairs etc. It would be nice if bikes worked in new york city all over but they dont. Cyclists need to obey traffic laws and because I give a shit, wear helmets. Please feel free to respond. Remember radio is a tender medium...its different than blogging.

Anonymous said...

Bike Outs - are they really fake? I ride every business day and at least a few times a month I see a group of young people taking to the streets on their bikes: though I'm not concerned that they're bugging people, I worry that popping wheelies while riding the wrong way on CPW or Broadway will get someone killed - probably one of those kids! I also worry that they'll be arrested. One nice thing about these rides - when they're tearing up the street I have no concerns about running red lights! I spoke to some of these kids - they're fearless - but good kids