Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Heavy Is The Fred That Wears The Crown

Schools here in New York City are out this week, which means I've got my parenting helmet on pretty much full time:


(By 2021 we'll all be wearing connected helmets for everyday life, just you wait and see.)

This means if you're looking for me and I'm not here, you'll be able to find me over at the Bike Forecast, where you can also get a good sense of what we're dealing with here in this town.  Specifically, you can read about our dolt of a mayor, who regularly says things that reveal the only walking he ever does is from the SUV to the entrance of whatever building he's visiting:
The above mayoral quote was by way of explaining his continued crackdown on delivery people riding ebikes.

And speaking of crackdowns:
So basically that's the current state of affairs here in the fairest big city in America.

As for me, I entered a bicycle racing competition this past Sunday, which I'm pleased to report I passed.  In fact, not only did I pass, but I also got a Strava KOM!

This absolutely has to be a mistake, because firstly there's no freaking way I was 23 seconds faster than the next-fastest person:


Secondly, I was clinging desperately to the back of the race the whole time.  So while I suppose it's possible I happened to be moving from the very back to the middle back of the group during that segment and had the benefit of a tailwind on top of it, it's far more likely that my GPS or Strava or both are both wildly inaccurate.

Nevertheless, I'm choosing to file all of the above under "redacted" and wear the crown anyway.  It's the American way.

And finally, speaking of a lack of moral fiber, I've derided both plastic bicycles and cars extensively on this blog (as well as Strava, come to think of it)--and yet I can't speak highly enough of both my plastic bicycle and my Saris SuperClamp EX hitch rack, which I also used in tandem this past weekend:


I don't really drive my bikes places all that much, and for that reason the SuperClamp has proven more or less ideal.  Previously I'd been using a roof rack, and while it does go on and off pretty easily without tools, in practice I'd just been leaving it on there, which seemed like a waste given how infrequently I was using it--and on top of that I couldn't use it to carry a bike like my Jones without resorting to adapters.

The Saris on the other hand is overall less of a hassle to install when needed and then remove when not in use--all you do is unscrew the pin, slide the rack out of the hitch receiver, and you're done.  Plus it carries every one of my bikes, even when they're of wildly disparate sizes:


And while it's not even remotely hard to remove a front wheel and lift a sub-20lb racing bike onto the roof of a car, it's even less hard to put it on a hitch rack without removing anything at all.  And really, isn't being incredibly lazy what driving to the ride is all about?

Of course it is.

Yet at the same time it's also anti-lazy, since I can't just say "Fuck it" and leave it on there, because if I did the extra foot it adds to the length of the vehicle would insure I could never find a parking space ever again.  So I'm diligent about taking it off and returning it to the basement after every excursion.

So I guess what I'm saying is don't get a car, because that way you won't have to worry about this sort of thing in the first place.

You're welcome.

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

One of Tan Ten's top column heading puns.

skydave said...

Podium?

Skidmark said...

Whaat, me worry?

James said...

Is there a lock on the pin for your Saris? My neighbor had his bike rack stolen because there was A. an asshole who wanted to steal it and B. There was no lock on the pin.

cognorant said...

1st!!! (are still doing this?)

dancesonpedals said...

Your GPS malfunctioned? Strava malfunctioned?

Sounds more like you cheated.

MolassesChamois said...

Two inch hitch scranus

schaughvn said...

saw our dear mayor this morning on prospect ave. and 6th ave., walked a whole block.

Die free said...

Nice crack down mayor.

mikeweb said...

Wow, podiooom?

huskerdont said...

I leave me hitch rack on 24/7/365 because it's America and I am winning, damnit. (Also, I live in the 'burbs.) Parallel parking in the city hasn't been too bad, but with the rack extended and bikes on it, I have parked and found my tires on top of someone's hood. This was in Jersey City, come to think of it. Luckily I did not get shot for the infraction on this one occasion.

Watch and Camera Guy said...

Podium?

JLRB said...

Investment tip: Sell your stock in Saris, the SNOB effect is about to kick in

JLRB said...

"Plus it carries every one of my bikes" - all at one time?

dancesonpedals said...

USING CRACKDOWN IN A SENTANCE:

'Always ride with your crackdown" ***


***recumbent riders may ignore this advice

Gnarlynickb said...

I have the 4-bike version of that Saris rack, I'm VERY satisfied with it! Yes, it has a locking pin to hold it onto our minivan. I can even cram a Trail-a-bike and a bmx bike in between the 4 regular bikes so that I can schlep all 18 of my children to places where we ride bikes together. When the rack is loaded with 6 bikes as described, it is a bit heavy to raise and lower. Like, pretty much a 2-person job, except that I do manage it alone when my better half is packing the horde's stuff and doing their hair in a hotel room in Billings Montana or whereever we're staying while I'm getting the car ready. Some of the newest levered-style racks would be easier to raise up and down, but aren't tray-style. I'd be interested if they had one with a hydraulic piston assist on a tray-style rack, I'm sure someone is working on it.
Also, when the rack is fully loaded on the back, the front of the car seems to get slightly "light", so the front-wheel-drive tires spin a little on gravel. Also, the traction control kicks in on turns on the freeway sometimes, which shuts of the cruise control unexpectedly.

I doubt anyone will read this, wonder if I'll bother checking back to see if any other comments pertain. But yes, there is a nice locking bolt that attaches the rack to my car.

