Wednesday, January 3, 2018

This Just In: New Outside Column!

If you live in New York then you're already familiar with the story of State Senator Marty Golden and how he pretended to be a cop to bully a cyclist out of the bike lane he was driving in, but for the rest of you I figured I'd recap the tale, for it embodies the synergistic entitlement effect that comes from mixing driving with political power:

He's still at it, by the way, even after the ensuing media shitstorm:
In other news, have you ever pondered this question?

A 25-year-old Cat. 1 cyclist — we’ll call him Max — visited the University of Colorado Sports Medicine and Performance Center in November 2015 in preparation for the 2016 season. The previous year he won one race, placed on the
podium twice, and had 20 top-10 finishes.

Max had been self-coached for several years but did not have a well-structured training program. Desiring more structure, he began working with a coach. He also aspired to turn professional.

If you're unfamiliar with the concept of "base miles," it's Fred speak for what the rest of us call riding your bike.  Obviously the correct answer to the question posed in the headline is "Exactly how many you feel like riding," but the more crucial issue is that somebody needs to stage an intervention for this "Max" guy immediately, because he is wasting the best years of his life chasing a goal that, at best, will eventually land him a podcast once he reaches middle age:

And that's assuming he reaches the absolute pinnacle of the sport.  Seriously, Max, you live in Colorado for chrissakes!  Save yourself the time and effort and open that weed dispensary now:

Then you can just ride your bike in your leisure time.

Speaking of base miles, I'm headed out to lay down some since it's a downright balmy 20 degrees, but I'll report back in due course.  In the meantime, I invite you to contemplate this guy:

And now to curate the proper tire pressure with my Bluetooth tire pump:

Just kidding.


wishiwasmerckx said...


ken e. said...

mystery of the podium...? happy new year y'all!

Anonymous said...

Yes !

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, Phil? I like that guy.

In today's antisocial atmosphere, we need more boomboxes.
Your bike earbuds ain't competing with the rest of the loud BS...

leroy said...

"Ole, ole, ole, ole

Ole ole, ole ole.

Feelin' hot, hot, hot."

(Sorry, got a song stuck in my head from this morning's ride.)

Me la la la lum bum bum.

(Might have to ask my dog to cover my telephone calls.)

What to do - on a night like this
Music sweet, I can't resist.

(In fairness, he did try to warn me.)

So we go rum bum bum bum
Yeah we rum bum bum bum.

(After all the times I covered for him, he owes me.)

How you feeling? Hot, hot, hot.
How you feeling ..."

Olle Nilsson said...

I have a very precise formula for my required base miles:

Distance to work x 2 x days I ride to work

Whatever I get up to on the weekend is bonus miles.

It's serious shit man.

streepo said...


Serial Retrogrouch said...

...ohhhh. ohhh. I'm wringing my hands expectantly at the responses your Outside post is going to elicit. I don't have the FriendFace books, so please do summarize them for us here later. Thanks.

McFly said...

Lance always looks like he got hammered the night before these days.

I'm sure I do , too.

HDEB said...

Another thoughtful Outside column. Please consider donating to or volunteering for Ross Barkan (to replace Dotard Marty Golden) : )

wishiwasmerckx said...

In the words of the famous philosopher Samwell, "What, what in the butt..."

Anonymous said...

GoldenGate: in the same vein that I don't want to feel compelled to ride around totting a helmet, it's disheartening to feel compelled to ride around carrying a smartphone camera and twitter account. I mean, can't I just run an errand without being a roving (helmeted) surveillance and broadcasting station? Not if I want legal standing or a trial by public opinion I guess.

Grump said...

A Cat 1 shouldn't need more than a week of "base miles", if that. (even if he took a month off of doing intervals)

Lisa Hyundai said...

I'm eating cashews. Wonder what Cipo is eating?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

HNY Snob.

Hey you should open a weed dispensary. It would go good with that coffee of yours.

No biek rides out here in the hinterlands. Did do some cross country skiing over the brake which was nice. Nice to work up a sweat while its single digit temperatures outside.

Mr. Parentheses said...

That Marty Golden is a Real Dick. Running down a 74 year old woman with his SUV is only one of his "controversies. Of course he is a Republican, (though there are some Democrat A-holes as well), and he used to be a Cop (that is probably when he learned that laws were made to be broken by Real White Guys), though now he just impersonates being one. Surprising that he easily wins re-election in Brooklyn, though some voters seem to prefer A-holes like Roy Moore, Rob Ford, Trump, etc.

grog said...

I still have a couple stickers in my book--your first book.
What should I do with these stickers?

Joe said...

I can't wait for the Outside FB comments about an article about privileged motorists.

Mr. Peanut said...

Lisa @ 2:55

"I'm eating cashews. Wonder what Cipo is eating?"

Rest assured it's not nuts.

Is that the first Cipo reference of the year? If so, it seems like there should be some kind of award.

Bogusboy said...

Fredliness meets retro chic - disc brakes and gumwall tires.

Die free said...

Keep the light on Snobby!

I think we end an arsehole driver intsatgram if there isn't one already...

Anonymous said...

Nice article in Outside. I don't do facebook, but would really like to see the comments it generates.