Grump said...

In 15 years there will be a "smart helmet/Bike" combination where your electronic shifting will not work unless your helmet is on and buckled.

Ellie said...

I loves a bell on my bike, but is there really a law up thar' that you have to have one??? And confiscating the bikes afterward??? That's just wrong.

Anonymous said...

have been in San Francisco for about 9 months now after over 20 years in NYC. One clear advantage here is that the cops are not out to get cyclists. In NYC I was ticketed on 4 occasions inside of 2 years, around $500 in fines. All except 1 were at a trap that was inside or just outside of CP. These were all for rolling through stop signs or redlights at like 5MPH after looking both ways, 2 of these times were not at intersections but at traffic free cross walks in the park. I never buzz pedestrians at intersections and always give the right of way even if they don't have it (crossing against a light). Also as a long time rider in cities I ride carefully. Yet I still got hit with $500 of fines? In SF, in my short time here, I haven't seen any bike traps and have never had a cop look at me twice for practicing the same behavior. I think the rationale is that they have bigger issues to look after. Oh yes and the weather is better.

Dooth said...

You can't trust Strava. My time on yesterday's South County South Bound segment-1.6 mi. 128. ft -1.5% -has me at 5:07 for a rank of 149 year to date. But Strava couldn't see that I had to practically stop as I passed a guy wearing running shorts and a yarmulke, walking with two little kids, each on bikes. To make matters worse, as I rolled by, the guy starts dancing. And I'm laughing. Forget Strava.

patiently waiting said...

Hitch racks. I found out one thing about them by accident. If another driver runs into you because "they didn't see you!" or "they came out of nowhere!", They still get to pay for your bike, rack and car (at least where I live).

If you have a roof rack. You don't want to pull into the garage and let the nose of the seat get caught on the open garage door and pull the rack and bike off the roof of the car. Because after you get out to survey the damage, it will not fall and land on the back glass and trunk of the car mangling both.(right). And you get to pay even if the insurance pays.

But I've never had this happen.... :-)

Disingenuous said...

30.7 mph UPHILL???!!!???

How is this for a theory: Strava gets and retains more members, and gets them to pay more money, if they feel good about themselves and their achievements. Especially if Strava gives them proof to them and others that there actually is an achievement to feel good about. Proof they can't get anywhere else. So they occasionally give each members an "achievement" beyond their actual performance. Strava can use the same data and math the computer slot machine people use to figure out the minimum payout they have to give, and how often, to keep suckers playing.

DaveD said...

A career could be made out of "flagging" Strava segments. Some Freds really get agitated when one of their KOMs falls due to an "athlete" forgetting to shut off the app after a ride, and they set all kinds of KOMs in the SUV on the drive home...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Disingenuous,

The segment is mostly downhill.

--Tan Tenovo

Al said...

"don't get a car." Absolutely goddamn right!

UpTheGrade said...

When it comes to cars; it's better to insure than ensure

JLRB said...

Wait - looking closer at those pictures, I do not see a bell on either of the bikes, nor do I see a bell on the Subaru.

Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Some guy from upstate said...

How to find questionable Strava times:

1. Find a recreational bike path. The more hybrids, the better.
2. Find where the parking lot is.
3. Look for segments on the roads that lead away from the parking lot.

The typical KOM on those roads will feature 35 mph uphill speeds. The KOM holder will be someone who posted two rides three years ago. On one local segment, it was the top five (my local segments don't typically feature a large number of "attempts").

huskerdont said...

GPS can be wonky. And we blame Strava (which is good fun), but it's often the device doing the measurement. I run an Android and a Garmin watch at the same time and marvel at the differences. Doesn't really matter, but they provide remarkably precise data for something so imprecise.

There is a traffic circle where going as fast as my little pins can carry me, I get a PR of 26 seconds, but the KOM was 4 seconds. It's been removed, but I think someone must have thrown their device across the circle in frustration.

Would like to know more said...

SF person at 5:43 -

Without getting into a NYC and SF debate, I grant you the weather is on occasion pleasant in SF - but often it is downright cold. The weather in NY really isn't that bad - who doesn't like the variation?

More to the point, while Manhattan is expensive, isn't SF simply outrageously expensive?

Of course, some of the riding from the Paola Alto area to the beach is pretty damn impressive for an east coaster. If you don't have to deal with cops giving out tickets, It sound great.

HDEB said...

So long as no one (except the driver) gets injured, I'm looking forward to a bloated SUV falling through the sidewalk in NYC, IMHO it is only a matter of time.

Anonymous said...

Strava, GPS? What's next, Zwift? Please get rid of this industry shill and let the Snob out of the basement where you have him bound and gagged. Meanwhile, WTF is the Eroica CA story already? Old-farts want to know!!!

bad boy of the south said...

Youse guys in NYC, enjoy your week off.
I believe time off time is done here in the NC.
Is there such a thing a rack envy?
I'm happy with my Saris Bones rack as well as one of the Saris hitch racks.
When I see one of those 1UP racks I get...nevermind.

JLRB said...

Anon @ 3:20

What's next? Obviously bib shorts over a white cotton crew neck t-shirt

Mr. Homegrown said...

Maybe the cops would have passed them by had they been wearing these: https://www.bikesandbullets.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8_Xd7fHy4QIVUKsBCh0tSASZEAEYASAAEgJ3d_D_BwE